𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 | 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻

KATHERINE LINETTI BELIEVES THAT THIS is going to be her week. It's only five minutes to nine on a Monday morning, but she has full faith that nothing is going to go wrong. She hardly ever wakes up positive, she likes to think of herself as a glass-half-empty person purely because she has so much proof to back her up that she should be, so when she does, she takes it in her hand and is hard to bring back down. The blonde-haired woman strolls out the elevator and onto the fourth floor with her coffee cup in her hand, a bright smile plastered on her face.

Amy looks up from her desk as she spots her best friend approaching her. Her eyebrows furrow at the happiness radiating off the detective. "What's got you in such a good mood?" she questions as she folds her arms.

Kat dumps her bag down onto her desk and directs her sunshine-like energy over to her. "Right now, Amy Santiago, I feel like nothing or no-one can bring me down!"

She squints her eyes and wanders over to place the back of her hand on Kat's forehead. "Are you feeling okay?" she murmurs in confusion.

She swats Amy's hand away with a playful roll of her eyes. "I'm fine," Kat replies exasperatedly. "I don't know, there's just something in the air."

"Something in the air?" Both women look over to Charles sauntering over with a playful expression etched onto his face. "Like, love?" Rosa looks over to them from her desk.

"God, Boyle, you know I don't have to be in love to be happy, right?" Kat gives him a pointed look and he rubs the back of his neck before nodding and murmuring something in agreement. "Nothing's gone wrong for a little while, and I'd like to keep it that way." She takes a sip of her coffee and her eyes squint in thought. "Actually, while I'm on this, what's the bet that this year my life and everything in it miraculously turns around?"

Amy and Charles share a look. "Uh..."

She sighs. "No? Yeah, too big of a stretch." She physically deflates and drops down into her chair to then place her head in her hands.

Amy gives her a sympathetic smile and takes the seat beside her. She places a hand on Kat's arm as she says, "You never know, anything can happen."

"Yeah, chin up," Rosa calls out. Kat slowly lifts her head to look at the curly-haired woman. "You never know."

With her confidence levels thoroughly depleted, Kat follows the rest of the squad into the briefing room for the morning meeting. The first thing they find is Jake at the whiteboard, staring at the scoreboard belonging to his and Amy's bet. He glances over his shoulder to find the room full of his colleagues and grins as he grabs the nearby marker. "And with a record of five felonies solved in one week," he corrects his tally, now only one arrest in front of Amy, "Peralta pulls ahead!"

Kat glances to Amy beside her to find the woman scowling deeply at him. "You got this," she whispers to her encouragingly. She loves Jake as if he is her brother, however, his ego needs to be knocked down just a little.

"Did you guys hear that I solved five felonies in a week?"

"Oh, we heard," Amy grumbles.

"Really?" Jake tilts his head to the side slightly. "How?"

Kat stares at him. "Dude, you jumped up on a desk and yelled, 'Five felonies in one week!'" On the other side of the room, she swears she sees Rosa smile at her attempt to mimic his voice. "And credits to Boyle for putting the Mentos in the coke bottles." Charles beams proudly.

Jake licks his fingers and grins. "That's the sweet taste of triumph."

"You should shower more," Rosa tells him.

"Yep..."

The room quiets down as Terry enters, clipboard in hand. "Updates on open cases," he calls out.

Charles holds up the file in his hand. "I just got a DOA on Bessemer Street," he tells the sergeant.

Terry nods. "You're the primary, you're in charge." He gestures a hand over to each relevant person as he says, "Take Linetti, Diaz, and Peralta."

"Yes!" Boyle exclaims excitedly. "My fantasy foursome." When he notices how Jake, Kat, and Rosa are all looking at him strangely, he quickly clarifies his words. "Of cops on a case!"

As Captain Holt walks into the briefing room, he instantly commands all their attention. "Detectives," he begins. "Our monthly crime statistics are due. I want all paperwork on your closed cases by tomorrow." Kat nods, silently reminding herself to make a note to finish a report from last Friday. "Scully, you can just write 'I didn't close any' on a piece of paper."

"You got it!"

Amy raises a hand into the air, a small smile on her face. "I already got my paperwork in, Captain," she announces proudly.

He directs his gaze onto her. "Then I guess this little reminder isn't for you."

Jake leans forward on the table he's at to talk to Amy in front of him. "Wow, looks like he hates you even more than me," he whispers.

Kat rolls her eyes as Amy turns around to him. "No, he doesn't," she retorts. "We have a good relationship. We're on the same page."

"Something to share with the rest of us, Santiago?" Holt calls out.

Amy's eyes widen in alarm as she spins back around. "No, sir, I wasn't..." She points to Jake. "Peralta was the one that was talking!"

Jake looks at her in amusement. "God, you must have been the worst fourth grader ever," he remarks.

Kat snorts, then quickly apologises when Amy rounds on her with a scowl. "Jokes on you," she tells Jake smugly, her smile returned. "I skipped fourth grade."

"Santiago!" Holt interrupts. "Anything else?"

"No."

"No?"

"Uh-uh."

"Dismissed."

As Kat walks out of the briefing room beside Amy, she taps Charles' arm to grab his attention. He glances over to her from his file. "Just a warning, we know you haven't had Jake as a secondary in a while, but he's shit at it," Kat deadpans.

Amy nods in agreement. "Yeah, be careful," she adds sincerely. "It can be rough."

Of course, Peralta had been right behind them in earshot to hear their comments. "Hey, saboteurs," he calls out. Both women stop and turn around to face him and Charles. "That's not true!"

Katherine arches a brow to him. "Really?"

"Yeah!" Jake confirms defensively. "I happen to be a very good secondary."

Whilst Charles nods along in agreement, Kat and Amy share a look. Each of them have had experiences where he had been their secondaries, and each of their experiences rival the other. A few months ago, Amy had been interrogating a suspect and Jake had banged on the glass so many times that he had eventually shattered it. Kat had had him with her on a case last year, where he had been so persistent on taking charge that the two had argued profusely. Of course, this meant that the case was handed over to the Major Crimes Division because they couldn't close it fast enough.

"You can't give up control," Amy argues. "You're terrible at taking your primary's orders, you just do whatever you want."

Kat folds her arms over her chest as she narrows her eyes at Jake. "You have zero patience, and when something's not done the way you want it to be done, you go ahead and do it yourself, which completely defeats the purpose of having a primary in the first place!"

Jake's eyes widen slightly at just how frustrated she is by bringing up an old memory. "All right, I get last time wasn't great-"

"Oh, it was not great," she snaps. "You drove the train off the damn tracks."

He sighs as he looks between the two of them. "Okay, look, I can be an amazing secondary," Jake glances to Charles, "and I'll prove it."

Boyle nods, a smile gracing his face. "I know you will, Jake-in-the-box!"

Kat grins, knowing that her childhood best friend absolutely hates the name. Sure enough, Jake turns to stare at the man. "Okay, don't ever call me that again," he states seriously. "I'm driving. We should leave now. Carry my bag," he tells Charles. When Jake notices the pointed looks both Amy and Kat are sending him, he adds, "But you should pick the music, primary!"

Kat swings her bag over her shoulder and follows Charles and Jake out the building, bracing herself for the car ride ahead of them. It's going to be a long one. Especially since Charles is choosing the music.

⋆。 ﾟ✩。 ⋆。 ﾟ☀︎ ﾟ。 ⋆

Almost as soon as they lay eyes on the body covered with the white cloth, Jake voices his thoughts. "Wow. This guy must have weighed five-hundred pounds. I think we have an idea what killed him. Spoiler alert: it was not starvation." Standing beside Rosa, Kat shakes her head. Yeah, it's going to be a long day. The group of four looks over when one of the uniformed cops walks over to them.

And thus begins Jake Peralta's thirst for power.

"What do we got?" both Jake and Charles question simultaneously.

Jake quickly pats Charles's hand apologetically. "Sorry, sorry," he says. "You're the primary. You're in charge."

"Frank Patterson," the officer tells them, reading off his notepad. "Fifty-eight years old, married, no children. Wife found him this morning and called it in."

Now crouched down to examine the body, Charles glances up to the cop. "Any signs of forced entry or a struggle?" he asks.

"No."

"You sure about that?" Jake counters. "Looks like maybe his belt had a pretty epic struggle with his stomach." Whilst the cop, Arnie, laughs, Kat pinches the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

Rosa looks to Charles as she questions, "What are you thinking?"

"All ri-"

"I'm calling natural causes," Jake interrupts. Kat's eyes bulge with irritation, and she and Rosa share a look with one another. "We got heart medicine over here, home defibrillator... and a frequent customer gift basket from the cardiac wing of Brooklyn Methodist. This case is open and shut. Just like his mouth was, constantly." He holds his hands up as he quickly adds, "That was my last fat joke!"

"No god can help me here," Kat murmurs to herself. Rosa quietly snorts.

"Diaz and Linetti, check and see if there's any more meds in the bathroom," Jake orders them. "Boyle, see what you can find in the bedroom. I'll take the kitchen."

As he wanders off, both herself and Rosa turn to Charles with their hands on their hips. "Yep, that's exactly what I was gonna say," Boyle defends. "It's... It's so weird. He's so good at knowing what I'm gonna tell him to do, he just does it. It's weird."

Both women lock eyes, equally as annoyed as the other that Jake is taking over yet again. "I'm gonna go have a talk with Mr Know-It-All," Kat tells her quietly.

Rosa nods and watches her storm off into the kitchen before slowly following behind her.

"Peralta," Katherine hisses. Jake's eyes widen as he spins around, thoroughly alarmed that she had used his last name. "What the hell is this?" He opens his mouth to retort, but she doesn't let him speak. "You need to let Boyle do his damn job! You're the worst secondary known to man."

Jake flinches, taken aback by her brutal honesty. He sees how she and Gina are related now. Rosa joins them and nods in agreement with the blonde's words. "So far, you've managed to tell three fat jokes and completely bulldoze Charles." She raises her brows. "How is that your idea of being a good secondary?"

"It's not an idea because he's not thinking anything through," Kat answers bluntly.

Jake's eyes flick between the pair. "First off, I've told four," he corrects Rosa. He watches Kat's eye twitch, so he quickly adds in, "And second, I'm helping." He jabs a thumb behind him to the fridge. "I mean, I started cataloguing the contents of the fridge, but it turns out there's not enough paper on earth." He grins and holds up his hand. "Five fat jokes." Arnie chuckles. "Thanks, Arnie. See, Arnie thinks I'm doing great!"

"Arnie, shut up," Rosa deadpans.

Kat inhales a deep breath. "Jake." He meets her eyes. "You need to step back and let Boyle do his job. Or I'll file a complaint with Holt."

Both Rosa and Jake's eyes widen in shock. "You'd really do that?" he whispers softly.

Kat shrugs, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "You'll have to find out," she replies before walking away.

A few seconds after entering the bathroom, Rosa walks in. "You serious?" she asks as she joins Kat searching through the cabinets.

She glances over her shoulder to the woman. "Of course not, but he needs to stop thinking about himself for a few seconds." Kat purses her lips. "A few harmless threats aren't going to hurt anyone. Especially Jake."

"Can't say I disagree."

⋆。 ﾟ✩。 ⋆。 ﾟ☀︎ ﾟ。 ⋆

The following morning, Jake taps his pen on his desk, squinting his eyes in thought as he stares into empty space. "Hey, Jake!" He turns around in his chair to see Charles strolling into the bullpen. "Have you heard anything from the M.E.? She hasn't sent the autopsy report." Kat briefly lifts her head from her pile of paperwork to look at Jake with furrowed brows. The autopsy was meant to be performed last night. As she returns to her work, she keeps an ear open as she listens to their conversation.

"Oh, that's strange," Jake admits with a frown. "Maybe probably a bunch more people died, and she got super busy? That's definitely what happened." Now Katherine fully stops working.

Charles, not wanting to believe anything less than his best friend is right, nods. "Okay!" he chirps. "Just let me know when she calls!"

"You got it," Jake replies cheerfully. As soon as he spins his chair back around, he flinches at the stare Kat is giving him. "Christ, what's your problem?"

Her eyes narrow. "Spill," she orders. "Now." On the opposite desk, Amy and Rosa direct their attention to the two.

Jake quietly groans as he walks over to them. "Why do you have to be such a good detective?" he complains. Kat flashes him a mocking smile. Once he's certain he's got all their attention, he clears his throat. "Okay, can I ask you guys something? Can you keep a secret?"

Rosa places her hands on her hips and arches a brow at him. "Do you know anything about my life?" she retorts.

"No, I do not," he concedes. "Good point. Okay, so you know the new medical examiner?"

Kat leans her head back and audibly sighs. "Great, you slept with her, didn't you?"

Jake's eyes widen as his head snaps over to her. "I did not!" His best friend stares at him blankly for a few seconds, then he finally gives in. "Okay, so, I might have slept with her."

"What?" Amy asks in disbelief.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot who I was talking to. Sex is something that two adults do with their bodies when they're attracted to each other," Jake remarks playfully.

Rosa's eyes flick down to the woman beside her. "He's right, Santiago. Do you not know that?"

Kat rolls her eyes for what she assumes is the tenth time already today. "Okay, we're getting derailed here." Amy sends her a split-second look of appreciation. She returns her gaze to Jake, disappointment etched onto her face. "What the hell were you thinking?"

Amy nods in agreement. "She was supposed to be doing an autopsy for your primary – Charles." Kat waves a hand over to her.

"The guy died of natural causes," Jake retorts, his arms folded over his chest as he defends himself. "What's the big deal? Anyways, back to last night. As you would imagine, I'm normally up for anything in the bedroom, but I can't tell if what happened was weird or sexy." Jake grimaces as he tells them how the woman had run an ice-cube over his lips.

Rosa shrugs. "Not that weird."

Katherine nods along. "Yeah, it's not that bad."

Jake raises his brows, clearly conflicted by the experience. "Cold? Like a dead guy?" he suggests.

"You're reading into that," Amy dismisses.

He looks at her pointedly. "Am I? She said my appendix was inflamed," he says, placing his hand on his stomach. Kat rolls her eyes. "I don't even know where an appendix is, guys!"

Amy raises her hands up in disgust. "Ew!" she exclaims loudly. She stands up from her chair and plants her hands on her desk. "Please tell me you ran out of there."

"Yeah, please tell us that," Kat says with her nose scrunched up. "I do not want to hear any more to this story."

Jake sighs. "Well..." Kat groans. "For some reason, I kinda started getting into it." He then recounts the roleplay that he and the medical examiner had gotten into.

Kat's chair screeches back as she abruptly stands up. "That's it!" she exclaims. "I'm done!"

Amy is in a similar boat, her hands covering her ears as she tries to pretend that she had never heard the words that had just left his mouth. "Stop, stop, stop!" she protests desperately. "Weird, weird, weird!"

"Rosa, what's your call?" Jake asks. "Weird or sexy?"

"Weird," she replies immediately.

"Kat?" Jake huffs a sigh when she looks at him pointedly. "I knew it," he mutters to himself. He looks back to them hesitantly. "But also kinda sexy?"

"No," Rosa states firmly. "Weird."

Katherine walks around to stand beside Rosa so she's in Jake's direct line of sight. "What I'm wondering is, how did you think having sex with the medical examiner would make you a good secondary?"

Rosa nods in agreement as she glances to her. "Yeah, Charles was grinding through paperwork," she tells Jake, giving him a look of disapproval.

"Told ya," Amy says, a hint of smugness in her voice. "Worst secondary in the unit."

"Nae," Kat interjects, holding up a hand. "The NYPD." Amy clicks her tongue and nods.

"What do you guys want from me?" Jake questions in exasperation. "You know, I take over a crime scene, I'm a bad secondary. I blow off work to have sex with a hot coroner, I'm a bad secondary." He fails to notice how Charles is walking right past him. "I can't win!"

Boyle looks up from his file with a smile. "What are you guys talking about?" he asks curiously.

"Um, just weird sex stuff that has nothing to do with work," Jake replies, trying to act as casual as he possibly can.

"I once had sex on a futon," Charles tells them proudly. "And it was in couch mode." He walks away leaving the group of four staring at him.

The day passes by quickly, every detective having their own respective jobs, whether it's carefully painting a detailed portrait of Captain Holt, or figuring out if the most recent death is a homicide instead of natural causes like first believed.

It's around quarter past two in the afternoon when Charles approaches Rosa's desk, both herself and Kat going over documents for the case. "Hey, guys." Both women look up as he stops by them, his pen tapping against the manilla file in his hand. "Can I show you something?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

Charles leans against the corner of the desk as he explains what he had only just figured out. "Patterson's wife told me that they were going on a cruise together next month, but her credit card bill shows only one ticket booked."

As he hands the file over to them, Kat's eyes widen with realisation. "So she probably knew he was going to die," she says.

Rosa smiles as she looks up to him. "Nice find, Boyle."

He nods. "This could be a murder," he says excitedly. Then his eyebrows draw together in frustration. "Where's that autopsy? Jake went down to the M.E. an hour and a half ago." He glances over to Peralta's empty desk. "He still hasn't got back to me."

Both Rosa and Kat share a knowing look. "Jake went to get the autopsy report?" Diaz questions, concern seeping into her voice.

"I know," Charles says proudly. "Isn't he the best? He's really coming into his own as a secondary. I wanna get him something nice-"

"You know what?" Kat shakes her head and stuffs her hands into the pockets of her blazer. "I think we should go down and check on them!"

Rosa quickly nods. "Yeah, let's go see what's holding him up."

As the pair stride out of the bullpen, Charles nods to himself. "Good call," he agrees.

A few minutes later, the three detectives burst into the morgue. The medical examiner, Dr Rossi, grabs her white coat and smiles at them as they enter. "Detectives!" She clears her throat, almost in an uncomfortable manner. "Hello."

"Shirt's buttoned wrong," Rosa points out immediately.

Kat purses her lips together as she studies the blonde-haired woman. "I suddenly get the appeal," she mutters to herself. Rosa hears her and rolls her eyes.

Rossi shrugs the coat on and glances down to her shirt, noticing how numerous buttons are incorrect. "Huh! So it is. Well... How can I help you?"

Whilst Charles talks with her, Rosa and Kat split up and start walking around the room to try and find Jake. They know he's in here, they just need to figure out where. Just as Dr Rossi tries to escort Charles out, Kat stops by one of the lockers when she hears a disturbance inside. She nods her head over to Rosa, indicating the woman to join her. "Hang on," Kat calls out. Both Charles and Rossi turn over to them. Kat opens the locker and forcefully slides the metal tray out, revealing Jake covered with a white sheet. "Oh, hi there," she says with a very fake smile.

"Ah, thank goodness you're here!" Jake greets them gleefully. "I'm so lost, do you know where the vending machines are?"

Charles grits his teeth together in annoyance whilst Rosa and Kat look at Jake with a combination of disappointment and disapproval. After climbing off the tray and securing the cloth over his naked body, Jake steps back to try and dig himself out of the metaphorical hole he's now in. "Are you serious?" Kat exclaims irritably.

"Look, it's not what it seems like," Jake tries to defend himself.

"Yes, it is," Rosa snaps back, her arms crossed over her leather jacket.

"Yes, it is," he accepts. "Here's what happened. I came down here to get the autopsy report and in conclusion, here we are." Jake smiles. "Now if you'll excuse me-"

Kat's eyes are narrowed to slits. "Cut the bullshit. This is your fault." Rosa glances to her for a second, her eyes lingering on the blonde's face before she turns back to Jake.

Peralta sighs. "Look, I'm sorry I slowed down the autopsy results, but everyone knows it's natural causes."

"Not anymore," Charles argues, his hands planted on his hips. "We think it could be a murder."

Jake's brows draw together as he takes in the words. "Wait, like, a murder murder, or, like, his mouth murdered him by making him eat so much food that his heart exploded?" He notices Kat's scowl, and with the hand not holding up the sheet he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck.

"Murder murder," Rosa confirms. "We need the autopsy to be sure."

When they all look to her, Dr Rossi shifts her weight and folds her arms. "I have not gotten to that part yet," she admits.

"You guys have been here for two hours," Charles voices angrily. "What, did you have sex, like, forty times?"

"Forty times?" Jake repeats incredulously. "No, Charles! Look, I'm sorry, we didn't know it was a homicide."

"Well, it shouldn't matter," Charles counters. Kat waves a hand to him in support. "I'm your primary and I asked you to do something. So if it's okay, I'd like to be upset with you."

It finally seems to hit Jake that he's royally screwed up and pissed off not only his colleagues, but his friends. "It's more than okay," he tells Boyle in understanding. A small smile adorns Kat's face. "It's okay times two. Now, Dr Rossi, will you please perform the autopsy for us right now?"

"Actually, with a body this size, I'd need my assistant, and I gave him the rest of the afternoon off when Jake showed up," she explains with a sly smile.

Jake raises a hand. "Guilty." His smile vanishes in the speed of light when he realises that Charles, Kat, and Rosa are all staring at him. "Okay, fine! I will act as your assistant because I am a wonderful secondary."

Kat stops beside him and roughly pats his shoulder. "Yeah, don't get ahead of yourself."

⋆。 ﾟ✩。 ⋆。 ﾟ☀︎ ﾟ。 ⋆

At the end of the day with the case finally wrapped up after the victim's wife had confessed to his murder, the group of four meet at Shaw's Bar down the road for a celebratory drink. After all, they deserve it. Each raises their drinks to clink against each other, smiles etched onto all their faces. "Nice job, Boyle," Rosa praises him. "You nailed it."

Kat raises her beer bottle to her lips and takes a sip. "Of course he nailed it," she adds, giving her friend a smile. Charles returns it brightly.

"He's a great primary," Jake agrees. He turns to Charles to sincerely apologise. "And I'm sorry I was such a bad number two."

"Understatement of the century," Kat mutters. Rosa grins.

Jake turns to give her a blank look, then turns back to Boyle. "I may, for the first time, have been a bit of a jerk-" He cuts himself off to glance to Katherine, knowing that she's going to retort something else. "Save it." She rolls her eyes. "Anyways, I'm sorry."

Charles grins. "What a wonderful moment," he says.

"I agree!" Jake nods. "It is a wonderful moment!"

"What a wonderful moment."

Jake gestures a hand to the two women. "Do you guys agree?" he asks them.

"It's all right," Rosa confesses. "It's all right."

Kat sighs and breaks into a smile when Charles and Boyle look to her. "Yeah, it's okay."

"Wonderful moment," Charles and Jake sing together, out of synch and out of key, "between two guys..."

Boyle takes his phone out of his pocket when it vibrates. "D.A. wants to set bail for Patterson's wife," he tells them. "They need me to send them all the files."

Jake sighs and places a hand on Boyle's arm for a second. "I'm the secondary," he says. "I'll go back there and do the busy work." He stands up and gives them a brief smile. "You guys stay here and keep celebrating."

Rosa arches a brow as she looks up to him, clearly sceptical of his motives. "You sure you're not just sneaking off for more weird, dead guy sex?"

Kat hums as she sets her bottle down. "Yeah, do we need to come along and babysit you?"

He lets out a laugh that cuts off after a few seconds. "We will never speak of that again," he states firmly. "Never. Okay, bye."

As Jake hurries off, Charles sighs. "God, crazy day, huh?"

"I hate small talk," Rosa responds. "Let's drink in silence." Kat smiles and takes another sip of her beer as Charles heads over to the bar to order some snacks. She and Rosa sit together without saying a word, a comfortable silence hanging over their heads. A minute passes before Diaz locks eyes with her, her lips quirked up into a small smile. "You wouldn't be too bad as a primary," she admits.

Kat raises a brow in amusement. "What happened to no small talk?"

"I can handle small talk with you."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Don't get used to it," Rosa retorts. She watches Kat's smile grow, and when the blonde's head turns to the side, she lets her eyes flick across her face. Rosa shakes her head and her own smile appears once more.

𝘴𝘰 𝘪 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘢𝘵... 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 😖