Chapter fifty-four — Happy Holidays

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-December 25, 1987-

"Good morning, Michael. It's Christmas Day today."

My brows furrow in admiration as I watch him gently fall out of his slumber in front of me. He really is the most adorable human being to exist. I want today to be a nice day for us, even though the circumstances are no good at all. It's both of our first Christmases without family, but Clover will be joining us for the day.

He turns over a little, so that I can just about see his face underneath the masses of black curls which have clung to the corners of his mouth, and draped themselves over his eyes and nose.

"Michael," I repeat softly, noticing he's got his eyes open now. "Hey, merry Christmas Michael."

"There's not much merry about everyone being gone now," he murmurs due to tiredness. "But yeah. The same to you." He breathes a quiet sigh, flicking the hair from his face as he sits himself up on the bed. He looks hurt, but he gives the faintest smile he can just to show me he isn't upset with me, and that he wants to make a bit of an effort with the occasion.

"Should we go downstairs and wait for Clover?" I ask. "She's due over here in about twenty minutes."

"Yeah, sure." He, although visibly forcing himself to do so, rotates his body so that his legs hang over the edge of the bed. For a few moments, he halts himself, to try to slowly coax himself out of the sleepy state he's currently in. In this time, he rubs his eyes, lets out a loud breath through his mouth, and proceeds to push his body up off the bed with his hands. Now a little more awake, he quickly changes into more presentable clothing before coming down the stairs with me.

"Do you want anything to eat, or should we wait for Clover?" I question to him, as we arrive in the living room.

"I'll wait," he answers, sitting on the sofa. After a few seconds, he seems to feel a chill, as he shivers and draws his legs up to the rest of his body and embraces them to conserve heat.

"Blanket behind you," I point out, using my index finger to gesture to the back of the sofa. He catches a glimpse behind him and finds it, grabbing it and covering himself with it.

"Thanks," he says. He then seems to force himself to swallow, the reason unknown. "Come sit with me."

Following his request, I sit by his side, and he places the blanket over me, too. He then wraps an arm around me, which naturally allows my head to lean against the space between his chest and his shoulder. "I love you, Michael."

He remains silent for a few moments, but then I feel him move his head, and a careful kiss is aimed at my forehead. "I love you too." His tone isn't as warm as it used to be, but in comparison to the last couple weeks, it's a lot less cold and harsh. I'll take any signs of affection I can get based on how he is right now.

"I hope you'll like the present I got for you," I state, trying to evoke more conversation out of him. "It's not the best, but I guess you could say I put a lot of thought into it."

"I'm sure I'll love it," he responds. "Whether you put a lot of thought into it or not."

"And I don't expect you to have gotten me anything you know," I add, my hand reaching to his so our fingers can interlock. "That's not the reason I'm with you, and you should know that."

"I know, but I still got you something." Although I can't see his face, I can feel him nodding his head. "It could be the last thing you ever receive from me."

"Don't say that," I demand, wanting to avoid the heartache for just one day. "It won't be like that. Try not to think like that, please." I sigh softly. "I know it's easier said than done, but—" A knock on the front door interrupts my speech. "Clover. She's early. I guess that just means we can start celebrating earlier, huh?" I head towards the door, opening it to see Clover in her winter clothes, and a medium sized bag with Christmas patterns adorning it. "Hey Clover. Merry Christmas."

"Happy holidays, Cit." She smiles, and slides past me into the house as I move aside for her to get in. "I got you both a little something to mark the occasion, of course!"

"Very kind of you," Michael pipes up. "We got you something too ... obviously."

"Thank you guys," she grins over-enthusiastically, but it's rather clear it's an act. Even she gives it up immediately with a sigh. "It's just not the same this time, is it?" she asks dejectedly, lowering her eyes to the floor momentarily. "We just need to make the best of it, I suppose, though. Right?"

"As much as we can," I respond, exchanging sympathetic smiles with her. "Anyway, perhaps we could start with presents, and then have some breakfast."

"Works for me," Clover inputs. "Michael?"

"Yeah, sure. Anything you like." He nods, still bundled up under the blanket shivering.

"You okay there, Michael?" Clover asks him, trying not to invite him to pour his heart out, but still attempting to make sure he's doing fine.

"Can't say I'm feeling the best I've ever felt. But I'll be fine sometime," he answers honestly, nodding for what feels like the tenth time. He just seems like he really doesn't know what to do with himself at the moment.

"I get that. Nobody's asking you to feel your best, or to even act like you are. It's totally okay Michael." She nods rather vigorously, to emphasise how normal it is for him to feel how he does.

He flashes a quick closed-mouth smile at her words, and then I pick up my own small bag from by the window, which has their presents in from myself. Michael's presents don't seem to be in sight yet.

"I'll give my presents first," Clover intercepts politely. "Get the boring ones done from the boring girl."

"I'm sure that's not true," I chuckle, taking her bag and opening it. Inside, there's two parcels wrapped in sparkly paper; one in green for Michael, and one in silver for myself. "Here, Michael. Yours." I hand him his gift, before withdrawing my own from the bag.

Michael is somewhat fast in opening his present, so I sit and watch him do so, along with Clover. His present is a men's watch, in a space grey colour. It's real nice-looking.

"It's wonderful. Thank you Clover." He gives what seems to be a genuine smile, looking down approvingly at the box which contains the accessory. "Real good."

"I'm glad you like it," Clover beams, before averting her eyes to me. "Your turn, Cit."

"Of course," I snicker, tearing the paper away from the present neatly. Inside mine is a beautiful trinket box, a soft shade of pink. It's shaped like a butterfly, with gorgeous leaf and flower patterns on the wings. The intricate designs are in various colours, and all their different shades. "This is exquisite. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much."

"It's just a little something to put random things in. Jewellery, mostly, I guess." She shrugs at the suggestion she's made, clasping her hands together happily. "I'm glad you both liked your presents."

"We really did. It's my turn to give you mine now," I volunteer, taking their presents out of my bag for myself, and handing them to their respective owners. "Clover first. Michael wait."

"Right," she laughs, taking the paper off her gift. I got her a bangle bracelet with her name engraved on it, and her birthstone embedded into the metal. "Oh wow. Isn't this amazing?" she asks rhetorically, taking it out the box and instantly sliding it onto her wrist. "Thank you so much Citria."

"It's nothing," I smile, seeing Michael curiously looking at his present in my peripheral vision. "Yes, Michael, you can open yours now."

He chuckles quietly; the first time he's laughed in such a long time. It's the best feeling to witness it when he's been hurting for so long. He opens his present, to find a plain white box inside.

"Teasing me now," he comments under his breath, making both myself and Clover laugh. He opens the box to find a book. "What's this?" he asks to himself, opening the front page.

I made a scrapbook of our happier times together; of photos and little artefacts collected from precious moments. Polaroids of us from before and after our 'date' at the roller disco, of course taken on a camera with a timer, as nobody was there to take photos of us. Images of the clay work we made on the day of our first kiss. Photos of me, him, Clover, Reiss and dad all together. Not only photographs; but also souvenirs such as the tickets into the roller disco, and love notes we'd written to one another on a rainy day when we'd gotten bored one afternoon. Coins made in the years of our births, and the drawings of my vase that we created before we even started our relationship. If there is a way to preserve special memories, I've done it with this.

As he looks through, tears fill his eyes. "This is incredible, Cit." He flicks through some more, finding old times when we'd been so happy, and reading the silly captions I've placed with them. "Thank you. I love it."

"Good." With a smile, I kiss him. "I told you I put a lot of thought into it. Did I deliver?"

"Oh, you did indeed," he answers, his voice sounding as if it's giving out. "This puts my gift to you, to shame."

"It does no such thing," I argue. "And even if it did, I couldn't tell you that because I don't have it yet, do I?"

"No, you don't. Yours is somewhere upstairs. Clover's is down here though." He rummages behind the sofa, before bringing out Clover's present and handing it to her. "Here you go."

"Thank you Michael." She unwraps it, to find a bottle of perfume inside. Now I come to think of it, she's mentioned this one before and said it was her favourite. Credit to Michael for remembering that small detail. "Awesome. I needed more. Thank you."

"No worries," he replies, smiling a little to her. "Citria, you can have your present when I next go upstairs."

"Making me wait, huh?" I pout playfully, folding my arms and shaking my head in mock disapproval. "How offensive is that, huh, Clover?"

"Oh, very!" she chuckles. "Give the girl her present, Michael!"

"I'll get it at some point," I chime in, to dismiss the topic entirely. "More importantly, breakfast. I know I'm hungry. Are you guys?"

"Oh yes," Clover answers, whilst Michael just smiles silently.

*  *  *

It's later on in the day now, and the stars are starting to fill the night sky. I'm stood by the bedroom window watching as the darkness is gradually taken over by the little specks of light. Clover and Michael are downstairs — doing what, I don't know. They're probably just watching the Christmas episode of Michael's favourite home video show.

Many thoughts have been in my mind today. I'm happy that Michael seems to have enjoyed the day as best as he can, despite his family and friends being gone. I'm glad he's been able to forget about Marco just for one day out of his life. For him to have slept well last night has taken a weight off my shoulders. He's been eating well in comparison to the past couple weeks. He seems to think I'm oblivious to the fact he's not been eating, but I'm well aware. I just haven't said anything, because I know that nothing I do will persuade him to change his appetite. It's one of those things which breaks my heart to see, but I can't alter it. I don't think even he can really. It's not too bad at the moment – especially because he ate well today – but if it gets worse, I'll have to seek medical care for him. He'll grow weak if he doesn't take care of himself, and I don't want that for him. Today has been a good day for him; the first of hopefully more.

I know he's going to have bad days. And often, he will have seriously bad days where he'll be experiencing pain I wouldn't want to imagine. But no matter what, I'll be there for him through all of it. However big, however small. I want to be there through all of his problems and bad days because at the end of the day, what kind of girlfriend would it make me if I didn't do that?

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear the door to the room open, and the darkness is flooded progressively with light from the hallway. Without even turning around, the shadow cast on the wall is obviously Michael's. He shuts the door behind him to regain the darkness which once enveloped the room. Moments later, I feel his hand rest against the small of my back. And moments after that, he embraces me fully from behind.

"I didn't give you your present yet," he mutters, as not to break the silence too abruptly.

"No. But it's okay," I respond. "What was it?"

He moves away from me momentarily, and I hear him shuffling around in the room. He comes back to me with a small wrapped box, which I can only just see via the dim glow from the stars outside.

"Open it," he instructs.

Observing his polite command, I unseal the tape used to keep the paper on the gift, before sliding the box out of one side of the partially-opened wrapping. In the low lighting, I can just about see that the box is black, with gold patterns on the lid. Curious as to what's inside, I lift the lid to find a necklace. The pendant is heart-shaped, and has a clasp which means it can be opened up. The front has writing on, and I can just about make out that it says, 'My Angel'.

"This is gorgeous Michael," I breathe, taking in just how extraordinary the design is.

"Open the locket up," he continues, so I do so.

Inside, on one side, is a small scattering of tiny gems locked in with a layer of glass, like a snow globe. On the other side, is more writing which says, 'Never lose your sparkle'.

I fall into his arms and hug him. "Thank you."

"I'll put it on for you." He takes the necklace from my hands, turns me around gently, slides my hair to one side of my head, and clasps the necklace around my neck. "There you go."

He slowly spins me back around to face him, before taking hold of my waist and pulling me closer to him. He glances upwards, so I follow suit, to find a piece of mistletoe which he clearly placed there on purpose before I came upstairs. It causes me to chuckle at his sneakiness. Without another word, he kisses me, with more passion than I've experienced in the past few weeks combined.

My arms reach up and coil around his neck, in an effort to pull him closer to me as we continue on with our sweet moment.

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A little bit of positivity is nice, right? Especially in times like this. I hope you're all keeping safe and well. Only a few chapters left of this story now though! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!