You were a couple weeks old when I found out about you.

You were not supposed to happen.

You defied every risk, ever permeability. You weaseled your way into my life and decided to make camp there.

I bet you got that from your dad.

You made sure your voice was heard with all those symptoms. You rattled me from the inside out. You did not want to go quiet.

I bet you got that from me.

You had no ears but I talked to you anyway.

I told you all the many reasons why I couldn't keep you.

I made sure you understood even though half the time I couldn't fathom them myself.

You had no eyes but I let you see anyway.

I let you glimpse into the many things I've dreamed for you.

I hoped you would be a girl but luck was never on my side. You would be boy.

Your name would be William. Your father insisted because he wanted to keep the royal-family-name theme.

You would have his dark, thick hair and beautiful carved eyebrows.

You would have my Dumbo-like ears and my big, fat cheeks that I would spend all day pinching.

You would be small and frail. But you'd have a huge tummy that your dad would tickle and make weird sounds against with his mouth.

You would be bright child. You would pick up a million hobbies.

Your dad would try to make you follow his footsteps. He would teach you the art of making melodies with your mouth and your hands.

You'd pick up the guitar. You'd light up whole cities with your music.

You'd be the spark to a revolution you didn't think you'd have the courage to start.

But you'd also make mistakes along the way. There would be times when you'd be the tears of disappointment running down my eyes and the surge of anger boiling within your dad's chest.

But you'd still be my baby boy.

You'd learn from them and move on.

One day, you'd look at someone the way your dad looks at me.

One day, you'd understand what it's like to love and to be loved so selflessly and wholeheartedly.

like the music your dad plays on his guitar for me and the words you spend hours writing into your little lyric book that you keep in your pocket.

One day, you'd be able to live and breathe and travel the world and touch millions of souls with nothing but your big talent and your heart of gold.

One day.

I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am that

I took that away from you.

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