"There are two kinds of guilt: the kind that
drowns you until you’re useless, and the kind that fires your soul to purpose."

-Sabaa Tahir

Aiden's pov.

"Cole, I don't think I need to give you a fucking explanation for everything I do," Why can't he just get it when I ask him to put the project on hold.

I hear him sigh over the phone before talking again, "alright, I'll make the arrangements but can you at least tell me why are you with Bree Adams?"

"You don't need to know why Cole," I answer bluntly. Part of me knows that Cole deserves an explanation but I don't think I have the patience to explain anything now.

"Aiden...your mom told me that you aren't answering her phones. Why is that?"

"Why don't you ask her? She messed up every fucking thing in my life or rather call it they cause my dad definitely has an important role in it," my words come out harsh and my tone is bitter showing the amount of hate I have towards her right now.

I close my eyes for a few seconds while trying to control my anger. A week ago, I promised to start over but everything leads back to one single question - what happened after I left? A question which no one answered in spite of knowing everything.

"Maybe we should meet," Cole suggests. He's been a good friend over the years but I never told him about Bree. Ricky doesn't talk much to me anymore and I really need to talk to him. I don't think I'm ready to tell Cole about all the mess yet.

"I'm not going anywhere until she wakes up Cole. I'll explain stuff to you after I get answers to some questions," I look out of the window while I wait for Cole to finish the call.

"Fine, I'm here if you need someone to talk with. I've got a meeting to attend for our other project so I'll call you later," Finally.

"Sure, bye." I hang up and take a deep breath before walking back to the room where Bree is. Fourteen days and she still hasn't woken up. The exact word for how I'm feeling is scared. The thought of losing her scares me to death.

I push open the door and walk in before closing it again. She's there still looking lifeless. The ventilator has been taken off and they just put it occasionally. That's a good sign that she's stable to breath on her own.

Ricky messaged me that he'll be here for an hour or so. The first time we really communicated since Bree's accident. Rachel hates me and it's clear everytime she looks at me. It's not like I don't deserve it but I guess I just wasn't ready for all the hate. Out of what I've heard Amanda hates me too. Even though I'm not really close to her, Bree is and what I did to Bree clearly made everyone hate me. The strangest thing is, I didn't see any sign of hate against me from Bree.

Settling down on the sofa, I open my laptop and continue replying to my mails and the three dimensional designs I had to make for our upcoming project. It's hard to concentrate on work while the only thing on my mind is Bree but I've got to do it. I chuckle when I see over 500 emails flashing on my screen. This is what happens when you ignore your mails for two weeks.

I open the mail from Bree, the day she met with an accident.

Mr. Waters,

I would like to meet you at 5pm to discuss the remaining details regarding our project. The sooner the better so I hope you show up Mr. Waters. Have a great day.

Bree Adams
Director of The Edge.

The way she mentioned Mr. Waters was like she hates the name to the core.

Hate me all you want baby doll, I'm still going to get you back no matter what.

I can't just let go of her now. Let her take all the time she needs, I'll wait but won't give up on her. I look over to her still in deep sleep or coma as the doctors call it. I wish I knew what happened.

A low creak of the door interrupts my thoughts. I look at Ricky entering the room followed by Rachel who's trying not to cry as usual. I close my laptop and put it aside before Ricky heads towards me while Rachel sits next to Bree. Knowing that the chances of our conversation going well is almost zero, I brace myself to whatever Ricky was going to say followed by Rachel. Ricky dressed up in a casual t-shirt and jeans while Rachel wore a purple coloured floral dress that made her look the way she did in high school.

Standing up I greet Ricky with a half hearted smile and he does the same. "How's the project going?"

Ricky asks referring to my laptop. I guess he's pissed off that I was working on the project while Bree is still in coma. Whom am I kidding? It's Ricky here and he's clearly grown more closer to Bree over the past years. But I needed a distraction too so I don't see what's wrong in doing some work.

"As much as I want to, I can't skip work Ricky," my voice comes out low as I sit down and motion Ricky to take a seat. The last time we spoke, Ricky gave in and told me a little about Bree but seemed like he regretted giving me this tiny information which made me feel better since he didn't talk to me after that.

I look over to Rachel as she starts tearing up next to Bree. "She wanted to talk to you,"

Diverting my gaze to Ricky, "Whom are you talking about?"

"Bree," I close my eyes for a brief second as he voices her name.

"When she came here to London, she looked lost. She never spoke to anyone and always locked herself in her room. She tried reaching you back then but your parents never let her talk to you," his eyes fill with anger and hate as he mentions my parents. My breath hitches as I think of how bitter my parents would've been to her. Bree never gave up on us but I did.

"She didn't give up on you Aiden," those words stung as I realise how much of a jerk I've been to her.

Ricky's phone starts ringing, "I've got to take this,"

I just nod my head before he leaves the room. Holding my head between both my hands, I take deep breaths trying to control the anger. I don't even fucking deserve a girl like Bree. I don't want to even think of how my parents would've spoken to her. I entered her life just to ruin it even more than it was.

"What do you want from her?" A small yet strong voice of Rachel asks me.

What do I want from her?

I don't want anything from her but I want her. I want the girl I fell for back. I want to make her feel alive again because I know that the reason for her fake smile is me.

"What do you mean Rachel?" I look up at her to see her giving me a disgusted look.

"Why do you keep entering her life just to keep breaking her more and more than she already is?" It's because I love her.

"I want her back in my life," seven words that hold a lot more than just how much I love her.

I want back her trust, the smile that always made my day and the truth of what happened after I left.

"Do you know that you're nothing more than a selfish asshole? You don't know how much damage you did to her Aiden. Why don't you just leave her at least now? You never bothered to show up when she needed you then why now?" Her eyes burn with anger as she hisses at me. Whatever she said is the truth and the questions she asked me are the ones I've been asking myself a hundred times everyday. I've got no specific answers for these question except the only the explanation I have is because I love her.

"Rach-" I start but Ricky enters interrupting what I was about to say. Ricky's eyes flickr to me from Rachel as if he's trying to figure out what's going on.

"I think it's better we leave before Ellie starts asking for you," he says looking at Rachel who nods while she continues to look at me in disgust and anger. I've never met their daughter before but I did see her in a photo placed on Ricky's desk when he spoke to me on the first day we met after six years.

Rachel finally takes her eyes off me and looks away before walking out. I look over to Ricky who bends over Bree and seems to whisper something in her ear. I stand up and head towards him as he starts exiting the room.

"Take care of her Aiden," a small smile tugs his lips and he hugs me taking me by surprise. Deep down he's still my best friend and knowing that makes me smile a little.

"Rachel will get around soon," he says releasing me from his hug and I nod as he leaves. He doesn't know what a difference that hug made. Some times I just wish I could go back to high school and set things right but maybe this is how it should be.

My phone vibrates getting my attention and I take it out of my pocket to see who it is. Mom. I grunt my teeth as I look at her face popping up on my screen. Did she take a fucking oath to ruin my life?

I swipe my finger across the screen to pick her call. Taking a deep breath I walk out of the room before closing the door behind me and place the phone to my ear. As much as as I hate my mom right now, I need to have my anger in control right now.

"Aiden," I hear her gasp over the phone.

"Why do you keep calling me?" I ask her bitterly.

"Aiden I-I'm really so-"

"You know what mom? I just hate you so much right now. What did I ever do to you? I can't believe you guys just showed Bree a fucking cold shoulder when she wanted to meet me or at least talk to me. You've got no idea how much that hurts mom," all the piled up frustration and anger comes out in the form of words.

I try to calm down and wait for my mom to speak, "I know what your father and I did to you is unfair,"

"Unfair? Is that what you call it mom? You both fucked up my life for your own selfish reasons!"

"Listen Aiden we-" I hang up on the call before she could say sorry again. A sorry can fix nothing at all, can it? No it can't.

So much, there's so much that I don't know happened in these six years and everything seems to include Bree. I though she moved on while she was still holding on to me. She was living streets away from me while I thought she was in Washington. Everything I assumed about her was wrong. How could I be so stupid to think that she would give up on me?

Regaining my posture, I take a few deep breaths trying to get my anger in control. I just wish Bree wakes up soon and clears this mess in my head. Just hoping that things will be fine would get me no where but I've got to do something, something that isn't popping up in my mind yet. Right now I need some sleep cause I'm tired as fuck.

Jackson is the first person I see in the morning apart from Bree. Since the confrontation with my mom, he decided on going silent and that's something that's eating me up again. As far as to I know, Jackson tries to handle things calmly but he seems to have lost it when he saw mom which brings me back to one conclusion that my mom has done something really bad to Bree.

I walk right in to the room and the beeps of the machines connected to Bree start ringing in my head again. I know how much she hates hospitals and I can imagine her freaking out when she wakes up. A small smile tugs my lips when I imagine how dramatic she could be when we were together but the smile fades away as I realise she isn't that person anymore. And I am the reason.

I chuckle slightly before taking a seat next to her bed while grasping her right hand which isn't hurt between mine. "I messed up really bad baby doll."

I'm not even going to make an attempt to deny that I didn't mess up. All this happened because I decided to blind myself from reality. Leaning my head forward, I kiss her hand and hold it tight with a promise of never letting go. I close my eyes and rest my forehead on our clasped hands.

"I need you back in my life Bree,"

×××××

My eyes flutter open when I feel Bree's hand tighten around mine. I look at her hand clasp mine tightly once more and I realise she's really moving. My heart beats faster as I hear a whimper and I look up to see her eyes closed but tears roll down her face uncontrollably as her lips quiver. Standing up from my seat, I press the button that calls for the nurse and look at Bree. The device that gives the readings of her heart start beeping louder.

"Shh, it's going to be fine," my voice comes out with fear clouding it. She's having a nightmare or rather a memory, a bad one. I can't lose her. I slowly reach her face with my free hand and wipe the tears off her cheeks. More tears roll down her face as sobs escape her lips.

My breath hitches as she forces open her eyes filled with fear, "Bree,"

"Jayden."

×××××

This is an update I was supposed to give you guys a few weeks ago but I couldn't complete the last scene due to some obvious reasons. This chapter isn't edited and that's another reason why I didn't update this chapter for so long. I thought I could edit it before updating but I just couldn't find the time.

Secondly, guys comment more! I get to know how the chapter was when you comment more.

I'll try updating sooner but I'm not making promises. I've still got to get to my collab book for our next update. I'm aiming to finish "Fragmented" soon so that I can concentrate on the other three books.

I've started editing "The Reason". So you guys could go ahead and check it out if you like. I've edited seven chapters so far but I'll try getting done with it faster once I find time.

Thank you so much for bearing with me. Until next time. You know what to do, vote, comment, and share.

Love ya'll
-this_is_her...❤