"Shall we carry on with the tour, then?" Rupert beckoned to the corridor to the right of the stairs.

"Rupert," said Mrs. Jordan. "Please set the dining hall. I'm sure that River and his guests will be hungry before long."

"They're not hungry," Lee said hurriedly, scuttling forward. "There's no need to have... and I've already begun setting out lunch in the kitchen."

"Wait a moment..." Patrice rested a hand to her chest and inclined her head. "You are the pure-blood twins. Interesting. River, you didn't tell me these were your friends."

He looked back at Fred and George. Then at Rupert. "Let's get underway. We could show them the gatehouse. Or the carriage house. Or the old tower house behind the —"

"April the first," his mother continued, her radiant smile never leaving her face. "I remember as if it was yesterday. River was a just a pip. It was our first outing, actually. You had made the front page and I promptly took him into town in order to buy a duplicate copy of the Daily Prophet. He constantly cried."

"Still does," said Fred.

"Lunch, then?" Lee blurted. "I could do with a bite to eat. Rupert?"

Patrice left the stairs and approached them with a particular keenness in her gaze.

"The Boy Who Was Twins. I heard you boys were going to Hogwarts. There's a fair few prophecies about you, did you know? My favorite is, you will know a puzzle's final clue when you appreciate these newborns, two. Marvelous, that. Short, but very mysterious." She took a step closer, getting more excited by the second. "There's another about leprechauns. Or maybe rainbows. Can't recall it off-hand. Dumbledore would know. He has an in with the Department of Mysteries. Perhaps, if we did a reading, I —"

"Mum, PLEASE — no clairvoyance today."

"Oh, all right."

"The kitchen is right this way," Rupert instructed, showing them to the underside of the stairs.

"Be careful going down, darling..."

"I know," Lee complained, hastening his pace.

"Seven visions out of seven you miss the first step."

Lee held out an arm to stop the twins before going down the stairs. He looked imploringly at them. "My entire life, I've never missed that step. Don't you dare trip. I'd never hear the end of it if one of her kooky visions came true."

"I think she's wonderful," said Angelina sweetly.

"Well, that was them on their best behavior," he explained. "And if any of you call me River, consider our friendship terminated."

"Aww," Fred complained. "I had already planned to lampoon you with nearly a dozen wisecracks. I'm gutted."

"It's worth shedding a tear over. But they were more quips, really," his twin brother corrected.

"George," said Fred.

"Yes," said George.

"Remind me to name my first-born son, River. I can't let these go to waste."

"I will... 'twould be a travesty."

All was quiet in the kitchen. Fred, George, Lee, and Angelina were seated around a circular table in the corner, which was customarily set aside for Rupert. Lee was doing his best to strike up a conversation, but the other three were busy studying the inlaid details of the china plates that Rupert had just brought to the table. Swirls of color were twinkling delicately and crested against the gold-rimmed edges. The twins were captivated.

Lee moved his napkin to cover the enchanted parts of his plate. "Sorry, I know it's unnecessarily garish."

"No, it's brilliant," said Angelina.

"The only thing moving on our plates back at the Burrow is a worm or two."

"Maybe Scabbers."

"He's our family rat," Fred explained. "Bet you don't have one of those, do you?"

"We do," Lee replied with a smirk. "But he wears a tuxedo."

"No need for the tails, though," said Angelina, to their enjoyment.

"My, my. Someone came prepared, Fred."

"That she did, George."

"What? You didn't think I could make a joke?" she replied, only moderately insulted. "You're not the only clowns in the circus, you know."

"Of course, we're not," said George honestly.

"We just have the finest shoes," said Fred. He nodded at George and they put their mismatched, distinctly large shoes on display, flopping them directly onto the fine china. "As fancy as these plates, I'd say."

"Fancier," Lee agreed, inspecting one and sniffing at the next. He offered one to Angelina who looked equally repulsed and amused.

Rupert returned to the kitchen a moment later. He was frowning at the state of the kitchen table and his little arms were struggling under the bulk of a wooden crate. Papered to the side was a decorative label for Edith Lillywhite's Expedient Edibles.

"Master Lee. I must protest. These provisions are not suitable for company. If your mother..."

"Just use the packages, Rupert."

"At least let me whip up a few acorn butter sandwiches," he begged, before handing each of them a small metallic bag from the crate.

"Fine, fine. Keep it to one course. I know you're dying to serve five."

When Rupert scampered to the cupboards, Fred, George, and Angelina watched as Lee held the corner of his bag and pulled lightly on the exposed string. A surprising burst of steam escaped. He leaned back and dumped the contents onto his plate.

"Root vegetables," Lee grumbled. "Don't overlook the blue sauce. Edith's leafy greens aren't very edible without the blue sauce."

"Did that... just cook the food? With magic?" Angelina asked as the twins peeled open their bags.

"If you call it food. I eat it because I don't have a choice. I'd starve otherwise," said Lee contemptuously. "My mother tells me we're actively pursuing a salubrious lifestyle. Whatever that means."

Lee pretended to eat, pushing the food around with his gold fork until Rupert returned with the sandwiches. He took a reluctant bite, knowing that his house-elf would be watching closely.

"You're excused, Rupert. We can take care of ourselves."

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you unattended, Master Lee."

"Mmm hmm," Lee groaned. He eyed his friends, who had been eating eagerly. "Good god, I can't wait to get back to Hogwarts. I've been dreaming of those feasts, you know. Every night. I can eat whatever I want there."

Rupert cleared his throat and Lee took another bite.

"I'm excited, as well," said Angelina. "Maybe we'll win the house cup this year."

"That'll make two in a row."

"What?"

"Possession is half the battle, is it not?"

They finished their lunches while Fred and George explained everything to Angelina — how the Ravenclaw student named Victor Sparrow had stolen the house cup from Slytherin Tower, how he handed it over to them, and that they moved it to a secret room behind a statue on the fifth floor. The last part was an unfamiliar detail to Lee. And as they got up from the table, he made the twins promise to show them the room behind Gregory the Smarmy the first chance they got.

"Speaking of rooms," said Angelina. "When are you going to show us yours?"

"You want to see my bedroom?" asked Lee.

"Yeah, it's got to have a swimming pool in it or something, right?"

"Do you sleep on a bed of dragon scales, Master Jordan?"

Rupert did not find this conversation amusing but continued to smile as he held the kitchen door open for them.