I still didn't know how I should tell Rom. Leaving him all of a sudden didn't seem like a civil option nor was cutting all ties without explaining things. I've let too many days pass by, the moments where I have had the opportunity to say it flitting past like mosquitoes. I could have crashed at Rom's place today. I could have done it way, way back.

Instead, like a lovesick fool, I stole moments with Rom, every night under the stars. I keep telling myself that I'm not giving Rom anything but, over the days, I've become an expert in believing the lies I tell myself.

Because every moment I spend with Rom, the more I wish to be with him. I want time to stop, for the reset to eff itself off. I hated mornings but looked forward to when Rom and I met at Campus only to ditch classes to explore the City.

I learned to love the City because of him. I found myself loving the world I so long hated because he's...there.

But every second we've been together, there was this nagging feeling at the back of my head saying all of that was fake, that they're all bound to disappear from memory. If I don't right this, Rom will forget me and be alone. I would have succeeded in passing this curse to him.

I spent the last few days not knowing how to explain to Rom. I knew that he would act up and say things like fighting destiny together and other cheesy stuff. I've known him long enough to conclude that he was the type to do that.

I holed up in my house for a day after finding the letter. I couldn't look Rom in the eye without thinking of the things I learned from Mom. I couldn't even let myself be around him for long periods of time for fear that I might disappear in front of him.

I know that he has noticed it. I have closed up, even when I'm with him. He was someone who won't let things go once he noticed something wrong. It's only a matter of time before he's the one who has to open me up by asking.

I don't want to be asked about this. Or about anything. I was not accountable to Rom and I never would be. He doesn't dictate my destiny. I do.

So why?

Why do I find it hard to take control of my fate? Why have I skirted around the only thing left to do and deluded myself into thinking that there was nothing more to it? Why was I even considering what Rom would feel?

Me taking note of Rom's emotion was the main weak link in this charade. I could have gone back to the old me—cold, boring, and unhappy. With the old me, I could come up to Rom, say a few words, and walk away freer than before. I could have fixed this problem in a few minutes.

I could have done a lot of things other than that but I'm always worried about how it would make Rom feel. I don't even know why I'm always thinking of him. I don't know why I'm thinking of people, in general.

I don't know why I've changed.

It's scary to think that all these changes happened when Rom started remembering. Memory and love. Life and change. I wonder how they're all connected.

I looked at myself in the mirror while I hung out in my room, despising the fact that my face was never as round as I wanted it. My chin jutted in a pointed slope, my forehead curving like a bow. I was like an egg with two eyes, a nose, and two ears.

Don't even get me started with my ears. Ugh.

Still, I fished a rubber band from my vanity and tied my hair up. I slapped my cheeks, repeating to myself You will tell him today, like a mantra.

I would tell him everything today.

I tackled the stairs just as the doorbell rang. Ugh. I told Rom to not ring the bell anymore. He could have just texted me, knocked, and I'll know it's him. I'm not expecting any other visitors which was a big relief. Just saying.

"Coming!" I yelled, tromping towards the ante.

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror and slapped my cheeks for the last time.

You will tell him today.

I plucked my bag from the coat hanger and the house keys from the hook beside the mirror. I opened the door and there he was.

He wore a black jacket over a white shirt, jeans, and his usual black slip on sneakers. The massive, black guitar case was slung on one shoulder. His hair was tousled like he just got out of the shower.

"Hey," he said. He had this goofy smile he's been having around me lately.

"Hey," I said. I tried smiling back at him but my jaw won't let me. Instead, I may have given him something halfway between a grimace and a nervous grin.

"You okay?" Rom asked as I pushed past him, tackling the cemented part of the lawn.

I looked back at him and gave him a thin smile, the most genuine I could offer at the moment. "I'm good," I said. "Why do you ask?"

"Because you're wearing The Hoodie," Rom replied, pursing his lips briefly. "You usually wear it when you're thinking about something or when you're really upset."

His cheeks reddened. "Not that I'm paying attention," he muttered, looking up at the sky. "Or anything."

A laugh escaped from my lips without my permission. "I don't have anything I'm thinking about right now," I lied, pushing the fence open. "I'm not upset either. I'm just more comfortable wearing hoodies."

"You seem to have only one kind," Rom noted. "Don't you have other clothes?"

I shook my head. "I don't. Is that still surprising?"

Rom shrugged, chuckling. "I mean, I don't mean to pry since I once wore a blue-and-red flannel everyday," he said. "What more can I say?"

I laughed with his humor, not even bothering to think about the fact that I find it easy to do so whenever Rom was with me. "Yeah, I shouldn't have told you," I said, waiting for him to go through the fence before closing it behind him.

"I would've noticed later on and hate you for it," Rom quipped. "But thanks for telling me."

"My pleasure," I said, mock-bowing. "The blue and red was kinda growing on me. If I'm going to see you everyday, I might as well see a difference. Right?"

Rom laughed. "Yeah," he said. "A little difference wouldn't be so bad."

I didn't reply, not because I don't have anything to say but because I don't want to say anything more. Instead, I began walking down the road, heading for the Creamery.

Yes, even the smallest difference could be so bad.

If that small difference in my calculated path didn't happen, it wouldn't have set me into this whole endeavor of finding Rom and making him remember. If a small difference in Rom's memory didn't show, I wouldn't have found myself in this mess right now. If the small difference that occurred a thousand mornings ago didn't happen, this current me wouldn't exist. This present and reality wouldn't have flourished.

Still, I wouldn't have experienced being happy for once if it wasn't for that small difference.

I chuckled to myself. Rom bumped me on the shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay?" he said. "You're laughing to yourself. Come on, let me in on the joke."

I glared at him. "I'm fine, Rom," I said, my lips curving into that crooked smile I do. "Let me be."

Rom crossed his arms as he walked beside me. "Is there something you want to talk about?"

See? What did I tell you about not letting things go? He's as stubborn as Mrs. Higgins's dog.

"No," I lied again, shaking my head.

He inclined his head at me. "I could talk."

"I know," I said flatly. "Oh, and watch out for Junior."

Rom was confused. "What?"

I sidestepped as a blur of brown and white zipped past me, barking madly. Rom stepped away too late and the dog collided with Rom's leg, sending them both crashing to the ground with Rom's landing taking longer since he's taller.

Rom slammed into the ground, his guitar smacking him on the back of the head. I winced. Oh, that must have hurt. Seconds later, he groaned.

He's alive. Good.

Mrs. Higgins jogged towards us and stopped to catch her breath, bracing her knees. "I'm sorry, Jule. Can you help me chase Junior? My old knees are killing me."

You're only 30, goodness. I smiled uncertainly. "Rom and I kinda have somewhere to be and fast," I said, helping Rom up and shuffling him forward, away from Mrs. Higgins before he made sense of what was going on.

"What are you doing?" Rom asked as I pulled him away from the woman. "We should help her!"

"If you know where that dog will end up, you'll thank me," I hissed. We passed the Lawsons, the screaming voices bleeding out of the house.

You never told me you didn't like it, Mr. Lawson was saying. Oh, we were a full minute late. We missed Mrs. Lawson screaming that Mr. Lawson is a big fat di—

"Yes, but we should still help her," Rom insisted. "I mean, she asked nicely."

"Quit being righty-righty with me," I said, rolling my eyes.

I wouldn't have stuck with it if you told me you don't like making it. Mrs. Lawson's voice bled into my ears. I didn't even know why I was reciting their lines from memory while trying to keep a moral reasoning debate with Rom.

"Would it be so bad?" Rom said.

I sighed. "Yes," I said, my voice clipped. "The dog ends up being stuck in a mud puddle, its stubby little legs too useless to get itself out. What you're going to do is to pull it out, yes? But in order to do so, you'll have to get near it."

I couldn't believe I'm saying this. I never imagined this day coming where I would have to spoil the whole day like it's a movie. "When you get near it, you'll discover that the entire circumference around that dog is made up of soft mud," I explained. "Soon, you'll find yourself just as stuck as the dog. It will be another hour before you can get out. There, happy now?"

"But what about Mrs. Higgins?" Rom asked. "She'd have to endure that alone."

I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, she gets Junior out just fine," I said. "By the time 4:30 in the afternoon rolls out, she'll be spraying her fluffy dogs with holy water in her garden. I've seen it all."

"But still—"

"Oh, look, the supermarket!" I said, slapping Rom's arm playfully while pointing to its general direction. "Let's go buy some Cocoreos."

Rom looked like he wanted to argue more but knew that it would be useless with me. I smiled inwardly.

We walked in silence as we peeled through the Supermarket's parking lot. As we passed by cars I haven't memorized yet, Rom nudged me. I knitted my eyebrows at him as I looked up at his face since he's a head taller than me.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said. "You're frowning again."

"And I should always be smiling?" I snapped.

Rom frowned this time. Clearly, he's pissed. "Why are you salty lately?" he asked. "This is unlike you, Jule."

I stopped walking and faced him. "Then what should I be like?" I asked before turning away again, quickening my steps towards the Supermarket's sliding doors. Rom had to jog to catch up to me.

"I can tell something's wrong with you," Rom said as we came up to the doors that conveniently slid open for us. I eyed an elderly couple I hadn't seen before stroll inside before us. "Would you care to tell me what?"

I gave Rom a wink. "No, I don't," I said. I sighed when I saw that pleading look he's giving me. "Look, let's just get Cocoreos and eat lunch."

We walked inside and I led Rom through the quickest route that would lead us straight to the biscuit section. I saw the guy in a blue t-shirt who hoarded all the Cocoreos pass by me. My blood turned hot but I tamped down my annoyance. If I make a scene here, it wouldn't be a good memory for Rom.

I bit my lip as we reached the aisle where the last Cocoreos stack could be found. I reached out to get it just as a thud followed by a crash emanated from the next aisle. I groaned as I checked my watch. Ugh. Just in time for the Supermarket Mess. What better time than right now, right?

"What was that?" Rom asked nobody, turning to run towards the source of the noise. I reached out and grabbed his sleeve. He tugged at my grip.

"It's useless to go in there and help," I said, finding a stern tone in my voice. "This happens everyday."

"But we should help—"

"Like Mrs. Higgins, we're only wasting time if we're going to spend the whole day helping people," I explained as calmly as I could. On the inside, I was already fuming with annoyance. I was not in the mood for any ethical debate with Rom right now.

Rom fought against my grip on his sleeve. I tightened it. "But just this once—"

"Like I said before, you'll get tired of it and you're going to see how futile your gestures are in the face of the reset," I said. "Face it, Rom. As much as I praise you for having a good heart, it's not going to help any of us. It didn't help me the first time so I'm trying to keep you off that path."

Rom relaxed. "You used to help people?" he asked.

I snatched the last pack of Cocoreos from the shelf before the girl from behind me who kept eyeing it earlier could. I deafened my ears when I heard her cry. Oh well, that's that.

Rom looked behind him and at me. I glared at him. "Don't give me that look," I snapped.

Rom sighed, our legs taking us into a line at the cashier. Why I even bother falling in line to pay when I could have just walked out with the Cocoreos was something I don't like to think about as well.

I caught Rom studying my face. "I'm not a good person, Rom," I said with a soft tone. "You should know that by now."

Rom didn't reply. I mean, what else could he say?

We're almost to the Supermarket's automatic sliding doors when Rom said, "I don't think you're a bad person, Jule."

I smirked then burst out laughing. "Now that's something I don't hear every day," I said, pushing past the doors and bursting towards the wide parking lot. "What makes you say so?"

"You wouldn't have stuck with me if you are," Rom said.

I choked on Cocoreos as I munched. Oh God. I didn't reply as we traversed the parking lot and got towards the intersection. I decided to chuck Cocoreos into my mouth in continuous succession to not give myself a berth to be spoken to.

"You really love those, don't you?" Rom said as we turned a corner to the road that will lead us to the Creamery.

I nodded and kept munching.

"It's a good thing I brought another three in my pack," Rom revealed.

I whirled to him, my eyes as large as plates. Rom chuckled. I almost squealed in delight when he produced three packs from his guitar case as promised. "Here," he said, softly. "Perhaps after that you'll tell me what's wrong."

My hand lost its eagerness in getting the biscuits. I ground my teeth inside my jaw. You will tell him today. You have to.

I stopped walking. "There is something I want to talk to you about," I said, my tongue thick with the remnants of the cookies. Ugh. I needed to drink water else some bits would stick into the roof of my mouth.

Rom paused to face me. "Uh...that was sudden, but sure," he said, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. He only does that when he's uneasy. "What is it?"

I opened my mouth but no words came out. Come on, it's now or never.

"The truth," I managed to cough out. "I'll tell you the truth."

Rom knitted his eyebrows. "Okay?"

I have to tell him.

"Maybe we should stop this," I said, shifting my weight from foot to foot. I pulled my hat lower to hide my face that might be showing signs of shame.

Rom licked his lips. "Stop what?" he asked.

I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth. "This," I said, gesturing vaguely between us. "We should have never met and had this...thing between us. It's not right."

"What do you mean it's not right?" Rom asked, his voice cut in the dangerous edge. I was pretty sure I took a step back.

"Because one of us is going to be miserable after what's going to happen," I fired. My heart won't stop battering my chest. "You...don't want to find out. Believe me just this once."

"Jule, what are you saying?" Rom pleaded. "I don't get it. Why should we abandon this one thing we worked so hard for?"

I raised my eyes to his only to find them still searching mine for answers, always believing and always trying to find the reason to continue. What would happen when a soul like that knew the truth?

I tried smiling at him but I know I failed. "Because I won't make it to tomorrow if we stay together," I said. "I still want to make it to tomorrow, Rom. And us staying together would not only hinder me but it will hinder you as well."

His face fell in disbelief. I watched him sigh pointedly, cross his arms, and muss his hair. He was still trying to make sense of what I said. Should I say more? Should I...?

"Do you mean it?" Rom asked, his eyes a mixture of doubt and apprehension.

I forced myself to look straight at his eyes and spit out, "Yes," I said, watching him take a shaky breath. "That's why we can't do this anymore."

"Oh, God," Rom said, shoving his hands to his hair. "You couldn't have told me this earlier? You really chose to hold this out at the last second? What, do you enjoy playing with people? Are you really that vile?"

I knitted my eyebrows. Vile? Was I hearing that right? "What did you say?" I asked, my tone not at all kind or patient.

"God, I can't believe I fell for your antics," Rom groaned.

I put my hands forward as if to steady him. "Rom, can you explain?" I pressed.

Rom looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "You want to call this off so you could save yourself, right? So you could fulfill your dream?"

"What? No!" I exclaimed, his questions ringing in my head. I want to answer and explain but his sudden outburst rocked my reasoning. "I don't mean it like that!"

"Then what do you mean? You blatantly told me you still have to achieve your dream," Rom fired. "What do you even call what we have right now?"

"A mistake," I rasped.

Rom's face fell with realization. Perhaps, mine did too now that I thought about the implication of what I just said.

"No," I said. "I don't mean that—"

"I'm done listening to you," Rom said, turning away from me. "Have fun finding another person to believe you."

"No, Rom—"

"Goodbye, Jule."

With that Rom walked away, his back growing smaller as he took step after step.

I wanted to call out to him, to plead with him to listen, but I didn't. I kept my mouth shut. Rom was able to remember now. It's only a matter of time before I vanish and he forgets me. It's only a matter of time before I would be forced to leave him alone. It's only a matter of time before he has to go through what I went through.

I messed up my one chance to explain. Now that I won't probably get another audience in him to at least clear the air between us, no one's going to blame me if I go on ahead and do this. I'm doing this to save Rom and myself. Was that selfish? Was Rom right about me being vile?

I don't know.

All I knew was that this was the only thing I could do.

I crouched on the ground, squeezed my eyes shut, and summoned every begging nerve in me.

Please let me turn back time. Let me forget to set things right.

If I don't have any memory, I wouldn't look for ways to get out of this loop. I wouldn't have found Rom. Our encounters wouldn't have happened. If I forget, I'm setting things right with the world.

I clutched my head, tears now running freely down my cheeks.

Please let me forget everything.

I reflected back to the times Rom and I spent atop the Lighthouse, in the Creamery, or just in the abandoned field, making things that mattered most to us. Those were the times I've felt the happiest, the most fulfilled.

I wished it could happen again or the reset to never take it away, but this was the right thing to do.

Let me forget.

Perhaps, this was my sacrifice. This was my punishment, my retribution.

Let me remember no more.