"Again?"

The same question Jennie asked me last month rang through my ears. The disappointment and anger in her voice sliced through the deaf silence, making me look down at the cuts on my wrist with her. I felt horrible for letting her find out. I didn't want her to worry about me. I didn't want to disappoint her. But I couldn't help it.

"I'm sorry."

My words came out as barely a whisper. I pulled my hand away from her grasp and pushed down my sweater sleeve to conceal the injuries.

Jennie sighed and looked at me, arms crossed, brows furrowed and eyes softened. As my best friend for eight years - all it took was one look and she could read me like an open book, no matter how much I tried to hide my emotions.

This happened to be a dark phase I slipped into. Everyone has gone through it - at least once. Whether it be low self-esteem, negative thoughts or even extreme actions such as self harm or addiction to substances/alcohol - everyone has experienced one of these at least once.

They say that there's always a rainbow after the rain, but seems like it's been raining for two years in my life and I've given up the hope of seeing a rainbow.

"Chae, you promised you wouldn't!" she nearly yelled as I let out a sigh and looked at her with dull eyes.

Truth be told, I felt guilty for involving her into this.

Being a good friend as always she was probably going to make an entire speech on why I shouldn't self harm and how wrong it is. I've heard that same speech more than five times and I've grown tired of it.

My life was complicated at the time the darkness surrounded me and took me in its arms. I was having a hard time at school and the situation at home with one family member practically living in a hospital wasn't helping either. Luckily, that same family member is living a normal life now.

Two years ago.

The first time I cut.

School bathroom. Scissors. Pain. Blood. Tears.

"Since tomorrow's Saturday, are you gonna go out?" she asked, deciding to change the subject since she must have noticed my state.

"Maybe. After I finish my guitar course though." I answered as I looked out of the school window.

It was our last period and we were waiting for the bell to ring. Two more minutes and I'll finally head back home.

"Okay then."

That's when the bell rang, causing everyone to rush out of the classroom and head back home.

__________

EDITED 19/08/18