Chapter 52

"I... suppose I should start from the beginning," Steven sighed, his eyes lingering in mine.  It was like he owed me this.  Like it was now his job to tell me because I deserved to know.  That was partially true.  He needed to tell us.  I was ready to bitch slap it out of him, I was so anxious to know.

I nodded and the doctor... just sat there for a long moment.  His eyes never left mine; he just stared at me and down into my depths with those endless dark pools.  Eyebrows curved down in distress, he spoke directly to me.  And he told me everything I wanted to know to make this trip here... very much worth it.

"Your mother came to me when she got pregnant at 17 with... your sister.  You were just a little one, I remember," he said to me, offering me the ghost of a smile but it was gone fast....  And with it, came my own reaction.  Christ he was just starting, and my heart was already beating faster than I thought possible after only a minute of this.

When he spoke of my sister, of Emily, I felt my heart drop out from my chest first of all.  My breath picked up with a hitch. I mean, I knew that it was coming; there were documents starting that much.  It was still almost like a shock though when he said it.  Confirming she existed, that I wasn't crazy, that it meant that a body also existed in the backyard.

"Do you know who the father was?" Luke spoke up after Steven here paused before going on, as if sorting out his thoughts when his eyes fell to the floor.  Almost in reluctance.  I couldn't blame him really.  But upon hearing Luke's question, he glanced up and met his eyes.  He gave a sincere and sorry answer. 

"No," he shook his head and said quietly.  "She wouldn't tell me.  Clare did tell me though that he was gone and she never really would speak anymore of him.  If I personally had to guess, it was probably some guy that went to school with her and knocked her up," he sighed honestly, cringling slightly at the though.  I would have had a good quip for that one if my mind wasn't already spinning.   

After he answered Luke, his eyes went back to me where I was sitting on the edge of the couch and straining my attention immensely, wanting to memorize every word this guy was telling us.  My elbows on my knees as I sat, Steven looked just as on edge.  Of course, it was most likely out of nervousness and being shook up from telling us this. 

"I was... 29 at the time," he continued and looked slightly pained.  "It wasn't the first time I took on a pregnant teenager.  It was the first time though that I actually started to feel a connection though.  She was so... broken it seemed.  And helpless; I wanted to help her so bad.  She was living on her own with you and nobody to help her.  So... I helped her through her pregnancy not just as her doctor, but as a friend."

I scoffed and said under my breath in a murmur, "You should have realized there was a reason she had no other friends," I said when I looked down before back up to him.  His lips were pursed and eyes... almost begging in mine. 

"I felt sorry for her," doc continued as he explained to me.  "She... isolated herself during her pregnancy and would never go out in public.  She was depressed and I helped her through it.  I even recall needing to make a number of house calls because she didn't want to come into my doctrors office and have me check on the baby."

"Maybe she just didn't care," I pointed out after he said the reason could be because she was depressed.  "Maybe because it was too late for her to get an abortion and--" my voice started to rise at him as I could feel my nerves stick on end.  However, I felt a strong pressure coming from my arm on my side that made me cut my words off.  When I glanced over to find Luke's hand squeezing my arm in warning, I met his warning eyes that told me I needed to calm down.  That I couldn't flip out on this guy no matter how bad it gets.  I reminded myself of that as I shook off his grip and sighed, looking back to the doctor who looked even more tense.  His eyes never left mine.

There was a long moment of pure silence before I watched the doctor swallow and clear his throat before continuing.  "Um, there was less documenting for her pregnancy because she sometimes wouldn't come in so I needed to come to the house.  But even more so when it came to her delivery.  Because she couldn't make it to the hospital.  I had to race to the house... and I delivered her baby in her bedroom." 

I was hanging on every moment and curve of his mouth as he spoke.  I could hear my breath pick up slightly and bit my lip as I met his eyes.  He looked even worse than before.  He was sweating and his face looked a little red. He looked even older than he had before - with the story he was telling in his eyes and the way he appeared incredibly uncomfortable. 

"I don't... remember that," I said quietly, trying to go as far back as I could... and recall that happening.  He said he made some house calls and at thinking over it, I could faintly recall him there.  Tending to her in her room and even helping her around the house a little.  After all, she was a slob.  That would turn out to be my job in no more than a few years. 

Steven offered a slight smile to me and his eyes softened.  "I imagine not. I delivered the baby in the middle of the night.  I remember, you slept through the whole thing.  Clare wasn't too loud surprisingly.  However, you were loud when you found out you missed it.  Little you... pissed off you missed your baby sister being born.  You were incredibly protective of her, even before she was born I remember.  It wasn't normal," he said.

Yeah, because I was afraid Clare would abuse her... I thought. I wanted to tell him everything that was wrong with this but couldn't bring myself to.  I wanted to hear more.  I was so intrigued... and the thing was I knew he was telling us the truth.  I wanted him to tell me every last detail.  Not just because we needed answers.  It was as if I wanted him to tell me everything he remembered about me, Clare, and Emily.  After all, I was so young, I barely recall anything that happened around that time.

He went on.  "After Emily was born," he said, making chills run along my arms at hearing her name, "I was her doctor.  I was certified in many fields and your mother wanted me to be the baby's doctor.  So your mom and your sister were both under my care.  We turned out to be great friends as years passed.  We would go out and have fun once in a while.  I wasn't around the house much anymore like when I was when she was pregnant.  But when I did see you, and even from the beginning, you would always tell me these crazy stories....." He said, looking a little amused.  "About how your mother would do all these awful things and that you needed my help.  I thought you were so cute," he said, shaking his head as he looked at me.

Oh dude... wrong time to tell me this.  I was already on edge with needing to know everything about what he remembered and what he did.  But he brings this up... and says I was cute... bitch, someone wants to get their ass beaten in.  Before I could unclench my teeth and lash out, Luke already saw it coming as he grabbed my arm.  I was thankful for that though.  After all, if he didn't hold me back like that, I might have gotten up and started yelling in his face.  Luke unfortunately couldn't cover my mouth. 

"Cute?!" I hissed at him. 

"Albany, we will tell him later," he said quietly in my ear when I felt Luke bend closer to me and whisper. "Just let him talk and we will tell him later," he reassured me as I stared daggers at him.  I could tell Steven looked a little confused... but at the same time, like he had a good idea what my outburst was about. He gave a sorry sigh before he looked down and Luke let me go. 

Another long minute passed as I tried to even my breathing - and my anger.  He continued though, still looking into my eyes intently.  "Anyway, we became close.  And during that time that I was taking care of your baby sister and Clare, I introduced her to my brother, who interrupted an appointment I had with her.  I introduced my brother to her and the three of us became pretty close.  She was 19 at the time, if I recall.  But um..." he broke off and sighed shakily and I knew what was coming.  I knew what was coming and he needed to say it.  Because here is where their little friendship must have gone downhill.  I could see it in his eyes as he stared at me with so much pain... and sympathy. 

He didn't continue.  He just sat there as he stared at me and I could see the fear and pain radiate from his eyes and his tense body.  He didn't want to tell me.  Not because he was afraid of getting in trouble I think.  Maybe rather because he knew this would hurt me to hear. 

"Come on doc," I whispered.  "Tell me," I said softly.  I was ready to beg if he kept the silence here.  I wanted to know what he did.  What part he played in all this shit.

He shook his head and I watched as he closed his eyes for a long moment, his breath noticeably picking up.  Taking a deep breath as I watched him though, he eventually opened his eyes and met them with mine. 

"I... I... got a, uh, phone call one day," he said swallowing thickly.  My eyes refused to leave his.  "It was your mother.  And she was... panicking.  She told me there was something wrong with Emily and told me to rush over to the house as quickly as I could.  But she lied to me," he said, curving his lips inward and pursing, making mine in return tilt to a small scowl.    "She... um..." he said, shaking his head.

"Say it," I said, my own voice breaking. "Say it."

"I... got to the house.  Clare was waiting outside in the driveway as I pulled in....  And she didn't say much.  She just led me around the side of the house and into the backyard.  And...and she had a-a-a- trash bag laying on the ground beside the house.  And she told me..."  he stuttered and his voice broke and his eyes finally fell away from mine and to the floor.  Eyebrows raising as he nodded slowly, I watched as his eyes looked slightly glazed.  Lost in the past.  "She told me that it was an accident and that there was nothing she could do, she panicked, and-and was stuck.  She needed my help."

"What was an accident?" I asked in the most ignorant sounding voice, like I had no clue what he was talking about.  Oh but I did.  My mind felt almost numb.  I don't speak of Emily much.  Let alone, I don't hear anybody else talk about her. That shook me up on it's own, talking about her.  But we were also talking about her death and what I knew wouldn't be justice served by someone that I realized knew the whole time.  He knew the whole time about her death.

"Your sister's death.  Clare... she said it was an accident.  But I knew it wasn't.  I knew in my gut it wasn't.  She put her in that trash bag and asked me to help her by hiding all the documents.  Every appointment and check up documented from the time became pregnant with Emily.  Get rid of all of the files that said she had another child and all files of Emily.  It seemed like such an impossible task.  And even then, if it would have been easy, I didn't want to do it," he said, eyes back up on mine and begging as I could see his eyes start to water at the memories I could see he shoved away from his present life.  "I-I didn't want to do it.  But she helped me become a better person; we were good friends--"

"What a good excuse to help her hide my baby sister and go along with it!" I said, voice quivering with anger and overwhelming sadness at what he said.  At knowing he was part of the reason my life went to hell.  He could have stopped this and he chose not to.  He could have put her away.  But instead he helped her.

"It wasn't a good excuse!" he said, biting his lip as he leaned forward in the desk chair and clasped his shaky hands together.  "But I... as stupid as this sounds, I thought I nearly loved her.  I wanted to help her.  She seemed so sorry, so helpless, and I think at the time I even convinced myself that it wasn't Clare's fault.  So I helped.  I left the house just as she was heading in the back yard to burry her and headed over to my office.  I started small and destroyed all the files I had.  I had to go to other places though and collect everything.  I had to file that her taxes were wrong based on a mistake, had to change so many things I didn't even have access too.  I m-mean the process seemed endless.  And eventually, I realized I couldn't do this alone," he said, sighing deeply and trying to appeal to my eyes.  I could feel Luke's body was overly tense beside mine now but wouldn't glance to him.  My focus was on the bastard in front of me.  I felt my whole body was trembling in place.

"You needed help to dispose of all the documents?" Luke asked, pushing for me.  Even he was so on edge, he needed Steven to keep talking.

His body sagged in defeat almost as he sat back in his chair.  He raised a hand up to his head and grasped his hair tightly, biting his lip as he answered Luke, but never looking from me.  "Yes," he choked out as I saw a tear fall from his eye. 

"Who helped you?" Luke pushed, knowing I was so involved in everything he said.

"My brother," he said, biting his lip as I saw his chest start to shake in tremors as if a sob was building up.  "I went to him and told him what happened.  And, and, and, he didn't want anything to do with me.  But he still helped me because he didn't want me to end up in jail," Steven spoke in a fast voice. "He got together the rest of the files and documents I as a doctor didn't have access too.  And he destroyed most of them.  Of course, he kept one file that held kind of a time line from the moment I helped her through her pregnancy to Emily's death.  He said... that if Clare ever tried to throw me under the bus for anything, he will have that file to threaten her with.   That if she tried anything else involving us, he would release that and she would be screwed."

"The sheriff kept one file to blackmail her if ever came to that?" Luke clarified. 

Steven nodded shakily and his eyes left mine, going to Luke's.  "Yeah.  He kept one file.  He wanted to report Clare for what she did.  But he knew that if he reported Clare, I would be reported too.  So he didn't.  He ensured my safety and helped me get rid of the files and didn't report Clare...." he said, and just as he said that last sentence, he buried his head in his hand and was breathing rapidly. I could tell he was crying softly with the tears catching in his voice.  "I let her get away with killing her daughter!"

My face was heated and I was biting my bottom lip; I could taste the slight blood from it.  My eyes were nailed on his hunched body and I wanted so badly to attack him.  Luke was too stunned by all of this to try to stop me I knew.  I wanted too... but I couldn't move.  I was at a loss of words, at a loss of reason at the moment.  I couldn't do anything after he told me this.  After explaining how he helped her.  And how he saw her... in a trash bad on the ground along the house.  Like nothing but garbage.  Like nothing at all. He ruined her justice.  And he ruined my life.  Because after that happened, he must have realized there was the possibility that Clare could do that to me.  Realized that maybe I wasn't being 'cute' when I told him about the beatings.

"You proud of yourself, doc?  Managed to get away with assisting murder without even an investigation?   Because she never existed in the first place!" I said, shaking as I stared him down.  His hair was all I could really see.  His hands covered his face and I saw his back jump when he hiccupped with his cries. 

"No..." he murmured in his hands, head dipped in his lap nearly.

Luke growled harshly at him in a chilling voice.  "You look at her when you answer!"  When Steven couldn't bring himself to look up at me, I was astonished to see what Luke did.  He leaned forward more and reached out just enough to grab the doctor's rolling chair.  Luke sitting back, dragged him and brought the doctor in his chair to be sitting an inch before me.  Luke lightly gripped the man's hair from where his head was dipped and forced his face out of his hands.  Eyes wide, Luke forced him to look at me from where he was now only a foot away from me in front of the couch now.  "Look at her.  You let her go through endless abuse because you didn't have the balls to stand up and accept responsibility and make sure Clare was arrested."

My breath caught at the doc sitting in his chair right in front of me, with Luke leaning over and gripping his hair and head to stay up.  Steven's face wasn't red any longer, but a sickly pale color.  His cheeks were covered in his salty smeared tears by his hands and his eyes looked red around the darkness of his eyes.  He answered instantly after Luke hissed to him.  "No, I am not proud," he choked out.

"It's your fault I went through hell.  When you had to have realized what she was doing to me.  When you knew you should have helped me.  When you knew that I couldn't have been insane if she killed Emily," I said in a quiet light voice, which was shaking heavily in the back of my throat.

"I-I'm so sorry!" he gargled out of his mouth, eyes pleading in mine.

"Are you?  You selfish prick!" I hissed in his face as Luke finally let his hair go and sit back beside me.  From my side vision, I saw him cross his arms as he watched Steven.  His eyes remained on me, fresh tears still coming from his eyes.

"Yes, I am," he said, looking deeply into my eyes closely.  "I'm so sorry.  If I could go back and change this, I would.  It's haunted me for years!"

I sat there as I watched him carefully, trying to figure out if he meant that or not.  Out of true sorrow or out of fear.  I think Luke was wondering the same thing as we both silently sat there for a long minute, taking him in.  Steven took deeper, more even breaths, as he tried to calm himself down.  Glancing down and away from us to his lap, his eyebrows dipped in pain. 

Luke, in a softer voice to him, brought his attention back.  "Are you sorry enough to be willing to testify against Clare in court if it came to that?"

Steven's eyes found his and his lips pursed.  Pain and hurt crossed his face, as well as hopelessness.  "I would," he said.  "Will I be arrested?"

"It would all depend.  I wont arrest you now.  We need to uncover the body first then see how it goes.  If that's enough evidence, we might not need you.  But if we do, we will call you in to testify."

"I-I don't want to go to jail," he said, nodding.

"Then you will be smart about this.  You have a chance of avoiding it since you told us the truth," Luke said to him, in a little sharper voice to him but one of respect.  "It all depends.  I want you to tell us though if you know the exact place where the body is buried," Luke said to him, slowly.

Doc tried thinking over his words, eyes searching nothing but his own head when they returned to Luke's.  He glanced back to me as well as he spoke.  "I don't know.  I would assume in the backyard somewhere.  I wasn't there when she did it.  I left right before."

Luke stared into his eyes more and nodded blankly at Steven.  "Alright.  Thank you for being honest with us through this.  I think we have everything we came for, right Albany?" Luke checked, glancing to me and for the first time in a while, I looked up into his sad green eyes that were staring into mine from next to me.

I thought over his words.  Everything was still scrambling around in my head and I tried to think if that covered everything.  It was hard to say with how careful I needed to be to make sure I got all the answers I needed.  Glancing back to the doctor, I was curious about one last thing.  "You aren't in contact with Clare or your brother anymore?"

"No.  After what happened, my brother didn't want anything to do with me.  I didn't want anything to do with Clare," he said in a low groggily voice. 

"If you didn't want anything to do with her, the best place you could have put her would have been behind bars.  No harm done I suppose," I said sarcastically as I stood up from the couch, staring down into his eyes where he was still sitting.  "You're going to rot in hell, you dumb bastard," I said, as I felt Luke stand up beside me and lightly brush my arm, bringing my attention back to him. 

"That's enough," he nodded to me softly and I sighed, knowing he was right.  Luke was lucky though I didn't attack the guy.  I so wanted to; you guys have no idea how ready I was to slug him in the face.  Luke looked back down to him.  "We will keep in contact," Luke nodded down to him. 

Steven nodded back, looking quite ashamed of himself.  His eyes met mine once again... and this time, it made my heart jump.  I saw the sorrow in his eyes, the sympathy I didn't want, and the pain he held over all of this.  He wanted to help me.  He never forgot what happened or me for that matter.  That didn't make me feel sorry for him.  It made me understand slightly better - but only slightly.  I was still scowling at him as Luke led us out of the office and through the house the way we came.  We moved out the door and headed to the truck without a word said.

I didn't think my face was as warm as it was when we stepped outside.  But the fresh and cool air that brushed against my face said it was.  Luke's coat still wrapped around me, I held it tighter to me as he put the other one he took off back on.  My eyes staring ahead at the truck we neared, and with all the things he told us zooming through my head, the truck looked... claustrophobic. 

Walking side by side as we walked, I brushed that feeling away as we got in the truck.  He didn't need to worry about me right now - and I didn't want Luke's sympathy.  I would be okay... as always.  But by the time Luke started the truck, I rolled the window down and sighed in relief at that cool air around me again as it filled the truck.  I guess he forgot I was suppose to drive home.  But I wasn't arguing. I didn't feel anywhere near capable at the moment.

We started to drive.  Out of the subdivision and heading towards the highway.  Not a word yet spoken and I felt tension start to grow.  Probably with Luke not knowing what to say.  And he didn't.  He didn't need to say anything and I didn't need his comfort.  The window down as we drove along the back roads towards the highway surrounded by woods and open fields, I rested my head on the truck door and let the blowing wind from the speed caress my face.  My closed eyelids as I breathed hard.  It even blew some of Luke's scent to me from his coat I was still wrapped in.  That was until I felt the truck start to slow... slow... slow until we were stopped.  With my eyes closed, I figured we were at a stop sign.  Instead, when I heard him cut the engine and opened my eyes, I saw that wasn't the case.  Luke pulled off the road to the shoulder of the country road. 

Raising my head up slightly, I glanced over to where he was sitting in the driver's seat.  His hands dropped from the wheel to the seat and his eyes were already watching me intently.  His sweet emerald eyes searched mine and I looked back into his, confused.  His eyebrows were dipped low, framing his beautiful eyes with a look of nervousness.

"Why did we stop?" I asked, even though I already had a good idea.  All my thoughts were consisting of were Emily... and how much I couldn't believe we got what we needed.  That I found out he helped Clare get away with it....  But knowing I had the validation from the doctor himself made it so much more real.  Including the image he put into my head of Emily.  Of how she was alive and healthy.  And of the picture of her limp little three year body wrapped in a black plastic bag.  Beaten.  And then buried in the ground.  My only friend.  I don't think about her much because it hurts.  But this not only made me think about her.  This... shook me to my core.  I could only assume he knew that and felt the need to address it. 

Luke didn't say anything yet.  He licked his lips as his eyes slowly fell down to my seatbelt.  Eyebrows dipping more, I watched as he leaned over towards me and clicked my seat belt as it slid loose from around me.  Before I could ask again, with him still leaning over, I felt his hand smoothly wrap around my far side and pull me closer to him.  Confused, I allowed him to pull me closer and when he pulled me all the way over to the driver's side with him, it forced me to bring my legs up to the seat as well.  He moved me until I was sitting in his lap sideways, my back to the window and my legs stretched off to the side from his lap. 

I tilted my head and looked down to him, confused.  His neck crained up to look into my eyes as he stared up at me.  He slide one of his hands inside of the his long coat on me and rest his hand on my side, brushing softly.  "If you're trying to comfort me, I don't need it," I said to him softly, one of my hands wrapping around his neck.

"I know you don't need it," he whispered softly up to me.  His green glowing eyes searched mine close and he pursed his lips.  "I still want to give you comfort though."

I tried getting rid of this heaviness in the air and smirked down to him.  "You treat me like a girl too much," I said.

"Maybe because you're my girl.  Whether you like that or not.  Even though you can probably kick my ass," he joked, his other free hand rising and brushing my hair back.  More seriously though, he sighed, and said.  "You're very strong.  But... I'm sorry it went like that.  I thought it would go smoother and--"

"It's okay," I nodded down to him.

He swallowed.  "I just hate to see you hurting.  Even if it is when we find out the truth about things.  I didn't expect him to give us all that information.  I didn't know there was so much to it from him..." he sighed. His words brought back everything.  The connections and the cruel choice he made.  I tried blocking it from my head as I stared down to him from where I was sitting sideways in his lap. 

"I can handle it," I said to him.  "But I still have this feeling that there is more to it.  Even more than what the doctor knew.  There's one little piece missing to this and I just... can't tell what it is," I sighed, shaking it off.  "Either way, I just feel like... I'm becoming numb to all this.  With each thing we discover, the more numb I become to it."

Luke's hand that was resting on my side reached more behind me and grasped my back.  He slowly gripped me there and slid me down his body slightly... until I was leaning across his lap.  His arms held me up to his chest as his hands both moved to my back and side.  He stared down to me as I stared up at him, cupping his cheek.  Sitting slumped now in his lap, I bit my lip as he spoke softly to me. 

"Numb or not, I want you to know... that this stuff wont be happening much anymore.  We are getting close and we have just about all the information we need.  We just need to get the body... and we will be free.  You're sister will be free.  Even if there is a missing link like you think."

Staring up into his eyes, I gave a shaky sigh and pressed my head into his upper chest and holding myself against him there.  His hands tightened around me and I felt his head dip down too.  He pressed his lips on the top of my head.  And... I knew I needed to be thankful.  That's why I didn't need comforting on this, even though he wanted to give it to me.  Because though it was horrific what happened, I got the answers today.  And unfortunately, Luke didn't have answers yet for his own sister.  I knew that bothered him all the time.  I wished there was something I could do for him, especially now.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly against him.

"For what?" he asked, one of his hands sifting through my hair as I lifted my head to meet his confused eyes. 

I swallowed hard and knew what I needed to say.  Because I knew he was always dealing with it.  I shook my head as ran my thumb along his jaw and cheek.  "For me getting answers of my sister... and you don't have any yet..." I said, hesitantly, knowing he was sensitive on that.

His eyes appealed in mine as he sighed, his lips tilting down as he looked to me.  He shook his head softly as his hand stopped moving in my hair for a moment.  His hand around me seemed to have tightened though even though I felt his body tense.  "Albany," he said gently.  "You don't need to be sorry about that.  You have answers now... and that's something we needed.  We need those answers.  And despite how desperate I am for my own answers... they aren't needed for survival.  Though I'm often very convinced it means survival for me if I don't get them," he said in a shaky voice.  "Either way, some things are always left unanswered.  And we need to just... push on," he said, giving me a soft smile.

My eyebrows creasing down at his words, I could feel his sadness through his eyes.  But also his strength that I loved about him come though.  My hand on his cheek moving to wrap around his neck, I played with the little hairs on the back of his neck as I stared into his eyes.  His gazing back into mine, I felt his arm tighten more around me... and without another word, he pulled me up and closer to him until our lips were just a centimeter apart. 

"And when we push on... better things come," he smiled.  "Like seeing you wearing my coat and knowing I get to hold you like this."

I chuckled just slightly as I moved the inch up closer until my lips pressed against his.  I sighed as I pressed my lips up and against his.  And with that, I felt his one hand move up to cup my neck and hold me in place along his sweet and loving lips.  I kissed him softly and twined my lips against his, as I felt him react and do the same.  His lips shaped up against mine in a light smile.  My breathing increased, our lips moved deeper together and I lightly moaned.

I knew that this right here was not only how I was learning how to get through this.  Being with him gave me this deep understanding I never knew I could have with someone.  And the same went with Luke.  He knew I'd always be here, knowing, and understand with him.  Even as we faced and uncovered shit we didn't see coming.  There would always be this... and I loved it. 

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I had no time to edit this or reread much.  Sorry about that.