"Oh Tyler, you're so funny!"

I giggled, probably a little too forcefully as I threw my hair over my shoulder and plastered a too-wide smile on my face. When my eyes met with the reflection, paused mid-laugh and looking absolutely ridiculous, my face immediately dropped.

"I'm sure if I work on it for the next fifty years, it'll come to me. Eventually." I sighed, running my fingers through my hair as I had been obsessively for the past hour. "Probably." 

Anticipation for Friday was the only thing that pushed my heart to trudge through the rest of the week, through lonely lunches tucked in the corner of the cafeteria and frost-bitten shoulders that seemed to meet me every time I rounded a corner in the hallways. The horizon held the promise of a date with Tyler, the one thing I felt like I'd been dreaming of since middle school, the long-awaited conclusion to our love story.

I just had to make it until Friday. And now, it was Friday. And it was finally the beginning of the rest of my life.

When I heard a vibration sound behind me, my eyes immediately shot open, heart leaping in my throat as I dove for my cellphone. A-la typical Stella, the jerky movement caused my foot to catch on one of the many sweaters that lay scattered on my floor, and gravity eagerly created a face-to-floor connection. A frustrated groan crawling up my throat, I blindly patted my bed, searching for my phone, and feeling a smile form despite the pain when my fingertips touched the glass surface.

I couldn't stop the wishful thinking from polluting my thoughts. Eva, or Savannah? An even smaller voice asked for a different name, one that was a little too close for comfort, but I swallowed that down forcefully. 

Disappointment pursed my lips as I read the name on my phone, seeing Chris light up on the screen. As I rolled over on my back, a groan falling from my lips, I forced myself to shake it off, painfully ignoring the twist in my stomach.

"We're on the same goddamn floor, you moron!"

"Suck it, Grandma! We're leaving in five!" Chris called back through the walls, causing me to roll my eyes.

As his words echoed through the room, a memory from the beginning of the school year involuntarily flashed before my eyes. Reese, blasting his music, grinning up at me with those infuriating dimples while I flipped him off from my window in the early hours of the morning. Despite only being months before, it felt like an eternity, and the thought brought a bitter taste to my mouth.

This was what I was always preparing for, anyway. There was always an expiration date to our weird relationship. This was just the inevitable end.

I shouldn't have even been thinking about Reese while Savannah and Eva weren't speaking to me. It felt as if it'd be betraying them even more, and yet, I couldn't take that one step forward to apologize to them face-to-face either.

The thought of either of them cutting me off in plain words, explicitly ending the friendship with cold, uncaring eyes, it hurt too much to even think about pushing up from the limbo I was lingering in.

And so- distraction. Swallowing the newly formed lump in my throat, I sat up, grabbed the familiar burgundy lipstick that was set on my nightstand, and drew a deep breath.

I was going on a date with Tyler. That was all that mattered. Everything else was just background noise.

Chris barely acknowledged my existence as I slipped into the passenger seat, only sparing a passing glance before he was revving out of the driveway and down the street. Just as we were passing by, Reese stepped out of the doorway, and for a moment the two of us locked eyes. My breath hitched in my throat, my heart stuttered, and my muscles seized up. But then the car was driving off, his eyes were replaced with blurred trees, and he vanished from my sight.

"So what is this, a date? You're going on a date?" Chris asked, his gaze surreptitiously sliding over to me.

I turned my gaze from the window to my brother, arching a brow. "What? You're playing the part of big, scary older brother or something?"

Chris snorted. "I was gonna warn the unlucky bastard is all."

My lips pursed as I slapped him in the arm, brows pinched. "Choke on sand, dipshit."

"I am the driver!" he gasped, indignant. "You can't hit the driver!"

With a deadpan face, I smacked him in the arm again. "Try me."

Chris' jaw melodramatically dropped, all shock and horror written across his face. "And to think I- the wonderful, caring, generous older brother took time out of his day, his super, super busy Friday night to drive you to a boy's house, and you try to kill us. Wow, Stella. Wow."

When I looked over to see that he was keeping his poker face strong, still the picture of utmost astonishment, I burst into laughter. "Thanks, that bit about you actually having plans on Friday night- phew, I needed that. I feel so much better about all of this."

Chris threw a dirty look in my direction, but I just flashed back a cheeky grin.

A spark of excitement charged up my spine as we finally rolled up to Tyler's familiar house, where I'd been only a couple of weeks ago. Drunken, hazy memories belonging to the trees only a few heartbeats away threatened to break the surface, but I choked them down, determined to focus on what was in front of me.

I was going on a date with Tyler. Tyler, the boy I had been longingly crushing on in the most unrequited fashion for what felt like an eternity. And despite the fact that something felt a little wrong on the inside, that didn't matter. What mattered was that this was what I'd wanted for so long, and now it was finally manifesting into existence. And that was the only thing that was important.

"Okay, I'll be back around ten to come get you, if you're not outside I'm driving away. I'm not waiting. I'm not even going to tell you I'm coming. If you're not outside at ten, you're finding your own way home."

I pulled a face. "Wow, you're so sweet."

"Yes. Now get out of my car," Chris demanded, shooing me away with a wave of his hand, expectant eyebrows raised.

I rolled my eyes. "Mom's car," I corrected.

"9:45! Keep talking!"

I snorted and slammed the car door shut after me, goosebumps crawling over my skin as the cool, November breeze caressed my cheeks. Chris wasted no time in speeding away, the car disappearing off into the distance within moments and leaving me in front of Tyler's house, only a leather jacket and plaid scarf to retain warmth.

Suppressing a shiver, I jogged up the driveway, feeling the nerves ignite underneath my skin. The sky was painted over with a muted grey, clouds hanging low and threatening with rain, and just as I ducked underneath his porch, a stray raindrop broke against my shoulder.

This was it. Squaring my shoulders, my index finger dipped into the doorbell and a familiar chime echoed through the air. I waited with bated breath, unconsciously chewing my bottom lip as footsteps sounded on the other side of the door.

"Stella!" Tyler smiled as he swung the door open, those oceanic eyes lighting up. "You made it! You didn't have any trouble, did you?"

I shook my head, a grin finding my face unintentionally. "Nope, thanks for this again, I really needed it." And that wasn't a lie.

"No worries," he brushed me off, eyes falling over my shoulder. "Is it raining? Oh man, come in, come in," he ushered me through the doorway, and I nodded, stepping inside to the warmth of his house.

There was a faint smell of lavender to invite me in, just enough to tickle my senses as I kicked off my shoes, and my eyes curiously surveyed the room. Without the lingering teens occupying every nook and cranny, it looked different. My eyes ran over the picture frames pinned up against the wall, frozen memories of Tyler's childhood.

"Oh god, don't look, my mom dressed me for way longer than appropriate," Tyler groaned, purposefully throwing his hand in front of a picture that featured him in a very, very neon green shirt, and I chuckled.

"I think highlighter green really works for you. Brings out your eyes."

Tyler pulled a face. "It looks like someone puked up radioactive Gatorade all over my shirt."

A laughed bubbled up as I followed him further into the house, excitement coursing through my veins. Talking with someone that I didn't share blood with was surprisingly refreshing, since even Chris was beginning to get annoyed with me constantly clinging to him for human interaction. Unlike before, I no longer felt myself constantly stumbling over my words, no longer a river of stutters pouring from my mouth. It was weird, noticing the change, and the way that a distinct comfort swathed my heart as my fingertips brushed the doorframe.

I stepped into the kitchen, all dark wood and stainless steel, emanating with warmth and enveloped in a delicious, cheesy aroma. Kitchens were always my favourite- they were the heart of the house, and always had that particular home-like feeling no matter where it was. 

"I made a pizza- it's from scratch, so it should be good. We've also got pop, just regular Pepsi and I think maybe ginger ale somewhere? And I made some garlic bread with cheese. That okay? I don't know if you ate- sorry, I didn't ask, but I thought I'd make something just in case," Tyler mused as he ducked his head and peeked into the oven, allowing a burst of pizza-goodness to strike my senses.

"No, that sounds horrible, I hate everything amazing in life," I drawled, a smile finding my face when Tyler met my eye. "Actually though, thanks, that sounds super awesome."

I trailed after him into the living room and followed suit in dropping onto the light grey sectional, enormous and amazing in every way. My shoulders felt lighter, and the constant pull of nerves was no longer tugging on my heartstrings. But my heart was uncharacteristically still.

"Thanks for hanging out with me, I know I kind of just like, bombarded you with this kind of last minute," I said, scratching the back of my head with a sheepish grin.

"No, no, no way! I was actually stoked!" he reassured me, shaking his hands.

My head tilted to the side. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! No, definitely, I was gonna ask a while ago, and I feel bad that I made you ask first. I feel like it's kind of, overdue? You helped me with studying and everything, the least I can do is reward you with pizza."

A warmth spilled over my lungs as his gaze borrowed mine, and I felt a twinge of delight in my heart. It felt like a parallel universe hearing Tyler's words, and the smile on my face broadened. "I will always accept pizza."

"Good," he nodded, smiling. "I was kind of worried, you seem really distant from everyone lately."

I paused for a moment, allowing his words to sink in. "Um, yeah," I admitted, fidgeting in my seat slightly, eyes falling to the T.V. where a show was idly playing. "I got in a little bit of a... a tiff, with my friends. Nothing too serious though, don't worry!"

Despite the plastic grin I plastered on my face, Tyler didn't seem entirely convinced, concern reflecting in the depths of blue that made up his eyes. "What about Reese? You guys are usually constantly down each other's throats, what's up with that?"

I blinked, feeling that familiar twist in my stomach at that name. "What, uh, what do you mean? We were never that close anyway," I insisted, waving him off, purposefully keeping a steady voice. "Seriously, I could barely stand him."

Flashes of those amber eyes sparked in the back of my mind, and it seemed the more I tried to push it down my throat, the larger and louder they appeared. The room felt as if it was drowning in his memory, his presence still lingering in the air, a constant reminder. A lump formed in my throat, thick with reminiscence, feeling as if there wasn't enough oxygen in my lungs/

Thinking about Reese meant thinking of his face, the pain, his cold shoulder, the way he turned his head every time that we met eyes. The way that something inside of me cracked, something that I had been desperately trying to avoid.

This was my date with Tyler. This was everything I wanted. I shouldn't be thinking about Reese. I should be thinking about Tyler. Our future life. Our future corgi.

A beat of quiet passed between us, my forced nonchalance straining thin in the silence. I could feel a warmth begin to crawl up my neck, threatening, propelled by every second that passed unanswered.

"Really? I always thought you guys were pretty close," Tyler hummed thoughtfully, scratching his cheek. "I mean, you guys always kind of ended up next each other."

I swallowed. "Bad luck?" I suggested, a wry grin on my face. "A series of unfortunate events?"

"Okay," he accepted, gratefully letting the subject drop, shrugging. "If that's what you say. I think the pizza's ready- give me a second, I'll put it all out here. Hope you like meat lover's."

I grinned, desperately ignoring the way my pulse was beginning to trip. "Love it," I said, unable to deny the strain in my voice.

As Tyler disappeared into the other room, I was left with a hurricane of interrupted thoughts, all too loud and too close for me to even begin to listen. It felt as if I was being bombarded with a tsunami of memories, of emotions coursing through me, of too many questions and not enough answers and it was all just too much.

When Tyler returned with plates of food, the aroma that reached to greet me did barely anything to awake my senses. My stomach was in a knot, twisting and turning relentlessly, and my cheeks felt warmer than usual.

Tyler paled. "Oh no, I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean anything by those questions. I just thought- if you wanted to talk, oh god I'm so sorry."

I looked up, reading the apprehension on his face and grinned. "Oh no! Don't worry! I'm fine. Just some... gas. It passed though. Not farting. Didn't fart, the feeling just disappeared." Silence. "Let's eat some pizza!"

"Sounds good to me," Tyler said, smiling, eyes momentarily falling closed.

It was so sweet, so genuine, and yet I couldn't quiet the nagging in the back of my head. Why was my heart being so still? Where had the blush gone that used to ravage my cheeks? Since when did I feel so comfortable?

As I dealt with my problems as I usually did, stuffing my face with pizza as a means of distraction, Tyler idly flipped through the channels on the T.V. It was a very casual date, but it was a date nonetheless, and we'd already done the fancy dinner escapade. It felt nice, laid-back and comfortable, a distinct relxed quality to all of my limbs. It felt easy to soak into the couch cushions.

"Fast and Furious!" I blurted out as a familiar face crossed over the screen.

Tyler paused, looking over with amusement. "Really? You like those movies?"

"They've really grown on me lately. And they've totally gotten better with each one," I said, maybe a little defensively. "Seriously!"

Tyler nodded, shrugging. "All right, we can watch it if that's what you say. I'm trusting you."

We fell into a comfortable silence, the voices from the television filling in the space around us as we munched on our food, which Tyler was right, was delicious. But it was getting harder and harder to focus on the movie, the one Reese and I had watched together when I was hungover, the dam of memories I'd built so high beginning to crack.

Tyler's words echoed throughout the recesses of my mind and I couldn't stop it. And it was back again to that kiss, and the way his breath mingled with mine, the way his fingertips brushed against my skin, and then it was watching Fast and Furious movies and eating popcorn and sharing a little too personal information and patching up each others wounds and always looking over to find him there, those proverbial Powers dimples, amber eyes staring back at me.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair how he'd slipped in through the cracks of my life and detonated everything I knew to be true. It wasn't fair that everytime he ignored me, my heart cracked a little more. It wasn't fair that I was drowning in his memory, of his stupid little side comments and his careless little laughs and the way he was always grinning over at me. As if there was always some private joke between us, even though I didn't even know what it was. It wasn't fair that I felt that there was something missing next to me, that someone should be there, that he should be there.

It was all my fault, but it wasn't fair.

When had I grown so comfortable with his presence? When did I start to expect it?

And when he'd turned away, it felt like a sucker punch to the stomach. My venomous words ringing in my ears. Heartbeat thudding to loud, defeaning, overcoming all of my senses.

This was my date with Tyler, I reminded myself, over and over again. My date with Tyler. That was all that mattered. Who needed Reese? I didn't. I had Tyler. That was all I ever wanted.

I turned to the boy, all dark hair and freckles, who met my gaze with a sweet, soft smile. This was what I wanted. This was who I wanted to kiss.

"Tyler, I've practically been in love with you since the seventh grade."

As the words left my mouth, not a second later my palms had found his cheeks and I was diving in towards his lips. It was hard, a little too hard, a touch of desperation as I pressed my mouth against his. There was a moment where I paused, waiting for the fireworks, sparks, something to ignite within me, but everything was still. I pulled away slightly, going in a little softer, but everything was just too still. Calm, pond-waters, not even a breeze to disrupt a ripple.

When I pulled back, I felt my brows furrow, frustration burning up inside as I dropped my hands. "Why? Why isn't it working? I- this is what I wanted. It's what I've always wanted. I've been crushing on your since forever. Why isn't it the way that I thought it was supposed to be? Why isn't it like with Ree-"

The name died on my tongue as soon as I realized my lips were forming around it, and I froze, a frost-like charge down my spine. The realization dawned on me too quick and too hard, everything I'd been desperately trying to escape from, all coming down in the bittersweet slap of reality to the face.

Tyler blinked, still unmoving, eyes wide with shock. "It could be because I'm gay?"

***

~plot twist.

not really a lot of you guys actually called it before, but it's funny no one mentioned it in the theories last chapter (which were everything, by the way, i hope this chapter lived up to your expectations (my deepest fears right now), it was longer than expected? c:)

i'm super excited for the next chapter, should be coming out sooner than later because it's a fav of mine and only THREE CHAPTERS LEFT + EPILOGUE. AHHH. THE ENDING IS NEAR.

(also, upset i didn't use that gif in the taco bell chapter)