Chapter forty-five – Daddy's Girl

Warning: somewhat graphic detail in this chapter. Sensitive readers may need to be aware.

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How do you know when you're scared out of your mind? Is it how you act? How quickly you speak? Your lack of concentration on anything else but your fear? Or maybe it's how quickly your heart beats.

My heart is beating faster than I've ever known it to beat before. The horrible feeling of sickness has invaded my stomach. My mind is whirling. I'm so lightheaded. I feel numb.

"Daddy ... Are you okay?" I mutter softly, bringing my head close to his. My hands cup his face gently, as I look into his eyes.

He's growing weaker by the second. His lips are parted to breathe, but not much air is passing in and out of his mouth. His short, sharp breaths are the only thing audible in the room. His eyes aren't even fixed on me; they're looking straight ahead.

"Daddy? ... " I repeat, desperation causing me to tear up.

His eyes slowly move upwards, looking into mine. His pupils and irises are so vacant; so shallow. There's no glint in them at all. They're simply glazed-over and tired-looking.

This explains why he sounded so relaxed on the phone.

"Daddy ... are you okay?" I repeat once more. My head whips up, as I look at Michael. "Michael, get me a glass of water please," I demand quickly.

Michael nods, running from the room. Moments later, he returns holding the glass, and passes it to me. As I take it from his hands, I look down at father, before parting his lips a little further, and bringing the rim of the glass to his lips.

"Drink this, dad." As I tip the glass of water, I realise how dry his lips are. They have no moisture on them at all. "That's good. Good job, daddy." Regret fills me as I say the next words, but I have no choice. "Okay, you're not going to like this, but you have to bring the pills back up; so they're out of your system. They could be dangerous."

At this, he doesn't seem to respond. He's too relaxed as a result of whatever drugs he's taken. How am I meant to make him regurgitate? It's a terrible thing to have to do, but if it doesn't happen, the end result could potentially be fatal.

"Daddy, I'm really sorry that I have to do this ... But you have to open your mouth for me." He doesn't appear to do this fully, so I lightly use my fingers to part his lips for him. "I'm really, really sorry ... " I repeat, my voice breaking. My hand takes his, as I guide his to his mouth. If I activate his gag reflex, he might bring the pills back up.

"Be careful, Angel," Michael says softly, approaching us at last. He sits the other side of father whilst I attempt to help him.

"I can't believe I've got to do this," I frown, taking a deep breath. Slowly, I guide his hand into his own mouth, not wanting my hand to spread any kind of germs, despite being clean.

Michael watches cautiously as I try to make my father regurgitate. He seems a little frightened at the possibility of seeing this sight, but he remains silent throughout the whole thing.

After a couple of minutes, I finally make dad retch, and he brings up a little bile. Whether or not I've removed any pills from his system is unknown to me, but hopefully I have. The sight is horrible for me to witness; seeing my father in such poor condition is slowly breaking my heart.

"It's okay daddy ... " I remind him, tears falling down my cheeks from the experience in enduring. "It's all completely fine ... "

Although it kills me inside, I'm forced to make him gag even more. It's better to make him sick, than risk him dying, I suppose. There's no knowing what Marco has given to him to put him in this state.

After dad has brought up bile a couple times more, he lets out a cry, and squeezes his eyes tightly shut. "Please! ... No more! ... " Tears manage to escape through the tiny gap between his lashes, which instantly makes me regret what I'm doing – even if it's for his own good.

"Daddy, I don't want you to get hurt. The pills might be dangerous," I remind him, my face contorting slightly in emotional agony. "You have to let me do this! ... "

"I can't! ... " he cries desperately. "It hurts! ... "

As I exchange glances with Michael, I see that he's also starting to cry. He's trying to hide it, though; he's blinking rapidly to rid any signs of tears from his eyes.

"But daddy ... " My voice breaks, as I start to sob. I don't want to hurt him, but if I don't do this, he could die! If the pills were any kind of recreational drugs, or just drugs in general, then I could lose my father today!

"Just try him with the water, Cit." Michael uses his head to gesture towards the glass of water on the table by father's chair. "It could do some good. Maybe it'll water the pills down so they don't have as much of an effect on him."

Nodding, I take the glass of water from the table, and bring it to dad's lips. He drinks a little, but then forces himself away from the glass; instead, leaning his head back against the chair.

"Please try to drink more," I plead, placing the glass near to him again.

He shakes his head, urgently avoiding drinking any more than he already has. "No ... more ... " he demands, closing his eyes gently.

As he says this, the front door opens. The cheerful voices of Reiss and Clover gradually increase in volume, until they enter the living room where we are. Then, their faces change drastically to fear.

"What's happening?" Clover questions, dropping all the grocery bags she's carrying to the floor. "What's wrong with—?

"He was overdosed with some sort of pills," I answer quickly, tears freely rolling down my face now. "We need help. Do either of you know how we can get them out of his system quickly?"

"What kind of pills were they?" Reiss asks in worry. He too drops his bags, before coming over to dad's chair.

Clover is already crying; Reiss is holding it together so far. I'm crying – which was obvious – and Michael is crying, too. Father has tears in his eyes, but not from emotional pain – just because of how much he's been retching in the past ten minutes.

"Have you tried water?" Reiss quizzes. He then spots the glass of water on the table, and nods. "Oh. And I can see that you've tried making him gag. So I take that didn't work, either?"

"He begged me to stop," I answer, trying to keep calm. "We need to call an ambulance. I can't believe I didn't think of that already."

"I'll do that." Clover leaves the room quickly, to get the phone. The sound of her conversation with the paramedic can be heard in the hallway as we all gather around dad.

"It's okay, dad ... " I assure him, caressing his cheek gently. "The ambulance is on its way. They'll know exactly how to keep you safe."

He's growing a lot weaker, now. He can barely keep his eyes open. If he dies before the ambulance gets here, I'm going to scream, I swear. He can't die ... I'll have nobody. My father is my best friend, and my hero. He's everything to me.

Clover re-enters the room. "They're on their way. But I've got to keep talking to them so they can ask about how he's doing."

"That's okay," Reiss answers on our behalf. "Ask them what we should do to try get the pills out of his system."

"Got it." Clover then turns her attention away from us. "Excuse me; what can we do to get the drugs out of his system whilst we're waiting on you?" My eyes avert quickly to Clover, and I watch as she listens to the paramedic. She looks back at me. "The paramedic asks if we've already tried activating the gag reflex."

"Yes," I tell her. "We've made him regurgitate three times already."

"Yes, they have," Clover speaks into the phone. "And she said he's regurgitated three times already." She then pauses to listen to the paramedic, before looking back at me. "They said it's not exactly safe to do that without supervision, but it's already happened. They said that we should monitor how he does until they get here, and then they'll sort everything out."

"Okay. Thank you, Clover." A smile of gratitude briefly forms on my face, but speedily vanishes when I hear dad whimper in pain.

"That's okay. The paramedic also said you should tilt his head forward so he doesn't choke. Just in case he vomits again."

"Alright." Carefully, I tilt dad's head forward. "It's all okay, daddy. It's just so that you don't get hurt again."

His eyes are barely open, now. His eyelids are partially separated, revealing a tiny gleam which is there courtesy of the light in the room. His breathing is shallow, and fast-paced. It's almost non-existent.

"Clover tell them to hurry up!" Michael suddenly shouts, his voice giving out with each word. It's so sweet that he's so concerned for my father.

"They're coming as fast as they can, Michael!" she cries, the hand that isn't holding the phone shaking violently. She takes a deep breath as she runs her fingers through her hair. "Please try and be as quick as possible!" she calls into the phone.

"Daddy please don't leave me," I beg, my vision blurring from the tears. "You're one of the only people I have left ... " A tear rolls down each cheek, as I take my bottom lip into my mouth to suppress any sobs that feel the need to sound from me. "Please don't let go ... "

If they don't get here soon, I won't even have a father by tonight. Part of me feels as if that's the inevitable outcome to this anyway, but I want some form of hope to keep me going ...

Dad suddenly starts to breathe heavier, taking me by surprise. He seems to be giving up! ... My heart is shattering into so many pieces. Is this really it? Is this really the end?

"Daddy ... " I whisper, embracing him gently. My head nestles into his neck, as I kiss his jawline lovingly. "Relax ... This won't hurt you ... You'll feel no pain, I promise ... "

My eyes briefly move to Michael, who can't seem to control how much he's crying. He covers his mouth with his hand, silently shedding tears at what he's seeing. The tears fall onto his hand, then drop to his lap, where they dissolve into his jeans.

Reiss is watching from the window; obviously looking for the ambulance. He isn't crying, but there's fear clearly visible in his expression. He's biting his nails harshly, to try and vent his emotions.

Clover is stood by the door, with the phone to her ear. Her fingers continually run through her hair, as she stressfully listens to what the paramedics say to her.

My eyes close, as I take father's hand in my own. He's had many happy years on this planet; losing Andre hurt him, but it didn't lessen his smile. Losing mom must have damaged him deeply, but it didn't lessen his smile too much. But this whole business with Marco ... that is what has finished him.

It hurts my heart more than anything, but I know he won't be here by tonight. It's time for me to say goodbye to my father ...

"Daddy ... listen to me," I start, moving my head away from him, and looking into his nearly-closed eyes. "If you look up there, you'll see all the pretty lights ... You'll see all the happy times together. Look up, daddy ... " My hand guides his head so that he looks up at the ceiling. "Do you see all those beautiful colours? The colours of Heaven? You're going there, aren't you? You're on your way there ... "

A painful knife is stabbing my heart right now; I almost feel as if I could faint. But I have to hold myself together; I have to speak to my father before it's time up.

"And just think! You'll be able to see mom again ... You can see Tiannah. You'll get to see Andre, too. My brother; your son. You're going to become an angel, daddy ... A real-life angel! Doesn't that sound so nice? ... "

Everyone in the room is watching me, now; they know it's almost the end. Clover and Reiss try to avert their attention to keeping watch for the ambulance, but I know they want to watch father and I.

To my surprise, father turns his head to Michael, and reaches his hand out to him. Michael takes father's hand, and looks down on him as father speaks.

"Take ... good care ... of my little ... girl ... "

At this, Michael almost bursts out crying once again. He swallows forcefully, nodding at my dad. "I can promise more than anything, Mr Espinosa. I'll treat your little girl just right, I swear."

Dad gives the faintest smile you ever saw, then looks back at me as I finish my words.

"Daddy ... remember I love you. I love you so, so much. I love you more than anything that lives ... " I bend down to kiss his cheek; his skin is cold and pale. As I pull away, I look down on him, seeing his eyes close just a little more. "And I'll always be your little girl. I'm daddy's girl. Always and forever. I love you, my Angel ... I love you ... "

Dad smiles faintly at me, before closing his eyes fully. He doesn't stop breathing, which keeps me sane. But then, his lips part, and he exhales a loud breath – not breathing back in afterwards.

"Daddy?" I murmur, my eyes fixed on him, and nothing else.

Behind me, I hear Clover and Reiss crying – Clover louder than Reiss – and Michael starts to sob, too. But the numb feeling in my heart stops me from even producing a sound.

"D-Daddy?" I repeat again, my chest starting to feel light, and weak.

He doesn't answer at all; not even by twitching his finger.

"No ... " I mutter, unable to believe what I'm witnessing. Then suddenly, my voice raises, as I launch forward and shake his body. "No! Daddy! No! No! Don't leave me! Please!" My voice breaks as I scream out once more. "Ple-ease!"

Michael stands up from his position on the other side of dad, and hugs me tightly from behind. He gently pulls me away from father, rocking me back and forth in his arms as I scream out in agony.

I can't even pay attention to what anyone else is doing right now; I've entered a world of my own. Everything in front of me is a blur. My mind is a blur. My stomach feels as if it's been flipped. I feel physically sick. There's a terrible, awful numbness paralysing my entire body ... Just like when mom died a few months back.

Eventually my painful cries die down, but Michael doesn't let me go. I sit in silence, almost deafened by it. There's muffled conversation occurring around me, but I can't understand what anybody is saying, or who is talking. Michael just holds me close, stroking my hair with his fingers, knelt down on the floor.

My shaking, sweating hand then reaches up, and takes father's cold, lifeless one. My voice quivers as I exhale, and I slowly force myself away from Michael's embrace. Using dad's hand as leverage, I haul myself up from the floor, wobbling from the grief, and I fall into dad's arms, hugging him as if he were still alive.

Not knowing what everyone else behind me is doing, I sob into my father's chest, desperately calling out his name over and over.

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I honestly almost cried writing this chapter! Man, that was emotional.

Up to now, I've written to chapter 53 of this story. In total, there will be 60 chapters. So I only have seven more chapters to write!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)