In a world where it's a permanent rule to meet and part, in a world where your glory must be burnt in the flames of reproach and hatred, in a world where give and take is a relationship, in a world where majority is normal and minority is unacceptable, in a world where love is prevalent only until it's seen through the society's eyes, your love comes to find me at an unexpected time,on an unexpected journey that turned not just mine but your world too, upside down. And all blood , flesh, tears and warmth coursed through my veins. But only your love at the end of the day remained standing like the only truth in my heart.

When we were laughing,mingling in the crowd,in the summer days,I clearly remembered your words. I assured you then to keep them close to my heart and to repeat them with each passing moment of my life, either falling or getting up. I assure you now as well, that I, Xiao Zhan, am still repeating your every word in my heart. Because no matter what this world say, no matter how much scorn and terrible lies we have to face, I assure you, I will keep your words not in my mind but in my heart. For the mind has every right to forget emotions, to let the cells die and let memories fade. But heart, it seals all love and hatred as well somewhere far. So only you and I can see them well.

I assure you, I am repeating your words in my every breath. Every time I fall and every time I rise. I repeat them in my heart.

Zhan Ge, Bodi aí ní.

Your softest whisper under the moonlit night of my most memorable summer. Your bright shining eyes, holding no silly pranks nor sarcasm, but something so unequivocally beautiful,that it had taken my breath away. The same way it does for all those series speaking of love. I assure you I remember each of your words. I assure you now....

That I knew you weren't joking back then. I knew from that heat invading both our hearts, from your pinkish cheeks, your nervous eyes, with confident leaving your body,but determination replacing your whole, with warmth and so much love in your eyes,I knew you weren't joking. I am sorry that I laughed.

But couldn't you tell it was because I was nervous as well? Couldn't you tell like all those time I looked at you , averted my eyes and laughed a little breathlessly like air was sufficiently gone for me? Couldn't you tell that I was nervous too?

Oh, dear heart,no, not because I was scared of you stepping down a stone, crossing a line but because I knew my own cowardice. I was afraid if what I was expecting was too much to ask for. I was afraid that I was in a dream. I was so so so afraid Bodi, that you may have been wrong in your feelings for me. I was afraid of you backing down even before all of it begin. I was afraid my story will end even before it started. I was so afraid to tell you my heart's deepest whisper. Because both you and I know it well in our hearts how cruel the world was, how cruel it still is. But even then,you hadn't stopped.

Ah, how to tell you, I am grateful you hadn't stopped. And I assure you my heart keep beating for you even before you looked at me. But I must say, my Bodi was truly a genius and a nincompoop at the same time. I seriously don't know how you keep doing that but you do like all other times. Truly, though that one time you overdid it. I must say I am still impressed. For how could I not be impressed, enchanted, enthralled by that stupidly handsome face, on the verge of crying while saying it's okay if his heart was broken? How could I not love you with all my might when you my silly Bodi was ready to give up all for the sake of me?

........

Don't think that I am joking Gege. There's no chance I shall be declaring my love to you as a joke. You know far too well, that I never have and never will joke on my feelings like that. And I know very well that you know every time I have said I love you, there was still truth in it. As much as truth there's in it, this time as well.

You have known it already haven't you Zhan Ge, that I have truly loved you. That I truly do love you.

It doesn't matter if you love me back the same way I do love you. It doesn't matter. What matters to me most is that I am standing here , confessing my love to you. And you...Zhan Ge you aren't running away from me, this time. You are staying and letting my heart talk to you. I can't and will not ever force you to return my feelings. All I want is for you to know my heart. Thats all. For love doesn't need acceptance to be there. I have loved you long since before. And I will love you still. For me, there shall remain only one person to call my love.

But Ge, I will do request you to not avert my eyes, to not stop looking at me,to not stop talking to me just because I confess to you. Rather I want you to be my friend as you have been. I would rather like you to see us grow together than to throw it all away just because you don't reciprocate my feelings.

Zhan Ge, thanks you.

Zhan Ge Bodi aí ní.

Your eyes that have brimmed with tears, threatening to fall any second, your voice quivering at the end,your hands shaking, as your breaths hitched, all called to me. So how was I then supposed to not let it all go for one time, and tell you with all I have that I love you too.

"I love you too...."

When I had whispered back my love to you, I swear in the names of all gods and goddesses of the world, there is to this day nothing more beautiful than you.

Your face that had instantly glowed, shining under the summer moon, your joyous tears that had abandoned all control, your childish smile that still remind me of hour longs of silly talks, your gentle nod, your eyes asking for permission as hands extended out reaching to me. And I stood there transfixed. But you never stopped as with baby steps and sprightly cheers your arms all but had engulfed me in you, as if promising to never let go. And I still hold on to that promise, Bodi. Your muffled thanks you, your warms tears, your warmth mingling with mine and your heartbeat, syncing with mine told me, I was truly loved. I am truly loved. The moon that night once again had witnessed lovers crying their hearts out, for each other in the summer night.

With my heart beating fast, I had stood to wonder what was it again that begin it all, I had wondered what was it again that let my love be so fulfilled like no other.

*****

But as they say, there's no gain without pain, and there's no love without separation. With love comes opportunities to grow, and burdens to part. With love comes strength, and scrutiny of society to overcome. With love comes satisfaction and fear of letting it all go.

And we , my dear Bodi, are no exception. Now and even then it was all upon us to tell the world, how strong we can be. How strong our love,our bond truly is. It was now and then upon us to declare what we are for each other.

It will be a lie if I say it doesn't mean anything to me if the world says we are black and white, if they curse and defile us, if they blame and render our love worthless. Because its neither their place nor their true nature to say so. For they have neither seen us ,nor have been a part of our journey.

Even though all that matter to me is you. But the heaviness of this heart, the burdens my mind carried had made me weak. I wish I was as strong as you. As gallant and fierce, as quiet and lovely, as composed and kept, as well kept and aware of one's own emotions. I wish I had the strength to shut them all up. I wish I wasn't afraid to shut them all up.

I wish still now to tell you in the loudest of voice I could summon that I wasn't afraid to tell them Zhan Ge aí Bodi.

But I have to face the fact that my heart had turned cold at the mere thought of bringing hardships in your life. And that too caused by my love for you.

I was afraid to tell them all the truth. To shut them up. Because I was afraid , one wrong step of mine, one tripping of my foot, and the kingdom you have built on your hardships will all collapse within the blink of an eye.

Thus I have all but let it go. All I did then was nod and say what others asked me to do. All I did was keep my tears to myself. Keep my fears in my heart and never let them see past that. All I did then was to let the fire pass, the smoke fade, and let it all cool down without trying to burn you down with me. I will be happy as long as I see my brightest star shining out there among the crowd that threatened to sever all bonds.

I am sorry to my own heart and to your heart too. I am sorry to have not contacted you at all, sorry to keep quiet, sorry to pull away, sorry to avert your eyes, sorry to tell you to keep your distance even when I knew it was breaking our hearts. I am sorry to not have enough confidence as you. I am sorry to have not stood up against them. But now that I think back, there was nothing you or I could have done to extinguish the fire. For if any one of us would have opened our mouth to speak anything other than an apology, I am sure it would have fanned the fire.

But even then, in the darkest of hours, when tears never left my eyes,fear returned to gnaw my heart, when I used to cry myself to sleep thinking what wrongs I have done to not even be allowed to face my beloved, my heart found solace and humble love in your voice.

Like the first chant of rain after long spell of summer scorch, like the first rays of sun after long spell of angry rain,your voice reached to me from miles afar, giving me the strength I haven't known I had hidden within me.

*****

When I had lied on my bed, thinking back to times to see you gallantly telling the world of our love in the messages hidden in your words, I had stopped to wonder how childish can anyone be.

I gained strength then and there from you. And I had truly felt you calling out to me in your actions,in your smiles,in your songs,in your dance, in your gestures, and in your pictures.

When I had had to stop giving all to show , I have seen you filling my void by your love.

And for the upteenth time in my life I had stopped to wonder. Have this little kid no fear of what might the world conclude of all his acts? Have this child no fear of sabotaging his own career he had built upon so much hardship? Doesn't he know just how much risk he is taking by stepping down this path, declaring his love in such subtle ways? Does this child not know what might happen to him if the officials know of his acts?

When your voice had gently assured me of not doing anything reckless, to not participate in any way in the mud I have been pulled into, I had sighed in relief. Because then I had know my Bodi was safe enough. But no, you reckless man just have to go and define all beings of love in things you did. Be it in the numbers, be it in books,in clothes,in songs,in gestures. Again, I had to stop to wonder what was it again that made me love you so hard.

You know what,the answer wasn't that far.

*****

"I don't know what to do anymore...." I had sighed as my back hit the plush pillows on the bed. My heart beating fast but heavy gloom filled my chest. My mind had felt heavy and body way too sluggish to get up.

I had then the only moment to recall the events that had happened that day. I have always been grateful to all our supporters for loving us, for giving their support in whatever way they can. I am and will always be grateful to them for backing us up. I had even then known there remained still people who don't think before acting, don't take into consideration of others' feelings, people who acts under the tutelage of influential people only to sabotage, sever and ruin what others have created with love , hardwork and wishes. They don't take into consideration of what we are going through before they act out of envy and desire.

It had been our most unfortunate event to go through all this. It was my most unfortunate event to fall into such ill created plots. And then came a harsher blow of losing my grandfather as well.
Even then, when my eyes had seen nothing but darkness, it was you,your love, that had brightened my path. I might have given up a long while ago, if it wasn't for my family and you standing by me.

"Just how long must I go on like this? Is an apology for something I haven't done,enough for them? Just how long are they going to bully me? How long must I wait to see you in flesh and bones again?"

When darker and gloomier thoughts were running through my mind , a voice softly in my heart had whispered strength to me.

Just a bit longer Gege. We will see each other again.

With that I had felt, the darkness receding slowly. But even then it hadn't faded entirely.

"But....just how long Bodi do you think I can keep on going like this? Just how long do you think I will be able to hold it all in? I am not as strong as you are." I had cried out to the emptiness of my bedroom, clinging to myself,curling on the cold bed.

Stronger than me. You bet Gege.

A voice had whispered back in my heart, reminding me of all those times you had talked to me telling me about me.

You are stronger than me. Both in your mind and heart. Unlike me, who can't hold it in, who is desperate to tell them all about us, who is reckless in decision taken for love,who can't keep up with the world's vile ,who just says whatever comes to him, whose loud mouth can't keep it all in.

You are stronger than you think, Xiao Zhan. You are strong, beautiful,soft in your own strength, brave in your own beauty. You are my most beloved Zhan Ge.

You don't need to think of others. I know very well, you will not listen to me. And you will think of others' opinion again. But Zhan Ge, you should know in your heart , those who want to hate will hate you ko matter what you do. Even if you pull God down to earth for them , they will still hate. But those who love you, will love you no matter what. They will love you even when you fall,break and cry. They will love you still.

Your family,your friends,your co workers,your colleagues,your fans , your supporters, all love you.

And of course I don't need to say who else will call Satan to shame if given the chance to kill those haters, just because that "so called fool of yours" love you like no other can ever.

Remember Zhan Ge, no matter what they say,no matter how they say, no matter what stones, seas and swords I have to cross, I will always find my way back to you.

That had reminded me again, why I always considered you stronger and braver than me. But then I have to question myself why they keep on pushing our buttons,why they keep on chanting to know so much of us ? Are we that special? Is our popularity a curse? Is our love not meant to be?

And like always you have the answers this time too.....

They don't need to know what we are to each other Gege. They don't need to say anything. They don't understand what we are to each other. And they don't need to in my opinion. But then again, they have no rights,to pick fights with us in any way.
They don't need to pull us back every time we try to go ahead.

So if they are so hungry to get gossips, I will fill their hunger. You don't need to worry. Because those who truly support you,support us will always be there Zhan Ge. They won't stop loving us.

And for them, and for you as well, I will keep declaring my love in each of my breath. I will let the world know, there is no such rule made in this empty world, that can keep me from loving you.

Thus, you have to know Zhan Ge, you are brave and beautiful. You don't need to think of those pulling you down. Instead, think of those who love you, want you to grow.

Like all other times Gege,bad or good, this time shall pass too.

And when everything is over, you will see once again, the ones who love you remains with you....

*****

I am telling you now, within your words I found new glory, new strength. And an immeasurable chant of love. I grew stronger, braver, and stood taller for all to see that mere rumours, mere curses, mere words of hatred had never and can never destroy my spirit full of love. Because all this heart is made to do is love.

With that strength, and new found courage, I had ventured into the road to succumb and tell all I am my own person. My desires, my want, my courage, my glory, and my tales of love are my own to tell, whisper and to grow. No one other than me have rights over them. Thus, there remains no one other than me who can destroy them either. From your words,from your surreal presence, I had grown stronger Bodi. And by loving you, I had come to know again that love never demands acceptance, it never asks for show-off. All it asks of us is to love as much as we can. To give and never demands anything back.

And because you love me with all your soul, I now have realized it was never in my hands to control the fire. But there remains a thing I still can control. And that was my own decisions. My decisions of who to choose, whose voice to hear and whose to discard.

With that being deeply sat in mind, I had put my all, in my voice ,that I had wished reached you too.

I had sung it all to pay my humblest gratitude to all who had been there for me. My family, my friends, my fans,my supporters,my colleagues.

And you.

Above all, I want it to tell all that we are made to love. Hate none, love all.

*****

But hardships of our lives shan't end here. That I have known very well. With disasters already lurking in our lives,it was better to not see each other in flesh and blood. It was better, I have assured my heart, to not drag you further into my mess.

And you, like an obedient child infront of me, had silently nodded in agreement but who knew you are such a reckless being?

Oh well, I knew at the least.

I knew you were reckless,never listen to me, never heed to my warnings, and do as you please but with restrains binding you. Even then , I have feared it might blacken your shining day. Thus, I have walked a bit slower, not really trying to catch up with your faster strides.

Then again, who am I to decide for my Bodi? Even though I am your lover,your most beloved treasure as you said, you still won't let it go. Even though I know you fear them trying to cut us all alive, your care for me is Paramount. And for that I shall always be grateful to you.

And like all the times before,you stopped once you noticed your Zhan Ge wasn't by your side. You turned around hurriedly, almost scared to have lost me in the crowd. But when your eyes had found mine, I have known just how wrong I have been to ever think I can keep you safe by pushing you away.

The relief that had flooded your face, and the smile that greeted me, the heart inside my chest beating fast and tightening as well, told me just how very wrong I was to think I could ever let go of this love.

It was then that I couldn't hav stopped my legs running to you, as your smile widened and arms opened to let me bury my sorrow and cry my eyes out with you. It was then I knew for certain, even without words, that no matter how far we are, how fast our lives changed, how hard the path is, how many days we have to wait, how many scrutiny we have to cross, you will always be there waiting for me. And I promise I will be there waiting for you too.

"Silly Gege, what were you doing carrying all the burdens on your own? Didn't Mama say they are here? Didn't my maa tell you to reach her as well?" The whispered words were there, as your warm breath fanned my face.

"And...didn't I say I am here as well? I am always here Gege. You know that. But you still worry. It's okay. It's completely fine now Gege. We are here together. It doesn't matter now what others think. Or what others say of us...As long as we are together,nothing can keep us apart. "

That being said, my wishes , I had felt being completed once again. Then I had known truly,that for us love was not just a story. It is and will always be a lifelong journey.

*****

After hardships, as all have kept saying, truly there comes glory and days full of sunshine. Like rainbow after rain, like spring after snow,came another day full of hope where without restraint I was able to seek your love again.

True to your given name, like a fierce wave you kept guarding my every being with whatever power you had. True to your chanted name, like a lion you guarded and protected what you thought was your own to love.

You kept on telling me there are people who love me , treasure me and would leave me for nothing.

Because Zhan Ge, those who truly know you, know it well that you are the best. And there's no substitution of the best. You are the paramount of everything. For me.

Those words still calm my stuttering heart,BoDi.

And the fateful day of another huge occasion came. Even then, when people who had wanted to spread hate in my name had never left in peace. Rather they had been more vicious in their wants. But you, my dearest BoDi had refused to leave my side in fear of what might happen to me in your absence.

Now, tell me Bodi how am I supposed to say how grateful this being is for your love and support? This world may never understand how warm my core felt,how safe my heart felt when you guarded me,protected me, saved me from my own darkness. Embraced me with all of it. And never once have I seen in your eyes,the thought of letting go. It had then both scared and elated me to know only I remain in your eyes for forever to come. I was scared because I was till then not aware how powerful and fierce your love for me is. Elated,like a greedy child, I am to have you love me. To have you complete me.

When the sea of red overtook the whole ambiance, I had been left dumbfounded for the pleasure,the relief,the confusion and the gratitude that overtook my very being. My heart had tightened, my eyes had threatened to let all tears loose, and my voice had quivered to let all those know how very thankful I am to have my supporters.

And then there was you, who have been strictly scolded, deliberately mended to not look at me when cameras were in periphery, fed almost instantly to not even chance a look upon me. There was this side of you,oh so miserably, dying to greet me too. I know you. And I had known that look, that pouty, sulky look you gave to me,then smiling almost instantly knowing I was too looking at you. I know you. Oh , just how good I know you, little lion to tell you were just a baby, enviuos of the world's freedom to let their love known and ours not. But I know you. And I have seen it too, the way your eyes had narrowed, the way your voice had bellowed, the way your hands were clenched, the way you had rumbled fire in the face of the men just because you were afraid something might happen to me if you ever for once let your eyes off me. But even then, as I said, I know you. I know you Bodi.

I know you. Thus I am telling you, if it wasn't for you, if it wasn't for your love. I was sure I would have never been so sure to have come so far as I did today.

*****

But my story didn't end here. It was never supposed to end here. Not now.

I am now forever tied to you. And you to me. Trust me Bodi, this time you won't be able to let go of me even if you wanted to. You have become my habit,my drug, my most treasured being alongside my parents,and....my most beloved story.

Now all that I am waiting for is for the time to come, where I can and you too can let the whole world know that there remains only love in our hearts for each other.

Now all that remains is for time to come, where I can freely tell them all that I and you belong together. No more hiding,no more trying to save each others' silly slips, no more letting the world rule our every feelings,no more waiting to meet each other, no more waiting see each other, no more hardships to go through alone, no more curses or burdens to carry all alone.

There remains only a time I wait for to have us belong together forever.

And it's all because you told me first you love me. If not,then maybe we would have been just waiting for our old ragged self, blushing and fumbling to tell 'I love yous' to each other. Now,it has happened so that our old ragged selves will be there but together, looking into each others' eyes, and saying not good-bye but I love you too.

You love me Bodi, and that completes my story......

*****

A/N : I ended up not writing many things that were originally on my mind.  This chapter is not proofread. If anyone encounters any mistake, please do tell me. Thanks you for taking time to read the story. Happy Wattpad journey. Stay safe. ( ◜‿◝ )♡(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤