I was in my tent by myself. They gave me a ridiculous hat to wear which I resented, but I wore it anyways. Elsa advised me to do my makeup all done up and wear the hat. I decided I would wear the hat at least, but not the makeup. I didn't like looking like some, clown.

I sat and waited nervously. The show was going to start soon enough, but I was not ready. I probably could never convince myself I was no matter how much I practiced. Roy entered the tent eventually, which I was glad. I was starting to think I would have to go find him.

"Roy what the hell was that earlier?" I started. Don't think I had forgot about what he had done before.

"What you mean?" I could tell he was trying to play it off.

"You were intentionally trying to get a rise out of me and you know it. You wanted me to yell at you so I would look like an idiot." I ignored his playing dumb.

"That's not true." He said.

"Oh come on. Of course it is!" I was getting angrier with his responses.

"Okay, I was just kidding. You were the one who got angry." He started, "You can't blame me for your outburst."

I shook my head. I was beyond annoyed with him, "You are always teasing me when I don't do something you want."

"You never listen to anything I want." Roy said, "Don't pretend to be the victim."

"Why should I listen to you?" I spat at him.

"I have things to say about stuff too. You should respect me enough to listen, don't you think?" He said.

"You get all pissy when I don't do something you want. You are like a child." I was getting angrier.

"I'm the child?" He laughed and shook his head.

"Yes you are. It's my life! I get to make the decisions. You are the dead one!" I yelled at him.

He shook his head. His attitude seemed to change dramatically. Before, he was more joking with a smile on his face when he argued. Now he just seemed angry.

"There's a difference between listening and doing." He said and then he pushed his way out of the tent flaps.

I ran after him. I couldn't believe him. He couldn't disappear right before the show! What was I supposed to do if he wasn't there for the card trick? I would make a complete fool out of myself.

I ran directly into Ethel. I started to blubber on as she stood in my way.

"Dear, what the hell are you going on about?" She said in her accent.

"I-I" I was stumbling around all the words. "I need to do something." I finally got out.

"The show's about to start. There's no time, dearie." Somehow I ended up backstage.

The stage lights illuminated Ethel. When I looked between the curtains, I could see only about 7 or 8 people in the seats. I was glad that most seats I could see the wooden backs, but I was losing my mind. Where was Roy? What was I supposed to do when he didn't show up? I nervously watched Ethel out on the stage. I was unable to stay still. I was sweating and doing all my nervous ticks from biting my lip to clenching my hands.

"Are you alright?" Jimmy asked me. I turned to look at him. I couldn't find any words again.

"Don't worry." He was trying to help, "You will do great. Do it exactly like we practiced and you will do fine."

"Feast your eyes, as you see the magnificent medium, communicate to the dead!" She said my introduction. I couldn't believe as I stepped out onto stage. I looked over at Ethel and I could see her concerned expression. I turned my attention to the crowd and my stomach and heart dropped simultaneously. I couldn't see Roy anywhere.

I looked at the small crowd in the seats. I couldn't see their faces past the lights, but I could see their forms in the seats. I turned and looked at Ethel. She stared at me through the silence. I felt like I had been standing there for hours on the stage and I couldn't take it anymore. I did the only thing that made sense. I ran off.

I ran right past Jimmy and all the rest of everyone. I ran out the back and past the tents until I was out in the grass. It didn't hit me what I had just done until I stopped running. I plopped down in the grass. I was overwhelmed and I could feel the tears trying to surface.

I wouldn't know what to do if Roy just left. I needed him. I was born with him.

I looked up to see Jimmy running up to me. I knew I was crying but I tried to shut it down once I saw him.

"What are you doing? Are you okay?" Jimmy was out of breath when he got up to me.

I didn't really know how to explain it to him. It was such a long story.

"Joy?" He asked again. I wiped my face. I hated when people saw me cry.

"I couldn't do the trick." I got out.

"Why not? When we practiced you had it perfectly. There was no need to be scared."

"No, it wasn't just that." I said.

"What was it?"

"My brother wasn't there."

I knew Jimmy wasn't understanding with that little of information. I went on.

"My brother died a long time back. He's always with me, but I don't know where he went." My voice cracked at the end of my sentence.

"I don't understand..." Jimmy furrowed his brow as he looked down at me in the grass. I bet I looked like a complete mess.

"He helped me with the trick." I said, "He's the one who tells me what the cards are." I stood up and wiped myself off. I felt ridiculous and stupid. I always seemed to embarrass myself in everything I do. I still felt like crying, but I wasn't someone who could cry in front of other people. It always made me feel embarrassed when people saw me cry.

"No one will believe that I can see the dead if he's not here. I can't do any card tricks without him." I said.

I looked up at Jimmy. He looked at me with so much concern. I could tell he wanted to sympathize, but for some reason he didn't. I guess all I had said was a lot for someone to understand or comprehend, let alone sympathize.

"He'll come back, won't he?" Jimmy said.

I looked down at my feet in the long grass, "I don't know. He's never left my side, ever since we were kids." I paused.

"That's what scares me."