*Troye's POV*

I felt like a zombie the next morning when a too-cheery Sage came to wake me up. She hadn't even thrown things or yelled at me, just smiling broadly and shaking my shoulder gently. I wasn't sure if she was just in a good mood or was walking on eggshells around me because of last night, but either way it was probably better than being woken up in the usual manner. After a lot of groaning and complaining, I sat up and told her to leave me alone. Once she was convinced I wasn't just going to fall back asleep, she did just that.

After she was out of the room, I dropped the semi-cheery act as well, falling back into the pillows and sighing heavily. I'd been up late, how late I wasn't sure, but I did recall looking over at the clock at one point and seeing the bright red screen saying 4:45am. It hadn't just been tossing and turning and mindless wishing for sleep though, it was that horrible kind of can't-sleep where you actually think about things. Okay, if I'm being perfectly honest here there was only one thing I thought about, not plural. Plus it was more-so a person than a thing- Damn it. Now I'm thinking about him all over again. I am not spending any more time on this subject, I've surpassed the point of over-thinking, now it's just pathetic.

I forced my legs over the side of the bed, cringing at the chilly air the second they emerged from under the blankets. I really wasn't looking forward to the upcoming winter, at all. Nothing good ever came out of winter. Frostbite, ice-covered roads that caused car crashes, hectic Christmas shoppers that cared about nothing more than getting to the deals first. It was definitely my least favorite season, compared to the carefree summer when everyone was constantly happy. 

I was still listing the many cons and few pros of the season, when I stumbled out of the shower ten minutes later. It wasn't actually that intriguing of a topic, but it was doing what I needed it to right now; distracting me. After getting halfway dressed and realizing I had put on a pair of my sister's shorts that had ended up in my laundry, I realized just how hard I was focusing on blocking out the thoughts of a certain problem in my life right now. I sighed, shimmying out of the shorts and opting for a pair of my own skinny jeans instead. With this, I was completely ready for school. I wasn't particularly happy about that though, considering I couldn't avoid the inevitable for any longer. Tyler was likely going to hunt me down as soon as I got there, forcing his explanation on me whether I wanted it or not. I still wasn't ready to hear it, but honestly I didn't think I'd ever be, so that wasn't surprising. Is anyone ever ready to hear their crush say they don't feel the same?

I somehow managed to survive through breakfast with the family. It had been even more awkward than usual, which I hadn't thought possible before today. Unlike their usual endless teasing and questioning, I got exactly what I'd been asking for the last few weeks; silence. It was nothing like I expected it to be though. Sure, I didn't spend the meal blushing and flustered like a lovesick idiot, but in a way it was worse than that. The utter silence and uneasy tension that had fallen over the room was almost unbearable, to the point I was shifting nervously in my seat just begging someone to speak up. I think I would have rathered talking about Tyler than that, but at least it was over now. 

Now, I was sitting in my car in the school parking lot, pretending to play around on my phone, when in reality I was just looking up every few seconds to see if any other cars had arrived. If a really junky piece of crap car had arrive in particular. I didn't plan on running out to greet him, but I wasn't going to run away when he came over to my car like I knew he would. I wasn't looking forward to his rejection speech, but if I had to hear it in order to keep him, then I'd cope.

I'd been sitting in the parking lot for about ten minutes when the unforgettable rattling over his car found it's way to my ears. My head immediately snapped up, regardless of whether it was what my brain wanted or not, my eyes wide as they scanned the parking lot. I watched with an anxious expression as he parked his car, biting my lip as nerves fluttered about in my stomach. This it it. We're going to have to talk about it. He was out of his car surprisingly fast, considering how slowly he usually moved. I sat up straighter in my seat then, watching as he approached and nervously twiddling my thumbs in my lap. You know that horrible feeling when you feel a physical locking of your throat and no matter how hard you try you can't bring yourself to speak, or even swallow your own spit? I had that already, and he wasn't even in a five foot radius of me. It only got worse as he got closer, my palms completely coated with sweat as he strolled past the hood of my car. He's going to stop as soon as he gets past and get into the passenger's seat, I just know it. Part of me was terrified of the conversation we were about to have, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled to speak with him again. It hadn't even been twelve hours and I already felt like I was being seriously deprived of a necessary part of my life force. It was probably wrong to think like that now, now that I know he didn't feel the same about me, but I couldn't just turn it off. I wish I could, I'd give anything to forget these feelings and just enjoy the way I did have him. It was a miracle Tyler Oakley was my friend at all, why did my stupid heart have to be all greedy and want more?

I broke out of my thoughts when the realization sunk in that more than enough time had passed for Tyler to reach the other side of the car, yet I'd heard nothing. I glanced at the other seat, not surprised to find it empty. I would have heard if he got in. So where was he? I shifted forward, settling just in time to watch Tyler reach the doors of the school. I furrowed my brows, an uneasy feeling quickly spreading throughout my body. Why hadn't he stopped to talk to me? He hadn't even texted. What if he didn't want to talk at all? What if he'd only been calling to tell me not to come around him anymore? Oh god, what if he really is homophobic and had just toned it down in hopes of pursuing a friendship with me? 

Emphasize on friendship, not a relationship, Troye. 

And now, it's looking like he might not even want the friendship, so congrats on fucking that up.

I brought a hand up to my cheek, angrily swiping at the tears I was certain shouldn't have even been there. I don't cry over people leaving me, especially not jerks that can't even give me a proper explanation. I mean, Lily freaking sucked, but at least she made it clear what I'd done wrong. I let out an exasperated groan, frustrated with everything from myself, to Tyler, to that stupid abandoned coffee cup smushed into the pavement outside. I ran my hand through my hair then, using my other to snatch my bag off the seat next to me. I got out of the car then, not even caring if I'd managed to wipe away every tear and it's trail. If someone wanted to point out I was a weird kid crying slightly in the halls, let them. 

I went straight to my first class then, despite it not starting for another ten minutes. I was just silently praying Tyler had gone off with his friends or something and I wouldn't be stuck sitting beside him when he was the only other person in the class room. That'd bring things to a whole new level of awkward. He didn't want to be near me, at least not that I could see, so imagine how much he'd hate having to sit through that. Come to think of it, our current seating arrangement is just going to cause unnecessary stress for both of us. Him, uncomfortable because he can apparently no longer stand to be near me, and me, because I can't look at him without getting that stupid topsy-turvy feeling in my stomach and a loopy smile on my face. Maybe I should just take one for the team and eliminate the problem before it becomes one. I love sitting next to Tyler, I've never actually enjoyed a class like I have this past month with him, but I could never force him to stay there if it made him uncomfortable. 

That was my train of thought as I scurried down the last hallway leading toward my classroom, my footsteps slowing and my legs feeling heavier the more I thought about the topic. I cared about him too much to force him to do anything he didn't want to solely because I wanted it. I guess that's how you tell when you really do care about a person, when you put them before yourself. And that's exactly what I was doing by asking the teacher to let me move seats.

I'd gotten right to the point upon entering the classroom, dropping my stuff off at my desk and then just heading straight to the front. Once again the teacher looked surprised to see me there, after not speaking at all the past few years, but he managed to put on a semi-convincing welcoming smile.

"How can I help you?" If you could get my best friend to stop hating me, that'd be absolutely splendid.

"I was wondering if I could switch seats. I know I said at the beginning of the year I could sit next to anyone, but certain circumstances have arisen and I feel switching seats would be a lot better for my education." I spilled, not even planning what I was going to say before it tumbled out of my mouth. I was actually pretty impressed with my own ability to come up with lies on the spot. It sounded professional even, like I had a legitimate education-related reason to switch seats, rather than just some awkward almost-kiss. I could tell before he even replied what his answer was going to be, ironically not even because I could read minds. He developed that sympathetic face that people always got when they were about to say no to you, his lips curling down into a frown as his eyes got bigger.

"Troye, I'm sorry, but there are no seats for you to switch to. Surely you and Tyler can get along for the rest of this semester." His tone sounded almost hopeful, but I'd already gone this far and I really didn't want to back down now. I'd never get the nerve to ask again, and if it made Tyler feel better in the long-run I'd do anything to make sure it worked.

"It's nothing personal really, he's just very distracting during class. He talks a lot and he's constantly fidgeting around in his seat. I just think it'd be better for my learning experience as a whole if I sat near someone more... calm." I began to feel unsure of my decision about halfway through my response, realizing what it was I was doing. This was basically confirmation on both ends that we didn't care to see the friendship get fixed. Of course that was a lie for me, but up until now I'd thought it'd be worth it as long as Tyler was happy. I still wanted him happy, I always would, but a selfish part of me had suddenly surfaced. This might be the only place I actually get to spend time with him now, am I really willing to throw that away?

"And I get that, Troye, I really do, but there's no one we can move right now. I purposely arranged this seating arrangement as I got to know your personalities. You know, keeping the chatty people away from chatty people, keeping the boyfriends away from their girlfriends, just general things to make class run smoother. You and Tyler, well, you click. You get along, but not enough to be a distraction to yourselves or anyone else." The more he said the more I started to feel better. Sure, I hadn't gotten my way and he was probably expecting me to grumpy about that, but instead I was grinning goofily by the end of it. I quickly wiped that off of my face though, reminding myself he in no way meant it in a romantic way when he said that we 'clicked'.

"Yes, sir." I sighed out, mustering all of my acting skills to sound disappointed with the outcome. I didn't need him questioning why I was grinning so stupidly over my teacher rejecting my pleads, or why a rosy blush had settled on my cheeks ever since he said we 'clicked'. Surprisingly, he actually seemed convinced, giving me another apologetic look before opening his mouth to reply.

"If the problem persists I suppose I could-" He was interrupted though, when the creaky noise of the door flying open filled the room. I turned around slowly, nervous at first it was some annoying jock or something by how forcefully they'd pushed the door open. I let out a breath of relief seeing Tyler, before the memories of our current situation came back to me and I felt even more nervous than I would of had it been any other jock. I watched as he stomped across the room, his hands buried deep in his pockets and his eyebrows scrunched together as he stared down at the tiled floor. Somebody definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I turned around and blushed when I saw the teacher's look of shock at Tyler's behavior, just shrugging at him like that explained everything. I decided I'd better go sit down as well, mostly because I didn't want the teacher to continue our conversation with Tyler himself here, but also because a tiny little shred of me might still believe Tyler will talk to me and blow past all this like it never happened. Hey, I'm allowed to dream, aren't I? 

I walked over as silently as I could, almost tentative as I stood hovering beside my seat. I wanted to sit down, but I also didn't know how Tyler was going to react. He had his face practically buried in his text book, his hand quickly fluttering over the page as he did the unnecessary extra work. I ended up giving in to the temptation in a matter of seconds, holding my breath as I slid into my seat next to him. When he still didn't react, or even look up, I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. He really couldn't even acknowledge me? He's just going to ignore my existence? What if he never addresses me again? I turned away from him, sinking down on my chair and frowning heavily. Normally, I'd be doing extra work and Tyler would be slumped down playing on his phone and finding any distraction he could not to work. Funny how things change.

Before the fight I never realized just how much of my time I occupied with Tyler. Not just when we were talking, or when we were texting or passing notes, but every second I got the chance to stare at him when he wasn't looking I took advantage of him, and I liked to believe he did the same back when I wasn't looking. Even now, when he refused to admit I existed at all, I still found all of my time occupied by him. I didn't dare to even look over in his direction, but you can rest assured there wasn't a second that passed that he wasn't on my mind. I listened for any sign of movement too, smiling like an idiot when I heard his freaking pen click, that's how pathetic I was. I was unaware of just how much time I was giving to not paying attention to him, until the teacher cleared his throat and said the sentence I always found myself dreading.

"You may hand in your papers now, if you've finished." My face fell, realizing I'd barely gotten half the work done. I was going to have heaps of homework tonight, when all I'm really gonna want to do is fall into bed and pass out. Great. I heard Tyler sigh quietly beside me, the first noise I'd heard him actually make in the last hour. I listened to the sound of him pushing his chair out, the legs scraping against the floor and making a horrible shrieking sound. I slumped down against my desk even further, wishing I  could just melt into the creases of the floor and hide. I knew he was staring at the back of my head. Not because of mind-reading, just that feeling you get when you just know someone is staring at you. That, and he hadn't moved after standing up, meaning he was still standing beside me with a pretty limited amount of other things he could be staring at. I didn't turn around and confront him though, or even shift nervously under his gaze, instead I stayed perfectly still in hopes of prolonging the staring. It wasn't much, but it was the most attention I'd gotten from him all day, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to bask in it. I almost jumped when I heard his chair sliding again, and the unmistakable sound of his feet scuffling against the floor as he sat back down. I wasn't sure what I'd been expecting him to do, but when he slid his finished paper across the desks, I felt like the king of the world. I didn't dare to speak up and thank him right now, knowing my voice was not to be trusted in situations like this. Instead I just world took the paper, reaching out slowly and purposely choosing to grip the part of paper that'd have our hands brushing. 

Damn it, he's got me wrapped around his finger, doesn't he?

 A stupid grin enveloped my face in reaction to this and I found myself staring down at my desk like it was the love of my life. It wasn't, but if I wanted to be really sappy I could say I believed the guy next to me to be. Obviously the concept of love was still new to me, and we were still young, but there was something about him that was just... different. I couldn't even picture myself being interested in anyone else after this, not even Harry Styles or Beyonce. Sure they were absolutely gorgeous, but so was Tyler, and I knew for sure it was both inside and out with him. 

Class ended not long after, and I'd spent most of the time debating how to thank him instead of actually copying the work he'd lent me. I was hoping he'd be okay with me keeping it after class and returning it tomorrow. Of course it'd be fine if he said no though, it was my fault for getting so distracted during these last five minutes when I could have been speedily copying. Even worse, when the time finally came that the bell did ring, and everyone was filtering out of the room, I still hadn't even began to decide on how I was going to thank him. I stood up, watching as he just stayed sitting and doodling in his notebook. I left his page halfway on both of our desks, a silent gesture that he could take it back if he wanted. He made no move to, just concentrating on his drawing like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Before I could help myself I was peeking over his shoulder, giving a lopsided grin when I saw he wasn't drawing at all. Instead he was doing that adorable thing people do when they practice their cursive and write their name all over their pages. Except it wasn't just his name, he also had his mother's, Marcus's, even Caspar's much to my dismay, but the last name that he was currently working on, made up for the less desirable ones. I watched with a smile as he absentmindedly wrote out the familiar name, not missing the fact he'd remembered my middle name as well. Troye Sivan Mellet had never looked so good as it did in his hand-writing. 

After he'd finished I watched him stuff it into his binder, leaving me pouting slightly that I couldn't watch for longer. I guess it was a smart choice though, considering we were now the last two people left in the room. I didn't even bother sorting my stuff before gathering it all up in my arms, about to turn and leave so Tyler wouldn't get a chance to see my blushing face when he stood up suddenly. I immediately looked at the floor, trying impossibly hard to ward off the offending lovesick grin and girly blush. Eventually it got to be too much for me though, and I could physically feel my lips fighting against me as they started to stretch into a smile. I panicked, just nodding formally yet again when Tyler looked up at me. I spun around on my heel then, letting out the breath I'd been holding as I finally allowed myself to smile. And boy, smile I did, I felt like my cheeks were going to fall off from the grin.

I was still smiling widely when I reached my locker, though it immediately vanished when I saw the envelope taped to it. At first I got a little excited over it, before I realized that fancy scroll on the envelope was most definitely not Tyler's. I debated not even opening it, just throwing it into the nearby trash and avoiding any of the stress this message was undoubtedly going to cause me, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. As the saying goes, 'curiosity killed the cat'. I pried it open nervously, ignoring all the people rushing to their classes around me. I pulled the sole piece of paper out, furrowing my brows even further when I saw it was a picture. My confused expression changed to one of shock when I recognized the two people in the photo. 

The two people in the photo holding hands.

It was Tyler and I, from last night when he'd been leading me to his car. All the drama and stress of how I got the photo aside for a moment, it was a really freaking cute photo. Tyler was half-doubled-over laughing and I was just smiling over at him, the usual one I always wore when I was around him. It was weird seeing it in a photo or from someone else's point of view, I really did look like those moony lovesick couples you see in the halls sucking face and acting like separating for their next class is the end of the world. I'd always found those people atrocious, I'd never dreamt I'd become one. And yet, here I am, not even dating him and already reaching that point of infatuation. After I realized what I was doing, standing there practically fangirling over a photo of us in public, I quickly flipped it over and studied the message on the back.

"You should know you can't stay invisible for long dating the king of the school." I ran a hand through my quiff, tilting my head as I considered what the note had said. I couldn't find the will to be nervous, despite knowing that had been the intent of the message. It was supposed to scare me or something, that she knew this information and had the ability to show anyone. It didn't though, and instead I found myself dwelling on the fact she thought Tyler and I were a couple. Did we really look like it to everyone else that saw us? That didn't make me nervous like it should have, it made me get a weird knot of pride in my stomach. People actually thought I was worthy of someone as perfect as Tyler.

"What'cha looking at?" I tensed, completely freezing as I contemplated who would be standing behind me. A second later I realized, mostly because he moved forward and leaned against the locker beside mine. Shane and I hadn't necessarily grown close so much as we'd grown to be used to being near each other. Sometimes I wondered if we stuck by each other solely for the safety in numbers aspect or if we were genuinely friends. I mean, I guess I considered him a friend, we spent time together and talked lots. I just didn't really have any emotions invested in the relationship. Who knows, maybe I wasted up all the emotions I've got on my relationship with Tyler, I honestly wouldn't be surprised.

"A picture." I answered finally, looking back up at him. He's been change his looks in the past month. He'd lost quite a bit of weight and had gotten his shoulder length hair cut much shorter, with a big side-swept fringe. He definitely looked better, but I wasn't so sure of his motives for the change of looks. I just really hoped he wasn't letting the tormenting get to him and changing who he was around it. Sure, I didn't have much emotion involved in the friendship, but I'd be upset if that happened to anyone.

"Care to elaborate? What kind of picture? Pornographic, cute kitten photos, a creepy stalker photo you took of your crush-"

"A creepy stalker photo someone else took of my cr- I mean, Tyler and I." I felt like slapping myself over that obvious 'save'. Shane just chuckled though, considering he was already convinced Tyler and I were dating. I'd started out rejecting his assumptions or just straight-up ignoring him when he asked questions about my 'boyfriend', but now I just embraced it. Obviously I hadn't said I was actually dating him, but if he asked how my boyfriend was I simply said good rather than getting all flustered. I jumped suddenly, realizing he'd snatched the photo out of my hands. "Hey!"

"Aw, look at you two. Have you kissed him yet?" He asked, scanning the picture with a knowing cocky smirk that made me glare at him. How dare him acting like he knows our relationship better than I do. Well, to be fair, I have absolutely no idea what's going on with our relationship, but still. I paused, trying to remember what he'd said before I got lost in my thoughts yet again. 

Have you kissed him yet? 

I suddenly didn't feel nearly as cheery, my eyes falling to the linoleum floor. My hands found my pockets, immediately shoving in as I waited patiently for the moment to end so I could get to my car. I had a free period right now, but I had no intention of spending the entire thing with Shane. I tolerate him, but I still prefer to be alone.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Shane asked, handing me back the picture gently. I took it and felt relief wash over me when I saw he hadn't crinkled it, slightly ashamed of how protective of a piece of blackmail I had gotten. I couldn't help it, it was just so real. If we stopped talking forever today, I'd still have this photo. And there was no way anybody could deny our happiness in that photo and say it was 'faked' or 'forced', because we had no idea cameras were on us. That was just genuinely what our friendship was like. I just really hope this photo doesn't have to be all I have left of it.

"Kissing is just sort of a touchy subject right now." I answered finally, repeating the scene from last night in my head all over again. I'd been so utterly nervous, like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, and he just left me hanging. He could have at least changed the subject or just straight-up told me he didn't want to kiss me. 

"Did he reject you?" His tone was quieter than usual, and much more sensitive. Usually he tried to turn everything into a joke, I was sort of thankful this was an exception.

"Something like that."

"Maybe he's just not ready yet, he's obviously just as infatuated with you as you are with him." He said, pointing toward Tyler's scrunched up face in the photo. I found myself smiling at just the memory for a second, before coming back to present time and suddenly getting frustrated with him all over again. I didn't want to play the blame game, but if he'd just reacted a little bit differently all of this could have been avoided.

"You make it sound like I tried to take his virginity or something. All I wanted was a simple peck on the lips, how can you not be ready for that?" I complained, earning an eye roll and a shove from him.

"Shut-up, stop trying to find fault in my comforting. I'm trying my best, you know." I did feel a bit bad now, giving him a weak smile and nodding. Sometimes I forgot he was just as new to this socializing regularly thing as I was, and it was easy to get short with him over it. But he really was making an effort, the least I can do is make an effort to appreciate it.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. Look, I've got to get going, I have plans for this block. Do you want to hang-out at lunch?" 

After agreeing on the details, we'd solidified our plans to meet up at lunch. Who knows, maybe I'd enjoy company other than Tyler's for a change. I was doing it more for him than me though. I was a shitty friend, but I wanted him to feel comfortable enough with me that he'd talked to me if he ever needed it. I would never wish anything bad on him, and if talking to me could keep anything bad from happening, then I definitely wanted him to see it as an option.

So at exactly 12pm, I found myself sitting at a rickety picnic table by myself as I waited for Shane to get there. I'd never actually sat at any of the outdoor tables they had set up for students. Then again, not that many people did. They were mostly reserved for irrelevant people that weren't cool enough for the cafeteria, or cocky people that thought they were too cool for the cafeteria. But being the not very cool people we were, we thought it was the most reasonable place to meet. Thankfully today they were even less populated than usual, probably having something to do with the fact it was particularly chilly today. Even in my baggy jumper I found myself shivering slightly, pouting over how quickly the temperatures had dropped. 

I let out a breath of relief when I finally saw Shane walking over, considering I'd begun to think he stood me up. As he fell into his seat on the other side of the table I scanned the bag he put on the table, watching him fish out all his food and line it up all fancy. I didn't question him on it though, just grabbing a sandwich from my own lunch and turning to scan the rest of the area. We were alone outside aside from the table furthest away from us, which was occupied by an array of what looked to be stoners and burn-outs. One stood out from the rest, obviously. Sawyer Hartman was the only person in the school who managed to not hangout with any of the popular kids, and still be all anyone talked about. I guess he was just that exciting, or maybe the bad boy vibes drew people in. Who could really tell how teenagers minds worked? Well, aside from me, but I'd really rather not know.

Other than the stoners, there were only a few people out in the field, but they were too far to hear anything we said. They looked to be cheerleaders practicing routines, but that was stupid considering the season was over for the year. If they are seriously just getting prepared for next year, I have lost all faith in humanity. Then again, I don't know how cheer leading works either.

"Checking out the cheerleaders, Mellet?" I snapped my gaze back to Shane, glaring at him for the sarcastic tone he used. He had that same smug grin on from earlier, making me feel almost spiteful as I stared him down.

"For all you know I could very well be interested in girls, I've never said otherwise." I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. He blurted out a laugh at this, before quickly composing himself again and wiping his expression blank.

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong. You say you're gay all the time, just not with your mouth." I quirked my eyebrows at this, silently asking him to elaborate. I did not act gay. I had absolutely no clue how he could tell, but no one else had ever brought it up. Well, maybe no one else ever cared but... "Like when you seen that spider in the hallway and had a mini flip-out, or that photo of One Direction in your locker-"

"Hey! Straight boys can like One Direction too! Bands don't determine sexuality's." I defended, raising a finger to point it at him accusingly. He just giggled though, reaching down and pulling a phone out of his pocket.

"But the amount of shirtless photos of said bands saved to your phone can." He said cheekily, typing in the pass-code that was scarily familiar. I knew it was my phone then, watching in horror as he opened up my sacred collection of shirtless guy photos. Not to mention the creepy, horribly blurry, zoomed in photos of Tyler while he was playing football. 

"When did you take my phone? Give it back you little gremlin!" I demanded, snatching it from his outstretched hand as he fell into a fit of laughter. I just scowled though, immediately changing my pass-code and stuffing the phone deep into my pocket. I don't know how he managed to get it out of my pocket in the first place, or knew my pass-code, but I'm not going to make that same mistake twice. With a second's hesitation I decided we were at the point in our friendship where we could begin insulting each other and not offending one another. Which was a good thing, because I really felt the urge right now. "I don't know why I hang-out with you."

"Lack of other options, likely." He laughed, making me laugh in response despite how hard I was trying to be mad at him. After we'd finished laughing we went back to eating our lunches for a while, until a random question struck me.

"Why do you care anyway? If I'm gay or not?"

"I don't care, it'd just be nice to know. I feel like there are certain boundaries I can't cross with a straight friend, and I'd just like to know for sure one way or the other."

"What kind of boundaries?" I asked curiously, trying to read his expression for my answer. He seemed to think for a minute before smirking and nodding over his shoulder, making my eyes fall on the stoner table behind him.

"Well, if I knew you were gay for certain... I'd most likely try to start up a conversation about how good Sawyer's butt looks in those skinny jeans." A smile broke out across my face as I listened to the words, my eyes remaining on said butt.

"It does look really good, I'll give you that." I sighed, looking back to him now.

"And then I'd be able to rant about boy problems to you, while you do nothing but brag about how lovely things are in paradise with the hottest boy in the school wrapped around your finger-"

"It's not paradise, at all. If you only knew half of the things going on right now-"

"Uh, uh, uh, I said boy talk was one of the things we could do if I knew you were gay. I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable-" I cut him off by raising my hand and sighing loudly. I'd already came out to my family, what's one more? Besides, if that photo gets leaked the entire school's gonna think I'm gay anyway, Shane might as well hear it for sure from my mouth now. I didn't want some sappy emotional moment though, trying to come up with the most casual way to drop the news.

"Fine, I'm strictly dickly, now can I rant?" He didn't bother to hide his satisfied smile, but I didn't bother to dwell on it as the urge to rant about Tyler Oakley rose in my chest. 

"Feel free."

"He is so... frustrating! He flirts with me all the time, and then he says these really sweet genuine things about like my smile or my eyes, and just when I'm absolutely sure he must have feelings for me he has to go and mess it up somehow." I groaned, sinking down against the table and burying my face in my arms. I had planned on ranting much more than that, but I'd gotten too angry to continue as I heard my own words. I was right, and hearing it out loud only solidified it. I could sit here blaming myself for trying to initiate the kiss, but he gave me every reason to try. If he didn't want to kiss me he shouldn't have taken me to a romantic drive-in theater and offered to cuddle up with me in the back seat.

"It's always his fault? You're never the one to mess it up?" He asked, the obvious unsurity showing in his voice. I lifted my head slightly to glare at him.

"I thought you said I could rant, stop interrupting-" My phone interrupted me this time and I was suddenly a lot less fed up with a certain boy, granted this was him texting me right now. Who else would it be? Shane and Aflie were my only friends other than Tyler that knew my number, Alfie only because he'd demanded it. My family definitely had no excuse to text me during school, I never talked to Alfie, and Shane was right in front of me, that left one person. I hurriedly took my phone out, grinning until I saw the unfamiliar number on the screen. I clicked it, opening the text.

"Hey Troye, it's Sage. I'm on my friend's phone, mine died. Where are you at right now? It's important." My eyes went wide as I scanned the text, my morbid mind automatically assuming the worst. What if she'd gotten herself in a fight or something? With her annoying wit and constant teasing I wouldn't be surprised, but I'd still feel utterly horrible. I hurriedly punched in a response, nervously chewing on my bottom lip.

"The picnic tables behind the school. Where are you? What's wrong? Can I call you?" I stared at the screen with wide eyes for nearly an entire minute before I felt Shane kick my foot under the table.

"What's wrong? Who are you talking to?"

"M-My sister, I think she's in trouble." I said worriedly, flickering my eyes up to his. He gave a sympathetic frown, the gears in his head obviously turning as he tried to come up with a way to attempt comforting me. When he obviously came up short, he instead pushed a chocolate bar toward me. I couldn't help but giggle at this, wordlessly accepting his offering but not bothering to eat it right now. She'd text back in a minute, I just had to calm down and take deep breaths. And if she doesn't text back, I'll call Mom or go looking for her around school. The tenth grade floor wasn't that huge, surely I could find her if I searched hard enough.

I was still panicking about a minute later, on the brink of calling Mom, when my eyes fell on a group of people walking across the field. They were close enough now I could make out the faces, though I really wished I couldn't.

"Is that Caspar?" Shane asked, just now deciding to follow my gaze. I nodded dumbly, still trying to figure out why on Earth he was walking over here. He barely ever left the cafeteria during lunch, and when he did it was only to do sports related things or go and flirt with the cheerleaders. The popular kids did not go to the picnic tables, that was for sure. "Do you think he's coming over here to beat me up? Things have been pretty mild lately, maybe I should make a run for it."

"And leave me here?" I squeaked, turning to him with wide eyes. He sighed then, not moving an inch despite the fact we could now hear their quiet conversation. They were talking about the cheerleader's asses, not surprisingly. Shane and I both stared down at the table like it was the most fascinating thing we'd ever seen, not daring to look up or even breathe as they approached. Maybe they are going to see the druggies, maybe they just want to buy some weed or something for a party, or maybe they-

"Mind if we sit here?" I really felt like melting into the cracks of the ground now, as I felt a shiver wrack my frame at Caspar's hostile tone. I flickered my eyes up just slightly, not daring to look in their direction but instead locking eyes with Shane to see his stance on the situation. He wasn't even brave enough to look up at me, so I guess he wasn't going to help me out here. "Hello? Are you two deaf?"

"N-No, you can sit here if you want." I stuttered out, cursing myself for cracking so easy under pressure. Suddenly the table was flooded with the entire group of them, one of the twins even jumping up to sit on the actual table part because there wasn't enough room for him. To my horror Caspar sat down right beside me, immediately reaching over and grabbing my lunchbox to trifle through it. I watched him turn to me with his eyebrows raised and my juice-box in his hand, as if silently asking me if it was alright to steal it. I just nodded obediently, completely submissive in favor of not getting beaten up. I watched him begin to chug it down, jumping suddenly when I felt the first sign of movement on the other side of me. I looked to my right, letting out a breath of relief when I saw it was Tyler who'd set his hand on my thigh. Absolutely anyone else and I would have been terrified they were trying to force a move on me or something. He wasn't looking at me, instead staring off in the direction of the parking lot so I couldn't see his expression, but even just his hand rubbing my thigh gently was enough to comfort me. I suddenly didn't care that I was 'mad at him' or that things were 'awkward between us', all I could think about was how amazing it felt to finally have him with me again.

"So, boys, what were you talking about before we got here?" Caspar spoke up again, making me reluctantly look back in his direction. I stopped mid-way first though, feeling bad when I saw Shane still hadn't even looked up from the table. At least he had Joey and Marcus sitting on either side of him, the two nicest of the group. 

"We were just talking about boring private stuff-"

"Private, you say? How interesting, why's it private?" Caspar asked, making me look back up at him despite how badly I wanted to avoid his cold gaze.

"It's not, I just... I didn't figure you'd care to hear about my sister, you know?" I mumbled awkwardly, shifting in my seat as electric shot through all of my nerves. This was my worst nightmare come true. I couldn't just blend in and hide, they'd surrounded me and were forcing me to converse.

"Oh. That kind of stuff... My bad, you totally gave me the wrong idea." Caspar sighed, lightly clapping me on the back and making me jump at the contact. I didn't like it at all, it felt even worse than when I touched people and they gave me horrible insulting thoughts. It was like you could feel the belittlement in his touch, how inferior he really thought I was to him. Like when you pat a stray dog and it's kind of gross so you don't want to touch it too much.

"What idea did I give you?" I asked, deciding I wasn't going to get out of this unless I played along. Even so, I wasn't sure if I was going to get out of this. I'm pretty sure no matter what the outcome of this conversation, this will not be the last time I have to put up with Caspar's torment.

"You know, that you were talking about personal things between Shane and you."

"Personal things?" I squeaked, my voice coming out shaky and much higher than usual. I knew what direction this conversation was going in, I just didn't want to believe it. This was literally like my biggest nightmare come true. They weren't just forcing me to talk, they were forcing me to talk about that.

"Yeah, like what you two are doing after school, or what you want to name your future children, or who's going to top when you two take things to the bedroom. Personal things!" He beamed the last two words, throwing his hands up excitedly. I felt sick to my stomach, the few bites of lunch I'd managed to eat before the Sage stress churning.

"W-What are you talking about?" I didn't usually stutter, and I was a little ashamed of myself for letting my nerves show, but I couldn't very well take it back now. I felt Tyler's hand squeeze my thigh tighter, knowing it was his best attempt at trying to support me without actually having to outwardly support me. Of course I appreciated it, of course I did, but would it really be so hard for him to just tell them to leave me alone? I'd do it for him if I was ever in the situation.

"You two are gay together, aren't you?" Caspar asked, feigning shocked as his eyebrows rose.

"No!" I shouted, blushing when I realized how harsh that must have sounded to Shane. I decided to repeat myself, except gentler this time. "No, I mean, we're not."

"So just gay best friends then?"

"Just friends, nothing else added on." I said through my teeth, a mixture of unnerved and enraged by the stupid boy sitting next to me. 

"Are you saying you're straight? So Shane's the only fag then... good to know." He mumbled, a devilish smile enveloping his face as he spoke the last three words. I felt sick to my stomach even more now, realizing what I'd just done. I'd freaking thrown all of it at Shane. What kind of friend am I? "I guess our query is with Shane then, boys."

"Caspar, do you really have to-" When I first heard Tyler speak up my heart fluttered, happy to hear his voice after what felt like forever, especially at a time as important as now. I should have known it'd be short-lived though, Caspar wasn't about to take anything from anyone.

"Shut-up, Tyler. So, Shane, do you like to give it or take it? Marcus wants to know." I furrowed my brows at this, looking up to stare over at Marcus. He didn't seem surprised by Caspar's words, but he was giving him the most angry death glare I'd ever witnessed. I looked to Shane then, an overwhelming sense of guilt encompassing me when I saw his state. He was unbelievably pale, looking like he was about to spill his lunch at any moment. I don't know what he was thinking when he decided to come out, because it's a pretty stupid idea for someone who doesn't do well with bullying to come out to a school of homophobes.

"I-I-I don't r-really know?" His stutter was much worse than mine, making the boys around the table chuckle darkly. Except Tyler, he stayed ever-silent despite his one attempt at interjecting.

"How do you not know? Isn't it like branded into your brain. Oh, are you one of those lenient ones that'll do whatever their partner wants him to?" I had half a mind to ask Caspar why he cared so much about Shane's sex life in the first place, but decided that was probably the worst thing I could do in this situation. He'd punch my nose in so fast I wouldn't even be able to finish my sentence.

"I haven't really thought about it, t-to be honest."

"Probably for the best anyway, Marky Buttbutt, chances are you wouldn't want to hear all the grotesque details anyway." Caspar said casually, smiling like a happy innocent little child over at Marcus. How can he be like that? Act so casual while completely bashing another person's way of life? It's not like it's something they could change about themselves, or something that affected him in any way. It was 'grotesque' but I was more than certain I'd heard rumors about him hooking up with girls and going with the back door. But I guess that was different, huh? As long as it's a straight couple, who cares what they do.

"Grotesque? Is that really the word you choose to describe it? God, you are such a pig." I spat, suddenly no longer able to control myself as rage boiled throughout me. It wasn't fair, why did people care at all? How could they hurt other people and just not care?

"Aw, look, Troye's going to stick up for his little boyfriend after all! So, what do you call it then? Passionate not-baby-making? Flesh sword fighting? Or-"

"No, I call it the same thing you do! I'm gay, not a fucking different species!" I snapped, not even realizing what I'd just said until I noticed Caspar's shocked expression. I thought back to what I'd said then, my eyes going wide as the blood drained from my face. I felt lightheaded, knowing exactly what this meant for me. Whoever left that note on my locker was right, it's impossible to stay invisible when you're close to Tyler Oakley. Still, I wasn't ready to give up my wallflower way of living yet. I could see it now, all the torment and names I had to look forward to. Sure, it wasn't as bad seeing as I wasn't the only gay guy stupid enough to come out during high school, but I wasn't looking forward to any sort of torment, whether it be mild or harsh.

As if watching the group of guys cackle like hyenas on helium wasn't bad enough, I felt Tyler's hand slip off my leg seconds later. I felt tears brimming in my eyes, actually shaking as I wondered what to expect next. Were they just going to start bullying me right off the bat? As soon as I stumbled my way out of the closet?

"We made him come out of the closet guys! This is a tremendous day! We should celebrate!" Caspar beamed, raising his hand high so he got everyone's attention. I tilted my head down, not having the guts to look at him straight-on, instead looking up at him through my eyelashes. He's not going to congratulate me in a nice way, is he? "Cheers to Troye, for admitting to his love of taking it up the ass!"

"Cheers!" They all shouted, some more enthusiastic, then others less. I say they all, but I'm not counting Tyler as one of them any longer. He stayed perfectly silent next to me, but he still hadn't touched me since I uttered those words, so I had no idea what was going on in his head right now. Did I even want to know?

"Ty? You're not going to congratulate him?" Jack asked, or at least I think it was Jack. It could just have easily been Finn, I couldn't tell them apart. All I knew was I hated them both. I heard Tyler shifting slightly next to me, making a nervous knot form in my stomach right along with my knot of regret.

"Oh no, I am." Tyler insisted, his tone only making things worse as my heart began to race. He'd purposely saved his addition for last. What if it was something utterly horrible? Like he confessed he never wanted to be my friend in the first place and it was all just a bet or something? I'd seen that happen in romantic comedies, it's possible it might happen in real life too. 

I was still in the process of running over every possible thing Tyler could do to ruin me, when I felt him cup my jaw. I hadn't realized until then that I'd clamped my eyes shut, outright refusing to see the situation. He insisted I turned my head though, only tightening his grip when I tried to weasel out of it. Eventually I gave in, following his movements until he let go of my jaw. He trailed a thumb along my cheekbone then, making my eyes immediately flutter open despite myself. I let out a huge breath I'd been holding when I saw his warm eyes and genuine smile, relaxing under his touch so much that he had to hold my head up to keep it from falling over. I didn't mind though, suddenly feeling a lot better before even hearing what he had to say. "Congratulations, Troye. I'm sorry the circumstances had to be so shitty, but I'm glad you don't have to hide who you are anymore. And most importantly, I want you to know this changes absolutely nothing, you're still my best friend."

"What the fuck man, what are you talking about?" Caspar sputtered out immediately in response, though his confused words barely registered in my mind as my eyes raked over Tyler's entire face, trying to find one hint of lie in his features. The longer I searched the more desperate I got, studying the crinkles by the corner of his eyes he was getting from smiling so hard, or the way he'd sucked his lips into his mouth and looked almost nervous waiting for my response. I probably would have gone on searching his face forever, my brain refusing to believe he had actually said those words to me in front of his friends, had he not taken my hand into one of his and squeezed it tightly. I watched the little lopsided grin spread across his face just as a thought of his brisked my mind.

I hope he doesn't let this define him. He's so much more than just a label.

That's when I felt real tears start to spill, not just threatening to spill anymore. They trailed down my cheeks and I blinked rapidly, wanting nothing more than to pull him in for a hug. I wasn't sure if he'd be okay with that right now though, so I decided to attempt asking him, through my tears.

"T-T-T-"

"Stop stuttering and come here, goof." He laughed, like he knew exactly what I wanted as he opened his arms to me. I grinned, probably not a very attractive one considering I was still all tear-drenched and snotty, but I didn't think Tyler minded. It felt like it was just Tyler and I here now, to the point I didn't even bother to look around the rest of the table before stumbling forward and burying my face into his chest. His arms immediately wrapped around my back, hugging me to him even tighter and completely engulfing me in the embrace. I was actually starting to really relax when Tyler spoke up right next to my ear. "Now before you even open your bitch ass mouth, Caspar Lee, I want you to know I don't care. I don't care what you say to me, and I don't care what you say about me, so go waste your breath on someone else."

"Well, looks like we've nearly gotten two people to come out today. What do you say, Tyler? Care to take the final plunge?" I tensed in Tyler's arms, wondering what would happen if he actually just said yes and came out. I'd probably do something really stupid yet again and try to kiss him. 

"Just because I support gay rights doesn't mean I'm gay, Caspar. You'd have to be a total imbecile to believe something like that. Sometimes people just genuinely care about other people's happiness... you probably wouldn't understand it, actually, forget I said anything." As expected, Caspar scoffed loudly in response. I smirked into Tyler's shirt, hoping the words really had affected him. I wasn't sure if he even had feelings at this point, but if he did I wanted them to be hurt. 

"Whatever, the whole school's going to think you're gay anyway. Come on, guys, let's leave rainbow city before they infect us or something." I felt my hands ball into fists, coincidentally taking tufts of Tyler's shirt with them considering I'd had my fingers wound around the hem of it. As much as his stupid ignorant words about gay being contagious made me want to punch him, the first thing he said had affected me even more. He was right. The school wasn't going to just let it slide that Tyler had not only stood up for a gay person, but had straight up cuddled him and let him cry into his chest. There were going to be rumors, accusations, and just general drama like crazy for the next little while. His social status seemed to mean so much to him, I almost felt guilty for making him throw it away on me. Well, I didn't make him do it, but still.

"Marcus? What are you doing?" Caspar's sudden question made me jump further into Tyler, considering I'd thought he finally left. Tyler was good about it though, just running his hand up and down my back comfortingly.

"I don't mind rainbow city actually, they have good juice-boxes and it smells a lot better than that dingy cafeteria. I think I'm going to stay, if it's all the same to you." Marcus mumbled, actually managing to surprise me with his words. I knew him and Tyler were decent friends, but I'd never expected him to give up his popularity over it.

"You have always been a fricking weirdo. Okay, whatever, goodbye." Caspar snapped, finally giving me the glorious gift of hearing his feet scuffle against the pavement as he walked away. I let out a barely-audible content sigh against Tyler's shirt, blushing when I realized I'd dampened it noticeably with my tears. I slipped a hand up between us, still not backing away enough for him to see my face, and wiped my tears away. I was still swiping at them with the back of my hand, wondering how it was even possible to cry this much in twenty-four hours, when I felt Tyler's hand trail from my back to my side instead, resting on my rib-cage. My immediate reaction was to stiffen as I prepared for him to tickle me, but when he didn't I relaxed again and let my head drop back against his chest.

"Psst, I know you're crying right now, but can I ask you something?" He whispered, his serious tone making me re-think how comfortable I felt. 

"What?" I whispered, opening my eyes despite not being able to see anything but blackness with my eyes this close to his chest.

"Are you going to eat that chocolate bar or?" I groaned loudly at this, before shuffling a bit and moving back to look him in the eye. I was still sitting between his legs, considering he'd thrown each one on opposite sides of the picnic table bench. He was grinning cheekily at me, like he'd purposely pulled the chocolate bar thing just to get me to sit up and look at him. I couldn't be mad though, just pretending to be as I playfully slapped his face.

"I am so done with you right now." I giggled, rolling my eyes when he reached up and slapped my face back, though ten times lighter than I had to him. Damn him for being adorably sensitive and caring around me, it's very hard not to be in love with him.

"Is that a no?" He asked finally, bringing me back to his original question. I reached over without bothering to look at Shane and Marcus, not wanting them to intrude on our moment. I didn't care if it was awkward for them, they could deal. I handed Tyler the chocolate bar then, an unstoppable smile on my face as he took it and immediately started to unwrap it. "You're the best, Troye Sivan."

"I beg to differ, Tilly." 

a/N: MY DOG IS NOSING ME IN THE BACK BUT HIS NOSE IS REALLY COLD LITERALLY SNED HELSP. Okay, wow, there is so much to talk about. WAIT A SECOND, UPDATE: THAT WASNT MY DOG IT WAS A GRUNGY ASS BONE HE LEFT IN MY BED WTH TOTES RUDE IM SUING OMG EW BONE BACK. Okay wow, this author's note got real weird real fast. So,uhm... Okay, first of all TILLY HIT 5 MILLY <3 Eeek, AND HE JUST TWEETED, AS I WRITE THIS, THAT WE'RE GETTING THE BOYFRIEND TAG BLOOPERS SOON LITERALLY IM CRYING. Okay, also, I guess this chapter was sorta significant? Troye came out? Accidentally? But he still did so. Tyler knows he's gay ;) What elseeeeeeeeee... I couldn't stop listening to Elvis as I wrote this chapter it's a literal addiction why are my music tastes so all over the place. UGH IMMA STOP RAMBLING BECAUSE MY PEOPLE, ARE DEMANDING I GET ON WITH POSTING THIS. WOW THIS CHAPTER IS LONG. OKAY COMMENT AND VOTE BECAUSE I STAYED UP UNTIL 7AM TO WRITE THE FIRST HALF OF THIS SO SOSOSOSO YEAH
Also, this chapter is dedicated to @OakleysFangirl because it's her BURFDAY <3 She's both my favorite Troyler fan account on twitter (her user is the same as on here, I swear she's hilarious and you'll adore her) aaand she writes a couple of fics on here you'll probably love as well. Okay eek HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSE ILY <3 I TRIED TO UPDATE IN TIME FOR YOU TO WAKE UP TO IT BUT UHHH, IT DIDNT WORK. HOPEFULLY TROYE COMING OUT MAKES UP FOR THE LATENESS.