Guilt

"Do you see that?" She asked, and I moved my phone off my face. Glancing over at the view she was pointing out I saw a kid wearing a Batman jacket, blowing soap bubbles and then he was running after it to catch them. It was a funny but never the less an adorable image. I looked over at Jeena; she had a soft smile over her face. It was warm and kind.

"What about it?" I asked because I knew it was not as simple as it seemed. She was trying to aim at something for me to see.

"That is what I want." She uttered, and I looked back at the kid who was giggling to himself as one of the bubbles burst against his nose.

"You want to blow soap bubbles?" I asked, looking around, not sure where to find them. Maybe Ezzah or Pamir knows but we have to wait until they do not join us in the park. They were still buying food for us while we are here on one of the picnic benches. She turned around and stared over at me as if I was stupid.

"No. I want what the kid has. That nature. A life without problems and pressure. A stress-free mind." Oh, my bad. I thought she wanted to blow some bubbles.

"Well, you cannot have that," I said with a shrug. Strange to say, all the people in my life want this, which is coincidentally crazy. Are we all fed up with our lifestyle that much? Maybe I don't feel like that because I do not have a routine.

"And why not?" She narrowed her eyes at me, causing me to focus at her as I shut my phone off, which I kept glancing at now and then. Putting it over the table, I took a long breath in.

"Because then that's not life." I gave her a small but sad smile. Truth be told all of this is just wishful thinking that won't really come true. If that was true, we do be in heaven now. An amount of such satisfaction can only be there. Here, it's just another day having another incomplete assignment which will never satisfy us.

"For someone who smiles a lot, you are pretty pessimistic." She said, rolling her eyes as she folded her arms over the table and looked at the side from where they were supposed to come because the gate was there.

"I am not pessimistic. I am just a realist. It's better to smile over what you have instead of crying over what you do not. Life will be a lot easier that way." I said, moving a little forward with my hands clasped together over the same wooden table.

"But what if we could really have such a life?" She asked, concentrating at me. I had the answer for it, but for a selfish moment, I just wanted to stare at her. The way she was looking at me to get an answer was practically speaking, can dilute our surrounding in a glimpse if it was possible.

The way her eyeballs moved back and forth as if expecting something that may disagree with her. Her lips were in a straight line as a serious cast plastered over her face. It was true that just like her every action, every word, her slight change in expression undid me. It was not because of her beauty, but it was the innocence behind it. One could even see it in her attitude in the form of childishness.

"Well, it's still a 'what if'. We can have a life that is better from what we have now, more peaceful but it won't be that perfect. Not now, not today, but we will have it." I tried to assure her and I could see she was, a little. Her eyes sparkled, and the enormity that had thickened the environment for a second had disappeared. That was how it was with her. I do not have to argue to prove a point. She realizes it, on her own and accepts what's right without a fight.

"Guys got the food. Listen up no one is complaining if they don't like it because I told you never to try food that you have never had just because it sounds fancy." Ezzah came, speaking from a distance away as Pamir placed the boxes on the table for us to pick. I did not expect them to show up soon.

Well, I was too busy staring at her and daydream about some crapped-up-rubbish fantasy regarding our future. Man, I can be dumb. Women are much better at this. We man can write a poem on them and still won't be able to get our feelings out properly, and they just go along with two lines, and we fall hard for them.

Pulling the box that said rocky mountain oysters over it, I heard Ezzah giggle. I glanced at her as she took a seat beside Jeena, who actually seemed confused as me. Pamir patted my back with a fake cough as he grabbed his box of food with the rest of them following him.

Shrugging it off I opened the box and saw some fried nugget or tender pop shaped food with a red sauce on the side in a small container and some salad.

"Wait isn't oyster haram according to some sects?" Jeena asked, and I glanced over at her with a pout.

"It is but it's not oyster. We went to a halal restaurant Jeena when we told you the menu on the phone." This time it was Pamir who explained as he took out the plastic fork and knife from a thin paper bag before opening his box.

"Exactly," I replied, shrugging as I picked one of the fried pops. I was just about to bite on to it after dipping it into the sauce when I heard Ezzah giggle again. Jeena stopped eating her burger, and I do not know why I felt suspicious as my eyes narrowed on their own account.

"Sorry," Ezzah said in a squeaky voice and stuffed her mouth with some french fries that Pamir had pushed her way. Ignoring them, I proceeded with my meal.

"Dude! It's good. " I said swallowing and eating the whole thing. "What is this meat. It's so...soft. It literally melts in your mouth."I said, going for another one.

"Let me see," Jeena said as she moved towards my box, but Ezzah pulled her hand away and looked at Pamir as I was glancing between them still eating those oyster things.

"Well, have you ever had goat's testicles before?" Pamir asked with full seriousness as he was digging into his steak while I stopped chewing. I could feel the texture of the food in my mouth be rubbery a little.

Jeena slapped her hand over her mouth as her head snapped in my direction with wide eyes and my mouth went ajar. Ezzah and Jeena made a face by the display of chewed food in the mouth. I had stopped gulping even my own saliva so that thing would not go in my throat. I was even afraid to move after realizing what they had done to me.

"Yuk." Jeena's awful expression did. I threw up in the nearest trashcan. I hurled up until all the content did not come out. It was by far the most disgusting experience of my life. Griping the trashcan with one hand, I whipped my mouth with the other. I heard them laugh behind me.

Pamir that a**h***. Oh someone is going down.

"You are dead!" I said and made a run towards him as he jumped out of his seat and ran the other way around as Ezzah and Jeena laughed hysterically behind us. I took a ball from the kid beside me and, throw it at him, but the prick dodged it, and the ball went into the small lake. The kid beside me started crying. Slapping my forehead, I went down on my knees.

"Stop crying. I will get it. I promise." I told the kid while turning him towards myself as the kid looked at me with fat tears dripping down his face. Awkwardly laughing, I messed the kid's hair which only caused him to start sobbing with purely horrible noises. I was terrified of the way that kid was crying. Pamir came running back to me.

"Where is the f**king ball?" I asked when Pamir slapped his hand over my mouth to shut me off, but we were too late. The kid had heard us.

"You said a bad word. Mom! The burglar said a bad word." The kid screamed over his lungs, and Pamir and my eyes widen, but before his mother could come, Ezzah and Jeena, came along and distracted the kid. Jeena picked up the kid and tried to stop him from screaming, making me take two steps back from him.

"Kids are horrible," I said, stopping beside Pamir.

"Tell me about it," Pamir said without glancing my way.

"Oh, so he took the ball away? Let me tell him to bring it back, okay?" Jeena was so sweet to him that I thought, I will have diabetes by it. The brat had the audacity to look at her with teary eyes and a broken smile.

'Drama!' I could not help but scoff.

"Rafan!" She spatted my name in anger, and my head snapped at her from the kid.

"What?" I asked gulping. I can still taste those disgusting testicles in my mouth. The fact I found them tasty caused me to shiver. I should puke again.

"Get his ball back." She said, and I looked back at the lake, where there was a half sank football floating with its not so wet surface.

"It's in the lake. I cannot go in there." I said, peering back at her, but she gave me a pointed look as her eyebrow raised and her tongue poked her left cheek.

I am not going in there for that brat. Nope. When Jeena realized I was not planning to move, she gave the kid to Ezaah as she came closer to me, still glaring.

"If you won't go, I will tag you on Facebook and Instagram writing on your wall that you ate kapuray in The United States of America with all capital letters. I am pretty sure people back home will love to hear that." She threatened me. I know my cousins, they will ruin my life if they found out I ate that.

"You are not going to tell that testicle story. You are kidding." I said back trying to catch her bluffing, but the only thing we got was,

"What are test-ucals? "The kid asked, and Ezzah placed her palm over the kid's mouth to shush him. Shaking her head, she informed him not to repeat that word again.

"Get the stupid ball before his mother finds out that we ruined her kid's childhood." By now, Jeena was screeching at me. Complying to her, I ran for the lake to get the ball with Pamir hot on my trail because of Jeena scolding him for lazily standing there like a puppet. Her words, not mine.

"Women are cruel, and kids are evil," Pamir said, folding his pants up.

"You ain't any better kapuray feeder." I gritted my teeth doing the same thing as him.

"Not my fault you are stupid for trying a new food without considering the ingredients." He responded as he slipped his feet in the lake but jumped back.

"Cold, cold, cold."

"Karma beach," I said, pushing him forward as he slightly lost his balance and glared at me.

He was in the yellow taxi as the scenery of the mosques and sea passed by his window into shades of aesthetics. Deep in thoughts, he blankly gazed at the view as the sun was burning over the earth. Deep in his thoughts, Rafan looked away to the other side. His shades reflected the rays that were supposed to glare his eyes. He was about to make a call to get away from his concerns when his phone rang. Looking at call ID, he dealt whether he should pick it up or not. Shaking his head in disappointment, he picked up the call and waited for someone to speak.

"Ass Salam Alaikum, buddy, how are you?" A cheerful Pamir spoke from the other side.

"Where is your wife?" Rafan asked instantly. Pamir twisted his lips in annoyance on his side of the phone. He still could not believe that Rafan hasn't changed even a bit.

"You can reply with a Salam, you know? And no, she is not here for your information. I am out on the patio." He replied with a huff. Rafan looked outside the window of the moving vehicle but never spoke.

"It was not her fault Rafan. She just cares about you guys." Pamir tried to defend Ezzah, trying to repair the cracks between them all.

"She wants us to get back together, which is why she is contacting me," Rafan blow out exhausted, "I do not hate her Pamir, I care about her equally, but what she wants, I am sorry, but that's not possible," Rafan said disappointed-ly.

"I know that is why when you went off to Malaysia without any explanation for a year I never told her anything when I saw her sulking and crying her eyes out in guilt as if she is at fault, when she was not," Pamir said feeling guilty for lying to Ezzah when he knew everything because he needed to keep his words of promise that he gave to Rafan. After all, they have grown to be good friends since Rafan met Jeena.

Rafan felt regretful too. Ezzah was not only his childhood friend and relative, but she was also like a sister to him. He should not treat her like that, but in reality, he did not have the guts to talk to her because he knew she would try to put some sense into him when he does not want it. He understands why Ezzah blames herself, but it was not true, yet he did not have it in him to tell her otherwise.

He was letting her suffer because he did not have to guts to talk to her. After all, Ezzah reminded him of why he loved Jeena without even trying.

"Pamir take care of her. She seems strong, but she is also fragile, and you know this better than me, and thank you for always having my back." And like always, Rafan changed the subject, and by now Pamir has been accustomed to his ignorance.

"Take care but if you ever reconsider talking to her or I don't know maybe, visiting here, even for work, please come and meet us, it's a request. Twins want to meet their legendary uncle." Pamir chuckled at the end that caused a small smile to appear at Rafan's face.

Kabir, who was sitting silently with him all this time, continued to act as if he did not even exist, was surprised to see his boss smiling. It was near to impossible, but it was not a real smile, it had a sadness to it, but Kabir never said anything and proceed with his work over his laptop.

"Allah Hafiz." It was Rafan, and Pamir replied to him with sorrow.

"It will take time," Pamir said to himself when the line went dead but turned around to enter his home, to his family hoping that one-day Rafan gets his.

Chapter 7

How was it? I hope everyone got the update, unlike last time.

So they had a bloody good time but...

Rafan has his own reasons.

What was your favorite moment?

Was it okay for Pamir to lie to Ezzah?

By the way who else missed them both?

That was pretty much it until next time dude-des

Allah Hafiz

P.S: The next chapter will be on 3rd Aug.