« the battle »

______________

IT'S ME FRANK
OH MERLIN, FRANK
I'M SCARED
WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO SAY FRANK?
OH FRANK,
THIS IS AWFUL.
BUT THAT'S HOW
IT'S SUPPOSED TO
BE, OF COURSE
______________

Alice stumbles inside her house with Frank clinging onto her, and her legs finally topple under his weight and under the weight of the war that only presses itself on her shoulders more and more with each passing day, forcing her to sink into the ground with no way out. Frank is bleeding beside her, and she knows he is in pain, but the apparition has knocked the breath out of her, for it has been so sudden, and she lies on the ground, gulping in large breaths of hair.

Augusta lets out a cry of panic upon seeing her son and daughter-in-law in such a condition, but brings herself together immediately and lays Frank gently down on the floor, before whipping her wand out from her robes. Alice closes her eyes and allows herself to recover from the ordeal she has just gone through – thankfully, she hasn't received any wounds – and only then realises the sharp stinging sensation on her left arm.

When she looks down at her arm, she notices that a large slice of her skin has been ripped apart from her elbow region – exposing her flesh, from which rivulets of blood are gushing out. She doesn't remember being cursed, and decides that she has probably splinched herself. With shaky hands, she pulls out her wand and mutters a few spells to stop the bleeding.

When she has somehow recovered from her shock, she turns her attention to her husband.

Frank is lying unconscious on the floor. A large gash, marking the usage of possibly Dark Magic, occupies half of his stomach. Alice nearly retches at the sight, but holds herself back and asks Augusta how he is doing. Her voice comes out shaky and tear soaked.

"Do we need to take him to St Mungo's?" she asks.

"No," Augusta answers confidently. "I can close this wound, and after that, I will apply a potion which should stop the pain. He will be fine."

She continues to work on the wound, while Alice sits there and watches the colour returning to Frank's face. Her fingers are clutched together, nearly twisted into impossible angles, and she revels in the pain that she feels on her elbow, knowing that what Frank is feeling must be a hundred times worse. She counts his breaths, which are too fast to be normal, and his chest heaves up and down painfully. But what his mother is doing must be working, for his breathing rate slowly decreases, and she can no longer count them by merely watching his chest.

Alice feels like a coward, and the word twists her insides painfully, for she has never associated herself with that word. She does feel fear, she is afraid of a lot of things – she fears that she isn't enough for the world, that she is being selfish bringing a child into this hate infested land, that she isn't doing her bit for her people. She is scared to pieces of the death eaters, of the war. Of Death. And yet she has continued to fight, still does, and in her mind, this is what assures her that she is brave enough. That she is a true Gryffindor.

But now, she feels far from brave. She has fled the battle as soon as the tables have turned, as soon as the Order members were overwhelmed by a surprise attack in what should have been a silent infiltration into what they knew to be enemy grounds. When she saw Frank collapsing to the ground after being hit by a curse, she had taken him and apparated home immediately, not staying to fight, not waiting to check on anyone else. She has fled.

She is a coward.

But she couldn't help it. She knows that she is no longer a single person who can take reckless decisions whenever she wants. Her life is now tied to another one, a small one, slowly growing inside her body, and she has to think of it first before doing anything rash. She wasn't being selfish. She was thinking of her child.

Regardless, the thoughts continue to plague her mind for the rest of the day, and she finds comfort sitting beside Frank's sleeping form and waiting for him to wake up.

He stirs finally, causing Alice to jerk out of the drowsy slumber she has fallen into. She climbs out of her chair and crawls to the bed beside him, her back stiff and hurting from the awkward position she has been sitting on. Her eyes feel up with tears when Frank offers her a smile – crooked and lopsided with pain – and she timidly hugs him, careful not to touch his stomach.

None of them speaks for a long time, and Alice stays in that position, her head on his chest. Silent tears flow down her cheeks, but she makes no effort to wipe them away.

"Frank," she whispers after a long while. "I'm scared."

One of his hands comes to rest over her back and she feels his fingers drawing circles on her shoulder. "It's okay," he responds, his voice slightly husky. "I know you are. It's okay to be scared."

More tears pool out of her eyes and an involuntary sob escapes her mouth. Alice hides her face on the crook of his neck and begins to cry. Frank shifts beneath her, suddenly alert.

"Alice?" he inquires urgently. "What's wrong? Did someone –"

He pauses, letting the question hang in the air. When she doesn't answer, he gently pushes her away so that he can look at her face.

"Alice?"

She swallows the lump that has formed in her throat, and through a choking sob, speaks. "It's Oisín. He was – he was taken by the death eaters. We don't know if he was killed. He was wounded, and they captured him before we could bring him back."

Oisín was one of Frank's fellow Hufflepuffs and best friend, who used to frequently hang out with both Alice and him. Small and quirky, he was the joy and laughter among the trio, and often complained about having to act the third wheel during the times when Frank would decide to randomly flirt with her. Oisín had left to Ireland right after graduation, but returned only last year to join the Order.

Alice hadn't known about Oisín's disappearance when she has fled the battle scene. It was only after the chaos have somewhat calmed that she received a Patronus from Alastor Moody that filled her in on the details. She didn't cry – she was still with shock. Her mind racing, she had stayed beside Frank all day, sometimes reaching over to hold his hands.

But now she cannot stop herself and allows the tears to flow, while Frank rubs her back gently, soothingly. After a while, she hears him sobbing. Perhaps that's the least they can do. The war takes everything, leaving no opportunity to gain it back, and the only thing they can do is weep, weep until their tears stop coming, until their eyes are as dry as sand, as red as blood. Every drop of will to live is sucked out of her body, but Alice holds on to the tiniest bit of hope that she has – the child growing inside her.

That's the only thing that keeps her from falling apart.

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since I've kept you waiting so long, here's four chapters altogether :)