If there is one thing left to do before I die, what would that be?

Those thoughts ran through my head as I walked to school, munching on Mr. Comb's barbecue. I was finally in the mood for a no-breakfast morning but I happened by Mr. Comb's grill and I didn't stop myself on time to ask for a plate of steak.

So now, I have to finish this plate before I get to Campus.

Still, the question rang in my ears as I recalled where I got it this morning. It was from a box which I unearthed from the family knickknack room the other day.

It's supposed to be a family thing. We used to deposit things we no longer use or need into that empty room. Every once in a while, we were supposed to come back to it and sift through the things to find something we could still use.

I don't remember who thought of that idea but I liked it. I have thrown a bunch of stuff into that room—ones I remember and ones I don't. Sometimes, when I'm bored at home and don't want to go to school, I sift through the items in the room.

It's amazing how the things I once took for granted and threw away would contain so many memories when I found them again. It just proves that human hearts tend to see a thing's value right after they stay blind to it. You regret things not because you had them but because you lost them, somehow.

Like recently, I found this really cute white stuffed bear I never knew I had. I was immediately drawn to it so I started taking it to bed every evening. For some reason, the bear always disappears by morning. It had become a part of my morning routine to retrieve that bear from the room before taking a bath.

That's where the box of questions comes in.

A few days ago, I found Mom's box of internal questions to ask oneself. It's supposed to be for a party or whatever but she stashed it in that room like it wasn't needed anymore. Did something happen that she needed to forget about for a while?

The questions were thrown around the box hazily, perhaps to randomize the choices. I decided to try it and drew a card that says, If there is one thing left to do before you die, what would that be?

That got me thinking. I already did everything the human mind was capable of thinking. I've tried everything. I saw everything. What else was there to do? Well, there was one, which was to get out of this loop, but I was slowly figuring that out.

To be frank, I still don't know how to do it. I have the motivation, I have the person. I just don't know how in the world I was going to use them to my advantage. I know it's kind of evil to use people, but in this world, in this reality, I just have to.

I was not a good person and I don't try to be. I don't have that self-consciousness to always watch my step and be a perfect example of how a human life should be. I was just living. Whether I was hurting anyone or not was beyond my reasoning.

But was it really living or just existing?

I finished Mr. Comb's steak and fished out a wad of tissue paper from my back pocket. I wiped my fingers with it and dumped the soiled tissue paper into the nearest trash bin by the street, along with the paper plate the steak came with. I locked eyes with one of the mechanics in the carshop and I smiled slightly. It's the nicer guy, so that's good. I could smile.

The street opened up to the intersection, the ranch at my left and the Supermarket at my right. The bus stop was up ahead.

I cast a wary look at the Supermarket, where the noise of pushcart wheels ringing in the parking lot as they were ushered inside the building by the employees. I wrinkled my nose, refraining from going in there to buy food. I just had steak. And boy, that steak tasted good.

Should I crash at Mr. Comb's house for free dinner?

I laughed to myself as I walked, grateful that a few seconds of thinking about food distracted me from the more pressing question at the back of my head.

What was I supposed to do with Rom?

A hundred days ago, he called my name even when I hadn't told him that. But now, it's like our paths weren't even crossing without me making an obvious deviation from the usual progression of events. And I'll admit that I was getting tired.

There were some days when I'm waiting for him to bump into me in that hallway again but it hadn't happened. Nothing extraordinary did. He couldn't remember me. He didn't even greet me whenever I see (read: look for) him when I change classrooms.

It's like he didn't even know me.

It sucks. So bad I spent nights crying myself to sleep or just cursing the loop for happening. Was there nothing I could do? Was there no way out of this? Should I just lose hope?

I know none of those was the answer. There would always be hope as long as the loop renews the day. And I should be taking advantage of that. I should be trying every way possible to get Rom to remember at least my name every day.

So, perhaps the one thing I have to do before I die is to make Rom remember. To make him remember, I need to somehow make him real. To make him real, I need to make him feel. And to make him feel, I need to give him a reason to do so.

To give him a reason to feel, I need to be the one who finds a reason first.

So, all in a day's work, right?

Wrong.

Perhaps, it's the fear talking when sometimes I think about the what-ifs. What if I spent all this time, all this energy, to find out that I've been chasing the wrong thing since the beginning? What if at the end of this long, dark tunnel, there was no light? What if I'm not even going on the right tunnel?

Then what? I'll live inside this loop day after miserable day. I'll probably go crazy and die a miserable death. Everyone will forget me as if I haven't lived a life at all.

I couldn't let that happen.

The reason I was going to school now was to get him away from there, no matter how he evades me. I've tried this method before, to get a real chance to talk to him, but he always has a reason to decline.

But right now, I've got no other choice.

I walked past the bus stop and blended with the students in the Campus. I peeled off the pavement-walkers and tackled the gravelly path. I flung the fire exit doors. I followed the calculated path. I saw the flash of blue and red. I grabbed the arm that came along with it.

What was the one thing left to do before I die? Perhaps it's to give in to my desperation and say what I wanted to say. Perhaps it's to be honest and grab an opportunity before it flits away to nowhere. Perhaps it's to push past my fear and just go for it.

I brought my eyes up to Rom's and found myself staring right into his soul. It's not empty but it's not full either. Something was missing in them. Something that could be the purpose or worse, life.

How could I change that?

Rom yanked at his hand in my grip. I tightened it. I ground my heels harder against the ground. I kept my gaze level and my voice ready. I opened my mouth and made sure my eyes reflected all the roiling emotions inside me.

Rom stared, his eyebrows slowly rising up.

"Rom," I said, praying that my voice wouldn't fail me. "I need you."

"What is this about?" Rom asked, eyes trained on me as I shoveled ice cream into my mouth. I avoided his eyes ever since we sat down at the shop after we got our order from the counter. Unlike my time with Mindy, this time we're sitting on one of the red chairs pushed by the window. We're left alone with each other.

I tapped my fingers on the beige table, twirling my spoon with my fingers. "Well," I said. "I just never thought it would work."

Rom knitted his eyebrows. "What did you think wouldn't work?" he prodded.

"Inviting you out here during school hours," I said, flatly. "You refused to skip classes every time I asked you."

"Skipping classes is like cheating. It's unfair to everyone who showed up to class, including the teacher," Rom said. "Also, when have you asked me? I haven't even met you before. How do you know my name?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Then why are you out here?" I snapped. "Why are you having ice cream with a stranger and skipping classes?"

Rom frowned. "Because I thought this is something serious," he replied. "And not this...are you just looking for a companion to skip classes with? If so, I'm leaving. I have to pass a Physics assignment in the first period."

He started to stand when I rolled my eyes. "Please, you pass that everyday."

Rom paused. He whirled to me. "Sorry, what?" he said.

"Oh, admit it. You're curious," I said, shrugging. The ice cream shop had never been more quiet. "You're probably wondering how I'm so calm even when I'm missing classes or why I know so much about you when you never even met me. You must be halfway mad, right?"

Rom sank back into his seat. He leaned across the table and almost bumped noses with me. Naturally, I recoiled backwards, splashing melted ice cream on the table when my spoon slid outside the cup. What was he doing?

I didn't dare take a breath, my heart running marathons in my chest. With Rom's face so close to mine, I could see flecks of copper in his eyes and the splash of freckles across his nose. I found myself staring deep into his eyes, marveling at how the early morning sun turned it into a lovely hazel color. It's...

"I'm more curious about what you mean by 'everyday'," Rom said. Why...why was he whispering?

I felt my cheeks heat up. Did I eat too much ice cream? Was that why my gut feels funny right now? "Ah, everyday," I cleared my throat and convinced myself that passing cars visible from the shop's windows were interesting.

"Mm hm," Rom said, dropping his chin to his waiting hand, his elbow perched casually against the table. "What do you mean by that word?"

I swallowed, the ice cream turning sour behind my tongue. "What do you know about time?" I asked.

"It's how we tell the—"

"Passage of the day, yes," I finished for him.

"How do you know that?" Rom asked, his jaw hanging slightly open. "That's exactly how I would say it."

"Because you said that to me days ago," I said, slurping melted ice cream from my spoon. Ugh. I prefer it to be smoking cold. "And I would like to continue that discussion."

Rom scratched the end of his eyebrow, lines etching his forehead as he raised his eyebrows. "We talked before?" he said, incredulous. "Why didn't I know that?"

"Because you forget everything as soon as the day resets," I said.

Rom snorted. "That's ridiculous," he said. "There's just no way."

"Come with me," I said, letting my spoon clink against the cup as I dropped it. "It's time you understand the world we live in."