Do I want love ?

Or

Do I want proof that I am lovable?

"Why is that the best fruit is always forbidden?" Freddy asked winking at Maanya and she laughed at his joke. Jose smiled at them but he knew what I am going through. I haven't even talked a complete sentence. No one seems to pay attention to my condition. Hiten was busy having free drinks.

"I guess the prince here has got some serious sharing issues." I heard Maanya talk and I snapped out of my daze. Freddy laughed hi-fiving her. I smiled looking at her. If anything here is keeping me sane. It is Maanya. Clinking our glasses together, I nodded my head as both of them chatted excitedly. Hiten excused himself quoting his girlfriend needs him.  Me and Maanya were shocked to find out that he is into relationships. I mean that guy never takes his eyes off computer!

"Help me?" Freddy asked holding my shoulder and I nodded my head. We both walked to back of his office and settled on the chairs present there. My friend had knowing smile. After 10 long minutes of silence, I opened my mouth.

"I miss her. I am sorry for whatever happened." I said looking away.

"No. Dont be. She is safe and loves you." He reasoned.

"She is not with us." I concluded with tears in my eyes.

"But her love is. You need to move on from that guilt Dwi. Look at that girl! She pours her heart out for you! One cannot simple love someone so much." He commented. I nodded my head.

"She is the one, I was talking about." I spoke.

"What?????" He shouted getting up from his place.

"You mean to say, she is the ONE??! I mean why didn't you give me a hint before? We could have thanked her mate! Oh my God! Humans do have invisible strings attached to them! I mean-" he was too excited but I cut him off.

"She has no idea about my life here. She doesn't know what happened and how she is involved in it. I am yet to reveal everything to her but I don't think Maanya will take it easily. Moreover, I have no idea what her reaction will be towards her. I-" I blabbered with sweat coating my forehead.

"Just let it out, you need to learn to let go of everything holding up your life. Not to sound like a philosopher, You have serious detachment issues. You can't even part ways with the keyboard you were using at our company when it went into pieces after Jose accidentally sat on it." he commented. I nodded my head. Jose the office door wide and had a lazy smile shot towards me.

"What happened????" I immediately got up pushing him away. As soon as I reached the dining area, I saw Maanya dancing with a group of kids while some were singing. She whistled and appreciated their effort by bowing.

No!

"We were having drinks when suddenly that guy popped up a question to his girlfriend. And so the dance began. Can't believe she got some serious moves." Jose commented while Freddy joined them and announced one round of shots on the house. Walking to her, I held her hand. She looked back with drunk eyes and flushed cheeks.

"Meet my husband here. He works under me" She whispered to some guy and I chuckled. I have seen her wild side during our office outings. Glad to say she is the most behaved one among all back in India but here she seems to lose herself.

"Hi, congratulations. I have to take my wife home now if you excuse me." I said pulling her close to me. Maanya walked properly but her slurry speech gaveaway how much she had. Jose gave me a thumbs up and Hiten winked at me having his drink silently. I don't know how everyone is so calm looking at her. When I looked down, I saw Maanya smiling at me with half-closed eyes. Flicking her nose, I bent down to take her heels off. Making her wear my sneakers and walked slowly with her.

"Husband, hehehe, husssssssssbaaaaand" She slurred slinging her arm around my shoulders.

"What kind of music do you play husbaaaaaaand?" She asked to which I cracked up.

"I don't know, what do you like most?" I asked her.

"You??" She asked making me smile. I nodded my head and took her hands off my shoulders as my neck pained from all the bending to her height.

"But you love the other girl right? Am I a time pass for you? Why dont you share your life here? I like to be part of it. I hate begging. I feel, history is repeating for me.Begging for truth- dedicating life to one person and not having that person. Thats a cycle I hate most butttttttttttttttttttt I hope you are not him..........." She shouted holding my arm. I took a deep breath. If things had a way to solve itself out without our effort, I would be more than happy but someday Maanya needs to know about my past.

"I dont know who is that HIM but I hope you compare me with him. Lets get you home now?" I said holding her shoulders. She smiled and walked with me falling on to my body. We did not talk much,  I nodded to her gibberish, made her wear my shirt over her dress and my pants over her shorts, tucked her nicely in my bed and moved out. She snored away immediately. Resting my body on the couch, I closed my eyes. I could feel her presence around me. This house, city, country everything reminds me of her. The moment I realised, it's not her absence but the presence which is still felt by me. Lying down on my couch, I closed my eyes.

'If only we could live forever,
We would be conquering this huge ocean with our innovation' I said smiling at her.

'Oceans have their limit, their favorites and most importantly their grudge towards people who act greedy.' She winked at me.

'Come on! I am not greedy! You enjoy this sport as much as I love to see you doing this.' I said patting her back.

'Sometimes, I feel, I will end up being with the ocean. You know, give my life away to this beautiful , serene and peaceful waters.' She spoke making my heart skip a beat.

'Don't be ridiculous! You will never leave this world like that! Don't even utter such things! It... it breaks my soul to even imagine something like that!.' I protested and she smiled playfully.

Little did I know, that she will be one with these beautiful waves someday. I opened my eyes and found sun peaking through the curtains. It felt as if I got transported back to the time I was with her. As I turned around on the couch, I found Maanya sitting across me with phone in her hand. Jose whistled in his kitchen probably making breakfast for us.

"I...Good morning." I said looking around. She nodded her head but did not say a word. Washing my face, I sat beside her holding her hands in mine. The silence we had was awkward. Did she remember what al happened yesterday?

"Did you love her?" She asked me. I was puzzled for a moment.

My dream!

"I.. I did. Doesn't that make a difference now??" I asked her. She tightened her hold on me and turned her body. Jose walked into the room and stood a bit far observing us.

"You know the final act of love?" She questioned me. I nodded my head as no. I have never heard of such phrase in my life.

"It is letting go." She ended with a smile. I looked over at Jose, he took a sharp intake of breath and turned around. Maanya was still smiling at me assuring me with her small taps on my hand.

"I don't know what I spoke in my dream but I can assure you,  I only loved her like a friend, a close friend not more than that." I said pulling her close.

"Letting go,  has a strong sense of meaning to it. You don't need to complete leave the idea of that person. You know they were part of your life, you can appreciate the time you had with them. Respect them for who they were and are. But we need to understand that letting go of their presence in our present is important for us to live a peaceful life. Isn't?" She asked. I nodded my head and kissed her nose. Jose walked out of the room leaving us alone.

Even though people say I have to let go of her thought's, no one understood what kind of impact she had on our lives. If anything here is still lively and happening, it's all because of her.

"Aren't we going to discuss about Maria's prototype? We need to visit Jose's place and see how it turned up.  Huh?." I asked her. She nodded her head and moved away to prepare for long day.

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Unedited.

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I suddenly remembered a person who used to close to me. Hope that person is doing good now.

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