Keeping Promises

 "I hate it when people fight." She commented, seeing the couple that was seated two rows ahead of us. They were constantly bickering in hush voices. It was sad, true, but equally pathetic. 

I never understood why people argue or fight in hush voices just because they don't want to have a bad reputation among others. Yet why do they fail to see, how their words are hurting the person, they arguing with? Us, humans have a strange way of prioritizing everything. We prioritize events, dates, clothes, even people but not our words, our thoughts, our emotions, and others' feelings.

We want a flawless reputation with a flawed personality.

"We won't ever fight," I said without thinking how it would sound, but I knew it seemed wrong as soon as I said it.

I acted as if nothing happened, looking ahead without glancing at her, but when Jeena did not say anything. I peeped over at her and saw her already studying the features of my face. Giving an awkward smile, I stuffed my mouth with the popcorn I had in my hand.

I had looked away again, but I could still feel her eyes, and although my eyes were fixed over the i-max screen where Vision has picked up Thor's hammer to prove a point that he was pure, I could still feel her not moving an inch, confirming that she was staring at me.

Breathing a sigh, I tried to play cool.

"What?" I asked, glancing over at her again, ignoring the awkwardness.

"You said..." she trailed off.

"Yeah? I just said we won't ever fight. I don't fight with my friends." She kept her eyes at me but nodding her head in understanding, she looked back over at the screen, and this time I couldn't take my eyes off her.

She was beautiful, but that was not the only thing that I liked about her. I prized how her eyes narrow on the stuff she is suspicious of. I cherished how she acts delicately, though she is strong, to make people give in to her wishes. I like her raw emotions, which don't make sense, yet she never fits them to other people's preferences. With Jeena, it's pretty much impossible to be sad. She was considerate by nature. She wasn't pushy either plus she was smart.

'I REALLY LIKE HER!' I texted Pamir, in capital letters, when I couldn't take it. I have to tell someone, or I will blurt it out to her.

'She is my wife a**h***!' Came a reply. I rolled my eyes over his jealousy.

'I am talking about Jeena.' I replied and looked back up at the screen again but quickly felt my phone vibrate.

'For real? Just like?' I gulped, reading the text.

I felt my heart drop in my stomach. I was scared. I like Jeena too much, that is true, but confessing it, that was harder.

'I think it's more but how much more? I am not sure.' I replied and stared at the screen as three dots blinked from his side. I am not sure how would he react.

"Are you not watching?" I heard her voice, and in an instant, I pressed the side button and switched off my phone.

"No, I am." I quickly said, but she gazed at me as if there was something wrong with me.

"You don't seem okay. Are you feeling all right?" No, I was sweating like a hairy animal right now. I was terrified of what if she found out. It was as if someone spotted you while you were trying to steal something.

"I am fine. It's just I have seen it already." There was an expression of remorse on her face. I could see it, somewhat due to the little light that we had from the big screen in front of us.

"Oh, you are bored. I am sorry you had to see it because of me. I told you I could see it later." I saw how her lower lip covered her upper one. She looked incredibly soft and warm at that moment.

I have gone crazy!

"Hey! You don't have to be upset. It's cool. I promise I will try not to seem bored if I am actually bored." I tried to crack a joke, but she looked unsatisfied, yet she never said anything against it.

I faced her while she was facing the screen. The focus she had on a comic book-based movie was as if she was signing her death sentence made me roll my eyes playfully. She was grounded, casual, street smart, book smart, considerate, flawed, stupid, annoying yet all those things made her, her. I have met a lot of people in my life. Much classier than her and much more balanced but she was outshining them all without trying.

She was so careless about herself at times that it was hard to imagine what I saw in her that made me fall head over heels for her. She was opposite to what I would have wanted in someone, someone who would be my life partner and looking at where I am now with these thoughts it makes me chuckle on how dumb was I, to look around and find someone perfect for me when all I needed was someone completely imperfect.

After the credits were on the screen, I finally took the chance to look at my phone to see what Pamir has sent me in the text.

'I hate her, but I also treat her as a sister. Court her like a man, or I am coming after you like one.' That was all he said in the text. Was I dreaming or Pamir wasn't entirely against the idea of me liking Jeena?

"Come on. Are you up for dinner? I was thinking about Mexican food. What say?" Jeena said as she stood up, picking her bag in the process.

"Sure," I replied as I slipped my phone in the side pocket of my pant. We walked out of the AMC theatre as we wandered through the parking lot. She went towards her car while going through her phone and I felt left out. There was a thing about our outings. Suddenly I do feel like out of place when she would go silent. It bugged me to no end. It was as if I was counting each minute when she was not there anymore. There is nothing between us of that sort, and I get that, but it still made me feel uncomfortable when I was with her but not with her at the same time.

"Hey! I forgot to ask you something." Her voice made me realize that I had zoned out again, like most of the time.

"Yeah?" I cleared my throat.

"Why did you wear weird coloured clothes when you were a kid?" She had a teasing smile. I could feel her cheekbone becoming prominent under the flickering street lamp.

Who bloody told her about that?

"Who told you?" By now, I was stuttering. I wasn't angry or anything but still! Who was this evil?

"No one." She said in a soft voice. Her eyes sparkled under the little amount of light that was available. I knew at that moment, she was enjoying the information more then I was.

"I was colour blind," I said in a small voice as I took a step closer to her so she could see the sadness on my face.

"I am sorry I did not know..." She apologized with guilt as her eyes blinked with regret.

"That's what my cousins said, but I am pretty sure I was testing my ranges with colours." I shrugged.

I moved away from her to only walk over the passenger side and take my seat inside the car. I was positive she was confused, but she would quickly pick up the part where I just made a fool out of her.

"You prick!" She said after sitting beside me with a thud following behind, giving the notion of the car door being slapped shut.

"What did I do?" I asked with the same innocent eyes that she was demonstrating a few minutes ago, but she was glaring at me.

"Don't play dumb! You have no shame over your actions, do you? Do you have any idea how bad I felt for a moment for making fun of your fake disability?" She kept her eyes at me as if she could suck my soul out of my body.

She can scare people all right, but I was immune to her because she is all talk and no action. She doesn't hurt people back. Yet I do believe she has the ability to hurt people back if they hurt her, but for some reason, I haven't seen her do it since I have met her. Maybe I was just lucky.

"Right. So, you felt bad when you thought I was disabled but now, when you know I am not; it's okay to troll me?" My face was serious, but I was not though, not really. I was just putting her in a tight spot to see how far will she go.

Her eyes soften on an instant in guilt, and I knew at that moment, she had a heart of gold. For me, things were simple when it comes to seeing people. I see them for them. I don't run after long-term observations and intense judgment.

For me, it's just a moment to observe someone's one action and decide if I want to make them a part of my life and at this moment I decided that Jeena would be a very major part of my life.

He regretted it. The softness he saw that day in her eyes, was the cause of the betrayal that he went through. Her eyes, he could still see them whenever he closed his own. It was impossible for him to forget them. He has never regretted anything in his life, but when he finally did, it was something that was so precious to him that he would sacrifice himself in a blink, for her.

It was strange, but even Rafan could not understand how on earth was it possible for him to keep that promise. He promised her that they would not fight and even now when he wanted to have his revenge over her, there was a part of him that never wanted to let that promise break, neither the ones that he made afterward.

Maybe love never truly dies, it stays there, after making it's place that despite the people you love, hurt you and pretend like they never cared for you, you still love them back.

Under all that pain and anger, there is this box of hope, which protects that feeling inside of you that you call love.

Rafan was trying to ignore that box of hope.

There was a part of him that wanted to believe it was a delusional aspect of his brain, but somewhere he could not. The reality was indeed, brutal. At times Rafan felt his conscious speaking of his aims and the future actions that he willed. As if his intentions were not right, but he chose to ignore it.

Then there was the thought of him meeting her, Rafan meeting Jeena. To a person it would be a simple thought, every human has it when they decide to meet someone the once knew, but for Rafan, this one thought was far more crucial than anything he ever prepared for, Rafan could try, but he would never feel ready for it.

It was like a heavy brick over his chest when he thought what will happen when he sees her, her eyes, her face, and her soul if she still has one. Will, she still be as blunt as ever or will she cower away? Would he really walk past her to only stop and ruin her life, or will he see her and walk away forever after a single glance?

There was a time he saw the universe in her eyes, will it be hell this time?

Yet like every other human, he failed to realize that there is always another option if one tries to solve enigmas. It was not because he did not know it, but it was because he chose to ignore it. Trusting her back was an option he refused to accept. It was impossible to hold her and have what they once had. According to him, there was not anything left in the relation they have. They will never have happiness or grow old together. There was no chance again like that because he cannot find it in himself to forgive her. He still loved her, but he could not trust her, so he can never truly forgive her. This option meant to tell her how she broke him and how he still loved her.

At times he doubted himself on if he was so strong as he thought. Can he really take his revenge on her? Did not a glance at her, can undo him?

People say it's not easy to fight the world, but it's much harder to fight the people you love. You cannot glue yourself back together when the people who were supposed to shield you, are the ones to break you.

The gap she made by her mistake is a distance that cannot be covered, not even by the love he had for her. That is the trick of trust when the heart is involved; love is of no value if the thing that crumbled was trust.

Rafan knew, continuing this link named nikka without trust meant to a future of worthless possibilities which he rather not see. He has already seen enough.

Yet there is a chance that he is right. Distance doesn't promise them happiness like people say space and time heal things, but it only shows them a future where they both are miserable. They can be together, but they will never be happy. Trust was like that. If it's shattered once and even if you prefer, you cannot find it in yourself to be there with them and forget the heartache like it never happened because it did.

It was more real than our goals and dreams. The pain of this lets people hurt themselves so they could never feel it again.

Rafan tried it once, but after surviving that night with the cops, he realized there wasn't any point. Despite letting yourself get beaten by random people who blue you with bruises, you still feel your pain that you wanted to get away from.

His sharp nose glittered under the sun as he opened his eyes to see the rays and clouds from the small window. His eyes burned lite in the light when he realized where he was. He was still in the air, and he had somewhat three hours before his landing.

His jaws stiffened as he felt strings pulling over his heart. The ache was there all right, and with the decreasing time, it only intensified. In the silence of the plane, he heard his memories, the sound of her laughter.

The recurring emotions Rafan experienced in this one moment, only ends when he sees her. Is not it ironic how he wants to hate her yet cannot remove the longing, but until then he had to absorb his own internal mess. The mess that was telling him to let go and win her back. Maybe it was his slip, or it was hers's but what they had, what he wanted to keep forever was more valuable; yet he could not.

Rafan suffered, he lost, he cried, he never smiled again. He could not let it go to live it again.

"I was not a monster, she made me hate her, and now I cannot stop," Rafan whispered to remind himself before turning his face away from the window to glance at the screen that showed his whereabouts. Taking a deep breath, he shut off all the arguments that told him to listen to his dead mother, to listen to his heart. 

Chapter 5

AS SALAM ALAIKUM

How was it? Am I boring you all?

Our chilled out dude is...

Pretty pissed as if bhabi koi or laygaya hai!

What if someone else actually took her away?

Well, that's sad.

Anyhow that was it for today, until next time.

Allah Hafiz.

P.S: Next chapter is on 19 July.