S e v e n

U n d e r s t a n d i n g

"[Y/N]!" Katie exasperated and I raised an eyebrow at her panting once she caught up to me.

Even though it was usually a quiet neighbourhood, our hallway was considered to be the loudest. Lots of footsteps stomping, drunk slurs (curtesy of George) and the constant shouting of mine and Katie's rage at video games.

When I woke up, however, telling Katie that I was heading to work on the Tuesday morning: she had asked to come along on the way so she wouldn't be alone to walk down to the office. I appreciated it and I agreed to come and knock at her door once I was up and ready. Turns out, getting up and ready by half past eight was considered to be the 'nightmare time' of the morning.

I asked with slight amusement, "You alright there?"

The ombré-haired woman huffed as she said, "What...what time do you usually get up? It's only eight thirty in the morning."

"It's not so bad," I shrugged, "I have to wake up to record with some friends of mine abroad."

Katie grinned: "They must love it whenever you rage."

I groaned, "It's so irritating, but I have to, in all honesty."

The topic was brushed off when we exited the complex and began our way to Yog Towers. Katie had mentioned that Trott was usually up by this time, however, he'd been constantly editing Trials Fusion last night.

As for George - which I mentioned to her - he was sleeping in since Jordan and Nick had nagged him to record at two in the morning. The three were struggling nowadays to try and get a recording done, but since their personal matters had gotten into their hands: none of them had edited.

"George has been editing last night's recording." My lips thinned to a line; there was a strong distaste of the thought since I knew it wasn't healthy for my best friend to have stayed until three in the morning. "I know I should be a good friend, but I worry that he's overworking."  huffed.

All Katie could do was almost stifle a laugh, which caused me to pause in the middle of the pavement in suspicion. She then said, "Overworking? Don't you even think about yourself?"

I raised the pitch of my voice. "No..."

"[Y/N], you literally do four jobs whilst juggling social life." Katie smiled. "Not only you work at the office, you fix people's softwares and servers and do extras during the night."

I stuttered, "But...that's all the same things: engineering and content creating."

"I heard you play the cello last Sunday," She simply spoke, and that was when I knew to shut myself up before she could retort even more. "I don't think that involves computers or video games."

The more I slowly warmed up to the woman, the more comfortable I've been able to talk to her in some topics I didn't usually spoke about to anyone but George. Even Pippa, Georgia, Lola and Georgia knew some of the secret I held. Some of the secrets were not as important, but there was always the hidden parts that I dug and buried right in the back of my mind for over a decade.

My conscience would constantly nag me, that eventually: someone will pry enough to notice it. Luckily, Katie Morrison was not the one and gladly not the day I will break down at her feet. After all, it was just a walk down to Yog Towers; there was nothing to be nervous after the two weeks spent there. The worse thing that could happen was the kettle broken or another infamous Nerf war that the floor below I recorded had once initiated.

Katie had gone off to find Kim once we stopped off to the first floor, reluctant for me to catch up with her later at lunch. My response was a simple smile before heading up to record in my office. Turps had caught me on the way, with a man in tow: holding a small recording camera with a strap upon his wrist. My hand were already at my doorknob, with my face looking slightly sheepish and a little distressed once the camera aimed at me.

"So this is [Y/N], she look's like a doe at headlights..." Turps trailed off and I tried to laugh it off.

I then smirked, "Don't worry, I've been caught worse, right Turps." The man behind the camera burst out laughing whilst Turps' face showed pride, probably from my innuendo I called out.

"Tell me about it," Turps spoke like a diva. "You should really see her behind the keyboard and software though, amazing at making things go smoothly."

It did not make me blush, unlike the last time when Lewis and Turps complemented me during their Deck Ripper's stream. I just hoped I did not have to constantly have to monitor as I felt some sort of guilt built up once Sam's mentioned. It was his job after all; I didn't intend to steal his spotlight, he was already good at his job than anyone else.

When the man seemed to stop recording, he dropped his hands down his side: giving me a chance to obverse him a bit better. He has a dog due to the small thin hairs on his jeans, by the shifting of his feet: I knew he was more of an awkward man and lacked of the zest when it came to talking to high officials. He usually glanced to the side as well as gazing over to his phone when he was waiting for Turps to finish talking with Hannah down the hall.

It was that time that I spoke with a monotonous tone, my eyes trying to find his. "You are from West Sussex."

His body looked startled and I winced mentally for pointing it out. What he did was worriedly ask, "How...how did you know..."

"Your phone," I replied and added, "And your shirt. I've been down south and the only store that sells that resides in...Chichester right?"

The man nervously chuckled, "Oh uh...I wasn't expecting anyone to have known that. I'm not expecting someone like you to have even pointed it out; you're new."

"Almost three weeks," I shrugged, but I tried to flash a contented smile. I did not wanted another person to be freaked out again by my deductions. "My apologies, I should not have been sudden. George tells me that I'm like the reincarnation of Sherlock Holmes or something."

The man turned back his frown to almost a relaxed smile. "Hey, it's alright. That's awesome if you could that, I guess. Plus you could wear the hat that Benedict Cumberbatch wears."

Rolling my eyes, I was about to retort but Turps had called out to the man in front of me. It seemed our CEO was giving him the tour around before he could record. He did not seem new though, but probably new to the office layouts and floors. Matthew, the man that stood before me: hurried over. Though before he left, I given him my name.

"Nice to meet you, [Y/N]." Matthew waved before he walked off. "You could call me Caff...that's my usual nickname."

I nodded back, carefully making sure to remind myself who that man really was. Neither Turps or himself even noticed how his eyes took a bit longer to waver over my chest. 

'Turps and Lewis need to make sure to look up some things before getting anyone', I hummed in my head. 'And perhaps that includes myself as well'.

____

Few hours later, I finished editing last night's recording and began recording with George on the Yogscast Minecraft Server before I go off to have lunch. A couple of people had knocked on my office door, asking if I'd like to join them at the common room. With my usual awkwardness, I only reassured them that I'll try to be present. Apparently, there was a new delivered box filled with new merchandise they were going to advertise.

I admitted, I found the pride shirts to have given a new symbolism with this company. The message held very dearly with me, considering the fact that I supported my best friend and everyone no matter what. The thought of finally giving people a voice was slowly building up these past few years. George and Tom will definitely wear it once I saw the designs when Lewis texted me a picture of it.

Once I locked my computer, I stood up and grabbed my lunch from my bag. When I bent down, my eyes were intently staring at the hardback book that I had brought and hid in my bag. It was a book collection of Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle and his work on Sherlock Holmes. There I was, crouched down: an arm slowly stretching towards it.

I shut my eyes to stop myself. 'For fucks sake! How're you going to make any friends if you're going to ignore them behind a book?' The voice in my head cried out, which forced me out a squeak in the room.

In the end, I grabbed the book. However, I didn't take it with me. Instead, I placed right on the top shelf of the shelving place. Only then that I felt my body calm down after the emotions that roared in war between each other. I stood by the bookshelf, my nose pointing down as I shut my eyes with each cooling reassurance. Taking deep breaths, I brought myself back - removing the last remnants of anger and frustration.

I closed my office door, finally looking down the corridor as if it was a war zone. Every step was numbing my hands as I tried to hold onto my posture. I could hear everything ring around me; I tried to concentrate my eyesight.

By the time I got to the door, I felt as if imaginary eyes were staring at me. Watching me like I was their prey.

There were worse times: and that included all my experiences at conventions. It was nerve racking, but it was easier since I did not exactly knew every person I faced and greeted. Signings were the easy part, but when the shows started: I always struggled to keep my persona stable.

How ironic that I was having a mental breakdown when it's just fucking lunch with a bunch of co-workers you considered friends.

"Uh, [Y/N]?" I jumped to my sense and spun quickly round, only to spot the kind features of my blond friend. Martyn - caring as he was - asked: "You've been holding the door for five minutes. Are you okay?"

"Oh yeah," I nodded vigorously, opening the door and walking with him up the stairs. "I'm fine. I was thinking about something, which usually consists of zoning out and standing with a creepy stare. No worries, Martyn."

He placed a raised eyebrow, knowing then that he did not believe what I lied about. "If you say so. But you let me know, okay? Everyone's here for you, so you could always talk to anyone you wish to."

I gave him a faint smile, my mind feeling reassured and safe around his lingering words. 

When I first met Martyn, I knew instantly that he was a man that was loyal and honest - he kept to his word. So when he had old me that he was there for me, I allowed his reassurance to relax my head. It also helped me when we both entered the common room, meaning I didn't have to do the walk of awkwardness alone.

At the beginning, it was like entering a dragon pit with a tamer, but a tamer that was considered not one of the most popular. Of course he knew everyone, but Martyn knew who to talk and which people were considered to be within their own comfort zones. 

Sjin, Duncan, Lewis and Simon were all huddled talking with Turps. The Hat Film boys were constantly bantering between Craig, Sam and Tom Clarke. Kim and Hannah were chatting with the new member: Caff whilst Katie was passing round some cakes that me and Katie made.

"Come and sit with us, [Y/N]." My eyes flickered towards the voice, only to spot George with Tom - arms around him. On the the arm, they were both eating each a cake whilst the other editors got one once I eyed Katie oddly. She had mouthed back that the others had enjoyed it, even though it was weird to usually have cakes passed about like a school canteen.

I then focused back onto George, and I tried to form a reasonable smile at the two. "I see that you're getting comfortable with each other, even though my dearest friend has only had five hours sleep."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tom Bates raised an eyebrow, but I could see the amusement almost bouncing from his posture.

"Because he knows that you'll get worried," Mark Hulmes snorted, only to be slapped by Nina-Serena on the shoulder. I sat closely by Katie, who now ate her lunch with me. Inside, I wanted to thank her for sitting beside me, since Martyn had now gone off to talk with Caff with the other Yogs women.

Though when I turned to spot him, Martyn had come to notice and smiled. As I response, there was no smile nor frown once I quickly turned back around and stared at my lunch, almost feeling more hungrier as I continued to talk to Katie and Mark about their new D&D stream on Sundays. I thought their characters were creative, and I knew from Mark's immediate enthusiasm will lead to him inviting me to join their adventure.

Mark insisted, "You should really get involved, Katie says that you're really good at strategy games. We're alright, but when it comes to actual surviving..."

"Oi!" Three of ours heads turned, only to laugh at the bearded man protest after eavesdropping. Chris Trott spoke, "We're not that shit! Right Kimothy?"

Kim laughed and answered, "Sod off, Trott! At least I'm a bit better than Matt."

"Yeah yeah," Trott bemoaned and Katie rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, making me chuckle at the bantering.

After twenty minutes, Mike (I believe that was his name) entered the common room alongside Tom Hazell, carrying a cardboard box each with slight ease before placing it on the table. It had caught everyone's attention once I watched the two men began opening them with a pair of scissors and car keys. Sitting well from it, I knew to keep my mouth shut.

But then someone's eyes gazed at me.

I could sense it, and it was nagging my curiosity to look back, deduce what it was in the back of their minds. My breath was normal, luckily, and I kept my eyes back onto Lewis: who had now brought the first batch of shirts out.

It was a few minutes to sort out people's shirts, and even the Hats had already put them on as well as Turps. I let everyone get up to grab one, eased to have been the last one to find a size of my own. If I got up first, it was tempting since I could have dashed out of the room before anyone else. But that would be causing a scene. Instead, I stood up by the time everyone left.

Lewis was still passing it around, laughing about with Duncan and Sjin. With arms folded, I ambled over and stared down at the box to spot a size for me. Once I found one, my hands fickle with the plastic wrapping before I heard a voice behind me.

Turning around, I found Martyn in front of me - a hand leaning against the table with a hand full with the shirt he picked. "Hey, [Y/N]. Got one already?"

"Yep," I waved my shirt around, hearing him chuckle back. "By the anticipation and patience, you wanted to speak to me."

His cheeks reddened as a nervous chuckle escaped his mouth. "Oh yeah, I was about to ask you'd like to go out...I mean go out - have a coffee if you're free any time soon-"

There, I stopped and pause. "Yes," All I could say, still slightly surprised and yet confused as well. "Of course, does Friday suit you? I'm usually free in the mornings."

Almost too quickly, Martyn sheepishly agreed and still nervously chuckling at my response. I tried to form a kind smile, but the rest of the word I had prepared couldn't come out. He had just asked me on a little date: how was I suppose to answer back?

"Cool, let me know if something does happen...end of the world or something." Martyn rambled and I caught off my guard once I laughed back.

I raised my eyebrow, bemused. "Don't worry, I'll make sure I'll come with guns blazing just in case the apocalypse breaks out."

"Sure," Martyn laughed back, before dying down to quieten our conversation. No one has noticed us yet, I figured. So as he left first, Martyn waved by the door at me.

I still stood there, staring after the minute he had left. Whilst I did, my body was stature: shaken slightly from the gesture Martyn had did. It has been a while since anyone asked me on a date, probably even before university. So when I mentioned that is my surprising...I meant that it was terrifying.

And then someone stopped my trance at the door.

"So you and sapling boy," I blinked to find Lewis standing before me. And despite my startled mind, I wasn't shocked to discover someone noticing me in the room.

I coughed and replied, "Not your business is it, Lewis."

"Just...prying." He shrugged and I watched him lean against the table, having to had abandoned his conversation with the other left in the room. He was facing me, looking at the shirt in his hands. "Anyways, I think these shirts are good. Maybe enhance biceps by appearance."

Rolling my eyes, I added; "It'll also boost your big headed ego as well."

He scoffed in protest and I could not help but smirk at his childish attitude. In hindsight: we were all big children in our hearts anyways.

So once I told him that I needed to head back to record, Lewis let me go after a sigh and I faint smile. Though before I hit the door, he asked me back a question.

"You know...I enjoyed last Saturday," Lewis began. "And I was wondering if you'd like to meet up again. Friendly chat up with Tiffin and tea."

What confused me was his sudden change of confidence. Unlike a few minutes ago, Lewis had now stared down at the floor - glancing time after time at me with a sheepish smile. My mind was racing to find the answers, but in the end: it had pointed out that he was being genuine.

"Friends," I spoke with a smile. "Yeah sure, I think that's a great idea."

Lewis spoke, "We can discuss about different teas and cakes."

"We sound like grandmas having a meeting." I raised an eyebrow and Lewis couldn't help but smirk.

"What if we are?" He slyly added and I groaned.

I then changed the subject, "I'm not oblivious, Brindley." When his eyes flashed, I knew that he was reminded of the last Saturday. My face responded with nothing but a monotonous tone, "I'm, I'm not ordinary...but I'm not exactly special in any way. I think a different way."

"I know," He spoke. And it was the only spoken words that I truly trusted. There was something in his voice that made me want to respect what he said back - almost trusting his words.

Before I left, I gave him a nod. Though to him, I knew from his eyes that he understood where I was between him and everyone else. Knowing that I was the odd one out was terrifying for me.

But having someone actually understand for once was showing a little hope to staying within this new family.

____

A/N: For flips sake this took forever to write! Even though it was flowing, I found it so hard to get people into character. So if you think that some of the Yogs were out character, let me know as in the future: I'll probably have to interact with other people.

{But anyways, I wanted the character I'm portraying in this chapter to show more of her vulnerable side and the flaws she held. Yes: they have social anxiety, which has been actually personal issue I have.

And with CaffCast being mentioned in this chapter: I wanted the reader to know what's it like for someone to usually encounter a deduction like that.
Because unlike Martyn or Lewis: other people find it shocking for observers to know things before you.

Well that or I know some relatives that live down at that county of West Sussex. Fact: their hospital chairs are REALLY uncomfortable to sleep all night on!}

Hoped you enjoyed reading :)

-SierraOwls