Chapter 71

So about three and a half fucking hours later....

"Alright, alright.... I am done not getting answers out of you people," I said in a sharp voice, narrowing my sight on the woman FBI agent before me.  The same one that was at school with that other agent to see me.  Her long brown hair was still up and neat along with her other features; she still looked interested in me.  Just not enough to cave to my demand of answers.  Yet, they want answers out of me I figured out - or assumed.  They told me they wanted to talk with me... and my first reaction was anything other than, 'sure lets talk my new friends.' 

In my head, I had instantly translated that into the idea that they were going to try to kill me, beat me, or turn me over to Reid.  I couldn't trust them - I knew that right away.  I thought they were traitors at first and I even called them out on it.  And even though my gut said they weren't, I had to keep thinking they were.  I didn't want to take any risks at this point.

However, with one reliable (cop and one Ramper) with me, they had verified that they were real agents.  Not to mention, the other police wouldn't have let them in either if they weren't real; they were thorough and knew they had to be.  Even still though, it took a while to convince me.  Even more time to try to coax me into leaving with them too. Which did eventually happen.  It took seriously 40 minutes for them to convince me in total to believe they were the FBI; I forced Ramper to pull up background information on them and turns out, they were the real deal.  And apparently they needed to speak to me at their private headquarters of some place. In the end, I went with them.

But like I said... this has now been over three hours later - and that's not just from me being initially stubborn or the drive either.  They drove me back to their offices and when they did, I asked them if I could contact Luke and tell him about this.  Their answer was that that was an, 'unnecessary task' and that I needed to just relax, keep my mind clear.  They reassured me all was okay with them and it was - to an extent.  They weren't bad people; they were the FBI guys!  It was their motives to talk to me that put me on edge.

What added up to the three hours and over was the actual waiting I had to do until they were 'ready' to have a talk.  I wanted to yell that I was missing a very valuable lecture at school but obviously, I would have been lying.  I was nervous to begin with, not knowing what they wanted to talk about.  Plus, it wasn't the most welcoming room they put me in to wait.  One with a table, chairs all around it, and dull-ass walls and floors.  Plain and boring.  But they seemed to have already knew me well enough.  There was a tray of little sandwiches and cookies on the table.  I am ashamed to say I had more than I am proud of. 

But finally, after so long, that woman came in - that woman... Agent Moore I think is was.  Which brings me to now... where she better give me an answer after I have been demanding some this whole time. "Answers?" she responded to my demand for just that in a low voice, her lips pursing.

"Yes!"

"We will address your concerns when we speak with you.  Which will be within five minutes when the others come in," she said, closing the door and coming back to face me.  She gave me a small smile and actually sat on the other side of the table from me, holding her hands together over the round table professionally.  Neither of us said nothing.  It was awkward... and I wasn't sure what to make of her words.  She has been telling me to wait this whole time.  Well I'm counting up to five minutes lady and if I don't hear your mouth talking, whether they are here or not, I'm walking out--

My thoughts were cut off when I heard the door open again from behind her and across the table and in my view.  My eyes found the new source that opened the door.  It was agent Ryder, the guy that was at my school before with this other agent chick.  His eyes met mine neutrally as he propped open the door before he strode into the room.  I watched him as he took a seat on the woman's right.  However, after I broke my gaze, it caught one more person who was coming in the room too, holding open the door as he stepped inside the room.

I never saw him before.  He had brown soft eyes... but ones that would easily fool you it appeared.  He held flat lips, an almost forced blank expression.  And when his eyes met mine... they seemed to light up slightly in either negative amusement or true excitement, I wasn't sure.  I noted of his hair, which looked wet and slicked with a comb all the way back behind his head and ears.  Looked rather formal too I noticed with a black button up shirt as well as khakis.  His eyes called him anything but professional....  He looked like he would have fun in a fight with that lively spark in his eye.  But at the same time... he looked serious as all hell too for someone who looked to be in his mid to late 30s.  I watched him carefully as he took a seat right across from me directly.  Saying nothing... and he just looked at me before he glanced to the agents on his right with no definite emotion yet shinning through.

"Miss. Higgins," Agent Ryder said, the man, and he drew my eyes to him.  It was the first time I noticed that he had a number of files with him and before him on the table.  "Did you enjoy your snack?" he asked me in a voice I wasn't sure was being aimed sharply at me or not as he eyed the now half empty tray of food.

"You're damn right I did," I nodded.

"Good," he muttered.  "Now, we are here to discuss your future.  You are not in trouble; you are not under suspicion of murdering your mother as an action of insanity either. You are here because of a man who is after you," the aging agent said.  I was surprised to hear him mention the idea of me murdering her; I never even thought of that as a worry....  Did I just looked that on edge?  I hope not.  Whether I looked it or not, his words did calm me quite a bit at actually knowing what this chat will concern.

"Reid?" I asked.  "What do you know about him?"

"He's a prick," the curious man said from across from me, speaking up for the first time in a low voice.  "And he has fancy shoes which shows you how much of an ass he is."  His words were joking but he didn't at all sound like he was kidding around.   His tone was serious, kind of snotty... but alive and excited  along with his eyes in mine all at once.  It was very different....

I lowered my eyebrows when I took him in again, leaning forward and rested my arms on the table.  "Who are you?" I asked, showing slight annoyance at those looks he was sending me.

"Jackson Honeywell," he answered, leaning forward and offering me his hand to shake. Eyes... almost daring.  Daring yet so serious - to the point where I questioned whether that seriousness was just part of his humor.  All I knew was that he looked like a hardass.

I took his offer and shook his rough hand, a little hesitant seeing that look.  "I'm Albany, as you probably already know.  And your reason for being here is what?" I asked him, not understanding.  The two agents were the FBI and the ones that got me from school. So who was this and why was he here?  He wasn't FBI; his presense wasn't the same and he wasn't wearing the navy blue coats with large yellow lettering like they were.  

The man, Jackson, looked over to both agents carefully and they returned a blank look.  His eyes finding mine, he said, "Well, I will explain that when we get to that part.  Right now, they need to tell you a bit about the man after you."

Shrugging, I looked back over to the agents and knew that I would get back to him later on that.  I didn't like that they needed to apparently tell me certain things in order.  Like I would be shocked if they just told me why this guy was here first.  Whatever, I'm not the stupid FBI.  I don't know their interrogation process or whatever this was.  Agent Moore met my eyes and she began what would be a very tense conversation in the end.

"Right.  So we wanted to tell you a little about this man, Reid Taylor," she said, taking a deep breath.  "We have been after him... and his men... for years now.  He pops up here and there but this time, he popped up here.  And for some reason darling, he wants you.  He... is an obsessive kidnapper," she said, a bit more slowly.  "He takes people and we have evidence to suggest he... keeps them as his own 'pets' in a way.  Or he occasionally sells them, the women, off as... basically sex slaves or servants of different sorts to put it in simpler terms....  There are a number of things like this we discovered about him," she said.  "Another being that he has his fingers in almost everything, which makes him always nearly impossible to find."

It triggered one big internal sigh, I can say that much.  Because though I was happy they were finally telling me things I wanted to know, it made the reality worse.  Nearly impossible to find?  Oh yeah that sounds so fucking doable!  But hey, I needed to be happy she was at least telling me the truth.  "What do you mean has fingers in almost everything?" I asked.

"Well... for example, those rampant members in that gang that was after you.  He wanted you for himself we believe... and he paid them off to take you off their hands."

That's one thing I didn't understand; even when we discovered that was the case. "But his men attacked the house and tried to kill me and Luke.  Doesn't he want me alive?"

"Oh he does," Agent Ryder jumped in with a gruff voice.  "We have come to the understanding that his men were not aware that you were to be his and needed to be delivered alive.  Which, unfortunately, shows you his men are also use to going in and killing.  He isn't just involved in abducting people," he said in a grave voice.  I wasn't sure what I would want more... him taking me or him killing me.  It would depend on a few things I think....  "Like we said, he has connections and is involved with multiple different offenses."

I sighed, resting my forehead against my hand propped on the table.  Staring down at the grey flat surface of the table, my eyes searched it aimlessly.  Why did this need to happen?  Why was he after me?  And even more important was... how are me and Luke going to stop this guy?  Is that why the FBI wanted to talk to me - to try and help?  That would seem almost too good to be true.... My lord, why can't I just get a break?  It was well past frustrating!  I shook my head slowly, willing myself to breath evenly.  For once, can't I have a conversation about something harmless?  Nope.

"And you are trying to go after him now that he has resurfaced, went after me, and it gives you a jump on where he could be now?" I asked.

"Yes.  You see, he has been among the people we are still looking for from many years before and is still going at his sick work," Agent Moore said.

"Well, do you know why he would be after me?" I sighed in a groan.  "He mentioned my father but I wasn't sure if he was being serious or not."

Agenta Ryder glanced over to the woman and she sighed, leaning forward more.  Her nice eyes on mine turned serious and she took a small breath before she spoke, stressing her words with her eyes.  "We can't be certain because there is no way to justify that.  However, we do know that Reid likes to trick men into getting them in his debt.  He will often persuade  them to sell off their children if it's either that or that person's life.  So that is a likely option, that your father threw you under the bus so he wouldn't get killed.  Or it's also likely that your father is working with him too and promised you to him.... I mean, there are several options it could be," she said, looking down and pursing her lips. 

Those words... one massive weight on my shoulders that just pressed down harder.  I didn't even know how to piece my dad in on this.  I mean, I never knew the guy enough to remember him.  So to me, if I think about my father, I think of him like a ghost.  Like he can't exist but as she pointed out, there is a great reason to expect that he is. And he is connected in all this somehow... what?  It was just so hard to think about.  That my father could be very possibly in on this.  Either because he was in debt or just because he was apart of this dude's group. 

"But... why now? Why did Reid show up to collect me, for whatever reason, just after this huge mess?"  Was it a coincidence he came in when all this chaos was in effect?  It really made me try to figure things out and it was hard with them not knowing many of the hard solid facts. 

"Probably because your story got bigger.  More known, more televised.  And it helped point you out to him."

I groaned.  It sounded right; it  made sense that that would be why he was coming at me now. And it also made sense why the FBI was all over this guy if he just now showed up again.  What I didn't understand is why... I am here really.  They don't need my permission to go after him and it's not like I would have valuable information on him; they knew more about him than I did by far!  So why am I here?  And what the hell is this Jackson dude doing here? 

"Okay well... why do you need me?  I mean," I scoffed looking at Agent Ryder; his eyes were trained and focused.  "I don't see why you would bother telling me this when I can't do much about him coming after--"

"You can actually," Agent Moore said, making me glance to her next to the other agent.  Holding a blank face, no expression this time, the only thing I noticed was a slight reluctance on her part.  She paused for a long moment as they all just... stared at me from the other side of the table.  I felt outnumbered and I wasn't even sure for what yet.

I could already feel this would involved more danger somehow; it's just what I have come to expect at this point.  Which is what led me into a deep sigh, sitting forward more and glancing from each of them. My eyes finally landed on Jackson, his eyes searching and calculating.  He looked at attention, no more no less.  Glancing from him back to the blank faced agents too, I rolled my eyes and waved my hand for progression.  "Alright, come on.... Just lay this bitch on me."

Ryder was the one that decided to do the bitch laying.  He looked down for a moment, cleared his throat, and met my eyes again.  "We would like to propose to you an opportunity offered by and administrated by a sect of the United States Department of Justice - which is where we also fall under," he said in a serious voice.   

Great... this didn't sound fun whatever it was.  But I did understand that this was serious.  I honestly was on the edge of my seat at this point, realizing they could be about to drop something huge on me from the looks of it.  "Well what is it?" I asked them quietly, narrowing my eyes on them. 

"It's a very nice program that will allow you to live life again... and without conflict."

"What is it though?" I asked, not understanding that last part one bit at all.  Until Jackson finally spoke up and described to me what they were being subtle about.  And it was those words that would change everything. 

His words compelled me to look at him as he said the words.  And it sent chills up my spin.  "They are talking about the Witness Protection Program."

There have been many hard turns in my life, many rough awakenings.  This though....

"Excuse me?" I asked in a dried up voice; I wasn't even sure how quickly my mouth could have reacted like that. My head sure couldn't.  Because though this was shocking, it wasn't the most shocking thing I have been through.  But I felt it was by far the one that would get the most of a reaction out of me.  Before my mind could even think about that though, my eyes were doing the thinking.  Everything rested between these three people and right now... the man that said those words seemed to have erupted a volcano in my world.  I just knew I couldn't flip out yet.... Not yet.  Even though my head was spinning a circle of 'what' around in my head with panic.

Agent Moore sent me an apologetic look while Agent Ryder stared Jackson down with a glare.  Didn't care either way.  He said it and now I wanted some damn details.  Because if I knew anything... witness protection was a life changer - and very literally so.  "What is he talking about?" I asked instantly when nobody answered yet in a very edgy voice.

"Before this gets out of hand, we would very much like to stress this would not be for too long.  Maybe a year or so but not life.  So we would like you to keep that in mind when we tell you this....  We would like to place you under protection....  Under a new identity, in hiding and that means elsewhere," Agent Ryder said, his glare moving from this Jackson Honeywell fellow to me. 

I didn't know how I should feel about any of this.  I honestly didn't and didn't register what this could mean just yet. I just... stared at him.  Blinked.  And felt a wave of shivers bubble up from my skin, my mouth drying, and my hands clenching.  All I knew was that was big change being discussed.  Change I wasn't sure how I should feel about.  Maybe because I didn't have the details yet.  Maybe because it didn't fucking sink in to begin with like it needed to.

"Are you guys... serious?" I asked, looking between them, my eyes strained and wide and... in another world that I didn't even recognize yet. "H-How? I...I..."

Moore spoke up, her eyes trying to find a new method of breaking this to me.  She sighed and offered me a sympathetic look, but was very strict and informative at the same time.  "Miss?  Please excuse the abruptness that this was dropped on you," she said, shooting daggers at the strange man.  "It's not in the nature of the program to take on people that are, firstly, not technically a witness to something specifc.  We want to make an exception with you for the fact that we need this man in our hold and we need a way to get him.  And that can't happen unless we have you go into hiding.  We want to keep you safe and at the same time, he won't stop looking which will increase our chances of finding him."

I stared at her, wide eyed.  And... I didn't know how to take in what she was saying.  Because it was fucking a lot to process and to do so without thinking about freaking out or getting sick at that very second.  "I..."  I took a hard shaky breath.  Too much... Way too much especially after everything else.  Exhaling unevenly, I tried again.  "I don't understand," I said, my voice turing raspy; I caught it just before it would break.  And just before I would as a whole with how much this was overwhelming me!  I didn't know what to fucking think!  "You... are making an exception and want me to... to start a new life? Hiding?  Why can't you... just get him now?"  I couldn't understand it that easily even though it was quite basic. I guess you can thank my boiling mind and spinning thoughts.

She seemed to have noticed my struggle, my breath deepening, and my overall appearance because she leaned forward more... and spoke much more clearly.  Slower too, and it still didn't seem to help my traveling mind.  "A new life but a temporary one.  It's very important.  This man is obsessive on his 'subject' he wants.  He won't stop until he has you; he just won't and I can't say that enough.  So we need to ensure your safety.  But also, we need you to hide if we want to find him.  He won't stop looking for you and, if past cases say anything, he gets messy when he has to look for too long."

I nodded slowly, shaking my head and resting my head in my palm on the table.  Breathing hard... and squeezing my eyes shut.  Because her words did hit me like a painful bullet and one that was digging into my gut. Causing pain... the more it buried itself in me.   Because... because of Luke.. We finally got rid of that bitch... now, we had another one that was apparently so persistent.  It wasn't a good situation.  But from the way I was aching, this didn't seem like a good idea either to me. I wasn't leaving Luke.  I... I couldn't! 

I didn't even give myself time to think about that one because I knew... reason would probably be a bitch today. But my need, my stubborn nature, wouldn't let that reason in.  I couldn't leave Luke, no matter what.  "Will Luke be able to come with me?  My step father?" I asked, clarifying if they had no idea who he was.

Seeing their looks... of sympathy and trying to conjure up a way to tell me, I felt my heart sink.  Agent Moore tried breaking it to me.  "We are sorry, we can't au--"

"Well I'm sorry then too," I said a bit sharply.  And as unreasonable as I was being, I didn't even give them a chance to explain.  To explain and get me to a regular thinking level to make decisions. I stood up instead.  Moving my chair back from me, I got to my feet and stared down at the three of them, staring up at me.  Not knowing what I was doing, why I stood, and why I was now in need to leave. But when I get shit like this sprung on me... I wasn't going to be polite about it with all else that has happened. "Thank you for your concern.  I need to get back to school though and don't need your help; which, who the fuck knows, might be just you feeding me bullshit to get a man who you want.  Not because you care about what I have been through in my life!  I am sick of change, of all this chaos, and I want a goddamn break!  And I want one with someone that actually cares about me; that man doesn't deserve my abandonment no matter what!" I said, feeling my chest jump up and down. 

I knew I made absolutely no sense with that reason I gave them.  I knew I wasn't being rational.  I knew it but I didn't want to be rational at this moment.  I just wanted to be normal.  A normal girl!  Who gets bored and wants to do something fun.  I wanted to be stable... and living a fake life sounds anything but that!  I didn't want anymore change.... I wanted to focus on my love with Luke. I wanted to focus on this new reality of being sane, and I wanted to focus on things concerning our living space.  But not away from here, from him, from all I know would become better.  The thing about this was... the fact that I didn't even bother thinking about what it would be like if I didn't accept this.  Because it would be disaster with me and Luke and no other way to stay safe without great forces and maybe still no progress. 

Just as I was about to walk towards the door, Jackson stepped into this conversation with full force.  He looked incredibly persistent and focused; that was all I could decipher from his expression.  With a need to get this to work, almost with a desperation.  "We are not done.  You and I especially," he said in a darker voice, his eyes bright and staring into mine.  I even saw a slight scowl come to his lips.  "Stop being a selfish drama queen and you need to face the facts.  Because I know you can't be that selfish.  You and I need to talk - and alone unless you need one of these agents to hold your hand, little girl," he said, looking over to the observing agents.  They looked at him carefully, as if trying to figure something out.  Agent Ryder gave him a slow, hesitated nod before he glanced between each of us and me, who said nothing.

"Fine," he said.  He looked back over to me, trying to show me I could trust this man.  "Don't sweat him; he won't hurt you.  We will be just outside this door." 

"Okay, so your going to fucking leave me alone in this room with some guy I don't know, and who you probably don't even know!" I said to the agent - yes agent, which this Jackson fellow didn't look to be.  "I am not staying in here when I don't even know--"

"If you at all care about yourself, your stepfather, or his family, you will sit down, talk, and be civil about it," Jackson said to me, drawing my eyes down to him and it made my heart jump.  And though I was still on my feet ready to leave... I couldn't move.  I knew I could leave.  I knew I had the ability to deny speaking with him.  But they looked like they just needed to talk and propose this wild idea to me.  Jackson especially.  There was something in his eyes that made me sit back down in the chair, nodding to the agents that they could leave in slight apology even.  And it wasn't just his words that made me willing to stay and talk.  It was his convincing tone, his eyes that said I would be making a mistake if I left - one that would greatly affect me.  "I'm not an animal like the ones you have faced all your life," he said in a smaller voice, eyebrows furrowing.  "Now please, cooperate and handle yourself," he said in a serious tone, and for the first time, when his eyes met mine, he offered me a small smirk.  "You don't want to be sent to time-out now, do you? 

I sighed.  I knew that through all this chaos... I was probably acting like a real bitch.  But denial and selfishness is strong when something like this is sprung on me.  I needed to calm down - which was hard.  But I did and gave him a nod.  And when I did, the two agents proceeded to get up and leave.  After all, Jackson wanted to talk to me alone.  I didn't even understand why he was here in the first place!  Maybe he will explain it too.

When it was just us, I forced my eyes to him.  I looked over his wet and slicked hair back behind him, his powerful eyes, and his flat lips.  He stared at me... saying nothing for the longest time.  Taking me in, looking me over.  In curiosity, in wonder, before he spoke up.  A smirk returned back to his face and he looked down at the food tray on the table.  Which was missing a big fraction.  His smile grew when his eyes met mine. "Damn, do you always scarf it down like that?  You ate a lot."

I scowled at him slightly.  Was he not here when Ryder already pointed that out?  God.  "Yes... I did.  Do you have a problem with that, Honeybun?" I asked, putting emphasis on his last name. 

"Honeywell.  My name is Jackson Honeywell and don't you fucking try to mess with me," he said in warning yet with a calm voice.

Sighing, I sat forward more, arms resting on the table as I searched his eyes.  "Whatever. But before you start talking, I want to know who you are, why you are here, how you are connected to all this.  So don't mess with me," I said, pointing a finger at him.

"Before I say anything, I want you... to have a more open approach to this," he said with a dead voice. "If you don't have something nawing on your ass, there is no reason to act like a bitch.  Keep things in mind and understand this first.  Like we said.... this is for just a year, maybe a bit longer - we predict it will take that long to get Reid.  But this is not spending your life hidding.  You can come back when Reid is arrested and his people dismissed from his oh so charming duties."

I shook my head, sighing in defeat.  I didn't want to go; that was for damn sure!  I was so sure I didn't want to leave but I was still curious.  I knew I needed them to make their points because I needed to take Luke and his family's safety into deep consideration. I knew what I said before, about him coming with me... I wouldn't have wanted that for him, deep down.  He needed to be with his family.  "So this is just for a year?  And what would happen in this year, huh?  And I still don't know how you are involved man!"

Searching my eyes, he said, "I am someone that would act as your guardian of sorts.... The US Marshals check up on you personally from time to time and will always have a very discrete eye on you.  However, I am more hands on with you.  That's my job.  I travel with people that need to hide and help with their cover, their life, and I help manage to get you on your feet.  I would live in close proximity of you and - when it is time to come home after all is done -  I go onto my next case.  Easy enough for you to understand?  Or is this food still distracting you?" he asked me, pointing to the tray of food.  I glared at him.  How I would like to throw a cookie at his face....

His description of it didn't sound bad in all honesty; I never actually figured you had a guardian like him in this.  But I was still very skeptical. "Yes, easy enough.  I still don't want to do this," I said to him.  I mean... it didn't sound too bad.  What sounded bad was leaving and knowing I would be abandoning the people that have took care of me.  Abandoning Luke and knowing he would feel terrible.  But there were words that wouldn't stop running in my head. How Reid wouldn't stop unless he has me and that would mean if I stay, Luke would probably die....

All I could do was tell myself that there was no way this was happening.  Before... before I didn't even dare think about it.  I didn't actually consider this.  And even though I just said I don't want to do this, I felt a pressure building.  Knowing that this might actually be the only option if I wanted to stay safe and keep Luke safe with his family.  To leave my life with people I love to go live in secret with this dude as my neighbor didn't sound healthy in any way - for Luke too.

"You might want to consider everything before you make that decision," he said in a curt voice to me, staring at me and all it did was put me into deeper thought.  A state of mind where I knew I couldn't cross into just yet. 

I sat there for the longest time.  I didn't allow myself just yet to even ponder the issue over leaving Luke behind.  First, I needed to be calm.  Organized about this.  I took a deep breath after a steady stream of silence between us.  My god... I can't believe I was actually considering this.  "I am not leaving... until I speak to Luke about this.  I... I have to think about this.  But to even consider thinking it over, I want Luke here and I want him to know what is going on.  Like right now," I said in a deeper voice, one that I could feel filling with an anxiousness that I didn't quite understand yet.

He sighed and searched my eyes.  "I'm going to need Ryder or Moore to explain that to you!" he said, in a very loud voice and glancing towards the door.  So they apparently could hear him I realized.  In the next moment, I watched the door open and both agents came back in.... Jesus.  They were really on the other side of that door weren't they?  At least they kept their word....

"Honeywell?" Ryder looked down to him when he came to lean up against  the wall as Agent Moore sat back down next to Jackson.

"Yeah," Jackson said to them.  "She wants her stepfather to come in and hear this proposal we are making to her.  She doesn't have the balls to make a decision like this without her daddy," he said jokingly, coming back to stare at me.  Christ, I hated when people say Luke is my dad!  The thought of moving away with him as a neighbor was becoming more awful every second that man speaks.

Moore was the one that spoke up.  My eyes finding hers, I could feel my stomach flip within me.  Flip and turn and cause me own wave of hurt.  And it was only the first wave... especially when I heard what she had to tell me.  Her eyes were filled with sorrow in mine as she sweetly spoke to me.  No amount of sweetness would heal what she was forced to inflict.  "Listen um.... This is the harest thing you will probably have to accept.  Now, I need you to remember that if you don't take this offer, you will surely be taken by Reid.  We alone can't protect you.  You need to be in hiding and when you are.... you and your loved ones here will be safe.  However, you wanting your stepfather here right now... it can't happen."

"What do you mean it can't happen?" I asked in a disgusted voice.  What the hell was she trying to tell me?  Why couldn't I talk to Luke right now? 

She bit her lip, her professionalism slowly fading with what she had to tell me.  "If you accept this offer, which you really must.... we will have to leave tonight with you.  And you cannot have contact with your stepfather after this.  We can't call him in to discuss this right now because he cannot know about this; if he knows about this, Reid could easily know.  It's for safety reasons only.  You cant see him.  Because if you have contact with him, you are a brighter target.  Reid has him pinned, has him being followed.  And if you go back to that man today... you will get caugh.  Because wherever Luke will be... so will Reid, waiting in the shadows.  They are watching him dear and waiting for you to show up so they can take you.  And that means that they will kill Luke if he tries to protect you or stop them.  So... you can't go back.  You go back and you will be taken and he will die, sweetie.  That's why you need to do this.  That's why you can't discuss this with him.  We are truly sorry...."

***

I was out of that room before they could stop me.  And before I could hear one more terrible thing like that. How could this be possible?  How could one person deal with all this shit?  How could someone like me go through all I have and now have this to deal with? And yes... deal with.  I had to deal with this and I couldn't walk away.  I couldn't leave.  That was the truly painful part... knowing they were exactly right and I wouldn't be protected.  Luke couldn't protect me any more.  And he would die if he tried stopping them from taking me - which would happen.  That was something I couldn't let happen.  Especially if Reid is already sneaking around Luke and waiting for me to show up.  I couldn't do that to him... I couldn't do this to that poor family I already hurt so much.  But that would mean leaving.  And even worse... not facing him and telling him!  He would think I was taken, was killed, or abandoned him. God, I needed to just... just think.

That's why I was now sitting on the floor in a the hall, my back against the wall.  I told them very quickly before I left that I wasn't going anywhere and that I needed a minute.  So I was thankful they didn't hound me about it.  They gave me space to think and it was nice being the only one down this vacant hallway.  What wasn't nice... was everything I had to face about this whole thing. 

Thinking clearly... I would do it.  I would go, I would do this.  I honestly would.  I could go a year, hide, and even do it without Luke or his family.  It would be painful but it was just a year, maybe a bit more but that's all.  The thing that had me worked up though wasn't just the huge change it would bring.  It would be the fact that... Luke woudln't know where I was.  He would be scared, he would think Reid got to me, or he would think I abandoned him!  And it would feel as if I did if that's what I do!  But if I go back and see him, I would probably be grabbed.  They knew Reid was following him right now, today.  And...I had to realize it too.  It made sense.  Reid would go to who I am closest to and wait until I show up.  Not to mention how likely it was with what Luke was doing today too.  I mean, it was on the news that the cops were interigated the sheriff today; Luke would obviously be there!  So they knew where Luke was and they could follow him from there.  But either way... the fact was that Luke was being watched, monitered, like he was bait for me and he didn't even know it!  Dear fucking god!  

My legs were stretched out before me.  I was forced to pull one back though to my chest and use it to bury my head against.  Because I needed to with my hard breaths coming, with support for my throbing mind.  I felt ready to just throw up....  What should I do?  What should I do?  You stay, Luke will die and you will be taken.  You go, Luke could still potentially get hurt and he will think you abandoned him.  Yeah, yeah simple fucking choice, wasn't it guys?!  Taking deep breaths, trying to stop the shakiness they contained, I realized either way this would be incredibly painful.  Incredibly painful.  What would be better for Luke and his family?  What would be better for them?  That's all I could think about as I felt the edges of my heart burn and start to break.