October 19, 2023

Nathan isn't the slightest bit surprised Jamie could outrun the Doctor on Poveglia. Even when merely speed-walking, she's fast as hell. She charts a course through narrow alley after narrow alley without apologizing to the tourists she shoves past.

Although she may give off the impression she's rushing with an important destination in mind, Nathan knows she isn't heading anywhere in particular. These streets he doesn't recognize, and he already expects they'll get terribly lost trying to make their way back to their hotel.

But that's of marginal importance right now.

He only manages to catch up to Jamie once they reach an area where the crowds start thinning, allowing him to make significant strides. The last alley leads them to a tiny old square, quiet and largely devoid of people at this hour. Maybe the dull ache of his wound or the lingering fatigue in his system are the cause, but Nathan is ashamed to admit he's out of breath.

"Jamie, slow down for one second, please," he pants. "I don't seem to be... at my fittest tonight..."

"Nate?" Jamie turns around to face him, eyes wide and watery. Her situational awareness must've gotten dialled down so much she never noticed him following. It's a miracle she even remembered to grab her coat before leaving the restaurant. "What are you– what are you doing here?"

Her voice is all strangled, thick with panic and frantic emotion. What are you doing here? As if Nathan would just stay seated at their table, finish his dinner, have a laugh with Gino while at it. She isn't thinking rationally enough to recall he could never do such a thing.

"Making sure you're okay. I know you said you were done with everyone, but I'm, uh... I'm kind of hoping that didn't include me." Nathan approaches her tentatively. "If you really need to be alone, I'll respect it, but I don't think you should be."

Just yesterday, his mind and past had him convinced he was a hazard to Jamie. That his mere presence could jeopardize her in the most lethal of ways, that he was the worst thing that could've happened to her. Now, Derek's treacherous, cruel whispers are absent. Nathan hasn't felt the Doctor's presence all day, and even if being around Jamie paints a target on both their backs, he sees he couldn't possibly be the biggest danger, the worst thing in her life. Not when there's so much shit in it that's worse.

The whole damn world is a vicious place. Life isn't always kind. No matter how much Nathan might want to, he can't shield Jamie from its harshest horrors, can't protect her from everything that hurts. But he can be there for her and ease the pain when it's all too intense for her to handle by herself. It may not be much, in the grand scheme of things, but small acts of love and support can make hardship just a little more bearable. Make life feel like it's still worth living.

Nathan started understanding this some six months ago.

"No, you– you can stay. Please stay."

"I will. I'm here. Not going anywhere."

"I fucked this up so bad." Jamie wipes at her eyes as if it might stop the tears welling up. It just about ruins the painstaking makeup job that was the one thing Nathan had no clue how much time to allot for on average as they sat and planned their day. "Saying all of that, making a scene in public, on Stella's birthday, I... Oh my god, if they didn't already hate me, they will now-"

"Jamie."

"–what was I thinking? I just, I didn't mean to, but I couldn't... This... None of this would've happened if I wasn't too pathetic to answer a simple question."

"You're the furthest thing from pathetic." Nathan gently places his hands on her shoulders to keep her steady. "You wanted to talk about it another time. Your mom had too much to drink and disrespected a simple boundary you tried to set repeatedly. That's on her. If your family is too blind to see that, they need a serious reality check. This wasn't in any way your fault."

On account of being a sobbing wreck, Jamie doesn't have anything coherent to reply. She practically falls into hugging him, burying her face in his fancy new dress shirt and letting all the emotion out. Nathan wraps his arms around her, pulls her close and holds her like he's never held anyone else.

It's still a foreign feeling—being a source of safety and comfort rather than of fear and pain. But as much as he may loathe his past, it led him to the most wonderful woman he's ever met, and that's the one thing he can be grateful for while he stands here and whispers every sweet nothing that comes to mind.

He doesn't know how long they stay in that embrace. Doesn't care, either. They have this obscure Venetian square almost to themselves, but the whole city could be watching and he wouldn't give a shit. Unlike certain other people he knows.

Gradually, Jamie's breathing steadies, though Nathan can still feel her heart racing until she loosens her grip on him. She draws ever so slightly away, albeit without fully letting go. Their faces are still close.

"I guess maybe I shouldn't, but sometimes I feel like I'm just failing everybody," Jamie murmurs, bloodshot eyes downcast. "Even you."

This notion is so far-flung to Nathan that he struggles to comprehend it. "Me? Why?"

"What we had a conversation about in... in Iceland. You were saying you'd get out of crime and start over on the straight and narrow. I offered to teach you video editing to give you a fighting chance. I wanted to help you—I really did. But I was also just being selfish, because I didn't want you to leave, and I knew if you took me up on that offer, we'd have to stay in touch."

I'm not offering because it's polite. I'm offering because I want to. Stay in my life a little longer, okay?

"Yesterday, you told me you felt like you were endangering me because you drew the Doctor's attention. But if anything, it's the other way around. You wouldn't have come anywhere close to the Doctor and Poveglia or even that not-deer in the woods if I hadn't taken you there. You're just... You're trying to build a normal life for yourself, and you're doing it so well, but I'm only dragging you into these dangerous situations and my family issues and Freakshow– Witchcraft Wednesday's problems, and... I mean... I wanted to, but I couldn't do shit for you. You're doing well despite me."

This thought process sounds so eerily familiar it stings.

"If you're not too exhausted to listen," Nathan says, "I think I need to tell you some very important stuff."

"I can... I can listen, I guess." Jamie's fingers toy with the back of his dress shirt. This absent-minded fidgeting feels really good and isn't distracting him whatsoever. "Just... Stay like this while we talk. Don't let me go."

Nathan doesn't need to be told twice.

"What you said on the boat goes for me, too. I'm here with you because that's where I chose to be. Where I'm still choosing to be. And the life I'm currently living may not be considered normal by people like your parents or your sister, but that doesn't bother me. Everything I was before I found the magic book wouldn't have fit into their definition of normal, either. All I know is that I'm happier with my life as it is now than I've ever been, and that I wouldn't have been able to stand here saying that if it weren't for your presence in it."

Jamie raises her eyebrows, hesitant. "...You think?"

"I'm telling you I know it. Because you supported me and believed in me when I felt like nobody could, and you make me feel like I can be better than I was and that I deserve better than I'm inclined to think. You let me get comfortable enough that I could remember there's more to life than just surviving, and you keep reminding me every day that there's still good out in the world and it's something worth preserving. I'm not a people person—don't think I ever will be—but when I'm around you, everything just feels right. And technically I could live without you, but I swear to god, the thought of doing so became one of my very worst fears somewhere along the way. Would I be thinking, feeling or telling you any of that if you failed me?"

"You... You wouldn't."

"Damn right I wouldn't. So at least try to start believing it, won't you? You're the best thing that ever happened to me. That's the truth."

Jamie doesn't quite smile, but one corner of her lips quirks up. She seems to relax. "Thank you... Thanks for that. And for staying."

When Nathan looks into her eyes, he can't help but wonder if it's his imagination or if her face truly came closer to his. There's affection in her gaze, something gentle he'd like to treasure, and maybe Nathan isn't yet done making confessions tonight.

There's just one more thing he ought to get out in the open.

"I love you," he says with conviction. "Maybe that's not what you want to hear or too much for you to handle tonight, so please don't feel pressured or obliged to address it now. I just need you to know that I do."

He doesn't receive a reply in words, but he does feel soft lips on his own. It takes him a second to realise that this isn't a fantasy or a dream—this is very real and holy shit Jamie is kissing me. Once the initial shock wears off, he kisses her back with fervour, pouring all the love he has in this simple action. It starts out slow before growing in intensity, tinged by desperate mutual yearning.

It's a messy, clumsy kiss—Jamie is still reeling from being put through an emotional wringer and Nathan is more out of practice than he thought he would be. But they make sense of the chaos together as they always do, despite his fumbling and her smiling into it, despite the taste of prosecco and food too fancy for either of them, the stains left by tears and makeup alike. Nathan can't be bothered by any of it. He has never kissed anyone quite like this, let alone in a public place, but Jamie's fingers are still tracing gentle patterns on his back and his arms feel nice wrapped around her waist and oh, yes.

This is an excellent place to be tonight.

When they break apart in order to breathe, Nathan is at a loss for words. He's sure his face looks all flushed. Jamie hasn't let him go yet. She still seems a little unsteady and utterly exhausted as her chin rests on his shoulder.

"This is going to sound ridiculous," she whispers, "but... Do you know the way back to our hotel? Because I don't. At all."

Nathan laughs. Freely. "I have no idea," he says. "But I think we'll get there just right."