7.6

"Are you still keeping up with your pills, Piper?"

     No. "Yes."

     "Are you experiencing any side effects with these ones?" Dr. Moore asks, looking at me from under his glasses. In the winter his office seems even more bland and cold, making me shiver. The doctor's wrinkled hand is poised on his clipboard, waiting for my answer.

     "I'm tired a lot," I say, as if I'm admitting something.

     "Mhm." The pen's moving. "That's normal. Nothing else?"

     "No."

     "And how are you feeling?"

     "My home visit wasn't great," I say, tucking my hands underneath my skirt. "But other than that, I'm starting to feel better."

     The lie is almost too easy. Almost. I stutter, but Dr. Moore is too old and bored with his job to notice. He nods his head a few times, still writing when I feel my hands underneath me begin to tremble.

     "You're looking a lot better, too. Do you feel willing to take your medications this time around, or is what Ms. Gallagher suggesting necessary? It must be pretty inconvenient to be escorted every day to do a simple task."

     I smile innocently but he's not even looking. "It's not necessary."

     "Good, good," he murmurs. "If there's nothing else you feel we should discuss, you're free to go."

     I thank him and walk out of the office, rolling my eyes as I turn down the hallway. You're looking a lot better. As if. It's amazing what drugstore makeup can do.

     I'm sluggish walking to class. It's late afternoon and I don't want to sit in English, thinking up ways I can kill myself before the period is over. I turn the corner, barely paying attention to where I'm going when I stop in front of someone I'm not ready to see.

     "Piper." Adam holds his hand out in front of him and flicks his fingers to reveal two cigarettes. "Bathroom break?"

     I don't want to hang out with Adam right now, but the offer is too tempting. And after running into him unexpectedly, I could really use a cigarette.

     The boy's bathroom is damp and smells like mildew, so I make sure not to touch anything and only lean against the porcelain of the sink. The smoke is the only thing that keeps me calm as I cast glances at Adam. I'm waiting for him to call me out on leaving, ask me what happened, but he doesn't. He leans against the brick wall, one leg bent, and smokes his cigarette as if I'm not even there. We're both almost done when he finally does look up, lips curled up in a friendly smile.

     "There's only two and a half weeks of school before we're out again," he says. "Are you going home for Christmas break?"

     Silence fills the bathroom until Adam takes our finished cigarettes and flicks them into one of the toilets. I listen to the sound of the flush as he turns back to me, waiting patiently for an answer. I don't know what to tell him.

     I haven't talked to either of my parents since I left for Thanksgiving, but it's not like I've tried to make an effort to talk to them either. It was eventful, to say the least, and the last thing I want to do is rehash it three more times and solve nothing.

     "No," I say slowly. "I don't know. Probably not."

     "Don't want to go home?"

     "Not exactly."

     Adam smiles, but there's no joy in it. "Me neither."

     Beside us the bathroom door opens and two seniors walk. Adam smiles and greets them but they're slow to respond. Instead they're stopped in their tracks as the door slams closed behind them. Both pairs of eyes are on me, but it's the guy furthest away that chuckles and has to cover his mouth to keep his cool.

     "Hey, what's up, Adam?" He pats his shoulder and turns him around, guiding him away from me and deeper into the bathroom. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

     I'm left with doofus number two and instantly my eyes narrow. He's holding his phone weird, and when the flash goes off, to his surprise, my stomach drops. His fingers move quickly across the keyboard as I close the distance between us in seconds. I snag the cellphone out of his hands moments too late.

     "Hey!"

     I kick him in the shin and spin around. My hands tremble before I finally look down and read what's on the screen.

     A picture of me, glaring at the camera, is what just sent to five contacts. Underneath it, the words make me grimace and turn red, all at once.

     Look who was in the bathroom with Adam. Think she was going to pretend to be his Eve?

     As the senior snatches his phone back, I smack him across the head as hard as I can. "Are you retarded?"

     "Yo, Piper." I hear Adam's footsteps approaching from behind as I raise my hand up again, ready to strike. Adam grabs it in the air before I can make contact. "We should go."

     He doesn't give me a choice but instead firmly grabs my arm, pulling me towards the door.

     "Don't be a fucking idiot," I snap, shooting my most deathly glare back at cellphone guy."Or next time I kick you it's going to be in the-"

     "Piper." Suddenly Adam yanks me through the door and we're in the hallway, listening to the bell ring for the end of class.

     "Adam, they took a picture of me-"

     All the classroom doors open at once and the hall floods with students, bustling into us. Adam holds gently onto my shoulders, preventing me from getting bumped too much as we stand among the commotion.

     "I need to talk to you," he says over the noise, "privately."

     Skipping class isn't even a minor concern.

     "Where?"

     "Yo, Adam!"

     "Meet me in the library," he says, touching my shoulder as he passes me in the opposite direction. "Now I'm a little pissed."

     I turn around to spy the two guys from before, snickering by a row of lockers as they wave him towards them. Instantly I scowl, resisting the urge to follow Adam. Instead I tell him I'll meet him at the library and head back down the hallway.

     As I'm sifting through the sea of people, I realize something. I want to go home. But that place isn't back home, a plane ride away. It isn't even my dorm room. Home is a feeling I've only felt a sliver of times.

     When I was little, I would crawl under my purple comforter and hug my unicorn plushie tightly to my chest while my parents fought in the other room. Mom's hugs had stopped feeling safe a few years ago and this was the only way I could even come close to recreating it. No, I didn't feel safe or protected. But at that time it was my only safe space.

      I thought my place with Trevor in his crappy basement apartment was home for the short while I lived there. At first things were the best they've ever been. We would be happy and high and play house. That, however, was a mask. Behind it was the screaming, the comedowns, the abuse.

     Before Thanksgiving break, being with Roman made me feel different. Instead of cold he thawed me, made me feel warm. And then that night happened and it took with it the feeling that he gave me, the drive to keep going. Now I don't know how I feel, unless it's awful.

     "Piper!"

     It takes me a second to escape my thoughts and realize there's a girl standing across the hall from me, holding a couple textbooks to her chest.

     "It's Piper, right?" I want to lie and tell her no, but her smile is kind so I nod. "There's someone looking for you. They're waiting in the front hall, by the dorms."

     My body tenses. "Do, uh, do you know who they are?"

     In the palm of my clammy hand, my nails dig into my skin. If it's him I can't get to my room. If it's him I want to hide.

     "No," she replies, shifting her weight to her right leg. Her uniform matches mine, but on her it doesn't look like garbage. "It's a girl though, if that helps."

     I almost don't hear her. "A girl?"

     "Yeah, but I wouldn't - hey, wait!"

     I'm halfway down the hall when the girl catches up to me, gently tugging on my arm. Up close I realize she's wearing hardly any makeup and looks absolutely stunning. Her cheekbones are sharp and he brows thick, but her eyes are plain. Deep set and a light blue, maybe even grey. She's pretty and preppy and the exact opposite of me. I back away from her grasp, wary, and keep walking.

     "I wouldn't go see her if I were you," she says, matching my pace.

     "I don't even know who it is."

     "It doesn't matter. That girl is pissed and apparently it's with you."

     I stop walking and turn to her. "I didn't do anything to upset anyone."

     She smiles and shrugs, her blonde ponytail swaying behind her. "Then I guess you have nothing to worry about."