It hurt him in every way to restrain and hold back himself.

As he ignored the message sent, he felt a tingling sensation crawling at his skin.

Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face.

*   *   *

Darkness swept the floor and embraced the dimly lighted room. On the soft bed covered with messily folded grey blankets and pillow sat Nico, all alone. Yet in the eerie silence he still felt as if he was with others, all together.

Despite the horribly high temperature and the blazing sun burning off time, Nico was wearing his usual ragged brown aviator jacket with leather pockets. Honestly, right now, he didn't have any care to give to the world. Luck was never on his side. He was just an errant useless comet in the whole vast infinite universe. He was forgotten easily, and could be completely any minute.

Wiping the tears away, Nico gave one last longing look to his last text message. He didn't want to say his name, but he knew that he would have to sooner or later. After all, the green-eyed boy was one in a million. 

When Bianca was still around and caught him sneaking glances, she would always say 'don't let him go, he's a keeper.' As he choked out more mournful tears, Nico silently apologized to his gone sister: "I'm sorry, sorella. I didn't do as you said."

Passing his elegant calloused fingers over his lips, Nico found himself absentmindedly retracing Percy's lips' journey on his. When he finally realized, he quickly stopped the contact, scolding himself mentally.

It was a probably all a joke, he told himself, Percy's way too good for me, and I'll keep this till I'm set in my grave. Still, a part of him wished it wasn't the truth.

Recalling last night's events, skeletal butterflies rose fluttered around in Nico's stomach. A lot of his memory was burnt out, as if he was hazy while experiencing them. But a part of his mind told him he was just having the time of his life.

What he could remember was that he was coming back from a phone call with his father Hades, and everything went downhill from there. That was what he thought in his mind. His body was in utter bliss at that moment.

"Oh." The green eyed boy had an unreadable expression on his face. After all, Nico had just admitted he had kind of daddy issues. But he was snapped out of his thoughts as he felt a hand placed on his left shoulder. Yet too concentrated on the movie playing, he didn't flinch nor tense up. He just smiled at the scene displayed. Percy was inching closer to him by the minute, and Nico didn't know whether to ignore or embrace him. Even from reasonable sitting distance, he could have sworn he could already feel the warmness radiated from the boy sitting next to him. Finally deciding to do something, Nico glanced back at Percy. The boy seemed to be studying carefully every single of his features in a kind of trance. Nico suddenly felt very self-conscious about the dark circles under his eyes. They were so close to each other that they were sharing the same breath. But before he could open his mouth to object, Percy smashed his lips against his. Eyes as wide as saucers, Nico felt his shoulders suddenly tense up. His mind was swirling with open-ended questions that couldn't be answered. All of a sudden, Percy unwillingly deepened the kiss, and Nico's frail body gave in. His whole body relaxed and shuddered in pleasure as the beautiful boy moved his lips against his. Electric currents were sent down his spine when he felt a slight tugging at his hair. Nico hated how pleasurable it felt. He felt the blood rushing to his face and his eyes closing in complete bliss. When Percy finally pulled away, Nico sat there, mystified, bewildered, befuddled...

All he could remember then was running out of the door, tears streaming down his face.

Lying back down onto his bed, Nico blinked the tears away.

He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be brave.

He was supposed to be Nico di Angelo.

But now, all he could see in the mirror was a fool, a coward, an idiot-!

As much as he hated himself, Nico didn't try to do anything to change the way he was. Changing is only made after thinking, and thinking was horrible for him. It made him doubt every single one of his movements.

Absentmindedly, Nico reached for his ring finger to twist his silver skull ring offered by his father. It was a bad habit that somehow soothed him. It was a pacifying activity and calming action.

But touching the bottom finger, fingering around to search for the sinister ring, Nico felt nothing against his calloused skin.

Dread washing all over him like a tidal wave, Nico felt a surge of panic running loose through him. Where was it?  Hell, he had it since he was 12!

Quickly standing up, Nico wildly thrashed and scoured every corner of his room, looking under any of the scattered novels messily arranged on his book shelves and searching through his closet filled with only dark, cold colours.

But it was nowhere to be seen.

Nico didn't want to taste defeat. Not again. He'd lost everything in his life. Whenever he was happy, it quickly ended with a horrible accident. Accident.

He'd lost his mother, his sister, the bonds with his family and his closest friends. Percy's return had just made things more complicated. The handsome boy didn't even have to utter a single word to make Nico smile and grin, confiding to him the most secluded part of him. And Nico hated how vulnerable it made him look.

Percy.

Oh god, Percy! Why hadn't thought of him earlier?

And as a horrible feeling of dread surged through his veins, Nico crashed down to the floor, giving company to the lumps of forgotten clothes, scattered books and ripped pieces of homework he had never returned. Nico had left his ring. In Percy's house.

Not knowing who to blame, Nico huddled his knees closer to his head. With a look of deject  plastered all over his gaze, his face contorted in regret...? Grief...?

Emotions were so hard to decipher that Nico decided he didn't even want to bother anymore. He grew silent all the time and barely spoke. When it did though, it sounded raspy and ragged. He'd learn to lip-read perfectly. Yet when he was around Percy, he spoke out more. His voice sounded more confident, smoother. Nothing like his usual.

And now it was gone all over again.

Nico could add Percy's name to his long list of people he had failed. He had ruined it again. Again, all over again.

Not able to get off his chest the nagging feeling that his life was a whole cycle of repetition, Nico had grew with it. Now it was a state of mind.

Stop sulking!

Being angry at himself felt way easier than being angry at somebody else. Being angry was easier than being upset.

Grabbing one of the remaining book off the shelf, Nico angrily tore off one of the paper pages. Rage consuming him, his vision turned red and the edges, a deep scarlet. Nico snarled and ripped off a few more pages, a dozen more pages, a hundred more pages!

Suddenly, the book was no more. The anger that had possessed Nico, all of a sudden, left. Shaking, he dropped the cover onto the floor. The pigeon-flapping novel that had once been in his hands, safe, was now dead. Still, on the ground. 

Of course, Nico didn't expect it to move, but as he stood watching the immobile book cover stripped of it's story, he felt a surge of guilt.

He was so mad at himself that he lashed out the jumbled mix of emotions onto his own collections of very special books that he held dear to his heart. He had destroyed a creation.

Sliding down his bedroom door, Nico looked at the shattered thing, a wild look in his wide-open eyes. He had broken a book. Along with everything else in his life.

Nico didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of it. It was like somehow, it was a horrible terrifying sin.

Poking the book, Nico flipped over the book, trying to catch a glimpse of the cover title. 

It was the Odyssey.

Realization hit him in the face like a boulder. He would have to fix the novel before his 'parents' found out. He would have to retrieve his lost ring from Percy's house. So much to do in 24 hours, how could he do it? School would be tomorrow! If he skipped, he would have to face his insane stepmother Persephone's and his short-tempered father's wrath. Even though he was used to it, it still didn't diminish the scare it could give.

Sighing in exasperation, Nico finally gave in. Defeat was his thing. He'd let his beloved silver skull ring dwell at Percy's house. As much as it pained him, going near Percy's neighborhood would be even worse for his mental health. The boy had kissed him. Kissed. Him.

"It's going to be fine." Nico exhaled, trembling, speaking to himself. "That ring reminds you too much of bad memories anyways. Better off without it." It hurt him to utter every single one of the words, but despite that, he continued. "Mama gave you it, right? Well, Mama is gone. And so is the ring now. You have to learn to live without a dead woman's gift, alright? It's going be all okay. This is fine. Everything is fine. It's not like your life depends on a mere ring."

But it did. Nico felt like the universe, at least his, revolved around it. His ring was the only thing his mother had left behind. 

And everything definitely wasn't fine.

okay so this was kind of a filler because i'm working towards the rest, okay?

at least, i can say i am

i guess

art: viria

-drakonator