
iii. the one with algernon and the psychic
CHAPTER THREE | FOREVER


iii. the one with algernon and the psychic
"I MEAN, REALLY, KAT, IT'S not that big of a deal. It's only a..." Jake looks down to the phone he had stolen off his best friend for a few minutes. "An hour drive! Plus, I'd pay for gas, and the... well, the bribes." She arches a brow at him. "You know, in case we have to bribe the guards to get upstairs. So, we could leave at lunch and just come back to our shift maybe, like, a few hours late?"
Katherine sidesteps around a trashcan that had been carelessly tossed over on the sidewalk. A dog barks from an apartment to the left, and she smiles, reminded of her own. She and her fellow detective walk toward the Ninety-Ninth precinct that looms over them at the end of the street. The smell of expensive coffee and hotdogs waft through the air, morning chatter lingering at traffic lights and food stands.
She glances over at Jake in exasperation. "Let me get this straight," she says slowly, eyes rolling when he smiles innocently at her. "You want to visit Nakotomi Plaza on a Wednesday while we're both swamped with cases, and get back late to receive the wrath of Holt?"
He takes a sip of his coffee. "Pretty much," he says without a beat. "Yeah."
Her eyes narrow ever so slightly. "And you think we'd have to bribe the guards?" Of course they'd have to bribe the guards. She shouldn't even be surprised.
"Well, technically it's a working office building, so..."
"Jake!" He looks over to her, lips pressing together hesitantly at her impatient tone of voice. "Dude, I'm all for this, really, I am. But could you choose any other day? Like, when we actually have days off?"
He scoffs. "What's your point here?" he retorts.
"Because I know for a fact that you will not spend half an hour max in the building you've fantasised about being in your entire life."
Jake sips the drink again. "Why are you so frustrating?" Kat rolls her eyes as she opens the doors to the lobby for him. "Honestly, one minute you're encouraging me, then the next you're saying no. Make up your damn mind, woman!"
The pair of detectives walk past a few of the uniformed officers conversing with one another, their feet carrying them to the elevator that would take them up to the fourth floor. Instead of arguing like she knows he wants her to, she stays silent for a minute.
Once they enter and she presses the button, she tries to switch the topic of conversation to something he's a little less passionate about. "So," she begins thoughtfully. "We've known Holt for a week, and you didn't seem too scared when I mentioned his possible wrath..."
"That's 'cause I'm not scared of him, Katie. I'm—"
"Not scared of anyone, yeah, I know," she finishes with yet another eye roll. She sighs. "Just give him a chance, I'm sure once we get to know him a bit better, things will be a little more fun."
Jake hums in agreement. "Oh, yeah. This new captain is gonna solve all my problems." The elevator dings, and the doors slowly open for them. "Who am I kidding, I ain't got probs!" But as they step out onto the fourth floor, she immediately takes notice that he tenses. "Oh, crap," he hisses. "Why is he looking in my desk? Kat, why is he looking in my desk?"
Following his gaze, she watches their captain drop a case file back onto Peralta's desk and turn around upon hearing their arrival. "Oh, man," she whispers to him with concern. "You're screwed."
Opening the gate to the bullpen, Jake quickly plasters on an unbothered smile. "Ah, Captain," he greets brightly. "You're at my desk!" With his hands on his hips, Holt glowers at him. "Just what I wanna see first thing in the morning."
Raymond turns his glower onto Katherine, his eyes flitting between them disapprovingly. "You're three minutes late," he points out.
"Not my fault," Jake states quickly. "I had a plumbing problem. Which reminds me, I'm gonna need a new departmentally issued phone." He smiles.
"Linetti?"
She frowns. "Sorry, sir, I had to take my dog to the vet," she admits. "He, uh, he swallowed some leftover pizza, and was sick."
His eyes squint judgementally. "You should never leave something like that around in an easily accessible place for an animal. All of this is your fault." Her frown deepens. It's like she's personally offended him. Holt nods. "Dismissed."
"Apologies again, Captain." With a quiet sigh, she shuffles around the pair and plops down into her desk chair.
Jake starts toward his own desk but stops when Holt crosses his arms over his chest. "Really?" he protests in a whine. "I'm a few minutes late, so you're gonna call me out in front of everyone?"
"Good idea."
Once the captain looks away from him, Jake spins to his best friend desperately. "Kat," he begs to her. "Help me."
Her eyebrows raise. As much as she loves Jake, she can't deny the amount of joy and humour that the consequences of his childish behaviour bring into her life. "You brought this onto yourself, son," she retorts, deadpanned.
"Everyone?" the captain calls out. "Gather round, so I can call out Peralta." The entire bullpen pauses what they are doing.
"Okay, fine. I was three minutes late. I'm sorry for doing one thing wrong. And why aren't you calling out Kat? She was three minutes late, too!"
Holt puts on his glasses. "Firstly, Detective Linetti had a legitimate excuse. A dog's health is far more dire than a... plumbing problem." He picks up a handful of the files stacked up on Jake's desk behind him. "Secondly, it's more than one thing."
Jake's smile falters. "Uh oh..."
"Let's start with the Kristov murder."
"It was an amazing solve," he remarks seriously. "I got him to confess in twenty minutes."
"You also mislabelled the evidence, so that confession is worthless if the sergeant hadn't caught your mistake." Terry directs his eyes onto the floor when Jake looks over at him. "Here are three cases with sloppy paperwork. Here are two pictures." Raymond holds up a pair of photographs for the detective to observe. "One is your locker. The other is a garbage dump in the Philippines."
Kat rolls her chair around to join the group that have crowded around the desk to spectate. She scrunches her nose up at the mouldy banana peel. Amy spots her reaction and leans down, the usual smug smile on her lips. "Bets?" Santiago whispers.
"Left is locker, right is dump," Katherine mutters back. Amy looks back to the photographs, hesitates for a millisecond, then nods in agreement with her.
"Can you tell which is which?"
Jake's eyes dart between the photos as he studies them intensely for a few moments. He eventually points toward the right. "That one's the dump?" he presumes, hope tinging his answer.
Linetti and Santiago fist bump.
"They're both your locker," Holt corrects loudly.
Jake makes a face. "Gah, I should've guessed that!" His grin returns, pointing to their captain as he adds, "He's good."
"This folder is labelled, 'Undies-comma-dirty.'" Holt gestures to a sage green folder.
The detective under the spotlight furrows his eyebrows in genuine confusion as to why it's being pointed out. "So I won't confuse it with 'Undies-comma-clean!'" Charles quickly nods in understanding. "Also, who cares about all these rules? I have more felony arrests than any other detective here."
Holt takes a step back to the desk. "You also have more mice living in your desk than any other detective!" He pulls the top drawer out.
Peralta immediately gasps at the sight of the brown mouse squeaking inside the drawer. "Algernon!" Whilst the room makes various protests born out of disgust, recoiling away, Jake carefully scoops up the critter into the palm of his hand to show him off. "You guys, Algernon's back!"
"I thought Rosa killed it last year," Kat comments quietly in confusion.
Rosa glances down to her. "I killed a mouse last year," she confirms.
Katherine kisses her teeth. "So that must've been Frederick... No one tell Jake." Her friends quickly nod in agreement, deciding it best to just let the man believe their current story that the animal had escaped the precinct to live a better life in the big, wide world.
"Get rid of the mouse," Holt demands sternly. "And get your act together, now."
Jake raises his arm close to his face as Algernon walks along his leather jacket. "He's grumpy!"
⋆。 ゚✩。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎ ゚。 ⋆
Covering her mouth with her hand, Kat loudly yawns. The last few weeks of sleep had been, to put it simply, terrible. First, it was the Gina problem. But after her sister left, she had troubles falling asleep in her apartment all by herself. Then, once she finally got accustomed to being alone again, Bear had eaten the pizza she forgot to put away last night. So, she had—at best—maybe two or three hours of rest.
Damn pizza.
No... She couldn't blame the pizza. You never blame the pizza.
She barely hears Terry calling her name during the morning briefing until Amy nudges her side and catches her attention. Blinking quickly, Kat lifts her head up from the desk. "Hm? Sorry, Sarge," she states. "You were saying?"
Terry gives her a look. "I was saying," he continues, tone of voice exasperated. "Where are we at with the Jay Street drug bust?"
"Oh, right." She clears her throat and straightens her posture. "There were twelve keys of coke unaccounted for, but we just got a warrant to search the dealer's apartment."
The sergeant nods his approval. "Good," he praises. "Take Boyle, Santiago, and Diaz."
Charles raises his coffee cup. "Dream team," he declares happily. Seated at the back of the briefing room, legs crossed on the desk, Rosa narrows her eyes slightly at him.
"Peralta, brief us on the vandalism case."
Jake leaps off his chair, striding to the front of the room with gusto. "Well, there's no easy way to put this, Sarge, but someone has been painting wieners on squad cars." Gina lets out an unabashed snicker. The television flicks through photos of gratified vehicles. "And apparently they won't stop until there's a penis drawn on every cop car in Brooklyn."
"Oh, that's what he's been drawing!" Hitchcock exclaims in realisation. His eyes narrow at the screen. "But what are those two little round things at the bottom?"
Kat places her head into her hands. "He's hopeless," she whispers.
"That's the butt," Scully replies to his partner.
"They're as bad as each other," Amy corrects quietly.
Jake shakes his head in disbelief. "The butt?"
"I assume you have a plan to catch this gentleman," Holt says.
Peralta points a finger at him with a smile. "Did you just say 'genital-man?' Because if so, kudos, and yes, I have a plan. I'm gonna plant a decoy squad car as bait." The screen flicks to a map of the neighbourhood. "Meanwhile, I'll be waiting in an undercover vehicle, here."
"He's already tagged three U/C vehicles," Terry points out. "He can clearly spot 'em." After a moment of hesitation, he suggests, "You should take my minivan."
"A minivan?" Rosa calls out incredulously. "A-ha!" Kat grins at the sound of her laughter. The room breaks into chuckles.
With a scowl etched onto his face, Terry's eyes narrow at her. "You all got a problem with my minivan?" The laughter quickly subsides, and deadpanned faces take over wide smiles. "'Cause my wife doesn't like it either... She wanted an SUV, but those things roll, man. They roll!"
"That's a good idea, Sergeant," Holt agrees. He nods to Detective Peralta. "We'll take the van."
Jake frowns at one of the words. "We?" he repeats in surprise. "You're coming with me? Sir, with all due respect, I don't need backup."
"It's not backup. It's babysitting."
"Babysitting," Rosa exclaims in amusement. "A-ha!"
Two black coffees later, Katherine Linetti feels no less tired. She's not even drinking the caffeine anymore to try and give her more energy, because that's clearly not working. It's an addiction. Once she got hooked onto the bitter, caramel taste, it's a habit to keep drinking it like water, even if she's not getting the supposed benefits.
Standing around and going through the files for their assigned case, Charles speaks up as he comes across something interesting. "Oh, look at this." The three women beside him look up from their own documents. "The drug dealer got a BA in art history from Brooklyn College." He tilts his head to the side. "Interesting, huh?"
"How's that interesting?" Rosa asks, eyes squinted.
Boyle hesitates. "Well, it's surprising because you would think he had studied... drugs."
"Oh, man." Katherine grimaces, shaking her head. "Come on."
"I studied art history, too," Amy announces with a proud smile.
"Also not interesting," Diaz retorts.
"No, no, very interesting," Kat reassures her best friend. Amy gives her a small, grateful smile. Rosa rolls her eyes.
Gina strolls over with a bright smile and swiftly interrupts the conversation. "Excuse me! I know I'm just a lowly civilian administrator, but I couldn't help overhearing you're looking for some missing drugs?" The group of four look between the older Linetti sister and the woman standing beside her.
Kat stares at the female in the pink shirt and tries to remember where she had seen her before. It takes her a few seconds. "Oh, my God," she blurts out in realisation. "Carlene!"
Amy raises her eyebrows. "Carlene?"
"Gina forced me to visit her a few years ago for a card reading about the future or whatever. Turns out, that psychic bullshit is exactly that. Bullshit." Carlene stares at her with a slightly irritated expression. Kat's blue eyes turn steely. "I wasted two-hundred dollars on that crap. Two-hundred dollars."
"My friend here, Carlene, is indeed a psychic, and a brilliant one at that. Ignore everything my sister just said because it's wrong. She walked out after a minute, so technically you wasted your own two-hundred dollars."
With a soft expression mirroring sympathy, Carlene leans forward in her armchair and gently rests a hand on Katherine's. "The one you have feelings for will eventually love you back," she assures.
Kat reels back with a loud scoff, abruptly standing from the couch. She storms out of the room, yelling back to Carlene, "Bullshit!"
Gina wraps an arm around Carlene's shoulders, ignoring her sister's wide-eyed expression, and smiles once more. "Look, the point is, she's ready to help you," she tells the detectives.
Carlene opens her wallet and pulls out a business card. "I do palms, tarot, and I have a degree in numerology from the Internet." She passes the card to Charles who eagerly takes it.
"Bullshit," Kat murmurs.
Rosa nods in agreement with her. "Really, Gina?" she asks exasperatedly. "A psychic?"
"What? She's the real deal!" Gina's smile returns when Kat doesn't make a comment. "E.g., last week she predicted I would have a sensuous encounter with a guy named Mark. And I did."
"Wow," Katherine says flatly. "What luck. It's not like Mark's one of the most popular names in the country."
Amy lets out a laugh.
Rosa cracks a smile.
"Kat, shut up. Seriously. Okay, she's had visions that, frankly, science cannot account for." Charles nods along at Gina's words in awe. "Also, she can get you amazing deals on ladies' footwear. She's Assistant Manager at Leonard's Designer Shoes."
Amy looks between Gina and Carlene with boredom. She's clearly just as over this interaction as Kat and Rosa are.
Kat arches a brow. "Are you sure she's not Assistant to the Regional Manager instead?" Rosa chuckles. Kat waves a hand to her in appreciation when no one else reacts to her words. "Thank you, at least someone's on the same level as me."
Gina stares at her sister. "How old are you?" she asks seriously. "Really, how old are you?"
"Vision!" Carlene suddenly calls out. She holds a hand out to the group, eyes falling shut. "The drugs are in a location." Three of the four detectives listen and watch in pure disbelief. "I see the colour blue..."
"She sees blue," Gina repeats theatrically.
"And yellow. And I see the letter L... R, S, T, W, E... and B."
Amy places a hand on her hip. "So basically, everyone's first eight guesses in hangman?"
Kat grins. "Well said, Detective Santiago," she remarks.
"Thank you, Carlene," Rosa concludes with an amused smile. "Your entire life is garbage."
⋆。 ゚✩。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎ ゚。 ⋆
Kat thinks that this apartment is nicer than her own. No, it is nicer than her own, without a doubt. The recently renovated place makes her eyes bulge out of jealously. It also happens to be the crime scene of their drug case. But a crime scene means that the sell price would be considerably lower than the rest of the nearby competitive market.
It also just so happens that her friends think exactly the same as her.
"High ceilings, three bedrooms," Amy marvels, looking around the home enviously. She sighs. "Why does every perp have a nicer place than I do?"
"You know what they don't teach you at the academy?" Rosa eyes the piece of art next to her. "That it's better to be a criminal."
Kat hums. "What are we doing with our lives? I'm seriously thinking about quitting and robbing banks instead." One of the uniformed officers a few metres away catches her words and eyes her distrustfully. "No worries here, just joking around..." Amy chuckles at the way her smile drops in the speed of light the second she's no longer under scrutiny.
"Oh, no... The cabinets are blue," Charles exclaims, staring at the kitchen in worry.
"Christ, they're awful," Katherine observes with a frown.
"And tacky," Amy agrees. Her head tilts to the side. "Not a deal breaker, though. I'd just repaint it."
"Wanna split half the asking price?" Kat proposes, very serious.
The dark-haired woman grins. "Hell yeah."
As the pair head into the bathroom to divide and conquer, Charles makes them pause as he says, "The psychic predicted the drugs would be found in something blue." Kat briefly turns back to him. He seems visibly distressed. "She also made this really depressing prediction about my life."
She frowns at him, beginning to inspect the vicinity around the vanity. "Charles, I'm sure it can't be that bad," she attempts to reassure him. He's obviously invested in Carlene's scheme, so there's no point in denying him and ignoring his troubles.
"And if she's right about where we find the drugs, that means she's right about the other thing."
Amy's having none of it. "Uh huh." She pulls out her pocketknife and points it down the hall. "Kitchen," she tells him. Kat shrugs at the man when he looks to her. "Whoa," she suddenly says. The two detectives look back to her and see that she's pulled off a section of the baseboard. "Jackpot!"
Kat crouches down beside her, eyes widening at the cocaine tightly packed inside the wall. "Holy shit," she remarks in disbelief. "That's way more than twelve keys."
Rosa runs into the room. "Where was it?" she asks.
"Baseboard," Amy answers, nodding down to the illicit substances. "Behind the hamper."
As soon as he hears the words, Charles comes racing back over to them. "What colour was the hamper?" he asks, a frantic urgency tinging his question.
Kat hesitates. "Green..."
He lets out a sigh of relief. "Yes! The clothes hamper was green. The clothes hamper was green!" Charles points between the group with a pleased smile. "Drinks on me," he tells them whilst walking backward.
Rosa chuckles. "You're weird," she says.
Once they return to the precinct, it doesn't take long for Boyle to stride over to Gina with a smug attitude, determined to tell her that Carlene had been wrong. Naturally, wanting to stick it to her sister, Kat gleefully follows. Sure, she probably could be doing something more important—definitely—but this was one-hundred times better.
"Gina! Oh, Gina," she calls out across the bullpen. Her sister looks up from her phone and watches them approach her, eyes squinting ever so slightly.
"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your friend's predictions about the drug case were wrong," Charles states proudly. "Which means," he leans forward on the desk, "all of her predictions are wrong."
Gina's eyes flick to her sister. "Seriously?" she asks dryly.
Katherine nods. "I've never been more serious about anything in my life."
"Mm-mm. No way," Gina denies. "She's never wrong."
Charles places his hands on his hips and his lips upturn further. "We found the cocaine behind a green hamper," he reveals. "Never said green, or the letter H."
Gina hums in an almost patronising matter. Kat's smile slowly starts to fade. "She said 'blue' and 'yellow,' Charles," she points out. "I don't know if there's any kindergarteners present, but those two colours combined make—"
"Green," Katherine finishes with a groan. "Crap."
But Gina's not finished. "She also mentioned the letters L and B." Charles shrugs, not finding the comment meaningful. "And another name for a hamper is..."
"Lady... bin...?" Gina waits for the realisation to sink in. Charles' face falls. "Laundry basket," he hisses.
Kat slumps down into a nearby chair in defeat.
"Oh, little boo-boo. Can you go be depressed over there?" Gina waves a hand over to his desk. She raises an eyebrow at her sister. "You're both bummin' out my whole area." Charles walks off with his lips dipped into such a large frown, his colleagues are worried it might become permanent. Once he's out of earshot, Gina adds, "Why so glum, Kitty Kat? You should be the happy one here."
She looks over to Gina in confusion. "Huh?"
"Oh, you don't know... Carlene said Rosa doesn't love Charles back, and that she will never love him back." Katherine continues to stare at her, very unamused. "Are you kidding me? This means you have a chance with her!"
"Gina."
"I'm serious! You get your chance to get your fruity on with her!"
"Gina."
"Fine. You're so in denial, you're pretty much in denial about being in denial."
Kat almost smiles, moving the chair closer to her sister's desk. Gina actually puts her phone down. "Please, can we just stop with the whole Rosa thing?" She keeps her voice low and quiet in case of any unintentional eavesdroppers. "I don't have a thing for her, never have had a thing for her, and never will have a thing for her. She's a friend, and that's all she'll ever be. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's straight."
Gina makes a face at her words. She reaches out a hand to touch the younger woman's cheek. "Wow, this is incredible. I'm thinking I should call the Oscars and tell them to consider you for this year."
Kat rolls her eyes again. And then something happens—something that is so rare that Katherine Linetti freezes. Gina becomes serious.
"Look, you're my sister and I love you, but, Kat, your life is so sad. Like, it actually physically pains me just to think about it."
"Wow, okay, tell me how you really feel," she murmurs in offence.
"What I'm trying to say is, by continuing to deny you don't even feel slightly attracted to her, you're only making yourself more miserable." Gina gives her a sad smile. "I don't like seeing you miserable, Kitty Kat."
Her eyes flick down to the ground, fingers twisting one of her rings. "Thanks," Kat says quietly.
She doesn't need to say anything else. They both know. Gina smiles at her. This time it's softer. "Love you, Katie," she says.
Katherine clears her throat and stands up. "Love you, too, Nina." Gina's smile widens at the childhood nickname. "Thanks," she adds. "Really."
"Now go tell hurricane Charles to stop wallowing at his desk, because even from over here he's still severely affecting my mood. It's just blam, blam, blam."
"And she's back."
⋆。 ゚✩。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎ ゚。 ⋆
"Twenty-point-two kilos," Amy states. She pauses for a second and studies the scales weighing the drugs. She looks to the other three detectives in the room with her as she adds, "I feel like we could round up to twenty-one."
"Or we could round down to twenty, take the extra zero-point-two, sell it to our friends..." Everyone turns around to look at Gina. Seemingly not fazed under the scrutiny of a roomful of cops, she laughs to play her words off like a joke.
Kat rolls her eyes. She genuinely wouldn't be surprised if Gina did eventually steal something from the evidence locker without anyone in the precinct knowing. After all, if anyone could do it, it was her.
Amy sighs. "I'll call the DA. Kat, Rosa, log this in." They share a brief look with one another and nod. "Charles..." She glances back over to the civilian administrator leaning on a shelf. "Maybe watch Gina." Said woman giggles again.
Grabbing one of the forms needed to fill out to file the drugs into the evidence system, Kat tries to ignore the conversation between Charles and Rosa. It's awkward, to say the least. Especially with Gina here.
Diaz looks up from sticking labels. "So, what're you doing tonight?" she asks.
"Nothing," he replies quickly. He timidly continues, "What about you... are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing."
Kat sighs. If only she could write faster. Out the corner of her eye she spots her sister holding up a violet business card; the one from earlier. "Carlene," Gina whispers emphatically to Boyle.
Shaking his head, but ultimately agreeing with the conversation he had with the siblings earlier, Charles clears his throat. "Whelp, I hope you find something to do!" He laughs awkwardly when Rosa looks at him strangely. "I'm gonna pee. That's what I'm doing tonight! Nope..." He walks out the room, and Gina gives her sister another pointed look before following suit.
The remaining detectives work in silence for the next five minutes. It proves to be far more efficient than gossiping at the same time. But it's not that either of them wants to get out as soon as possible, there's just almost... a comfort they find in the silence. There's no need to talk.
Rosa eventually breaks it. She clears her throat and scans another label. "So," she says. "What about you?"
Kat hums as she looks up from the paperwork. "Sorry?"
"I mean, what are you doing tonight?"
A small smile graces her face. "Uh, well, I gotta pick up my dog from the vet, so probably just staying at home."
Rosa purses her lips together and the scanner beeps. "Oh..." She looks up to her colleague again. "Is your dog okay?"
"I think so," Katherine answers. "He ate some pizza..." Rosa raises her eyebrows at her. "It was an accident," she quickly defends herself.
"Well, uh, if you ever need help..." She avoids eye contact. "I'm happy to—I don't really know what dogs need... walk him if you're ever away or something?"
"That'd be nice." Kat glances down to the form and tries to hide her growing smile. "Thanks."
"Don't sweat it."
They finish the rest of the evidence logs in silence.
⋆。 ゚✩。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎ ゚。 ⋆
Back in the briefing room, Jake explains his current dilemma over his recent arrest. Captain Holt thinks the suspect should be processed, however, Jake thinks they should let him walk. Oh, and the perp so happens to be the Deputy Police Commissioner's son.
"So here are my options," Jake begins. "One, I process Podolski's kid, he fires me, and I spend the rest of my career as a detective, third grade, which is literally pathetic. No offence, Hitchcock."
The man at the back of the room shrugs. "None taken," he admits.
"Option two, I let him walk, and I spend the rest of my life with Holt as my babysitter. Honestly, when I think about spending the rest of my life with a babysitter, she's kind of a cute blonde named Erica, and she always has pizza money and lets me stay up as late as I want."
Amy looks severely unimpressed. "How old are you in this scenario?" she asks flatly.
Kat clicks her tongue. "Technically, nine." She raises a brow at Jake. "Are you seriously still hung up on her? She quit after a week of looking after you."
He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, 'cause she wasn't good enough to handle me."
She tilts her head to the side. "No, she quit because you put hair-removal cream in her moisturiser," she corrects. Rosa barks a laugh.
"In my defence, nine-year-old me had some incredible pranks." Jake waits until Kat shrugs in agreement. "Anywhoodles. The point is, Holt cares more about whether I..." He makes quotation marks in the air and lowers his voice to mimic their captain's. "'Do my job right,' than whether I have a job at all. So, I'm taking suggestions."
"I say piss off Holt," Amy answers with a pleased tone. "So, then we get to watch your career end right in front of us."
"Okay, thank you for that, Santiago." He turns to the whiteboard behind him and places a mark into the DONT ARREST column within the table. "I'm gonna put you down for 'don't arrest.' I'm also gonna put your phone number on every urinal in Rikers." Kat stifles her laughter.
"Don't arrest him," Rosa voices. "Just smack him. Hard. With a phone book on a body part no one can see, you know what I'm saying?" Katherine seated beside her turns to look at her in disbelief.
Jake raises his eyebrows. "So, you're suggesting police brutality?"
"Ha, ha, I guess so, yeah." Her smile drops. "Why?"
"Hey, Scully," Jake calls out, spotting the detective walking past the open door.
"Yeah?"
"You want this collar?" He spreads his arms, trying to entice the man in as best as he can. "Paperwork's all done and it's perfect!"
"The Podolski kid?" Peralta nods. "Are you kidding? I just gave him my lunch," Scully confesses.
"Okay... Boyle, what do you think?"
Charles shakes his head to himself. "I don't know, man," he says defeatedly. "I'm lost... The universe is a cruel and vexing puzzle."
"Amen," Kat confirms with a sigh.
"I'm at the whim of the cosmos."
"All right, I'm gonna put you down for bummer," Jake replies, creating a new column in the table with the aforementioned title. "And you can hang out in that category all by yourself. Kitty Kat, please help me out here. You've gotta be my saving grace."
She gives him a small smile. "I mean, just do whatever you think is right. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what Holt thinks." Amy gasps. "Just trust your gut. 'Cause your—"
"—gut is always right," he finishes. He smiles. "Thanks."
"Hey, everyone," Gina interrupts. She leans on the doorframe, and those inside turn to her. "Hey, Jake, there is a very sexy, angry official here, Deputy Commissioner Podolski." He throws his head back with a groan. "He's asking for you, very angry. Elderly, sexy, furious."
"Well, my career is over," Jake concludes grimly. "See you at the bottom, Hitchcock," he says whilst walking past the man. "No offence."
"No, none taken."
Spinning around in her chair, Kat calls out, "Good luck!" Without turning back, Jake holds up his hand and gives her a thumbs up.
Rosa waits until he's gone before she asks, "So, do we have any proof of the hairless babysitter?"
Kat cracks a wide smile. "Oh, it's gotta be on a tape in a box somewhere at my mom's place... I'll bring it in next week."
Santiago leans back in her chair and lets out a large sigh. "Suddenly my year just got a whole lot better," she declares happily.
After getting permission from Holt to leave early to care for her beloved animal, Kat avoids all and every form of work during the last hour of her shift. She likes to think she's mastered the art of procrastination over the years. Currently, that procrastination included pretending to type out documents on her computer (she was pressing random keys) whilst listening to Jake and the Deputy Commissioner's conversation beside her.
Sometimes she hates sharing a desk with her two best friends; the rivalry and endless bickering pisses her off to no extent. But other times... Other times, she's glad she can be there when something like this goes down.
"Trevor, what'd you do this time?"
Trevor Podolski dons an innocent expression and stands up from his chair to greet his father. "Nothing," he protests.
Kat raises her eyebrows, but keeps her eyes glued to her screen. This is going to be interesting.
"There you have it," Podolski tells Jake. "He said he did nothing."
Peralta locks eyes with his best friend over the father and son's backs. "So I caught him red-handed doing nothing?" he counters back with a smile.
"I'm saying it's a possibility you made a mistake."
Kat looks up from her computer. Her eye twitches. It's men like these that remind her of why she hates majority of the species.
Jake takes a deep breath and tries to keep things light. "You know, normally I would agree with you, but I've been pretty detail-oriented the last few hours."
"You might not understand this, but Trevor is a special kid." The boy bashfully looks down to the ground. "He makes straight As. He's going to Duke next year. Lacrosse scholarship."
"Oh."
"Sometimes, boys just need to be boys."
Katherine's jaw clenches. She didn't think that coming to work today would end with her wanting to punch the Deputy Police Commissioner of the NYPD. And she wants to do it badly.
Jake remembers her words from earlier and continues to counter the man with solid arguments. "You do realise he did thousands of property damage, though? To police vehicles?"
Podolski's not having any of it. "Look, I think we can all agree that I'm ordering you to let this slide." Jake's eyebrows raise. "Because nothing happened." Kat and Terry lock eyes across the room, both wide in disbelief. "This is officially out of your hands."
Jake raises a hand to stop him from walking away. "Would you actually mind just checking out my report?" He grabs the file and smiles. "It's pretty thorough and I spent over an hour on fonts. Kinda snazzy, so..."
"Oh, thank you. I'll get right to it."
"Thanks."
"Trevor, let's go."
"Have a good one!"
As the father and son walk past Terry's desk, Podolski drops Jake's report into the trashcan. Kat's jaw finally drops. Terry's hand freezes in the air, his spoonful of yoghurt halfway to his mouth. Jake grits his teeth together.
"Oh, my God, I don't think I've ever wanted to commit a crime more than right now," Katherine admits. "That was..."
"Aggravating? Frustrating? Annoying?" Jake suggests impatiently.
She nods. "All of the above."
With a huff, Peralta strides forward and fishes the report out of the trashcan. He grimaces at the yoghurt decorating the back and front. "Great..."
"What're you gonna do?"
"I'm gonna make some phone calls to some precincts and get some dirt on this little shit."
She grins. "That's the best idea you've had all day," she tells him.
"All my ideas are the best!"
"So many things are wrong with that sentence."
⋆。 ゚✩。 ⋆。 ゚☀︎ ゚。 ⋆
Upon getting home with Bear safe and sound, happily eating away at his dinner, Kat had received word that Jake had made the call to go through with the arrest on Trevor Podolski. He had listened to his gut after all. Even if there might be consequences to the decision in the future, it was the right call. A tough call, but the right one. She was proud of him.
The following day, she's a little confused as to why he's not at the morning briefing on time. She'd been assuming that he would enter the room with a smugness because he had arrested the Deputy Police Commissioner's son. Apparently, she had assumed wrong.
So, she stands listening to Charles and Gina gossip. The current topic of conversation is, of course, Carlene. To Kat's amusement, Boyle is once again telling her sister that the psychic was wrong. "Rosa said it herself, I'm in charge of my own destiny," he says. "That means she wants me to make a move."
The siblings share a look. "Mm, but Carlene was also right," Gina retorts. "You did get hurt 'cause Rosa punched you, and the fact that Rosa punched you means she does not like you."
"Yeah, this isn't kindergarten where the boys tug on girls' hair 'cause they secretly like them," Kat explains. Gina points to her in agreement.
Charles shakes his head. He's adamant that Rosa has some sort of romantic feelings for him. "No, no, she punched me to prove Carlene wrong."
"Move!" Diaz barks impatiently.
Charles immediately moves his body back to let her walk into the room. "Oh, wait, I take it back," Gina quickly says. "She definitely is into you."
"Pfft, yeah, there's so much chemistry," Kat deadpans. Both women are surprised he can't detect the sarcasm seeping off their words. "An explosion of chemistry."
Charles nods. "I know, it's crazy!"
"All right, let's get this meeting started," Captain Holt announces.
Kat slips into her seat beside Amy. She's still surprised Jake hasn't shown up. "Hey, have you seen Pera—"
"I'm not late," a voice calls out, immediately followed by a yawn. The entire room looks over to the army-green tent housed in the corner. "I'm here!" The tent unzips and Jake pokes his head out, watch beeping with an alarm. Dressed in light blue, striped pyjamas, he stumbles out and stops by Holt at the podium.
Kat bites onto her lip to contain her wide grin. "Morning, sunshine," she calls out.
He blindly waves a hand in her direction. "Right on time," Jake observes as he looks down to his watch. He sleepily smiles at their captain.
Holt looks him up and down. "You're out of uniform, Peralta," he points out, exasperated.
"Baby steps, Captain." Jake pats his shoulder. Holt's mouth falls open. "Baby steps."

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