Donny: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Percival: That's why I carry two swords.

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*Nasiens is casually searching around the room*
Donny: Hey Nasiens, what're you looking for?
Nasiens: My will to live.
*Percival walks into the room*
Nasiens: Oh, there it is.

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Percival: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!
Percival: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*
Percival: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

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*In a horror movie situation*
Sin: I've got no service in my phone here.
Nasiens : Shoot, my battery just died.
Donny: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.
Percival : Guys, my phone is a book.

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Anne: You think you're smarter than everyone else.
Sin: I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.

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Tristan: Here you go, Lancelot, a nice hot cup of coffee!
Lancelot: It's cold.
Tristan: A nice cup of coffee.
Lancelot: It's horrible!
Tristan: Cup of coffee.
Lancelot: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.
Tristan: C U P.

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Tristan: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!
Gowther: Ok, Tristan, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?
Tristan: 1917.
Gowther: ...You're ready.

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Nasiens: I'm this close to falling in love with Percival.
Donny: Your fingertips are touching.
Nasiens: Exactly.

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Sin: Life is like Percival. It's short.

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Tristan: I'm sad.
Meliodas: Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das.
Meliodas: And das not good.

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Sin: If you're going to run away from yourself, do it on the treadmill.

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Tristan: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there's nothing there?
Galehaut: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.
Tristan:
Tristan: *sobs*
Lancelot: You fucking scared him, you idiot.

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Lancelot : Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Galehaut: How?
Lancelot : I need someone to take the fall.
Galehaut: What did you do?
Lancelot : I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Ban, from the other room: Oh my god.
Lancelot : ...
Ban: OH MY GOD!
Galehaut: Make it a hundred.
Lancelot : Deal.

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Percival: Bro-
Nasiens: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Nasiens: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??

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Percival: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Nasiens : Aww-
Percival: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

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Nasiens: Okay, I'm going to get the wedding cake.
Percival: Perfect, while you do that I'll check on the ring bear.
Nasiens: ...
Nasiens: You mean ring bearER, right?
Percival: ...
Nasiens: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

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Donny: Hey, Percival, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Percival: Yeah.
Donny: And you, Nasiens?
Nasiens: Umm... yes?
Donny: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Nasiens: Did he just-

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Tristan: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Nasiens: We're chopsticks!
Tristan: Well... that's cute!
Tristan: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Percival: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

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Lancelot: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, fuck."

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Galehaut: Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

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Sin to Gowther: I'm telling you, these kids are competent.
Nasiens, rushing in: Sin! Donny tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

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Anne: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?
Anne: I must be losing it, I'm quoting Donny.

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Anne: Here is my wall of inspirational people.
Gowther: Is that the Captain's wanted poster?
Anne: Yes, I would've put yours too but this is the only one I could find.

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Sin: Do you have a self-care routine?
Gowther: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

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King: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles?
Galehaut: I know you're serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

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Lancelot: Define "dream".
King: Dream - the first thing people abandon when they learn how the world works.
Tristan: That's too dark!

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Meliodas: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Meliodas lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

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Ban: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Gowther: No... well, their slowness.
Ban: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Ban: Now I have a plan.
Ban: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

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Meliodas, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?
Gowther: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*
King: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*
Ban: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*
Meliodas: I hate all of you.

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Donny: Money... Is like president trading cards.

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Galehaut, Entering King's room: Dad, Uncle Ban did it again.
King: Peace disturbance?
Galehaut: What no-
King: Arson..?
Galehaut: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
King: uh....Attempted murder?
Galehaut: NO, HE STOLE ALL OUR BOOZE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

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Lancelot: You want to know why people are so afraid of clowns? Well you know what people say about how their feet aren't the only thing that's big? And how people who drive really big cars have small dicks? Well clowns are out there with their big feet and tiny cars..

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Tristan: That's the longest worm I've ever seen.
Lancelot: That's a snake.

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Percival: My grandpa's the best!!!
Tristan: Mine too, I love my grandpa.
Tristan: My other grandpa's a dick tho, I hate him
Lancelot: My grandpa is also a dick
Galeahut: I'm pretty sure my grandpa's a tree
Lancelot: My other grandpa is also a tree