"The fuck do you mean she's dead?" I came to crying and screaming at nobody in particular though Erik was holding me down trying to shush me so the neighbors wouldn't call the cops.

"Babe, you need to shut the hell up, okay? Just shut up," he was crying too. I had never seen him cry.

"What do you mean? What do you mean? She's not! She's can't be. She can't! Stop screwing with me, Erik, this isn't funny. Give me my phone. Now. I'm calling her. She's going to answer. Get the hell off of me!" There were more words. A lot more words. I was screaming incoherently.

"Baby. Stop. Now." Erik put his mouth over mine but it wasn't a kiss. He was breathing into my mouth in a CPR like fashion. I cried. But, I stopped screaming.

"Erik," my sobbing wouldn't cease.

He got off of me and walked over to the cabinet, grabbed a bottle of vodka and sat back down on the floor with me, offering me the bottle. I shook my head.

"Sit up. Drink, Jenn."

"I don't want a fucking drink, Erik. I want you to tell me what the hell is happening and why you're messing with my head about Morgan."

He opened the lid, took a swig, set the bottle down and grabbed my hands to raise my upper body off of the floor. He then shoved the bottle into my chest. I followed suit and filled my mouth with the vile liquid. The burn soothed in a comforting way, yet I held back the urge to vomit. My head was spinning. I was completely lost again and fighting back the urge to not black out again or have another panic attack. I took another huge drink and handed the bottle back to him. I wiped my eyes with the collar of Erik's shirt and inhaled. Though it took everything in me to exhale again, I looked at him. He looked away.

"Erik. Look at me."

"Babe..." he did not return my gaze.

"Erik. Talk to me. Please tell me what happened. I need to know the truth."

"Jenn... Morgan died last night after you guys left the bar."

"What do you mean after 'we' left the bar. Who left? Her and I?" I was shaking. Was I with her? How could I have been with her when she died and wake up not remembering that my best friend was gone? It was not possible. It just wasn't.

"You, Morgan and Liam. I stayed behind to watch the band wrap up their set. I got a text... From Liam... He said.... He said..." Erik looked like it was his turn to pass out. He was ghost white and shaking. He had never come undone in my presence before.

"What happened, Erik," I urged him on.

"Morgan... The text... Jenn... Liam sent the text that said... It said..." he couldn't gather his words, he was losing it. I couldn't lose him.

"What did the text say, Erik?"

"It said... it said that you guys were waiting on the train... and you... You shoved Morgan onto the tracks... In front of the oncoming train."

A framed poster that Erik treasured fell off of the wall, shattering to pieces. Just like my beating heart.