Zeynep

I was not sure how, but he did it. Rafan had fixed everything up in one month. I still remember when in that restaurant, I had said 'yes' to marry him while he chocked on his chicken tandoori. I could not stop my laughter back then, nor could I stop it now when I think about it.

"What are you smiling at, Jeena? Pack your bags. I agreed to help, but this is me doing everything!" Ezzah had annoyance in her tone, which caused me to giggle, and Ezzah stopped rolling my clothes into a cylindrical form to save up space in my luggage. We had to leave tomorrow for Pakistan, early in the morning.

"Did you just... giggled? Did you just acted like a mushy girl?" Ezzah asked with wide eyes, frozen on her spot that made me chuckle even more. I do not know why I am happy these days. Everything feels peaceful all of a sudden.

"I cannot believe you are actually acting like a bride. Who knew!" Ezzah came in a rush as she pulled me in a hug from the side and kissed the side of my head, which was shocking because she does not like to touch or this sort of stuff.

"Shut up and help me pack," I said, slapping her arm that was around me. I mean, I felt warm by her comment, but my action caused her to twist her lips in frustration as she pushed me away.

"Fudge you." She said as she walked to my bags again.

"Technically, that is a curse word," I said, taking a shirt and copying what Ezzah was doing for an hour; roll it!

"No, no, it's not. I am not saying the actual word." She refused, pointing her index at me.

"But you are. The number of times you have you used it makes it f***'s synonym." I said, shrugging, hiding my smirk.

"Will you stop using that word! Astagfirullah." Ezzah dramatically said, which caused me to roll my eyes but never the less smile at her childishness.

"We have a problem." Pamir and Rafan barged in my room, causing me to arch an eyebrow at their manners.

"What happened to 'knock on someone's room' before entering?" I asked, placing my fists on my side.

"I am sorry, but Jeena, Murat called me... just now." That confused me. I stared at him, so he continues as an expression of helplessness plastered his face that mirrored Pamir.

"Shelling started in Palsenten again. There are a large number of casualties, and due to that, he cannot come earlier from his given time, not now at least... when it's a bloody mess over there. They need all the help they can get." Rafan took a step forward towards me in what felt like an act of comfort.

"He never called me," I started feeling cold as if a current was passing through my spine and the hair on my neck stood up in fear.

'Will Murat be okay?' That thought made me gulp in fear even more.

"He will be fine," Rafan said as his hands went up to hold me, but he placed them back down by his sides.

"I should call him. If you do not mind, can I have some privacy guys, please?" I said, not looking at anyone. The only thing I could gaze at was the floor because I knew I did not need to see the look of sympathy in their eyes when I was sure it was not directed at me, in the sense of pity. I knew they were generally sorry for what has happened.

One by one, they left. Rafan was the last one to leave the room. He wanted to stay back, he wanted me to stop him and tell him to stay here as my support, but unfortunately, I could not do such a thing. It was not because I did not trust him because Allah knows I trusted him too much for my own good, but because I am not used to people standing beside me when I am hurt.

I did not have people who cared for me when Anne passed away. Abu, even he was stuck in his sorrow that he did not see how I was sulking and scared, but I do not blame him. Abu loved Anne too much to let her go and live without her. Maybe that is why he passed away soon after her within three months. Even at that time, I was alone.

Murat could not be with me on both occasions. He was always late due to his personal issues and dealings. He tried to be there, but by the time I would have stabilized and collected myself.

I called him, hoping that he would pick up. Since he left for Palestine, it was hard for us to talk to him. Most of the time, he would not have signals, or if we did talk, he had to go for an emergency.

"Salam." Alhamdulillah. I closed my eyes, hearing his voice as it soothed my fear a little.

"Walikum Ass Salam. Are you okay?" There was silence for a moment on the other side as I heard some sounds of machines and instruments.

"Yes, Alhamdulillah. We are just putting away things. Came out of surgery. It's horrible, here, Jeena. What they show us... it's nothing in comparison to what it's like to be here. Blood, dead bodies, crying children, screams of agony. It feels like the end of time." I could hear a mixture of grief with anxiety in his voice.

"Will they be okay?" I asked, knowing the answer but hoping against it.

"I do not know, but seeing them like this, I do not understand to either say Alhamdulliah for what I have or say Astagfirruallh over the fact that I am able to say Alhumdulliah. We are so so ungrateful, Jeena, you have no idea." He was right, I am ungrateful too. I was thinking about my brother. Instead, I should have been thinking about the rest of those suffering over there. My brother was helping them when I was here happily planning my wedding.

"Just keep in touch, okay?" I said, not wanting to take his time. Every second of this call costs him to miss on to someone who needs his.

"Sure. Do not forget to send me the picture." He said, and I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "Pictures?" I asked without thinking

.

"Your wedding pictures. I am sorry I am not coming, but Rafan promised me he would take care of this matter." I am not having a wedding! How could Rafan promise him such a thing?

"I am not having a wedding when you are stuck there, doing what you are doing, Murat." I cannot enjoy or be happy when he is not safe.

"Jeena, do not be stupid. Your talking exactly like Rafan. Why do not you both understand that you need to have someone by your side, who can comfort you when this world tells you otherwise. Get married, Jeena. You do not understand what it's like to lose something without even having it. I have seen it with my own eyes here. I may not be there but take it as my wish, permission, and order as your guardian, but do not hold back because of me." I did not know from where he was speaking from, but it still did not feel right to do it without him being there.

"Murat..."

"I know what you are thinking, Jeena, and even if I am not there, so what? Was I ever there? I have always disappointed you after giving you hope that I would make it, but I never did. So this time I won't tell you that I will be there. I will just tell you to live your life because despite I am not there, you are always in my prayers, and there is nothing better than dua, is it now?" I wanted to tell him that it was not true just so he won't feel that he bailed on me, but I could not. The part of me that does not lie even stopped me at such a moment.

Sometimes cruelty was a part of the very truth that I supported. I was not upset with Murat for all that he could not do because he was doing something better at that time. Something that was important, but I still wanted him to be there with me, and maybe he is right. Maybe Allah does send people in your life in the form of human-support for us to remember the support of our Creator.

"Jeena, are you... Doctor the man is crashing." And just like that, the line went dead. He did not say anything because he knew I would understand, after his parents and mine, the only people whom we had, were each other. We understood each other without any complication, regardless of the distance.

I walked outside to talk to them but stopped in the hallway hearing their voices.

"I am calling Ami. I need to tell her that the wedding is off." It was Rafan.

"You just promised her brother that you won't do that." Pamir pointed out.

"I promised to be with her, to support her and protect her, and I can do it even if I am not married to her. We can not do this to her. Her brother is there, stuck in a war zone, and we expect her to be happy, to live with joy just because things are already in motion. I do not think I can be that selfish." Rafan words reminded me of what Mustafa had said. He was right, I needed that support for the future. I needed something to hold on to when things got bad.

I needed Rafan.

"I think he is right, Pamir, but I also think we should wait until Jeena does not say something. I am pretty sure she won't go with the wedding, but we should still wait and not be aggressive while handling this matter." Ezzah was always like that. She knew the right thing to do, but she was not impatient to do it right away unless the opportunity calls for it. She wanted to be sure about the right things before taking a step, and maybe that is why she always got the best result over her own choices rather than others.

"Do not call it off," I said, taking a few steps towards them. Ezzah and Pamir glanced over at each other after staring at me while Rafan's eyes had narrowed as they focused all over at my face, to be exact.

"And why not?" Rafan had a touch of anger in his tone.

"I am not pitying at you if that is what you think, Rafan. Murat is right. We do not know what will happen tomorrow, and I do not know when I will die either. I have lost a lot of people, and I do not think I am capable of losing someone even before having them." Rafan's once narrowed eyes had softened on my words as he glanced away. The phone that he had in his hand, he placed it on the coffee table, and gave me another glance.

"I still think..." I knew what he was about to say that is why I cut him off.

"He wants pictures. He wants to see me happy because he wants to be sure that I am not alone. Do not go against him when he has put upon your shoulders a responsibility." To someone who does not know me, I would probably sound selfish, but I know how it is to lose someone in that war zone. People do not usually come out of it, and if Murat went through something similar, I won't be able to forgive myself. What if this would be the last thing he asks of me. I hope it's not. I pray to Allah that He keeps Murat safe and sound, but we do not have any hold over time and moments.

"I do not want you to do this." Rafan stood up at his place while Ezzah and Pamir silently watched us.

"For him, I have too." I knew how I sounded. I sounded like I had fears of losing Murat to his duty as a doctor, as a human, and most importantly as a Muslim. Maybe this is his last wish, and if so, I would give him that.

So, it's better to give someone relief and a chance to smile. 

It's been ten days seen she last saw him. She had not contacted him. She feared that he would do something she was not able to handle, and then there was a part of her that reminded her that if she never came clean, he might leave, and there might not be an 'again' for them.

Her eyes moved away from the steaming cup of coffee. She focused on the girl that was playing an imaginary game with her doll. Her golden hair glittered under to the rays of the sun that flowed through the window behind Jeena.

How she wished that things were different, but they were not. Yet, Jeena's mistakes had changed everything.

The bell ringed, and the little girl ran for the door. Jeena ignored thinking it must be her dad. Jeena took a sip, but she paused when she did not hear any commotion. Zeynep never came back, nor did anyone else. Confused, she moved towards the exit of her living room when Zeynep came back, holding a man's hand.

The man had a smile over his face that slightly changed his firm feature in pastel. Light brown eyes fixed over the girl's head as she smiled back and forth. As soon as the little girl focused at Jeena, his eyes glanced up at her as well. Rafan's eyes lost the little softness they held a few seconds ago.

"Ass Salam Alaikum." It was Jeena who spoke first when she saw how awkwardly Zeynep looked between them. Rafan just nodded in acknowledgment.

"I... Zeynep, show me your homework?" Jeena said to the little girl in Turkish, which caused Zeynep's eyes to widen. She never finished her homework, and Jeena knew. The girl left Rafan's hand on the spot and ran upstairs to finish it.

Rafan's eyes followed her until she disappeared upstairs. He never turned back to Jeena. He was not sure what to say anymore. He was not expecting to see the little girl and meet her. He came to scare Jenna or at least threaten her but seeing that kid, Rafan was not sure anymore.

'Was it okay to let the kid suffer because I want Jeena to suffer?' His inside twisted on the question that his subconscious asked.

"Would you like something to drink, water, maybe?" Jeena politely asked. Rafan did not speak and just stared at the pictures that were hanging by the wall under the stairs. She looked happy with her new family. Different pictures hung. Some had the Zeynep and Jeena together, and some had her with that other man and Zeynep as well. He physically felt drained out.

This was a happy family that he had imagined for her with him.

"I can see she isn't the shy type, but why didn't she answered me back?" Jeena knew he was asking about Zeynep and his observation was not wrong, not entirely at least.

"She is shy, but... she cannot speak," Jenna said after releasing a sigh. Rafan turned around this time as he felt as if someone had punched him. The little girl held his hand when she could not answer and pulled him in with a smile over Jeena's name. The little information hurt him a bit too much.

"By birth?"

"No. Zeynep went through a traumatic incident. Doctors said she lost her will to speak because of it." Jeena gave him a sad smile. Her small gesture made him concentrate on her.

Jeena was without a hijab. Her hair short, less volumed. She had gotten thinner. The bangs she once loved were nowhere. Her face regardless of the natural glow seemed tired. The brown sweater was too big for her. Jeena came across as a cat in a bundle of wool.

'She seems warm. Maybe it's due to the fabric. I hope she is not sick.' Rafan thought as he silently stared at her, making her more uncomfortable.

"Jeena, I hate the chase. I am giving you two options, and this is your final chance. You have to decide." Rafan came here to play with her. To bother her, but seeing Zeynep like that, he did not have a heart to torture her.

'Stop fighting and just give her a chance.' His mind spoke.

"Either tell me why did you leave me or pay me back, now." He knew he was acting like a child with such a demand, but he was exhausted. He could not ruin a kid's life because of her mother. It's been six years since she left him and two years since he started to look for her.

Was he angry?

True.

Hurt?

Absolutely!

But he was not evil. He could not hurt a kid who probably went through something insanely painful that made her go mute.

Her eyes soften. She knew Rafan was angry, but he still was him. He was the same Rafan who loved her. Who had kindness inside of him. Who would never hurt a person because he naturally awful at it?

"I wish I could." She stated, feeling a sob building up that she was trying to stifle.

"I promise I will try to understand, do not let me dangle again, please. Not this time." Rafan was begging. Rafan knew he was acting pathetic, but he did not have a choice. Jeena looked away, whipping a drop of tear that was sliding down her cheek.

"Jeena, you did something without counting me in. You have no idea what I have lost. It was not just you." His words were like a sword against his own chest, but he wanted her to understand where he stood and still stands.

"What do you mean?" His words made her fear. She left him for his own good, but his expression was far from it. It was not just anger towards her. It was sorrow far above her.

"Please do not let me say it." There were far worse things from begging, and one of them was an interpreted pity.

A lot of people will not believe this because their ego and position do not allow them to beg. They do not plead, so they never feel sympathy over their unexplained experiences. If he tells her what he lost after losing her, it will only cause her to pity him, which he does not want.

"Rafan, what happened after I left?" She asked in a tone that revealed how frightened she was.

"Why did not you leave me?" Rafan braced himself as he ignored her question and looked her in the eye, dead serious.

Was it finally the right time?

Chapter 14

Sorry! Don't be cold to me for being late.

So he did ask her to tell him, do you think she will?

Wasay larka itna bura bhi nahi hai, Rafann ain't that bad.

Acha to Ghbarana nahi hai and tell me whats your most favorite thing about the book or characters?

That's pretty much it until next time while I watch the non-existing rain.

ALLAH HAFIZ

P.S: The next chapter is on 7th to 8th oct.