There's blood still being coughed up as Tom's hands shake. He runs out of the bathroom and to the bedroom, ripping his phone from his charger. He dials 9-1-1 as fast his fingers would allow him as he moved back into the bathroom with you. His voice shook and raised with every passing second, the urgency evident in how fast he was speaking to the operator.

He knew something could happen. You had told him that sometimes things just...happen. Tom is well aware that if you do not get a heart, you die. That's how it is but, just like you said about Alex, it's not real until it happens. It's as if he's been living in some fairytale the past few months, cautious of what could happen but not rightfully preparing himself as he tried to stay optimistic as best as he could. Tom always expects the worst but he really didn't expect this.

Tom kept the phone on speaker as you waited for an ambulance. He relayed everything that was going on but he went dead silent when the wheezing started. You coughed up more blood and tugged at the top of the hoodie as if you felt it was choking you. Your breathing became more labored as seconds passed and it felt like minutes. Tom helped you out of the hoodie but it didn't feel like it was him. It was like he was watching from above, not fully there. You can't breathe and there's blood. Tom can't but think you're really dying on him.

The paramedics came after only a few minutes and Tom let them in, leading them to the bathroom. By then, you were still barely breathing, hardly to form full sentences.

"Uh," Tom stutters, taking over. "She has dilated cardiomyopathy and is on the transplant list for a new heart." His voice is bland, emotionless as he just watches them connect you to different wires and put a mask on you. "I-I don't...I don't' what happened."

"Do you know who her doctor is?" One of the paramedics asks.

"Um..." Tom tries to remember. You ran your medical history by him a few weeks before, making sure he knew just in case something like this happened. You might be hopeful, but you're not stupid. You have to be prepared for the worst. "Choi, Doctor Choi at Hodgkins." Tom gets out.

The paramedic nods as they move you onto the stretcher. "You can ride with us." She says as they move out of the bathroom.

Tom follows them, only glancing into the bloodied bathroom. What's he supposed to do? He's going to go with them but then what? He's going to be stuck at the hospital. He's not family. All Tom is is your boyfriend. And that's just it. He's your boyfriend and part of that responsibility is calling your dad. What the hell is he supposed to tell your dad?

They get into the ambulance and Tom is able to hold your hand. You're still conscious, the mask helping you breathe and helping to keep you conscious. Your grip is loose on his, something he can't stand. You might have small hands compared to Tom but whenever you'd have your grip on him whether it be his hand or around his waist, it was always tight as if you were the only one afraid of him disappearing. But, now Tom's hand is gripping yours harder than ever as if the harder he holds your hand, the longer you'll stay. You won't just be able to slip and fall. You'll be able to hang on, hang onto him.

You suck in as big a breath as you can. "H-harrison." Tom's brows furrow as he shakes his head. "Call......him." You gasp between words.

"Why should I–" Tom freezes, the look of hopelessness in your eyes. Tom's knows. "No," He shakes his head. "You're gonna be fine so I don't need to, can wait." He swallows hard, a few tears escaping from his eyes. "I'll ring your dad, ya?"

You nod softly, your eyes fluttering closed. "Haz."

"Y/n, can you hear us?" The paramedic asks, checking the stats, the numbers changing to something Tom doesn't understand but can assume it's not good. You nod once. "You have to keep your eyes open, can you do that for me?"

Your eyes open landing on the paramedic but flicker back to Tom. You start coughing again, blood coming up as you move the mask. The paramedic is quick to grab one of the medical waste bag used for vomiting. Tom's panic picks right back up.

"What's happening?" Tom asks, his eyes boring into the paramedic.

"I'm not sure." She admits.

"Tommy." You cry out, the coughing slowly subsiding and tears starting to slide down your face, panic finally settling into your bones. You don't want to die but you're terrified that's what's finally happening.

Tom chokes down the lump in his throat and tries to keep himself together with the use of the nickname. He likes when you use it but not like this. It's a cry for help and etched in fear. Tom's supposed to be the scared one, scared of losing people and trusting but now it's you. And Tom needs to find some way to put on a brave face and just let you be the one scared. You don't want to die and you're completely and utterly terrified that once you enter that hospital, you're not going to leave.

Tom pulls his phone out from his hoodie and pulls up Harrison's contact and sends him a quick text to tell him to get to the hospital. "Okay, I told 'im." Tom's voice cracks as he squeezes your hand.

You nod once, your eyes starting to close again. Your voice is heavy but barely audible as you whisper, "I......love....you."

The monitors you're attached to start beeping rapidly and making different sounds, all at different frequencies. More panic streams through Tom's face as your hand falls limp in his. The paramedic is moving over you, asking Tom to sit back. And that's when the CPR starts.

Flashbacks seem to come back in waves. He can see Elena sprawled out on the hood of his car, eyes plastered on him. There's no helping her and there's blood everywhere. And Tom swears he's losing his mind when he looks at his hands now and there's blood because this can't be happening again and he's still holding the hoodie you had on. And there's blood. But you aren't breathing and it's your blood.

Luckily though, they reached the hospital and doctors and nurses were ready to take care of you, including Doctor Choi. Tom followed, quickly behind them as long as they would let him but as soon as they were going to enter the elevator to rush you to the cardiac unit where Doctor Choi was already instructing, a nurse stopped Tom.

"I'm so sorry but you can't go right now."

"I-I just...." Tom trails off, watching the elevator.

"I know." The nurse nods and puts a hand on Tom's back to lead him to the waiting room. "They're going to do what they can and someone will update you when they know anything. Is there anyone you want me to call?" The woman's voice is motherly as she walks with Tom, words smooth and gentle.

"No." Tom shakes his head. "I can do it." There's a quiver in his words, making the nurse shake her head.

"I can for you. You don't have to." She reassures.

"It's okay." Tom mumbles.

He couldn't call Elena's dad and tell him. Tom was being worked on himself. It's part of what beat him up so bad. Tom always felt he owed it to her dad, to her parents, to tell them what happened. They shouldn't have had to hear the news from total strangers. Tom should have told them. At least, he thinks he should have but it wasn't his fault. But, now he's not injured and it's his responsibility to wake up your dad after midnight and tell him you're in the hospital and he has no idea why.

The nurse looks down and notices the dark blue hoodie still in his hands. "Do you want me to take that for you?" The nurse asks, her voice laced in concern.

Tom looks down and his grip tightens, him hardly even realizing he's been holding it as if it were some type of safety blanket. The thought made him scoff, the irony of t all. "It's fine, um, it's hers." Tom says, brows drawn together as he shakes his head.

The nurse gives him a sympathetic look as she nods her head. "You just let me know if you need something, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Tom nods, his head almost lost in a fog, just moving through the motions. "I, uh, I'm gonna call her dad."

She nods again and allows Tom to step back outside of the ER doors. His shaky thumb hovers over your dad's contact, debating on how he's supposed to do this. It's his responsibility. He has to do this but how? He's terrified that if he starts talking, explaining what happened, he's going to completely break again. This is what he's feared. You're his glue and now he's falling apart.

"Uh, Mr. y/l/n?" Tom says into the phone.

"Yes?" His voice is deeper than usual.

"It's Tom," He pauses for a second. "Y/n is in the hospital."

The phone is dead silent for a few seconds. "Where?"

"Hodgkins." Tom says quietly.

"On my way." Your dad says without asking any questions.

Tom takes in a breath, closing his eyes and leaning against the brick wall of the hospital. He lifts his head up and pulls the hoodie into view. Your blood covers the orange, stenciled letters and his first thought is that he'll need to get blood out of it. It's like Tom is falling into a well filled with people's hopes and dreams, his and your hopes and dreams and he's just clinging to a rope of a hope that he won't be just wasted away. You won't just be wasted away. That everything is going to be okay despite how it might look.

"Tom?" There's a rush in his name, almost breathless. He looks up and sees Harrison, blonde curls a dishelved, damp mess.

"Harrison." Tom's voice cracks as he pushes off the wall.

"You alright, mate?" Harrison asks, his breathing coming back to normal.

What Tom didn't know was that Harrison was mid-shower when he got the text There was something that told him to just check and when he did, he shot out of the bathroom. He got dressed, still dripping wet and rushed out of his apartment. He parked in the hospital's parking garage and ran to the ER entrance. It doesn't matter that it's midnight or that Harrison was busy. He saw that text and knew Tom needed him.

Tom stares at him for a few seconds before walking up to his best friend. "I don't know." Tom shakes his head and Harrison can feel his stomach turning for his friend. He's only seen that look on Tom's face one other time and he hoped to anyone in the world that he'd never see it again.

"What happened?" Harrison asks.

Tom shakes his head. "She just started coughing up blood." Tom's voice goes weak and cracks in agony. "She's gonna die." Tom tries to regain his voice but it just comes out as a whined cry, completely drenched in heartache and devastation.

Tears cascade down Tom's face and Harrison moves to hug him just as Tom nearly collapses in his arms. Tom sobs against his best friend, completely breaking and clinging to him to hold him up. Harrison uses his strength to keep Tom on his feet.

There's this tiny part of Harrison that's almost regretting ever showing up at your house. Had he not told you to just talk to Tom, maybe none of you would be here. Maybe Tom wouldn't know and maybe it wouldn't be bad. Maybe Tom wouldn't be nearly wailing and losing every hope he's regained. Or maybe the end result would still be the same. Harrison doesn't know but there's a part of him that wonders and regrets it.

"It's alright, mate." Harrison says. "She's gonna be alright." Harrison tries to reassure. "Let's go inside, ya?" Harrison pats Tom's back and pulls away, making sure Tom can actually stand on his own.

Tom looks to his best friend with bloodshot eyes, wiping the tears from his cheeks. "Yeah, yeah okay." Tom nods, turning to go back into the ER entrance.

"You ring her dad?" Harrison asks.

"Said he was on his way." Tom mumbles.

"Alright, well, did she say anything?" Harrison questions, the two taking seats in the empty waiting room. "Tom, what happened?" Harrison sighs.

"Dunno." Tom hangs his head, both hands gripping the hoodie you were wearing. "She just woke up, said she was goin' to the bathroom. I checked on her and she was coughing up blood."

Harrison nods and rests a hand on Tom's shoulder. "Well, she'll be okay." Harrison says, trying to keep his hopes up.

"Yeah?" Tom turns to face him, venom lacing the word. "How the fuck do you know?"

Harrison shakes his head, removing his hand. "I don't." Harrison admits. "But I hope she will be."

"Needs a heart." Tom mumbles, looking away.

"And maybe she'll get one."

"Needs a fuckin' miracle for that." Tom scoffs.

"Then, for fuck's sake, hope for one." Harrison says, eyes wide and dark.

"Yeah." Tom mutters.

"Y/n y/l/n, she was brought in by an ambulance with her boyfriend. Where is she?" Tom hears your dad's voice and his head whips around to the nurse's station. "I'm her father." He's not rude or demanding, just concerned.

"I'm paging her doctor now, sir." The nurse that was talking to Tom told him.

Tom stands up, trying to take in a breath and he walks up to him. "Mr. y/l/n." Tom tries to keep his voice steady.

"What happened?" Your dad questions, not daring to move away from the nurse's station.

"I don't know." Tom shrugs, his voice weak like a timid child. "I'm sorry."

"I-" Your dad goes to talk but another nurse in dark blue scrubs starts walking up to them.

"Y/n y/l/n's family?" He asks.

"I'm her dad," Your dad says before jerking his head towards Tom. "Boyfriend." He nods, glancing to Tom and back to your dad. "He's fine."

"Okay, Doctor Choi had to take her for surgery." Tom's heart stops at the words. "One of the valves in her heart ruptured." Tom could feel the bile rising in his stomach, the nurse's voice becoming like an annoying echo. "He's going to try and repair it but I'll come out and update when I can."

"Is she...is she going to be okay?" Tom asks.

The nurse looks to your dad and back to Tom. "We're doing what we can and Doctor Choi is one of the best. She got here quick."

Tom nods, not asking anymore question knowing he wouldn't be getting an answer he desperately needed and wanted. The truth was, that nurse knows the odds of survival when a valve ruptures. It's not good. There's a very small window to start operating and get the bleeding to stop but, this nurse also knows your case. He knows about the cardiomyopathy and your pacemaker you've only had a few months. This nurse knows the odds of everything and what happens even if the valve can be repaired but it's not for him to sit down and discuss the what-ifs with Tom. Not now.

"Thank you." Your dad says. "Come on, we can wait." Your dad looks to Tom who just nods before going back to the waiting room and sitting beside Harrison.

"Y/n's dad." Your dad greets Harrison, his calm tone catching Harrison off guard.

"Harrison." Harrison shakes his hand. "You want me to put the hoodie in my car?" Harrison asks, glancing to Tom's hands and to Tom's face.

Tom follows Harrison gaze before shaking his head. "Can do it." Tom says, deciding he doesn't need to hold onto it, a reminder of you and the scene he witnessed.

"Just lock it on your way back, parked around the corner on the second floor." Harrison hands his keys over.

"Thanks." Tom says, his voice deflated.

Your dad waits until Tom is completely away from them. "Do you know what happened?"

"Tom said she woke up to go to the bathroom and he went to check on and she was coughing up blood." Harrison explains.

"Yeah, a valve ruptured."

"How bad is that?" Harrison asks.

Your dad shakes his head. "Bad. It happened before and..." Your dad trails off with a lump cutting off his words. "She almost didn't make it."

Harrison nods. "I don't think Tom knows." Harrison whispers. "Is it alright if you don't tell him much, yet? He'll freak out and this is him on verge of losing his bloody mind."

Your dad nods with understanding. "Yeah, need to know. You here for him?"

Harrison shrugs. "Both."

Your dad nods once more. "Right, she'd like that." He says and there's like a realization of the situation taking over. "I gotta call her mom. If someone comes out-"

"I'll get you." Harrison reassures.

"Thank you." He says standing up and exiting the building.

Tom is in the parking garage, letting go of the hoodie and it almost kills him because there's that tiny bit of hope that maybe you will be fine. Maybe you'll come out of surgery and you're going to be okay. Tom now knows you better than anyone and he knows you'd want it. You'd want the hoodie because even though it's been yours for months, you'll say it still smells like him. But, there's your blood staining the blue and orange and it's sucking the hope out of Tom's bones.

He leans against Harrison's car, eyes closed and head up the ceiling. He can't do this again and he loves you. He didn't say it back. An entirely new wave of panic and agony paralyzes him. What if you don't make it out? He never told you. He didn't say it back. Tom told you he loved you before he'd fallen asleep but you were already asleep. He hasn't said it since and what if you don't make it out. He never said it back.

Tom pushes away from the car and goes back to the waiting room. The second he sees Harrison, he just blurts out, "I never said it back."

"What?" Harrison asks, standing up to try and calm the panic on Tom's face. "Didn't say what?"

"I didn't tell her I loved her. She said it and-and I didn't say it back. I just froze I dunno. What if she dies and I don't get to tell her again? She can't die, Haz." Tom chokes out, rambling the entire time, trying to keep the tears from spilling.

"Dude, breathe." Harrison nods, hands on Tom's shoulders.

"I can't." Tom cries out, his chest feeling like it's constricting with his throat.

His head grows dizzy and nausea takes over. His knees go weak with his arms and everything is too loud and too much. His heart is beating a thousand miles an hour as he tries to gain his breath. He can technically breathe fine but there still doesn't feel like there's enough air getting to his lung. Tom's face completely drains of color, eyes drenched in a sheet of panic.

"Can I get some help, please?" Harrison calls out and the nurse who was talking to Tom came over. "I think he's having a panic attack."

"Okay, here, hun. Sit down." The nurse takes Harrison place. "Head between your knees and just breathe." She coos, rubbing Tom's back as he listens to her. "Does he get them often?"

Harrison shakes his head. "Just a few times but not for a long time, not like this." Harrison explains.

"You're alright." The nurse says as Tom starts just barely getting control of his breathing. "I'm going to get you some water. I will be right back." Tom nods and Harrison takes her place.

Harrison's heart is settled in his stomach. He's completely terrified of what you might be going through, what could happen to you. But, he's mostly concerned for Tom right now. Tom's his best friend and Harrison can't control any of this. Tom has to go through the motions of waiting. No news is good news but no news doesn't help either. Tom just has to wait and wait and wait and Harrison knows that's likely lethal at this point.

"Here you go." The nurse brings him a small cup with cooled water.

Tom takes it and sits up, taking a few sips.

"You alright now, mate?" Harrison asks.

Tom nods. "Think so."

"Hey, you just need to breathe, okay? I know you're worried about your girlfriend but she really is in the best hands." The nurse reassures, holding a delicate smile. Tom nods once more as his hands shake. "I'll be over there if you need anything else."

"Thank you." Harrison thanks her. "Here." Harrison takes the cup from Tom. "Gonna drop it."

"She can't die." Tom whines.

"I know." Harrison says as your dad comes back to the waiting room, his eyes now bloodshot.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's okay." Harrison answers.

"Y/n's mom is getting on the first flight." Your dad says mostly to Tom.

"Okay." Tom says, gesturing his hand for the small, paper cup.

Harrison hands it back before moving to the seat next to Tom. Your dad is directly sat opposite Tom and that's how the three of them stay. Every so often, your dad gets up to update your mom which isn't much. The typical, no new is good news. Tom and Harrison pace a bit to stretch their legs, Tom to also try to keep his panic level down and his hopes up. He can't stand sitting still. Not now. Not when he knows nothing. And it's been hours. Two full hours of just waiting and hoping that you're going to be okay.

But, it's only a half hour later when a new doctor comes out, one Tom is guessing is Doctor Choi. Tom and your dad stand but Tom sits back down, realizing it's no longer his place to hear anything. But, your dad allows the doctor to stay and let Tom hear the news first hand instead of needing to relay it back to him.

"I was able to repair the valve." Doctor Choi says and all Tom can feel is relief with a sense of lingering dread. "But," He takes in a breath, looking to the group of three. "Mr. y/l/n, I'm sorry she needs a new heart. We've put her on a ventilator."

"1a." Tom whispers, gaining the attention of your dad, Harrison, and Doctor Choi. "She told me 1a isn't good. It's the ventilator, miracle list. That's what you're saying, right?"

Doctor Choi nods. "Yes, we've already contacted UNOS and are looking for a heart. She's at the top of the list, now."

"How long does she have?" Your dad asks.

Doctor Choi looks to the floor, and back to him. "A day, maybe a little more. The pacemaker is no longer helping. There's just been too much damage, I'm afraid."

Your dad nods and Tom's brows furrow, stinging taking over his vision with a blurriness.

"I can take you to see her but we won't be able to remove her from the vent unless a heart comes in. I am so sorry."

Your dad runs a hand over his face. "I want to see her."

"I'll take you." Doctor Choi says, looking to the boys.

"They're fine." Your dad reassures.

Doctor Choi nods and starts escorting them to the third floor of the building to the cardiac unit. It seemed like an eternity until they reached the floor and another one until they reached your room. When Tom saw you, his heart broke into a thousand pieces. There's a large tube sticking out from your mouth and wires attached to a bunch of different monitors, all making different, rhythmic noises. Your chest is moving with the beeps, steady and calm but it's only because of a machine. A machine is keeping you alive.

"I'll be back to check on her later. She can hear you so, feel free to talk to her." Doctor Choi says, leaving them alone.

The room remains silent with the three of them. Tom and your dad take seats on either side of you, Harrison on the other side of Tom. Tom holds your hand as tight as he can and he just wants that stupid bullshit miracle he doesn't believe in to come through.

How could this happen to you? It's not supposed to be like this. It's never supposed to be like this but it is and there's no coping, just fear and agony. You can't tell him it's okay. You can't tell him that he can cry if he wants or yell and scream. You can't say anything and Tom hates everything.

"I'm gonna update her mom." Your dad says, excusing himself from the boys.

"Hey, do you want me to give you a minute?" Harrison asks.

"Yeah," Tom says, glancing to him.

"I'll be right back then, gotta make a call anyway." Harrison says, getting up and leaving Tom alone with you.

Tom takes in a shaking breath as tears trickle down his face. He pulls your hand to his lips and presses a kiss to your cold skin, already missing your warmth.

"You can't do this. I don't fuckin' care what they say, you can pull through. You can't die on me." Tom whispers, voice begging and pleading. "Please, don't die." Tom tries to swallow the lump in his throat but all that escapes from his lips is a cry and a cough. "Please, don't die." Tom repeats. "I love you and I need you. I need you so you can't die." Tom's words are slurred as his cries take over. "Don't die." Tom presses your hand to his forehead, sobbing uncontrollably. "I-I can't....lose you."