"Why do you always let me oversleep?" I asked my boyfriend when I had woken up to see him buttoning up his shirt in the mirror in our bedroom, rolling onto my stomach, "I have a job too, ya know-"

"Well- yes." Alec walked toward me, leaning down and kissed my temple, "But- I don't like disturbing you-"

"Why, 'cause when I'm asleep is the most calm me you'll ever get?" I playfully teased, then grabbed his face with one hand and caress his cheek, "I'm sorry-"

"No, no-" Alec kissed my forehead, before ruffling my hair, "I just want you to be able to get as much sleep as you can- especially since it takes you so long to fall asleep at night."

"You're sweet." I softly smiled, before sitting up, pulling down his shirt that had ridden up my body, then getting up and walking towards the mirror.

"So, I was thinking we could have dinner tonight, on the balcony, view of the city-" Alec walked away behind me and hugged me from behind, "The head chef can prepare something special-"

"You're asking me out of a date- when I haven't even showered yet?" I looked at him, "I look appealing enough to you right now to ask me out?"

Alec smiles at me lightly, "Absolutely gorgeous."

I shot him a playful look, before crossing my arm, "May I ask what the occasion is?"

"There's no occasion-" Alec had me face him, shrugging, "I just thought it would be nice."

"Nice." I repeated, "Just out of the blue?"

"What?" Alec rubbed my sides, softly smiling, "I can't do something nice with my girlfriend?"

"You're always doing something nice- but, not this nice-" I push some hair out of his face.

Alec squints his eyes, "There'll be Tiramisu."

"Alright, you've won me over." I gave in.

"Alright- alright, okay-" Alec smiles lightly, then pecks my lips repeatedly, "I'll see you- tonight at eight o'clock!"

"I- okay-" I called out after him when he rushes out the room, leaving me alone in our apartment.

-

"Hey, my love-" I walked down to the sub-cells with Jace, joining Alec in front of Jonathan's cell, "Did he say anything yet?"

"No." Alec lightly shook his head in response, kissing my temple to greet me, "Underhill's been questioning him about the Morning Star sword, but he refuses to speak to anyone- except you."

I looked at him, "Well then- let me in."

"Zee, if you get any closer to him, you're only gonna strengthen his power over you." Jace cuts in.

"As long as I have my family- he won't get to me." I assure them, Alec giving me a hesitant look, "I'll be alright-"

Alec sighs, nodding lightly as I walked into the cell, Jonathan's eyes fixed on me when they took off the gag, leaving me alone with him.

I don't say anything, just staring.

"Don't worry." He breaks the silence, "I won't bite."

"Let's not do this, alright?" I swallowed hard and stared at him, "Just tell me where the Morning Star sword is-"

He tilts his head, "I missed you too."

"Jonathan." I was stern, "Where is the sword?"

"It doesn't take a genius to figure that it's capable of opening a rift into Edom- is that why you want it?" I crossed my arms, "To release demons into our realm?"

"It's a Morgenstern family heirloom- it belongs in the hands of its rightful owners." Jonathan stares at me, "Us."

I don't say anything.

"Your boyfriend is keeping an awfully close eye on you, isn't he?" Jonathan looked behind me, "Do you think he feels guilty about the fact that he can't do anything to help you? That his love for you isn't stronger than mine-"

"Jonathan, don't provoke me." I warned him, taking a step towards him, "I'm not here to chat- so, if you're not going to answer my questions, we're done here."

When he doesn't say anything, I turned to walk towards the door, but he stops me, "Wait."

I turn, as he sighs quietly, his eyes glued to me, "I'll tell you everything you want to know- if you just stay here a little longer."

"Alright-" I cross my arms, "I'm listening."

"I didn't even know you existed, Zee, 'til not so long ago." He admitted, "I'd been in Edom for what felt like an eternity."

"I always thought that Jace and I were the only ones- when we were younger, our father always kept me away from you two- you especially." Jonathan continued, "But- Lilith- she mentioned two other experiments- that was the first time I ever heard your name."

"Zee Morgenstern." Jonathan exhales slowly, "It was like music to my ears, I felt something that I had never felt before- hope."

"I don't want to hear about this-" I shook my head, "This has nothing to do with the sword-"

"Of course it does!" Jonathan shot back, "That moment changed everything for me-"

"When I met you, I realized how alike we were- how we both dealt with the struggles of having demon blood coursing through our veins- how we were both raised by the same sadistic father-" Jonathan's words were true, "I realized that you were the only person that I needed- I felt it."

"Finally, I had someone to fight by my side- not against me, not in spite of me." Jonathan told me, "But- with me."

"Everything I do, I do for you." Jonathan's voice went low, "I want the Morning Star sword for you- for us."

-

"What was so urgent?" Alec questioned Isabelle when he and I walked into the armory after receiving a fire message, "We're really business-"

"It's okay, I needed a minute anyways-" I said, stopping when I saw Simon next to me, "Simon?-"

Alec points, "What is he doing here?"

"I was able to de-crypt the chip I extracted from Sentry Greenlaw." Isabelle said, "I think it holds the key to breaking Zee's bond with Jonathan."

"What?-" I blink, "Wait- how?"

Alec looked at the screen as she pulled up the files, "Greenlaw smuggled out prisoner profiles?"

"And they're all Downworlders." Simon adds.

Isabelle looks between us, "They've been redirected from the Gard to project Heavenly Fire."

"Heavenly Fire- as in Glorious?" Alec recalled.

"If the sword still exists, there's a good chance it's being kept in the same facility where these prisoners are being sent." Isabelle explained, "This place is totally off the grid- the only way to find it is to get someone on the inside."

"But, not just anyone-" Simon interjected, "A vampire named Zeke Russo."

"Alright." I look between them, "Who's Zeke Russo?"

When Isabelle pulls up the file, Simon's face plastered right on it, I immediately shook my head, "No-"

Alec had the same reaction, "You're kidding me-"

Isabelle adds, "This file has all the specifications needed to guarantee a transfer to the facility-"

"No, okay- no." I shook my head again, my voice becoming more stern, "I can't let you do this- it's way too dangerous- and what if there's nothing to find?"

"What if there is something?" Isabelle looks at me, "We have to risk it, Zee-"

Simon cuts in, "I know the risks."

"Don't worry-" Isabelle grabbed the small box that held them, "I'll be following him with a Tracking Rune- plus, these Seelie rings will help us communicate telepathically."

"Seelie rings?" Simon repeats.

"These rings were used by Valentine to communicate with Hodge right under our noses-" Alec told him when Simon and Isabelle placed the rings on their fingers, "So, once Zeke's inside, all he has to do is get the sword?"

"Are you kidding?" I looked at Alec with slight wide eyes, "You can't be seriously siding with them on this-"

"If this is a chance to break your bond with Jonathan?" Alec stares at me, "We have to do it."

"The moment he has Glorious, I will be standing by with a team to extract him." Isabelle nodded towards us, then looked at me, "Trust me, Zee- we can do this."

-

[ alec's pov ]

"Are you sure you want to go back in there?" I asked Zee when we walked out of the elevator, walking towards Jonathan's cell where Jace stood.

"He won't talk to anyone but me- I don't have any other choice." She squeezed my hand lightly, "I'll be fine-"

When she walked away and toward the entrance, my phone buzzed in my pocket, as I answered it, "Hello?-"

"Yes, yes- I need- two dozen of roses by eight tonight, thank you-" I replied when I realized I was talking to the woman from the flower shop, hanging up before I reached Jace.

"Zee likes roses- why are you getting roses?" Jace's arms were crossed, his eyes on Zee in the cell with Jonathan, "And you're nervous- why are you nervous?"

"What?-" I stammer, "I'm- I'm not nervous."

"Yes, you are." Jace looked at me, staring at me, "What's going on?"

I swallow hard, before clearing my throat, "I'm, uh- going to propose to Zee tonight."

"What- are you serious?" Jace's eyes lit up, "Alec, congratulations! You're about to make Zee the happiest woman in the world."

"I'm hoping-" I rubbed the back of my neck, "I just want everything to- be perfect- for her, you know- she deserves- the best-"

"Listen to me." Jace put a hand on my shoulder, "It's not gonna matter what you do or what you say when she realizes she gets to spend the rest of her life with you."

-

[ zee's pov ]

"You're hiding something." I had taken off my jacket and leaned against the wall, my arms crossed, "What are you hiding?"

He shook his head, "I'm not."

"You don't want me to know what your plan is-" I inched closer to him, trying to taunt him, "It'll make me hate you-"

"You can't hate me." Jonathan shook his head at me again, "I'm your brother."

"Oh yeah?" I softly laughed, putting my hands on my hips, "Because- If I recall correctly- Valentine was my father- and I was the one who killed him. Oh- right, I killed you too-"

"Because you felt betrayed- but, now we're at a point where we can finally understand each other." Jonathan sighs, "I would never hide anything from you, Zee-"

I sigh through my nose and lightly shook my head, "So, how did you hear about the sword?"

"Mother." Jonathan grimaces, "She told me about it- I had been in Edom just a few years, and I was still naive enough to think that my time there was temporary."

I stared, "Go on."

"I kept begging for her to tell me a way to escape Edom- and- one day she did." Jonathan continued, "She spoke of a sword- that went by the name of the Morning Star- a sword that could tear a rift between the realms, but only someone who had Morgenstern blood coursing through their veins could wield it."

"She told me that not one Morgenstern alive cared enough to do so- to rescue me from Edom." Jonathan's face hardened, "She said no one loved me the way that she loved me, and it was best for me to stay with her- in Edom."

"I was in denial-" Jonathan scoffed to himself, "I would scream and shout- hoping that someone would hear me- but, no one ever did. No one came to save me-"

I took a few steps back, my eyes glued to him, not saying anything, my heart shattering at his words.

"Zee- are you okay?" Jonathan noticed my change of mood right away, "Zee?"

I didn't say anything else, walking out of the cell, walking back over to Jace and Alec.

"So, the sword can only be used by someone with Morgenstern blood-" Jace said when I stopped by them, "That's good news-"

"Which means it doesn't matter what he's planning." Alec nodded, "As long as we have him locked up in here- we don't have to worry."

"Yeah- yeah, we're- good-" I nodded lightly, inhaling sharply, walking away from them quickly.

-

"Zee?-" Jace walked into my apartment slowly, peaking his head through the door of Alec and I's bedroom, "Thought I'd find you here-"

I didn't say anything, surrounded by boxes of my old sketch books, having made a mess trying to find the one that I held, seated on the middle of the bed with it on my lap, tears in my eyes.

"What are you doing?-" Jace slowly walked toward me, shutting the door behind him, his eyes on me.

"Do you remember when I used to have- terrible nightmares when I first got here-" My voice was quiet, my eyes glued to the sketch, "When you guys slept in the room most nights so you guys could comfort me when I woke up crying- it'd take hours, but you guys would-"

"Of course I remember- Isabelle and I crashed on the floor all the time- we were always so sore-" Jace stood by my bed, his hands in his pockets, "Alec would always sit on the ground by your bed and hold your hand til you fell asleep every night until you could on your own-"

"I used to have the same reoccurring nightmare when I was younger- I would wake up screaming- and crying-" I got up, handing in the sketch book, "My mom told me to draw what I was seeing- that maybe it'd help me deal with it- but, it was weird- it was nothing I'd ever seen in a movie- or- read-"

Jace ran his fingers over the pencil markings, "You dreamt of a boy in a burning tower-"

"Yeah- god, it was so stupid- but, it terrified me." My eyes started to burn with more tears, "This boy- he was the prince- locked in the burning tower so that he could never love anyone else but the- evil queen that kept him trapped- and- I was supposed to save him-"

"I climbed the tower- and right as I'd reach the top, I'd fall to my death." I hugged myself, "I never made it to the top- I never- saved him-"

Jace realized where I was going at with this, a sigh leaving his lips, "The prince was Jonathan."

"That was a cry for help, Jace- he was- screaming out- and I heard him- I heard him, so many times- and I didn't- help him-" My voice became a whisper as I took a step back, my hand's shaking, tears falling from my eyes, "I didn't save him-"

"Zee, hey-" Jace set the book down and grabbed my arms gently, "Even if this was a message from the angels- god, you were just a kid- you were new to the Shadow World- you- lost your mother, and got exposed to- an entire new world after learning you'd been lied to about who you were your entire life-"

"That isn't an excuse-" I said to him, "If- I had known- if I just- paid more attention- pieced it together- if I could've saved him, then- maybe he wouldn't be who he is today- but- I didn't-"

"This is my fault- he's like this because of me-" I pulled away from Jace and turned my back to him, running my hands through my hair stressfully, "It's always my fault- every single time-"

"Hey, no- no- listen to me." Jace came in from of me, forcing me to look at him, his arms on my shoulders, "It was already too late- you couldn't have changed him, and you still can't."

"You were young- and learning how to adapt in your new world- you had too much on your plate." Jace pulled me into his chest as I bursted out into sobs, "Jonathan is who he is- and that is not your fault."

-

"So, you think this can separate Zee from Jonathan?" asked Clary as we were gathered around the table in the armory.

"I have to run some tests, but- yeah." Isabelle nodded lightly, "That's the idea-"

"Thank you- god, thank you so much-" I looked up at them, absolutely speechless, "Without you, we would have nothing-"

"Young, we'd do anything for you." Simon softly smiled at me, "Especially if it means disconnecting you from your creepy brother."

"Well, we have Heavenly Fire." Alec places a hand on my lower back, "We don't know where the Morning Star sword is, but- the only three people who can use it are right here at the Institute."

"Aldertree will be prosecuted for his crimes against the Accords." Isabelle told us, "And Jia is considering commuting Raphael's sentence, along with the other Downworlders now turned into mundanes."

Simon nodded, "It's the least they could do-"

"All right, well, if I'm no longer needed here, there's somewhere I need to be." Alec softly smiled, then looked at me, "I'll see you soon?"

"Soon- yeah." I softly smiled at him, closing my eyes when he kissed my temple, Jace shooting Alec an excited look as he left the room.

I exhale slow and took a step back, looking between everyone, "I'm- going to go see Jonathan-"

"I'll come with you." Jace offered.

-

"Don't-" Jace began when I pulled the gag off Jonathan's face, shooting him a look.

"What's wrong, Jace?" Jonathan slowly looked toward him, "Are you jealous of our bond, too?"

Jace clenched his jaw, "I feel nothing towards you."

I swallowed hard, holding the gag in my hands, looking at Jonathan, "We found a way to destroy the Twinning Rune- so, you won't be down here much longer."

"No-" Jonathan's expression dropped almost immediately, "It's not possible."

"It's more than possible." Jace taunted him, his arms crossed, "It's inevitable."

"No- you won't do it." Jonathan's eyes stuck with mine, "I have so much more to share with you-"

"I'm your brother." Jonathan was begging me at this point, "Zee, don't let them do this!"

"You almost killed my brother- you killed a dozen Shadowhunters, people we trained with- hell, you almost killed her- twice-" Jace stepped closer to her, "She wants you gone just as much as the rest of us."

"Let her speak!" Jonathan shouted at him.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan." I stood behind Jace, tears starting to burn in my eyes, "I'm- so sorry."

"I know you want me to be your person, but- not like this, Jonathan- not after everything that you've done-" I took a step back, my voice quiet, "I can't, I'm sorry-"

"No, no!" Jonathan called out after me when Jace took the gag from me and threw it on the floor, then knocked on the door, "Lilith was right- no one's ever coming for me, are they?"

That broke me.

"You were supposed to be my princess-" Jonathan's voice was as broken as I had ever heard, Jace pulling me out of the cell, "Zee?-"

"Zee- don't leave me!" Jonathan started to cry and scream, making me stop and stare at him through the glass, "Please, don't leave me!-"

When I took a step to go back towards the cell, Jace grabbed my arm, "Zee, stop-"

"He's my brother-" I tried to pull my arm from Jace, feeling an anger towards him for trying to stop me.

That was when I realized no matter how close we were to separating Jonathan and I, it would be too late.

Because I was at the edge.

I was so close to giving into the rune's influence.

"Zee, don't listen to him!" Jace grabbed both arms and pulled me into the elevator so I could no longer hear Jonathan's screams, snapping me out it.

-

"Hi!" I stumbled into our office, running my hands over my dress, an entire hour late to the dinner Alec had planned, seeing relief stretch over his features when he saw me, pushing himself up to stand up, "I made it-"

"I was- started to get worried-" Alec eyed me, looking just as worried as his tone made it seem, "I thought you stood me up-"

"I would never-" I walked toward him, pushing myself up onto my tippy toes to try and kiss him, but stumbling over my own feet, falling sideways.

Alec caught me quick, as I bursted out into giggles, throwing my head back, leaning all my weight on him.

Alec held me up, noticing my disoriented state right away, "Have you been drinking?"

"What gave it away?" I looked at him, then noticed the champagne on the table, "Oh!-"

Alec watched me pour myself a glass, blinking a few times, "How much have you had?-"

"I lost count after a few- uhm," I looked at him, sipping my drink, "Are you judging me?-"

"No- I'm just concerned." Alec didn't look happy, "I've never seen you like this-"

"Neither have I." I downed the rest, then poured myself another glass without hesitation.

Alec was caught off guard, "Did something happen?"

"Oh, you didn't hear?" I looked at him, starting to laugh, "I'm a screw up. And even when I don't mean to- I screw things up! Everything's always my fault-"

"And I'm just coming to terms with how- that's the only thing I'm good at- I mean, I can't even keep my own life together-" I took another sip of my drink.

Alec walks toward me, "Zee, you're not a screw up-"

"Oh, easy for you to say- because that's all you do- you talk- be my support system, right?" I called him right out, "You're delusional, Alec-"

"I don't understand- what're you talking about?" Alec's voice went low, "Nothing's your fault-"

"Oh yeah? Let's see-" I crossed one arm over my chest, sipping my drink, "I used the only wish from Raziel to bring my best friend back- but then, he got possessed- because of what I did- he almost killed you, and oh right, Magnus lost his magic to make sure I didn't lose anyone- but, then- I got kidnapped by my dead brother that was brought back to life after his life force was tied to mine- thought I killed Simon- lose my abilities and was presumed dead-, Magnus almost died trying to make me whole again- so he lost his magic twice- because of me!"

"And now- I find out that, the only reason that Jonathan is who he is because- I didn't save him- when I could've- but I didn't- so, that's just another thing to add to the list- the list that goes on, and on, and on-" I continued to vent, scoffing at myself.

Alec stares at me, not knowing what to say.

"But, you got what you wanted, right?-" I laughed, my hands on my head, looking at the sky, "You got your girl back- good for the sex and the company- everyone's happy, right?"

"You were never just sex and company to me- never, I thought- I thought you knew that-" Alec's voice shook, looking wounded, "Am I not doing enough to show you that?"

I looked at him, pursing my lips to hold back a laugh.

Alec stammered at me, being completely sincere, "All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy."

"Do I look happy to you?" I raised my voice at him, "We can- pretend we're happy, but you and I both know that this has been the worst milestone of our relationship- and you and I are both waiting for that ticking bomb to blow so this can all be over-"

Alec's voice broke, "Us?"

"I can't pretend anymore, Alec-" My eyes began to burn with tears, "I can't pretend that I'm happy- with you- or by being here- because I'm not- I'm not, because all it's been- is me trying to- fight- so hard- to not lose myself- to not- lose the woman that you fell in love with- but I already have."

When I took in the shattered look on Alec's face, guilt sprung in my chest, covering my face, "God- what am I doing?-"

"You put this beautiful night together and I'm picking a fight-" I rubbed my temples, "It's pathetic- I'm so sorry-"

"It's okay-" Alec swallowed hard and inched closer to me, putting a hand on my lower black, "You're just- you're going through a hard time."

"Alec- please." I couldn't look at him, hugging myself, "Don't make me pretend this is just a phase- because you and I both know it's not."

"Who knows if I'll ever be free of him- who knows if what Isabelle does will even work?" My voice got quieter and quieter with every word, "I don't think I will ever be your Zee again."

"No matter what I do, I will always be linked to Jonathan, and now?-" I breathed out, closing my eyes for a moment, "I'm tired of fighting."

We were both silent for a few moments.

But then I shook my head and pulled from his touch, turning to leave the balcony, "I should go- I'll just crash in Isabelle's room or something-"

"Stop-" Alec stepped in front of me, "Listen- Zee, I love you- can you just, I just want to help-"

"I know, Alec- I know- but you can't-" I tried to walk past him, starting to tear up more, wanting to just leave so he couldn't see me break for what felt like the hundredth time, "Just let me go-"

"Please, stop- just listen to me." Alec grabbed myself arms to stop me, "Listen to me for a second!-"

"Alec, let me go!" I started to cry, trying to push past him, "You can't help me-!"

"Just let me be here with you!" Alec was pleading, and pulled me into his chest, holding me tightly, "Please-"

I didn't fight any longer, as I collapsed into his arms, wailing and crying, gripping his middle, repeatedly apologizing as I cried.

authors note:

zee been treating alec like shit recently omg

it's making me really sad tho, he's just tryna be a good boyfriend and the rune's making her so mean slsksksks

also this is one of my favorite gifs ever

but omg a few chapters and this book is gonna end- i'm gonna cry </3

but, thank you for 119k !!

go read metanoia !

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