A/N: I'm back~ It has been a while, my readers! I've been trying extra hard to finish off the story and I can safely say that I have completed the outline and base notes for the remaining chapters - atm, there are seven to go :{ - and the finale (cue epic battle scene).

{{ EDIT (6/9/20) :: the above is a lie - I'm up to 60 something chapters in the word doc and I'm not done yet 0-0 That's a little more than seven I believe }}

Please let me know your thoughts below on the chapter. It was one of the harder ones to write because I had to try and show how the two sides of Estra are affecting her and how Leraj's motives impact who she is. If that makes sense. Let me know if you have any ways I could make it better :)

Without further ado, here's the chapter!

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Heido trotted dutifully ahead, ears swivelling, tails cocked up in anticipation of a threat. I bobbled along on Myra, the adrenaline from the night seeping away and letting in the weariness, the façade of strength falling away.

Memory after memory. Nightmare after nightmare. Countless times I found tears on my cheeks, my chest constricted until my breaths ached. Heido whined when I jerked awake again, throwing a worried glance my way.

I opened my mouth to reassure him but nothing about this was okay. I didn't feel like me anymore; I'd been torn in two and put back together again with all the wrong information. Now two sides of me – fake and real – battled, throwing my emotions like grenades and using conflicting memories as ammunition to twist my insides.

And worse than that was what I felt for Leraj. I pined for him while berating myself for such emotions. I should hate him with every fibre of my being but... I sighed, pressed my palms into my eyes but the darkness there held no answers.

I wanted to scream and wail; instead, I swallowed the hysterics that left a lump in my throat. The emotions inside of me where hard to untangle, woven so tight around memories that I had made and memories that had been made for me. My sanity was hanging on by a thread and I was trying very, very hard not to hold a pair of scissors to it. 

My arms found themselves around my body. How could I go on after everything I'd done as a Holy Knight? My friends... I squeezed my eyes shut, saw the memories of Vaizel, and opened them again. My friends would probably never trust me again.

Inner me sat in the corner surrounded by my two, shattered lives wondering if it was worth putting everything back together again.

I could run away. The temptation brought Myra to a halt and I looked off into the distance. Mountains rose against the indigo sky. I could spur her towards them and not look back. I could live a simple life, in a simple town, no worries of war and demons and magic. Over time, they'd all forget. No one would remember me, would remember the fox of Greed or the Holy Knight from Liones. It would be so easy...

And when have you been one to give up? Didn't your parents raise you to be stronger? Disappointing really.

I gritted my teeth.

You are no simple fox so you cannot have the simple life. Are you not a deadly sin, one of the strongest of the seven? Or are you nothing but a scared, little mouse?

My nostrils flared.

I knew who I was. Who I had been as well. It was hard to distinguish between the two now but maybe I wasn't supposed to. I couldn't change what had happened nor the memories stuck in my head; but I could mould my future.

As the sun's rays began to kiss the heavens, I sat up straight in the saddle. The fog of torment lifted away and ever so slowly, I picked up the pieces, fitted them where they were meant to go and let them shape the new me.

I woke after a thousand year nap to find I was the only remaining Sin of my time. Fate led me to the Princess and the other sins and I found new friends. We were going to save Liones and then find a way to turn me back into a fox. Then I'd been captured by Holy Knights, betrayed by the man who taught me hand-to-hand combat. Leraj had sold me out to Hendrickson because of a contract to said knight and my mind had been rewritten.

I forgot who I was, what I was, and proceeded to nurture a hatred so strong for the Seven Deadly Sins that I wanted nothing more than to bring them to justice and kill Meliodas. Leraj had stood by my side the entire time, knowing this all – had he been helping me then or trying to make sure I didn't rediscover myself? Unless I asked him, I'd never know.

But my time in Liones couldn't be discounted completely. Hendrickson had tried to make me his pawn but in doing so, had given me knowledge I never knew I needed and power greater than most of the Holy Knights under his command. He'd made me a stronger enemy by trying to shape me into his submissive subordinate. I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. Guess that was one thing to be thankful towards Leraj for.

A part of me would always love him. The Holy Knight side of me. But he was a demon, a bastard one at that, and his own misgivings had got me into this mess. He kept me safe but I wouldn't have needed saving if it hadn't been for him.

After so long battling my emotions, it was too tiring to be angry at him. Instead, I pushed him from my mind; I sure as hell didn't owe him any more time in my thoughts. I turned my mind towards my destination and urged Myra onwards again, Heido moving alongside her. Meliodas was going to love the information I had now. Hendrickson was going to wish he'd never crossed me. 

~

Heido stopped at the base of a hill, almost dissolving in the dark green shadows under the copse of trees we stood under. The sun was weak, grey clouds scuttering across the sky. I took a deep breath, the crisp air calming my nervous heart.

I'd come to face and accept who I was but what would happen when I faced the others? The Holy Knight version of Estra was probably still fresh in mind. Heido yipped and I realised I didn't really have much of a choice. I needed the others just as they needed me for the coming doom.

"Guess this is where we part ways," I said to the demon dog, smiling down at him.

He yipped again, chased his tail in a circle and suddenly became the demon chicken in a puff of smoke.

"That was surprisingly a lot less gruesome than when you turned into a dog." Maybe it was easier to shift into something smaller.

He fluttered up and perched on my head, cooing a few notes. I hummed and reached up to pat his head. "You're a good demon creature." I ruffled his feathers and after a moment's hesitation said, "Make sure you take care of Leraj."

I watched him fly off, presumably in the direction of Liones, before I turned Myra towards the hill's top.

"Ready?" I asked aloud to no one in particular. Then I tapped my heels to her sides and she trotted up the slope.

A small, dirt path wound its way up around the grassy knoll and we soon left the trees behind. Butterflies darted across the path and alighted on tiny flowers that dotted the edges of the path. Strange how peaceful it was right in this moment even though the world was going to go to shit soon. By mid-morning, we made it to the top.

There on the hill stood the tavern. I cried in relief - I'd have expected it not to be there - and dropped like a sack of potatoes out of the saddle. My weary legs shook but I forced them to move towards the door. A steady stream of smoke eddied out the chimney and I could hear a faint clattering from the inside.

The steps creaked under my weight and I heard them still inside. "Hey, guys!" I called out, reaching for the door handle and pulling it open. "It's-"

A foot in the chest knocked me clean off the patio. Instinct kicked in and I landed on my feet, hands braced on the ground. I barely had time to recover as a silver-haired man – Ban! - launched a flurry of punches at me. I dodged and blocked, the sting of the attacks burning up my arms. I grabbed a forearm and yanked him forward. With a roar, I threw him over my shoulder. I spun expecting him to get up but then my legs were taken out from underneath me by a spear swept through the air.

Stunned, I watched the spear circle back up into the sky and hover beside King. I flipped myself back to my feet, crouched and hands at the ready, as Ban picked himself off the ground. He drew numchuks tucked into his pant pocket and twirled it lazily.

"What's going on?" I growled which set him off. A section snapped towards me and I blocked it only to have the other section whip towards me from the side. I bent backwards, watched it sail past my face, before straightening. With startling speed, he flicked his wrist and it came back towards me. I dodged with a back handspring, heart in my throat as I landed. King's spear transformed into multiple little blades and I got nasty deja-vu.

"Look, I know you think I'm with the Holy Knights now but I'm not! It's me, Estra!" I rambled, hands held up to placate them. A movement caught my eye but I didn't have the time to react to him.

Meliodas' flat palm hit me square in the chest and my feet once again left the earth. I landed and rolled over and over. When the world stopped spinning, I crawled onto my hands and knees, wincing at the pain in my chest and wrapped an arm around my torso. Tears welled in my eyes but I gritted my teeth and raised my head in defiance.

Diane stood beside the tavern, Hawk and Elizabeth on the patio surrounded by the warm light of the tavern. Ban stood a little to the right, just under King who hovered close by with little blades curtaining off the patio from me. Meliodas was the closest and he stood there looking grim.

I got to my feet. "I didn't just travel half a kingdom with Hendrickson and his lackeys breathing down my neck to be treated like this! I've had one shit of a night and I know I've done wrong. I see it every time I blink so I don't need you lot smashing the living daylights out of me. Fuck." I spat out a glob of blood and wiped my mouth. Anger I didn't know I'd been hoarding suddenly surged to the surface. "And fuck you all to while I'm at it! You didn't even try to help me before Vaizel! What, you thought I just wandered off on my own? You know I wouldn't have done that! Meliodas, you knew I needed your help to find Merlin. And yet, YOU GUYS DID NOTHING!"

The final words died in the air. My chest was tight, constricted, and the burning in my throat and nose made it hard to breath. No one said anything and I had a horrible, sinking feeling. I just wanted to come home. My feet were already back pedalling. I turned my back on them.

"So it really is you," Meliodas said. I froze and spun round, wide-eyed. He walked up to me and grabbed my arm.

"Captain, are you sure?" Ban asked, eyeing me warily.

"Yep, otherwise she would have drawn her sword," the captain replied and drew the sword that was hanging at my waist. I'd forgotten that it belonged to me now.

"Why would I have drawn it?" I questioned, hurt streaking through me. "You're my friends. You don't raise your blade at your friends."

Meliodas sheathed the sword and patted my shoulder. "The other one was smarter. This is definitely our Estra all right."

I swung an arm at him which he moved out of the way easily. My retort lingered on the end of my tongue.

"Welcome home," he said. It was the gates that opened the flood.

My legs went weak and I fell to the ground, tears streaming down my face. A pair of arms hooked around my shoulders and Elizabeth was suddenly there, telling me how much she'd missed me. King had lowered himself to the ground and was standing there apologising; Diane had crouched closer to the ground beside a trembling, teary-eyed Hawk.

I was ashamed to admit that I bawled like a child for a long time. Long after they'd helped me through the door and up the stairs to the bath and dress in simpler clothes. I cried over dinner and not just because it was the worst meal I'd ever eaten.