11| 4 Days, 16 Hours & 22 Minutes
Four days, sixteen hours, and twenty-two minutes.
That's how long it's been since I found out about the bombshell Jackson dropped on my fiancée which led to me avoiding two of my best friends. Ayden's tried desperately to talk some sense into me, but he hasn't really gotten anywhere. I wasn't mad, per se. Not at my friends. It was just...a lot.
"Mama?"
The sound of little Nate's voice caught my attention. I'd been staring out of the small window in the kitchen for who knew how long. Turning around, I walked over to the playpen. "Yes, baby? What do you need?"
He was standing up, head just above the top of and his little fists were holding on for dear life. "Hold me, mama. Please."
"Well, if you insist," I said with a smile before picking him up. Just when he settled in my arms, there was a knock at the front door. "I wonder who that is." I knew Harper and Jackson were both working today, so it wasn't either of them doing a surprise visit. Karma had a training thing at the hospital with Ayden. Ryan and Danielle were visiting his parents with baby Violet. I was pretty sure Jamie and Ollie were having a date night at some art opening in Manhattan. So that only left...I swung the door wide open. "What are you doing here?"
"Is that any way to greet your brother? Jeez. The greetings have sure gone downhill around here." My brother immediately reached out to take little Nate from me. "Look at you. Getting so big."
As I watched my brother fawn over my son, my heart filled with love. Everyone loved him and would gladly die for him. Including Harper and Jackson. "Seriously, Nate, what are you doing here?"
With a heavy sigh, my brother sat his nephew back down in the play pen before he started pacing around the kitchen. "You know what tomorrow is, don't you?"
That love I felt in my heart turned into a sharp pain. "Yes, I do. How is she?"
Nate ran his hands over his face and through his hair. Something he did frequently when he was stressed. Especially when it came to the woman he loved more than anything. "She says she's fine. But of course she's going to say she's fine. She knows that if she tells me she's upset or freaking out then I'm going to get upset or freak out."
More pacing before he stopped and briefly glanced where Ayden kept his liquor. After all of the heavy drinking my brother did when he got back from Afghanistan, he swore off the hard stuff when he got back with Karma. That didn't mean that he didn't still have his temptations to get good and drunk, but now he only stuck to the occasional beer.
"Are you okay," I asked him even though I knew the answer already.
Looking at me, he shook his head. "No, I'm not. Tomorrow is Mrs. Fitzgerald's birthday and I know that Karma is hiding her feelings from me. I know she's entitled to her privacy and everything, but after, you know...last time, we promised each other that we would confide in each other about things like this. I hear her crying sometimes late at night when she thinks I'm asleep. I can't take it, L I can't know she's in pain and do nothing about it."
"I know," I murmured. What Nate was describing was something that I could definitely relate to. When Ayden was suffering from his nightmares and everything he went through after getting back from Afghanistan, I had never felt so helpless. He let me in as much as he was comfortable with, but even to this day I know that there are certain inner demons he battles by himself. And just like Nate, all I want to do is ease his pain.
"What do I do, L? How can I help her?"
"Well, she's meeting Jackson for lunch tomorrow right? And we're having a girls night with her at my place. So she's going to be surrounded by and friends. Maybe in the morning when she wakes up, just tell her that you will provide whatever she needs. Tell her that you love her and if she needs to talk to you you're going to be there to listen and if she doesn't then you will respect that. I promise you, Nate, Just knowing that you are there for her will be enough."
"Yeah," he replied with a sigh. "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, L. I feel better now."
Nate walked over to me to embrace me in a strong hug. We talked for a few more minutes before he said goodbye to me and little Nate. Then he was out the door and most likely on his way back home. I meant every word I said to him, but I would be a liar if I didn't say I wasn't also worried about Karma. But that was one reason why the rest of us planned to do something with her on her late mom's birthday. We just didn't want to take the risk that she would be spending it alone.
When I told Nate that we were having a girls night over here tomorrow with Karma, the reality that Harper would be here came to me out of nowhere. I wasn't mad at her, but I wasn't ready to talk about the bomb Jackson dropped on Ayden. But then again...it was Harper. Tomorrow was about Karma. I knew she would make that the focus of the evening.
***
Later that night, Ayden, our son, and myself were seated around the table in our kitchen while we ate the dinner Ayden picked up on his way home. He spent most of the evening telling me about his work day and that his therapy session today at the hospital went well. It did seem like he was doing better and I was grateful for it.
"Goddess?"
"Hm?" I was reaching across the tray of little Nate's high chair to feed him another spoon full of macaroni and cheese when the next words out of my fiance's mouth caught me completely by surprise.
"Maybe now is a good time for you to get off birth control. What do you think?"
What did I think? What did I think! I could barely process his words let alone form a thought in response. "I, uh, thought we agreed to wait unil after the wedding."
Leaning forward, he took my hand in his and smiled while briefly glancing at our son then back at me. "We have a beautiful son, baby. And I know you want another one as much as I do. I know we agree to wait, but I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. And I was thinking maybe if you got off birth control, we could at least try and see what happens. Of course we can still plan the wedding as we agreed." When I stared at him and didn't give him a response, he added, "If you changed your mind about wanting another one, I completely understand and—"
"No," I said immediately and shook my head. "I definitely want another one. But with everything going on with Harper and...Jackson, do you really think now is the right time?"
He chuckled and gave me a playful roll of his eyes. "Please tell me you aren't still stressing over that late night visit from Jackson, goddess? I told you everything is okay. I'm okay."
"Of course I'm stressed. God forbid if something does happen, my worst fear is that you will blame yourself. If that happens, there will be no bringing you back from that. I can't live with that."
Ayden rose from his chair to come around the table and kneel before me. Reaching up, he cupped my face in his hands. "Lanie, if the worst should happen, it won't be guilt that plagues me. It will be grief. The same grief we will all be feeling. Because I know that I'm going to put all of my energy and effort into making sure that doesn't happen. I will know deep down that it wasn't my fault. So please, baby, stop avoiding Harper and Jackson. They are two of the best people in your life. Everything is going to work out how it's supposed to. Me? I'm just giving my best friend some extra peace. And you, too, goddess."
He was right. I knew he was right. With a heavy sigh I nodded before turning my face to kiss the inside of his palm. "Okay, Ayden. I won't avoid them anymore."
"What about the other thing?"
Now it was my turn to smile like a moron. Turned out I wanted exactly what he did. "Well, since I'm on birth control pills I guess I can just throw them out."
"Really? You mean it?"
Leaning down, I gave him a deep kiss. "I do, Sergeant. Now, how about you put our son to sleep then we can get started with a knitting session or two."
Ayden was on his feet instantly. I couldn't help but laugh as he quickly gave little Nate a bath and put him to sleep. By the time I had the table cleared, the food put away, and the dishes cleaned, our son was sound asleep.
And while I gave myself over to the pleasure that only Ayden could give me while we made love over and over again, I couldn't help feeling that for the first time in a long time, another puzzle piece of our life's fell into place.
***
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm so sorry for the long wait. I promise I'm trying to update more frequently. As much as my health allows 🖤
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