S e v e n t e e n

T h e S t a r t o f t h e F a l l

____

The month passed slowly, ignoring the screams that only escaped in whispers and the shattering of lives heard as dust - the world was voiceless, empty and distracted.

So instead: George and I kept the mist, hiding the truth by a facade that not even your closest friend could discover. I could sense the faint smile and falter of the words that flows out his lips; all of them were doubted and it was a cut to my chest.

I didn't expect the feeling to damage the scars I still bared, let alone open them.

And it's been a while since I felt the plummeting drop in my chest, the erratic breathing and the constant darting for the nearest door.

To my head, I knew immediately the return of my conditions. Pippa and Georgia spotted it easily, always asking if I slept enough every night and even letting themselves do the editing instead. My engineering manager was not too sympathetic, always eager to make me present the current work on the international project. Their eyes always onto my back no matter how much I tried to look back at the opposite wall.

Despite trying to maintain eye contact, I could always sense Miss Matthews gazing back - with a smile that could make me shiver at her cold eyes. Even talking about her during a livestream with Lewis, I wanted to change the entire subject completely whilst playing a game of Hearthstone.

"No, no, no." I solved it by speaking in a nervous tone. "Lewis and I are just friends. Plus let's be honest. You're still stiff for Smith."

Lewis laughed, "Well...he is pretty hot for a man. A rare breed if you would."

"How about Trout?" I raised my eyebrows and his playful smack on my arm hinted that he was not intending to go on. In fact, Lewis changed it entirely and focused on the games we've liked throughout the year.

I carried on playing with him during his livestream slots for the sake of sanity. And it was the only time that I could be a little less lonely when I was around Lewis. Yes: he knew that George and I haven't gotten along and only recorded together when needed. And yes: I was shocked he was being honest for being there for me.

"I haven't met you long enough," I frowned whilst I placed another card to play. My incredulous gaze began to concern him.

Lewis' face changed, almost hiding any expression - and maybe forcing back one. He only mumbled, "Well, you've almost seemed to be a great person to talk to."

"Almost?" I smirked.

"You're right at the top with Sips," He grinned, and I mocked with a gasp and sent him falling back onto his chair in laughter.

I cried back, "I thought you would put me way after him!" My pout became prominent and he continued to suppress any cackles. "You big dum dum!"

"Now you sound like him," He pointed. "Doesn't suit you. You're better more of with the sarcasm and honest answers."

With folded arms, I defeated the opponent and folded my arms, pulling back my hair uncomfortably. "Uh...thank you?

What I had not expected was once Steve turned off the stream, I then glanced to my right and saw his pained face. But it almost left by the time I told him I was heading home. Both of us hadn't said a word after, but I thanked him enough to know why. George hasn't been talking to me at all the past two weeks so I left the flat for a while.

That was why I was standing in front of Katie and Trott's flat that night, counting the hours until the next day.

____

1997 - Little Baddow

There was a glisten in her eyes, the ones that no one could deny or slip a lie. Because even though how mature and confident his daughter was, she was still the innocent and naive child he loved.

It was heart breaking to have to always tell the truth, no matter how she would put a brave face and won't give out a single tear.

Mr [Y/S/N] took her hand and cupped it along his cheek, touching his daughter's hand in comfort and reassurance. His eyes never left his [Y/N] and he wished he could just kneel here and hug [Y/N] for years.

"Why do you have to go so soon?" She quivered in her words and almost then his hard shell was shattered by her voice.

He spoke whilst smoothing down his daughter's dress: "Because our country needs me. I'm going to help them and make sure you, your friends and our family are safe. Remember those martial art lessons we used to go to?"

"Yes," She pursed her lips and a slight giggle escaped from her mouth. That's what he wanted to see - his daughter smiling. "You'd always make me sure I hit kick high enough or else I'll hit the tree branch."

"And duck whenever I get the spade out for gardening," He smiled and she pouted.

"That was never fair!" She playfully shoved him, but only earned a bigger grin. "You know I'm short, and ten!"

An empty smile glanced down at him. When he looked to his wife, all he saw was not the woman he had loved all those years ago. He could see the trapped life she had to endure but to his lack of understanding, Mr [Y/S/N] never saw through the deeper meaning of her emotions. He could see easily that his daughter was so much like himself and not an ounce from her mother.

Soon, he gave his wife a peck on the cheek until another one on her lips. It was quick and almost a pain in his chest. Leaving her again after only a few weeks. It gave him guilt. He apologized so many times, and heard her say that it's alright and the forgiveness. But he could sense easily how their relationship was crumbling, that Mrs [Y/S/N] was beginning to fall out of love with him.

"Please, [Y/M/N]." He quietly pleaded. "I know...that we aren't the same at those years back." He watched her fold her arms and almost gazed back to wear their child was playing in the front lawn.

She spoke and stared at him, eyes dull and never touching his heart as before. "You're not the only observant one."

"Oh," That was what he could come out of.

"But as we compromised," She sighed and held her head in her hands. "I will look after her no matter what. She is both our flesh and blood."

He nodded, "Of course. But you know how much she needs the people close to her. And if I don't come back..."

"Always the heroic man," A little grin plastered her face and he could not held but hold her hand one more time. It was soft but filled with rough burns and scars from cooking, sewing and so on. "I think that's the worse thing our daughter has gotten from you. Always sacrificing yourself for others."

He smiled, "Hence why MI6 is allowing me to go over seas."

"Just get back safely," His wife sternly, almost begged, told him that rung his ears.

As he placed a final kiss onto the palm of his wife's hand. He whispered. "I will always be with you, remember that for me."

____

Rays of light peaked out of the kitchen window; the three of us were sat around the wooden dining table - quietly drinking tea and coffee in peace.

Katie always asked if I wanted to eat anything but I denied and just asked for some tea. On the other hand, Trott was already preparing for work or planning a decent meal as the two were at the gym every evening. It was interesting watching the two and their lives. They would often smile at each other at inside jokes I could not understand and laughed at little incidents.

After I drank every ounce of my tea, I closed my eyes and tried to retain back the lump in the back of my throat. It happened every time this day came. You could not run away from time, and you cannot run away from from the pain that caused it.

It was worse since I wouldn't be spending it with someone.

It was the early hour, so my first priority was get dressed and head over to a flower shop. The weather never pushed me away from going, so I grabbed my raincoat and leather boots to protect myself from the rain and cold. My bag was already packed and sitting on the end of my bed. The only thing that paused me was when I spotted the mirror that I passed on the way down the corridor.

I saw a shell of someone. But not myself entirely. Oh I wanted to slap myself, telling the woman in front of me to dig herself out of the hole she's dug. But who knows how deep I've dug...

All of a sudden, I jolted from my trance and felt the tune of Canon in D major coming from my pocket. After rummaging for it, I saw the caller ID and my breath hitched.

{King(ston) George is Calling}

The phone was pressed against my ear whilst I looked down to take slow breaths. A pause happened before I then spoke, "George...what is it? You ignore me for two months and decide to then call out of nowhere-"

"Come downstairs." He told me, and I mentally wanted to slap him once I heard him sigh. "I know: you're pissed at me...but please."

I couldn't reply, the furrow in my eyebrows creased even further and my hands grabbed the ends of my coat it clutches that tightened. When I saw them go white, I realised what I was doing.

The anger was there, the emotion I didn't want to feel. I wanted to push it back, forget about it. However, it just couldn't hold back. I wanted to shout back, tell George how much of an idiot he was. Curse and swear as much as I could in his face.

But then my mind froze. 'Calm down, [Y/N]. You're being irrational with your actions.' I scolded myself and I had to answer back to him.

"Hello?"

"I'm here," I quivered in my voice, but then coughed to compel myself.  "Yeah...I'll come down. But you better give me a good reason."

George chuckled from the other side of the call, and it definitely due to my tone. Admittedly, I wanted to chuckle back, but I blinked instead when the line was cut - leaving the corridor quiet. A part of my head, I wanted to stay up here - curl up and just play constantly. But I needed to go, and dodging George was not an option when he knew exactly what day it was.

So when I said farewell to Katie, I exited their flat and hurried down the staircase to the car park. I could here the rain patter down once the raindrops hit the glass doors. Once I shut the complex door, I was met by a familiar glance of my tall friend. He looked obviously exhausted.

A step or two, I jogged to him and quickly jumped into his arms. The tall demeanor left me to have to go on the tips of my toes, nuzzling my head in his shoulder. We were like this for a while, missing each other like it had been years. I confess that I missed George; the only one I considered to have always been there for me.

I heard him speak: "I'm so-so sorry. Forgive my sorry ass for saying those things."

"Just don't leave me again," I mumbled and carried hugging George for a life time. "Don't make me dig deeper."

He shook his head and laughed. "Of course." We both stepped away from our embrace and smiled at each other, finding the common ground once more in our friendship. It was still unstable, but at least I knew I wasn't alone today. "Not today. It isn't fair for you," George took out his sympathetic smile and I was little wavered at it.

There was the smile, the kindness and the hug. However: there was something he wanted to say which we both knew I would not like. As we got into the car, George mentioned about Tom, and I asked if their relationship was alright. And when I mentioned his name, I was given the message that it was still unstable. I've never seen George so upset with a person before.

Then the concept came up in my mind. The car stopped at the train station car park, and I glanced at the driver's seat with my intent to observe. I spoke, "You really care about him, do you? Like really care about him...not just the last time you-"

"Don't even mention that time," He groaned and I tried to suppress the nudge that was habit. His fingers grazed the broken leather on the wheel, watching him retain a smile as I knew him thinking about him again. "Oh, [Y/N]. He's different from the rest...it actually hurt when I saw him...his face."

A tear fell across his cheek, and my chest wheezed all went silent. I spiraled in my head, stopping myself to flick back to any more of these recurring memories...

____

1998 - Little Baddow

The skin graced over the plastic keys, skimming over the black and pressing against the oily surfaces of the white. And as a finger pushed itself to the correct note, the pitch echoed and it floated into the air, gently and softly as it could. The fingers played a few mores note, a soft and peaceful tune gradually pierced the room with silence before it began to quickly dash towards the end of the keyboard.

"[Y/N]!"

The music stopped abruptly.

And she looked above her and mentally took a deep breath. She spoke, "Good evening, mother. I was in the moment of changing key signature. Now it sounded the worse John Williams soundtrack from Star Wars ever."

Then a sigh rapidly washed over her unfocused head, and she looked up to her mother with a smile that did not reach her face. She could see the eyes that she had carried for eleven years. Sometimes she wished she never had to see herself in her mother; it reminded [Y/N] that there was still someone who had to care for her.

"I played in the orchestra for the originals," Her mother informed and she nodded politely. "But anyways, why haven't you come downstairs?" [Y/N] watched her exasperate again, her hands on the piano and lightly placed the cover down.

[Y/N] protested, "Hey! I was just about to finish that!" Her glared was matched against her mothers and soon they were at the gaze on who would get the last stand. "I can just always reheat the food."

"No." Her mother simply said, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

She repeated, "No? What ever you mean? It's not as if Dad's coming back at this rate..."

"[Y/F/N]!" She watched her slam the piano cover shut once more, sensing the noise of the wood cracking. Her eyebrows were furrowed, a tint of red was showing all over her hands and cheeks.

[Y/N] never understood why her mother did that. At the age of eleven, she wasn't sure on the multiple expressions that her mother gave a variety at her. In a logical sense, she could understand a bit of her mother's emotions. She knew that it was because of what she just said. A mention of her father always changed her mood.

Well...ever since [Y/N]'s father left for work over a year ago.

It was not difficult to see that her mother changed then. At the age of ten, a lot of things happened to her. Not only she had moved to secondary school and began learning her GCSEs (because her mother refused to get a tutor for her and the primary school didn't have the equipment needed for prodigy), her parents were planning on getting something called a divorce.

She was eager to find out what a divorce was, but it sounded too important that [Y/N] dodged all factors to go to the library and take out a book - since her mother would ask why the hell she wanted to know what a divorce was.

After a year, she did know what a divorce was. Her best friend told her, even though her best friend got annoyed after her when she paused them snogging a girl in the pub down the village.

"Just..." Her mother placed a palm over her forehead before walking out of her practice room. "...Please come down and eat. Don't ask anymore questions."

____

It was one of the worse days in my childhood. Finding out what a divorce was.

But when reality kicked my ass again, I reached my hand towards George's shoulder. Quietly as I should, I reassured him. "If you know...that he is right for you. Then you should go."

"What about-" When his eyes looked back at me, I smiled a little - falsely reassuring myself.

I gave him a look, making him pause.

After a few seconds, he took a breath.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, I wiped the small tear from his cheek.

He just whispered one thing after one last embrace. "Thank you."

It felt like a whole anchor being lifted from me, as I finally escaped the car and still stared back at my friend in some sort of confidence. George was composing himself, drying away the tears he had let go. For a time, I noticed easily that I had just released the only anchor that I had for quite a long time.

Unfortunately, I now had to stare up at Temple Meads Station, the huge tower clock that overlooked me dawned my shadows and the tired dark circles under my eyes. I was actually going to do this alone. And I was not sure if I was ready for it.

I then heard a voice behind me. Turning back, I didn't expect George climbing out of the car with shit-eating grin on his face. "Actually: you're not going to do this alone."

"But what about Tom..." I trailed off and he grinned even more.

George smiled, his hair covering his eyes that stopped me from sensing that he wasn't even looking at me.

"Oh he's definitely gonna bang him tonight."

My whole body became rigged, and the only thing worked was my head when I knew exactly who stood right behind me.

I said, "Lewis?"

His smirk that I had expected was not plastered on his face. It was the sheer and absolute look of understanding...a familiar face which I could not remember entirely. For once I was shocked and surprise to see him. My own boss and friend...

Lewis spoke, "I believe that, we have a train to catch."

____

A/N: Holy shoot that took me a while to try and end that. And not going to lie, Lewis is so out of the ordinary and awkward, that phrase was so like him. In conclusion, I wrote that in some sort of awkwardness and with multiple facepalms.

So yes. Her parents are actually going to get a divorce, but haven't since her father is away for 'work'

-SierraOwls