e i g h t e e n

When Sam was fourteen he signed himself up for a junior competition at a skateboarding event and even though when he had took the pen and looped his name in the signup sheet he had been fairly confident in winning. When it came down to the hour, however, he was a buddle of nerves, more nervous that he had ever been in his life and had ended up puking before he made his way to the ramp.

He had thought he'd never feel that anxious again.

He was wrong.

Nothing made him more nervous than Felix Baldwin and he was finding that as more time went on it was just getting worse, although it was more towards where exactly this thing between him and Felix was going rather than before when he thought Felix was trying to kill him 24/7 while being terrifyingly gorgeous.

As always Felix had done the unexpected and put Sam of the edge of death with completely out of character and spontaneous decisions. Sam wasn't sure what exactly Felix's end game with him was but he was sure at this moment he was going to go along with everything thrown his way until Felix destroyed him. Saddest part, right now, Sam didn't mind.

So he followed Felix like an eager puppy down street after street until he stopped in front of a gate and hopped over it. Now Sam, for some deranged reason had been expecting something other than the completely normal house in front of him; two stories high, white paint, front porch and relatively big front garden and a driveway. The rumours that had circle Felix since the day he decided to come in wearing all black and eyeliner had messed up Sam's expectations of his home life and it was anything but this. He had been expecting a huge Victorian mansion at the edge of town, surrounded by mist and swirling clouds, bats screeching from the roof like some low-budget monster movie despite 1. Having no Victorian Mansion anywhere in town and 2. Actually knowing that Felix's parents worked in relatively normal jobs as an accountant and nurse and looking relatively normal.

Trying not to look too disappointed, Sam stepped over the gate (and stumbling again, misinterpreting just how high it was compared to his short legs) and followed Felix up the path to the house.

There was a faded black number 32 painted on the side with the family name on plaque and a door bell underneath that, a shiny white one that showed that it was new unlike Sam's doorbell that hadn't been changed since he was small and was the culprit for multiple misunderstandings with the mailmen and a blessing from religious convertors.

He looked around as Felix rummaged around his pockets and came across something that made his stomach give an awful lurch.

It was a ramp leading up to the side of the porch.

He felt the blood drain from his face and a buzz come about his ears. He couldn't believe he had forgotten.

Felix had managed to find his keys and had opened the door as Sam turned back to face him, watching his back as it prized open the door and disappeared inside. Reluctantly, Sam followed.

It was like stepping onto uncharted territory, to feel as though you were about to witness something had no one had ever seen before. You were about to make a discovery that would shake the nation and change your life forever. His palms were sweaty and his stomach was in knots as he timidly crept past the threshold into a bright hallway.

Felix was nowhere to be seen but there was door open onto the left and he could hear shuffling on the other side, awkwardly he shuffled into the room finding it to be a living room where Felix had shed his usual heavy jacket and was now lacing off his boots.

Sam's eyes moved instantly to the bare skin of Felix's arm and away again before he noticed he was staring like a creep to the pictures on the wall. He recognised Felix's parents; a bald man and a woman with curly blonde hair smiling into the camera with Felix and his brother below them and in some of the other ones by themselves. Another twist came in Sam's stomach as he looked at the boy next to Felix, grinning happily. He tried hard not to glance at Felix then, didn't want to show that he knew or show anything on his face like pity or sympathy.

"I didn't push him, if that's what you're thinking," suddenly came Felix voice beside him, making Sam jump.

"W-what?" Sam managed to gulp out, even though he knew exactly what Felix was talking about.

"Oscar, "Felix nodded towards the boy in the photos that wasn't himself. "I know what people say about what happened. I didn't push him."

Sam glanced at him, blinded by the molten silver of Felix's eyes, blazed by what he was telling Sam, daring him to disagree.

"OK," Sam uttered, looking at Felix's feet and finding skull decorated socks that made him want to laugh despite the feeling like all the hot air had been sucked out of the room. "I never thought you did."

It was silent after that, just the heavy breathes of Felix as he stared down at Sam, both of them not daring to move. And then there was the click of a door and the sound of a woman's voice flood through the quiet house. Felix was moving instantly, away from Sam and over to wear his shoes and jacket were sat precariously on the floor and buddle them up in a hurry. While Sam suddenly straightened up, feeling incredibly awkward.

" – I don't know why your acting like this Oscie, all I said was – "

"Ugh, mum can you just leave it!?" another voice came through the door, a boy.

There was a various pattern of sounds as the two people came into the house, the clink of keys and feet and squeaks. Sam looked over to Felix for help who was just frowning back at him and being of no help at all.

"Oh Jesus, why is there a skateboard on the ground!" Felix's mum moaned and Sam opened his mouth in horror while Felix glared at him, not believing what he was hearing.

"Well, it isn't exactly going to be mine, is it?" Oscar replied back with dry humour.

"Felix!" His mum called angrily, just before the living room door swung open and she appeared. "Oh," she said as he noticed Sam was standing there with her son. "Hello, dear. Who might you be? One of Felix's friends?" She looked between Felix and Sam, a smile on her face. Sam noticed straightaway where Felix got his eyes from, the same shade of light gray.

"Uh yeah," something like that. Sam coughed in discomfort. "I'm sorry about the board, it's mine. I- I didn't think..."

Felix's mum had moved away at that point to let her other son through to see what had stopped his mother from going ballistic like she usually did at Felix. Sam watched as the boy wheeled into the room, looking curiously at Sam, his board perched on his lap as he used his hands to move the wheels. Sam could feel Felix's eyes on him, daring him to react. "'Sup, Oscar?" He said instead at the younger boy, who blinked in surprise then grinned.

"Hi," Oscar responded brightly, picking up his board and handing it out to him. "Nice board."

"Thanks, dude," Sam took the board of him. "My pride and joy."

It was two years ago when the news that Oscar Baldwin had fallen from the big oak tree at the edge of the forest while climbing it with his brother, Felix, hit the town. It was around the time Felix had started being called a freak so when the news got around that Felix had been with his brother when it happened, the rumours became cruel. If it wasn't bad enough that Felix was being blamed for his brother's fall, but for his disability that had come out of it too.

"Mum," Felix interrupted Sam and Oscar as Sam started to get into a discussion about his hobby. "Me and Sam are going upstairs, for a chemistry project."

"A project, eh?" Oscar piped up, looking slyly at Felix.

Felix huffed out a laugh, striding towards his brother and ruffling his hair and smacking him lightly. "Shut up, Oscie." There was no bitterness in his voice, for the first time a smile broke across Felix's face that Sam had never seen before. Completely and utter fondness radiated from Felix as he gave one last shove before he was making his way out the door, looking back at Sam briefly, expecting him to follow with his usual scowl back in place.

"I'll see you guys later," Sam said, not wanting to be rude as he hiked up his stuff as he departed from the living room. "You have a lovely home, Mrs Baldwin."

He could almost feel Felix's eye roll behind him, but his mother just smiled and that was a win for Sam.

"Thank you... Sam was it? Would you like some snacks, or something to drink?"

"Oh that won't be.." it was in that moment Sam's stomach gave a loud growl, obviously listening in to the conversation. "Uh..." he blushed scarlet," that would actually be so awesome, if you wouldn't mind?"

Felix's mum just smiled and went towards what Sam guessed was the kitchen.

~💀~

Felix's room was everything Sam had imagined and more. The room was covered in band posters and disturbing images that would probably keep Sam up at night if it had been in his room.

"You're obsession with food is concerning," Felix said as they entered and dumped his stuff at the end of his bed.

"Hey, it's a basic human need," sniffed Sam automatically as he did his nosey around the room, taking in the mass amount of black. He clutched his skateboard tightly, his heart rocketing in his chest as he strictly avoided looking at anywhere but the bed.

Felix snorted. "The amount you eat is inhuman." He picked up a guitar that had been sitting in the corner and sat crossed legged on the floor as Sam still hovered over the doorway like a weirdo, just watching as Felix got settle and flipped his hair a bit as he got his fingers on the right strings and listened to the sound of tiny metallic clicks and squeaks as he did so.

"Well sit down, you idiot." Felix snapped at him when he noticed he was still standing by his door, nodding to his bed behind him. Sam gulped, switching his focus from the bed to Felix who was starting up a tune that Sam didn't recognise, completely ignoring him. Could he not see what he was doing to Sam? How could he not see that he was genuinely killing him with the simplest of things.

Somehow, Sam forced himself to walk across the room and place himself on the edge of Felix's bed, sinking into the black (surprise) duvet cover, not making a sound as the room was filled with the soft notes carrying out from Felix's guitar as he played. After a while, Sam relaxed, letting his shoulders sink and straightened his back as he lets the notes flow through him. Felix started a familiar tune, the first notes of one of his band's songs that Sam would repeatedly whisper under his breath when he wasn't concentrating (which was often), and by the sly look that Felix cast his way he knew it too.

Soon enough, Sam found himself mouthing the lyrics, then mumbling them out loud until Felix was fully looking at him, a huge grin on his face and then they were both singing. Sam was never a great singer, his talents lay with dangerous stunts, but Felix didn't seem to mind as he gave another dazzling smile, eyes encouraging and bright. Sam had probably never felt this happy as both he and Felix finished, breathlessly laughing.

"I can't believe you know all the words," Felix laughed, "how often where you watching us practice?"

Sam shrugged. "It started off just being curious, wanting to know more about you and I just started liking the band, I guess."

Felix looked at him for a moment, analysing like he usually did. "You're a bit of weird case for someone that's practically worshipped around the school."

"Hey!" Sam said in defence but couldn't really say anything else, because he really was. "I guess I'm just a nice guy." Sam had said this as a joke, some half-hearted but the way Felix continued to look at him, no hint of amusement or exasperation, but with just like a settlement coming over him, as if he was finally beginning to see the full picture and know exactly just what made Sam tick.

"I guess you are," Felix nodded, ducking over his guitar strap as he took the instrument back over to the corner and on its stand. He paused at it, stroking the strings absent-minded as he spoke again," thanks for... you know, treating Oscar like you did."

Sam took in a breath, completely stunned by Felix all over again, before he broke out in a grin. "I remember him when he was little, that's all. I just did the same as anyone else would."

Felix rounded on him, " no – that's the thing, they don't. They nev-"

The door swung open and Felix's mother stepped inside with a plate stacked with food, a jug full of juice on her other hand and two cups calmed in at her elbow.

Felix took one look at her then the plate and groaned in horror, " mum! Not the fairy bread!"

His mother looked taken aback. "Why? You love fairy bread?"

Felix hid his face and sighed angrily while Sam watched with absolute amazement. "Yeah, when I was like six."

Felix's mother shushed him and smiled over at Sam who was already on his feet taking the jug off her and placing it on the black desk next to a few pages of lyrics and disturbing sketches. "Fairy bread, dear?" She offered the plate to him.

Sam felt Felix's eyes on him, glaring so hard as to make Sam spontaneously combust, and for the first time Sam ignored the stare of Felix Baldwin and said, "don't mind if I do, Mrs Baldwin."

"Oh call me Kathy, dear."

And helped himself all the while Felix cursed them both.

"You are the biggest kiss ass I've ever met," Felix told him when his mother finally left, both of them now sitting on the bed at ease. Sam just gave him another grin while digging into the colourful snack and soon Felix joined him.

a/n: so this is long, huh? Just as Felix and Sam's relationship grows so does my chapter length ~~

right so, I'll be starting my first year of college TOMMORROW, please pray for me. Unfortunately this probably means less updates this year as i'm actual going to try and not slack off like the most of my high school days so don't hold it against me

i love you all, thank you so much for all your comments, votes and reads!! I never expected people to like this as much as it is getting, so thank you.