"I stand before my fellow Shadowhunters to receive the rune of the Angel." Clary recited as she stood on the higher platform, "I take this mark to honor Him."

I stood in the Accords Hall in Idris at Clary's rune ceremony, next to Alec, Isabelle and Jace.

"To bring His light into me." Clary continued, "To join the ranks of the Shadowhunters, the guardians of peace."

"This rune of Angelic Power is well-deserved and long overdue." Inquisitor Herondale smiles at her after the Silent Brother drew the Angelic rune on her arm, "You are no longer a Shadowhunter in training."

As we all applaud and Clary steps off to the side, Inquisitor Herondale stood still in front of everyone, "Before we fade into the crowd, there's one person I'd like to recognize."

This strikes confused within us all.

"Zee Young." Inquisitor Herondale announces, "Due to her heroic acts, she has successfully, singlehandedly, defeated our greatest enemy."

Alec places a hand on my back from next to me, softly smiling down at me proudly.

Except all I wanted to do was hide behind him because of how all the attention was on me.

"Valentine may have used the Mortal Instruments to raise the Angel Raziel, but Zee, you prevented a wish from being granted." Inquisitor Herondale smiles at me from the higher platform, "Zee Young, may your heroism be a shining example to Shadowhunters across the world."

The crowd erupted in applause, as Alec wrapped an arm around me and kissed my head.

I softly smiled, as Clary moves through the scattered crowd and over to Alec, Isabelle and I after Jace had disappeared into the crowd.

"Clary-" I wrapped my arms around her loosely, "Congratulations."

"Congratulations!" Isabelle congratulated her as well after I had pulled away, Clary thanking us.

Alec puts his hands behind his back, "How did it feel?"

"Uh- it hurt." Clary's answer made Isabelle and I laugh softly, "No, it was amazing- just, god- there's so many people here."

I cross my arms, putting my hair behind my ears, "Because they're here to celebrate you."

"And you!" Clary pointed out, "You saved us all."

"Clary-" I began shaking my head, inhaling sharply, "Today's about you, not me-"

"She's right." Isabelle grabs my hands, "You are the hero of Alicante- I mean, you went hand to hand with Valentine and killed him- so, stop being so modest."

I softly smiled at the both of them, not knowing what to counteract with.

Isabelle stepped back, "I'm gonna look for Mom."

Clary looks between Alec and I then clears her throat, "I'll come with you!"

"I'm really proud of you, I always knew that you would be the one to defeat him." Alec looked down at me, completely sincere, "But there's more to the story, isn't there?"

I stared at my accusing boyfriend, my breathing shaky as I looked down, "I told you everything I know, Alec."

I couldn't look at him stare in the eye and lie.

"Did you?" Alec shot back at me, "I felt Jace die."

I looked up at him, "I know you did, but-"

"He says he has no idea why, but- he's lying." Alec knew, "You almost died in front of me- Isabelle's rune was disappearing. How could he have no idea why I felt our rune vanish?"

"Alec, I really don't know what to tell you." I stammer, clearing my throat, "There's really nothing else."

"My parabatai rune disappeared." Alec looks between my eyes, and I could tell he knew I was hiding something, "How do you explain that?"

"Alec, please." My voice was quiet, "I don't know."

"Jace is alive." Alec sighs softly, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into him, "That's all that matters."

-

"Hey." I joined Jace in the Cemetery of the Disgraced where he stood alone, "You okay?"

Then, I noticed his parents' graves.

"This is the closest I've ever gotten to them." Jace held his necklace in his hands, "Too bad it's in the Cemetery of the Disgraced."

"They weren't bad people." I exhale deeply, placing a hand on his back, "They just made a terrible mistake- they put their trust in a lunatic."

When we both fell silent, I could only feel the guilt pooled and remained in my chest.

I broke the silence, "Jace, we have to come clean."

"About what I really did that night- what we've kept hidden." I inhale sharply, "How I used the only wish to bring you back to life."

Jace began shaking his head, "No, absolutely not."

"I know you asked for me to not tell anyone, but-" I dropped my hand, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration, "Alec's pressing on me about it and I-"

"You can't break." Jace looked at me, making himself clear, "You can't tell him."

"I can't lie to him, Jace." I stared at my best friend, "And I know he knows I'm lying, and I don't want him to doubt me."

I looked down at the ground, quietly adding in a mutter, "Especially after what happened."

Jace wasn't budging, "Telling Alec would be putting everything on the line, you'd be on the line."

"I don't care, Jace!" I shot back at him, my voice falling quiet, "We both trust him with our lives, why can't we trust him with this?"

"We both know if the Clave ever found out what we did, they'd lock you in the Gard for the rest of your life." Jace stared at me, "Alec wouldn't want to know if he knew that this would put you in harm's way."

My voice came out as a hurtful whisper, "I can't keep lying to him anymore."

"He's the Head of the New York Institute." Jace reminds me, "If he didn't report us to the Clave, he'd be as guilty as we are."

I sigh deeply and cross my arms, tears of frustration filling my eyes due to him using that against me, "Jace."

"We're protecting him but keeping him out of it." Jace put his hands on my arms.

I stubbornly muttered, looking down, "I don't care if the Clave throws me in the Gard."

"I'm not losing my best friend." Jace pulled me in for a hug, "No one can know, Zee."

-

A woman walked by me when I walked through Magnus' apartment, holding a bowl of pasta in my hands, "You've never let me down, Magnus."

I was dressed in black ripped jeans and a burgundy cropped t shirt, that ended right where my jeans began, a beige leather jacket and black combat boots. My hair was in it's wavy natural form today, and half of it was held up with a hair claw.

Magnus' voice filled my ears, "Break a leg."

"Uh-" I dodged the woman and entered the room Magnus was in, "Who's that?"

"Stella Woods, a longtime client and the lead in Wicked." Magnus got up, "She lost her voice- atouch of ground ox claw, some calcified lizard's feet, and she's back on the bill."

"It's been a long while since I've seen you with a client." I shoved some pasta in my mouth.

"Yes, well, it's frowned upon when you're the High Warlock, potential conflicts of interest and such." Magnus put things on his shelf, "But- since I've been dismissed, I'm free to see whomever I want."

"Dismissed?" I almost choked on the food I was swallowing, "Why were you dismissed- what happened?"

"While you were in Idris." Magnus looked at me through the items as he rearranged them, "The fallout from my decision to lend the warlocks' support to the Seelie Queen."

"I'm sorry." I sympathize, watching him, "You made that choice because of me."

"It wasn't your fault, biscuit- so, don't be sorry." Magnus simply smiled at me, "I'm not upset."

My eyebrows furrow, "You're not?"

"I'm actually elated." Magnus walks into his living room, "Shouldering the burden of all the warlocks in Brooklyn, it gets exhausting."

"I understand that-" I followed him, setting down my pasta, "I just thought this was important to you."

"What's important to me is I can see clients again." Magnus poured himself a drink, "Help them achieve their dream, and make a lot of money doing it."

I placed a hand on my hip and placed my fork in my pasta, "Oh."

"So, how was Alicante?" Magnus sat down and looked at me, "Was the ceremony nice?"

I softly smiled at him, "Before you ask- there was no glitter in sight."

"Really? Not even one person wore something sparkly?" Magnus leaned back against his seat, "That's- horrifying."

"It was a beautiful ceremony, though." I picked up my pasta, "I got- recognized."

Magnus sipped his martini, "For your bravery?"

"For killing Valentine." I put some pasta in my mouth, "It was nerve wracking with all the attention- and I didn't want to take away from Clary."

"What you did that night was- extraordinary, biscuit." Magnus showered me with appreciation, "You singlehandedly took out our unbeatable enemy- it's remarkable."

I wanted to tell him what I did.

But, I didn't.

Before I could reply, a fire message flew right by my face, as I immediately caught it.

"As much as I love being serenaded with your recognition and appreciation-" My eyes scanned Alec's writing, "My boyfriend needs me."

"Needs you how?" Magnus eyes squint in playfulness, as I shamefully, immediately got what he was implying.

"Not what you think!" I backed up to the door, "I'll see you later, ok- Mag?"

Magnus looked at me, "Mag?"

I shrug, "Like?"

"Love." Magnus sipped his martini as I snapped my fingers in victory, leaving his apartment.

-

"Girlfriend at your service." I peaked my head through the door frame of Alec's office, gently knocking on the door, then picking up the two coffees I brought.

Alec looked up from the tablet and softly smiled at me, getting up right away, "Hey-"

"Hi-" I walked in, meeting him half way and pushing myself onto my tippy toes, giving him a small kiss, then hand him the coffee I brought him, "I got you coffee 'cause I felt bad for having pasta without you."

Alec's lips dropped into a playful, wounded pout, "You had pasta without me?"

"I was really hungry." I said defensively, slipping on my iced coffee, "But, I promise we can go out for dinner later to make up for it."

Alec looked at the coffee in his hand, "This isn't making up for it?"

"Of course not-" I placed a hand on my hip, "I brought this because I also know you've been working all day and you need the delicious adrenaline kick."

"Thank you." Alec kisses my forehead, making me smile; pleased, as I walked past him, "Actually, I need to talk to you."

I sat on the arm of the couch, setting down my coffee on the table next to me, "Good talk or bad talk?"

"I'm not sure." Alec admits, worrying me as he set the coffee down and closed the door to give us more privacy, walking over and standing in front of me.

I looked between his eyes, "What's going on, Alec?"

"While we were in Idris-" Alec paused.

My eyes squint, "While we were in Idris?"

"I, um- I was offered a position on the Council." Alec told me, putting his hands behind his back, "A delegate, under the new Consul, Jia Penhallow."

"Alec, oh my god, congratulations!" I gasped in excitement for him, getting up, "That's amazing, Robert and Maryse must be so proud."

Alec bit his bottom lip, scanning my expression as if what he was about to say next would make it fade, "Actually, I haven't told anyone yet."

I question, "What- why?"

Alec took a deep breath, clearing his throat, "Well, it would mean moving to Idris."

My heart and expression dropped at his words for just a moment.

I was resilient, clearing my throat, "But- isn't that what you've always dreamed of?"

Alec looked between my eyes, noticing my expression drop, "I've always dreamed of meeting and loving someone like you."

My heart skipped a beat.

"Well, who would you appoint head when you accept the position?" I assumed he was going to accept it.

"You." Alec stares into my eyes, "I'd ask you to come to Idris with me, but- you've told me that this is your home, and I don't want to take that away from you."

My heart shattered.

He was my home, and wherever he was, was my home. Whenever I was with him, I was home.

My voice came out as a whisper, "You're my home."

"But, so is New York." Alec put a strand of my hair behind my ear, "And I know your heart belongs in this city- that's why you didn't go to Idris with your mother."

"I didn't go because of you, Alec." I placed my hands flat on his chest, "Because everything I needed was here and I couldn't bare the thought of leaving you."

Alec's hands found my waist, his eyes pouring into mine with understanding, "Zee."

But, I knew the words hit him hard.

I looked between his eyes, "You'd appoint me as head? You want me to run the Institute?"

"You're right for the job, Zee." Alec's expression was soft, "If I'm delegate, you're head."

"What about Iz?" I questioned, "Or Jace-"

"You." Alec stopped me, "In a heartbeat."

I didn't want him to go.

But, I couldn't ruin what he'd dreamed for.

I couldn't do that to him.

"I'd be only a portal away-" I trailed off in a dull, rambling tone, and looked away, "You know, when you're not busy- and I'm not busy."

"And when we're not exhausted or- if we don't speak the entire day because of how busy we both are." My voice got quiet, and you could hear in my voice I was dreading this, "But- you, you- deserve this."

Alec looked between my eyes.

The look in his eyes showed me that he wanted me to disapprove of him leaving and taking the position so he had an excuse to stay.

"I'm happy for you, Alec." I put on a smile, holding back tears, "I can't wait to see the look on everyone's face when you tell them."

Alec doesn't reply.

"Alec-" I held his face, the pained smile remaining on my lips, "Whether you're in Idris or in New York, I'm not going anywhere- I'm here for you, okay?"

-

"First, I thought it was purely mundane." Luke showed us the photos of the crime scene, "Woman's throat slashed with a knife, husband missing."

He points out, "Then I noticed the black capillaries around the wound."

Isabelle looks up, "Her attacker was possessed?"

Luke nods, "Most likely."

Alec mentions from next to me, "Maybe this has something to do with the Wraith demons that disappeared."

"Well, we'll know when we take it out." Jace replied, "Who's the possessed?"

"His name's Tim Dempsey." Luke pulled up his profile, "He's a pediatric nurse at St. Ambrose Hospital."

I point at them, "Magnus' friend Catarina works there."

Luke looks at me, "Why don't you go over there and see what you can find out?"

"All right-" I grabbed Alec's wrist, "Come on-"

-

Jace walks along side Alec, Isabelle and I through the halls of the hospital, "Labor and delivery?"

I shot him a look, "Tim Dempsey works on this floor."

"I need sugar." Isabelle randomly blurts out, as we all looked at her; confused, "I learned from my meetings that everyone has a different way of dealing with cravings- mine is candy."

Alec repeats, "Candy?"

Jace exhales deeply, "Careful, that stuff will kill ya."

"If anyone knows about living healthy, it's Jace." Alec remarks, "He miraculously came back to life."

I blinked hard, looking down.

"We've been through this." Jace shot back at him immediately, "I did not come back to life."

"Jace, I'm your parabatai." Alec argues, "I know when you're lying."

Jace replied, "I'm not lying to you, Alec."

Isabelle put her palm up, "Boys."

-

"Tim is a saint." Catarina looked at us from behind the counter, as we all stared at her.

"Seriously." Catarina continued, "The man brings his guitar every Tuesday to sing to the kids."

I press my palms together, "Did you notice any changes in his behavior yesterday?"

Jace follows up, "We're establishing a time-line for when the possession may have occurred."

"No, he was perfectly fine." Catarina leans in, "Of all the people, why the hell would a demon possess Tim?"

None of us had an answer for that.

Catarina looks at me, "How's Magnus doing?"

"Um, great." I trail off, "Why?"

"I've been worried about him." Catarina admits to me, "When we spoke last night, he was beside himself."

I was concerned, "Beside himself how?"

Catarina sighs, "Being the High Warlock meant everything to him."

"Really?" I blinked, feeling at unease with what I was hearing, "That's not what he told me."

-

Alec picked up the cue as we were at the Hunters Moon that night, playing pool, "How was your talk with Magnus?"

"It was a very emotional talk." I leaned my chin against my hands, that rested on the tip of my cue, "We both cried."

"I wondered why you looked like a raccoon when you got back-" Alec playfully joked as I hit his arm immediately, a soft laugh leaving his lips.

"How's the weather up there?" I picked at him for something else, setting down my cue and grabbing my drink from where our jackets rested, "Must be chilly."

"Wish it was as warm as it is for you down there." Alec teases me back with ease, making me playfully glare at him, him shooting a wink at me.

Alec bends, aiming, "Six ball, corner pocket."

I hum, sipping my drink, the alcohol sending a warm feeling through my body, "Good luck with that."

Alec shoots, the six ball disappearing right into the corner pocket, right as he said.

I looked at him, "I hate you."

Alec changed positions and aimed for another, "That's the alcohol getting to your head."

My eyes went wide with amusement, my voice going slightly deeper as I spoke from the back of my throat, "Oh?"

Alec shot another, as it landed in the pocket, as I cleared my throat, "So, have you accepted the position on the Council?"

"Not yet." Alec's tone changed, standing straight as he looked at me, "But- I told Aline I'd let her know tomorrow."

I stare at him.

I drowned the rest of my drink and set it down, squeezing my eyes shut for just a moment due to the burning, clearing my throat.

"Alec, I don't want to be Head of the Institute." I confessed to him, taking a step closer, standing completely still, "And, I don't want you to move to Idris."

"I know it's selfish, because you've dreamed about a position like this- ever since you were little, and you appointing me as the new Head is an outstanding opportunity, but, Alec-" I inhale sharply, "I don't want that- I don't want you to leave and I don't want to run the Institute."

Alec stares into my eyes, "Why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because this is your life, Alec, and I didn't want how I felt to affect your decision." I walked over to him so I stood directly in front of him, "Especially since this is something you've wanted for so long."

Small tears were in my eyes due to the guilt I felt.

"Zee, all I care about is how you feel." Alec leaned the cue against the pool table, "I didn't want to go to Alicante without you, but when I brought it up, you acted like you wanted me to go."

"One thing- you didn't know about me," I sniffled, crossing my arms, my voice quiet, "I took an acting class- and I passed with flying colors."

"I'm not going anywhere." Alec's eyes linger with mine, a small smile on his lips as my words as he grabbed my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

A tear slipped my eye, "Really?"

"Yeah." Alec swiped his thumb and wiped it away, "Remember when you didn't go to Idris for me?"

This earned a small laugh from me, sniffling, "Oh yeah, your debt is totally filled."

Alec softly smiled and laughed at my joke, then gently brought our faces closer and pressed his lips into mine.

authors note:

they are my heart

but awh, zee when she said she couldn't have alec doubt her because of what happened, my heart-

but, wow they're so cute ?

thank you so much for 21k!

go read metanoia !!!

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