(This scene takes place after Alina dies in Chapter 40 and before she enters her afterlife.)

::MR. TRAVIZ::

“You can’t do this,” I hissed.

“Can’t I?” father quirked a brow, “I’m King. I would think that meant I could do as I pleased.”

“You’ve turned into a tyrant. A selfish, conscienceless tyrant.”

“Perhaps. But this selfish, conscienceless tyrant has your best interests at heart.”

“Oh so is that why you killed my child?” I asked.

He didn’t say a word. This was the first time that I had brought it up and he frowned down at me. Shifting in the throne, he stroked his chin. “McGregor told you. So that’s why you never talk to me anymore,” his frown deepened, “I was wondering why but I never guessed.”

“He didn’t tell me and I’m not saying who did,” I told him, “I will never forgive you, but I don’t want to hate you any more than I already do. All I ask is this one thing.”

“And now we’re back to the original question; can the wedding be moved up a date. The answer is no. This is your chance to prove that you are a fit king. You must make the decision. Wedding or funeral. Duty or love. Celebrating the future or the past. It’s your choice. Make the right one.”

“I can’t not go her funeral,” I said catching the crack in my voice before it was heard and masking it.

“You can’t not go to your wedding either. Which one is more important?” he asked.

“I thought I was your favorite?” I changed tactics, “If I’m truly your favorite son then why do you always attack me the most?”

“Because you are my favorite, dear boy,” he rose from his chair and came to me, “Don’t you see? I’m hard on you because you’ve gone soft. I want you to be strong again. I want to see the unfeeling, cold young man that I made with my DNA. I want that Damien. The one I can adore. Not the one who wants to run off again for yet another Alina.”

“I understand.” It was a harsh truth, but I did understand.

With a final bow, I left the throne room. Cookie was outside waiting. “What did he say?” she asked. I didn’t reply. That was answer enough.

King Markus Traviz, my adoring father, had set my wedding on the only day that the funeral home was able to go along with the ceremony this week. In two days either I would bury Alina or get married to Raine. It should have been a simple decision. Go to the wedding and get everything over with. Deep down I knew that it would eat me alive for the rest of my life if I never went to her funeral. Or worse, I gave up on her to marry another woman. I knew how to deal with guilt but this was too much for me.

Cookie walked behind me talking but I had drowned her out completely. My face was a blank mask that didn’t hold even a shadow of emotion. This was the Damien Traviz that father wanted. This was the man who he wanted to hold the family’s power. This Damien didn’t feel, didn’t love, didn’t react, didn’t know an irrational decision if he saw one, didn’t know how to be common. He was the Damien who was around before the first Alina. He was a cold, clear minded ruler-to-be with a vision. All brains no heart. Worthy royalty.

I should have listened while I had the chance. Father warned me about her. ‘Love doesn’t exist but it blinds those who believe its existence’ he said. I could have kept my heart to myself where it would be safe and unscarred. Even as I thought it, I knew the bitter thoughts were just that. Bitter. They weren’t true. If I could rewind time, the only thing I’d do differently was spend more time with Alina. I loved her too much to cut her off if I had the chance. She had taught me to feel and that wasn’t something I could relinquish if I could go back. Every minute with her had been something special.

I remembered everything about Alina. Her big, brown eyes wide and innocent framed with long, thick lashes. Fair skin smooth to the touch. Silky strands falling down her back in mocha waves. Delicate, feminine curves that fit perfectly against my body with subtle curves to make most men rethink her innocence. There was something perfectly angelic and at the same time very sensual about her. Unspoken potential. I could remember the pleating of her brow when she concentrated and the dimple flashing when she beamed up at me. I could still seem to feel the softness of her lips as they kissed me that last time. Even as I remembered the feel, I had forgotten her taste.

That was the horrible part about a final kiss. When you were having the kiss, you were expecting to share a million more after. You didn’t take the time needed to savor it so that you would remember it even in your old age. No. You never expected your last kiss to be your last. For that I couldn’t forgive myself.

You would never know that looking at me now. All of my inner turbulence was hidden by a well trained outer shell. I was damn near robotic. In fact, there were probably robots that were programmed with screens to show more emotion than I was at the moment.

“Talk to me, Damien!” Cookie snapped me out of my thoughts.

She never spoke to me like that and she didn’t ever call me by my first name. It had definitely shocked me from the confines of my mind.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Something. Anything. Everything. I can’t take the silence anymore. Zacky, Prince Dmitrius, Lady Aristoria, no one says anything. And you’re the worst of all. You don’t say anything, you don’t do anything, you don’t even look at me,” she said, “I need you to talk because on top of everyone grieving, your silence worries me. You should be grieving more than the rest of us put together and you’re walking around all bottled up like a potential suicide victim.”

“I’m not going to kill myself,” I said.

“That’s the only thing you have to say?” her tone was incredulous.

“If you came expecting me to ease your suffering, it’s not going to happen. I will not indulge in my grief, I definitely will not talk it out, I absolutely will not hold hands or cry or hug away the pain and I refuse to bask in the memory of my first love with the woman who kept her illness from me until the hour of her death. Thank you but no thank you.” I was as polite as I could muster and as toneless as it were possible for a man to be.

There was shock all over her face.

“And if you think I’m ever going to forgive any of you for this, you’re sadly mistaken.”

“We promised her that we wouldn’t tell you. We couldn’t betray her trust,” she said, “Please, Damien.”

“I’m glad that you cared so much about maintaining her trust while you broke the trust of the person who would live long enough to never forgive you for the betrayal,” I whispered, “I thought of you like another mother and you would put her above your son?” She didn’t answer. It was a rhetorical question because she’d answered months ago when she’d agreed not to tell me.

I turned and headed outside to the waiting limousine. I took a seat inside and it pulled away from the curb.

This was the first time that I had ever hurt Cookie. It stunned me that it didn’t bother me. It was a vengeful part of me. It wanted everyone to hurt as much as I did. It enjoyed her pain. It felt good. Better yet, it eased my own hurt. She deserved every word as much as the others did. I hadn’t spoken a word to them and had no intentions to.

It was a kick to the gut to know that they had all kept this from me even as they enjoyed her last days knowing that they were her last days. Daring to linger on her every word, every laugh, every smile, and every caress. The sight of them made me sick to my stomach and as uncalled for as some of my comments were to them I enjoyed each verbal stab even more than the last.

I’ve never had reason to loathe many people in my lifetime but my disgust towards them went unparallel even to my feelings about marrying Raine. She was the only one who hadn’t known. I could bear to look at her.

The limousine didn’t take very long to get to the bridal shop and I went to meet her on the fourth floor where we had agreed. I looked around and saw that she wasn’t here. A glance at my watch showed that the time had only just turned to three o’ clock. “Good, you’re here,” her voice rang out. Perfectly on time as usual.

She gave me a nod and searched my face. It was no use. I knew it was free of anything worth reading. Every emotion tucked inside and locked away from attentive eyes.

“Any better?” she asked, “McGregor says that you haven’t returned any of his calls.”

“Don’t…”

“Dmitri isn’t taking it well either from what I’ve—.”

“I said don’t. I couldn’t care less about how the rest of them are taking it. Oh poor them. They’re taking it so hard with a two month warning,” I glared at her; a silent dare to support any of them.

“I see. Well let’s go. Do you want to go start looking at ties?” she asked, “Or straight to tuxedoes?”

“Tuxedoes.”

She nodded and led the way to the back where the most elite tailor in the country stood poised and ready to fit me. Raine remained silent for the entire fitting, giving her opinions only when asked. She might be willful and cruel and sometimes selfish, but she knew when to push and when to back off.

She would never have kept it from me if she had known and it wasn’t a matter of honoring a promise. Richmonds were a family of self-righteous, vengeful bitches but they had honor. They knew how to honor a promise or a person’s last wish, but Raine knew right from wrong. She often did whichever suited her best, but she was honorable enough to do the right thing when others were concerned. Raine would never have let Alina keep the secret no matter if they were best friends or not. She knew the outcome in the end.

I liked Alina but she was ignorant. Even I had to admit that. She didn’t know enough to be considered anything but. For her to make someone promise something so big was like a five year old asking you to detonate a bomb because it would look pretty. She was not wise enough herself to impose something like this. They should have known better than to go along with it. Alina lived in a world of stars and rainbows where nothing could be completely bad. They had the common sense to warn me and they didn’t.

Over the past week since her death, Raine and I had gotten closer. Not close, just closer. We had agreed that once upon a time, before I had started seeing her as an obligation, we had been pretty civil to each other. We used to talk and laugh at school almost like friends. Only after I had accepted that my feelings for Alina were more than I wanted them to be did I start resenting her and shut her out.

I stood in the tuxedo and looked at the final alterations in the mirror. “You look great,” she nodded. She was right. The suit was expertly sewn for my body and mine only. The tailoring was top notch and the color unlike anything I’d ever seen. It was a black, but the shade of black had the slightest undertone of light blue if you looked hard enough. It was stitched into the fabric like a semi-hidden pinstripe; thin and barely there but noticeable. I had seen the color of Raine’s dress and I had to admit that it was suited for her. It was of the palest blue and would probably bring out her eyes.

We managed to find a bowtie that was as unique as the tuxedo. There was a refined pattern hand sewn into it. The thread looked like silver stretched hair-thin and woven into ice blue and black fabric. It was a beautiful tie really. As much care went into this suit as the bride’s dress which was saying a lot for any wedding.

Raine looked at me as if I were some sort of god. There were tears – actual tears – pooling in her eyes. I took off the suit in no time and went over to her. She blinked quickly as if only just noticing the wetness. “You cry.” I brushed her cheek with a sweep of my thumb. It wasn’t common knowledge. I didn’t think the princess even knew how to anymore.

“My tear ducts are traitors,” she forced a laugh and looked away.

“Leave,” I ordered the tailor and he didn’t hesitate.

“I’m fine. Let’s take the tuxedo for safe keeping,” she made to stand but I pushed her back down.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. A speck just got into my eye.”

“A speck. That’s what you’re going with? You’ll make a bad politician if that’s the best you can do as far as lies go,” I stooped so that we were eye to eye, “What’s wrong?”

She glanced back at the door. “It’s finally happening. I’m getting the throne,” she responded, “I didn’t dare think that you would go along with it. I thought you would back out again. I thought…its happening.”

I stared at her. She was all cool stares and guarded expressions. Blank and expressionless was the royal way of physically shielding people from seeing our true feelings. Our ways of pretending we didn’t get hurt or didn’t worry or get our hopes smashed. I was a pro at it and she was better. Raine had been shielding herself so well for so long that I forgot that it was a mask and nothing more. She felt as much as any commoner though she wouldn’t admit it. She was human though she refused to show it. She was so good at what she did that I sometimes forgot that she was only nineteen. A puppy in a dog eat dog world. No one sympathized with her because she seemed so unbreakable and sure of herself.

I had needed to see that moment of vulnerability to remind myself that she was still young and I needed to be as careful with her as I had been with Alina. I sometimes treated her with the severity of my other, older colleagues but it was because she fit in with the more mature crowd so easily. As her future husband – one who didn’t love her and had no plans to – I needed to be more sensitive. If only a little more so. Raine wasn’t one who would take to being babied or being made to feel weak.

“I’m going through with it and in two days we will have our thrones and crowns and a city.”

“And then we will have a son,” she added, “A strong, beautiful son with your face and my eyes maybe.”

“Of course,” I nodded knowing that I couldn’t control what gender we would have.

We went back to my family’s castle and she went to see her brother. I hardly saw Dmitrius and Zachery but Zachery seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth. He never made it to meals and no one ever saw him anymore. Despite that, his father worried more about me than his son. Damon constantly checked on me. He said that Zachery was grieving the only way he knew how, but that I wasn’t reacting at all. He seemed afraid that I would do something stupid to hurt myself. He was far from right.

The two days went by in a blur and I still had no idea of what I would do. I needed to choose which one I would go. I couldn’t go to both. There was no way that I could mourn a death and then bottle everything up for the press later in the day where pictures of me would be posted in every newspaper in France.

The more I tried to talk myself out of it, I found myself putting on my best black suit and favorite shoes. I tried reasoning with myself all the while but just wound up putting on the cologne that made her heart beat faster whenever I held her. She would inhale the smell as though it were the oxygen she needed. I am not going. I have to get to my wedding. I can’t be in the funeral. I promised Raine.

Without thinking, I found myself walking to her old room. The moment I stepped inside, her natural scent filled each corner. Somehow I felt closer to her. On her bed I spotted a familiar, pink, strawberry scented bear. The one I had given her on her first birthday with us. Oh look, it’s Fluffle Bear. I went over to the stuffed animal and ran my fingers over its fur. It was oddly soothing. Then I noticed something that I hadn’t before. The smell that I usually thought of as wholly Alina was really the bear. She had always smelt of strawberries but I never questioned why. I had to laugh. She slept with my present so much that the fragrance rubbed off on her. It was heartwarming in the strangest sense.

I have to be there.

After that thought, I left. I had breakfast and went into the car with the others. We all were going to the funeral together though I didn’t talk to any of them. My eyes were drawn to Zachery. He was paler than usual and his gaze more unfocused. His checks were tear-stained as though he hadn’t stopped crying in days. His hair was disheveled but he was otherwise neat. Cookie would allow nothing less. His usually dancing eyes were empty. Dead.

I might be furious at him for keeping it from me, but it was obvious that even with the heads up about her condition that he wasn’t coping any better. He was my nephew. I should have noticed sooner. No I shouldn’t. No one had seen him in days.

“Are you sure you don’t want any?” Dmitrius asked Zachery. He was holding out a packet of Gummi Cherries. It was Zachery’s favorite snack according to Alina. I remember her saying how he’s do anything for a pack of Gummi Cherries.

Instead of grabbing for the pack the way I would have expected the old Zachery to do, he ignored Dmitrius completely. Aren’t they still together? Alina always said how inseparable the two boys were. Why would he disregard his boyfriend as if he didn’t exist?

I turned to Cookie. She saw my confusion.

“You royals contain your emotions so much that when you can’t control it, you short-circuit,” she sighed, “This is what happens when you don’t know how to grieve like a normal human being.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. You’re one of them,” she rolled her eyes but she was clearly glad that I was at least talking to her, “Look at all of you.”

“What’s wrong with us?” my tone came out defensive.

“Zacky’s being bombarded with so much emotions right now that he’s refusing to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. He’s like an empty vessel unable to deal with it which is odd because he was the most commoner-like of all of you. Lady Aristoria knows that she’s sad but she doesn’t know how to be. Imagine not knowing how to do something as human as being sad. She won’t answer to anything but Tori,” she scoffed.

“Alina used to call her that,” I murmured.

“Yes. I remember,” Cookie replied, “Dmitri and you are reacting the same and are probably the worst.”

I frowned, “Worse than Zachery?”

“You two put up so many walls that no one can get inside so you’re forced to deal with it alone. You two monitor and block every hint of pain that threatens to get out. I know because I was there when they trained you. Right now, its like you boys are two robots. You don’t react, everything you say is short and to the point and the longest sentences I can get out of you is when you lose control and even that is rare.”

“We don’t—.”

“Yes you do. Your face is a mask and your voice is toneless. I can never tell what you’re thinking. The walls may hold up now but when they fall, and they will, you will be even more broken than Zac. The worst part is that you’re keeping up this façade so well and for so long that you’ve tricked your own mind into thinking that there’s truly nothing wrong. You are not fine, Master Traviz. You’ve lost another girlfriend along with your first born. That sort of pain accumulates. It doesn’t go away. And you may never admit it to anyone but her, but you loved her.”

“Love. Present tense. She may be gone but that fact doesn’t change. Oh and you’re wrong. I’ve never admitted it to her because I wanted to wait until I was ready. If I knew my time was so limited, I’d have told her before she died. Thanks for that,” I said, “And there’s nothing wrong. I am fine.”

“You have to forgive me eventually,” she said.

“I owe you nothing,” my voice was a single, cold hiss that was a whiplash in the car.

I turned to the window so that I wouldn’t have to look at her. Taking it out on Cookie isn’t going to bring her back. As I thought it another thought fought it. But anger blocks the hurt best.

That fact was undeniable. The more I poured out anger, the less I felt. It was bearable now. It was true. I was fine. As long as I continued to stroke the fire in my chest, I could handle it. There was nothing to worry about. In a couple of hours I would be a King. I couldn’t afford to crumble in spite of what Cookie thought.

The limousine pulled up in front of the church and I stood frozen to that spot. People said that getting married doesn’t really quite hit you until you put on the dress or tuxedo. The church makes the funeral more real. I looked up at the towering structure with its arches and pillars and statues of saints and crosses. Without thinking I knew she was inside. Waiting for me to say goodbye.

A hand gave me a simple push and I turned to see Aristoria giving me a nod. I straightened my back and walked inside, checking my walls for any signs of disloyalty. I glanced across at Dmitrius who was all icy eyed and tight lipped. There were no discerning expressions on his face. It was unnatural and slightly frightening. He was strong. I envied that.

The church was bright and cool. Rows of pews were lined off. Surprisingly it was not empty. A dozen of teachers who had once taught Alina sat in the pews. With them were many people who were most likely her dorm neighbors and classmates. Erica Burkin and her grandfather, Kevin ‘Lurkin’ Burkin were seated beside each other. Two of Raine’s friends, Tara and Zara, were also seated in the large group. I spotted the school choir in their white and gold robes. In the front row I saw four familiar faces that I never expected to be there.

I made my way over to them with a scowl. Alina’s old neighbors and her mother looked up at me with expectant eyes. How dare they show their faces here? I understood the young girl and perhaps the father, but the two mothers had no right.

“Before you say anything, I know what you think of me,” Alina’s mother began.

“Miss, if you truly knew what I thought of you you’d never even look at me far less bring your tainted existence into this holy place. And it’s only the fact that we are currently in a holy place am I going to keep what I think about you to myself before I sin my soul with the vile thoughts and expletives that I want to say to you.”

“I’m sorry for your loss but—.”

“My loss? Mine? She’s your daughter. I should be telling you that. In fact, if it wasn’t for me her death would have been quicker. How could you give such a young child cigarettes? Get her addicted to something so deadly? You should apologize for causing my loss, don’t give me your shit about being sorry that she died. You hated her and left her on the streets to die. I swear to the good Lord above that he will witness your blood on my hands if you don’t get the hell out of this church. Now.”

“It’s not worth it,” I felt a hand on my shoulder. Zachery had spoken. He looked up at me with somber eyes, “She might be responsible and she may have hated…her, and she may even be the most worthless excuse for a commoner mother the world’s ever seen but Alina loved her. She would want this woman here and today is about her, not us.”

“She should be around people who love her, who know her. This woman shouldn’t be here.”

“I might have been hard on her but it was what was best for her. I knew she’d be alright. After all look at you. Two grown men fighting over her. Young girls attract men. It’s a fact. I made her into the cute little innocent darling you love toda—.” She never got the last word out. It was interrupted by a resounding smack that echoed throughout the church.

Turning, I saw Zachery’s hand outstretched in the aftermath of a powerful backhand. The woman’s cheek burned red where the hand had connected and her mouth wide in shock. There was fire and brimstone in Zachery’s eyes and it unsettled even me. After a week of silence and anti-social behavior, I wasn’t really sure of what he was capable of. I surely hadn’t expected him to hit her. We never hit women. No matter what they did. Something in him had snapped. Zachery was beyond his reasonable self. This wasn’t him.

He reached for the woman’s neck and I grabbed him before he would impale her any more. There was no need to make a scene in the church. Pushing my energy into controlling Zachery dulled my own fury as the woman got up and fled the church. The little child’s mother got up with a scathing glance back at Zachery. “If that’s how you treat a lady,” she harrumphed and stalked out, “Such a debacle in a church of all places.”

“I’m sorry about her. Should we leave?” Little Girl’s father asked.

“I want to tell Alina goodbye daddy,” she looked up at me, “Can we stay?”

“Yes. Of course,” I nodded.

Cookie came for Zachery. He was taken behind closed doors and dealt with. I knew I was in no position to try to calm him down. I had been seconds away from doing the same thing if he hadn’t beaten me to it.

The odd thing was that he was tame again. Zachery sat on the bench and retreated into himself once more. He was silent and his eyes were empty and unfeeling. Wrapped in a self made cocoon, he hugged himself and the separation between himself and us was obvious.

When I got back to the congregation, everyone was whispering to each other. Gossiping bastards. I looked at them all and wondered which of them were her friends and which wanted to get a firsthand look at the girl who had smoked herself into a grave. I knew the rumors going around the school. It made me disgusted to look at some of them but I wasn’t surprised. Commoners could be as cruel as royals. We were all human.

The priest came and they brought out the casket from the back room, placing it out in the front. For the next fifteen minutes, people were allowed to look at her. I couldn’t. Not yet. Cookie, Dmitrus and Ricky went.

Throughout the entire funeral service, I couldn’t make myself pay attention. The priest hadn’t known her and neither had a lot of the people sitting here. When I tried to mourn properly, I found that I couldn’t. The feelings were bottled air-tight and even I couldn’t get to them.

Prayers were said and hymns were sung, but then there came the point where people came up to say something about the deceased. Some people from her classes came up and said some things that I hadn’t expected. Alina seemed to have touched people for even the most fleeting moments and they remembered her well for it.

Suddenly Zachery stood up.

He walked up to the front and looked at each person in turn, gaze scalding. Almost accusing. His vision had cleared. I could tell. The focus was unlike the way it usually was. He lowered himself to the floor with pain-filled slowness.

Even sitting and broken, his presence filled the room in the way of a future king. He looked at Dmitrius with a sort of tenderness that reminded me of her.

“My Lina was perfect. She didn’t know it but she was. I didn’t deserve her friendship. None of us did. I know that now,” he said, “I cared about her. She was my best friend and she gave me the best gift I could ask for.” Again his eyes fell on Dmitrius. “And I’ve never thanked her for it.” The other boy looked away.

“I’m blind most times than not and yet she looked at me as if I were superhuman. Special. Worthy of her. I couldn’t see her looking at me, but I felt that gaze on me. She would never know how many times that gaze gave me the strength I needed. She saw a different side of me. Where everyone saw a player and a heart breaker, or a failure and a cripple, or an heir and Damon Traviz’s bastard son, she saw her Zac. Someone she was proud of. Though I can’t think of what I did to make her so effin proud in the first place. But it made me feel unstoppable. I used to hide my bitterness behind a mask of smiles and grins and teasing. I could pretend to be the most lighthearted person in the world but when she gave me that innocent smile, the pretending would disappear. She had a way of easing your pain and insecurities. Of teaching you to love even when you thought love didn’t exist,” he murmured and looked me dead in the eye before I saw the focus fade from him. He was going back into darkness and fog again. The blindness was relapsing. “People think I’m okay with my blindness. I cope but I am not okay with it. I pretend to be. I want to be. To be king I have to be. She made me forget. To think that she would never had noticed if I hadn’t told her. As far as she went, there was nothing wrong with me. I was perfect. Just like her. I was only truly happy when she was around. I didn’t feel so alone. Alina’s heart is too big. She’ll never let us be alone even when she goes. She cares too much. It’s one of the reasons why I love that damn girl to death. I wish I could see her one last time.”

His eyes were pooling water but not a drop fell. His eyes looked like molten silver in the light. It contrasted with the dark shock of black hair and lashes that gave him an evil look more times than not. Dmitrius stood and went to the front. Zachery looked up at the sound of movement. “Come here.” Zachery didn’t refuse and took the offered hand and pulled himself up. Dmitrius pulled his friend – as far as the congregation thought – to him for what little comfort he could offer. Zachery was a well oiled machine. He was an heir. We didn’t show how broken we were. Pulling away from Dmitrius too early for his grieving to be finished, he left the church.

It was for the best. I don’t think he should see the actual burial.

When it was time, I heard movement in the back of the church. Damon and Daniel walked down the aisle and placed a hand on my shoulders. It was silent support. They shouldn’t have even been here. I nodded my thanks.

I went to the casket and looked down. My breath caught in my throat. My hand reached out before I could tell it not to. My fingers brushed her cheek and I had to swallow the wave of hurt crashing over my head. It threatened to drown me. Clutching the dark wood of the casket, I forced my body to stay balanced. Her skin was snow white and smooth and her lashes cast dark shadows on her cheeks. Even in death she was beautiful. Her lips were pink from the gloss the funeral home had used and the fake blush on her cheeks couldn’t compare to the real flush her skin got whenever I gazed down at her.

A lump formed in my throat and my eyes stung with the effort not to show weakness. Cupping my hand around her jaw, she seemed so fragile under my touch. “God, I miss you,” I whispered and placed a final kiss on her cheek as I undid the necklace from her neck and placed it around my own neck. The snowman pendant hung around my neck. I looked behind the snowman and saw three words behind it. Looking down, I realized that this was the last chance that I’d get.

“I love you, Alina,” I murmured, “So damn much it hurts.”

Daniel’s hand clasped on my arm and pulled me back. Damon closed the casket as everyone sang. Dmitrius and I took a hold of the handles in the front while my brothers took hold of the ones behind. We all walked down the aisle as one. Dmitrius had wet cheeks and damp eyes but they blazed with a fury that dared anyone to point out his grief. The young man was a deadly sight. His face set and emotions under lock even as tear stained cheeks and red eyes betrayed him.

I walked out to the cemetery. The mounds of dirt surrounded me but we made our way to the pre-dug hole. It seemed a horrible way to go. She shouldn’t be forced underground forever. I wanted better for her. Again, the crowd said their prayers and sang their hymns and I was in my own world.

Thud!

The sound of dirt hitting wood reached my ears. The impact was like something slamming into my chest. I stepped back.

Thud! Thud!

My throat closed. I had to get out of here. I was not used to that much feeling. Happy and sad. It was my two main emotions. But all of this was too much; sadness, loss, loneliness, grief, longing, remorse. Each feeling had a jealous streak. None wanted to be outshined by the other and refused to be pushed into the background.

Daniel grabbed hold of my forearm and led me away. My legs hadn’t been able to move on their own. “You have to get back. You have to get to the wedding,” Damon said. I nodded. Hopping into the limousine I was followed soon after by my brothers and Dmitrius. I didn’t give the driver instructions, but I was being taken home.

Burying Alina in France had been the obvious thing. It had been the place where we had really connected. And here I could visit her grave easily. I had sent transport to those who had wanted to see her off but the maids I had put in charge of that had been lax with who they’d allowed on the plane.

The two hour’s rest that I was allowed before getting ready for the wedding was too short a time. I hadn’t been able to recuperate fully.

I was showered and dressed by the maids and they made sure I ate before heading to the church. Security were everywhere patrolling as Prime Ministers, Presidents, Kings, Queens, Dukes, Duchesses, Heirs, the Pope and everyone considered important strolled into the church. Press stood in the back checking equipment over and over. If anything happened and they missed a shot, their editors would never let it slid. It was the wedding of the decade.

I was fixed into my tuxedo and placed to stand on the altar. All the while my mind was elsewhere. My father came over to me and gave a once over. “You look great. How do you feel?” he asked. I just buried my girlfriend. How do you think I feel?

“Fine.”

“Are you nervous?”

“No, sir.”

My face was wiped free of emotion. Nothing escaped. Not even my fantasy of escaping. “There you go. That’s the Damien I know and miss. Cool, calm. Good,” he nodded, “Good luck. Soon enough, you’ll be a king.”

I nodded and turned back to the crowd. Neither Dmitrius nor Zachery was here and I wasn’t surprised. Cookie sat in the front row looking up at me. The grand piano began a slow tune as the double doors at the back opened. Everyone seated gasped.

Princess Raine was a sight to behold. Her veil covered her hair, face and shoulders in ice and silver lace. The pale blue dress she wore hugged her body everywhere from her breasts to her hips before falling away to flowing cloth around her legs. The dress was dotted with sapphires that were bound to be real in a design that could only be done by hand. She glided up the aisle with a train trailing behind her.

She finally made it toward me letting go her father’s hand. The man looked like Dmitrius but with the blackest eyes I had ever seen. It looked as though the color of his pupils had bled into his irises. He had strong, aristocratic features and silvery hair at his temples that fused with the blonde of his hair. He was tightlipped and steely eyed but I could tell that he was pleased.

I removed the veil and saw that the dress had a modest cleavage with braided straps. The cool blue silk was gorgeous on her and it matched her eyes perfectly. The paleness of her skin made the blue almost glow but her aura did that for her. Her happiness radiated and filled the room. It seemed that even as her anger and distaste could taint a crowd, so could her joy.

Her joy reached me even as I wished that it was Alina walking up the aisle in the blue dress and that it were brown eyes that were watching me instead. I locked those feelings away and refused to let them show. The ceremony went on and Raine seemed to get happier with each passing minute. We said the standard vows and exchanged rings before I had to kiss the bride. I was not mentally present for most of my wedding.

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The first few weeks of marriage hadn’t been too horrible and my coronation had gone well too. I, King Damien Xerxes Traviz, now ruled my city with Queen Raine Richmond-Traviz. And at my side I had Alina. Her appearances had been a shock at first but then it became a part of life that I neither regretted nor disliked. When she visited we would talk and sometimes I got to hold her for hours at a time. Now that she was back into my life, I had found it in me to forgive the others…at her request. She could be a violent angel when she needed to be.

She spoke to me now as we sat in my empty room.

“I’m worried about Zac,” she confessed, “I’ve been to see you, Cookie, Dmitri and Tori but I can’t get to Zac. And what’s worse, it seems like he’s hurting the most.”

“He hasn’t been himself since you left. It’s like he gave up,” I nodded.

“I’ve been talking to this lady on the Other Side. She says that she thinks people who can’t see us are those who don’t believe in our spirits. Who block the idea of ever seeing their loved ones again,” she said.

“That would explain Zac perfectly. He’s locked off from everyone.”

“Can you talk to him? I hate seeing him like this. Maybe I can visit all of you when you’re together.”

“Alina. Sweetie. I can try but he’s unreachable. Dmitrius tries but he can only do so much,” I touched her arm. It wasn’t hot or cold. It was a completely other feeling. You had to experience it to understand. It was like describing a color that no one had ever seen.

“But he’s my Zac. I want him to be happy. To know that I’m with him. I can’t bear to see at him like this.”

“I’ll talk to him. Don’t worry.”

“Now. Do it now.”

I looked at her. Her silvery honey locks fell around her shoulders and her skin pale under the light. Almost transparent. Her eyes were large and pleading. There was no saying no to her. Who can deny an angel?

Going past room after room, I came to Zac’s bedroom. I was spending the week at my eldest brother’s house and we were catching up. It wasn’t often where I got to spend time with Damon and Daniel anymore. Zac was home for the summer holidays and he seemed extra disagreeable. It was no secret that he hated this house. He couldn’t stay with Cookie anymore now that she lived with Raine and me. The door was closed and I knocked before coming in.

Dmitrius glanced up at me while Zac continued typing on his Braille Note. “Hello uncle,” he murmured, “Come to cheer me up too?” Dmitrius met my eyes with an apology in them. He didn’t need to apologize. Of course Dmitrius and I would be coping. We still had Alina looking over us. Zac was still left to grieve on his own. I admit he was in better shape than he should have been. If it were me I’d have cracked by now.

“Actually I’m here to cheer someone else up.”

“Really?” Zac looked up at me for the sake of not making me feel ignored.

“Can I get a moment alone with him?” I looked at Dmitri.

“Let him stay,” Alina said beside me, “He needs this.”

She stared at Dmitri and I saw the other boy’s eyes begin focus on the spot where she stood. “You’re here.”

“Yes. Stay with me,” she smiled.

Dmitri didn’t move.

“It’s fine, Dmitri. You can go. I won’t attack him,” Zac said, completely unaware of the exchange.

“Never mind that,” I told him, “We need to talk.”

“About?”

“Alina. I…well it’s hard to explain this without sounding insane. But—.”

“We’ve been talking to her,” Dmitri interrupted.

Zac put down the Braille Note. “She’s gone. You can’t talk to her.” His tone was final, not leaving room for discussion. “Don’t lie to me to get me to feel better.”

“We’re not lying. I thought it was impossible when she first came to me but she—,” I started.

“Stop it, uncle,” his tone could slit a throat, “It’s one thing to tell me that she’s always going to be in my heart or that she’s looking over me and whatever else I’ve been hearing for the last month, but this is too far. There are some lies that just shouldn’t be said.”

“Think Zac. Is King Damien the kind of man to pull a stunt like this? Would he lie about Alina?” Dmitri said.

“Generally, no. But you people seem to have no boundaries in what you’ll say these days.”

“I’m telling you the truth Zac. I’ve seen her. She’s come to me, Dmitrius, Cookie and Aristoria.” I sat on the bed.

“So she’s been to see everyone but me? I’m one of her best friends. Why is it that this supposed Lina-ghost hasn’t come to see me?”

“She thinks it’s because you won’t let her in. You shut yourself off from seeing her again that your soul can’t recognize seeing hers,” I repeated everything Alina was saying beside me, “If you accept her, you can see her.”

“This is a long stretch. Even for you,” Zac’s voice cracked, “You really expect me to believe that? That you’ve been talking to her ghost?”

“If you would open up a little, you could see her now,” Dmitri glanced at Alina.

“Really? Well let’s see. Come on, Alina. Show yourself.”

“Zac?” she called. She was tentative, a small smile playing on her lips. She stood before him, hand passing through him.

“I’m waiting,” he glared at me, “Where is she? Hmm?”

“You haven’t truly opened up for her. You’re pretending to,” I repeated what she said.

“Zac, please. I miss you,” she tried to touch him again but her fingers couldn’t make contact.

“You’re breaking her heart,” Dmitri frowned.

“There is no heart to break. Drop it. Both of you.”

“They’re not lying,” Aristoria said from the doorway, “I’ve talked to her.”

Zac blinked. Dmitri and I was one thing, but Aristoria had no affinity to him. She didn’t care enough about him to need to lie.

“You people are serious,” he murmured, “You’re insane.”

“Let’s say for one moment you accept that maybe, one day in the afterlife, you’ll see her again. Just accept that,” Aristoria shrugged.

“I can’t. Hope is deadly. I won’t get let down.”

“Do it.” The little girl’s tone was the echo of a command that had obviously been given before and that was never disobeyed. Zac sighed under the strain of the order. He stared at his sheets for a while and I saw the moment his walls fell a little. Enough for me to see vulnerability. It had taken a lot for him to do that. It had been the only thing protecting him.

“Zac?” Alina murmured again. He didn’t respond. “Zachery…”

His head snapped up and looked directly in her direction. He swallowed, breath coming out in breaths. “L-Lina?” She dived onto him. Her form wasn’t solid enough to crush him but I heard the breath punched out of him3. It was a strange mix of solid, liquid and gas that was a new form of matter altogether.

His hand trembled as he ran his fingers over her hair. “You’re real. You’re back,” he shook his head. The urge to suppress the hope was in his eyes. She didn’t let go of him, but pulled away long enough to place a kiss to his forehead. “I thought I’d never reach you. I hate seeing you hurt, Zac. I missed you like crazy. I wanted to help, but I couldn’t do much when you won’t accept me.”

“I’m sorry, Lina. So sorry,” he clutched her, not wanting to let her go.

“S’okay. I understand. But you can see me now,” she said into his neck, “I can help. I want you happy again. You’ve been hurting Mitri.”

His eyes fell in Dmitrius’s direction, remorse in every grey sliver. “I know I have. I couldn’t help it,” he nodded, “I don’t want to.”

Aristoria came over to the bed, wanting some attention. It was odd having to share her with the others. Usually she made separate visits. I didn’t really like having to share her attention but this was for Zac and he needed this more than anyone else.

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My fingers cramped from the amount of writing that I had managed to get done today. Dropping the pen, I sat back in the chair. A pair of large, innocent eyes was peering at me from the doorway. I hid a smile.

“I see you, Alina,” I smiled, “Come in.”

“Papa!” she squeaked and ran over to me.

She climbed into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck. “What are you doing?” she asked in French.

“Preparing for a meeting with the United Nations,” I replied.

“You look handsome in your glasses,” she giggled, “You should wear them more.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” I smoothed out her hair and gave her a peck on the head.

Alina used to say that too. I touched the gold necklace around my neck.

“Papa…why do you always wear that?” Little Alina asked grabbing hold of the snowman.

“It’s to remember someone…someone very special to me,” I replied.

“Who?”

“Alina. From the story that I told you.”

“About the girl in the park,” she nodded. “What did she look like? Did she look like me?”

I looked down at my daughter and chuckled. She didn’t look like Alina. The little girl had dark, wavy hair, caramel skin and the most gorgeous icy azure eyes. She had her mother’s bone structure, grace and stubborn tongue. She was nothing like Alina.

“No she didn’t. She had big brown eyes. Innocent and sweet. She had brown, straight hair and a shy smile with a constant blush,” I chuckled to myself, “She was always so bashful.”

“She sounds nice. I wish I knew her,” she frowned, “I think she would have wanted to be my friend.”

“I think so too. Anyways…aren’t you supposed to be doing your History lessons?”

“Do I have to? Papa, he’s so boring. I don’t want to go,” she pouted.

I felt myself getting tempted to let her skip one lesson, but I was saved the decision. At this moment, Alina’s nurse came into the study.

“How did I know that you’d be in here? Your tutor is waiting on you. Why are you always running away,” the nurse demanded before turning to me with a deep bow, “Forgive me, Master Traviz. She will not be bothering you anymore.”

“She is my daughter. She can never ‘bother’ me,” I lowered her to the floor, “Now go on and pay attention to your lessons. No more paper planes in the middle of a lecture.”

“Yes, papa,” her pout would melt even the coldest heart, “But in my defense, I heard Monsieur Le Blanc liked planes.”

“Mischievous as ever,” I scolded though the hint of a smile trickled onto my face. She knew she’d won and grinned up at me.

The pair left the room and I noticed Raine standing in the doorway. “Hi. Did you want something?” I raised a brow.

“You really need to stop spoiling her you know,” she said walking into the room, “Aristoria keeps saying that it’s impossible for her to say no to her because our daughter, and I quote, ‘Does not accept the words “no”, “can’t” and “not allowed to” in her vocabulary and will not acknowledge them as existing in any language and so she won’t be held accountable of anything if warned using those words or words that mean the same thing.’. Interesting conversation.”

“Aristoria is her advisor. It’s her job to get her to listen. You can’t blame me. And I don’t spoil her,” I scoffed.

“Oh really? And that room filled with presents for her birthday next week doesn’t have spoilt written all over it?” Raine lowered herself into the couch against the wall, “I hope you don’t spoil Roman too much when he’s here.”

“Me? Spoil him?” I pointed at her swollen belly, “You’ll spoil him enough for the both of us. You’ve already named him and I have no say in it.”

“It’s traditional for the husband to name the first born without any objections. The second is all mine. Besides, he was conceived in Rome. It’s fitting,” she gave her belly an affectionate rub, “I knew we were right to try for a son.”

“Like I had a choice. I’m pretty sure that was rape or assault or…something,” I eyed her, “You threatened me. I’m sure there’s a law about handcuffing husbands to beds without lunch.”

“Don’t be such a commoner-child,” she gazed down at the baby bump, “It’s going to be worth it when our little Roman comes along. He’s going to be beautiful.”

“I know but did he have to be conceived in Rome? We could have waited until we got home.”

“Semantics. The point is that he’s here. My baby boy.”

“I’m sensing favoritism. You’re going to treat Alina with the same affection as Roman.”

“Of course,” she fanned her hand, “Same affection. Sure.”

I didn’t press it. There was no way to control Raine. It was part of what made her such a strong ruler. She had gotten a royal family in Italy to seriously consider a union with Alina. That would make her a queen in whichever country she wanted. If she chose Italy, Roman would be free to take the throne in France.

My family went on. I was moving on. My eyes met my other Alina’s as she sat on the desk before me. Her fingers trailed down my jaw and I smiled. Yes. Moving on.

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At last it's officially finished. I'll miss writing about my babies but I have them to drive me insane in my mind. Lol Damien already hates my new characters for all the future stories