Chapter 17

She was a pretty woman in her early thirties, it appeared.  Her eyes were a sharp blue, observing and taking everything in in a curious fashion.  To me, that was a hint she was open minded like she should be.  She held a nice polite smile for me when she first saw me and looked me over and with it, I took her in as well and noticed she also had straight light brown hair cascading over her shoulders, her bangs stopping just above her eyebrows.  She looked professional in her nice grey sweater - appropriate for the environment of her patient's depression obviously - and khakis.  She looked quite nice. though to be honest  It was too bad she was about to meet me.   

"Albany?" she called out into the waiting room.  And boy let me tell you guys: damn!  Everyone seemed so dull and maybe depressed.  The beautifully decorated walls helped with nothing but the vivid color of gray and nothing else but some pictures of flowers on the walls too.  Carpet was gray, the atmosphere was gray, everything seemed gray (except the one black woman in the room waiting for her turn with  her therapist).   That is a clue: therapy wont help if they can't even manage to give their patients a proper fucking waiting room. 

Sighing, I stood up and glanced back at where Luke was sitting beside me before.  He gave me a sad smile, knowing this would suck for me. He understood I wasn't the type of person that wanted therapy even if I somehow would qualify as needing to see one.  I don't opening up to strangers and though that was fine and helped some people, that just wasn't for me.  So he was full of sympathy - which just made it all that much more better.

Though I didn't want to be here,  Luke told me before we came to just tell the truth, tell my story, just nothing about trying to get evidence against Clare or the gang.  He said just tell her about me and my past. I knew he didn't say that  though because he thought I actually needed help.  He just thought I should make the best of this since he knew how much I would hate it.  However, his definition of 'make the best' was different from mine.  Because if I were to make the best of this situation, it wouldn't involve cooperating exactly. But since I am an angel, I will at least try to make Luke happy. I didn't say it would last long though. 

I didn't want to tell her anything.  I'm not the type to open up to strangers, as you guys know.  So it was natural to ignore Luke's words the moment she took me back into the little room for our hour long session.

"Albany, my name is Veronica and it will be a pleasure to be working with you," she said as she took a seat in a comfy looking desk chair when she led me into the room.  Her voice was kind, soft and her eyes and smile were also gentle when she sat down and looked up at me. 

Looking around, I noticed her deck was cluttered with papers where it faced the wall in the seemingly tight room. This place was a smaller building located near downtown we noticed when we pulled up. So I wasn't too surprised of the dense space, but I just was hoping to be able to breathe a little; I didn't think that was too much to ask for.  

Where she sat though was out a few feet from her desk and facing the other chair across from hers as I sat down in the best seat in the house - a La-Z-Boy recliner. All the more reason to give in to questions - if your ass is comfortable, your mouth wouldn't have an issue with speaking up.  So overall, unlike the waiting room, it was a little nicer. The walls were actually a soft brown. 

I noticed there was a window to my right on the adjacent wall that showed a great view of the parking lot.  There was a book case in the corner a few feet away from her with board games (or what I would guess are psychological torture techniques to get inside the patient's head).  There was a wooden,, long coffee table between us as well.  But the center of my attention was what took me a while to locate: the clock above my head behind where I was sitting.

I didn't want to sound rude but I suppose she brought this upon herself; she knew enough about who I was not to expect me to be normal in comparison to probably her other sobbing patients. "Um, do you think we could maybe move the clock on the wall across from me and behind you?  No offense, I just don't want to keep turning my head that often to look up at it."

Her grin grew slightly as she looked down into her lap at the clipboard with papers on it and a pen.  "So you don't want to be here, huh?" She asked me, looking up at me with her piercing blue eyes after she stopped writing. 

"Correct-O."

"Do you mind telling me why not?"

I internally groaned.  I didn't want to explain shit to her.  But like I said: I'm an angel.  "I don't believe in psychology," I smirked, looking down.  "Plus, it's a waste of my time when I could be doing something else." Like at home, thinking about how great it is there and not here.

I saw her write something down on her clipboard and that got my attention a little.  Her eyebrows were smooth as were her lips... blank face as she wrote for just a moment before looking back up at me.  "Well, why don't we start with something easy?  Just tell me about yourself and whatever you are willing to discus with me."

My loving nature could only last for so long.  It was automatic when I answered.  "Well, I'm Albany and I'm a sex addict.  Always have been.  It's something I'm kind of proud of because it makes me look forward to my dream: of being a prostitute.  I mean, practice is the best way to master something.  I take it after my mother of course.  My dad was an astronaut and he is still up in the stars somewhere.  It's believed he was abducted by aliens, but you never know with something as complicated as Martians.  My past consists of swimming in the big sewage drains or tunnels - kind of a hobby of mine.  I always loved how it felt." 

When I stopped speaking, taking a break to make sure she took all of that BS in, I hid my smile at seeing her just stare at me. I enjoyed being sarcastic; it was a proud trait of mine.  She didn't think so though was my first thought.

However, I noticed it wasn't a stare of disgust but expectancy.  It made me nearly fidgety in my seat when I felt her eyes still on me, staring - but staring blankly at me for the longest time before she finally spoke in a calm voice.  "This is on your time.  Not mine.  You can continue to be uncooperative but it wont change anything; if we discus the real issues at hand with you then it might actually help us get somewhere," she suggested. 

Her deep words weren't getting to me, people.  I mean, I kind of felt bad because she was serious and I wasn't when I continued to speak.  Especially when my words were for my own amusement.  I openly sighed and looked up to her with 'honest' eyes and showed I was done fooling around.  But really, I was only just starting.

"Okay, you're right," I said in a lower voice, as if ashamed I tried and failed to hide my issues.  Showing her I was a little hesitant, I slowly asked her, "Do you think we could talk about this one issue I have...?" I asked, 'embarrassed' to bring it up.  On the inside, I was laughing at my idea.

She lightly smiled and was happy to see I was cooperating with her now.  She nodded and sat up straighter, getting her clipboard ready.  "Yes, of course."

"Well... you see, I have this problem with my stepfather," I started.  "I'm too embarrassed to discus this problem with him because he's one of the only people I enjoy being around so I don't want to hurt his feelings."

"What's your issue you don't want to approach him about?"

"I mean, it nothing serious.  It's just something that really bothers me because I hang around him so much.  He's like my only friend so the last thing I need from him is his odor," I said, keeping up my serious act as best as I could - with sighs, cringes, and pursing of my lips on the horrid subject of Luke's nonexistent hygiene problem.

I watched as her eyebrows dipped low in confusion for a moment and it was like she continued to try to process it in her head but it just wasn't working.  "His... odor?" she asked, as if unsure if she heard me right.

This was just great at this point but the key was I couldn't laugh or smile at my immature play.  So I shook my head in disgust at the thought of his smell and showing her just how bad it is.  "Yes! Oh god, it is just so bad. He stinks so bad and usually, I'm upfront but I can't be with him and for some reason that really bothers me," I said, setting her up with an explanation on how his odor problem could go deeper: because it's the first time I was afraid to speak up about it.  See?  I can fool even the most trained people involved in psychology.

"Alright," she said, nodding, and writing something else down on the sheet of paper.  She was just happy we were getting somewhere.  "Now, how does that make you feel?" Veronica asked after she was done and looked back up at me.

Ha!  I was just waiting for that question.  "Well, uncomfortable that I can't speak up about his incredible stink!  I mean, I almost need to plug my nose around him.  When out in public he's fine but not at home.  I don't know what it is but he just stinks up the entire room!  Do you think...."  I pretended to hesitate, as if a little shy to ask my next question.  "Do you think you could maybe talk to him later about it and put it in a way that wont hurt his feelings?" 

"Of course I can talk to him.  I will after this hour is up.  Would that make you feel a little more comfortable around him?" She was more than happy to help.  It made me feel bad that it was just a joke.

I bet Luke wont expect that.  He's just sitting in the waiting room, waiting for me to get done with my hour.  He wont expect that coming and it will be hilarious to see his reaction to what she has to say to him.

I sighed in relief.  "Yes, it would make me feel so much better."

"Good," she smiled and wrote something else down more.  With her eyes distracted, I let myself bit my nearly smiling lips before I brought up another 'problem' of mine I wanted to discuss with her.

"I have another issue like that.  But it's an issue I have with a larger group of people, which you can't actually fix and I need to somehow deal with," I said, looking down at my hands in my lap, ashamed of this problem too.  Finding the 'guts' to speak up what it is a second later, I looked in her eyes and told her, "You see," I sighed, incredibly serious.  "I have this issue with Asians."

I waited for a response and when she nodded for me to go on, I did, happy she was buying all of this.  "I feel so... intimidated by the entire race." I shifted more in my chair, grabbing the side of the chair and pulling the level for the little foot rest to extend from the rest of the chair.  Smiling at how good this chair felt, I knew only to enjoy it but not let it control my words.  No.  Not when I had a good story cooking up for her.   "I mean, every Asian I've met is just so smart," I complained.  "And it really bothers me because it makes me feel dumb.  But it's not like I can just tell a good fraction of the world that they need to dumb it down for me to feel better about myself."

"So you're intimidated by Asians?"  I could just see it in her face, the slight shock there at hearing my issues. Yeah, she never had a patient like me before. 

"Yes, very much so."

***

I went on about Asians for a while. Then the subject moved to something more serious: my terrible problem I have with hearing the word 'cock' - that it's just such a violent sounding word.  Not to mention my issue with other people's shoes, the fear of my own hands strangling me, and I even told her a story from my past, about how I asked to see a man's balls when my mother never gave me the talk.  If only that one wasn't true like the rest....

It was honestly a fun time for me, messing with her even though I knew she didn't deserve it and even though I'd rather be some other place.  She didn't object to anything I brought up but that was because she was just happy I was talking.  What she didn't understand was my humor and what I confessed to her was completely false.

By the time the hour was up, I felt so relieved to get out of this atmosphere.  She put the papers in a folder before setting them on her desk. She stood up and I did the same, smiling politely.  "That wasn't so bad now was it?" She asked me as she neared the door of the room with me to lead me back out into the waiting room. I either thought that was policy or maybe because she thought I would need it.  But it was because she was going to be calling Luke back there for a moment I realized a second later.

I shook my head.  "Not at all.  I found it might be very helpful."

"I hope so," she nodded and gestured for me to go first out the door before she followed behind me and we walked back out towards the waiting room.  "And I'll call your stepfather back to my room for a moment and discus his... hygiene issue."

"Good.  Thank you," I smiled and with her walking behind me, I was able to let that smile stay at the humor of what was about to happen with Luke.  He would be so pissed off but he would find it funny at the same time I think.  He's getting pulled into my little act before he even knew it.

Walking through the short gray halls, when we reached the waiting room, my eyes found Luke's among the many still sitting there from before and a few that must have just come in.  They all were reading magazines, playing on their phone, staring at the colorful walls....  Luke was just sitting there, tense and watching where he knew I would appear from the hall.  He was sitting in the same chair he was before.  Only now when I noticed his eyes find mine and my smirking lips, he looked a little relieved that it was over and that maybe I took something away from what happened.  Then at seeing the teasing eyes with my smirk, he knew something was up.

"Mr. Prenta?" She called, not knowing who he was and I continued to walk towards him.  Looking confused, he stood up and looked towards Veronica, who was waiting at the entrance of the hall when she called his name.

"Yes?" he asked her.

"May I speak with you for a moment?"

Luke's hopeful smile dropped at seeing she wanted to talk with him.  At that moment, he realized something.  And that was either I was a terrible patient and she was about to scold him for it or he probably thought that maybe I said something terrible about him as a joke (which wasn't necessarily false).  Or who knows, maybe he was just confused and thought she wanted to get to know him more for some other reason. 

Seeing that she wanted to talk, he knew one of those options were probably the reason. So it didn't surprise me when he looked down at me with confused eyes. I could only bite my nearly smiling lips and say, "I'll be waiting in the truck."

With that, I headed out the door and to his truck while he went back into her room I was just in for the last hour.  How I only wish I could have gone with them and stayed to see his reaction to hearing that I think he has a serious odor problem.  It would have been the funniest shit... I could just imagine seeing his eyes widen and his eyebrows raised, thinking that maybe he heard her wrong.  Maybe it was best it was only him in there though.  Because if I was, I doubt both of us could continue keeping a straight face, knowing I set Luke up like that. 

His reaction though when he got into the truck about ten minutes later helped though.  I was watching the front doors of the building for the longest time it seemed, waiting for him to come out and when he finally did, I smiled.  This would be good.

Opening the door on the driver's side next to me when he got to the truck, he got in and came into sight from my side.  The first thing I noticed was his straight face.  He was not looking like a happy trooper.  There was also enough red in his cheeks to be considered a full on blush.  Awe.  He was embarrassed.  After all, he just found out my therapist now thinks he smells gross.  Now I did feel a little bad but not enough to let that kill my amused mood.

Luke's eyes refused to meet mine at first at getting in but once he shut the door, he paused for a long moment and slowly, he looked up to his side at me.  I had to bite my laughter in.  "How did that chat go?" I smirked.

"Did you not hear me when I said tell the truth and be serious?" He said, not sounding mad but his voice was a bit lower and I couldn't read his face at the moment.

"Yeah and I tried.  But why should I when in the end, it wouldn't matter.  It's all confidential."

His eyes slowly filled with amusement and his lips couldn't stay straight for much longer at thinking over some of the things I must have told her.  He couldn't stay mad at me when he knew I meant it as a joke and when I dragged him in on it.  He narrowed his eyes, more playfully at me.  "I stink?  Could you embarrass me anymore?"  He said, his lips growing into a full out grin.

I broke out in laughter.  "It was so funny watching her face while I told her about all of my 'issues,'" I chuckled.

He shook his head, not believing I did that.  But at the same time, I saw that spark in his eye that said he knew it was just like me to do something like that.  He smiled sweetly before he chuckled again under his breath over what just happened. 

"So what did she say to you?" I asked.

"She started saying that you were uncomfortable around me because you were afraid to tell me that I have 'a certain scent that doesn't appeal to you.'" He laughed, shaking his head.  "The biggest BS story of all mankind and she believed you," he muttered.  Looking to me, grinning, he asked in a serious voice, "Would it help if I take more showers from now on?  I mean, it's not like I want you to smell my stank."

I nodded, happy he was finding this as funny as I did. "Oh thank god, that would really help."

After that and a few more cracks over what happened, Luke started the truck and we headed home.  In those moments, I felt the relief that's been gone for a while.  No tension at all and just a few laughs.  Hm. Maybe something good did come out of going to therapy. 

***

Tonight, I was babysitting Brooke while Francis went to the gang to 'work his magic' as he said.  Of course, I called it a little something like 'mocking a walking dead man' but it's not like he would listen.  Francis is determined and there was nothing we could do to change that.

I kind of thought about refusing to when he called and asked.  Maybe not even accepting the job so maybe that would force him to stay home.  I didn't want him going out there for me, risking everything like he was.... Jesus, it scared me and though I loved babysitting his daughter, it wasn't worth it if it meant him gone and in a dangerous situation.  Like I said though, Francis didn't seem to listen or care because he was set fully on doing this

Before Luke went to drop me off at his house, we had dinner first since it wouldn't be until 7:30 that Francis needs to leave.  So that meant more family time.  Yippee-Skippy-fucking-do. 

However, tonight was a little different.  It didn't only consist of the usual 'how was your day' shit.  This time was different.

Luke cooked tonight and it was the average dinner: lasagna with garlic bread.  Dinner started the same and that was usually with stupid-ass questions.  I saw Clare's question come from a mile away considering she must have been happy about where I went today.  After all, it was the only other option besides the nut house. 

"How did you like going to therapy today?" She asked, her voice polite to me like always... ugh.  Wanted to just rip it out of her throat.

"It went great," I said, voice just as fake and happy as hers, mocking.  "I told her all about you.  Your past issues, all those lies you told your husband, the embarrassing things I've seen you do.... I even told her about the time you shit your pants in public a few years back" I said, teasing her but hoping she would by it (even though I made that thing up about shitty her pants to make her mad).  Looking into her piercing eyes, behind the glassy false flecks was the obvious hate for me. That's all I wanted at the moment: to piss her off.  I wasn't over what she did to Jack and it made me only more eager to be mean to her at any given chance.

Sighing, she went on as if I didn't answer that.  "Would you say you enjoy going?"

"Yeah, it went great.  I mean, what could one hour of truth out of me hurt?  Better than an hour of being strapped to a bed and forced shots I suppose." I said and she only ignored that, looking back down at the plate as she continued picking at her food.  Smirking, I glanced up to Luke to see his observing eyes on the both of us before I also took another bite.

Silence erupted and flowing in the air, the topic of conversation took a quick turn after that when Luke broke the small silence that was beginning to grow. He obviously thought this to be the best time to bring it up and I couldn't have thought of a better time once I heard what it was he had to say.

"So..." he started, getting our attention as I looked up from my plate as I chewed and Clare looked up as well.  "I have been thinking, Clare," he said, eyes on hers the whole time but I knew this was meant for my ears too.  "Spring will be here in a few months and I've been thinking for a while about maybe installing a pool in the back."

It was casually brought up.  It was a casual topic (for any other family).  But it didn't get the same response. 

My own eyes widened at what he said and what that would mean. One step closer to freedom was the first thought.  Then the relief I would receive with it... with finding her. When my eyes darted over to Clare's wide eyes now, I saw she was coughing now on her food she was chewing when he told her - heavily.  Ha!  Bet she didn't see that one coming and though neither did I, Clare was the one that needed to start covering her ass and quickly.  She wouldn't want us digging up my sister if we were just innocently trying to put in a pool, after all.

"A p-pool?" she asked, her voice a little higher than normal but she held her act, her blank face.  "Wow Luke," she said, pretending to really think it over.  And she was but not whether we should get it.  But reasons why we absolutely can't.  "Well, I mean I don't know.... Who would use it?"

I smiled.  "I sure would," I said, smirking at Clare.  Unlike Luke, I could show her how great this was for me because she knew I knew the truth.  Luke had to act clueless.  "I think that's a great idea Luke," I said, grinning up at him from across the table when I glanced to him. 

He smiled at me for only a small moment before looking back at his wife, waiting with loving eyes for an answer that could help us out tremendously.  Looking to Clare as well, I leaned forward and took another bite of lasagna, enjoying the show as I should in what was turning out to be an internal conflict in Clare.  She kept her cool though as she spoke back to him softly

"Well, I mean I don't know.  I don't think I'd use it and Luke, would you really use it?"

He pretended to think that over too before he nodded.  "Yeah," he said.  "I would.  I think it would be fun.  Especially when I could get an excuse to see my wife in a bikini," he said jokingly to her, winking towards her and hoping she would give in. 

She laughed but it came out a little nervously because she most definitely did not want this pool.  But I knew she was being pressured to it.  She didn't want to disappoint Luke because I knew she had so many times in the past.  However, I mean, for her sake, this was a huge risk in her getting caught if she let us do this. 

"Come on mom, it's not like there is a reason we can't have a pool," I winked and I could feel Luke's eyes on me, and when I turned towards his eyes, they were questioning and acting as if he had no idea what I meant.

"It would be a lot of work to--"

"Like you ever do anything anyway," I cut in, scoffing under my breath.

"Then maybe with your attitude, you don't deserve a pool," she said as a last resort and I snorted even louder at that.   

"That's your only excuse left!" I laughed at her, disgusted, frustrated, and amused at the same time.

Luke cut in then, not wanting to pressure her if it would only mean making her more defensive.  "Clare, just think about it, okay?" he asked her softly with a kind smile, getting her eyes back to him and I noticed she immediately calmed down when her eyes found his soothing ones. 

"O-Okay," she said back, smiling to him and nodding, happy to get a little freedom from the subject that clearly terrified her to pieces.  Wish she would have just crumbled from her tense nerves but one could only wish and god can only continue to pass up opportunities to reward the good in the world.

Dinner ended quickly after that.  Clare was the first done (shocker) and then after we finished up, we had to go over to Francis's house.  This time I drove though since it's been awhile since I have on my permit and though I was driving, I couldn't help but talk to him over what happened at dinner.  Luke and I didn't speak a word of what happened until we were far enough away from Clare and being in the car, we finally could.

"I can't believe you brought up a pool," I said, smiling and shaking my head as I turned out of the driveway.  It was a huge step.  The idea was crazy.  I loved it.

"Well, I figure that if we can get her to agree and have her pick the spot for the pool, that's a huge chunk of the property we would know your sister wouldn't be in."

I smiled and I couldn't stop. It nearly distracted me from driving but I was still focused enough.  I drove where Luke directed me too.  After all, I only been to Francis's house a couple times and couldn't recall the route we took before.  The roads were dark at this time and even a little slippery from the snow that fell earlier but that couldn't keep my thoughts from straying just slightly.

Ever since Emily died, I had wondered where Clare had buried her.  It always bothered me and it was an unforgettable moment when she did it.  I was locked away and it was impossible for me to know where she put her.  All I knew from her constant paranoia after that and a few other things was that Emily was buried on our property.  It was a big relief a few months ago when I found out Luke had a sprinkler system installed as well as landscaped.  It meant that those were a few less places she could be and really, that left the back yard wide open. 

Now, we were narrowing in on her and I can thank Luke for that.  If she says yes to the pool and decides where it goes, that's one less place her body is.  That meant we were getting closer.  I never had closure and I never bothered with it; closure was a baby's game and I just dealt with it.  But I knew if we found her, I knew some peace would come to me.  After all, it's not just the fact that Clare killed her. It was that Clare killed her over my mistakes.

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Hope you liked it!  It was fun for me to write this one especially.  What did you think of her time at therapy and Luke's suggestion of getting a pool?  I hopefully can upload soon again.