Chapter 25

A line has been crossed.  One that I knew would happen at some point.  Just not this way.  And now... all I wanted was to cross that line a million more times. 

Clare broke something inside me.  A few bones?  Doubtful.  Something that lingered in my heart and only came to grow every time I was in her presence. I wanted to respond, fight, kill her and shred her to pieces until she can no longer be defined by the evil mess she is.  She doesn't deserve to be recognized, even as a horrible person.  No, she deserved to not be recognized at all and that would probably be the worst thing that could happen in her pointless mind.

I couldn't act on that for many reasons - the simplest one being that I didn't wake up in our house.  When I could feel my mind come back, enter a consciousness I was forced out of, it was a slow and gradual build until I felt okay to actually open my eyes.  I didn't want to for a while though.  I felt like I couldn't be in a better spot, wherever it was.  I was as comfortable as someone as sore as me could be.  I felt my head throbbing and heard the affect as if the sound of my own heart beat for a moment.  But when that faded, there were other little things that just made me want to continue to lay there - wherever there was.  Like my back.

As I laid there on my stomach, I noticed a faint sensation... of burning.  As if my entire back had been skinned and numbed, the feeling somewhat tingly; with the small zings of pressure running down my back, I internally groaned.   Fucking pain... the slight burning over my back and the stinging sensation of my face... all this will always be a distraction.  It will always keep me awake.  Yet too much will put you under.  It could just never work out for me it seemed.

Staring down the darkness of the back of my eye lids, I knew there was only so much time I could have until I would be forced to open my eyes back into the cruel reality from the pain over me.  Sleep was something very beautiful, I realized in that moment.  Something often taken for granted but honestly, what better way of escaping was there but through drowning without your guilt to stop you? 

I didn't want to open my eyes... it was too much of a monster for me to face when all I wanted to do was just... be gone.  Nightmares were the only thing that could hurt me in my sleep and at this point, I'd be happily willing to take that risk.  I didn't want to face what I knew was waiting for me as my thoughts started to come back to me, the memories of what happened, the drama.... So maybe if I were to just stay under, stay sleeping forever, I would never have to face all these problems.  It would be the perfect way out, the perfect escape rout.  It only can go so far though.  Because, eventually, the world will demand your presence in it.

I finally allowed my eyes to start to flicker through the sleep I still was craving but knew wouldn't last.  Especially when after my memories came back, no matter how much I would have rather avoided it, I wanted to know what happened.  I remember it... all too well really.  The last second of consciousness stuck with me through my point of oblivion.  The point of the blade, penetrating my skin as it had so many times before.  However, this time, it was used like never before.  She put it through my hand - all the way through my fucking hand.  The feeling... was almost impossible to describe.  Not because of the pain really.  Just the power I felt in her hand as she pushed that blade down.  With every second of her pushing the knife through was a second of me falling, becoming more weak, and her strong.

Finally opening my eyes fully and taking in the sight before me, my first guess was that I was in a hospital.  It made sense, first of all.  I could only hope this was an exception to reality because I wouldn't handle a hospital environment well at the moment.  I soon realized I was wrong though.  Upon opening my eyes, I found a fuzzy impression of the bed under me, of the wall on the other side of the room, and the furniture in the small room.  When my eyes began to clear through my blinking and sore eyes, I could see in more detail - and that included the fact that I was in a place I never was before. 

The first thing my eyes focused in on was the side view of closet doors that were open. But that wasn't what registered in my head first.  It was the fact that the walls radiated a faded blue that gave off a sense of gloom from the moonlight coming in from the window, which was on the wall adjacent to the closet and by me.  Glancing up to the window near me, I could see beyond the impression the light green ruffles of the curtains left.  The sky looked black, with no clouds or color and no stars... but there was a moon.  Just a lonely moon that helped light up the room for me to see.  Everything looked dull right now to be honest though.  Knowing it was dark out though gave me a good guess on how long I was out for.

Glancing around a little more, finding an oak dresser along with a TV and a bookshelf, I found the door of the room, closed and leading to some other place in this foreign location.  I was almost positive that after Clare stabbed me through the hand, she had taken me to a place nobody knew about.  Was it a little out there?  Maybe.  But after everything that happened came back to me, I have a right to be a bit paranoid at the moment. 

Groaning, I shifted over slightly, turning gingerly until I was no longer putting my weight to my side but to my back.  Biting my lip at the sharp pains throbbing through my body, and especially my back at that pressure, I settled carefully until my eyes were facing the ceiling.  And when that pain slowly faded, like the after shocks of a million mini lightening bolts, I could feel a different type of throbbing, one I couldn't ignore anymore, no matter how nervous I was to see the damage done. 

Please be okay, don't be too bad... have too much damage done.... You have your hand still, you can feel it.  That must be a good sign.  How bad could it be? 

I refused to look at my hand for a few moments after I remembered what happened to it.  But it's not like I wanted to face it.  It was what I was most anxious about.  But like the only temporary position sleep offers you, you eventually need to face reality with something like this too.

Staring up at the ceiling, I slowly let my eyes fall to the bed sheets and white cover over me, covering my sore body.  And that included my hands that rested against the bed, out of sight in the jungle of covers.  Swallowing hard, I raised my hand up and in sight after I moved some of the covers away and finally saw the damage done to my hand.

Surprisingly... it wasn't much - or at least I couldn't determine it. My hand was wrapped in tan bandage, wrapped around my palm and to the outside of my hand, covering the entire wound.  I had to sigh in relief though.  My hand was there, it didn't look too bad... and if my hand is wrapped up, that must mean Clare didn't take me to some weird location as I had immaturely feared.  There was only one other explanation that hit my mind right away and that was Luke.

He must have found me, patched me up, and taken me to some unrecognizable place.  Why?  I had no idea.  If anywhere, I figured he would have been so panicked, he would have taken me to the hospital.  I was glad he didn't though.  The last thing I needed was that nervousness.  Especially after today. 

I never felt so helpless, so weak....  Why do I keep acting like I can make a difference when Luke is always the one that does something that benefits us for a change.  I am strong, I can fight... but what the hell?  Why couldn't I have overpowered her?  Biting my lip in a heavy anxiety now, I knew I failed horribly.  How could I face Luke?  With nothing but injuries and no evidence?  With nothing but more tolerance and anger on his part and frustration on mine that there is nothing I can do. I knew he wouldn't be concerned with the evidence if he saw the state I was in.  But I wasn't Luke and I cared more about the evidence right now.  It would have helped us, big time, and it didn't happen.  The only hope I have left and could afford was invested in the camera upstairs in our house.  Hopefully, it would at least captured some of the audio. 

I needed to get my pathetic reminder of attempts out of my head.  Because the more I dwelled on them, the more my head hurt.  And my head was hurting enough as it was.  I just wanted some answers... that's all.  But no, backfire.  I can't even internally kick myself without it leaving a physical mark. 

The camera was in the perfect spot.  And of course, by one little instance of being in the wrong place, she put me through the window.  That's what did it... that's what revealed you.  But why did a little glass stop you?  What happened to you to let her do that to you?  Who are you to dare to forget what Luke taught you at a time like that?!  He taught you that for a reason and she was in the perfect position to demonstrate those skills.  But no, you ruined it, genius - like you ruin everything else it seems....

Shaking my head in disgust as I laid there, I ignored the pain in me.  It didn't matter anymore if I was hurting.  I knew I brought this upon myself and I would deal with it.  It was a risk to talk to Regina, to attempt to film Clare... I understood I would be punished.  And though I didn't expect it to get this out of hand, there was nothing I could do about it anymore.  What happened, happened and there was other things I needed to do besides continuously think about it.  Like get my ass up and figure out where I was. 

Gritting my teeth, I felt my body and jaw shaking with the pressure it caused when I sat up.  Tingling sensations riding along me, like knives playing against my skin in a teasing manner, I managed to move my feet over the side of the bed as I sat up.  And as I was now in this position, the covers off me, I was able to take myself in. 

I didn't look too bad.  I was wearing a big and baggy plain green shirt, the necklace Luke gave me still present and strong around my neck.  For pants, just grey sweats - neither articles of clothing were mine though.  Someone changed me into it since the clothes I had on were torn, wet, and had some blood on them.  I had a pretty good bet on that there was bandages on my back too then.  I could feel a type of stiffness being afflicted after I sat up and could only assume that was it, tending to the tingles from the burning shards of glass.  I wasn't too bad, I concluded.  And after I stood up, I found that to continue to be true.  I felt okay; a little dizzy, a headache, throbbing... but I could manage.  Raising my hand to my face, I found a few sore spots around my jaw and I'm sure what were probably black and blue splotches; but it only hurt when I touched it. 

Forgetting about the damage done to me - and my shame over it happening to begin with - I headed towards the door.  I wasn't as scared as I was before. I felt comfortable and safe where I was and the fact that I was patched us was a plus for reassurance.  So when I grabbed hold of the doorknob and turned, I did so quietly only because I was taking everything in still.  Like the location to start with. 

Opening the door, I stepped into the hall -which really didn't appear to be much of a hall.  A few feet down and it opened into a small room, I noticed.  With two couches crammed together, a small coffee table, and what seemed to be a lot of clutter and boxes, I wasn't sure what to think.  I didn't recognize this place at all.  Walking closer though, my focus on the house vanished.  I heard faint voices, only coming from the direction across from the living room.  Getting closer, noticed a soft light cast on the dull carpet from what I could only guess was the kitchen. 

I was standing nearly against the wall that would open up to the kitchen where I heard the voices.  But with the voices, the harsh hisses and soft tones, my first instinct was to keep my mouth shut and stop where I was before going in the kitchen.  I didn't want the voices to stop, especially when I heard what they were talking about. 

"...I want to.  I keep failing her!  Over and over and now, look at what happened!" I recognized the angry and intense voice instantly and could tell through the cracking in that deep voice that Luke was not handling this well at all. 

"Luke," I heard a voice gently sigh and I was trying to place a face to the voice.  "You did what you could.  You didn't know this wou--"

"Well I should have fucking known Shannon!" I heard him nearly scream and in the next moment, a loud bang circulated through the air to me and I could only imagine he hit something.  Out of pure frustration at that. 

Clearly, he and his sister didn't know I was here and I would keep it that way.  I'm not one to eavesdrop (I lot of the time because I just don't care), but in this case,I was making an exception.  Pressing my back against the wall, which I knew on the other side was the siblings talking, I let my eyes rest on the light illuminating from the kitchen to the floor as I continued to listen to what they were saying.

"Luke," she hissed at him in a quieter voice.  "You will wake her up."

I heard nothing but the sound of my own breathing for a moment.  It was a long pause before I heard Luke speak again, this time in a slightly softer voice - but that painful venom was still quiet present in his tone and it sent shivers up my already shaky body.

"I'm done fucking around and playing nice innocent husband," he growled.  "I want to fucking rip her to pieces!"

"Well tonight, you almost did that and thank god I was there to stop you," she said, making my eyes widen at her words. It captured my breath as prisoner as her words just didn't make sense to me.  What did she mean, was she there when he found me?  She continued after a moment.  "I was there, saw the fire in your eyes.  I saw you grab your gun and stare straight at Clare.  You need to control yourself better--"

"How?!" he asked, outraged.  "I know, Shannon!  If you weren't there, I know I would have pulled that gun on Clare and probably killed her then.  I was so fucking close, you have no idea!  I wanted her to die.  I was so close to smacking her across her lying face and if you hadn't been there, I would have.  I would have put that bitch in her place!"

"I know you would have, I know," she said, in a comforting voice.  I could feel it in the air he needed it.  I knew this defined a new level of control for Luke after that if he managed to keep his guard up after coming home and discovering me.  And from what they just said, he was close to blowing our cover.  From their words, I had a good guess Clare fed them some BS story and the came to tend to me.  I was about to step out and into the kitchen then, to face my shook up savior, but I froze when Shannon's voice hit the air and it kept me still and on the sharpest edge I felt all night.

"Luke?" she asked, almost hesitantly.

"What?" he sighed, his voice full of defeat and anger.

"I saw your eyes when you saw Albany laying there...."  No answer from Luke yet - and I was hanging on that answer until she continued after what I was sure was Luke just staring at her.  "I never saw you look at a girl like that before," she said, almost quietly and ashamed under her breath. 

Internally gasping at her words, I felt my eyes widened and searched the vacant wall, as if looking for his answer, wanting him to answer to her.  Because honestly... her words only came to defend what I had come to assume.  And that was that Luke still had feelings for me.

Finally, I heard Luke let out a very awkward little chuckle that only seemed to validate that Shannon hit home.  And I wasn't sure how to feel about that.  "You have been talking with Francis, haven't you?" he said to her, trying to sound amused despite knowing how shaken he was be everything - and now what she was accusing him of.

"Do not try to BS your way out of this," Shannon spoke, almost of a warning to him.  "I saw the fear in yours eyes, the panic, that desire to protect her, and that desire to have her as yours and never let anything happen to her."

He was looking at me like that when he found me?  Of course, she could be confusing it for his clear torment over the simple issue he had with needing to keep me safe.  He didn't need to have feelings for me just because he wanted me to be okay, right?  Honestly, I don't know if she was interpreting that look on his face right but I could only hope she was wrong.  I was having a hard enough time staying away from him as it is and the last thing I needed was proof he still cared and wanted me that way.

"Shannon, I'm just very protective of her," he defended in a stone voice.

"Well, then in that case, you took it overboard.  You can't keep lying to yourself," she said.  "Luke it took me five hours to convince you she would be okay and that you could leave her side.  All you did was wait for her to be okay, sitting and watching her in worry this whole time, even when I told you she was fine.  That is not being protective of her.  That is having a very deep desire for her in--"

"Don't go there," he said in a warning voice to her., cutting her off sharply.  "I don't care for her in that way," he whispered, as if to himself and I could just barely hear through the opening of the kitchen a few feet from where I was standing.  And this whole time, my heart was beating faster, only to have those words shatter me.  Shatter my hope and also shatter my worry over him still having feelings for me.  This was a good thing, that he doesn't want me.    Shannon didn't seem to believe him though.

"Bull shit, little brother, bull shit."

"Drop it," he said, in a simple and calm voice - which for some reason seemed even more threatening. 

So many things scrambling in my head from the words they just exchanged... and it just made my headache that much worse.  What the hell happened?  Apparently, too much from the sounds of it.  It was just a swirl of questions in my head that only made trying to contain them that much harder. I mean, god, how long has it been?  How much could have happened?  I couldn't let my stupid feelings get in the way any longer.  I needed to talk to them and find everything out.

Taking a few quiet steps back down the hall where I came from, I then turned around and started to walk back towards the entrance of the kitchen where I just was.  Only this time making my foot steps audible so they would think I just woke up and wasn't listening in this whole time like a creep.

Walking into the kitchen, I took everything in.  The first thing being more cluttered boxes and the small round wooden table right there, where only two chairs were.  And in those chairs were the people I concentrated on first.  Shannon sat on the left side of the table and across from where Luke was sitting and facing her.  But upon me entering the dimly lit kitchen, their eyes fell on me instantly. 

I found Luke's first and you could bet... Shannon had made a good case for herself.  Luke's eyes widened and I knew, when they reached mine, Shannon had to at least be somewhat right.  Because those jade diamonds shinning in mine reflected pure worry and vulnerability I rarely saw before.  His breath caught and I saw him blink a few times, lips parting softly and I could see him trying to compose himself.  It was obvious he was over flowing with worry over me.  I wanted to laugh.  He was so protective. 

He stood instantly, and in that action, nearly knocked out the chair from under him.  Supporting a sloppy wear of a white tank top with his uniformed unbuttoned around his shoulders, flailing to the sides with his swift movement.   With it, his matching professional tan pants all cops where in this county.  But though in uniform, I felt he was more of a victim than I was.  Did I get a knife through the hand?  Sure.  But he had to find me, take care of me, all the while handling and controlling yourself when you know the one who did it.  Looking into his eyes, I saw the pain of that moment in him and refusing to leave him.  It hurt him, cut him deep, and infected him.  All I wanted to do was reassure him everything was okay - and beat Clare's ass while I'm at it.

Eyes wide and waiting, he approached me slowly, as if cautious he would hurt me.  I couldn't blame him when I knew he felt this was his fault.  His eyes took me in, checking if I was okay, if I looked in a better than before. With the strict determination in his eyes, I saw that if he became anymore upset, he would break.  From their conversation, he already had. I could believe it too.

Breathing hard, eyes searching my face when he stopped before me, I felt him gently grasp my arms with his hands and take a careful look at me.  I couldn't help but notice that with his hands on my arms, that contact affected the air and showed me just how much he was suffering then.  After all, when the guy's grip was tight and shaking, and eyes begging for what I would have guessed to be his life, I knew he took that infliction of pain.  He absorbed it. 

"Albany..." he sighed in a broken voice.  He shook his head slowly as he spoke to me, searching my face. His eyebrows were arched with lines of worry etched deep.  Lips tight and forcing as even breaths as he could through his nose, I saw the intensifying sadness growing in his eyes.  "I... I-I'm so....  I'm so sorry..." was all he managed to say through his broken words.  Swallowing hard, his voice came back,  "Are you alright?  Shannon patched you up pretty well but I still am worried, I just want you to be okay, do you feel okay?  How's your hand?" he spoke quickly, voice moving up and down in feeling and could see it was as if my presence woke a sense of panic in him that was there earlier, apparently. 

My eyes moved from Luke's to the movement behind him of Shannon. She stood up from the table and I saw she didn't seem worried but rather smug when her eyes fell on Luke as she began to walk towards the sink.  "Yeah, protective my ass," she mumbled as I watched her fill up a glass of water. "Albany," she said in a lighter voice a moment later.  She turned towards me and walked over to where Luke continued to grasp my arms with no promise to let go.  But my focus was on Shannon and her relieved eyes when she took me in as she sipped at her glass of water.  "I'm happy to see you are okay - like I knew you would be.  You were very lucky, really.  The knife went through at a point and missed everything vital for you to have if you didn't want to end up in ER.  There wasn't too much blood so I knew you would be okay.  Not to mention, I picked all the shards out of your back.  So the only thing you will be suffering from is soreness."

"Um...  great?" I said, as if a question.  It was a lot to process guys.  Lets leave it at that especially when she talks so damn fast.

Her lips tilted up slightly in amusement at me and she hummed a hint of a chuckle before she glanced up to her brother with her kind and understanding eyes.  I could tell she was just trying to make me feel better.  But we all knew that Luke was the one that would be best with making me feel better.  And honestly, what I was concerned with, was making him feel better after what happened.

"Luke has a lot to tell you," she said, pursing her lips as she looked up at him, waiting for a response as he continued just to look over me, like an obsessive investigator trying to find any sign that I was still hurt.  Upon her bringing that up though, he pursed his lips as well as he looked down at her beside him with a meaningful expression.  "As for me, I'll be going to bed.  Unless if either of you need anything of course?" she asked, checking.

He shook his head slowly and softly, he said to her, "No, thank you Shannon.  Goodnight."

It wasn't long until Shannon was walking down the hall and heading into a bedroom, retreating to sleep.  I bet Luke needed sleep more than anyone but he wasn't too lucky.  He needed to - or rather made it his job - to tell me everything that happened.  Of course, it took more than a civil and understanding conversation to get that rolling. 

Because just as Shannon shut the door of her room and we were left alone, facing each other in the small kitchen entrance, Luke let it out. 

Staring up into his eyes, my own widened when I saw clouds and waves roll over his vision and I knew he held back when Shannon was here.  His hands still tightly grasping my arms loosened.  Slowly, too as he dug his eyes far in mine.  Chills ran through my body when I felt him move closer to me and down more, his hand that rested on me moved more back and around me.  Like the welcoming home they were to me.  He pulled both our bodies together, strong and muscular arms and hands seemed to desperately cling to me when they fully wrapped around my back as much as they could. 

One hand though quickly moved up and grasped the back of my head gently and guided me to rest against him.  Cheek resting against his chest, I felt him... almost shaking in a sense.  And after a few moments of him just holding me there, I definitely could feel his stomach and chest erupting in rough tremors, as if his body couldn't contain whatever it was inside him.  The build up was there and he just was shaking as he held me tightly against me.  His rapid breathing only seemed to increase too when the hot urgent air moved past my ear.  I was more than anxious to hold him back against me as well.

Wrapping my arms around his strong body, offering a home and support I only knew of his, I bit my lip and slowly let my eyes fall shut.  I wanted to fall away with him in the darkness.  Where we could hide from everything, including any future pain from happening to us again.  And though that wouldn't happen, I just settled for his arms and body - no matter how much it felt as if he were literally about to fall apart from his uncontrollable and spontaneous quivering through his chest and stomach.  Honestly, the only thing I can compare it to is the way one is trying to hold everything in before they start sobbing and shaking like a mess.  Only I knew he wouldn't cry; he wasn't like that with something like this.  But he was a mess, plain in simple. 

The texture of his white shirt, cotton against my silky skin of my cheek, I loved the feeling.  I loved how he felt.  Taking deep breaths myself, as if cleansing myself of every terrible feeling with his calming scent, I relaxed against him as I felt like he was nearly ready to collapse against me with nerves shaking and pain radiating. 

"Luke," I sighed, my breath shaky as well.  I didn't know what I was saying until I actually spoke.  "I tried.  I tried and I- I fucked it up.  I just wanted to bust her and end this and I couldn't!  I screwed everything up so bad!  It's my own--"

"No!" he hissed in my ear through what I could tell was clenched teeth.  "No.  How can you even think about that right now?  I mean... how?  It's so irrelevant when I find you on the floor with a knife through your hand!  And the bitch trying to act like it wasn't her!"

I shook my head against him.  "But I'm okay," I reassured him in a light voice.  Because I was.  I was fine.  I was alright.  I was still here, just with a little bruises. Tilting my head up  slightly, I felt him do the same as he looked down at me, with broken glass eyes.  "I'm here.  I'm fine.  Please know that I'm okay."

"It doesn't matter that you made it out lucky, okay?  What counts is that you were there, fighting her, and I wasn't able to help you.  I wasn't there for you--"

"You couldn't have been!  I told you it was worth this risk, it was my decision, you were at work.... And if you were there, you would have blown our cover if you walked in and found her doing that to me.  You wouldn't have handled it and it would have fucked everything up if she was suddenly clearly exposed and she knew it."

He moved his hand around from the back of my head and messy hair to cup my cheek.  "I still need to be there for you.  I don't care if it exposes her openly, if we have to regroup over it and come up with an alternative... I just want you to be safe.  I just want to make you happy, and protect you, and want you to feel safe for once in your damn life."

I pursed my lips, looking away from him for a moment as I took in his words.  His sweet words that hurt me in return because I knew how much he meant that.  Feeling him softly stroke my cheek, I took in a shaky groan before looking back up at him.  Because now, he was forcing the fuzzy and soft words out of me when he says shit like that.  "I... I feel safe with you all the time.  It's the only time I feel protected and I haven't been... more happier than I have been now.  Understand, my life was shit and ever since you've been around... I've laughed and smiled and lived.  You give me so much, Luke. And I just wanted to make a difference this time and get the evidence.  One beating would have been worth it.  It just... got out of hand was all."

"She put you through the fucking window!  How the hell am I suppose to be okay with that?" he hissed with clenching teeth, breathing hard still.  He was getting louder and I saw the anger heating up in him against him.  His uncontrollable shaking subsided and what was left was his deep yet erratic heart beat. 

"She didn't mean to do that part--"

He didn't care, accident on her part or not.  "I don't fucking care.  Alright?  She did it.  She hurt you.  And I want to fuck her up.  She put a knife through your hand!  Do you understand how much I wanted to kill her?"

I nodded slowly but he only shook his head, telling me I didn't understand.  "You don't.  Because you will never know... how much I hurt for you.  Albany, I would give up everything for you.  Everything.  To see you laying there unconscious, bloody, with a knife through your hand, I can't tell you how close I was to putting a fucking bullet through her head!"

It appeared as if it was my turn to start shaking.  His words hit me hard and a hollow feeling became present in the pit of my stomach as my chest in return filled with a lump.  It burned me.  Not because his words were just powerful but because I hated that.  I hated when he admitted he would give everything up for me.  That's the last thing I wanted.  He has given me so much already, I can't take him continuing doing that. 

"Everything?" I managed to whisper in a quiet voice, wanting validation I heard him correctly.  Because if I did, I would know then just how much I meant to him.  It was an overwhelming, sad, yet beautiful thought.

"Everything," he emphasized. 

I swallowed.  "Everything is a lot."

He almost laughed and I saw a hint of an adoring smile.  He nodded slightly in answer.  "Yes, it is," he said in a sweet and all too caring voice.  

***

By the time Luke managed to accept my state of pain - or at least deal with it later - he and I sat down on the couch next to each other.  Finally, I was about to get some answers and I was more than a little curious. 

Chugging down a bottle of water as I was sitting besides him on the small couch in the dark living room, I waited patiently for him to start talking.  The sooner the better though. Because with more time passing, the more worries and questions came over me that I didn't want to wait to ask for too much longer. 

Sighing, setting the empty bottle down, I turned and glanced back up at him as we sat side by side of each other.  The place being completely dark, the only light for us to see from was the one casting in from the kitchen into this dark room.  Strangely, it was somewhat comforting as we sat there and he started to talk.  As if in the shadows of what I found out was Shannon's small and temporary apartment, it was safe from everything else exposed.  I liked being in the dark.  I felt safe and invisible with my protector next to me.

"So," he started, taking a deep breath. In the dim shadows, I could only see his vague facial expression and the soft illumination of his eyes.  "Shannon and I spent the afternoon looking through files at the station.  I was pretending to other work as to not get in trouble but we were dedicated in just looking into more documents over Clare, her medical history, any doctors.... Anyway, we got a call around 3:30 from Clare.  She was 'hysterical' too.  She was freaking out or so she managed to pretend she was.  Clare spoke so fast, I could barely make it out because she sounded so panicked.  But I finally got her message."

"What excuse was it this time?" I sneered.

He gave an annoyed sign at what he was about to say.  "The gang broke in through the window, assaulted you, and because she is a protective and loving mother, she tried to stop them, only to get assaulted as well.  Which covered for the broken window and why the both of you were in such terrible condition - more so you by far," he said, making me scowl down at the floor when I glanced away from his eyes.  Luke's next words though seemed to get my attention back though.  "Then, she said that they came at you with a knife, stabbed you with it, and then ran off."

Well, I knew there would be an excuse.  I was actually interested in hearing what it was and now that I knew, it was really the only excuse I could think of that would past.  Of course, it was full of holes and Luke, Clare, and I knew it.  She didn't have much else though she could have said to cover her ass like that.

"She called me because she knew if the cops got there, they would actually investigate the scene.  And she knew they would be able to tell she was lying with the way the window shards were outside, not in, and not to mention, the knife she used was still in you hand when Shannon and I got there.  If the cops got their hands on that, it would have been good evidence if they could have gotten her prints. So she figured if she called me, I wouldn't be concerned with what happened, the window or the knife, but rather trying to help you and her.  And in return, I wouldn't have gotten the cops involved anyway.  Because, like her, we don't want to expose her - just yet.  We need to build up the evidence so we acted as if the strange signs pointing to her lying didn't exist and remained clueless on that part.  Of course, I only came to consider all this long after I found you.  Because she was right: you were all I was concerned with right away."

"What happened with the knife then?"

"I took it because it would have also been suspicious of me not to - and only when Clare said to take it, which was weird.  But I didn't bother with anything else because I was concerned with just making sure you were okay."

"Did you find prints on it?"

"No," he sighed.  "She must have wiped it when me and Shannon were on our way. She probably said to take it so it didn't seem as if she was trying to hide anything.  Anyway, when we got there... you were on the floor unconscious, that knife through your hand, bloody and bruised.  Clare wasn't in the best condition either but she wasn't nearly as bad as you--"

I broke in then, needing to clarify with him one thing on why I was a bigger mess than she was.  "Just so you know, I would have whopped her ass all the way to hell and back if I actually had the advantage."

Looking sideways to me from where he sat next to me, he scoffed slightly under his breath, looking away and shaking his head.  He knew I was impossible, actually trying to defend my ass kicking skills when he was talking about a very traumatic moment for him.  I respected that... as long as he knows I tried. 

Licking his lips, I could see the humor on his face even through the shadows that covered us.  "Anyway, you were in the worse condition."  That humor was gone quickly though when he continued on.  "The sight of you was just... torturing," he said, glancing down.  "I... I almost broke.  I know I would have if Shannon wasn't with me when we got there.  Clare was kneeling next to you, trying to tend to you... and that only pissed me off more, seeing her trying to act like she didn't do it.  I was standing next to Shannon in the doorway... and I just, well, I just stared her down and couldn't cover it.  I couldn't hide my disgust in my face, my hate for her when I looked at her and," he paused, sighing and struggling slightly.  "She might have seen.  She might have seen through me at that point.  I honestly would have killed her.  I started to reach for my gun but Shannon grabbed my hand as nonchalantly as she could and forced it to my side.  She wouldn't let my arm go and she was pinching me just hard to keep my mind on the pain of that and not the desire to unload all the bullets in my gun into her sick fucking brain."

My eyes were wide on him by the time he stopped speaking and I knew that Clare now might actually have a good idea of what we were up to.  I doubt she saw him reaching for his gun since Shannon got him through that.  Except, he said... that he stared at her.  And if anyone, I knew how powerful his eyes could be, whether revealing or hiding.  And if he walked in the house, seeing me, he was definitely off guard and revealing. He couldn't keep up that mask at that point. 

"You were going to kill her if Shannon wasn't there?"

He nodded and it was scary, just how sure that nod was.  At the same time, I for some reason came to admire him for that.  "Yeah," he admitted in shame.  "After seeing you, I just didn't care what happened.  Whether I would go to jail for shooting her, tearing up her body... because I wanted to, I wanted to so badly and usually, I can handle those feelings.  I would have lost it today though.

I took in his words and saw he avoided my eyes after he said that.  I can only imagine it was because he was ashamed of himself.  Remember guys, this is a cop who loves his self control despite sometimes needing a risky move.  This was different though.  Luke in the past always responded bad to seeing me be harassed.  He beat up a guy over simple insults when he was arresting him. This broke him today and I knew he was right.  He had that much hate in him over what people would do to me and seeing Clare, queen of it all, I don't blame him one bit. 

"Well, you didn't," I said softly, trying to get his eyes to meet mine again.  "You were strong.  You are the... the strongest man I know," I said, looking down myself though and blushing from the embarrassment of admitting that to him.  I saw that got his attention though and his eyes reached mine again.  "I know my pain hits a nerve with you.  And I don't blame you for almost snapping and killing her there and then.  I understand.  But I'm honestly glad you didn't.  Because if you did that, your life would have been over depending on how you would have killed her.  I'm glad your here, to fight this with me the proper way, even if it's more painful.  Because you're just," I swallowed, getting my thoughts together before pushing myself to finish.  "Because you're just that strong, that type of a man."

His eyes started to melt in mine and I could see, through the various shadows covering us, that a new one was formed along his jaw when I could tell he was clenching his teeth. His eyes never left mine though and they seemed to numb mine, leaving them paralyzed in his.  I couldn't tell what he was thinking, what it was his eyes said as he just stared and searched my eyes.  He was bent forward to begin with, elbows resting on his knees as he was turned talking to me next to him.  His whole frame froze though as he just continued to look to me in an expression I just couldn't read. 

Blinking, swallowing hard when I felt those eyes make a mark on mine, and entering dangerous and somewhat intimate territory, I felt it.  I could feel that tension that was often present between us make it's entrance.  And though at this point, it was a normal occurrence where it could actually be addressed as a friend of ours, I wanted it dissolved - especially when I felt him eyes, undo me, bury into my soul.

"So," I sighed and broke eye contact that felt more physical than anything (like literally pulling away from him).  Clearing my throat, I glanced back to him as I asked, "What happened after you and Shannon found us then if you didn't go on a rampage and kill her?"

"I went to you, and Shannon removed the knife from your hand and quickly wrapped it up in a clothe.  And since she knew I could only take so much with Clare in the room and a gun on me, she said it was an emergency to get you to a hospital as soon as possible.  Being a nurse, she concluded Clare was fine staying at the house while me and her took you to the 'hospital.' In reality, Shannon took us back here to her apartment and later informed Clare that the hospital released you and we were just staying here for the night.  But before that though, when we left the house as I carried you... I didn't a speak a word to Clare that entire time."

Eyebrows shooting up, I stared at him, not understanding what that could have meant.  Because he surely didn't mean he just didn't say anything to her, right?  "What do you mean you didn't talk to her?"

"From the moment I got to the house, saw you, to the time I left with you and Shannon... I didn't say anything to her.  Shannon made all the decisions and all I could do was watch Clare and wonder just how many punches it would take until she would be dead.  I know I messed up with not saying anything to her, with staring at her with accusing hate but I couldn't help it."

"Oh god," I whispered.  And I didn't like what this could mean - at all.  Though I fucked up with the camera, with not properly fighting her back... Luke fucked up in a worse way.  And it was all because he was unable to close off that part of himself to Clare to showed his real feelings.  So Clare... she saw him.  She had to.  See the anger he had over what happened - and the anger that was aimed at her.  And who knows, she might have even seen him reaching for his gun!  With the fact that Luke didn't even bother to say a word to her didn't help, especially when any loving husband would try to comfort his hurt and rattled, bloody wife, didn't help us.  I realized then, that it only made it worse.  Because now, Clare just might be on to us. 

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Sucks only uploading once a week now :/  Hopefully, you will enjoy this enough to be satisfied until the next update!