Chapter 23

Her eyes seemed to have pierced mine for an eternity.  Once they came in contact with mine, they slowly grew colder and colder with every second that passed.  With every second that Clare was finding out what happened from her absent mother.  She called here to tell Clare that I was looking into her past and secretly. That I went out of my way to meet my grandmother for answers. 

Sitting there at the dinner table, stunned at what I was just witnessing, I couldn't do anything.  I sat there, my eyes locked in hers, and I could see the amount of anger fill them, the fire flaming and aimed at me at realizing what I did.  Clare was always so sensitive about her past, always punishing me for even asking her questions.  To go out and actually find the answers... she would not handle this well and I could see that from the look that crossed her face.  Her breathing picked up finally, and after what seemed like forever, she also slowly managed to look down and away from me. 

I watched her lips close and she swallowed, facing away more as I heard her speak once more into the phone.  "Everything?" I heard her ask quietly and I knew why she wasn't being more specific with her answers. 

With her breaking away, facing the sink and out of sight, I slowly turned my head and looked back in front of me.  Across the table, Luke sat there, looking just as confused as I would be if I didn't know what was going on.  Meeting my eyes though after he glanced away from Clare and back to me, I could see he knew I was stunned, shook up for some reason.  He looked so desperate, probably worried at seeing how much this was hitting me, and I watched his eyebrows dip in concern.  That look between us... you knew there would be a talk tonight. 

Because Luke was present right now, Clare had to watch herself.  She wouldn't want Luke knowing this was her mother on the other end.  In fact, she probably didn't want him to know about the abuse she went through for the fact that she knew about this family pattern.  She wanted him to remain clueless as it would be best for her.  So all she was able to do at the moment was give short answers that didn't hint at who she was talking to.

My eyes finding her back facing us, I heard her say no more before she moved the phone away from her ear and lowered it before she hung up.  Hanging up the phone, she put it back on the jack before she turned and faced us again.  And talk about awkward. 

I couldn't stop staring at her at this point, desperate to know what she will do now that she knows about what I did.  With Luke staring at her in confusion as well, she stared back between us and at this point, she hid it all so well. No anger, no nothing.  Just her neutral expression she was able to contain.  I knew that wasn't the case.  She would punish me and I knew it.  I just didn't know how as I waited, tense, not knowing at all what she would do.

The silence was between us thickly as we stared at Clare and she looked back between us.  A smile slowly came to her face though and I saw she would not react to it now but rather later.  Probably with me in private.  She sighed.  "Sorry guys," she said, nearing the table again and sitting back down where her was food still needed to be ate.  Looking up to me with a smile then glancing to Luke, she smiled more before looking down, grabbing her fork, and eating as if nothing happened.  I knew though... she was fully aware of this tension.

With her eyes on her plate, I glanced to Luke and saw his eyes move up and find mine in question.  Pursing my lips, I didn't know how to relieve his confusion.  It would have to wait.  Biting my lip in admitting fear, I looked back down to Clare... I kind of wished she freaked out right now.  Not because it would blow up in her face because Luke was here but because I wanted her to do whatever it was she would do right now, get it out of the way.

"Who was that, honey?" Luke asked her, coming across as clueless - which was accurate actually.

I watched her closely.  She didn't faze; she expected the question.  Glancing up to him as she took a bit of her food, she chewed before she answered easily. "Just an old friend.  She's a bitch though.  I didn't really want to talk to her."

"Hmm," he said, acting as if he brushed it off as I saw him get back to his food as well.  I knew though that this would not be something to be 'brushed' off.  He knew it.  We all did.  She just didn't realize how much Luke was involved and how he and I would be having a talk later.

By the time dinner was over, it went like usual: TV.  I know.  What a fun filled night, right?  Well tonight was a bit different.  It was rather interesting actually.  I was trying all day to forget what I found out about Clare because honestly, I was starting to feel sorry for her.  I was and I shouldn't.  The fact that I knew she was going to punish me now though made me less sorry for her so I suppose that could count as a good thing.  For now though, she wasn't worried about punishing me.  She was worried about the amount of alcohol in the house.

She drinks occasionally and she picked tonight to do so.  My guess was that little chat she had with her mom hit her hard.  It's not like they stay in contact.  Regina just called her to rat me out.  So I had to guess her reason of drinking was because she didn't want to hear from her mother to begin with and because she was probably trying to come up with a good way to punish me.  How I wished 'spankings' were a part of what she did to me.  I would happily take that when I knew she was trying to come up with something more like putting me near death. 

Sitting besides her on the couch, I noticed that instead of beer, she was drinking enough wine to get the same effect. I didn't want to be sitting beside her; I'd rather be where Luke was sitting, on the chair adjacent.  He sat there, carefully observing a very uncomfortable me and his wife nearing the stages of becoming drunk.  He said nothing though.  His eyes were powerful, watching her with calculation.  He knew something was up and he was just waiting to be alone with me to find out.   

"Well," she said in an almost slurring voice, which made me chuckle slightly under my breath.  Because by now, I was past the point of worrying.  She wouldn't do shit to me tonight.  And I convinced myself that whatever it was wouldn't be that bad.  I mean, what could she do to me?  Beat me?  It's not like I haven't grown use to that years prior by now.  "I'm heading off to bed," she finally said, sitting forward and trying to train her eyes with accuracy on the floor. Yeah, she had a lot to drink.

Smirking, taking pleasure in this clearly vulnerable position of her, I watched as she slowly stood up and started to walk around the coffee table and off towards where the stairs were.  But as if remembering something very important, she twirled around with a sly smile on her face.  Glazed eyes landing on Luke, she took a few steps back towards where Luke was sitting, watching her with wide eyes as she nearly fell right on top of him. I nearly laughed with how pathetic she was.

"Mmm... baby," she said, sliding her arms around his neck as she bent over near him from where she was standing.  Moving her lips closer to his ear as if to whisper, I can say it wasn't a whisper because I heard every word she said to him. Unfortunately.  "Want to come with me?" she asked in a suggestive tone that wiped out all humor aimed at her from my brain. "Come on Luke, I want you to bang me as--"

"Clare," he hissed and cut her off, eyes wide and teeth clenching now at her words.  Standing up, he grabbed her arms from around his neck and gently returned them to her sides.  Looking between them, I saw Clare seemed amused by his response, as if just to mess with him - or mess with me when I saw her eyes glance down to mine.  I didn't give her that satisfaction though, no matter how much that hurt me to be reminded of Luke and her doing the dirty deed - with him not even wanting to.  I could only sigh and show as little sadness as I could on my face.  And as I did, Luke wasn't fazed when all he wanted was her to leave.  "Go to bed.  You need to rest," he put curtly, and getting as under control as he could, he softly escorted her towards the stairs.  I watched him with tight lips rest her hand on the railing and guide her up the steps before she could take it from there.  Then soon, the drunk bitch was out of sight, and presumably up in her bedroom to sleep. 

Still sitting on the couch, I was a cross of many feelings, which I didn't enjoy experiencing at the moment.  Disgust at her suggesting words, humor at how stupid she looked drunk, and anxious to know what she would ultimately do as my punishment.  Nervousness came over me though when I watched Luke come back into the living room more.  Walking before me, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply as he made his way back to where he was sitting in his chair.  Now, it was time to tell him since Clare was off to bed. 

"Holy shit," he said under his breath slowly.  His eyes finally found mine and he gave me an apologetic look over that.  The best thing was to get it out of my head.  So I chuckled slightly.  It wouldn't do me any good to keep dwelling over it.

"At least we know she will be out snoring any second.  Maybe if we are lucky, she will just die in her sleep tonight," I said, jokingly.  "Throw up then drown in her own vomit."

Luke's eyes softened slightly and his lips tilted up as he watched me but you could tell he was still angry over her words.  A moment passed between us, of nothing but silence and the contact out eyes were making.  It wasn't uncomfortable, just observing in a way that didn't need to be concerned over.  Finally though, I saw him purse his lips and his eyes searched my face when he spoke.  "So tell me... what the hell was all that that just happened?" he asked, indicating everything from the moment Clare answered the phone to her getting drunk.

I groaned, not at all looking forward to this.  But first, I wanted to get some fresh air.  I felt as if since she found out I went and talked to her mother, an almost suffocating feeling, one squeezing my stomach with anticipation. 

"Do you think we could go outside first?" I asked, catching him off guard when all he wanted was an answer to his question.  But if I were to give it to him, I would rather feel a little better with fresh air. Every time around him, we were inside and I hated the prison that the winter months created.  Sue me for wanting fresh air.

"You want to go for a walk?" he asked in a soft tone.

I smiled slightly and nodded.  "It would make me feel better a little.  I'm just sick of being in here," I said.  Not to mention, if he does yell at me, there is a nonexistent chance of Clare waking, even with the wine probably covering that job.  The little detour outside will also give me a minute to try to get together the words I would say to him.  I should have known though he wouldn't be happy either way.

By the time Luke and I were outside, I still didn't know what to say though.  Glancing to Luke as he climbed down the porch steps with me, taking a deep breath, I felt better already just being outside with him.  The house always carried a certain heaviness with it and with what I was about to tell him, we could do without that suffocating feeling.

Supporting his long wool coat, the tips of his soft wavy brown hair brushing the top of the collar, I saw him stick his hands in his pocket as he turned and came to face me.  Standing before him in the driveway, I saw him give me a sympathetic smile under the light of the moon, the snow illuminating everything as well.  His eyes were especially bright when they met mine and I could see that he was sorry for whatever it was I knew and he was about to find out.  I knew he would be pissed off instead...

"You know," he said in a light loving voice, trying to be reassuring in my opinion.  "You can tell me."  His voice was soft, fragile as he neared me more.  Brushing pass me, I turned and watched as he walked down the driveway.  Turning, I saw him glance behind him to me and smile.  Curious, I saw his arm raise and he gestured for me to follow him down the driveway. 

Coming into step beside him as we walked together, his words rung clear enough and I knew I needed to respond.  Sighing, I told him, "You will be very pissed off.  Just a warning," I chuckled uneasily and I knew he could hear it in my voice.

Shoulder to shoulder as we walked down the driveway, because there was barely any snow on the ground, I followed Luke off to the side and into the patch of scattered trees.  The woods around my house were ones I knew well and were comfortable with.  Apparently he was too.  I wont lie, it was nice to go on a walk with him as he stepped through the land of nothing but bare nature. 

Hearing my words though, he was anything but relaxed after that.  I could feel him through the air next to me tense with his shoulder brushing mine as we walked.  I felt his eyes fall to me and I glanced up myself, pursing my lips when I saw his guarded eyes, darkening slightly at hearing that.  He didn't look too happy anymore.

Sighing deeply, his eyes turned down from mine to the ground.  "Talk then," was all he said in a neutral tone.  From there, he just waited and I knew it was my turn to tell him, fess up.  I decided I would have to put this as nonchalantly as I could, hopefully so it comes across as not a big deal.

Here we go folks.  "Well... you see, um," I scratched the back of my neck and it was instinct to look away but I forced my eyes to stay.  "I went and met Clare's mother, Regina.  I mean, she seemed to be an okay lady, looked just like Clare," I put lightly - in a voice that was too high pitched. 

My words wouldn't fool him, or my body for that matter.  Because as I said every word, I watched with absolute caution, my eyes tilted up to his face as we walked.  Then the next thing I knew we weren't walking.  He froze in place after I said that and it was unsettling in the dead silent night, to have no crunch of the Earth under us, no sounds of movement. 

I stopped with him, desperate to see him and just how upset he would be with me.  Because for some stupid reason, I didn't want to make him upset.  It's not like I ever had much of an issue with it before.  I did now though for some reason.

Pursing my lips, tense and ready to cringe at his response, I saw his eyebrows raise and his eyes widen as I watched him.  Standing before him in the chilly woods, staring up into his hot eyes, his expression shifted greatly at what I said.  His lips parted in a sigh the second he stopped and looked down to me.  For that first moment, all he could do was search my face.  Then... his jaw tightened, chest quickened with his heart beat, and eyes stern.  Oh boy guys. Here comes mean little Lucas to yell at me.  I will admit to flinching honestly when he spoke to me in a darker tone, one under his harsh breath.

"You want to repeat that?"

Yep.  Just like the reaction I expected.  But what other reaction would there have been? Him giving me a hug?  I groaned.  "Look, I'm sorry.  It wasn't for evidence, I just was curious to know about Clare's past and asked her a couple questions--"

"You went over there!  Even when I said that was the worse thing you could do before?" he asked, voice light in a menacing way.  I wasn't afraid of him though.  I just didn't like the feeling of disappointing him.  But I wouldn't regret what I did with the answers I got.

"You know well enough that I don't need to follow your instruction all the time.  That isn't my job," I shrugged innocently, trying to break his sour mood but I knew it wouldn't work.  He was worked up over this. If anything, all my words did was make him even angrier.

"Listen, smart-ass, I don't care.  You did it and it was stupid, plain stupid," he hissed.

"Not with the answers I got!" I hissed back, leaning forward and narrowing my eyes in his.  "I don't really care what you wanted.  I wanted to get answers after years of wondering and I did."

He groaned, tightening his lips as he stared me down.  He didn't say anything to that though for a moment as the silence began to grow. Then he asked, as I saw the confusion come over his face, "Wait, how did you even get there?"

"Not important," I mumbled. 

"Albany," he said in a warning voice.

Sighing, I said, "Look, I made Shannon take me.  She didn't want to but I made her."

His eyes turned darker slightly at that but all he managed was a deep sigh as he looked down away from my eyes in thought.  I could tell he was just trying to process it, really.  I mean, I just told him I went to speak with Regina to get answers.  Might not seem too huge but when you take a step back and look at just the amount of information we were after, I discovered a lot. He just didn't want to accept that yet; what was fresh in his mind was just the fact that I went behind his back about it.  At this point, now that it was out, I didn't feel as bad.  He can go cry in a corner, the little bitch.  I didn't want to disappoint him but what was done was done.  I just want him to understand that.

Scowling, after a minute, he looked back up and met my eyes again. Standing before me, I saw him cross his arms, and lean forward slightly.  Clearing his throat after a moment, he finally spoke. "You are very brave.  But at the same time, sometimes, just so stupid," he said, shaking his head at me and it was as if I saw a hint of amusement in his eyes, which did surprise me.

It was my turn to scowl.  "Hey man, you would have done the same after getting no answers as to why Clare was especially more abusive to me."

He sighed. "I don't know," he said.  "You are one of a kind.  I don't know if I would have found that to be worth it.  But I can see where you are coming from," he admitted, nodding to me in understanding.  Watching him carefully, his stone face melted even more and that hint of his eyes softening and body relaxing more.

I felt the need to smile at his words but I suppressed it for the sake of my dignity. Though I was sure he was able to read me through it.  "See?  Thank you," I said in an over dramatic tone.

"That did not give you the right to go behind my back."

"Yeah, I know," I said, shrugging as we both turned and continued walking on.

He snorted.  "You will never take any orders from anyone but yourself, I see," he said in a light voice but also one of sadness.  Why? I didn't know.  Maybe because he was assuming he didn't have that power over me.  I reluctantly told him otherwise.

"Not true," I said.  "You are... the only one I will ever listen to," I said, looking down and away, kind of ashamed I even just said that. Who the hell was I to actually admit to being vulnerable over him?  I suppose you can't call that vulnerability, just obeying his directions once in a while, but still....

Knowing I was blushing over my pathetic words, I felt his arm come to rest on mine from where we were walking side by side.  Smirking, I felt him turn me towards him more, forcing me to look up at him as we walked together with a sly smile, satisfaction across his face at seeing my blush.  Not to mention the truth of my words.  Ugh.  Just want to slap it off his face....

"Are you blushing, Miss. Almighty Albany?"

I chuckled at his words and pretended as if the cold drained all shades of color from my cheeks.  Scoffing, I shook my head.  "No!"

"Liar," he said in a teasing voice, his hand on my arm hesitantly letting go after a moment as we continued in a steady walk once again.  It was actually quite nice.  Of course, I didn't tell him the worst part yet - that Clare found out - but that would have to wait when he started to ask me questions.

"So what did you find out from Regina?" he asked me, over the fact that I talked to her. 

Glancing up to him, his head craned and looking down to me, we continued stepping over the broken branches and through the small frost of snow.  His eyes were full of curiosity and I was more than happy to give him an explanation I knew he would love to hear.  Hell, I was still processing how it all just fit together.

"Well... it all makes a lot of sense now."  Going through everything Regina told me was overwhelming. There was just so much and I was still getting it all through my head. I hated Clare with all my heart but this... made me view that hate in a different light.  "I found out she was abused by more than her father.  And it was the first time that that abuse was done out of amusement and enjoyment. Which is why she was worse with me."

"What did she go through?" he asked me, eyebrows furrowed as he glanced down into my eyes before looking back up at the path ahead of us. 

"Besides Martin's abuse... a lot.  And the similarities are just fucking creepy.  Regina's cousin would abuse her, but more than beatings.  I told you about the knife that Clare uses on me, the same specific one, each time?  The one even used on Emily and me, still being used on me today...?" I asked, looking up at him in question, seeing if he recalled that. 

"Yeah."

"Well apparently, her cousin used only one knife too to inflict pain, to let it hold all that blood through the memories.  He used that same knife on her.  And it's exactly what she is doing to me!" I said and I caught my voice go a bit too high for Luke's comfort.  I was getting worked up, I could feel.  The beat of my heart increasing, just the memories I had with her and that knife... I was fine earlier but actually talking about it was different.

Luke was able to tell that this was going to be big with what I already reveled to him.  I noticed he stopped walking again and this time, he took hold of my arm to stop with him.  Looking up into his eyes, I saw him purse his lips in thought.  At what I just told him, at what was starting to click into place. 

Taking a deep breath, he led me to sit down on what was a fallen tree conveniently a couple yards away, the bark covered in snow which he cleared off as he led me to sit down and then came to sit next to me.  Turning more towards me, I knew the reason was just because he needed to look deep into my eyes as I told him all this. And even though it was dark out, the snow around us still was bright enough to show me the sad expression across his face he aimed at me.  Saying nothing though, just listening to what else I would have to say, he waited in patience for me to continue.  That was something I really respected about Luke.  He was all ears for me, all the time. 

I explained it all to him.  Everything.  Including the coincidence.  How Regina's cousin would enjoy hearing Clare scream, how he would make her shovel snow without any clothes which Clare would make me do in a similar way.  I told him how it all connected... including the fascinating fact of that man being insane and getting put away in a mental hospital.  I explained my theories, how I thought that was where Clare got her idea to make me insane.... It was a lot to pass down to me but I knew that's what happened. Though Luke understood this couldn't count as evidence because we had no actual proof, it still validated many things for us.

After I told him all this... well, it was expected it would take time to register.  His eyebrows arching in a fair expression to what I said, I noticed his eyes fell away as he let it all sink in.  And though it was out of pure curiosity and wouldn't exactly benefit us, I felt so relieved to finally know.  I could see it in Luke's face too... he was happy with the answers I got, even if I did go behind his back to get them.  It put everything together, let it fit as I always wondered if it could. 

Relief was there.  But not for long.  because I needed to burst his bubble at the reminded of what happened no more than a few hours ago.

Luke bit his lip as he glanced back to me, obviously showing excitement over everything I discovered.  "I can't believe you finally got all these answers you've wanted.  I'm..." he nodded and I could see he was a little hesitant in his words. He spoke them anyway.  "I'm proud of you," he smiled.

I felt my insides expand (not from food, retards) and could feel the heat of his words impact me.  I loved how it felt, loved to know when he was proud of me.  It's not like there have been many people in my life before that would offer up such kind words.  It was too bad I was about to ruin it.

"Yeah..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck.  "You might want to rethink that...."

He gave me a look.  One of those looks that asked if I was serious.  What a bipolar night this was turning out to be.  You can thank me for that, ladies and gents.  "What do you mean?" he asked almost in a warning voice which I would have laughed at if I knew it wasn't aimed at me.

"Well," I sighed, looking away for a moment before back to his eyes.  "I didn't end up staying there for too long."

"What are you talking about?"

"Um, I kind of started screaming at her...."

"What?!" he said, eyes wide, blinking as he stared at me for a response.  Not really out of anger, or shock because what I did wasn't that shocking really, but out of desperation to know just exactly what it was I said to her.

"Yep."  I smiled innocently to him and it didn't help I noticed.  "But I mean, I couldn't help it--"

"Of course you couldn't have," he mumbled under a frown, eyes sagging.  Yeah, he expected as much from me.  Can you blame him though?

"She was terrible!" I defended, shifting more to look him straight on.  And yes, my ass was wet from the log we were sitting on and now, even more so as I moved but I felt as if it was important for him to understand where I was coming from.  "I mean, she was worse than Martin.  She sat back and watched all this happen, didn't even bother to care!  You would have been pissed too if you were there!"

He sighed and I heard him chuckle just slightly under his breath because he knew it was just like me to do such a thing.  "No, I actually figure I would have been able to handle my temper."

Now that I though about it, he was probably right.  "Anyway, it's to be assumed that Regina got pissed off since I stormed out--"

"You stormed out?"

"Well yeah," I said.  "I mean, come on Luke.  I figure that would have been a given after screaming in her face."

He rolled his eyes and could see there was a hint of humor there. "It would have been a given," he nodded and chuckled, making me smile at seeing he wasn't too mad at me over that.  Of course, I didn't tell him what happened because of it.

"So it is to be assumed she was pissed off after I left...." I pointed out.

"Oh I bet."

"Yeah, that's why she probably called Clare at dinner."  I tried the nonchalant card on that line.  It did not work.

I've seen mixed reactions from him tonight. This one took the gold.

I watched his reactions as if in steps because it all seemed to happen in slow-motion for me.  Step one, jaw dropping open.  Step two, eyebrows stitched together in emotion. Step three, the jade of his beautiful eyes reflecting the fear, the anger, the panic I was sure was boiling within him.  Step four, body tense. And seeing all these emotions, reactions radiate from him and directly into me... it was hard, I wont lie.  His chest picked up in speed I could see and because I was sitting, partially facing him relatively close, his hot warming breath came at a faster rate. 

With the cold winter night air around us, the breeze that ran with it brushed Luke's locks around the collar of his coat, his ears, some strands across his face but they didn't faze him and neither did the shivers I could see go up his body.   I knew what he was feeling at it hurt because I felt it earlier when I realized who was on the other end of the phone.  I felt doomed and though I calmed down, I could still feel that hollow and painful feeling of not knowing what Clare would do because of what she found out.

"T-That was her?" he asked me in a whisper, needing to lean towards me to communicate it. 

Biting my lip in fear of what he would do, what he would say, how he would blame me for this... I nodded.  I waited and watched, swallowing hard as I searched his eyes which seemed to be locked in space, in a frame of thought.  

Cautious towards his reaction, there was nothing but silence between us for what seemed to be a very long minute.  I couldn't ask for anything better.  It was either this and yelling and I personally preferred quiet. He didn't disappoint a second later.

He was swiftly on his feet and before I knew it, he turned to look down to me where I was sitting.  Staring up at his towering figure, he cocked his head back as he stared down at me, lips scowling and his jaw was clearly tight.  "Clare knows?!  She knows that you were looking into her?!" he hissed, voice loud enough to be considered yelling because I looked away in a flinch.

Sighing, I took a shaky breath.  "Yes.  Yes, she knows."  I glanced back up at his standing figure, bright eyes.  And I hated how intimidating he was looking down to me like that.  So I stood up and faced him, standing there and staring at him, even if I wanted to look away.  But I wasn't scared of him.  "But the only thing she knows is that I was looking into her.  Just me.  You as far as she knows are still as clueless and Shannon waited in the car.  She just thinks it was me!" I defended back, watching his understanding eyes like before. 

He closed his eyes for a moment, taking even breaths and I couldn't help but search his face.  His smooth cheeks, his soft hair brushing nicely there in an appealing contrast with his pale skin....  It was the first time all night I somehow I gave in and let myself admire his features as I personally enjoyed before.  I refused to do so lately but for reason now, I couldn't help it. He was beautiful.  Even with so much stress over him, it showed his strength.  Lips a pale peach, jaw structure clearly defined with the rest of his body.... damn it, his scent was just as welcoming.  The shampoo mixed in with that faded musky cologne could still make my mind swoon. 

And when his eyes finally opened and met mine, I hit the jackpot.  Facets of brown, of moss, of a bright emerald shinning that I could stare into forever.  Pursing his lips, he shook his head and he was still clearly upset while I was mesmerized.  I know.  How fucking pathetic.

"It doesn't matter," he nearly pleaded.  "I told you that you needed to be careful.  Because this could have happened a million different ways.  All that matters is that one way.  It happened.  And there is nothing we can do about it..." he said, eyes still furious but I could see the fuel fade away. 

"I wanted some damn answers!  Big deal!  I didn't think it would blow up in my face and I'm not stupid enough not to come to terms with what could have happened if the worst did happen!"

"Really?  You accepted that this could have happened?"

"Yes!  And it was worth the risk either way.  She knows but what's the worst she could do?"

"Hurt you!" he said almost immediately.  Biting his lips, he exhaled deeply through his nose. Glancing away from me for that second, I saw his pain.  His absolute worry for me.  I always hated how much he cared, how much he worried over me because all it did was torture him in return. 

I knew why he was upset.  I needed to make that the center of my thoughts and that was he was mad because he was fearing what would happen because of this.  He was mad because this put me in danger.  It did.  I knew that, accepted it, and knew I would get hurt.  And Luke was realizing he needed to accept that too.  He can't stop Clare from hurting me.  He can't be prepared, can't plan to stop her.  If he shows her that he is hanging around me again, that will be a clear give away.  He needed to act clueless like always.  If I get hurt, he can't know about it in Clare's eyes.  He needs to let it happen when he is out of sight.  And I knew how hard that would be for him, especially when it really gets to him when people abuse me.  Knowing it would be coming and he can't get involved would be hard.  But we both knew it would be for the best.  A few bruises from Clare would be worth us keeping this secret from Clare that Luke knew. 

"What's the worst she will do to me as punishment for snooping?"

"It doesn't matter," he hissed in desperation.  "She will still hurt you.  And it's not like I can start guarding you.  It would be so obvious.  I need to go on like nothing happened.  I can't let Clare get suspicious that I know of you looking for answers.  Because that would mean I was looking for answers...."

"Luke, she's not going to do anything to serious to me," I reassured him and was pretty sure on it.  What could she do to me with him around?  A beating could be expected I suppose but so what? 

"I don't care," he whispered in a soft quiet voice to me.  Looking down again, hard into my eyes and planning their contact within me, it felt like such a warm moment shared between us.  "I just want to keep you safe." he said under his breath. 

I smiled sadly up to him as I stepped closer to him.  "I know," I said as I slid my arms around him and hugged him to me.  And oh god, he felt so good against me, so warm and mine... I felt his words, felt his safety here in his arms.  Being away from him or rather avoiding him to let my feelings slowly die was hard so tonight, no matter how strange it sounds, felt like a reunion.  I missed it.  I missed him and every part of him.  But there wasn't anything I could really do about it.  I just needed to let myself enjoy him now because later, it would be back to doing whatever I can to get out of the house, do whatever I can as distraction.

Hugging him to me, I felt his arms wrap around me in return.  Resting my cheek against the fabric of his wool coat, I took a deep breath and let my body relax in his arms as I felt him do the same in mine. "I know you want to protect me.  But it's for the best to just... let everything happen."

I felt him slightly tilt his head down more from where it was resting against the side of my head and felt his nose brush my hair where it was tied up in it's usual bun gently as he breathed deeper. Oh fuck... I missed him.  And I would miss him again. 

"I just want all this shit to be over.  Now."

I smiled slightly at his words and it was at that moment that it dawned on me.  That maybe there was a way to speed up this process of staying with Clare to find evidence.  I mean... why wouldn't it work?  I have actually thought over it a couple times but never bothered bringing it up.  Because honestly, that would be just another risk of being found out.  But if we knew that she was coming after me, to punish me... then maybe it would work this time.

"Maybe we can make it happen that much faster," I said against him.

"How do you mean?" he asked against me hair, my neck and it made chills run up my body. 

"Well... we know Clare will be coming at me to punish me.  And since we know it will be soon, it would eliminate the risk of her finding cameras if we were to set them up around the house.  I mean, within days, she will 'punish' me.  That's better than randomly setting cameras up and hoping for Clare to come at me.  We know she is this time.  So why not record it?"

Silence between us existed again after I said that and I can imagine why.  It was a big idea, one that came out of nowhere.  So I understood his reluctance to answer my proposal right away. 

I felt his arms that were around me move back as he did, sliding his hands back until he could grasp my arms.  Looking up at where he once again stood before me holding my arms, I saw his face showed signs of confusion - and intrigue.

"You're saying... set up cameras around the house to capture Clare in the act?"

I nodded and the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea.  The more excited I felt for it to happened because I had confidence it would work.  Smiling up at him, I said, "Yeah.  I mean, we know she is going to 'punish' me very soon.  Why not use that as evidence?  It would be a huge chunk of the evidence we still need...."

"And if she finds the cameras?" he asked, still skeptical over all this.  He was the cautious one for this type of stuff.  Because he knew just the amount of risk involved for me. 

"Then I take the blame. I was the one that set them up, not you--"

"Albany, she will make it so much more worse for you--"

It was my turn to cut him off.  "Wont it be worth the evidence if we do capture it on camera?"

And it was because he wouldn't argue, couldn't fight me on this, that I knew what we were about to do.  A new game was about to be played.  With the help of those cameras, I was determined to win.

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Hey, didn't have time to finish editing the ending so sorry about that.  Anyway, I hope you guys don't think this one dragged because I tried not to make it so but I understand how it could have been.  And finally, cameras are going up!  I know you guys have been wanting that now for a long time but it was always planned to happen!