Chapter 38

Time stood frozen. A stillness in the air that taunted me to break it. I just... stared in astonishment... across the body and blood, across the space separating Luke and I. Stared up and into his wide eyes. Green glossy glass pieces, shinning to me in desperation. I saw through them and deep into his being. Of something that inflicted him and wouldn't ever go away, the events of tonight. And of the miracle that both of us were still alive and standing. Well, for the most part.

I saw he was bent over somewhat on one side and with chills running profusely over me, I realized it was from the stab he took to his thigh. It was from all the cuts that were scattered over him, the blows he took, and the lack of energy he now had. Looking him over in a daze, I saw his body was drenched with the wetness left from the snow as well as the blood that was coating his body even more now. Lips parted, his breath was audible. He looked ready to collapse and from the aching taking place in myself, I felt ready to fall myself. But that was from the horror of what happened and the shock that pressed against me. Luke was physically hurt - and that demanded action.

My heart was in my throat this whole time. I was still paranoid unconsciously of more coming, jumping out of the bushes at us. But at seeing Luke... well, fuck that and the rest of the world. Fuck it all. He was all that mattered. My feet knew that too with my sudden need to be by him, moving through the snow as fast as I could to get to him. No noise in the air... nothing but his breathing and my rushing through the snow towards him as he just stood there and watched me. In hurt, relief, desire, and most of all shock. He was shocked.

"Luke," I felt reach my lips. I moved closer.. closer until I was there. That's all I could think, that I was here, he was here and we were alive. When I got to him, I didn't pause in throwing my arm around his slumped body and helping him support himself as he stood there. Wrapping an arm around his back, I felt my other go around his front and rest against his chest. "Oh my god," my voice cracked as I looked up to his face from the side. I heard more noise beside us in the air and I glanced over to where Ramper stood off in the trees as he slowly began coming towards us, shotgun now resting at his side. Looking back to Luke, I saw that his eyes rested blankly in the snow before meeting mine. His breath fast in my face, I saw his lips purse and the relief enter his eyes at seeing me.

"Albany..." he sighed in a gasping breath, his arm holding onto me slightly as I saw his vision go for a spin. Holding him in place from where he began to sway, I was absolutely shocked by the next thing he said when his vision stabilized in mine and he cupped my cheek with his other hand. "Are you okay? How hurt are you?"

I just shook my head at him. "How hurt am I?" I asked, biting my lip as I felt a lump rise even more in my throat. How hurt was I he asked... god! Did he not feel that stab? Did he not see his body caked in blood? Did he not realize I was supporting him? Taking a shaky breath, I felt my arms move around him more and he rested his head against my shoulder just as I noticed his leg begin to shake uncontrollably.

His lips now almost against my neck, I felt him just whisper, in the most fragile voice I heard from him, "I'm sorry."

I felt my heart want to leave my body and could feel my vision begin to blur as tears threatened around my eyes. But before I let my thoughts go and run wild, before I lost it, Ramper got to us quickly. Swiftly moving at us, I saw he was shouting into his radio. But it wasn't exactly needed. Just as he got to us and wrapped his free hand around the other side of Luke to support him, we heard others. A rush of the cops, and when I glanced towards the parking lot through the trees, I heard them shouting and getting closer with the red and blue lights flashing.

"Get the files," I heard Luke whisper against me. And though I thought he was out of it, and he probably was, he remembered something that was completely wiped from my mind. Looking down to him against me, his eyes lifted and with strength, he said. "If you are hurt, don't. But if..." he groaned, struggling with his pain as I saw his eyebrows dip. "If you are able to, this is the only time to grab them," he got out urgently, as if his breath only demanded so much.

I nodded swiftly. Because it didn't matter how scarring this was. Those files could be everything to us and being shocked wouldn't stop us from getting the truth. We needed to grab those files before the rest of these cops got here to investigate, where they would eventually find them. "Ramper, hold onto him," I said just as I delicately slid out from being Luke's partial support. And when I was free from him, I ignored the bodies. The bodies... of men he just shot and some that were paralyzed from the pepper spray. Ignore the blood and get the files... ugh god, ignore everything!

Such a gruesome sight. I only focused on getting the files. And when I began to find the strength, I ran towards the direction where he told me to drop the files. They were by a tree, hidden - but I knew where. Just as long as I get there before the cops get down here, which I could see they were coming with flashlights. So I ran, racing them and just a few yards away, I got to the files. Scrambling in the snow, I found the thick stacks of documents and didn't pause in picking them up and stuffing them into my coat and against my chest; even going so far as to shove them slightly down to be held by the top of my pants.

By the time I got back to Luke, the rest happened in a blur. Because it all needed to happen fast. Luke needed to get to the ER and with the other officers around and controlling the situation, I watched them arrest the two that were alive. The two that I sprayed and that were only hurt. Other than that, it was all bodies... bodies, blood, officers with glaring lights, pictures being snapped, and crime scene tape.... Lights flashing, then brighter lights as we boarded the back of the ambulance. All a rush.

Tonight was racing by us and it wasn't pretty. None of it was. But even the raw ugliness of it kept hitting us, even as we were silent and I held his hand in the ambulance, my mind was like Luke's body: struggling, hurt, and a mess. I've seen him shoot people before.... enough times to unfortunately probably be use to it by now. Except it was relentless tonight. It was rough, it was painful, and it was close. It was a close fight and that never happened before. It scared the shit out of me.

***

It felt like the longest night of my life by the time I pushed Shannon's apartment door open and helped Luke through the door, closing it behind us. I guess I needed to be thankful he didn't need to stay longer at the hospital. Hell, I felt as if I needed to be on my hands and knees thanking a god I wasn't sure I even believed in for the fact that Luke was even okay.

He had been so bloody... in a ton of pain. But the trip to the ER helped. They cleaned him up good. Patched up his cuts that had caused most of the bleeding and stitched up the stab wound after giving him a tetanus shot. I was surprised to find out he was stabbed up near the shoulder too and just didn't know it (that caused a lot of blood too). Dressing for the cuts were all over his body as were the stitches; it didn't help my uneasiness.

We were staying at Shannon's for the remainder of the night and into the morning. Luke insisted we not go back to the house. As foolish as it sounded to me, he said that at home he needs to be alert and ready. He didn't need to feel like that here without Clare and without the knowledge being out there where we were. We were fully safe here and Shannon was more than happy to allow us in, even though she was at work and didn't know why we even were here (we would explain it later).

Shannon gone working, Clare was still at home sleeping. We haven't spoke to her since that disastrous dinner earlier even though that felt like forever ago. She headed up to bed and we didn't even inform her we were going to the station. Now, it's not like we can go without calling her. She needed to know what happened when she wakes up and we are gone. So Luke called the house after he was released from the hospital and we were on our way to Shannon's. Clare didn't pick up though; she was probably still sleeping which was most likely for the best either way. He left a message that said we were at the station and dealing with some issues with the people that wanted to hurt me again. He didn't tell her where we were going, what really happened. We didn't need to deal with her right now. We needed to just manage ourselves at the moment.

Supporting clothes that a fellow officer gave to him before we went to ER, my arm around him stayed strong as I helped him along through the small apartment. I felt a little better knowing he didn't need much help though. He could walk, he was fine, even if he had a barely noticeable limp. I still wanted to support him - and did as we moved into one of the spare bedrooms. It was adjacent to the one I was in before; only now unlike before, it was an actual bedroom and not the storage room Shannon was using it as before at the end of the hall. It was larger than the other one. The cherry dresser on the wall adjacent to the door when you walk in, I noticed a high up window on the wall across from where the bed faced. And the bed itself was just beside the door and took up a lot of the space.

When we entered the guest room, I had him lay down immediately and watched as his stiff body finally relaxed. Flicking on a lamp beside him on the bedside table, I also set down the bag that held what I needed to tend to him later. I also set down the files on the dresser that had been tucked against me for hours now. Just as I turned around from the dresser though and faced the bed where he laid, I saw he wasn't completely at rest; his eyes were frantically running over me still, checking for any sign I was hurt. I would always be among his concerns. "Lay down Albany; you need to rest too," he said to me once he met my eyes.

I sighed and watched him carefully from where I stood beside where he was laying on the bed. "No, I really don't," I said, with emphases this time too. Because this whole time, Luke stayed quite quiet. Didn't say much. But when he did, it was about me needing to rest. Me needing some treatment from the doctor - who he pestered to check me out. But I was fine. I didn't get hit, punched, anything - which was almost as big of a shock as the actual attack in my opinion. The only possible issue might have been when Patrick tried strangling me but I was fine, even if he wouldn't accept that. He was so worried.... Luke's eyes were ringed with tiredness and worry and all for me. "Please stop worrying over me!" I said down to him, biting my lip as I shook my head. Gently coming to sit down on the edge where he was laying down, I met his restless eyes that searched me - in worry, in care. I continued to explain.

"You have taken care of me from the moment I met you," I whispered to him with a soft smile coming to my lips. And it was true. He always had my back even when I didn't think he did. His eyebrows raising at my words, I noticed his eyes softened even more. With his head propped up on the pillow, looking up at me, I grabbed his free hand that was resting against the bed, squeezing slightly. "You have saved me so many times, risked too much, and have done all you could for me. Let it be my turn," I said to him in sweetness. That's all I wanted at the moment - and all that was keeping my attention from what happened. "Let me take care of you," I whispered as my voice broke.

Luke taking a shaky breath, closed his tired eyes tightly for a moment. His fingers in mine squeezed and I saw those furrowing brows lower again. Taking deep breaths, I could only watch him. With white and thick patching caressing the side of his forehead where he had been bleeding. Wearing a loose tee-shirt, I could see the bandaging against his chest too and knew he was still very hurt. That's why I was desperate to tend to him. He's done so much for me - nearly gave me a heart attack tonight - but I needed to do this for him. I didn't just owe it to him. I needed to take care of the man I love.

Opening his eyes, they met mine and looked at me for a silent moment. Then, after searching my face, he finally spoke. "Sweetheart, you are always welcome to take care of me," he said, giving me a small smile. "But if you want me to stop worrying," he said as he took his free hand and patted it on the other side of him against the bed, "Just lay down with me then, even if just for a minute."

Sighing, I gave a slight nod as I stood up. I shut the bedroom door that was a few feet beside the bed, not knowing when Shannon got home exactly. But after I did, I grabbed the bag of meds the doctor prescribed to him as well as more dressing for the wounds that I put on the dresser. Moving to the other side of the bed, I set the bag down on the little table just as I came to climb onto the bed and over the red and soft comforter.

Looking over to Luke, who was resting on his back, his eyes met mine with his head turned towards me. With nothing but love and sorrow in his eyes at the same time. To be honest, I think it took more of a toll on him than it did me, what happened tonight. I could only hope his peace will come - and no, I'm now considering how pathetic that sounded because it was very true. I wanted his peace. Because I know just how long shit like this can follow a person's soul. It's not like this is normal for us. It was slowly building up, the violence, attacks, deaths, and it became even more costly with each time it happened. Killing people, he said once, eats at you. But that was when he was talking about when he would kill one person at a time for something and it would slowly haunt you.

Tonight... I can't even recall how many people he shot down. And people that were going at him this time, not me. Him. He wasn't just protecting me this time. He was defending himself, which I knew was a much more chaotic position. I saw it in his eyes right then... that this wouldn't slowly eat at him. It looked as if it already had and would continue to do so for the rest of his life.

Licking my lips, I grabbed the large cozy blanket that was folded at the end of the bed and pulled it up near us. Moving closer to Luke, I draped the blanket over him as well as my outstretched legs too. Resting back against the pillow of the bed, I glanced over to him and noticed his eyes... were still on me. With no words. Just his eyes. He didn't want to speak right now, as he really hadn't after what happened. I couldn't blame him.

With the blanket over us, there was nothing between us besides our hands that eventually came together and our even breaths. Nothing else. I kind of welcomed it. I just wanted time to get it through my head now what just happened since I knew Luke would be okay, physically. But a lot of processing that needed to happen... was Luke. It wasn't just the dead bodies. It was the man that could have been among those corpses.

How many more times did this need to happen until they get what they want? Until one of us is dead? Until he is gone? I swallowed the thickness in my mouth that came about from that thought. My eyes that came to rest against the blanket came to glance over to Luke, whose eyes just remained on me. Still worried, still tired, and still even a little distant. In the next moment though, he turned slightly to his side and alarmed me with a groan from it. I wanted to push his ass back down and tell him not to move. But it was too late. He moved closer towards me and I rose my eyebrows when I felt his body gradually come to rest against my side and he slowly took a shaky hand and draped his arm across my stomach. His chin resting against my shoulder and propping his head up, nose brushing against my neck, it was instinct for me to respond. I turned my head closer to his and gently, as gently as I could, press my lips against his forehead as he came to rest there. Against me and for the first time, I felt the roles were reversed. That I was his rock, his crutch this time and I welcomed it.

Once I kissed his forehead, I couldn't help but keep away from him any longer. Not out of lust or anything of the sort - no, but of my fear I felt tonight. That he would die... and now all I wanted was to hold him against me. I brushed his hair back when I raised a hand above us, stroking his soft locks back, careful to avoid the cut near his head. And as I stroked his hair and felt his breaths deepen against my chest, I couldn't help but kiss his forehead again - then a few more times until I felt myself shaking. I think Luke had the same sensation run through him too.

He tilted his head slowly up towards me and I knew he hurt to move. With stitches, soreness, cuts, and the exhausted nature he was experiencing. When he did, I felt myself react instantly. I lowered my lips against his and kissed him softly but also somewhat urgently just as he craned up to do the same. I loved him, and I didn't want to give this chance up to show that I didn't want him to be absent from me. In danger. Oh god, I loved him so much.

His lips were wanting, and I could feel with his hands that held onto me react the same. I felt the desire he had pour into me as well as his same fear spread over his lips as he went deeper. Oh... my god, he kissed me as if he shared me same fear. Like I was his and he was mine. He claimed me as I rested my hands against him harder and offered my lips to him.

It took a while for either of us to be willing to let each other go. But when we did and our lips detached, and I noticed his eyes still closed, I watched him grunt slightly in pain. It spiked the worry in me again. "Lay on your back again if you hurt," I said, glancing towards the clock on the bedside table on my side. Moving back and speaking to him, I said, "Another hour and I'll give you a painkiller," I said, recalling the doctor's instructions. I had to give them to him if it began to bother him. I also had to change the dressing and check the stitches soon as well.

"I'm fine, really," he said in reassurance as he continued to lay against me. And at that, I felt myself smile down to him when he opened his eyes and they found mine.

My smile faded though when I knew what I needed to tell him as he continued to rest against me, on my chest and though it was a rather unnatural position he most likely shouldn't be in, he seemed as relaxed as he had been. "Luke, you aren't fine," I said, running my hand through his hair again. His cheek coming to rest on my chest and tilted up to my face, I pursed my lips as I continued. Sighing, I said, "People... just aren't designed to go through what you have tonight," I whispered.

"And neither are you!" he said to me, almost in panic. "Just... tell me what I can do for you to make it better." Those words surprised me because I don't know where they came from. But so did the break in his lower voice going high.

I didn't know how to answer really besides with what came to me instantly. "You can't do anything for me to make it disappear. And as heartbreaking as it is, I can't do anything for you." Taking a shaky breath, I felt my words come to me on instinct and I felt I needed to say it. "Luke," I sighed, looking down at him. "You are the sweetest person I know. I will never be able to be as... affectionate I guess you could say. I know I'm-I'm not the best at expressing that type of thing... but," I bit my lip, shaking my head as I got my words together, speaking directly into his eyes. "Sometimes, I think you are the only thing left in this world that is beautiful. And tonight, I felt like..." I felt tears cloud my vision again and I cleared my throat more as I spoke. "Like you were going to leave me in this ugly world. That you would die and give up this beautiful life you have. And I... I... can't let that happen! You're the... the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. To see that happen to you tonight, you killing those men... I know it breaks a part of you. It hurts! Because I know how much you suffer in silence! It kills me, and I can't do anything about it. When you said you wanted to run away with me, that's all I want to do right now. I want to runaway with you, Luke," I whispered and unlike when he said it, I was showing him how serious I wanted that. Cupping his cheek, I felt my need to go on. "Because I don't want to see you get hurt anymore. Because all I want is to be with you."

With all that said ladies and gents, I felt exhausted. I was serious too. I never expressed anything like the way I just did. It was kind of scary, everything I just said. Mainly because I never speak like that but even because I meant every word without thinking twice. And now... dummy me dropped a bomb on him. My system wasn't ready to inflict such things.

I could see it too. His face... was stunned. Breath hard, eyes searching, his lips seemed to speak on their own. "You're wrong. You are as affectionate. You're my sweetest. And I'm not letting you go. That means, I wont abandon you," he said as he slowly, carefully sat up and off of me. Glancing over to him, he slowly moved back until he was sitting up. Moving his back to rest against the headboard, he looked down to me just as I sat up as well beside him, legs outstretched now as I craned me neck to watch his expressive face. Licking his lips, I saw him give a surprise scoff in that pained looked he aimed at me. "You're right, I suffer. Tonight did me in and I'm still... trying to get it through my head," his voice seemed almost dazed if that makes sense. His eyes though, were fire in mine. "But now you know how I feel," he said, his voice shaky. "You know how I feel every time I see you suffer. Through Clare, through those judgmental everyday assholes, and these fuckers who keep coming after you. That's why I'm so determined to end this. Because I can't stand to see you suffer anymore. But I also... strive for you. I want you and I'm fighting for you. I want to promise you something," he said in a soft voice, pausing as he gave me a loving look.

"What is it?"

"I promise you that after this is all over... we will runaway together. Even if it's just for a while then we come home. Because right now, you're all I'm looking forward to in the end. Just me and you." In a smaller voice, he spoke again and it wavered when he spoke. "I know you're scared and I know you hate this like I do. But we will get through this together. Because... you're my girl."

Like pins teasing my body, I felt the shivers run over me at hearing those words. Not being able to fight my smile, I scoffed and couldn't help but lean towards him. And with that, my shoulder pressing against his, I came closer to his face and those sparking eyes, those lips that just spoke those beautiful words to me. I connected them to mine in the next second and all I wanted was to stay hiding, or runaway like I said. But at hearing that promise he made me... at hearing him tell me that I was his girl... I was more anxious than ever to finish this bullshit.

***

"Okay," I sighed, my head still spinning from our words. But now, I needed to concentrate. And that started with breaking out a couple beers from the fridge a while ago. After all, if I was going to fix him up, it would help me keep my mind out of the reasons as to why this was happening. Luke needed some alcohol most of all though. He was hurting like a bitch and not to mention, it was a very tough day for him (and will be for a while after I knew). He also doesn't like drinking at home anymore. This was our safe day. Time to take advantage I suppose, especially when it was one hell of a day. I noticed Luke just started on his second while I was still on my first from the armful I hauled in here. But I was preoccupied now. Sitting cross-legged in front of him, but besides his outstretched legs, I dug through the bag I dragged onto the bed as I said, "Take your shirt off."

Finding the wet cloths the doctor gave us and the wraps of dressing, I pulled it from the bag and set it on the bed. Glancing up to Luke, I saw the shirt he was now wearing was off and he dropped it beside him on the bed. Without a shirt now, looking him over, I internally cringed. So many cuts... so many patches I now had to replace. I wasn't at all disgusted by the concept of cleaning the cuts then applying new dressing. It was just a disgusting reminder of what happened. He had about five long lashes from knives along his chest and stomach. Then, up near his shoulder, I noticed that the stitches were still in good shape, no sign of inflection.

Things kind of calmed down between us at this point - and when I say that, I mean that heavy weight of what happened. Luke was still kind of quiet but I understood. I could tell, even though he didn't really say much more on the matter, that he was still worried about me. But he made his attempt for the first time tonight to lighten the mood.

"You know what would really make me feel better?" he asked just as I began to open the packages of little wet cloths along with the clean cloth to dry it with, getting ready to take care of his now exposed bandages.

"What?" I asked, noting the new lightness in his voice. I could tell he himself just wanted to feel better as well as lift my mood no matter if that daunting event was still lingering fresh. The only way to get over it was accept it and move on.

He gave me a small and playful smirk. "To make it even, you should take your shirt off. After all, I'm sure your shirt is still wet to begin with."

I nearly dropped the cloth in my hand. My eyebrows shot up and I could only continue to stare at the bag beside my lap for a moment, taking in what he said. Mainly because I was surprised he was being so bold. And secondly because it came out of nowhere. Smiling, I glanced up at him, his smile showing shyly.

"Nice try," I said, nodding. He had a good point, my clothes were wet earlier. And I wont lie, I considered it. Just to have seen the look on his face at seeing me respond to his joking manner. But he could keep dreaming. I was doing enough for him as it was now. But I busted his bubble and pointed out something that ruined his excuse for me to take my shirt off. "After a few hours though, I am completely dry now. But I give you credit for trying," I smirked as I moved closer to him with wet cloth, the dry one, and the new dressing I was going to apply. Smiling up to his grinning lips, I glanced over to the table where the beer cans were next to the lamp. "I'm surprised two beers did that to you."

"Oh don't you worry," he said under his breath. "It was all you, not the alcohol."

I chuckled at his weak attempt; I knew he was just trying to tease me. "I'm flattered though," I said, coming to kneel up near where his now bare back was resting against the headboard. Facing the closest wound, which was a rather long one near his side, I began to slowly undo the wrapping against his skin there. And slowly, as I took it off, it revealed the deep red mark created from one of those knifes. I could see it was still readily bleeding to. I took the wet little cloth and cleaned it off, dabbing away the blood.

Luke sucked in a hard breath and I could tell it hurt. I didn't wait though. I quickly wiped away any blood, took the other cloth and dried it, then I redressed the wound, plastering the thick white bandage against his skin and around the hairs on his chest. All the while trying to get off how warm his skin was.

When I was done, I sat back and looked up at Luke's face. The pain he felt though was no longer on his face. He just looked at me before giving me and encouraging smile. "You're alright?" I asked, hoping that didn't hurt too bad.

He nodded as I went on and grabbed another one of the small packages that held those cloths as well as more dressing. And in a weird but comfortable silence, I continued to do that for each of the cuts he has. Taking off the old bandage and replacing it with clean and new dressing. It seemed to take forever for just how many cuts he had. Just as I got to my last few, I had to ask. "Hey Luke?"

"Yes?"

"How the hell did you manage to get out of this knife fight?" I shook my head. "They really got you but nothing more than cuts."

He cleared his throat at not speaking for a while. But upon looking up at him, I saw he was open to tell me. Eyes appealing in mine, he raised his eyebrows after finishing off his third beer now. Pursing his lips, he spoke. "Well, officers are not trained to use knifes. We are trained to dodge and disarm attackers with knifes. So I am good at dodging, but with how many there were, I couldn't avoid some of them getting to me."

I nodded and said the only thing that came to my mind on the matter. "I'm just so happy you are okay," I whispered as I removed the old dressing over a wound against his tight stomach. Just as I began to wipe away the blood that began to escape and drying, he spoke up again.

"Well, I'm just happy Ramper showed up," he spoke in a sadder voice. After he said that, I knew there was more to it than that. Patching up new dressing there, sliding my fingers over it and flattening it against his stomach, when finished I glanced up at him. His face showed admiration but also that troubled look when he glanced down to my eyes. Kneeling up next to him now that I was done with that one, I waited in curiosity as he continued. "You know..." he said, trailing off but not wanting to really say. "Because you were about to kill that guy if he didn't show up," he mumbled.

I nodded. But to make something clear, I said, "Well, I'm glad he was there. I would have done it though, you know."

"I know," he shook his head at the thought, his mind elsewhere on the matter before pursing his lips back to me. "Trust me though, I'm glad Ramper got there in time. You don't want to have that, have people's lives lost and to dwell over it constantly."

I bit my lip, not wanting to ask really or intrude but I was curious. "That's what you do?" I asked as I began to put everything back in the bag since I finished up for now (I'd have to do it again in a couple more hours). Throwing it in a bag, I set it on the bedside table before coming to sit back down, this time at his side against the headboard again, covering my legs with the blanket with him. Looking up at his troubled face, I waited for an answer, almost unsure he would give me one until he finally did.

"Yes," he said, turning his head to look into my eyes next to him. Face blank, he said, "It eats at you, like I said. You kill someone and just keep wondering... could I have done something to prevent it? And why them too? Why were those people the ones that I caught and not others?" he sighed and I felt one of his hands come to rest on one of my legs in comfort, his thumb moving up and down against my jeans almost unconsciously as he continued. "It really makes you wonder... about people, their minds... even makes you question your faith too."

I felt a pain enter my chest at what he said, knowing he must go through that. Always wondering, thinking, and I knew he couldn't help but blame himself in some cases. It bothered him. But it came with the job. "So... why are you still a cop?"

He took a deep breath, looking down at the blanket over our laps. "Well... I wanted to do something good. And I know I have. I've saved lives. I'm doing this for my sister. But not many cops end up killing people in their entire careers. I'm a rare and unfortunate case. So now, after tonight especially, I'm a cop still for you and my sister. For you because this really covers my ass when it comes to when these guys attack us. And for my sister because I still want to make her proud."

I felt my stomach twist slightly in my stomach and I looked down to the blanket with him in thought. "I guess you can thank me," I said, glancing back up to his face where he came to look at me in confusion after I said that. Laughing without humor, I said, "You shoot people on a daily basis it seems since I brought along all my trouble with me."

"No," he shook his head, his lips offering me a sad smile. "No. Don't ever think that you are the cause for my grief over this. I choose this, to kill, if it means keeping you safe. It's worth it."

I smiled softly and nodded, knew he was right. I mean, it was his choice. As it was to die for me if he chooses to, no matter how against it I am. I couldn't stop him and it tore at my insides, knowing he doesn't have to go through this pain if it wasn't for me. Even if it was his choice, I wanted to call him crazy. Of course, even if that was the case, I was happy he was here with me.

After we talked for a bit more once the subject shifted, I gave him the painkiller with a glass of water. And while I did so, I started to clean up a bit. I took the beer cans to the kitchen, put everything back in the little bag, and made sure all was good before heading to bed. After all, it was a long - oh so fucking long - day we just went through. We were both excited to go to bed, even though I knew it might be hard for him to fall asleep at first. He was in a great deal of pain after all.

Managing to get under the covers himself by the time I came back into the room and closed the door, even going so far as to lock it based on our own paranoid reasons I think we had a right to. I smiled as I went to the other side of the bed. And it all kind of hit me... how wonderful it would be if I could do this every night with him. Have our own home, get ready for bed openly, then head to my own side of the bed. Just a distant thought, yes. But one that didn't want to leave me.

By the time he managed to shut the lamp off himself and I climbed into bed, I knew tomorrow would be another big day. Luke confirmed it a moment later as I watched him carefully in the darkness of the room. His features lit with the darker shadows around him and the moonlight seeping in from the window, my eyes caught his as he began to slowly move closer to me. Until I moved the rest of the way and came to rest against him this time, not wanting him to move or hurt himself anymore than he already has.

"Tomorrow, we need to go through those files. Plus, I want to questions those guys you sprayed that we arrested," he said softly against my hair as I came to press my side against him, resting my head against his shoulder.

I nodded against him, sighing as I heard that sorrow filled tone enter his voice again. Naturally, I said, "Did you like my badass moves?" I asked, smirking. Taking in a deep breath of him... I drowned in it. In pressing my cheek against his warm and bare skin, of his soft yet hard body I needed to be careful with. He smelled like he always does and it was my home. I felt even more swallowed in him when his arm moved around me, moving around my shoulder as he held me against him.

He didn't chuckle - and I can't blame him with the reminder. But his voice showed signs of pride at recalling me remembering the moves he showed me a while ago. "You did it perfectly," he said, gradually turning his head more until his nose pressed against my ear. And with it, came his sweet lips that caressed my skin just beneath my ear, nipping slightly and lovingly.

After he broke away slowly and just came to rest there with me, we stayed like that for the longest time it seemed like. Letting the darkness take us under more, until our even breathing became too much for him. "Hey Albany?" he said in a light whisper.

"Hmm?"

"You don't need to be strong for me over this. Just because I'm struggling over what happened doesn't mean you can't struggle either. It's okay."

I sighed and though I really tried to block it out all night, I knew he was worried over this. Not just my physical state which he was constantly pushing at earlier. But rather the one within me. I mean, I pondered over it - over and over tonight but not enough really. And it was because I forced myself to stay focused on him. I didn't want to face it like he was forced to either way from how deeper it affected him. That was just me though - I cope by blocking it out and trying to forget.

"I know," I whispered and could feel him turn slightly more into my chest, making me fall deeper into his warm arms. "For me though... it will just take a but longer to hit me. I mean, I just can't bring myself to constantly think about it right now. It would hurt too much." I said, shaking my head and recalling the man that was over me... the man that was shot and killed over me. It would bother me like he described - maybe even as bad as killing because let me tell you now, just recalling it left my head hurting and my brain in a scramble of questions about life. The same thing went with the mental hospital. I didn't process it properly and just shoved it away as best as I could. And to be honest, that was how most of my life was. I would encounter shit that was traumatizing. But if I force it away and to let it fade, it wouldn't be as bad. And even if it wasn't as bad, that was something I could manage to deal with.

"I'm assuming the same goes for the institution?" he asked in a lower, raspy voice as I felt his other hand circle around me and gently start to run his fingers through my hair. Those same fingers that led men to their deaths tonight showed delicacy in softly stroking my hair, making me moan slightly.

When I nodded against him, as if he read my mind, he answered a response he saw coming. "Well," he whispered. "People deal with things differently. But... I want you to eventually talk to me about this stuff when you're ready. About the hospital and more about tonight if you want too."

I thought it over and I knew he was worried still. He was worried over everything and though it was something that pained him, it was something I admired in him too. How he could have the capacity to be concerned like that. "Okay," I nodded against his warm skin my hands came to rest around more, holding him there to me. And I was as honest as could be at that moment. I would tell him sometime. I wanted to. "I promise I'll tell you about it sometime when I'm ready."

Taking a deep breath against me, I felt his lips move along my cheek and then my lips, kissing me a few more times sweetly before I felt both of us slowly begin to near sleep - something I was ready to plunge into and drown into.

"Goodnight," he whispered just barely to me after long minutes of silence between us.

"Night Luke," I said back, tucking myself against him even more and slowly, the long day finally came to an end.

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I hope you guys liked it :) Worked hard on this one.