Book of Amelia's Life Snippets

I think I never should have agreed to take Hannah in our group. All she does is keep drooling over Aaron!

Essa says it's Sal whom she keeps drooling over. Not Aaron. I don't think so! I don't want her. Essa thinks it would be fun to play cupid for Sal. Bleh.

All Aaron does is talk with Hannah ever since she has come in our lives. Excuse me, I'm your girlfriend! Not that fucking skank!

I saw them. I saw them kissing. AT MY PARTY! IN MY HOUSE! I'm not gonna say anything now. Let those two have some more fun. I'm gonna use this to my advantage. Both of em will pay for sure.

I feel like smashing Hannah's head against a wall. That slut! I'm gonna tell her she can't hang out with us anymore and I'm gonna do it my way by insulting her in front of the whole school. I wish she would just go away.

This was the last entry in her book. The pages were all blank after that. I read the last entry again and the hurt in me slowly turned into anger. And then rage. And I bolted out of the washroom.

I heard Sarah calling after me but her voice seemed so distant. The way it seems when we are dreaming and our mom calls us to wake up. All I remember clearly after that is someone pulling me away from Amelia and people shouting at me to stop.

****

That someone was Sal. He had pulled me away when I was almost about to choke Amelia out of her senses. He had taken me through the kitchen door into the backyard where we were now sitting.

There was a large swimming pool which had lights underneath the water and the whole backyard smelled of lilacs. We sat on the patio chairs, looking at the stillness of the water in the pool.

There was no wind at all. Not even a single leaf moved. But I still felt better out here than the stuffy atmosphere inside the house. Sal looked at me patiently, giving me time to calm down. He had never seen me like this. No one had ever seen me like this, not even Sarah. I myself was shocked that I had done such a horrible thing. Ruin someone's birthday, embarrass myself in front of a huge crowd by doing something unacceptable, and then sit in front of the person whom you probably like, ashamed of yourself.

"You okay?" Sal finally asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I simply nodded, not yet ready to look him in the eyes.

"It's okay if you don't wanna tell me."

"I read Amelia's diary." My voice was hoarse from all the screaming and crying.

Sal looked at me, urging me to go on. I wanted him to understand everything just by this one line as I had no energy left in me to speak or move. All I wanted was to go home. Coming to this dreaded party was a big mistake. What was I expecting? Amelia or Aaron or Vanessa to just walk up to me and tell me everything that they have been hiding? Ha! Never in a trillion years.

"Maybe I should stop," I thought aloud.

"Stop what?"

"Trying to find out what happened to Hannah. Maybe she's dead."

"Rachel!" Sal held both my shoulders and turned me towards him. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that! We're gonna find her."

Tears rolled down my face and Sal wiped them with both his thumbs. "Shh, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Come here." Saying this he pulled me into a tight hug.

When he pulled away, my hair were sticking on my tear stained face. I was sure I looked horrible with the makeup and mascara running down my face but didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. He carefully pulled the strands away and placed them behind my ear. His face was too close to mine. I could smell his breath. Beer and mint flavored chewing gum.

After two blinks, his lips were on mine. I could now taste the mint flavor. His lips were soft and cold. My heart started beating faster as our kiss deepened. Sal caressed my lower lip, first slowly and then with urgency as if someone would come and interrupt us.

His left hand was on the small of my back while his right hand was in my hair. My stomach was tingling with a warm sensation which I had never felt before while kissing other guys.

Sal slowly pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, our noses brushing eachother, both of us a little breathless.

"Am I interrupting something?"

We both turned back to see Sarah standing at the kitchen door. Sal went all red and was trying hard to come up with words.

"Don't sweat it, Sal. I knew you liked her."

"Wh-what? How?"

"I have got sixth sense." Sarah winked and looked at me, "You okay?"

"I think so," I looked down at my hands, still embarrassed about what I had done.

"I think we should go home."

"No." A form came around from the front of the house. Aaron.

"I think you need to apologize. To Amelia." He said as he came closer to where we were sitting.

I would have scoffed at him or laughed at the thought of me apologizing to Amelia. In some other reality or dimension. But I did something terrible, almost choked her in front of all the students from our batch. Screamed at her and blamed her for all the bad that's been happening lately. On her birthday. In her house.

"Yeah, you're right." A shiver ran through me as I said those words, unable to look anyone in the eyes.

Sal put his arm around my shoulder, pulled me closer and whispered, "Are you sure it's okay?"

I simply nodded.

****

As we entered the house, most of the people had left and some were huddled in corners, whispering and giving me stink eyes. Wow, Rachel. You really did a great job here!

"She's upstairs in her bedroom," Aaron murmured.

Before going ahead, I stopped and turned around. "I guess it will be better if I go alone."

Sarah and Sal hesitated for a split second but then agreed.

With each step I took, my heartbeat grew faster and faster. What would Amelia say? What would she do to me? Would she ruin my life too like she does with all those other people who piss her off in some or the other way?

But I hadn't pissed her off. Oh, no no. I had done something much, much, worse. And now I was walking towards my doom.

I knocked at her bedroom door twice. There was no answer so I slowly pushed it open. Amelia was sitting on her bed, staring at the wall in front of her. Her expression was completely unreadable.

"Too scared to come in?"

I don't know what it was, maybe the way she said it, but suddenly I didn't feel sorry for what I had done. She deserved it, for all the evil she does to other people. For writing those things about Hannah.

I could feel the rage building up again but I did my best to suppress it back down. "I just came here to say sorry. I'm so embarrassed of what I did. It was completely, utterly wrong. I don't know what came into me. It's just all the stuff that you do tha–"

"And what exactly do you think I did, huh?" She snapped her head towards me, her eyes filled with rage and something else that I quite couldn't place. Hurt?

"Yes, I may be a bitch," she spits, "I may have done some awful things, put people down, hurt their feelings just so I could feel superior to them. But I never, ever did anything to hurt Hannah even though I knew she kissed my boyfriend."

My eyes wandered to the drawer where Sarah had found Amelia's diary. Amelia followed my gaze and stood up.

"I know you read my diary." She walked over to the drawer and ran her hand on its surface. "I always keep this drawer locked. How the hell did I forget to lock it this time?"

I dared my feet to walk inside her room. Amelia looked at me and gestured me sit on her bed. I sat and started fidgeting with my bracelet, unsure of what to say.

Amelia went towards the door and closed it shut. What the hell? What is she going to do now? I took deep breaths as she came near me. Is she going to slap me? Or me choke me like I did to her? No, she wouldn't do that. There were still people in her house.

Instead, she came and sat down next to me. When she looked at me, I could see sadness and pity in her eyes.

"Ask me whatever you want to, Rachel."