Chapter 18
Katniss P.O.V.
Peeta sits down next to me on the edge of the bed with Willow in his arms. I lay back and watch Willow as she sleeps. I'm exhausted and I can feel myself drifting off, but I don't want to miss anything. For some reason, my mind chooses this moment to remind me again of what the doctor said months ago. The day we found out that our baby had a heart condition and probably wouldn't make it long past birth. All I can think about as I watch our daughter sleep peacefully in Peeta's arms is It could still happen. It could still happen.
It could still happen.
"Katniss?" I look up to see Peeta giving me a concerned look. "Are you okay honey?" I nod my head.
"I'm fine," I reply. Peeta leans over and kisses my lips.
"I love you," he says softly.
"I love you," I reply.
"You should get some rest too," Peeta suggest. The thought scares me. What if something happens while I'm alseep? I already love this little girl so much. What will I do if we loose her?
"Katniss?" I shake my head a little to clear it and look back up at Peeta. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," I say quietly. Peeta moves so he's sitting next to me on the bed and props his feet up next to mine. I lean my head over on his shoulder and reach over to touch Willow's cheek.
Peeta leans his head against mine. "Katniss, sleep. She'll be okay. I promise." I stare at Willow for a minute and then look up at Peeta.
"Okay," I say. "But just for a little bit. Wake me up if anything happens." Peeta nods his head and I close my eyes, drifting off to sleep almost immediately.
The sun is just starting to set when I wake up. I look around the room to see that Peeta is no longer there. Mom comes into the room and I look up at her.
"Where's Peeta?" I ask as I prop myself up.
"He took Willow downstairs so Haymitch could see her," Mom replies.
"Why didn't Haymitch just come up here?"
"Peeta was afraid they'd wake you." A loud cry suddenly comes from downstairs and fear courses through me.
"Is she okay?" I ask Mom as I turn my attention to the doorway. Mom laughs a little.
"She's fine," she assures me. "Katniss, you're going to learn really quick that babies cry. A lot. But just because they cry doesn't mean they're hurting or anything."
"I know," I say. "I'm just scared." Mom nods her head.
"I know you are," Mom says. "And I understand why." Willow's cries grow louder and so do Peeta's footsteps. Once they appear in the doorway, Peeta brings her over to me.
"Come here baby girl," I say softly as Peeta hands her to me. "What's the matter? Did Haymitch scare you?" I ask. Peeta starts laughing.
"I'm going to go fix her bottle," he says. "I'll be right back."
"Okay," I reply before Peeta disappears into the hallway again. Willow eventually calms down and is almost asleep by the time Peeta gets back with her bottle. She's out of it before she even finishes her milk.
"Peeta, would you care to go get the bassinet so I can lay her down?" I ask.
"No, I don't care," he says. He walks over to the nursery and comes back in carrying Willow's bassinet. He sets it down on the floor beside of me. I lay Willow down in it and she opens her eyes.
"Oh, please go back to sleep baby," I whisper as I start to rock the bassinet. Her eyes close as quickly as they opened and I let out a sigh of relief.
Mom decides to stay with us for the night as I requested. If she didn't, I'd probably be calling her every time Willow made a noise. Once Mom gets settled in the guest bedroom, Peeta and I get ready to go to sleep. He lays down next to me and wraps his arms around me.
"I love you," he says softly.
"I love you too," I say.
"We finally did it, Katniss," Peeta says softly as he looks over at Willow. "We finally became parents." I smile and my eyes also find our daughter.
"I still can't believe that we have a baby now," I say as a few tears escape my eyes.
"Neither can I," Peeta says. I look up at him to see that his eyes are also getting watery. I lean my head over and kiss his cheek. He moves his head just enough for our lips to meet. "We'd better go to sleep," he says. "She'll be waking us back up soon." I laugh a little and lay my head on his chest. The last thing I see before I fall asleep is Willow's face.
The nightmares are much worse tonight. They start the minute I fall asleep, and are cut short when I wake up screaming. When I look around the room and don't see Peeta, I start panicking. It takes me a minute to realize that Willow is now awake and crying. I loose it when I go to pick her up.
"I'm sorry baby girl. I'm so sorry," I cry as I hold Willow close to me. "Mommy didn't mean to wake you." I'm not aware of anything else until I feel arms wrap around me and hear Peeta's voice in my ear.
"Shh, it's okay," he whispers to me.
"I woke up, and you- weren't there!" I say between sobs.
"It's okay," he says softly. "I'm okay. I'm right here." Willow's cries grow louder and turn into more of a scream. I pull her closer to me. It breaks my heart to see her crying and know that I'm responsible for it. I can't believe I scared my baby like this.
I start shaking so hard that I end up passing Willow to Peeta for fear of dropping her. Peeta gently cradles her in one arm and leans against the headboard. He wraps his free arm around me and pulls me in so I'm laying beside him. I take deep breaths to try and calm myself down.
"Are you okay?" Peeta asks. I shake my head
"It's not even been a day yet and I'm already a terrible mother," I say.
"Katniss, don't talk like that," Peeta says. "You are far from a terrible mother."
"Look at how unhappy she is, Peeta. And it's all because of me."
"No it's not, Katniss. You didn't wake her up on purpose."
"I still feel bad about it," I say truthfully.
"There's nothing to feel bad about," Peeta says. "She's not hurt or anything. She'll be just fine once she calms down." I reach over, grab Willow's pacifier out of the bassinet, and place it in her mouth. It takes a few seconds, but her cries finally stop. "See," Peeta says. "She's fine."
"I'm sorry," I say as I run a hand along Willow's cheek.
"Don't be," Peeta says. He hands Willow back to me and I sit up a little.
"Where's Mom at?" I ask.
"She left early this morning," he replies. "She said she had something she needed to do, but she'll be back this afternoon."
"Okay," I say. "I have another question."
"What is it?"
"Will you fix me something to eat?" I ask. He starts laughing.
"Of course." He leaves the room and I'm left alone with Willow. Her little eyes find mine and I smile.
"Are you okay now baby girl?" I ask softly. "Mommy didn't mean to scare you." I lean over and kiss Willow's head. "I love you," I whisper.
It takes me about three days before I realize that Willow is already stubborn like me. I rock her back and forth as she fights with everything she has not to fall asleep.
"Please, Willow," I start begging. "I know you're sleepy. You have to give it up at some point." I put her paci in her mouth, but it doesn't help much. She still continues to cry, and refuses to sleep. I sigh and sit down in the rocking chair with her.
"What's the matter?" Peeta asks as he walks into the nursery.
"I can't get her to sleep," I reply in a frustrated tone.
"Maybe she's not sleepy," Peeta says.
"Trust me," I reply. "She's sleepy." He chuckles and bends down next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He runs his free hand over Willow's cheek. Her little hand clamps around his pinkie and he smiles.
It amazes me at how far we've come. After everything we've both been through and even though we have the scars to prove it, we've still managed to make it to where we are today. We're happily married to each other. Together we created a beautiful baby.
And we are surrounded by nothing but love.
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