Chapter 66

My hair was tightly wrapped up in a bun today. It wasn't just about my insecurity and all that bullshit that keeps me on edge. But it was also about keeping it out of my face today. Sweat would already be an annoying factor. After all, when Luke and I woke up at about 4:00a.m this morning and checked the weather, we knew we were in for a warm and terrible time. We would be working the whole time, digging and getting dirty. Yet... that was not at all a concern of mine. I didn't care about comfort in doing this. Because no matter if I don't sweat, don't work, it will still be incredibly uncomfortable. Mentally and emotionally. And when those two words come up for Albany Higgins, you know it will take a big fucking toll on me.

I wasn't sure if I was prepared for this or not. I understood fully what we were doing and accepted it. Accepted that today Luke and I would be digging up my half sister that was killed so many years back. I knew this would be added to the list of things that would be taking it's hit on me in the long run. The list that held such things like me killing people, the trauma of that mental hospital, the fear that came with everything about it too. This would hurt me. But it needed to be done finally. For finally bringing justice to my sister and, most important to our current situation, for needing this to put Clare away.

Luke was very anxious and worried this morning. However, I don't think it was over the emotional toll it was taking on him. With how he was watching me, looking at me with curious and scared eyes, I could see he was fearful of how this would affect me. Luke was very much aware of that list I had, of those things that are still hard for me to deal with. And he knew this would be a huge one. He even said so, just before we went into the garage to get in his dad's car and leave.

We were all set, ready to go. With Jack too, who we were taking to the station for the day (we got lucky some of the officers that were helping us agreed to keeping him in the back room of a station. Where nobody would find him; we didn't want to risk going over to Shannon's and dropping him off). We would be gone for a long while - all day and into the night so we needed Jack to be taken care of. That also meant bringing food, water bottles, extra shovels and tools too for us. Luke even made sure to bring his police belt, which he strapped around his waist; we didn't know if those people would come back or the monster itself (Clare). It was a very small chance because of the cops that will be in front of the house. But we needed to be as safe as we could with this.

He didn't wear his uniform with his belt. He was in jeans and a black muscle shirt I haven't seen him wear since last summer. It was called for today though - as was my black tank top I found of Jan's and my jeans I had before. Of course, that was for later. For now, we both had sweatshirts over it. Unfortunately, Luke suggested I remove my ring he gave me because we were going to get very dirty so I did. But I would never take off my necklace.

"Hey," he said in a soft voice from behind me as we were heading out towards the garage. We already had most of everything in the trunk. Now, it was just a few bags that we filled with a ton of food and what was even more water. Jack was following behind us, anxious to go for a ride. Upon Luke stopping me and grasping my arm with his free hand, I turned around to face him in the large hallway. His eyes were worried like they have been this whole morning. He finally voiced his issue that he has been quiet about this whole time. "I need to know something before we do this," he said in a gentle voice, one that matched his soft eyes.

I lowered my eyebrows, coming to fully face him now. I even set my bags I was holding on the floor and put my full attention on him because I knew this was a big deal, what he had to say. I stared up at him and waited as he too set his bag down and came to step forward, grasping my arms. "I didn't ask you. But are you okay doing this? And I mean seriously mentally capable of doing this?" he asked softly.

I swallowed hard at his words and sighed. I knew his words would be along those lines. I just wished they weren't because I was the last thing he should be worried about. "I will be fine. I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't bother me. I'm about to dig up my little sister," I said, looking down and pursing my lips. "But I won't abandon you in doing this. I will do this because I need to be capable and am. Because I owe this to my sister."

"How do you owe it to her?" he asked, his eyes sympathetically searching mine.

I internally cringed at the reminder. The reminder of the whole reason she is dead. But I wanted him to understand where I was coming from. "It was my fault she died. Clare killed her based on something stupid I did. Instead of beating me for my wrong doing, she took it out on Emily. So... it's basically my fault, no matter if you believe that. I want to finally be able to show her I'm sorry and how much I love her. And I need to do this for my sister," I said in a soft voice, offering Luke a small smile after I explained. "I owe it to her so I'm doing this right beside you."

He just stared at me for a few more moments, searching my eyes as he processed my words. Then, as we stood there, I watched a loving smile come to his lips, his hands on my arms squeezing in comfort. "You are so strong, Albany," he said softly. "You can finally take a break after all this is over and not have to worry. We are almost there... just a little further and we will both be free."

I nodded, smiling up to him. He was right. There was just this and getting answers from Clare. That's all it would be... and if Clare ran away like I think she did, that put us in even better shape. They would find her easily and we would be free. Seeing how much he was looking forward to that too, I moved closer to him and tilted my head up. I slowly moved up and connected my lips with his, cupping his cheeks in the process as I gave him a soft kiss. Which he happily responded to when I felt his lips move with mine back, his head tilted down. It broke a moment later and he smiled down to me.

"Good luck to you too," he said softly, brushing my arms with his finger tips.

I rolled my eyes up at him and picked the bags up. "Now you jinxed it, genius," I said, smiling to him as I grabbed the stuff and walked out into the garage, hearing him snicker behind me. I could only hope bursts of humor like that could get me by today. Because despite this because a very sad and very serious thing, I felt him or maybe just his smile would make it better. It would be nice, to maybe talk or stay distracted that way while doing this. After all, the last thing we really needed was to think things over as we did this. We would talk, maybe chuckle. Not out of disrespect. But out of need. Lord knows we can only take so much, even if I owed this to her.

***

Apparently, either for our own peace of mind or for more safety, Luke managed to get two more officers to sit outside the front of the house when we stopped at the station to drop off Jack. Which I saw was already in place when we pulled up in his dad's car at our house: four cop cars lined up along the road in front. Luke also told me he took extra measures to have one cop stationed on the other side of these woods, in case someone wanted to bare that long walk up to our house. A house... which looked nearly unrecognizable.

I was never attached to this house; only by memory and hate really because this is where I grew up. But an eerie and sad feeling came over me at seeing the house. Beyond the yellow police tape, the house remained in ruins. I knew the police did their best to clean up what they could. But this was also seen as a crime scene or at least treated like one. Nothing was repaired and it might be because it wasn't their job. Maybe because the owner - Clare - didn't give the authority to have it cleaned up.... I didn't know to be honest with you. It was just very evident then how much of a miracle it was that both of us got out that night, especially Luke.

The windows were blown out, some pieces of glass still present along some of the edges of the windows. Even more clear was all the bullet holes in the side of the house and the worn down look it gave the place. Debris laid along the front yard and driveway. Like roof tiles, dirt, glass, pieces of wood I had to guess were from the porch being shot at too. I was happy the sight of the front didn't last too long though. As we pulled up in the car, since Luke had just talked to the officers that were here over the radio, all Luke had to do was wave to them and they gave the okay back. And when they did, Luke turned off the road and into the grass of our yard. Only he slowly moved the car around the side of the house and into the backyard. After all, all our shit was with us in the car and we didn't want to go back in the front for whatever means, police there or not. It was wide open to the road and wide open all together. At least back here, there were just trees, one side of the fence, and no more. And knowing how far back theses trees go, nobody would come at us from back here if that was an option.

"Should we check the house before we start? Just to be safe?" I asked him, looking away from the bare and green yard and the house to Luke. Who I noticed appeared calm so far, which was good. I wasn't on edge either. It was the crack of dawn and nobody was up, nobody would suspect us here at this point (or at all hopefully).

He shook his head when he glanced over to me. "I had them already do a full search of the house. And knowing how thorough they are, we are good."

I nodded, which was relieving. We couldn't pussyfoot around with this crap. We needed to take advantage of our time in getting here very early and start working. And... we did. Luke parked the car on the right side of the yard - where we were certain Emily wouldn't be. After all, we narrowed it down well enough. When proposing putting a pool in, we showed Clare the blueprint. She said, under pressure, that the pool would look better on the right more. Instantly, we knew that Emily was within the left side of the circle of where the pool was drawn out. The body must have crossed that circle on if Clare said to move it to the right a bit. So that gave us a good idea of where it could be. And if it wasn't there, we would just keeping digging on the left side until we find her. She couldn't be too far down, right?

In the early light of the morning, after we pulled out all the shovels, Luke pulled out the blueprint from his pocket and looked it over. He was trying to picture it in scale with the yard. And as he looked at it, I watched as he grabbed an orange can of spray paint from the back of the car and near where I was standing in the yard.

When he got to me, he looked up from the paper and looked around the yard. We were in the left part, where we knew we would be digging. Luke wanted to draw lines through where we should dig. After all, we wanted to do it within the edge of that circle that was on the map of the backyard. Which Luke concluded was a few feet from us. Coming to my side, he tilted the sheet towards me. "Does it look like we should draw the line down the yard here," he asked as he made a vertical motion with his hand to a few feet to our right. "Do you believe that looks similar to where the edge of the pool is on the sheet?" he asked me.

Looking it over and the yard at the same time, I completely agreed and nodded up to him. And the moment I did, he gave a nod back before he walked to the edge of the property and walked back near me. Only in a straight line and heading towards the house and not me. When he was a few feet within where the pool was drawn, he started spraying the ground with orange paint as he walked, crossing where the left side of the pool was on the sheet. When he finished after a few yards and where the circle was on the page in relation to the ground, he came back to me. He pointed at the line. "We dig left of this line for a few feet out. And if nothing, we go left a couple more feet until we hit her," he said, his eyes falling onto me. And as I thought about it, it made sense. And it seemed like a good plan.

I nodded up to him and gave him a complementing smile. "Good work officer," I said, patting him on the back of his shoulder. "How many feet down?"

"Well I try," he said, smirking down to me. "And I would say three for now."

With that, we headed back towards where we laid the shovels down. And when we grabbed them and went back to that line, we began. We started at the line, spearing the ground with the points of the shovels when we pushed it in. Both of us in boots and tennis shoes, we were ready for work and we went strong. It was a simple pattern. Push the shovel into the dirt with your foot and throw the dirt you took out of the way. We were efficient with it too just as the sun began to rise. It lit up behind us as we dug, highlighting the ground beneath our feet. We went deeper with each shovel-full, the silence already between us.

That silence was in part because of this was a sad event. But like I said before, I didn't want it to be that way. We both needed a distraction. Especially after an hour of this too. Yes, that's right. An hour of this and we were both sweating already as the sun rose. We already took off our sweat shirts. Setting them on the ground - a ground on which seemed to be rising slowly at a time as we were digging deep and in from the actual hole. Three feet was a lot more than it sounded - and it sure piled up on the lawn when we threw the dirt out of the way behind us. But it was a sound, dirt falling and shovels spearing the Earth, that I was already tried of.

"Luke?" I asked, my eyes down on my work beneath my feet. I was digging down more straight from where the line was, making it even before I turned back to digging before me once more. It was back breaking labor and this shit was already making me sweat heavily. When I glanced to Luke too, I noticed he was sweating more from the last time I looked over to him. You can thank that to the warm weather and the work we were doing.

"Yeah?" he asked in a breath, glancing over to me as he continued digging, not slowing down. And neither did I. We were both going at a steady pace - not too fast or too slow.

I smiled softly, looking back to my work before me. "What's in Hawaii that's so special?" I asked, smirking. That was a good distraction. Talking about our upcoming vacation. We were so close to freedom... it would be nice to know what we could look forward to. It was a nice thought during this dark moment we were sharing right now.

I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. "Well, the main thing would be relaxing by the beach. I planned on getting us a suite at this highly recommended hotel on the beach. It's beautiful there and I know you can swim with dolphins, go snorkeling, and we could visit all these different waterfalls they have there. It's a beautiful place," he said, making me grin widely at just picturing that. Throwing another pile of dirt behind me as he did, I could see us laying together on the beach or swimming, exploring a place so beautiful. But something crucial to the whole thing came to my mind.

"Will there be a breakfast buffet at the hotel?" I asked.

He laughed, and I looked over to his amused grin as some moist droplets started to form more along his eyebrows and forehead. His eyes met mine for a small second, filled with love and humor. "If there is no breakfast buffet, we will go to another hotel. Got it?"

I smiled. "Good. What else is there?"

"We could visit the volcanoes there. There is a national park there that looked really neat," he said.

Wiping away a bead of sweat along my hair line, I raised an eyebrow at him. "That would be sweet," I nodded, looking back down. I mean... fucking volcanoes? I would be excited just to go for a walk in Hawaii. As my mind got lost in this place that sounded so nice, I shoved the metal end of the shovel into the dirt again, digging deeper. With us working with the same area, we were getting it done faster than I thought and were close to three feet in the little circle that formed around where we were working. "I might not want to leave, it sounds like so much fun. But do you know if there would be any zoos?" I asked, concentrating on the ground. We were getting close to three feet we saw when quickly measuring. From here, we could branch out and make everything match what we did thus far.

"Zoos?" he replied in an outraged voice. "I get tickets to Hawaii and you want to go to a fucking zoo?"

"I mean, I never went to a zoo before. And I'm sure it would kick ass in comparison to the zoos here. They would probably have different animals in addition to all the regular ones," I said, smiling at my stupid words. That just sounded retarded, I knew, but he got what I meant.

"Regular ones, huh?" He scoffed and his smile turned loving when I glanced to him while he kept digging as I did. "Fine. We can go to the zoo there."

***

We talked about Hawaii for a while longer until it strayed to other topics. Other topics that had nothing to do with digging up a body. I think Luke understood what I was trying to do when talking about stuff that held no importance to what our mission was today. I even think he liked it and it helped his mind stay distracted too.

We talked, even when further away from each other. After all, we both had a huge area we needed to dig up. So I went towards the house more along the line and he went out more; we got more done that way and we still talked. It wasn't until the sun was up and Luke told me the time - which was 10 in the morning - that I could see how much progress we already were making. We had dug out a few feet from the line, and down three feet. We needed to do more but it was a great start considering how much work needed to be done. And about two hours later, when we decided to take a break, one we needed very badly, we had lunch and took our time. We were making good time but we were hungry and thirsty as all hell (even though we have been downing water bottles throughout this whole time). We were also incredibly sore and warm.

We grabbed the bag we packed the food and, after first dousing our sweaty faces with the hose attached to the house, away from where we were digging, we sat down in the grass on the other side of the yard. We sat down close to where the car was, where we weren't digging, and where Emily's body wasn't. Sitting in the shade of the car, we pulled out chips and sandwiches and started to eat.

If you think about it like I did after a moment of eating through, it was actually very disturbing - to me at least. We appeared to casually eat lunch, sitting and taking a break. Eating and drinking before we would go back and start digging again, looking for Emily's body. For a body, not buried treasure guys. Most would assume treasure with how calm we were. After all, this was a huge deal, a turning point, and a very sad day at the same time. I knew that if we were normal people who go through normal experiences, we wouldn't be this calm. We wouldn't be this casual. We wouldn't be eating lunch and drinking normally like we were having a fucking picnic. If we were normal, if our minds weren't warped from all that's happen, we would have been shaky and more nervous. Now yes, we were nervous and I knew the shaky part would come. But if we were normal... we wouldn't handle it like we are now. Of course, that was now at noon. Lord knows how shook up we will be later, when we dig deeper where Emily probably is, and when we find her.

We ate in silence as I thought that over. And because I finished way before Luke, I sighed and laid my head down in his lap. Call me crazy but it was just nice... to rest and stretch out like that before we get back to work. I was sore and no harm either if he was just eating.

My cheek pressed against his thigh, my eyes stared off to where our digging site was. I bit my lip and sighed. "Do you think we are going to find her?" I asked, looking over the area that has been dug up so far. No sign of her yet. Of course, there was a lot left to dig up - a few more feet beyond that orange line. But so far nothing.

When I looked up to him, Luke nodded down to me after he took a sip of water. His eyes met mine. Setting the water bottle down, he sighed in return. "We will find her body. She is here," he said, looking out over the yard.

The more I thought about it, the more doubtful I became. "What if Clare dug her up?" I asked in a scared voice.

"She didn't," he said strongly, nodding down to me. "That's too stupid, even for her. Sweetie," he said, cupping my face. "She is here. We will get her body. I'll dig up this whole damn yard before I believe the body isn't here."

I sighed, nodding up to him as I continued to rest my head in his lap of outstretched legs before him. He was probably right; her body had to be here. If Clare dug her up and put her somewhere else, that would be another big risk. The body was hidden well from people on this property. But anywhere else, someone would stumble upon it eventually. It wouldn't be like her to dig the body up; she was way too paranoid.

He continued to eat as I gently closed my eyes, letting myself rest against him. Stretched and cooling down.... My body dreaded going back to work, especially my poor back. "You should force those lazy ass cops to help us," I sighed, wiping more sweat away from my face and the dirt mixed in with it.

He scoffed from what I could hear. It was nice just keeping my eyes closed. "I told you, they can't. We are lucky they are here to begin with and sitting out front. But maybe we could force the neighbors into helping; it's not like they are doing anything important," he said, making my lips tilt up slightly.

I heard him continue to eat and I opened my eyes, looking up at him and his jaw moving as he chewed. His soft eyes lowered and found mine, head tilting to look at me straight on, making me smile. My next words were automatic. "What are we going to do after all this is over?" I asked in a whisper. It just came to my head... something that I knew I could look forward to as well.

"We are going to be happy. We are going to get a new house, and live happily ever after," he said in a dead and purposefully depressing voice that made me laugh, even though I knew behind that voice was the truth. I did raise a brow at him.

"What makes you think I want to continue living with you? After all, I can move out after this," I teased. "I'm 18."

"Because I'm too good to just leave," he said as he finished eating and took a drink of water. Leaning up slightly, off his thigh as I knew we needed to get back to work, I leaned up and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, rubbing the back of his neck as I searched his eyes.

"That might be true copper. But keep in mind, if I stay, I'm going to eat all your food. You will have to share your bed too, and most of all you will have to put up with my awesomeness too if I stay - which can be sometimes too much. So yeah, you're lucky you are 'too good' otherwise you would be lost without me," I said and though we were teasing, my heart sped up because I knew it was the truth. I mean, Luke and I, from the time we knew each other always lived together. Not by choice. But this time, it would be because we wanted to. It would have been different if we never lived with each other before but we did and to me, that made it acceptable. I can only imagine how wonderful that will be. Of course... all after this hell is over with.

***

Earlier today, we teased. We talked in order to distract us. We had light conversations and we didn't let the situation pull our moods down. And why? Because we knew it would happen anyway, and we wanted to avoid it. Now, there was no avoiding the hurt I began to feel as the day continued and the sun moved through the sky more, nearing the horizon.

It was a huge shift in the air. A huge change in the atmosphere and in both of us. It became no talking, no nothing but digging. I think it was because we either sensed we would hit the body any time now or because the reality of what was happening was finally hitting home. Either way, I knew our work paid off. We dug up three feet in nearly every direction it looked like - almost all of the left side of the line where we thought she was. And realizing she must be deeper under what we already dug up brought a thicker air to the already dense surroundings.

I felt the opposite of earlier. I was worried and my heart was pounding; I couldn't explain it well. But... as we tried digging another foot under what we did, knowing she was deeper, I became almost scared. I suppose because she was always a sensitive subject for me to talk about. And to know that this was coming close was making me shaky, making me anxious. We were close and any moment, we could hit her body. I could only imagine how that would feel... if I hit her with my shovel. Would I hit the garbage bag? Would it feel soft in a different way from the dirt? Or would it be hard... like digging into her little baby bones? She was my baby sister. And it hit me hard unlike earlier. No distractions as the will to find her grew, knowing she was close. She had to be so close now....

Luke and I were both covered in dirt and a massive amount of sweat. Every time I looked over to him, as time passed, I saw he was anxious too. After all, we wanted to get this done before dark hopefully. And as the orange light began casting over him and me, I knew it moved him to work to dig harder along where we already dug, moving from three feet to four feet down.

After a long time of no words and nothing but thick silence, sad silence, he finally asked me, "You doing okay?" he asked, probably noting the increase in my sadness over my face. Biting my lip, I only nodded and continued to dig deeper, only glancing to him for a moment. It wasn't the time to get wrapped up in everything. I needed to be strong and I will be.

"I'm okay," I swallowed thickly. It really sucked. Before, all I could do was distract myself, talking to him and thinking about our wonderful future. Now, my dark thoughts were unavoidable at the feeling that she was close. I could just picture her sweet face, her smooth skin, and her bright eyes. Innocent and loving eyes that were so unfairly taken from her. I dug harder, more and deeper, as if I could get her back, have her life back. As if I could get my baby sister back. I wanted to see her face, her long pretty hair. I wanted to hear her voice. She was here somewhere! I know she is here. I needed to find her... to see her face and feel her hug me.

Albany... Albany. I imagined her little light voice in my head. I forced myself to replay her voice. Even after all this time, I could still remember how she sounded. I coaxed my thoughts into telling myself to keep going with her voice too. Because I could feel my numb arms want to stop, my sore back tired to the point of pain. I felt so sweaty, dirty, tired, and sore. And my brain felt fried after doing this all day and heading towards night.

"You can slow down a bit," he said, walking up to where we were in this deep pit. We were both working on it now. It was just one huge wide pit and she was in it somewhere. We just needed to go deeper. Our vision was still clear above ground by a long shot. "Albany," he whispered beside me. He didn't try to stop me though as I continued, digging deeper and harder. And with each pile of dirt I pulled up, I just wanted her to be under it. I wanted her to be alive and okay. I was just picturing her little hand popping out and finding mine so I could pull her out.

"I'm okay," I said in a rough breath that was coming in and out much faster. I didn't spare him a look. I kept staring down at the work before me. "She is so close," I said, watching the dirt that was lit by the setting sun give me hope in helping me spot her. Her skin, her hair... something. I was so far lost in my mind and thoughts of getting her, I didn't let myself recall that this was happening well over a decade after she died.

I was right in what I said to Luke. Because after he saw there was no use in trying to stop me, in seeing I needed to do it like this, he went back to dig in his spot, feeling worried and helpless no doubt. He knew this was my outlet and he couldn't stop it. Which was good because if he had, I wouldn't have discovered what I did as soon as I had too.

The music of the day consisted of the same sound of just shuffling dirt. But a new note came. A new sound. And it was that or either a echoing crunch or rip under the surface after I plunged the metal into the earth. I hit something. Something that made me pause for the first time in my hectic and nearly panicked state.

Slowly, I raised the pile of dirt that fell over my shovel, and I dumped that dirt on my other side. I saw nothing in it... but I saw something more than important when I turned back to where I was digging. A shred, a little peak, of black sticking out of the ground. Black.... like a garbage bag.

It was enough to make me collapse to my knees. My breath so loud, I felt myself even whimper as I scrambled along the dirt to where the black was that was peaking from the dirt. Taking wheezy breaths, I gradually with shaky hands moved the dirt out of the way, brushing it away. Brushing it away from where that black thing was sticking out. And though my hands felt numb and were shaky, I touched whatever this black material was when more entered my sight. It felt like elastic but it was hard, hard with dirt buried into the material it looked like. But I knew what it was. It was a very old trash bag.

Everything was out of my mind. Everything besides Emily. Clare, those people after me, all my problems, even Luke was out of my mind. I just needed to get Emily - and she was right here. I could feel myself breathing hard as I forced myself to be delicate. I brushed away more dirt, digging deeper along the sides with my bare hands with me on my knees.

"I knew you were here," I head myself say in distress as I uncovered more of the black bag. More of it's hard, it's old, material. I was careful - and I don't know how with my panicked state. But I was and I gently dug up around the whole thing, not pulling it or touching it much yet. But I kept going, until it was fully in sight. The whole discovery was such a blur really. But now, coming into focus as I stared down at it, the next moment was one I will not forget for the rest of my life.

My throat became thick right away, too fast for my comfort. As pathetic as it is... I wanted to sob. Out of being scared to see what was in the bag and out of already knowing. I wanted to cry for my sister and hold her body to me. I wanted to hold her to me. I wanted to cry but I was stronger than that. I knew I was, even if I started to shake more at looking down at the worn bag. As it turned out, I didn't need to look in that bag. I was cautious to do anything. For the longest moment, I just... kneeled there. Stunned really after all that rush to uncover it. My mind was blank, my thoughts nothing but a useless circle.

I found you.... I found you, Emily. And... it was an astonishing moment. A surreal one. My mind took me back through all those moments growing up. All those times I would cry for her as a kid, try to talk to her in my dreams. All those times I thought about her and wondered what happened. Where she was in this yard. It was a constant bother - wondering where exactly Clare put her. I always wanted to know just out of simple comfort. Whether to try to bust my mom or just to sit by where she was buried and talk to her. I always wondered. Now, I finally got an answer. Because I finally have her, see her disgusting and unacceptable resting place.

A shaky breath, deep and long, escaped me as I moved. I finally, and carefully, with slow hands pressed my palms down over the bag. Pressing the hard material of the bag down to feel what was inside, careful so the fragile material wouldn't rip. Seeing the material bend around the object of what was inside, my hands did the same - they shaped around what I could feel. And what I felt... made my stomach heave, hard back and forth, as if I could sob at any second now.

What I felt was... was something hard. My hands curving and shaping around it, I knew it was a bone. I could feel how hard it was, the long shape of it, how I could wrap my hand around it. And when I let my shaking hand travel up that hardness, I felt something hard that was bigger. More bones... Bones. Longer bones, ones large, ones with a different thickness or shape. Just in that touch and I could feel it. The bones of my baby sister. Her bones that once contained her sweet life that our mother took away from her.

Running my hand along it, I quickly removed my hand at that feeling - at now knowing this was her. Not because I was grossed out. Because I needed it to cup over my gasping mouth, my breath picking up and becoming too fast. Whether that was what drew Luke's attention or what I did before, I felt him kneel down next to me. I had a feeling he watched all this take place.

He rested a hand on my back and he no doubt could feel tremors rip through my body. I wanted to cry but I can't right now, even if I wanted to. But that didn't mean I wasn't fully taken over by this. I heard Luke say something but it never reached my brain. I just bit my quivering lip and returned my hand to the bag. "Emily," I said in a rough voice as I allowed my body to slump down in the dirt. To slump down and lay on my side next to the old bag that held her little body. It was instinct just to lay there and wrap my arm around the bag, as strange as that sounded. I didn't even think about it. I just laid there and cradled the bag that was my sister's grave.

"I'm so sorry!" I belted out through my cracked voice, chest turning over with a lump in my throat. I could just picture her beautiful face. Her sweet eyes unable to stay open as her own mother shoved her in this bag. And as I recalled her, imagined her sweet face in that bag, I felt a tear or two escape me. The feeling that sent shocks of pain, sparks of heat up me... it made me react more. It made me grasp her subconsciously more to me, making it crunch slightly as I held it. And that only made a few more silent tears escape me, biting back a whimper.

I could feel the dirt under my cheek catch my tears, turning it wet. And to be honest, it was a minor miracle I wasn't sobbing like a fucking baby right now. I didn't know how to prepare for this, I wasn't ready to uncover my baby sisters body. I wasn't ready to face what I did. What I caused. I don't know why but I was so torn up at that moment. It led to my deep breaths coming in faster as I pressed myself closer, shaking as I held her. But I never let out my sob, even if more tears did fall.

Luke managed to goad me into allowing him to pull me up against him. I took a deep breath and sucked it up, wiping away my tears and the dirt that stuck to it. I shook my head as Luke made me come to face him. His eyes looked caressing and full of sorrow at the same time, taking me in lovingly. "It's okay to cry right now if you want," he said softly, cupping my cheek and brushing my face soothingly.

"I don't want to yet," I said in a thick voice, swallowing and taking a few more deep breaths. But it didn't help much as more tears slipped from my eyes upon looking back to the bag. "Crying never helped her. Clare just... shoved her in there like nothing and didn't even answer her cries," I said in a disgusted voice, my voice breaking as my stomach shook.

He pulled my body into his warm grasp at hearing my words, wanting to hold me. Thank fucking heaven too because it helped me. A lot. I wrapped my arms around his neck and took deep and shaky breaths, calming myself down with the help of his scent. "It's okay," he whispered against my ear, holding our dirty and gross bodies close to each other, his hands on my back. "Her cries didn't go unanswered. Because you always heard them and were there for her. Even after she was gone. And Emily knows that. She knows that and you are her hero," he said in a light soft voice, running his hand up and down my back.

I sighed, resting my tired and shaky body against him more, holding him in my arms and me in his. Sighing, I took deep breaths until I felt more calm, his sweet scent even helping in that area. I calmed myself and told myself he was right. Because he was right and I did hear her cries. I heard her pain and heard it echo in my head after her death. I kept telling myself everything was okay now. I kept telling myself that over and over - that everything is okay now. It was still a struggle to keep my sob back. Everything is okay. Oh how ironic it was....

Sighing, biting my lip as I held him to me, he spoke softly. "Are you okay? You can wait in the car while I handle this," he said, moving me back so I could look in his eyes. He brushed a few stray hairs from my bun back with his caressing large hands, matching his dirty skin. I smiled softly to him. God... what a bipolar fucking day for me.

Running a hand along his sweaty forehead too, we both ended up looking down at the bag. Where my sister lied. And, even still, I felt sick looking at it. But I pursed my lips, staring down in thought at it. Until, something caught our attention. Something that made my stomach turn, my chest and heart come crashing down. And I felt even more sick.

Luke was the first one to become stiff I could feel. And when his head whipped to the side, in a direction of the shadows near the house more, I followed his gaze. And how I wished it was a moment later; my heart could only take so much this fast. And I wasn't capable of what was before me now. Wasn't able to process it with how relieved I felt a second ago. Now, that relief vanished in a blink. My own eyes widened in pure terror. Pure terror and hatred and overwhelming fear and sadness.

Clare stood at the edge of the huge ditch we dug, a gun planted in her hand and pointed at us. Her face... stone. Stone with superiority plastered across her face. It made my own pale as I stared at her, knowing this was more than a nightmare. This was fucking hell itself because she wasn't alone as she stood there, in the light or the bright setting sun.

There was a man standing beside her. Very professional looking at that. He didn't hold a gun. He in fact had his arms around his back casually, his eyes observant as he looked over Luke and I both. I never saw him before in my life either. Brown hair slicked back, he was dressed in formal wear, his matching brown eyes looking between us. Even more so, I noticed how calm and still he was, this man who looked to be in his mid to late 30s. Whether he was 30, 90, or a scary monster, regardless... I felt all my hopes and dreams wash down the drain with the color of my face, with the comfort I had.... That comfort I had for that one moment, knowing it was all over. Now, here she was with this dude. How the hell did she even manage to get back here past the cops? It looks like she and that guy came from the front too!

Of course, at this point, Luke was fast enough to have pulled his gun out the second he saw them. And though he was pointing it at Clare, she and the man standing next to her didn't look worried. No... not in the slightest. Seeing they felt no threat in Luke's action of aiming his gun, somehow, I felt even worse. But just when I thought in that second that I hit bottom, I didn't. Not until I saw what else was in store.

Before Clare even spoke, I felt in my bones, deep in my being, that this just wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop until we are dead. By the looks of her smug and determined face, I knew... with near certainty, that Luke and I would probably die tonight. And it burned a hole deep in my heart. Because it just wasn't acceptable, couldn't happen. We had a future together and she was about to tear it to pieces. Yet... we held no control. Especially with what happened next.

"Oh darling... I wouldn't do that," Clare said, nodding towards his gun Luke was pointing at her. She offered him her puppy dog fake face. "You don't want my loving brother-in-law to suffer now do you?" she asked in a caring voice, her cold stone eyes caressing her husband who was kneeling next to me, tense and holding that gun towards her. We watched her lips tilt up in a menacing smile when she spoke, confusing us. Until we saw what she was talking about.

There were three more men present when we looked up more from our little pit; they came from the shadows near the woods. And though we were in a pit, we could see the side of the house. Which was where they were coming from in the woods it seemed. Coming into view, one unfamiliar face was holding a gun. The other unfamiliar face was standing next to him. And the familiar face made my heart ache and made me want to kill them all.

The man with the gun was pointing it into Francis's back. Francis's body though... looked beat up. Bound. They had wrapped a long piece of fabric around his mouth so he couldn't speak. His hands were tied in front of him too with tight material that looked similar to rope.

"Oh god," I choked out, my eyes laying on Francis and I felt so sick. So incredibly sick... knowing we were all trapped. Knowing we could all very easily die tonight. And because of me. Because of my bullshit problems. Because of me... my worst possible reality was happening.

"What do you fucking want?" Luke hissed at Clare. It took a minute to speak though. I couldn't dare a look to Luke but I knew he hated seeing his brother tied up with a gun pointed at his back. I could hear it in his voice.

"That's no way to speak to your wife," Clare said, smiling back to him. After a moment, of looking down at us like dogs, I saw a hint of emotion filter through her face. Of sorrow when she looked at Luke. Then, she hid it in hate and said, "What do you think I want?"

When Luke didn't answer and when I didn't either, she spoke again in a hard voice. "I want you both dead," she said, nodding towards Luke. Just as she was about to continue, I felt Luke move slowly, grabbing my arm and moving in front of me, still holding the gun towards Clare. But he moved me behind him, arm gripping mine to stay put. I felt his legs shuffle and he moved into the line of Clare's gun, moving in front of me. I felt ready to throw up. Especially after his next word, so loving and heart breaking.

"If we die, we die with me before her," he said in a scratchy voice, glaring at Clare. And with me behind him for the most part, I felt his hand on mine squeeze. And I was already protesting. There was no way I was going to accept his words. With the little say I had at the moment, I was speaking up now.

"No," I shook my head, trying to move back to his side. "No," I whined, swallowing hard and shaky as I finally took my eyes from them and looked up to Luke. "I want to die beside you," I whispered, a tear slowly crawling down my cheek as my eyes met in his. Oh... his beautiful eyes I fell in love with. I wanted to die looking into those eyes. I didn't want him to block me, to go down first. I didn't want him to do that for me, as my protector. I wanted to leave this world with him as the love of my life, not my protector. I forced myself to his side, holding his hand in mine, his other still pointing the gun.

"Oh how fucking sweet," she said in a low voice, shaking her head in annoyance and disgust. Rolling her eyes, she spoke again. "I didn't finish, you idiots," she growled down to us. "I said I want you both dead. Unfortunately, that's not an option," Clare hissed, eyes set on Luke. "I am going to personally kill my husband. And I can thank you for already supplying me with a grave for you, honey" she said, indicating this wide pit we dug.

My eyes widened. That couldn't mean how I heard it, right? My stomach filled with nails and needles, hearing her say that to Luke. Because I knew that's what would happen if we couldn't stop it. What was worse... was that I wasn't including in that fate from how it sounded. She kills him... what happens to me? Why can't I die with him?

"What are you going to do with her?" Luke asked in haste, not even caring about what Clare said. He was more worried about my fate. And if it was true, that only one of us was dying (strangely which was confusing) that meant I was staying alive. But how? How and why me? It made no sense! Just let my death lie with Luke's.... It was so much, too fast, and no opinion to process this one. It was just... going to happen.

For the first time, someone besides Clare spoke up. It was the professionally dressed man standing beside her. His face long, eyebrows bushy, he moved his hands from behind his back and clasped them before him. He stood tall, in control, and in strict character. This guy's eyes calmly found mine and he even gave me a nod. "You are coming with me," he spoke, his voice husky and blank.

"What do you mean I'm coming with you?!" What? That can't be right! None of this made sense. None of it. I mean... I get Clare wanting to kill Luke. But why do I live? Why? This grave was big enough for me too. She's wanted me dead this whole time. Oh god. God. Why us? We were so close. So close too. So close to living our lives together, free, and happy. So fucking close.

I stared daggers at him, the man with a blank face. Until he answered me, making this whole thing even more crazy. Even more impossible. Making us both even more doomed. "You are coming with me. You can thank your generous father for that," he said, offering me a menacing look.

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Big chapter - took literally all day to do this one. So I hope you enjoyed! We are nearing the end but I'm excited we are nearing the start of my third book of this series as well - it's going to be very very different ;)