chapter song - bones by imagine dragons

It only takes thirteen seconds after walking into the coffee shop for me to end up in Tyler's arms. And it takes me a full twenty minutes afterwards to get over how much it felt like I had stumbled home when his hand gently rubbed my back for a fleeting moment.

God, this is so pathetic.

Whimpering after a guy who might not even like me like that anymore. Regardless of the fact that I'm not even sure if I like him like that too, or if I'm just running on the high of a man not treating me like shit for the first time in years. I listen to him talk, going over college, getting drafted and then the injury. His voice has deepened over time but I can't help the little smile that tugs at my lips as I listen.

God, I love that voice.

I ignore the flutter in my chest when he smiles while talking about how his parents are doing. How his dad retired early after getting sick from stress and found himself in love with baking, and now Tyler buys him stupid aprons with puns on them every chance he can get.

My mind trails off, starting to wonder what would have happened if we never broke up after high school. If we stayed closer and didn't move far away from each other. If I'd never met -

Stop it.

I let out a sigh and Tyler stops talking, frowning as he looks up at me from where he'd been circling his finger around his mug handle.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Sorry, sorry," I say. "I just...got distracted, I didn't mean to."

"It's okay, don't worry," he assures me. "Lot on your mind?"

I shrug. "Just a lot of messy stuff left over from one of my old jobs."

He winces, gulping back the last dregs of his drink. "Need me to beat someone up?" he asks, a sly grin sliding along his face. "My brief stint as a football golden boy is gone and I really think emotionally scarred violent kid is back in."

I scoff out a laugh. "One step forward, too steps back, huh?"

Tyler smiles. "Eventually you realize you're just going in a circle. Way better off to just take a step to the right and get on a different track."

"You on a different track now?" I ask.

He sighs. "Honestly? No idea. I'm on vacation in Canada because I can't afford to vacation anywhere else, and my friend is letting me stay in his apartment for free as long as I water his cactus."

I grin. "If it helps. I can't afford a vacation outside of Toronto. Even the bus is looking a little pricey."

Tyler laughs and a little jump in my chest makes me feel proud of getting that noise out of him. Part of me just wants to reach out and touch his face. Another really wants his arms around me again, his hand on my back. And another is depressed as hell that we kissed after so many years, and it may be the last kiss we ever have, and I can't even remember it.

"So Tally's staying with you right now?" he asks.

"Yeah, we're both kind of taking a break from our careers. Well...she is, I'm..." I sigh and the sound just sounds so sad and defeated I can't help but wince. "Don't tell her this," I say and Tyler shakes his head.

"'Course not," he says.

"They let me go a few weeks ago. I didn't tell Tally, because, I don't know...I was embarrassed. I felt stupid, honestly. It wasn't my fault, they were having cutbacks. But I just...it felt like my fault. Like I wasn't good enough." I look down at my empty coffee. "I haven't been able to get a job. There's just always someone else slightly better than me. Slightly more qualified. Slightly more put together."

Tyler mulls the words over for a moment before tentatively reaching his hand out across the table and I manage to stop my fingers from trembling when his gently rests on mine, curling around them in a soft embrace.

"Guess we're all in the unemployment club then," he says quietly and a smile tugs at my lips.

"Kind of a scary club to be in," I admit.

He shrugs. "Only if you're alone."

"Yeah," I hum. "Guess I haven't been completely alone lately."

"Well, your stupid cat is definitely enough company."

"Stupid?!" I scoff loudly, eyebrows raising. "What did Fig do to you?"

"He sat on me," Tyler pouts and I laugh.

"He...wait, he sat on you?" I ask.

"Does every cat think a thigh is bread or do they just knead everything they can get their hands on?" he asks back. "Yeah, he was climbing all over me. You should buy him a cat tree before he starts thinking I'm the replacement." He pauses and looks at the face I'm pulling, frowning slightly. "Why? Is that not good? Should he not be doing that?"

"No, no!" I say quickly, controlling my expression. "It's fine! He's just friendly."

No he's not. He's disinterested at best. He takes ages to get comfortable enough to sit on someone other than me.

I notice our plates and cups are now empty and that the coffee shop is starting to get busy now that most people have begun to wake up and start their day.

"Do you wanna go for a walk or something?" I ask him.

"Yeah, sure," Tyler says quickly and loads up the plates and cups in his hands before I can even try and help him. He scurries off to the countertop with the dirty dishes and I wander to the exit. I consider letting my anxiety completely consume me, wondering if he's just humouring me, if there's any point to even doing this. I mean, what's the goal? Are we friends? We've always been friends but we were also always together. Does it even count if it was in high school? If it was just a year.

Would he laugh over how hung up I am over him?

A short, shuddering breath escapes me and I slump my shoulders, trying to let some calmness seep into my bones. God, I'm a fucking wreck. Someone had a laugh out there when they decided to reunite us as the worst possible time in our lives.

A shoulder softly brushes against mine and Tyler glances down at me. "Ready to go?" he asks and I nod quickly.

I'll go anywhere with you, idiot. You know that.

We set off down the street, wandering away from the busy intersections and down the smaller roads. The air heats up as the sun keeps away from the few wayward clouds, shining harshly down on us. We walk in amicable silence, and every now and then our arms or shoulders accidentally brush against each other's.

I laugh and apologize, bouncing away only to find myself back beside him once again.

We stumble across a small outdoor market where the streets have been closed off from cars. Small vendors have tables set up with products spread out for everyone to look over. Gold necklaces with pastel gems glisten in the sun, artwork on hastily cut paper drowns the concrete city in colour, and small jars of hand-made hard candy rattle as customers scoop them up.

"A market?" Tyler asks, taking in the sight.

"Yeah, this happens sometimes. Roads get shut just for pedestrians and vendors can come out and sell things. Didn't realize it was on today," I say. "You want to wander around? It doesn't happen in this neighbourhood too often."

"Sure," he says. "The weather's nice and I want to finally soak up some sun."

I laugh as we wander. "Were you looking for a beach vacation, Madden?"

"Don't most people head to beaches or islands?" he asks with a grin.

"Technically Toronto has islands. And a beach."

"City really keeps on giving," he mumbles and I huff in amusement.

I stop at one of the jewellery tables, running my finger carefully over a gem nestled in-between fine braids of string that entwine and weave together in a bracelet. A phone goes off and I glance over at Tyler who looks away from the necklace he'd been admiring and grabs his phone from his pocket.

He winces as he looks at the name on the screen and gives me a guilty look.

"Is it okay if I take this?" he asks. "My team won't stop trying to get a hold of me. Well, those who are left."

"Yeah, yeah!" I say quickly. "Don't worry about it, I'll just be here."

He whispers an apology before rushing away from the browsing crowd and standing across the street. I try to give him privacy and keep my eyes glued to the jewellery but when a very eager woman almost elbows me out of the way because of my lack of focus, I awkwardly stand at the edge of a barbecue corn table, glancing at Tyler.

His face is pinched, tense and he looks frustrated, albeit even a little angry. He runs his hand through his dark curls and his shoulders tense up as he talks back into his phone.

Someone hits my ankle with their bike and I almost say sorry. I'm so fucking awkward, someone get me out of here.

I take a peek at Tyler from the corner of my eye and he looks defeated, slumping against the wall as he speaks back to his team. I watch as he pulls the phone away from his ear and quickly turn around, trying to find something to pretend I was looking at the whole time.

Maybe he's going to cut the day short. To be fair, it was only supposed to be a coffee and that's technically over. He probably has tons of things to do, people that are already taking up his day. There's probably not enough time for me too. It's probably better if I just-

A tap on my shoulder makes me whirl around and I almost slap myself, realizing Tyler saw me just stood in the middle of the road doing nothing.

"Oh hey!" I say quickly. "Everything okay?"

"Uh, sort of," Tyler sighs. "Well, actually no, not really. They want me to go back."

"To...to the US?" I ask.

"Yeah. They wouldn't just tell me why. Kept saying something went wrong and I need to physically be there for it. So they can explain it better."

Tyler sighs again and he looks so upset my heart clenches.

"I just...I wanted to have a break. For once. Learn how to be myself again." His voice lowers to a whisper that I almost don't hear. "Be with you."

A sad smile pulls at my face and I wring my hands together, trying to ignore how much I want him to stay right where he is.

"We've never been that good with timing, huh?" I say softly, and wince at the palpable sadness in my voice.

Dark eyes stare back at me for a moment and I maybe wonder if I've said something wrong. He glances away before a determined look falls across his face and his hands tighten into fists before relaxing with a deep exhale.

"You know what?" he says. "Fuck it. Come 'ere."

His hand lunges out and clasps around my wrist and before I know it he's tugging me down the street.

"Uh, what are we doing?" I ask.

"I don't care," he says. "I don't care if it's for a week, a day, or a single fucking hour." He stops walking and whirls around to face me. His hands gently land on my shoulders and I ignore that warmth that comes off his palms. "I haven't seen you in years, Fran," Tyler says quietly. "An hour coffee isn't enough for me."

I gulp and a little smile graces my face before I calm down. Stop blushing. Are you blushing? Fucking stop it!

"I uh...I work later," I say.

"I thought we were the unemployed duo?" he asks and I laugh.

"No it's um...I volunteer," I say. "At the community centre. Not really...the most...fun."

"Okay."

"Huh, what?" I blink.

"Okay," Tyler shrugs, a grin pulling at his cheeks. "Let's go to work."

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