*Troye's POV*

"Troye? Tyler's downstairs, what are you doing?" I'd been expecting someone to come up for a while now, surprised that it took as long as it did. It's been nearly half an hour since Tyler got here, you'd think they'd either send me down or send him up as soon as he got here. What was he even doing down there? Helping my mother bake? 

"Just doing my hair!" I called, trying my best to sound cheery despite my current state. Apparently he bought it, considering his casual response. I wasn't surprised, I'd been faking happiness for years and they believed it. Well, maybe they didn't believe it, but they didn't ask questions either.

"Well hurry up, aren't you worried about Sage saying something to him and messing everything up? You always seem to be." He laughed after he spoke, walking away from my closed door, thankfully without opening it. Had he opened it, he would have known what I said was a lie. I finished my hair hours ago, along with choosing my outfit and basically every little detail I could ever worry about. I mean, with my sporadic sleep schedule lately, I didn't even bother trying to fall back into a peaceful slumber after waking up from a nightmare at 5am.

It was the first one I'd had in months, getting a full night's sleep something I'd started to take for granted. However, after waking up covered in sweat with my heart racing in the worst way possible, I made a mental note to appreciate every single night I went without one. It was similar to the ones I'd always had, mostly about accidentally exposing my secret and having everyone completely shun me. Sometimes they even went to the extent I got sent away to some type of weird experimenting facility so they could 'research' it. It didn't take that path tonight, yet I'd still found myself even more upset when I woke up. I think because it was Tyler it all seemed more serious, especially given our current situation. All that happened was me accidentally replying to his thoughts out loud, but his over-dramatic hateful reaction to learning my secret had been the part I couldn't stand. I couldn't even stomach the thought of Tyler hating me like that, hence the unsettled feeling I'd had in the pit of my stomach all day.

That was why I answered the phone when he called, despite my better judgment. I'd been ignoring him for a few days now, mostly to sort my own thoughts out and try to figure out a way to get rid of the awkwardness that had fallen over us. I didn't want to do something stupid and mess it up even worse, so I figured ignoring him and not saying anything at all would be better. I could just tell him I'd been busy and put off speaking until I knew exactly what to say. Except now he was waiting downstairs, and I was out of time, yet I had no idea what I was going to do.

"It's not like she could mess it up any worse than I already have." I muttered under my breath, remembering what my father had last said before leaving. I was sat on my bed leaning against the headboard, hugging my knees tight to my chest as I looked over at the door, knowing I should get up and head downstairs before they start to really wonder what's keeping me. 

Despite my decision to head downstairs I still found myself dragging my feet slightly, not overly excited to see how things would be around Tyler now. Of course I missed him, how could I not? He was literally all I could think about these last few days, the urge to just give in and contact him unrelenting and insisting. But I missed the him I was used to, the one I could be casual with and not worry about over-thinking everything I said. I couldn't be sure, but after his passive aggressive tone on the phone earlier, I doubted the Tyler waiting for me downstairs was that Tyler.

I was halfway down the stairs when I saw him for the first time, only the back of his head considering he was sitting on the couch facing opposite me. He didn't look up to greet me, but I tried not to read too much into it, instead just taking advantage of the moment to study his faded hair. I'd told him once before I liked it best vibrant just after he dyed it, but honestly I always liked it. He could pull off anything really.

I didn't speak up as I walked past to sit in the middle seat beside him, deciding it'd be just too rude to sit on the opposite side of the couch. Maybe there isn't even anything wrong on his end, it'd only make something for him to be upset over if I sat way over there. It's not like he bites, I'll be fine here.

He kept his head down and hands tightly folded in his lap, his body language practically screaming nervous. And as much as I wanted to comfort him and put him at ease, I struggled with words to say so bad that I ended up not saying any. What if I make it worse? I'm going to make it worse, of course I am. I don't know what you say to people in awkward situations, all I'm good for is causing them.

I debated just reaching out and taking his hand or something, a simple gesture to comfort him and let him know things were alright on my side of the spectrum. Even that could mess up though, couldn't it? What if things were horrible on his side and he outright slapped my hand away, furious that I'd even try to make any sort of move on him. 

I hated this. I hated not knowing where we stood, I hated not knowing how to figure it out, but most of all I hated not being able to just be ourselves. I wanted the real Tyler back, the one that would be smiling and mercilessly teasing me right now over any little thing. I could say I hated it all I wanted to, but I'd never mean it. I might get embarrassed at the time, but really I loved anything that meant his focus stayed on me, basking in the feel of having all his attention, basking in the knowledge that he cared.

"What are you guys up to in here?" I tore my gaze off of Tyler's nervously fidgeting hands, instead looking up to greet my mother as she walked into the room sporting a cheesy 'kiss the chef' apron. I swear, if Dad tries to make a big show of kissing her even once I'm peacing out from the entire dinner.

"Watching TV. " I answered simply, knowing everyone in the room knew damn well I wasn't paying attention to the nonsense on screen. I didn't think anyone was at this point, noticing that Sage had dug her phone out of her pocket and was distractedly looking at something on it.

"Cool." Mom answered, locking eyes with me and arching a single eyebrow. She was obviously picking up on the awkward atmosphere between Tyler and I, asking for more details in a way that wouldn't get her in trouble with me. Had she just asked out loud I would have been furious, shooing her off for embarrassing me in front of friends.

"Can we give him the present now?" Everyone's heads whipped in Sage's direction then, mine only staying for a second before I was looking to Tyler instead. It was the first time he'd looked up since getting here, a familiar flurry of butterflies finding me as I took in all of his features. You could see how tired he was in every movement he made now, but I decided not to comment on it. It could be from anything and the last thing I wanted was to bring up a sore subject that'd make things even more tense between us. Besides, as I watched Sage sit up, I remembered I had more important things to worry about.

"Woah, what? Mom, I didn't say you could give him a present." It was more of a question than chastising, curious to know what she had planned. She hadn't even told me she was getting him something at all, I wasn't entirely sure I trusted their judgment of what was acceptable to get their family member's love interest and what wasn't. I wouldn't put it past them to literally make a gift basket of different types of condoms. However, I think Tyler took my concern as something entirely different, his voice seething with anger when he suddenly spoke up.

"Well, it's none of your business so I don't think she cares if you said anything or not." He turned to openly lock eyes with me for the first time, his narrowed into hateful slits behind their frames.

"Uh, yeah, Sage, go and get it." Mom said tentatively, as if she thought the sentence was going to set off some sort of ticking time bomb between the two of us. It wouldn't, I wasn't upset with the gift as much as wary. Yet I couldn't get over how angry Tyler was when he turned to me like that, a negative side of his attention I'd hoped to never be the target of.

I couldn't remember a time I'd been more thankful for Sage than when she walked back into the room, ending the bitter silence that fell over the group of us. Even when Jackie and my dad walked in the room remained silent, everyone just looking around at each other as if begging someone else to speak up.

"Here!" She shouted cheerily, holding the gift over her head like the child she was at heart. It amazed me how she was managing to act so happy given the situation, just charging on and not letting anyone's else's moods affect her. I guess she was probably just going out of her way to try and make the situation better, considering she'd sort of become my shoulder to cry on while Tyler and I were fighting. Obviously not really crying, but I was constantly ranting to her or asking for advice on things. I never took it though, considering she always told me to just go to his house and talk and I was nowhere near ready to do that, but she sat there and listened to me complain just the same.

I leaned forward to watch Tyler's reactions as she walked toward him, tossing the gift onto his lap carelessly. I'm assuming it's not something heavy, considering his lack of a reaction. It was perfectly square, really making me wonder. A box of chocolates maybe? Why did they go through all the trouble of wrapping that?

I was just as eager as him as I leaned forward even further, biting my lip in anticipation as he tore the paper off. I resisted the urge to laugh at his confused expression when he opened it to a book, ending up just smiling stupidly at him. He didn't see of course, his gaze locked on the gift in question. I wondered what it was too in the back of my mind, but suddenly gazing at him was a lot more interesting, lost in the reactions I watched flicker across his face. After the confusion finally passed he looked up at Sage, skepticism decorating his face now. I didn't look up to see her reaction, just assuming it was something along the lines of urging him on when he looked back down at it, sighing gently before reaching out and flipping the cover open.

My breath caught as my eyes took in the pictures aligned neatly in their slots, taking only a second to realize what they were. After that I focused more, taking in all the details of the photos and left feeling overwhelmingly melancholy. Of course I hadn't forgotten the days I spent with him, they'd just never been quite as vivid as now. It was insane watching the transition from photo-to-photo, almost like you could see us growing with each passing frame. The way my smiles got bigger and more confident, how we got physically closer on every page to the point you could barely tell where Tyler's body started and where mine ended, and just the emotion in our eyes. It sounded cheesy, but you could genuinely see how happy we were to be there with each other, something I didn't want to ever lose. It wasn't too late to ensure it stayed, right? It's not gone yet, is it?

"Thanks, guys, it means a lot to me." My eyes snapped up from the page we were on, studying Tyler's face carefully despite the fact he refused to meet my gaze. He was still staring down at the book, flipping through the pages absentmindedly. 

"No problem! I look forward to taking more." I didn't even look at my mother as she spoke, remaining focused on Tyler even if he was oblivious. I was so caught up in just staring at his eyes I nearly missed it when he frowned, only realizing because his eyebrows scrunched together at the same time. I looked down to the book again, curious what had upset him, my own face falling when I saw the picture of us kissing. 

I didn't really register any following conversation, only realizing the parental units had left the room after about a minute. Before that, I was caught up staring at the photo right along with Tyler. I looked up before him though, not wanting him to catch me staring. I was surprised, however, to find Sage expectantly staring at me. She immediately opened her mouth when our gazes locked, obviously in a rush to say whatever she had to before Tyler saw.

"Talk to him!" She mouthed, keeping her words silent in an attempt not to attract Tyler's attention. When he didn't immediately look up, I decided to answer her in the same manner.

"No! I can't!"

"Can't or won't?" She mouthed back, giving me a stern glare. I frowned, biting my lip and resisting the urge to sigh as I realized she was right. I can talk to him, it just isn't going to be a very fun conversation to ever. She ended her lecture by making desperate hand gestures, repeating her original statement. "Talk to him!"

"Do you want to go to my room while we wait for them to finish?" I blurted, looking to him expectantly. I could feel my palms sweating as I wiped them on the knees of my jeans, heart racing as I waited for his reaction. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. That said, my heart probably could have beat straight out of my chest when he offered an adorable excited smile, nodding his head eagerly.

"Sure." He replied, a smile finding my face as I rose to my feet, trying not to let him see just how ecstatic I was over the stupid reply.  It was one word, it wasn't really that big of a deal. It certainly felt like it though, considering it was the first word he'd spoken directly to me all night.

I led the way up the stairs, pausing in my doorway and gesturing for him to go in first. I wasn't sure why exactly, it just felt like the right thing to do. He inviited himself in, following my gesture and sitting on the bed. I blushed at how he sat at the very end of the bed, making me wonder if he was thinking about the things I did in it a few days ago, while on the phone with him.

"Did you get anything cool for Christmas?" I asked immediately, knowing it was a good question to go for to start a conversation. It may not turn out to be a very interesting conversation, but it was something. It could lead to something more if I did it right. I couldn't bring myself to look at him though, nervous beyond belief now that we were alone. He could snap at me anytime, not worried about fighting now that no one would witness it.

"We're going to open our gifts to each other when we get back." I resisted the urge to frown at his less-than-conversational response, taking a second to try and come up with another better conversation starter. However, he spoke up again suddenly, meaning I wouldn't have to. "What about you?"

"Musical stuff, clothes, nothing I'd really call 'cool'." I said, breathing a quiet sigh of relief when I managed to get it all out without stuttering or messing up my words. I raised my hand to run it through my hair, using my arm for a momentary cover so I could drop my casual expression for just a second. It was hard, acting like nothing was wrong between us when I was more or less walking on eggshells around him. After I let it fall back down to my lap I waited patiently for him to reply, heart dropping to my feet when the seconds added up and I realized it wasn't coming.

Did I say something wrong? Shit, I was being so careful! This is why I should just not talk to people ever. How do I fix it? I don't even know what I did wrong! I guess I could ask, it's not like I really have any other option now. "Are you mad at me?"

"No! No, I'm just..." I resisted the urge to smile in relief, knowing he wasn't mad at me finally. I didn't want to seem too clingy so soon after rekindling our friendship. I'd hear him out completely before throwing myself at him and making up for all the snuggling oppurtunities we missed. Maybe we could make up for some lost kissing opportunities too- "Yeah, actually, I'm pissed at you. You've been acting weird toward me since the dance and you've completely ignored me these last three days. I'm not just some toy you can pay attention to when you want!"

"Tyler, I wasn't ignoring you." I said cautiously, strain showing in my voice in the struggle to keep my emotions from showing. I wasn't going to show him how upset his sudden change of heart made me, knowing I probably had it coming for lying to him anyway. He should be mad at me, what kind of friend does that?

"And look, now you're lying too." I felt like my heart was snapping in two over the sour tone he was using, one I thought he reserved only for the likes of Caspar. I deserved this though, for acting like an idiot. I lied to him, I ignored him, and I should be able to put up with him being angry over it. And I would, I'd put up with it, but that didn't mean I liked it at all. I ran a hand through my hair, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't look at him right now if I wanted to get throug this without crying. I'll let him get it off his chest and then we'll talk, really talk this time. "Is that it? You don't have anything else to say for yourself? No explanations for your actions?"

"...No." I wanted to hit myself, I really did. I had tons to say, I was just scared to explain it. I was scared of messing things up when they were already a complete wreck, somehow convinced I'd find some way to make it even worse. However, when he rose from his seat and turned back to give me a glare of pure hatred, I had to wonder if I already had just by staying silent.

"I'm going back downstairs, here's your present." He snapped, gripping it tightly before chucking it right at me with all he was worth. Not expecting the impact I was slightly off-thrown by it, despite the bag feeling relatively light. I watched him storm off with my mouth open and ready to blubber some stupid plea for him to stay, but I doubt he'd want to hear it. Anyone that passionate about making a dramatic exit does not want to come back.

Instead I watched him leave with slightly blurred vision, pouting my lower lip up as I reached a balled-up fist to swipe at the tears gathering on my cheeks. It's fine, it's going to work out, friends fight all the time. Boyfriends fight all the time. It's nothing time can't fix.

I turned to the giftbag that had bounced off my chest onto the bed beside me, grabbing it and tentatively peering inside. All I saw was a blur of blue, letting curiosity get the better of me as I tore it out. It was a welcome distraction from how miserable I felt, my attention completely stolen as I dug out the piece of cloth first. A giddy smile found my face, completely contrasting the leftover tears, as my eyes fell on the blue jacket. It was the perfect shade too, one that I could genuinely say I loved the look of on me. I shrugged it on immediately, not caring that it probably wasn't cold enough in the house to warrant that many layers of clothing.

Now comfortably snuggled into the coat, I investigated the rest of the gift's contents. I pulled out a bracelet next, biting my lip to ward off the smile. It wasn't nearly as bulky and noticeable as my current one, the one still fitting snug around my wrist, but I figured that was the way Tyler wanted it. I'm assuming he bought one for himself too, so he probably wanted something a little bit more stylish. Of course I cared about style too, but up until now that had been the only wearable thing Tyler had bought me. I liked having it on, it was like a constant reminder of how close we'd grown. And whenever I wasn't in a good mood, all I had to do was see a glimpse of it and remember all the memories I'd shared with Tyler, how much he cared. 

Shrugging it onto my wrist along with the old one, I continued digging through the contents of the package. A lot of what was left was a bunch of candy, along with the occasional random things. There was some sort of hair product, I assumed was his favorite and he was trying to introduce me to it. What caught my eye most, however, was the card in the very bottom of the bag. I dug it out, crawling up the bed to lean against the headboard as I tore the envelope open. 

I rolled my eyes at the overly-cheesy Christmas card, knowing he'd picked it on purpose just to make fun of what a 'scrooge' I was. I only made it halfway through the paragraph-long message on the front wishing me a 'memorable holiday filled with joy for ages to come' before I gave up and flipped it open. My eyes went wide as a card slipped out, moving to pick it up first. I pouted slightly upon seeing it was just a boring gas card, half-hoping it was for the movies or something so I had an excuse to ask him to go with me without having to make a big deal of it.

Dismissing the giftcard and setting it on the bed beside me, I looked back to the actual card and pulled my knees tighter against my chest as I started to read through it. The card only came with the words 'happy holidays!' printed on the inside, but Tyler had left a short message of his own in pen.

"Merry Christmas, Troye! Did you like the card? I thought of you as soon as I saw it. I've never been very good at writing these stupid little notes in cards but I figured you probably deserved at least an attempt at one. It took me forever to pick out these gifts so even if you don't like them, pretend you do for my sake. Oh, and don't think you have to give me anything in return, I just wanted to get you something. So I guess this is sort of a thank-you for putting up with me, in all my clingy annoying glory. Love, Tyler." I read it all in silence, a weird mixture of entertained and upset the more I read. The idea of Tyler writing this or even just struggling to shop for me was absolutely adorable, but reading the message knowing our current situation was torture. I felt even worse when I read the end of it, realizing he still considered himself clingy and annoying because I didn't reply to his messages. I wanted to! I was just scared of making things worse. I guess he had no way of telling that though.

"Troye?" I closed the card in a hurry, sitting up further as Sage stormed into my room. Someone does not look or sound happy, what did I do? She stopped standing beside the bed, giving me the most intimidating death glare I'd ever seen her use. Shit, I must have really messed up this time. "Come here."

"What?" I asked, tentatively crawling closer to the edge of the bed and staring at her balled-up hand. What did she have? A bug or something? I didn't leave a bug in her room, who does she think I am? I leaned over her hands, trying to get a glimpse at whatever it was, when she suddenly hauled them away, only to bring it back across my face in a killer slap.

"Ow! Sage, what the hell!?" I shouted, flinching away from her so far I nearly fell off the opposite side of the bed, clutching my own hand to the stinging cheek the entire time.

"I could ask you the same question! Tyler's crying downstairs. What did you do?" I put my whining and glaring on hold, even freezing the rubbing motion of my hand I was doing in an effort to lessen the pain. Physical pain didn't really matter, not in comparison to how absolutely horrible I felt inside knowing I'd made Tyler cry.

"H-He's crying?" I asked tentatively, a gut-wrenching guilt creeping through me as she nodded her head in confirmation. "Shit."

"Well? You better have a damn good excuse or I'm hitting you again." She snapped, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at me. Despite not being entirely sure she was being serious, I found myself inching even further away from her. She groaned loudly, running both of her hands through her hair in a way that could have easily been mistaken for stressfully pulling at it. "Did you guys talk? Is that why he's upset?"

"Not about what we should have." I muttered, staring down at the floor on the opposite side of the bed from her, purposely avoiding absolutely any eye contact.

"Get down there then!" She groaned, her voice practically screaming how frustrated she was. I couldn't really blame her though, I was frustrated with us too.

"He doesn't want to see me." I sighed out, hating the words even more now that they were out loud. It was one thing knowing it in the back of my mind, stating it aloud was just painful. I never wanted there to be a time ever when he didn't want to be near me.

"If you seriously believe that you're even stupider than I thought, and that's pretty damn stupid." I rolled my eyes at her sassy tone, sighing quietly as I started to debate her advice. Does he really want me to go after him? I'm pretty sure storming off means he wants to be left alone, but what do I know about people anyway?

"Where's he at?" I asked, still on the fence about the entire situation.

"The kitchen."

"And everyone's around him? I can't talk to him in front of all them!" I replied immediately, a trace of what could have been mistaken as panic seeping into my voice just over the thought. What if I said the wrong thing and they all pointed it out? They were going to tease me to no end, possibly even be mad at me for making Tyler upset in the first place. No, I can't handle that.

"Troye." Sage said, her tone surprising neutral now, as if trying to comfort me. I took a deep breath, forcing my eyes off the floor and looking back to her. She smiled softly when our gazes locked, exhaling loudly before speaking up. "You said you wanted my help. You haven't taken any of my advice before now, but trust me, this is the one you should listen to. You do not just let people run off crying and not go after them, even I know that."

"What do I say?" I whined out, squishing my face up in exasperation. This was going to suck. What if he still hates me and I just make things worse?

"That doesn't matter, you just have to go after him." Sage insisted, grabbing my wrist before I could dodge and hauling me toward that side of the bed. Deciding it was pointless to fight it anymore I begrudgingly got to my feet, staring at her angrily as I stomped out of the room and toward the stairs. I still had no idea what I was going to say, wracking my mind for absolutely anything as I walked further. Sage was behind me, likely ready to shove me forward if I tried to turn around at any time. She was a bossy little thing when she wanted to be.

I never did turn around though, realizing it was a useless move. It wouldn't accomplish anything and I'd just be forced to move forward again by Sage anyway. So I trudged on, keeping my steps firm while my hands flitted nervously from my pockets, to twiddling my thumbs, to playing with my hair, anything to distract me from the way I felt right now.

I walked nervously into the kitchen, surprised when Sage didn't follow me. I would have looked back over my shoulder to see where she had gone, but that would mean looking up from my feet, which I wasn't sure I was capable of now that I was in the same room as Tyler.

I wasn't sure how long passed with me refusing to look up, everyone else remaining so silent I had to wonder if they were even still there. However, after an undetermined amount of time, a feminine sneeze filled the room and let me know they were still there. Sighing and mustering every ounce of courage I had in me, I slowly lifted my head. I swallowed roughly upon seeing Tyler seated at the table. His head was still in his hands, making me wonder if he'd even looked up to see me yet. All of the parents obviously had, Dad trying to act casual while Mom outright glared at me. Jackie wasn't currently addressing me though, instead paying attention to her son and whispering something to him as she ran her hand up and down his back.

"Uh, hi." I stuttered out, my voice shaky as I struggled over the couple of words. Mom lifted a single eyebrow, looking almost skeptical as she raked her eyes over my frame. Wow, thanks for the moral support, mother. 

My nerves only grew when Tyler didn't lift his head, not even acknowledging me. However, Jackie did look up, giving me a soft sympathetic smile as if alerting me he had heard, he just hadn't replied. I wanted to walk out of the room then, knowing he'd outright ignored me, but I wouldn't. I had to talk to him now, I already saw what happens when I put it off. "Tyler, can I talk to you?"

"I don't care." He said into his hands, the words muffled as he shrugged his shoulders in indifference. I bit my lip, looking to my father for any sort of assistance. He just shrugged his shoulders back, making it clear where I got my social capabilities from. I sighed, taking a quiet breath before speaking up again.

"I meant in private."

"I'm not moving." He responded immediately this time, his voice gruff and strict, enough to make me seriously debate leaving this time. He definitely doesn't seem like he wanted me to come after him. I looked toward the door, rolling my bottom lip between my teeth as I considered an easy escape. Clearly talking about it isn't what we need to do after all, maybe I can just slip out and pretend I was never here. It could work, if I just-

"Actually, we have to make a run to the grocery store to pick up a few last-minute ingredients. Are you coming, Jackie?" I looked back to my mother in disbelief, watching her get to her feet. She picked her purse up from the chair beside her, swinging it onto her shoulder and turning to give me a pointed glare. Okay, nevermind, I guess I'm not allowed to slip out after all.

She looked back to Jackie then, who sighed and gave Tyler one last lingering look before starting to stand.

"Yeah, I guess so." You could just see the worry in her eyes like she didn't want to leave Tyler, her protective instincts kicking into overdrive after seeing him cry. She shot me a warning glare as she walked past, as if trying to ensure I'd be nice to her son in her absence. She still lingered in the door for a few seconds, staring over at Tyler's heaped form with a frown before forcing herself to turn and leave the room. 

"We're just gonna bring everyone so we can collectively decide on what we want at the dinner. You two better stay to keep an eye on the turkey." My mother explained as she walked back into the kitchen, hugging me tightly in her own form of motherly comfort. Or at least that's what I thought it was, until she pinched my hip harshly and whispered in my ear. "You fix this, Troye. Tyler better be smiling when I get back."

"I'll try." I whispered back, eyeing Tyler as I spoke to make sure he wasn't listening in. She nodded before backing out of the hug, plastering a smile onto her face as she looked back and forth between the two of us.

"Steele will probably be here before we're back. Bye boys, have fun!" And with that she turned and walked out of the room, giving a stern look to Sage who was complaining about being forced out of the house and hitting Tyde on the back of the head for stupidly not wearing a jacket. After that she was quick to herd everyone out of the house, as if rushing to make sure they were gone before we blew up into some sort of fight or something. I hoped we wouldn't be that aggressive.

After the door closed behind them the house was deadly silent in comparison, to the point I could hear Tyler's harsh breathing and occasional sniffle from where he was still leaned over the table. I even jumped when he spoke up suddenly, thankfully catching myself before I fell on my butt or something and made a fool of myself.

"I changed my mind, I hate your family." I grinned despite myself just over the sound of his voice, oddly relieved he was talking to me even if it was just to complain about being left alone with me.

"You don't mean that." I scoffed, secretly unsure of my own words. Hopefully he doesn't hate them. As much as I complain about them myself, they can be kind of cool sometimes. 

He didn't reply, an uncomfortable silence finding the room again that left me searching for something to say to fix it. I came up short after about a minute, deciding I'd better just be straightforward. I had to stop putting it off, we needed to have a serious talk if we wanted to fix this the right way. "Can we go up to my room now?"

"Do I have a choice?" He asked skeptically, lifting his head finally. My heart clenched seeing the tear streaks all over his face, feeling absolutely horrible as he got to his feet and started around the table. He didn't stop beside me like I expected, instead just carrying on right into the other room. I followed, realizing he was headed up to my room only after he took the first step up the stairs. I followed behind him slowly, suddenly nervous again about what was about to happen. What if it goes horribly and he storms off?

I didn't really have the option to back out now though, following him right into my room. I was slightly surprised when he sat right on my bed without any hesitation, looking up at me expectantly when I stayed lingering in the doorway.

"You said you wanted to talk, get in here and talk." He snapped, my legs moving before he even finished his statement. I hurried across the room, sitting on the edge of the mattress beside him. My heart was racing as I tried to come up with what to say, discreetly watching him out of the corner of my eye. He just looked around the room at first, surprising me when he paused to swipe at his cheek, making me realize he was crying again. Shit. I have to fix this now, I don't want him to shed another tear over me.

"I'm sorry." I blurted, not even trying to hide my attention and instead turning my entire body to face him. He glanced over at me with faked disinterest across his features, quirking his eyebrow in an obvious bid to get me to elaborate. "Tyler, I really am. I was so scared of saying something that'd make things worse that I said nothing, which ended up being the absolute worst thing I could have done. You don't deserve to have to second-guess everything I do and I realize that now. I'm shit at showing my feelings, but I promise I'm going to try and get better."

"What exactly are your feelings then? Because I'm still not entirely sure." He asked, his tone still cold but his eyes beginning to show their familiar warmth. I debated for only a second, realizing almost immediately what I felt strongest at the moment.

"Guilt, mostly." I explained, trying to study his eyes for any sort of reaction. He was surprisingly amazing at keeping them contained though, eyes void of any evidence as they stared right back into mine.

"For?" He urged, clearly not letting me off the hook easy. I couldn't really blame him though, knowing I deserved it. He deserved an explanation.

"For lying, for ignoring you, for making you cry." I sighed out all on the same breath, feeling oddly relieved after getting it off my chest. He seemed to need a moment to process, turning his head away from me. I waited patiently, ready to reply to whatever he said next. The tension already felt lightened, making it clear I was definitely doing the right thing to sort this out. Maybe by the time the conversation ends we'll be back to our usual selves.

"Lying about ignoring me? Or is there something else I should know about?" He didn't look back at me as he spoke this, his tone strangely cautious as if worried how I'd react to the question. I bit my lip, realizing it was probably because he wasn't sure what I was about to reply with. He's probably worried I've been lying about something a lot more serious than that and doesn't know what to expect.

I guess I didn't really have the ignoring thing in mind when I said it, knowing here is when I should confess what's really been eating away at me these last few days. Ugh, this is not going to be fun at all.

"I hate this sharing feelings thing already, it's super awkward." I stated, earning the first giggle I'd heard from him all day. I felt like my heart was restoring itself three sizes bigger just after hearing it, knowing that this had to be the right thing now. It's worth it. I can blaze past the awkward stage if it means getting the happy Tyler back. "I, uh, I didn't exactly forget what we did while I was drunk."

"Are you serious?" He replied immediately, his composed act completely vanishing as he turned to me with wide eyes. I blushed crimson, not expecting that much of a reaction after how unresponsive he'd been before. I mean, I guess it was warranted, but it was still embarrassing. I sighed, realizing I hadn't replied after promising myself I would, tentatively nodding my head as I continued to watch for his reactions. He spent nearly a minute just gawking at me then, jaw dropped and eyes curious as they studied my face intently. I was half-surprised when he finally spoke up again after such a long pause. "Like, you remember all of it?"

"Not every single thing that was said, but I remember everything we did." I answered honestly, cheeks heating up to the point of uncomfortable the more I thought about that night. I couldn't believe I was sat here talking to Tyler about it, something I'd never have expected myself to do.

"Well, that is super awkward." He muttered, looking down at his feet for a change. I chuckled next to him, nodding in agreement as I looked up at the ceiling in search of a distraction.

"Hence the ignoring you until I could find a way to not make it awkward." I explained, glancing over at him despite my awkward angle. I was relieved to see him nod in understanding, hoping this meant he was no longer upset with me over it now that he knew my motives. I couldn't really just ask him that though, giving him more time to process the new information as I stared at the ceiling. I followed the outlines of at least twenty of the glow-in-the-dark stars and planets before he spoke up again, voice so quiet and tentative I could hardly recognize it.

"Do you regret it?" I chuckled awkwardly, looking anywhere but to him as I tried to sort out an answer in my head. I didn't have to think about it, knowing I didn't regret it in the slightest already. I did, however, have to think about what to tell him. Should I be honest? What if he regrets it? What if I don't word it right and it just sounds creepy? I sighed, running a hand through my hair and continuing to avoid his gaze as I cautiously spoke up.

"Should I?"

"Maybe." I frowned at his response, immediately worrying I'd said the wrong thing. "-But I'm glad you don't, because neither do I." A smile broke out across my face then, a breath of relief leaving my chest as I relaxed next to him for what felt like the first time in days. We sat in a comfortable silence, both of us lost in thought. I wasn't sure what was on his mind, but I was stressing over our next topic. I figured we were on a roll, we might as well get all of the tense things out of the way now. 

"So, uh, what does this mean?" I asked finally, looking up at him curiously. It wasn't exactly specific, but I hoped he could figure it out on his own. I realized that my hopes were a bit too high, however, when he looked over at me with his eyebrows knit together.

"...That we had phonesex?" He asked curiously, giving me a look of pure confusion.

"No! No, I mean like... what are we?" I spoke slowly as if testing the words out, still worried about how they'd sound. After they were out there was no taking them back though, my mouth snapping closed as I took a shaky breath. I didn't look away though, watching his face for his every reaction, disappointed when he kept up the blank expressionless mask from earlier.

"What do you want to be?" He asked after only a couple seconds, his tone cryptic in the sense it gave nothing away. I groaned, tugging at my hair in frustration as I tried to figure out how to respond without seeming over-eager, but still passionate.

"Why do you keep asking me all the hard questions?" I laughed, only half serious as I shot him a sideways glare. He shrugged his shoulders, giving a deceivingly innocent smile before finishing it off with a wink. It was like he was just trying to drag the response out of me now, his incessant flirting making it very clear what kind of reply he was hoping for. I guess it was his way of helping me along, knowing what a big deal it was for me to speak these next words. I could feel my palms sweating and my heart racing, knowing even before I'd have to stutter the words out given how heavy my tongue suddenly felt with anxiety. "I-I want to be yours."

"Yeah? Mine?" I could feel my cheeks heating up all over again, nervously fidgeting my fingers as I played with the string of my jacket. Every second felt like an eternity waiting for his response. I knew what it'd be, he'd made it pretty clear, but it didn't keep me from freaking out over the intensity of the moment. "You're cute when you blush."

"Shut-up." I snapped, annoyed with his observation solely because it wasn't the words I was waiting on. He couldn't just leave me hanging after saying something like that, he had to know my whole world depended on his reply.

"Will you be my boyfriend, Troye Sivan?" He asked, my breath catching despite the fact I'd been expecting the words. That wasn't surprising though, who could ever prepare themselves for hearing something like that? I opened my mouth to reply, promptly snapping it back shut when words failed me so I wasn't stuck gaping uselessly. He giggled beside me, leaning forward so he could get a better view of me, grinning cheekily the longer I struggled to remember how to use the ability of speech. "Is that a no?"

"No! I mean no, it's not a no. Yes! I want to! God, I really want to." I groaned, thoroughly disappointed with the response I finally managed to get out, pressured into it by his stupid question. His answering cackle made it clear he'd done it on purpose, likely entertained by what a blubbering fool I was. I sighed, sinking my face into my hands. "I'm an idiot."

"True," He responded, pausing before grabbing my chin and lifting it from my hands, beaming a smile at me as soon as our eyes locked again. "But a cute idiot."

"Oh, that's not so bad then." I laughed, blushing under his focused gaze. I couldn't look away either, held in place by his firm grip on my jaw. He shifted his grip, running his thumb over my bottom lip, pulling it out slightly before letting it snap back into place. Realizing his intentions I let my eyes fall shut, not even worried about looking needy for a kiss in case it wasn't even his plan. I didn't care if it was his plan or not right now, he was going to kiss me.

A few seconds passed before I was sighing and grumbling under my breath as I let my eyes flutter back open, glaring into his ones alight with mischief. He grinned cheerily upon getting my attention again, opening his mouth to spit some stupid teasing sentence. He never got the chance though, before I was rolling my eyes and bring my own hand up to grab the back of his neck, pulling him insistently toward me. 

Our lips smashed together with such force I was genuinely surprised our teeth didn't click, though grateful it hadn't happened as I started to eagerly weave my lips between his. I sucked his bottom lip between mine, furrowing my eyebrows when he refused to move his lips back against mine at all. Quickly growing tired of his games, I nipped at his lip harshly, earning a surprised gasp. I took advantage of the reaction, using it as the perfect chance to slip my tongue into his mouth without warning. Despite his resistance a second ago, he definitely didn't protest, moaning softly as his tongue met with mine.

We kissed desperately, as if we actually were trying to make up for all the ones we'd missed while fighting. While my mouth worked against his passionately and dominantly, his hands ran up my thighs, entire body turning to face me. They never got to the top of my legs, pausing a good distance from anywhere that'd be considered really sexual. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed by that fact. It wasn't until he pulled away from the kiss, both of us panting from the effort as our eyes opened and locked, that I realized it was definitely disappointed.

He looked so hot right now, hair a mess and lips slightly swollen from all the pressure I'd put on them. His eyes were dilated too, dark with interest as they scanned my face right back. When they finally looked back to mine, creasing at the corners in happiness, I could have sworn my heart stopped beating for a few seconds. Had I not known it was impossible, I might have even said it flew right out of my chest. I felt like it could right now, I felt like I could fly right now.

"I got you a Christmas present too, by the way." I managed finally, voice still breathless despite the time I'd spent trying to get it even again. He grinned, scooting closer to me as his eyes widened in excitement.

"What is it?" He asked, batting his eyelashes like that'd make me tell him quicker. I reached into my beside table, handing him the enveloped and smirking when he shot me a confused look. He opened it slowly as if he was worried about damaging the packaging, taking the card out. He rolled his eyes at ugly Christmas sweater collage on the front, opening it and jumping when the paper slipped out from it. He picked it up and I watched in rapt fascination as he scanned the words slowly, lips twitching into a smile he was clearly trying to fight off.

"You're a dick." He muttered, looking back up to me in a glare. Even with his bitter expression you could see the way his eyes sparkled. It probably wasn't the most exciting gift, a gift card more-or-less to have his car completely fixed at the local auto-shop, but I figured that was the closest I could get to forcing him to buy a not-shitty car. He would never accept an entire car from me, even if it secretly costed just as much to get his fixed. He didn't have to know that though, considering I'd already forked the money over. All he had to do was give them the slip with both of our signatures on it.

"That's not all! But the next thing is kind of lame, so bear with me." I explained, nerves coming back to me in full-force as I got ready for the next half of his gift. I'd been doubting this one since I'd made the decision at the beginning of the month, deciding against it only to change my mind back so many times I couldn't keep straight whether I was going to do it or not ever. I'd actually decided against it after the whole not-talking-to-each-other fiasco, but after what just happened, it feels almost necessary to give him the sappier part of the present. Besides, if I don't do it now I might not ever.

He nodded in response to my statement, not even bothering to try and hide the curiosity in his eyes as he watched me get to my feet and start across the room. I sighed as I sat down on my desk chair, spinning it around to face him as I picked up my guitar. I watched his expression change from excited to disbelief, eyebrows furrowing.

"Troye?" He asked almost tentatively, the single word reply speaking an entire question. He was asking if I was about to do what he thought I was, and as nervous as I was, I was ecstatic to be able to say yes for a change.

"I already told you that it's about you, but I figured what's the good of that if you don't get to actually hear me sing it, you know?" I laughed awkwardly, gripping the neck of the guitar tighter in one hand so I could brush my hair back into place.

"You don't have to, Troye." He said quietly, making it clear he was picking up on all the anxious vibes I was giving off. I just shook my head though, bringing the hand back down to grab the guitar pick off my desk behind me.

"No, I want to. Just don't make fun of me when I inevitably suck and mess up a hundred times out of nerves." I assured him, offering a weak smile before looking back down to the guitar. I could play without looking, but I was certain I'd get distracted or even more nervous if I stayed looking at him and watching his reactions.

I let my eyes fall shut as I inhaled deeply, beginning the short intro to the song on the guitar as I evened out my breathing. I decided to keep my eyes closed as I started to sing, heart racing as I put all my focus into my voice. I didn't open them until I reached the chorus, deciding to let them meet with Tyler's against my better judgment. I couldn't help it, it was impossible to keep my eyes off of something so addictive.

I was pleasantly relieved to find it did the opposite of what I'd thought it would, his warm smile only comforting me as I continued to sing. I wasn't sure what I'd expected to see, but the comforting expression he held now was everything I needed and more. There wasn't a trace of anything less than genuine to be found in his features, practically radiating pride as he watched me perform.

I broke our gaze as I finished off the song, singing the last few notes staring out the window instead. As I finished I let my eyes fall closed, preparing myself for a few seconds before inevitably looking back to Tyler to see his final reaction. My mouth immediately fell open when I saw the tears streaking his face.

"Why are you crying?" I blurted, secretly worrying it had something to do with how bad my singing was, even if his earlier actions made that highly unlikely. He reached a hand up to swab up the tears, smiling softly as he stared down at the duvet.

"Come here, idiot." He muttered, still refusing to look back up at me. I didn't argue though, following his order obediently and dropping the guitar. I stumbled over to him, too distracted by all the things going on inside my head to really pay attention to anything else. I paused beside the bed, debating where I should sit for only a second before he opened his arms, inviting me to fall onto him. I wasn't about to object, clumsily stumbling onto him and squealing slightly as he leaned back, letting us both fall onto the bed in an awkward diagonal position. I giggled, lifting my upper-half with my arms to hover above him, staring down at his content grin in a daze.

"Is it too soon to confess my undying love for you? Would that scare you off?" He giggled underneath me, bringing me back to reality. I stared down at him blankly for a few seconds before what he'd said really sunk in, a stupid smile finding my face as I realized what he'd just admitted to for the first time out loud.

"I mean, to be fair we've sort-of been together for months now, just without the benefits." I answered thoughtfully, bracing myself on my elbows rather than my hands, our breath just barely mingling with our lips at the closer proximity.

"Boyfriends without the benefits." Tyler joked in response, a smirk finding my lips as I thought about how true the statement was.

"Yeah, exactly. So really, when you think about it, it's not that soon to say it." I explained, watching him nod in agreement with everything I said. I could tell by now he was just trying to pull the words out of me, but I was intrigued to see how far he'd push it if I didn't give in, if he'd end up just outright demanding it.

"Plus you already said it when you were drunk." He added, my eyebrows shooting up at the new information. I didn't remember that part of my drunken adventures, blushing as I wondered what he'd replied with. I was actually quite disappointed I forgot that of all things, wishing I had that memory to store away forever, even if it was groggy from my alcohol-induced state at the time. I wasn't going to let my disappointment show, chuckling as I let on I was okay with the loss.

"Did I?" I asked curiously, watching his answering nod of confirmation. The movement was almost eager, as if trying to fly through my casual conversation and get to the confession he was after. I decided not to let him off quite that easy though, clicking my tongue as I looked away from him. "Drunk people have a tendency to be brutally honest, don't they?"

"So?" He urged, beginning to get completely desperate as he hitched his legs around the back of mine with ease. He slid his up and down along mine, my pantleg riding up with his movements and leaving my calf exposed to the chilling temperature of the house.

"So?" I responded, smirking cheekily as his pleading expression turned to one of annoyance, realizing finally that I was just messing with him. He glared at me then, pouting his lips out as an angry huff of air left his nostrils. I couldn't resist the urge to laugh at his response, only making him sulk further. I knew exactly how to cheer him up though, balancing my weight on one side as I lifted a hand to push his hair back. "I love you, in all your clingy annoying glory."

"And I guess I might love you back, even when you're the densest idiot to walk the Earth." He responded, a cheeky smile of his own finding his lips as his eyes refused to meet with mine. I rolled my eyes, knowing I'd more or less welcomed the teasing with my own but still not entirely impressed by it. Deciding to just push through like he hadn't been so sarcastic and teasing, I leaned down and pecked his forehead, drawing away to grin down at him.

"Good." I stated, scanning his face for a reaction. He nodded in agreement, though not nearly as excitedly this time. The movement was small, almost like he was tentative not to ruin the emotional moment we had going. It was hard to believe it held any emotion after we'd so blatantly tried to make our confessions sarcastic so they were less sappy, but I guess he was clinging to the shreds of it.

Wondering if an emotional confession was what he'd been hoping for, I decided to give him the next best thing no that we'd messed that up. I leaned down again, keeping my eyes locked with his for any signs of hesitance, when I found none I eagerly connected our lips again. He didn't waste any time not kissing me back this time, lips moving languidly together as our eyes fell shut. It wasn't like our desperate one earlier though, the kiss almost lazy in the way we drew out every action, concentrating on each movement and response rather than the fast-paced thoughtless ones we'd used earlier.

This kiss also lasted longer than the others, only ending when he physically grabbed the hair on the back of my head and pulled me back. I wasn't necessarily happy about it but of course I obliged, detaching our mouths so he could have a breather. Immediately I started to trail kisses down his jaw as I waited for him to fully catch his breath, leaving a sloppy trail that didn't stop until I was about to hit his ear.

"God, it's hard to believe you haven't had years of experience at that." He breathed out, voice deep and raspy both from lack of oxygen and what I hoped was arousal.

"Mmm?" I urged in a hum against the concave indent where his jaw met his neck, eager to hear more praise. Who doesn't love a good ego-stroking compliment?

"Yeah, you're like an expert alread- Ah! Troye!" I latched my lips onto the spot as his compliment got to me, a surge of confidence shooting through me that had me making movements I would consider less than rational. However, he didn't see to mind, judging by the moan of my name he gave. I sucked at the sensitive skin harshly, lashing my tongue against it when he gave a desperate whimper. I was about to pull away and leave it at that when his hips suddenly bucked up underneath me, both of us moaning at the unexpected friction. I let my head fall to rest against his collarbone then, panting against his chest before picking myself up again.

I stared down at his neck contently, looking at the one vibrant purpling mark standing out among the ones that were faded so badly you could only see them if you were looking. They definitely looked a lot better this way, freshly marking him as mine. I looked away for a second, meeting his curious gaze unintentionally. I chuckled, moving into a sitting position on his lap while he laid underneath of me, shrugging my shoulders as I nonchalantly gave my explanation.

"All the old ones were faded." He rolled his eyes, shifting underneath of me until I brought my weight off of him. I expected him to sit up, surprised when he just shimmied up the bed instead, settling with his head on the pillows and an inviting smile as he propped himself up a bit.

I didn't have to debate my next move, immediately following his lead and crawling back up over his body, settling down against him and squeezing my eyes shut in pleasure at the way our hips settled flush against each other. I opened them quickly though, slightly embarrassed by my body's natural reaction. I was quickly put at ease however, seeing that his were still shut. I took advantage of his distraction, working on awkwardly shrugging the jacket off and tossing it to the foot of the bed. I was going to leave it at that, eyes widening when his hands found the hem of my shirt and tugged on it insistently.

Deciding I'd better give him what he wanted I swatted his hands away and replaced their spot on my shirt, lifting it over my head and chucking it carelessly behind me. I didn't care about it as much as the jacket, it wasn't a gift from Tyler. 

Despite swatting them away seconds ago Tyler had no inhibitions as he lifted his hands again, immediately settling them on my bare stomach and running them slowly upward. I blushed, a sudden flashback from the other night in the kitchen making me realize why he was so forward, knowing I'd practically forced his hands to touch my chest then. Either way, I didn't regret it if it meant him touching me now without having to ask, eyes falling shut contently as his hands stopped on my pectorals. My teeth sunk into my bottom lip as he trailed a finger around either side at the same time, my breath hitching every time he got close to where I wanted him to touch.

"You also confessed while drunk that you love having your nipples touched." He stated matter-of-factly, the corresponding blush deep enough to make my cheeks burn.

"Did I?" I urged, opening my eyes slowly. I watched him nod in response, thumbs finally traveling in the right directions at the same time. A gasp left my mouth as they ran over the sensitive flesh, my hips grinding downward against his in reaction. Despite his breath hitching, he managed to keep the movements of his hands up, pausing only to tweak them both at the same time. An involuntary mewl filled the room as his touch caused my eyes to roll back, breathing heavier the more pleasure he provided me with. 

However, realizing I'd been neglecting him in my dazed state, I let my eyes open again and fixed my gaze on his chest. I moved to tug at his shirt, my movements clumsy with how eager I was to see him. He reached for my hands in what I'd hoped was an effort to replace their task, frowning when he instead grabbed my wrists and forced them to still.

"We should stop." He stated, tone absent of any emotions. My eyes went wide, flickering back up to his. They were just as emotionless, my body acting as if on instinct as I scrambled off of him and fell on the bed next to him, keeping my eyes glued to the ceiling as I tried to get my heart rate back to normal.

"Yeah, of course. We don't have to do anything you don't want to, ever." I answered after a few seconds, still breathless but managing to say the words genuinely. I wanted him to be comfortable asking us to stop, even if it seemed like the last thing I wanted right now, the real last thing would probably be to make him do something he didn't want to and hurt him.

"No, I mean your family's going to be home any minute." He laughed next to me, my eyebrows shooting up as I turned to face him.

"So, wait. You'd want to then? Like, go further." I pried, studying his features curiously for any flicker of emotion. A smirk started to spread across his lips and I was curious what his reply would be, groaning in exasperation when the doorbell sounded.

"That's probably Steele and Amy, we should go greet them." Tyler said thoughtfully, rolling over to get off his side of the bed. I groaned even louder, desperate to get his attention and the conversation back despite knowing the moment had passed. He giggled from somewhere by the foot of the bed, surprising me when a shirt landed on my chest a moment later.

"You suck." I muttered, sitting up and lazily shrugging it on. I drew out every movement in both an effort to tease him and to prolong the time we had alone before we'd be forced to be hosts to my brother and his girlfriend.

"Not yet I don't." He replied with a cheeky tone, ducking out of the room just as I gasped in understanding, gaping at the back of his head as he disappeared out of sight, shocked by his forwardness. I guess we were dating now though, I should probably expect an increase in his flirting, if that's even possible. God, I hope he doesn't expect me to keep my hands off him for long, it was hard enough with his old levels of flirting.

A/n: kaLI YOU WROTE A WHOLE CHAPTER OF TROYE POV WITH NO MINDREADING1!!11!11 Shut-up, get off my lawn don't talk to me, I hope you find a snapping turtle in your pillowcase. Kidding, but seriously, just let me do me. I'll add mindreading when I feel like it or when I remember, ok? Okay. WUGUSTUS AATERS!!! no. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, im tired and egg nog and fuckity fuck i was meant to finish this like yesterday idk it just took forever it isnt even long my life is a sham- shamWOW (as seen on tv). You're welcome, okay, bye. Look another edit by @KaterinaSivan from twitter she's cute i like her 

ALSO THE DEADLINE FOR THE WATTY'S VOTING IS THE 15TH SO GO TO TWITTER AND VOTE!!! Compose a tweet with the link to the story and hashtag #Wattys2014

alsO CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO EMMY BC WE DOUBLE UPDATED!! GO CONGRATULATE HER ON 400K AND ALSO DID I MENTION I HIT 2 MILLION THANKS YOU'RE RAD ROBBIES LUH YOU