Kabanata 27

Magkasama

"What?" bungad ko kay Yuan nang makarating ako sa archery zone ni Tito Timothy.

He stood idly as he stared at me.

Nakasumbrero siya habang nakasuot ng dark green na v-neck shirt, pants, at sneakers. Hindi nakalagpas sa paningin ko ang relong nasa pulsuhan niya lalong-lalo na ang paborito niyang bracelet.

"Tara." He gestured his head, turned his back, and went inside.

Nilinga ko ang paligid bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob. Sinalubong ako ng malamig na hangin kasama ang tahimik na paligid. May bumating staff kay Yuan nang lumapit siya.

I was weirded out.

Una, dahil dito ako pinapunta ni Yuan.

Nang mag-text siya sa 'kin kanina na magkita raw kami rito—ASAP, he said—hindi ko maintindihan ang ipinupunto niya. Wala naman kaming naka-schedule na appointment ngayon dahil abala ako sa project ko. Pero kung makapag-text siya, akala mo ay libre ako palagi.

It was okay, I was free for today, but the problem was—I had no energy to deal with anything but my project, yet. Naubos ni Kuya Thunder ang enerhiya ko na mag-isip kahit na halos isang linggo na ang nakalilipas.

"Anong meron?" I asked when there were no customers around.

Base sa kwento ni tito, weekdays man o weekends, ay may mga customer. Reservation ang sistema rito at madalas ay fully booked kaya hindi tumatanggap ng walk-in. Kung ikukumpara kasi sa reputasyon nito noon, mas sikat na ang archery zone ngayon dahil na-po-promote rin ng mga kilalang personalidad.

He glanced at me then returned to look at one of the staffs. Nagtanguan sila bago umalis ang kausap niya.

"Yuan?" I asked, again.

"Turuan mo 'ko mag-archery."

Nangunot ang noo ko. "Don't you already know how? Nag-a-archery tayo rito noon, 'di ba?"

There was a glint in his eyes accompanied with a small smile on his lips.

Umismid siya at nag-iwas ng tingin. "Interview me, Tana. Content. You can ask whoever's in-charge of this. Exclusive interview with Yuan..." There was disgust at the end of his sentence.

Ayaw siguro niya magpa-interview, pero bakit siya nagpunta rito?

"Okay, wait lang." Binuksan ko ang Notes app sa cellphone at nagtipa ng mabilisang script. "Sino ang nag—"

He put his hand over my cellphone's screen.

Napatingala ako sa kan'ya.

"Just kidding," he said with a shrug. "I'm filming for a vlog. A day with Yuan."

Inikot ko ang tingin sa kabuoan niya. "Wala kang gamit."

"My phone camera will be fine."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Gagawin mo akong cameraman?"

"Ililibre nalang kita mamaya."

"That's not it, Yuan."

He rose both of his brows. "That's it, Tana. Ililibre kita, 'wag ka nang magreklamo."

"No, hindi 'yon 'yung problema."

"Then, what?"

I sighed; a bit frustrated. "You need to run me through this. Kaninong project 'to at sinong nag-initiate na gumawa ka ng ganito?"

He rolled his eyes. "It's my project. Ako ang nag-initiate."

"Nagpaalam ka ba?"

"Oo," saad niya, direkta ang tingin sa mata ko.

"Kanino?"

"Sa 'yo."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Yuan," I warned.

"What? Nagpaalam ako kay Ma'am Greta."

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga, nauubusan ng pasensiya. "You rented this place?"

He rose his brow. "Hindi ba halata?"

I groaned. He smirked.

A staff gestured us to the archery area and gave us the bow and arrow. Makintab ang itim na sahig at may puting linya. May indicator tape rin na nagtuturo kung hanggang saan dapat ang layo mula sa target board.

Pabaliktad niyang isinuot ang sumbrero.

Naunang pumostura si Yuan at tiningnan kung tama ang asinta niya. Palihim nalang akong umismid nang makitang tama naman ang arko ng katawan.

"Give me your phone."

He glared at me. "Nag-fo-focus ako, 'wag ka magulo."

"But this is supposed to be—" Pinakawalan niya ang pana. "...a vlog."

Bwisit. Ni hindi ko man lang na-video-han.

Nagmamayabang niya akong tiningnan nang matamaan ang bull's eye. "Di ko na kailangang magpaturo sa 'yo."

I rolled my eyes. "Ano nalang gagawin mo?"

"Magpasikat," simple niyang sabi bago pakawalan ulit ang pana.

Nagpakawala ako ng hininga. It seems that he has no intention to film for a vlog. Magpapasikat nga lang yata siya.

Ibinaba ko ang equipment at sinamaan siya ng tingin. Mabuti nalang at hindi sumunod rito sa loob ang staff ni tito. Hindi rin kita ang ginagawa namin sa loob dahil may window roller blinds na naghaharang sa salamin.

Inilahad ko ang kamay. "Your phone."

"No."

"Anong 'no'? Mag-shu-shoot ako ng vlog mo, ah? Bakit ayaw mo ibigay?" bwisit kong tanong.

He stared at me; I returned it with a glare.

Naghintay pa siya ng ilang segundo bago kuhanin ang cellphone sa bulsa.

"I'm going to shoot you," saad ko habang binubuksan ang camera.

"Wala kang baril."

Napairap ulit ako. "Ang kulit-kulit mo."

"Naiinis ka na sa 'kin, Thomasina?" tanong niya, nang-aasar.

Hindi ako umimik at vinideohan nalang siya. Napangiwi nga lang dahil wala siyang hinihinging anggulo sa 'kin.

"Can you guide me what to do here, Yuan? Mamaya ipaulit mo sa 'kin ang vinideo ko kasi hindi pasok sa standards mo," I said sarcastically.

"'Wag ka na nga sabi mag-video," he said as he draws his bow.

"Vlog 'to, 'di ba? Anong iko-content mo—blog? Text? Shunga ka ba?"

He rose his brow and let out a grin. "I-video mo sa isipan mo."

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga, pinipigilan ang sarili na lamunin ng inis. Pero habang nakikita ko si Yuan na nagpapana, hindi nagpa-shu-shoot ng ginagawa niya, ay kumukulo ang dugo ko.

What am I here for? Tumunganga? Panoorin siyang magmayabang?

Kahit na maghintay ako nang ilang minuto para senyasan niya akong i-vlog siya, walang darating. He's too engrossed in archery!

"Natutuwa ka ba tuwing may pinahihirapan kang tao?"

Sinundan ko siya ng tingin habang kinukuha ang mga pana sa target board. "Depends. Mag-enjoy ka nalang, Tana."

"How can I enjoy when you're being annoying?" bwisit kong tanong. "Ano ba talaga ang dapat kong gawin dito at pinapunta mo 'ko? May gagawin pa akong project."

He chuckled and stopped in front of me. "Mag-archery. 'Wag kang magpaka-stress, lalo kang magsusungit niyan."

Tinaboy ko ang daliri niyang pinapatag ang kunot kong noo.

"I'll just sing you a song while I do my thing."

"You said you don't sing in enclosed spaces," I pointed out, reiterating what he said last time.

"You're here with me that's why I'll sing."

May kakaiba na naman akong naramdaman sa dibdib nang tagpuin ang tingin niya. But I don't want to acknowledge it, even if I had been feeling it for a while now.

I won't admit any feelings for him...

Because it's too much?

"And I'm comfortable around you, Thomasina. Sobrang kumportable." Bumalik siya sa dating pwesto. "Pwede bang palagi kang nasa tabiko?"

I didn't know what to say.

He's too... verbal.

I sucked a deep breath and put his phone in my pocket. Umakto akong hindi apektado kahit na sobra-sobra ang nararamdaman ko. Ibabaling ko nalang iyon sa pagpapana.

"Hindi ko alam kung ikaw ang tinadhana sa akin..."

He sang; I missed the bull's eye.

Sa 8 tuloy napunta.

"Kung maligaw ang daan sa ating pag-ibig..."

Nagpatuloy siya sa pagkanta habang tinititigan ko ang pana ko sa target board, kunyari ay nag-fo-focus do'n. Pero ang totoo—nabagabag ako ng boses niya.

I rose my arm again and pulled the string, the arrow between my fingertips. Hindi ko alam kung saan itutuon ang atensyon—kung sa boses ba ni Yuan o sa pwersang ibibigay ko para maka-bull's eye.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga, bahagyang kabado. Gulong-gulo rin dahil sa epekto ng boses ni Yuan.

Nilingon ko siya.

Alam kong naninibago ang sistema ko dahil ngayon ko lang ulit siya narinig na kumanta nang malapitan. Idagdag pa na kulob ang lugar kaya direkta sa tenga ko...

Patungo sa dibdib.

"Aking mahal..."

He caught me staring that's why he held mine. Wala akong ibang maramdaman kun'di kaguluhan.

"Huwag nating sayangin..."

His eyes were different from usual. They were a bit unguarded, but it wasn't enough to see through it.

May humarang na pader bago ako makarating sa pinakagitna, nagdedemanda ng susi at dahilan bago magpapasok.

Katulad ng mga harang na mayro'n sa 'kin.

"Kumusta 'yung boses ko?" nanunuyo niyang tanong, parang bata na nahingi ng regalo.

Should I just bare myself?

His eyes remained the same. It didn't plead me for a sugar-coated answer, it pleaded for the truth.

"Malamig ba?" Hope slivered through his tone.

Why are you acting as if my approval means the whole world to you? Or have I drawn too deep that I'm the only one who's thinking that way?

But I should give the truth to him—to his voice that he has a love-and-hate relationship with. 

My heart skipped a beat; I felt weird because it was always new to me. "No."

Parang naginhawaan siya sa naging sagot ko. "Talaga?"

He was asking for my approval.

Why? Gano'n ba 'ko ka-importante sa 'yo, Yuan? Kung oo, kailan pa?

"Oo."

"Hindi ka nagsisinungaling?"

Umiling ako. "Hindi."

His voice was haunting yet comforting, but it wasn't cold. Not anymore because it gained a bit of life.

He smiled a little before he looked away. Bumalik siya sa pagpapana.

Why does it mean a lot to you? I would like to ask, but among all things, I refrained myself from prying into it.

It's invasive, but there was a part of me that wanted to know about him. To know what happened that it resulted to this.

"Pangit ba kapag malamig ang boses?" tanong niya.

I looked down and went back to position.

This affection and attachment...

"The public said that they like cold voices," sagot ko bago magpakawala ng pana.

"What about you?" I could feel his stare on me.

I stopped from drawing the bow.

Surely, he won't notice if I stated a general answer, right? 

"Most female say that they prefer cold and baritone voices. Ang sarap daw sa pandinig."

"Pero ikaw?" he insisted, then I knew.

Hindi ko na ba talaga mababawi ang pagkakikilala ni Yuan sa 'kin? Dapat ko na bang tanggapin katulad ng pagpaiintindi niya ng sarili niya sa 'kin?

"They're useful for formal reporting, but for newscast? No. Mas okay 'yung may buhay."

"Pero ikaw nga, Tana, okay lang ba sa 'yo 'yung malamig na boses?"

Palihim akong napalunok bago tawanan ang sarili.

Yuan, what did you do to me in a span of few weeks? When have I grown past my limitations against you? Was it just today? Just recent? Or had been it there, and I had just been refraining myself from feeling it?

There's really no use in fighting him. Tinitibag na niya ang pader at wala na akong kawala mula ro'n. Nalaman na niya ang daanan at unti-unti na ring kinakabisado ang ritmo ng pagbuo at pagbaklas.

The least thing that I should do is act oblivious, because the more he knows, the faster he'll break the walls.

"Yes."

He smiled.

A click.

He got in.

"Si..." There was a long pause. "Mama... iba ang nasa isip."

Was it my turn to break his walls? Hindi ko naman pinaplano na gano'n dahil nga ayaw ko manghimasok, pero bakit hinihila niya ako papasok?

He looks too vulnerable that I wanted to... hug him.

"Hindi niya ako pinasasali sa mga singing contests noon. Pangit daw boses ko. Malamig. Masakit sa pandinig. Sumali rin ako sa singing contest noong College... sinugod niya ako at sinabing ang pangit-pangit ng boses ko..."

I know that contest. Nando'n ako. Iyon pa nga ang unang beses na narinig ko ulit ang boses niya.

It's not ugly, I would like to say, it's just unnerving, Yuan.

Sa sobrang bigat sa dibdib, nakasisira ng emosyon na para bang ang problema niya ay problema ko rin.

"Your voice is not ugly."

"E ano?"

I met his stare. "It's hauntingly emotional."

Nagtagal ang tingin niya sa 'kin bago ako taasan ng kilay. Hindi niya yata aprubado ang sinasabi ko.

"Tana..." He chuckled. "Ewan ko sa 'yo."

"Totoo naman 'yung sinabi ko."

Yuan and I spent half an hour by doing archery. Nauna akong tumigil dahil nangalay ang braso ko dahil matagal nang hindi nakapag-a-archery. Kanina nga ay napuna niya dahil hindi raw maayos ang naunang postura ko.

When I left him to buy from the vending machine at the lobby, I overheard from the staffs that Yuan was a regular ever since he was a college student. Noong sumikat na, madalas daw niyang nirerentahan ang isa sa mga enclosed archery area. Minsan ay kasama niya ang ilan sa mga kabanda niya.

Ngayon lang daw niya ulit nirentahan ang buong lugar.

I wasn't close with the employee of my uncle's business, but we were familiar with each other. Ipinakilala na niya kami noon nang gamitin ng buong pamilya ang lugar na 'to. Sa ngayon naman, ang anak ni tito na siyang pinsan ko, ang namamahala sa lugar na 'to.

When I got back to the area, he was still doing some rounds with his compound bow. Nang makita niya ang ibinibigay ko, napataas ang kilay niya.

"Limited edition pa rin?" komento niya bago ilagay ang bow sa stand.

I shrugged and gave him the pink variation of Rite N Lite.

"Bata pa tayo nang makabili ako nito," he said as he sat on the chair.

Binuksan ko ang tubig at umupo bahagyang malayo sa kan'ya. "Limited edition for a long time." I laughed at the end.

"Walang matcha kaya tubig binili mo, 'no?" Sinulyapan niya 'ko. Inirapan ko siya.

We went silent, and it was deafening. Kahit na may mahinang ugong mula sa ceiling aircon, hindi pa rin naka-aalis ng katahimikan sa paligid.

"Sabi ng staff, madalas ka raw dito... especially during college."

"Oo," he nonchalantly answered before he leaned on the wall.

"You didn't list this as one of your hobbies," I said, referring to his previous interviews that I was a part of.

"I want to keep it private."

"Pero gusto mong mag-vlog."

"Wala akong sinabing ipa-publish ko."

I sighed. "Hindi rin naman ako nakapag-video."

"Hindi ka kasi nag-video."

"Ayaw mo magpa-video!" reklamo ko, bahagyang tumaas ang boses.

Natawa siya at napailing. Nanibago ako dahil hindi naman siya madalas ngumiti, ngumisi, o tumawa. Palagi siyang nakabusangot o masama ang tingin.

"What am I here for, Yuan? Pwede na ba akong umuwi? Mag-re-research pa ako para sa documentary project ko."

"What you're here for?" he asked, I nodded. "Samahan ako."

I groaned. "Did you purposely rent my uncle's business just for this?"

"For what?"

Napasinghap ako nang marinig ang sinabi ko. Did I just say...

"Ito... for whatever this is."

He took a step forward. "Anong 'ito', Tana? Sabihin mo."

Something changed as if his cold façade turned into intense and heavy—like he wanted to dominate me and lull me to say the things I had in mind.

At nadala ako.

Hindi ko gusto ang Yuan na 'to.

I looked away when I found it hard to breathe. Ilang segundo na akong nag-iwas ng tingin pero nakatitig pa rin siya sa 'kin. Paano ko ba siya patitigilin do'n?

"Yuan, stop staring at me."

He snickered. "You know how to voice it out. Ba't hindi mo nalang sabihin sa 'kin?" His tone turned menacing.

What was wrong with him? Why was he advancing like this?

"I have never been verbal and open, but I'm doing it right now with you because I want you in my life, Thomasina. I'm taking steps, can't you take it with me? Alam kong naninibago ka rin pero..."

I met his stare and opened my mouth to speak, but I failed myself.

He sucked a deep breath. "You don't have to speak carefully around me."

"I am not," giit ko.

He licked his lower lips. "Then, why are you always on guard? Hindi ako manghihimasok kung hindi mo ako papapasukin. Hindi ako gano'ng klaseng tao, kaya bakit tensed na tensed ka pagdating sa 'kin? Hindi ka naman gan'yan kina Cloud, Zake, Seb..."

I found it hard to breathe when I felt his pull on me.

"So, tell me. Ano ang meron sa 'kin at gusto mong magtago?"

I knew I had to hold his stare to let him know that I wasn't backing out, but what was this really for? To assure myself that my reins were still intact? Or was it a move to deceive myself?

It had been a while since I let myself believe in lies, and whenever I did, the end was always detrimental. I had always been searching for ways to lessen its effect but up until now, what point should I allow myself to feel?

Mariin niyang ipinikit ang mata at hinilot ang ulo.

He's frustrated, but I can't do this right now. I'm not yet ready.

"How's the research going? May leads ka na?" pag-iiba niya ng usapan.

I looked at him, weirded out on how he acted and on how he looked.

He gave me a small smile. "May ibang araw pa naman para mag-usap tayo ng sa 'tin..."

Bahagyang umaliwalas ang mukha niya. Nawala ang pagkakukunot ng noo. Parang walang problemang pinapasan habang nakipag-u-usap sa 'kin.

"Meron."

"What is it?"

"It's a secret."

"Just give me a hint." There was something in his eyes.

Was it hope again? Is this his silent plead to ask me to help him? May ipinararating siya sa 'kin, at hindi 'yon maalis-alis sa isipan ko.

"It's intimidating."

Napataas ang kilay niya. "Intimidating?"

"Iyong nakausap ko."

He looked at me as if he was searching for answers. "Alam mo na kung sino ang hahanapin mo?"

"Oo."

"Babae? Bata?"

My suspicions are slowly coming true.

Baka nga tama si Kuya Thunder.

"Babaeng bata..."

Unti-unting lumakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Parang kabado. Parang may hinahabol. Parang may inaalam mula sa mga reaksyong ipinakikita niya.

"Ah..."

I saw how he reached for his bracelet's charm.

Red arrow...

North.