It's strange how I don't fully feel some emotions anymore. Happiness is one of them.

I used to be the happy virus - the one who would make anyone smile or laugh, but now it seems like I am the depressed virus instead.

I see how my friends laugh or smile and seem happy while I just force a smile so that they don't have worry.

I've been faking happiness so many times that it has become a normal thing to do for me.

But sadly, I can't do that in front of you.

We met from Taehyung and I'm so glad we did. You always know how to make me smile and I'm just happy from talking to you.

Even though we've only been texting and we've never met each-other face to face yet, we have a lot of things in common and I guess you could say we're also opposites, but not completely. I usually hated meeting new people, because I would get embarrassed and it would make me feel uncomfortable. But you're an exception.

Once I got your number, we also started texting each-other a lot.We'd talk almost every single day and learn more about each-other,although we wouldn't text that much since we were busy with school during school days.
I still enjoyed talking to you.I still enjoyed every second of us talking.You made me smile like an idiot and my heart would flutter every time we texted.

I'd even joke about me crushing on you and act slightly possessive in group chats and tell others to back off.It was just a simple inside joke we had.Though your responses to my words,made me smile even more and squeal like a girl who just got noticed by her senpai.

Is this admiration for you?Or do I just value your friendship,Lisa?I don't even know anymore.Though whenever you tell us about your crush, I feel weird.My stomach churns up a bit and I feel an empty space on my chest.What's this feeling supposed to be..?

Admiration,right?