Chapter 12

"Okay, we will start with the basics," he said in a professional voice, one that made me smirk slightly. 

Standing before him in the living room, the coffee table and couch pushed off to the side to make room, I was ready to learn how to fight.  Oh I'm sorry, I mean, 'defend myself' as Luke corrected me over and over this morning.  Both of us clothed in sweat pants and tank tops, we were ready to do some work.

"As in...?" I asked, looking up into his serious green eyes and waiting.

"Where to strike your attacker when face to face."

I nodded and my smirk turned into a full out smile.  Shifting back and forth on both feet anxiously, I was filled to the top with excitement.  "Groin, right?"

He cracked a smile of his own and nodded.  "Among other places but yes," he paused a moment before he went on, looking at the space between us and taking a step back to properly position ourselves if this were a real situation.  "Now, if I am your attacker and I grab your wrist," he said, taking a hold of my wrist tightly.  "Do not move closer to me to defend yourself.  Stay at a distance when I grab your wrist.  Your first option would be to kick me with your knee.  If you are close enough without an option, you have a couple things you could do.  One being my nose."

With his other hand, he took mine and led it up towards his face.  Ignoring the burn of contact, I met his eyes in mine before glancing back to where he was guiding my had.  "Now, if I'm holding you in a grip by your wrist, you can with your other hand, go for my nose by raising your palm," he continued as he moved my fingers and tilted my hand up more until my palm was close to pressing just under his nose as he spoke.  "...like this, and strike."  Lowing my hand after showing me, I took note that he didn't let it go yet.  Whether intentional or not, I wouldn't complain as he continued talking.  Staring up into his piercing eyes, close to him, I tried to pay as much attention as I could.  "Now, you could also go for other sensitive areas such as my eyes and my neck.  You can use the outer edge of your hand for this with a tightly formed fist, your knuckles...." He raised my hand back up to show my what he meant, curling my fingers in the way he said to before dropping my hand again, this time letting it go. 

When he stopped speaking and watched me curiously, as if to see my reaction to this, I nodded in approval before I tried to nonchalantly say, "And of course with the groin...?"

He scoffed.  "You already know that move," he said mischievously, raising his eyebrows and it made my heart flutter in surprise.  Registering his words to be somewhat too playful, he continued on, saying, "The first night we met, when I arrested you, you gave a one hell of blow to my groin." 

After the words were out, I think he realized just how they sounded.  'Blow to my groin.' I shook my head resisting to laugh.  He didn't mean it that way and he immediately reworded it.  "I mean you really kneed me... Hit my-- no.  You did a good job defending yourself by going for my groin so there is no need going over that."  He groaned and I could see a blush reach his face.

I couldn't stop my laughter now.  He just couldn't put it in a way that would sound appropriate.  Either way, I knew what he meant.  When he arrested me, I kneed him in the groin and it was effective enough, to say the least.

"You can't explain it without sounding dirty," I laughed up at him, biting my lip and seeing him smirk after a moment.  "Anyway, I take that as a complement."

Taking a deep breath, he went on.  "Alright, we should move on to the next thing."

"Good," I said.  "This is easy so far.  The basics were kind of common sense."

"Easy?" he asked, unbelieving. 

"Yeah, so far," I said, shrugging. 

The next thing I knew though, he moved out of my sight swiftly, moving behind me.  Before I knew what he was doing, and before I could follow him with my eyes, he pressed up behind me and against my back.  Swiftly wrapping his arms around me tight, he had me in a tight grip, clearly meant to trap me from escaping.

"So easy?" he asked softly, his voice brushing the back of my ear and making a chill travel over my neck. I felt his arms that were resting on my stomach come to tighten, pushing my back more against his chest.  "Try to escape me now."

Not wanting to fall victim to him - in more ways than were clear that could happen - I knew I couldn't give up.  And that meant not letting my confidence fall even though I knew I was doomed in this position.  "No problem," I scoffed, trying to push back against him, move my arms and elbows to hit him but it was useless.  He had me trapped against him and with not too many options to move.

I struggled hard though, grunting and trying to break free but all he did was bend a little, put more weight over me with the help of gravity and I knew it was hopeless.  "Ugh," I groaned, going slack.  "Fine, what do I do to escape?"

His even breath nearly distracted me from everything but I needed to remind myself that I asked for this, I wanted to learn this and I couldn't let myself get preoccupied with his body and him as a whole against me.  "You drop your weight.  Go slack but not fully.  Get down low and with my arms still around you, raise your elbows behind you and move them back to hit me on each side of my face."

Lowering my eyebrows in confusion, I tried to understand his first words.  "When you say drop your weight, do you want me on my knees or just low on my feet?"

"Still on your feet," he said, arms loosening and assisting me into position for what he meant.  Fingers resting on my shoulder, he pushed down to indicate for me to bend my knees.  Doing so, I got lower and after I was squatting low enough, he said to stop.  When I did, his hands returned around me in the original hold he had on me.  "Now that you dropped your weight, lift your elbows up and twist your body so to hit me or even elbow me in the face.  Since now that you are low and I'm trying to support you, my connection is stressed."

"So..." I tucked my arms in and therefore, let my elbows raise.  "Like this?" I said, jerking my elbow up slowly and towards where I thought his face to be.

I couldn't see him but his breath and the words he spoke down my neck were the same effect as a sight of him.  "No.  You can't see me so you are just taking a lucky shot."  He unwrapped his arms from me once more to show me. Placing his hand on my folding arm, he rested his other on my waist.  "Um, from here you twist," he said, guiding me to do so from my side.  "Back and forth and when you do, have your elbows up so as you twist, your elbows are swinging and would hit the side of my face.  Otherwise, if your attacker is holding on with enough of a grip, just jerk back with your elbow like you just did and most likely, your will elbow your attacker in the face."

Arms back around me, I did as he said and correctly this time.  Of course, everything was done in slow motion so I didn't hurt him.  "Is that right?" I asked.

"Yeah but now, we should do it at regular speed," he said, backing off me.  Looking behind me at him, he moved back a few feet.  Taking in his face, I saw he was stone with his feelings.  I mean sure we could joke but to him, this was serious too.  I admired that about him, just like I had yesterday.  If only I was as focused.  Just his scent was making me light headed around him.  Having him touch me like he was wasn't helping me either.

"So now you are going to attack me?" I asked, letting that take my mind's attention.  The excitement of this could cloud my issues of being close around him. He was actually going to attack me.

"Yes.  So be ready and remember what I just taught you," he said, standing behind me and motioning for me to turn back around and await his attack.

Grinning, I turned back around and faced the opening to the kitchen, awaiting his attack.  Not knowing seemed to be the best part, when he would come at me from behind.  I waited and not a second later, I felt his arms circle around me roughly and so fast, I was shocked at the speed.  However, I remembered what he had just showed me and though instinct, I didn't struggle like I wanted. 

I dropped down more, bending my knees, and therefore straining his arms.  In the next movement though, I bucked back with my elbows raised and twisted my body simultaneously to hit the side of his face.  Of course, he froze the procedure by letting a hand leave my side to stop my elbow from making contact.  It was only because he knew it was coming and didn't want me to hurt him.  "Good, that was very good," he complemented me from behind.

Raising myself back up to a straight standing position, his hand came to rest around me with the other again naturally so.  "Really?" I asked. 

"Yes," he said, voice brushing my ear again since I was standing.  "That's perfect," he said from behind me and in the next moment, when I turned around to face him, I forgot I was still in his arms.  Turning into his chest, mine against his as I looked up at him, smiling in excitement, I felt it dim at how close I realized I was to his face. 

"That was cool," I said, nodding.  "I feel better actually knowing something."

His eyes seemed to widen when they reached mine in the short distance and he let out a long breath.  Grinning as well, brightly with his nice straight white teeth presented, I felt my heart tumble again.  So close....  His gorgeous jade eyes moved over my face and down a little between the distance between us and a moment later, his eyes lit up and eyebrows rose before he glanced back up at my eyes when noticing something.

"You're wearing the necklace I gave you," he pointed out, surprised.

I chuckled softly and was happy he forgot that I was in his arms, holding me against him.  I don't know how he could have forgotten; I couldn't get it out of my mind.  "Of course.  I've worn it every day since you gave it to me."

His eyebrows lowered slightly when they met mine but his smile seemed to grow.  "I'm glad.  I just didn't figure you would now since I'm teaching you self defense techniques."

My mouth betrayed me and it was out before I could take it back.  "Well that's too bad because I don't plan on ever taking it off," I said in a teasing voice but one that was true.

He licked his lips and his bright smile seemed to grow.  Exhaling, his eyes showed the happiness he possessed when he heard that.  However, a minute later, it was a relief for my exhausted heart when he instantly saw how close we were and let me go, taking a couple steps back.  Watching him carefully, he couldn't keep that smile off his face though.

"Okay," he said, getting back on track.  "Now, we will do something that will commonly happen when engaged in a fight with a stronger opponent.

"And what's that?"

"Your attacker will pin you to the ground."

"Not if I run," I argued but I wont lie: I was excited to see where this would be going. 

"Knowing you, you would fight," he scoffed.  "But if you are given the option to run, you run no matter how much you may want to fight.  You run."

I nodded understanding and when I waited, I was slightly amused to see him step closer to me but stop, trying to find a delicate way to do this.  To pin me to the ground.  "Uh, okay now, just...." He came closer to me and wrapped an arm around me, guiding me to kneel on the floor as he did the same.  Trying to hide my amused grin, I kept my eyes down and did as he did.  When we were both kneeling down on the ground, I looked up at him.

"Okay, now when you get pinned down, your attacker will most likely be in a position like this," he said and in the next minute, he pushed me lightly back and when I was rested on my back, wide eyed at the abrupt movement, he moved the next second as well.  Swinging his leg up and over my hips, he came to straddle me, sitting up and over my body. 

"Now," he said down to me as I looked up to where he was over me, kneeling on either side of my legs and with enough weight put on me to keep me down.  "When you are being mounted like this, it is important not to panic.  Being in a position like this, you can't fight back properly.  I can punch you in the face, assault you but you can't do the same to me because I can move back, lean away and you can't.  Try to punch me," he said, trying to prove to me his point.

I raised an eyebrow.  "Are you sure officer?  I don't think you know what you are asking for?  I can put you on your ass," I smirked.

He scoffed.  "It's that kind of attitude that will land you in a fist fight.  Now, trust me, just try to punch me."

I did as he said.  I wound my hand back as best as I could with being against the floor and tried to punch him in the face.  Of course, like he said, he could lean back and away and that's just what he did.  In the next motion, he made striking movements down to me, showing me I was powerless to move from a punch like him or anything else.  "You see, I have the power being over you," he explained over me, looking down at me. "You can try going for my eyes, nose, groin but no guarantee, even when I have my hands on you."

"So how do I get out of this?"

"Well, first of all, the attacker will be assaulting you.  And that means he will either have your hands on you on some position.  For example, around your neck," he said and in the next second, he leaned over and down, reaching forward and wrapped his fingers around my neck.  My heart jumping, I took him in over me, hands around my neck.  Looking up at him leaning over me, his hair hanging down, I took comfort in his body over mine (even though in real life, it would be scary to be in this position with an attacker). 

He went on, telling me what to do step by step if this were to happen.  "First, raise your right hand and place it over my opposite wrist in a tight grip."

I did as he said, raising my hand and moving it between us, grasping the wrist of his hand on my neck.  After I did this, I looked back up into his eyes.  "Then what?" I asked.

"Then, after you grab that wrist, you take your other hand and grab just below my elbow that is on the same arm.  Just cupping under it so you keep that one arm tight and locked against your neck.  So now you have my arm trapped and I don't only have your neck trapped."

I replayed his words again and did as he said, raising my other hand and moving it around his arm, placing it just below his outstretched elbow.  When done, I glanced up at him for confirmation and when he gave a single nod, I was happy I knew what to do so far now.

"Good," he said.  "Now, the next part is to trap my foot and leg, on the same side that you trapped my arm."

"How do I do that?  Do I just wrap my leg around yours and try to hold it down or what?" I asked.  That didn't seem too realistic of a way. 

He shook his head though.  "No.  Right now, both of my legs are outside of your.  Left your foot up and place it on the other side of my leg.  Once you have done that, drag it in more tightly so I can't shake it.  Even in this position, I wont be able to."

I nodded and did as he said.  I moved my leg over his and rested my foot against the floor, on the other side of his and dragged his leg in against us more, until it was trapped as well against my hip.  Glancing up at him when I was done, I raised an eyebrow in question.

He smiled slightly. "Good, that's great so far.  Now, remember - hook my wrist, my elbow, then trap my leg."

I nodded.  "But how do I get out from under you?"

"That's the next step. Now that you have my arm locked and my leg, your next move is to lift up your hips and turn over until you are on your knees and over me.  You will then be in the position as I'm in right now."

I was confused at this point.  "Wait, how?  You have all your weight over me.  I can't just lift up and roll."

"No trust me.  When you lift up your hips like that, since you have my arm trapped as well as my leg, I will no longer be able to keep balance.  I will start to tilt over and when I do, you have the upper hand.  That's when you push up and move with my tilt, going over me and on your knees."

That made more sense.  Only one way to find out if it would work. 

Thinking over all he has said, I raised up on where my feet were pressed against the floor until my hips were up and moving him in the process as well.  With not being able to support himself now that I was raising my hips in the air, he didn't have any balance and he began to actually start to roll off me.  And when he did, the rest felt natural as I rolled with him until I was over him and on my knees. 

Hands resting against his chest, I was now kneeling and looking down at him.  It actually worked and it made me feel even better about this.  I smiled down to him where he rested under me, the result actually making his legs wrap around my waist. 

Legs around me against my thighs, I saw his eyes shine up in mine with happiness at seeing I did it.  More than happiness began to exist there and for a moment, he just stared up at me over him.

"Did I do everything right?" I tried asking as evenly as I could.

His smile faded and as he just stared up at me, he nodded as if nearly in a daze.  A minute later, I could see his eyes register more on me and he nodded, seemingly more conscious to our surroundings.  "Yes.  You did.  Now, when you get here, you should get a few punches in, assault your attacker before you run, just so your attacker is in a weaker position."

"Good," I smiled.  "Got it."

"Ready to try it at full speed?"

"I think so," I said, trying to recall everything he said.

"Remember," he said as I got up off him, getting to my feet and offering my hand down to help him up as well.  Grasping my hand in his, when he got to his feet, I noticed his fingers tightened and before letting go, they lingered for just a moment.  "Hook wrist, cup elbow, trap leg, raise hips, and turn over."

It was simple enough steps.  When he listed it off like that though, it seemed a little hard to keep track of it in my head.  I nodded nonetheless, hoping I'd remember and be able to handle it.  When we were going at it as if this were real though, it all happened so fast. 

Luke attacked me quickly and was able to pin me to the ground too fast for me to feel confident.  But when he did and was straddling me, he wrapped his hands around my neck.  Now, it was my turn to act.  Of course, I only managed to grasp his wrist in place before my mind went blank.  What do I do next?  I can't think for this long if I'm really being attacked.

"Shit," I muttered after a moment of just laying there under his grasp.  Looking up at him, I pursed my lips and he didn't need to hear any more. 

Removing his grip from my neck, he looked down at me when he spoke in a matter of fact tone.  "Wrist and elbow.  Just remember that and it should feel like instinct after that."

I nodded and after we got up again to try it again, I could feel I was ready.  If I just focus on what he said, my body will do the rest automatically.  And when his hands were on me again, forcing me down, I was ready as he pinned me.

I gripped his wrist again like before and this time, I knew what to do.  Cupping below his elbow, trapping his hand on my neck, I then moved my foot to the outside of his leg and dragged it in and against me more.  The next thing seemed natural like he said and I lifted my hips up in the same second as everything else.  Moving his body with mine, I rolled over him and on my knees, straddling him.

Breath harder, I looked down at him in my finished positioned.  Seeing his astonished face at how quickly I managed to do that, I felt myself start to laugh over him. 

"Wow," he breathed, caught of guard I could see.  It wasn't often I could enjoy such a sight of him being caught of guard.  It was worth remembering.

"Is the incredibly cop and baker surprised?" I chuckled.

"Well... yeah," he sighed.

To make sure I got it completely down, we did it a few more times and with each time, I nailed it perfectly, according to him.  I felt pretty confident with it too by the time I mounted him for the fourth time. Hands resting against his chest, I could feel through his shirt his heart pick up in pace by now.

"Is there anything else you can show me?" I asked now that I felt good with that move.

He only nodded and I moved off him - a safe move for both our sakes in my opinion since every time I rolled over him, it became more tempting on my part. 

"Yeah," he said, getting up as well.  Facing me before him, I saw he seemed a little hesitant with his next words.  Unsure why, he continued anyway.  "But it requires the same technique as the last one did.  Just a little different," he said looking down slightly.

Raising an eyebrow, I found out what he meant a moment later.  I let him pin me to the ground like before, straddling me, but instead of him wrapping his hands around my neck, he wrapped them around my back and put every ounce of his weight on me.

"Uh, what are you doing?" I asked.  Don't get the wrong idea though.  This position was better than the last.  He was over me, forcing me down, except now he wrapped his arms around my back and his face was but an inch from mine.  I loved it but I didn't get what this next move was.

"This is what most likely will happen is someone is trying to sexually assault you.  Or if someone is just this aggressive, they could put you in this position.  Instead of grabbing your neck, they put their arms under you and that way, you can't maneuver yourself out or defend yourself in the way I just showed you."  He paused a moment before he continued and it was hard to keep on track with his breath in my face.  "You feel how my arms are locked against you?"

I nodded, slightly dazed.

"Well... this means you can't escape," he said a little quieter.  His eyes finding mine burned a brighter green and I could feel his arms that were around me against the floor push me up more against him, just slightly.

"I don't understand...."

"By this point, you are pinned and can't break away and your attacker will know that.  You will try your hardest to break free and all he will be doing is waiting for you to exhaust yourself, trying to escape when he know it wont happen."

"So what do I do?"

"This is the hardest part," he said.  "He will try to exhaust you and before that can happen, you need to stop fighting and pretend as if you are fully exhausted like he wants. Even when you're not.  You need to force yourself to stop trying to fight your way out and make it seem as if you gave up.  That way he will let his guard down."

I tried getting his words through my head and it was unsuccessful this time when it didn't make much sense to me.  "You want me to just give up?"  He couldn't be serious.

"No.  I want you to show yourself giving up.  That way, when he sees you stop, he will stop holding you down with all his force, seeing there no need to when you stopped struggling.  And when his guard is down, you break away and push away and run."

I softly scoffed.  "And you're sure that's effective?"

"Sure it is," he said gently.  "If you make your attacker believe you are giving up, he will stop holding down with so much force like I'm doing."

I looked down at his arms around me, his body against mine fully, and his eyes in mine.  "But how do I make him believe?"

"You tell him you give up, that you will do whatever he wants.  Make him believe it.  And that will mean surrendering yourself, physically too.  When you tell him that, you can't keep fighting.  You need to stop panicking and fighting him when you say that."

I gave him a humorless laugh.  Not just because that sounded foolish.  Because I wouldn't be able to do that, because I don't want to be put in a weak position like that.  Shaking my head, I tried to explain.  "I can't do that.  Is there another way?"

He shook his head, eyes soft and knowing.  "No," he said, voice barely there it seemed.  He appeared even closer to me, nose brushing against mine and lips close enough for my comfort. "You need to surrender yourself, completely.  I know it's hard because when you say those words, you almost want to believe them because it seems like the easiest way out.  But once you say those words and once he feels your body relax, you can break free."

I didn't say anything before he continued speaking.  "Try it."

I groaned.  "Fine.  I give up, I'll do whatever you want," I said in a lower voice, not happy about what I would have to do.  I didn't like it, I wouldn't want to do it if this were to really happen.  I would be giving myself up completely and I never did that before, never would want to, even if I was lying. 

He shook his head immediately.  "Nope.  You need to be sincere.  Otherwise he wont believe you.  Now, we will try this for real.  I want you to fight back as best as you can but before you are fully exhausted, stop struggling under me and surrender yourself.  Tell me, convince me you give up."

Before I could respond, he moved his arms back and let me go, sitting up over me and maneuvering off and to his feet.  Helping me up from my position on the floor, a moment passed before I felt him come at me again.

He grabbed my wrist and wrapped an arm around my side to start, trying to take me down to the floor.  This was the fun part - him trying to pin me down.  I pulled and tried to break from his hands, tried to kick at him and when I was unsuccessful like every other time, he pulled me down with him to the ground. 

Trying to break from his grasp, it ended like it had before.  Only this time, like he showed me, he didn't wrap his arms around my neck.  He put all his weight over me and leaned down fully against me, wrapping his arms around my back in a tight hold.

Now was the tricky part.  Sure, I didn't have to remember many moves.  But I needed to convince him, I needed to stop struggling.  Fighting and squirming under him, trying to get out and knowing already it was no use, I figured I should stop like he said after a moment and pretend as if I was exhausted.

And that's what I did.  I stopped, sighing and looked up into his fire filled eyes in mine.  I froze though for a moment and couldn't seem to get the words out of me, to tell him I give up and surrender, hoping he loosens his grip.

I stopped struggling.   Now I just had to say the words.  "I give up, I'll do whatever you want."

"I don't believe you," he said instantly.

"Why?" I moaned.

"Because you need to really convince me.  Show me you give yourself up, completely.  When you do that, your attacker will be curious and when your attacker is curious, he will question himself and lighten his grip.  So try again," he said softly.

I swallowed harder and resumed fighting against him as I had before letting my body slowly stop, trying to show him I was exhausted with my hard breath when in reality, it was because the space between us was hurting my insides.  We were so close.... And it bothered me more than it should have. 

Staring up into his eyes, trying to put on an exhausted and tired expression, one of helplessness too, I slowly said to him, as sincerely as I could, "Please.  Please," I said quietly.  "I give in, I give up... I'll do whatever you want."

Eyes searching  my face, calculating, he concluded the same as before.  "I can still tell you are lying.  You need to convince me.  Even if you need to convince yourself just for that one second.  Give yourself up to me, completely," he said, his tone so intimate, I almost thought he meant something completely different.

I nodded and once again, I showed I was fighting against him and slowly stopped, 'exhausted.'  This time though, I gave it my all.  It made my stomach twist and my voice catch because I felt so vulnerable, welcoming it and I hated it but at the same time, I needed to do this convincingly.  And that meant I needed to convince myself in a way that I really was giving up.  The only thing that made it easier was the fact that I was looking up into Luke's begging eyes.  And it made it easier to give in for the fact that I would surrender to him my world.

"I..." I started, struggling as I looked deeply into his eyes.  Though I was trapped under his body, my arms weren't and I raised one up to his face, gently stroking the skin of his face before moving my fingers back to pet his hair. "I give up," I whispered.  "I surrender.  Please... do whatever you want, just don't hurt me."  I could feel the walls fall, the defensive strategies gone and all that was left was a damaged reality built between Luke and I.  And in that moment, this was all real.  "I give up," I whispered again and repeated, hand resting on the back of his head.  "Just don't hurt me," I softly spoke under my breath.  I wanted more than anything to look away from his now painful eyes but I couldn't.  Locked in mine with power, I felt his breath move erratically and his arms under me tightened even more. 

"I will never hurt you," he spoke softly and that's when I knew we were no longer acting out a situation.  I felt one arm move up my back more until it was at the back of my neck.  Leaning down more towards me, the day in the kitchen came back to me.  It was like deja-vu.  Only this was different.

He leaned down until his forehead rested against mine, lips so close and I felt my eyelids delicately shut, waiting and wanting his lips to reach down to mine.  They whispered again to me though.  "Do you trust I will never hurt you?" he asked, voice quiet and on edge.

I couldn't nod, couldn't move an inch so I answered with words instead, an honest answer I knew I could take to the grave.  "Yes..."

Eyes closed, breath hard, I wanted him to do it... to kiss my lips.  And I felt fulfilled when I felt he did just that. 

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Sorry I didn't edit again.  I literally had no time and had to post now because I have to go somewhere right now.  Anyway, I hoped you liked it!