Sometimes I wish I had died that day. Everything I wanted was taken from me. There's just nothing to.....

Live for. 

How can I go on? It'll take a miracle to get all of that back. A miracle that wont come. Im trapped, trapped in this box that's unescapable. No matter how hard I push the top it wont budge.....Nothing. Im numb literally from the waste down. I cant walk. I cant dance. I cant run. Im restricted to this wheelchair meaning Im restricted from the world. The world was made to run and fight through not wheel around in. He didnt get punished enough he took lives! Thirty students died that way. At least thirty physical deaths, im mentally dead. I dont talk to anyone anymore not even my parents or close friend. I can't, it reminds me too much of what I used to have. What I was going to be. Why? Why me? 

Im in my room all day. If Im not there Im at physical therapy, but its all useless. It's been three years since that tragedy. Three long painful years full of sorrow. I'll never walk again. Never run. Never jump. Never....

Dance. 

I was destined to be an idol. Number one dancer at my studio. Won many international dance competitions. It was my dream to become one. It was my world. I strived to become the best idol there ever was. BTS kept me pushing and showed me I could. If they saw me know they'd be so disappointed. Im a disappointment to my whole family. I should've died that day. It would've been better than suffering endlessly for the rest of my sad and miserable life. Im trapped in this box with no where to go. The event running through my mind non stop.

Flashback:

BAM!BAM! BAM!

I was in the bathroom when I heard the blood curdling sound of gunshots and screams ring out.  My high schools intercom turned on announcing that there was a shooter and on lock down. I tried to get into multiple classrooms but no one would answer... why would they. If anything I could be the shooter. Fear overcame me as I couldnt find a place to hide. My blood turns cold as I turn the corner. 

BAM! 

The loud sound of a gunshot rings out again. This time it was close. Too close for comfort. I run as fast as I can. Soon I get to the schools staircase. My school was three stories high and I was on the second floor. If I get to the first then there will be an exit. I slam the door open and quickly rush down. As the door to the first floor flies open and reveals a buff guy I knew well with a gun, my fear mixes with dread. I didnt make it. I freeze, stupid I know but I didnt know what to do I was only fifteen. He points the gun at me and thats when Im snapped back. He shoots and he hits me right in the stomach. 

'NO! I WONT GO OUT THIS WAY!! I CANT!', I turn and run in pain clutching my stomach. Please! Dont let me die. I feel more esxruciating pain when another gunshot rings out and a bullet hits the top of my shoulder. I falter a bit up the steps. 'No! Keep going!', I tell myself. I keep going and he keeps chasing. How long will this cat and mouse chase go on for? Soon my leg is taken out from under me when he grabs it. I slam into the stairs. 'Why? I was so close to the door! Two steps to go!', I scream in my head as he whips me around. "Your fear is beautiful", he says and a tear escapes my eyes. Im going to die. I didnt get to live my life yet.

Never got to make my dream job. Never got to drive a car. Never got to date. Never got to have a family. Its all leaving me. He whipes my tear away, "dont worry its better not living in this world. Im saving you." I shake my head, "No your ruining my world!" I then slam my knee into his crotch and quickly get up to run. It was difficult, but happened. I only got a bit into the hallway when another shot rang out and Im hit in the back. This one made me fall. This one took me out. I couldnt go anymore. Three shots were too much. "Its ashame. I like you Ayeong, but you did nothing as I was being hurt," he said as he crouches down to my almost lifeless body lying belly first on the ground. "I-I didn't know," I painfully let out. Blood trickled out of my mouth. "Sure, you didnt. If you survive this.  Just remember, when I get out of jail Im coming for you again." 

With those words another gunshot rang out and Im shot in the back once again. Everything becomes cloudy and I cant keep my eyes open. 'Im sorry everyone. I wasn't strong enough'. Were my last thoughts as everything went black. 

End Of Flashback: 

I wish I died that day. There would be no pain, no sorrow......

No suffering.