Please forgive me for what you're about to read below ⬇️

Anéyah
__________

7:23am|

"Anéyah wake up" Dionnis urges as he shakes my body gently.

"Mmm" I groan. "Just a few more minutes please" I beg.

"Something has happened to lemar, your mother was trying to reach yuh but contacted me instead" he shares and I jump up quickly from my slumber with both eyes opened wide.

"What do yuh mean something happened to lemar? Where is he?" I query, my mind going into overdrive.

What if he did something to my child?

Is this the consequence I have to bare?

Oh lorddd not my one and only child.

"Get ready, he is at the hospital I will take yuh there" he tells me and I stand to my feet and rush to the bathroom.

I quickly take a shower and brush my teeth before exiting the bathroom.

When I stepped into the room, there were pieces of clothes laid out on the bed. "Get dressed please" Dionnis demands looking at my puzzled gaze.

I open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off before I can even utter a word.

"They're your clothes, I went over to your house early this morning to get you something to wear" he state.

Without a second thought I hurriedly pulled the clothes on and walked through the door.

"Well since yuh went over to my house this morning didn't yuh see lemar?" I ask.

He shake his head saying no as we exit the house. "He was still asleep and I didn't want to wake him" he says then add "While I was on my way home I received a call from your mother and that's when she told me they just rushed lemar to the hospital. If I had only checked on him, I would have found him sooner and his chances would be greater.

What if something happens to him? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself" Dionnis explains, his voice breaking at each word.

"What did my mother say to yuh Dionnis?" She must of told him of the condition lemar was found in otherwise why would he be overreacting this way without probably cause?

He unlocks the door and we both got inside before he started talking "she said she found him barely breathing, his face was pale almost blue, same for his lips like he was left dehydrated for days" he shares and I slouch over resting one hand on the dashboard while the other one grips my chest.

"Are yuh sure?" I ask in between wheezing.

"Anéyah! What's wrong? Your face is turning pale" he ask, his voice filled with much concern but at the moment it's very hard for me to breathe much less get words to leave my mouth.

"Drive dionnis" I demand hoarsely.

He turns the key in the ignition and press down on the gas peddle hard send the jeep flying through the gate.

We reach to the hospital in about forty minutes because of the traffic lights and speed regulations.

My asthma pump is back home at my mother's house so on my way to the hospital I try to keep myself calm and think of happy memories.

It helped me to steady my breathing long enough to make it here.

Dionnis park the jeep and we both exit it immediately but he forbid me from walking, instead he lift me up in a cradle position and hurried us inside.

On the inside, a nurse rush to our sides and he explains to her that I am experiencing an asthma attack but she already figured it out after hearing the laboured breathing followed by a faint wheezing sound.

"What is her name?" The nurse ask dionnis.

"Anéyah Marshall" he returns.

My vision was becoming a bit blurry, even in my poor state all I can think about is Lemar. I need to know if he's okay and what had happened to him.

The nurse wanted to place me in a wheelchair but dionnis refused to put me down. "I will take her, show me to the room" he says in a tone that leaves no room for compromising.

Two nurses ran towards an elevator and he followed, gripping me tighter as if my body was fragile like a glass and would break if I dare to slip and fall.

My body is weak, I didn't had anything to drink nor eat since I woke up earlier. My eyes unconsciously closes, sending Dionnis into a panic state.

He rock my body in his arms gently but his grip got tighter. "No open your eyes, open your eyes anéyah" he pleads.

It's like I have no control over my body, along with my oxygen all of my energy is draining from me.

"Lem... lemar is dying dionnis, I can feel it" I whisper because I don't have enough strength or oxygen left in me to speak clearly.

I close my eyes again.

Oh Heavenly Father, please take me instead.

I have lived a well enough life but my baby has not yet experienced all that this world has to offer, so I beg you pleaseeee... take me.

A tear slipped from the corner of my right eye.

Someone grab hold of my hand as soon as I was laid on the bed placing a pulse oximeter over my index finger and an oxygen line was pushed into both of my nostrils.

The room was so quiet that the only thing I could hear is the sound of the machine beeping in correspond to my heartbeat.

"Ms. Marshall" a male voice calls out to me and lift my eyelids open— shinning a bright light into them.

"Her pupils are slightly dilated, she might need to rest but the good thing is her oxygen levels are slowly rising, that's a good sign" the man shares with dionnis.

"Okay... that's great" dionnis replies and caress my hand slowly with his thumb finger.

"We will be right outside, when you're comfortable a nurse will come back to get her information" the doctor says and leaves the room, at least that's what I think since my eyes are still closed.

"Anéyah, I just got a message from Jenny. She said lemar is in surgery and they haven't heard anything yet" D shares and I nod my head to let him know that I heard him.

What kind of mother am I for neglecting my child like I did. If he had stayed last night none of this would have happened.

I normally check on him during the night, I could have caught him earlier and helped him.

Why am I being punished like this ?

I've been nothing but good to everyone around me and this is what I get for repayment?

I exhale deeply and remain silent, before I know it I've drifted off into a deep sleep.

A bright light appears in my line of sight and I follow it.

"Mummy!!" I could hear lemar calling me.

I walk into a garden that has a large orange fruit tree and there he is sitting on a swing—smiling at me.

"Hi baby, what are yuh doing here?" I ask him.

"Thinking... do yuh know memories are the one place we can visit those we've lost? I met a woman and she identified herself as my sister.

For many nights she would visit me in my dreams and we would talk about yuh. She doesn't hate yuh, she is at peace, she wants you to forgive and let go of the hurt from losing her when yuh were in high school. She knows it wasn't your fault and there was nothing yuh could have done to protect her.

You've tried but your strength was no match for your predator because of the upcoming due date that was set to be two weeks away" .

The tears formed in my eyes cloud my vision and when I blink them away in order to see clearly. There she stood right next to lemar. Her skin was almost white as snow, she has her father's complexion.

Her hair is long and curly just like mine. Her hand is intertwined with Lemar's and her stance is guarded as if she is afraid of someone, of me.

I drop to my knees crying like a newborn baby as I look at both of my children across from me.

"Anilyah?" I ask hesitantly but her small lips curve into a smile at the mention of her name.

"That's what yuh used to call me inside of your womb" she beams and I smile.

"Yes, it's your name" I explain.

"I know mummy... we might not get to see each again but I'm glad I got the chance to finally meet yuh" she says to me.

"Same" I return .

"Lemar is coming with me" she says looking down at lemar.

I look at both of them puzzled.

"Where?" I ask.

"Beyond the white light, his body is too weak he will not recover. His soul needs to be at rest now" she explains and a painful expression cross my face.

"No anilyah... please help him" I beg her.

She shakes her head "I can't help both of yuh, my sisters need yuh so wake up" she states.

"Sisters?"

"No I'm not going to wake up!" I exclaim but my body is getting weaker and my voice cannot project any louder.

"Pleasee" I whisper reaching out my hand to both of them.

"We cannot take your hand mummy otherwise all three of us will go and it can't be like that" she shares and I started crying again.

"If lemar dies do yuh think I would have anything left to live for?" I query.

Lemar bows his head then gaze up at his sister whispering something to her then she nods.

"Tell nana I love her. Now wake up mummy, you're flatlining, wake up!!" Lemar shouts with all the strength he has left and I'm jolt from my sleep.

Dionnis
_________

Anéyah's monitor started making a long beeping sound and the line stops going up and down. Instead, it's staying flat.

My eyes widen upon realization that anéyah is actually going into cardiac arrest right infront of me.

Two doctors and nurses ran through the door while another nurse tries to pull me outside of the room.

No no no...

What the fuck is happening.

"Anéyah please don't do this to me" I shout as three security guards tries to pull me outside because the nurse couldn't get me to budge.

"Anéyah please!!!" I exclaim.

"What's going on?" Lya shouts as she runs down the corridor to meet me.

Diondré looks at me then back at the room when they reach to my side.

Lya breaks down crying when she hears the monitor going off. She is a trained EMT she of all people know what that sound means.

"You can let go of him now, I will make sure he stays out here" Dré tells the guards and they comply but doesn't move.

Suddenly my feet feel weak.

My back glides down against the wall as I slide to the floor.

I bend my knees and rest my head on them crying. The sound of the monitor going off makes me feel like I am listening to a death sentence.

"Six minutes is crucial, if she doesn't come back within six minutes she's gone" lya says in between crying.

Dré takes out his phone to call someone. "Come quick, anéyah is dying" he shouts historically into the phone.

Seconds later our mother, Jennifer, eric, aaliyah, Fiftie, Briana and antwaun come running down the hall.

My mother is here?

They all heard the monitor and started crying. "Antwaun get briana out of here" Ms. Jennifer ushers both of them back up the hallway.

Briana might go into early labour if she stays here so I agree with Jenny, she needs to leave.

I rest my forehead back on my knees and say a prayer.

My mother stoops down next to me in efforts to comfort me but she also is a crying mess.

Jennifer rests her hands against the plexiglass window that separates us from anéyah and the doctors.

"They're placing defibrillator pads on her chest" Jenny shares from what she's seeing.

Lya stands to her feet and join Jenny at the glass window. "Oh lord néyah please wake up" she mumbles loud enough for us to hear.

"First shock will be administered now" Lya says and gasps.

"Come on néy don't do this to us" she mumbles again.

"Second shock is going to be administered at a higher frequency" she shares and I finally look up to see Jennifer covering her face in the palm of her hands.

"Aahh" Jennifer screams when they pushed the button.

I stand up and wrap my arms comfortingly around her. She settles into my embrace but her body is still tensed up.

"If she doesn't wake up after this third one, that's it" Lya says hopelessly and rest her forehead on the glass window.

They did the third one, I can see anéyah's chest jolting upwards from the electrical current that flows to her heart.

In a blink of an eye the monitor starts beeping like normal and everyone gathered by the glass to see the nurses and doctors rejoicing.

I raise my head to the ceiling and mutter "thank you father god".

We watch as the nurse push a needle into anéyah's hand to administer a drip line. A few moments later they open the door and told us we can enter.

The same doctor turns to me saying "Her oxygen level is climbing but we don't know what was the cause of her going into cardiac arrest. Everything is miraculously fine with Ms. Marshall it's as if nothing ever happened" he explains and a puzzled look formed on all of our faces.

"Okay thank you doctor" I tell him and he nods.

They left the room and we all stood around her bed eagerly.

Anéyah blinks a few times while trying to open her eyes to look at us "I think lemar is dead" she says catching us by surprise.

"Why do yuh say that?" Jennifer asks.

Anéyah close her eyes and say "I saw him in a bright light, he told me to wake up because I'm dying and that he is leaving me".

Tears run down her face and jenny grips her palm tightly. "He says he loves you" she adds.

Jenny gets up from her seat and leave the room in a rush.

My mother, eric and Fiftie followed behind her leaving aaliyah, Lya and dré with me.

"Yuh guys can go I will stay with anéyah" Lya says to us.

Apart of me wants to go to see about Lemar and apart of me doesn't want to leave anéyah's side.

Lya has been her bestfriend for many years so I trust that she is capable of keeping anéyah under control.

"Okay" I say and get up to leave.

Dré and Aaliyah walks out behind of me and direct me to the waiting room for lemar.

*********

Hours after hours has passed still no update on lemar's condition. A nurse stopped by thirty minutes ago to inform us that lemar is out of surgery but she had nothing more to tell us, we just have to wait until the doctor comes out.

Jennifer paces the floor back and forth while eric her fiancé tries to calm her down.

Dré was just on the phone with Lya giving us updates on anéyah's condition but I don't have anything to share on lemar only that he is out of surgery.

It's quarter to eight and anéyah has finally stopped crying, I don't know if I should be happy or worried but when we get some news I'll see how she takes it.

Kenrick and antwaun came bringing food along with them.

I rest the bag with chipotle for anéyah next to me before I start eating mine.

It's crazy how we all missed work today and none of us seem to be willing to go home to rest up for tomorrow. We all want to be here when the doctor comes out.

"I'm going down to stay with Catalya and anéyah" dré says and I hand him the bag of food for anéyah.

By right he should be by his fiancée's side, I have two persons to look for in different wards. I can only choose to be next to the one that's in a more severe position.

A man in a white coat approach us just before diondré moves away.

"Family of Lemar Marshall?" He asks and everyone stood to their feet.

"I just need to speak to his parents alone" he states after seeing the multitude of us standing at once.

"His mother is hospitalized here in another wing, his stepfather is here and I am his grandmother. We give you permission to say what you have to say infront of all of us" Jennifer tells the doctor and he nods.

"We did everything we could to save lemar but his brain was deprived of oxygen for too long and his body isn't strong enough to help him fight.

Lemar is declared brain dead and will be on life support until his parents do decide to pull the plug" he explains.

Jennifer and Aaliyah screams out as they started to cry.

I don't know if I am numb but my body is cemented in the same spot.

"You are free to go see him" he adds.

I move forward for him to show me the room. I turn around before leaving and say in a firm voice "no one is allowed to share this information with anéyah, I don't care who you are... please respect my wishes".

The doctor opens the door to Lemar's room revealing him tucked under a white sheet connected to two machines.

"What happened to him?" I ask the doctor.

He sighs "It  be appears lemar had a severe anxiety attack during the night and struggled to breathe".

Jah jah!

Lemar!!!

I make my way over to him and gently kiss his forehead that's wrapped with a white bandage.

In that moment all of my emotions hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know men are supposed to be tough human beings but I cannot do it anymore.

The doctor leaves closing the door behind him. I guess it's to give him me some privacy.

"Why didn't yuh come to us huh lemar? We could have helped yuh get through whatever it is was bothering yuh" I mumble to him as I make circles around his forehead.

"Your mother is hurting lemar all of us are hurting right now. I finally have a son and within a few months you're gone" I try not to sob too much so my words can come out clearly.

Someone knocks on the door then pushes it open. "Hi" jenny says faintly.

I nod with my lips boxed in tightly to keep myself from crying once more.

Jenny comes over to lemar and start running her fingers through his hair. "Oh my sweet baby boy, nana loves you too" she says and kiss his forehead.

"We will break the news to Anéyah tomorrow... okay?" I say to jenny.

"Okay" she nods.

Eric, antwaun and my mother walks through the door.

Antwaun slouches forward with both hands on his knees upon seeing lemar. "Lawdd... nephew" he states.

Kenrick comes in and hold up Antwaun that was about to fall over.

"Dawg dis cyaan be the end, lemar still alive... dis no real" antwaun says in defeat as he cries.

"Aaliyah says she cannot come inside, she doesn't want to see lemar like this" Jennifer shares and I nod, I respect her decision.

"I love you lemar and I will stay by your side until you're here no more" I say into his ear in hopes that he could hear me.

Dis a pain inna every language.

Jah know.

Not even on my worst enemy me wish this yah for, me fada.

Lemar yuh broke me.