I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling.

It was the next morning, and I should've been out of bed by now, but I hadn't left my room.

I missed breakfast, and hadn't moved an inch.

I was wearing one of Alec's sweaters that I had in my room as it fit me like a dress, the necklace he gave me around my neck.

Your neck looked a little empty without your mother's necklace around it.

My hair was in a messy low bun, making me think about how Alec once pointed that one of the ways he knew I was upset was that I tied my hair up before I went to bed when I was.

Tears filled my eyes, as I sat up slowly, putting the strands of hair that fell out of the bun behind my ears.

I looked around my room, memories of Alec and I flashing in my mind, the pain burning in my chest like an inextinguishable flame.

I could practically see the two of us smiling, laughing and in each other's arms with every glance.

I slowly got up from my bed, walking over to my desk, gently picking up my sketch book, sitting on the ground, crossing my legs, setting them down in front of me.

Tears began streaming down my cheeks, as I opened up my sketch book to the page where I had many doodles on out of boredom, my eyes falling onto the sketch of my name Alec had gotten tattooed.

I needed your sketch book for the exact sketch because Jace smudged the one you drew.

The pad of my finger touched the ink.

And I really liked the sketch so- I got it tattooed.

My eyes burned intensely as they filled with more tears, my heart aching in the most pain I'd ever felt.

Well, we're permanent, aren't we?

If only he'd known then what was going to happen.

I looked back, my eyes falling onto the book I was reading that day resting on my nightstand; the day he made that impulsive decision.

My eyes scanned the nightstand, the tube of mascara sitting a few inches away from it.

You look like a raccoon.

Flashes of Alec standing in front of me, holding my makeup wipes, a smile on his lips as he tried so hard not to laugh were engraved in my mind

So- that's where my bow and quiver went? I just had to take down a ton of Shax demons with my seraph blade because I had no idea where my bow and quiver went.

I could feel my heart shatter as I thought of that memory, feeling an undeniable pain.

Yeah, because couples in movies slaughter demons as their nightly job.

I slowly got up, wiping the tears that absorbed myself on my face, walking over to my closet, opening it to see the red shirt I had made Alec get hanging neatly.

You mean, you harassed me and said if I didn't buy it, you'd buy it for me.

I slowly pulled the red shirt off the handle and hugged it to my chest.

Yeah, I got that when you were marching your way to the cashier with the shirt in your hand.

My eyes scan my closet, taking notice of how half of my closet was neatly filled with my clothes and shoes, and half was his.

My hand touched the sleeve of one of his jackets. It was one of my favorites, because it was the one he let me wear on our first date. This jacket when through hell and back with me.

In all the mundane chick flicks you've showed me, I've seen this happen in all of them.

I bit my bottom lip, more tears filling my eyes.

First date accomplished, we're professionals.

My eyes fell onto the dress I wore to Alec's wedding.

I know the type of woman Zee is, just because Valentine is her father, does not mean she is anything like him, or is aiding him. I plan on growing a relationship with her, and if you have a problem with that, then I suggest you deal with it.

I hung the shirt back up, after the scent of him coming from both his sweater and his shirt overwhelmed me greatly, making me feel even more pain.

Zee isn't an affair. I have belonged to that woman completely ever since I laid eyes on her, and I have stuck with her- through hell and back. I love her more than anything in this world- and you have the nerve to compare my relationship with the woman I'm irrevocably and unconditionally in love with to your affair?

I closed my closet, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks as my thoughts trailed to when I had demon blood.

You can fight through whatever that demon blood is doing to you. Don't focus on the urge, focus on me, focus on us- fight it- I'm here.

I rubbed my temples, beginning to breath heavily, feeling angry, angrier than I had ever been.

I'm completely falling apart without you, since our fight, I haven't been able to think straight.

I was angry at myself for being such a screw up.

You said that you couldn't be with me because of your demon blood, what's stopping us now?

I walked over to my desk, grabbing one of my kindjals that sat on the surface.

I stared at the cool blade, the pain being too much.

It could all go away.

It could all go away with just one- just one, movement.

Look Zee, on every mission I've ever been on, I've never felt that type of fear, ever. Not knowing if you were alive or dead, I was terrified.

I walked over to my mirror, staring at myself, holding the grip of my blade tightly, aiming it right where I killed Sebastian.

I inhale sharply.

Zee, I love you.

Before I could even move, my door swung open.

My head snaps towards the door, and in the frame stood Isabelle Lightwood, her eyes wide with surprise, "Zee, oh my god."

The kindjal slips out of my hand and falls onto the ground, my eyes glued to her, tears burning in my eyes.

"Oh my god." Isabelle closed the door behind me and rushed over to me, wrapping me in her embrace.

I hugged back, my sobs muffled into her shoulder, tears streaming down my cheeks uncontrollably.

A few moments later I slip away, wiping away the tears that wouldn't stop coming, sitting on my bed, staring down at the ground.

"Zee- please," Isabelle picked up my kindjal and crouched in front of me, "I know how painful this must be, but- promise me that you won't hurt yourself."

"I promise." I sniffle quietly, not looking up at her, "I'm sorry- I don't know what got into me."

Isabelle sighs deeply, getting up and putting away my kindjal, sitting next to me, placing a hand on my back, "Talk to me."

I took in a shaky breath, tears pooling my already red tinted eyes, "Isabelle-"

"Zee, if you go through this alone, it'll only hurt more." Isabelle rubbed my back, "I know what you're feeling right now, and it hurts me knowing that both you and Alec are in that pain."

"I broke him, Iz." I exhale deeply, shaking my head in regret and hatred for myself, "Everything was falling apart and regardless, he supported me through it all, and then- I go and do this."

"It wasn't your fault, Zee." Isabelle grabbed my hand with her free hand, "That rune brought up feelings that were pushed down ages ago- it overwhelmed you and you couldn't control it."

"But, it still happened." I snapped at her suddenly, guilt rushing through me, "I just, I don't know how I messed something so good up."

Isabelle nods for me to go on, listening to every word I said, holding my hand and rubbing my back.

"I mean- when we were together, he would do just- the sweetest things." I reminisced, my voice breaking, "When I would accidentally fall asleep on the couch in his office after reading, he would cover me over with a blanket so that I didn't get cold, and let me sleep in there however long he's stuck working,"

The pain in my chest burned so much that it felt like it was blazing my lungs black.

"And whenever someone would come in to talk to him, he took them out into the hall and speaks with them there so they don't accidentally wake me." I continued, my lips twisting in a frown, a small sob leaving my lips, "And when he was done with the day, he carried me into his room and changed me into his shirt, and went to bed with me."

I added in, my voice filled with pain and hurt that I couldn't bear, "And he left little notes for me when he noticed I wasn't having the best day or if I looked tired- just so he can see me smile."

My voice went quieter as my chest felt heavier when I spoke, "Or- even before we were dating, he would protect me from Jace when he would be chasing me around with seraph blades when we were younger, or when I would have nightmares and he would sit by my bed all night and hold my hand until I fell asleep- I just, how did I manage to mess the best thing I could possibly have?"

Isabelle held my hand in both of hers, small tears in her eyes as she watched me, "Everything will be okay- you two love each other too much for something like this to get in the way of your future."

"Isabelle, there isn't a future for Alec and I anymore!" I cried out suddenly, sniffling, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "And it's all my fault."

"Now- I know what Valentine meant when he said to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed." I stared at the ground, fresh tears streaming down my cheeks as I finally looked up at my parabatai, "Because I destroyed the both of us."

-

"Anything new?" Isabelle asked and had a hand on my back comfortingly as we joined Alec, Jace and Clary in the Ops Center a little later that day.

I had finally stopped crying, and hadn't eaten anything despite Isabelle's protests, remaining in just Alec's sweater and shorts, walking barefoot throughout the Institute.

I just didn't care enough to do anything to my appearance.

I sat down in the chair, rubbing my eyes with my sleeves, and I could feel Clary and Jace stare st me sympathetically.

But, more importantly, I could feel Alec's stare on me from where he stood next to Isabelle.

"No-" Jace shook his head, "Magnus's wards are up, Valentine must still be in the city."

Isabelle sighs deeply, "Thank the Angel for Magnus and the warlocks."

"They didn't raise the wards for us." I remarked quietly, and put the strands that fell out of the low messy bun behind my ears.

"Teams are out doing block by block sweeps throughout the city." Isabelle assures us, but mostly me, "We'll find him."

"Hey," Jace moves around the table and to my side, placing a hand on my back, his voice quiet, "You okay?"

"I killed my brother after finding out my father brutally tortured my mother more than just physically, I didn't tell one of my closest friends about something so serious that without that knowledge, could've potentially killed him and now he has sided with the Seelie Queen, I kissed my best friend because of a stupid rune and I've been dumped." I listed off quietly for just him and I to hear, looking at him, "How do you think I feel?"

Jace's moves his hand to my shoulder, caressing it with his thumb, "I'm sorry."

"Jace, I love you, but-" I inhale sharply, "Do you really think it's the best idea to be this close to me when we're the reason I'm not in a relationship anymore?"

"You're right." Jace dropped his arm and stood up.

Clary joins us, "Zee, are you okay?"

"You know what?" I cover my face in my hands in slight frustration, "I'm fine, I'm okay- just, everyone- just drop it."

From a distant, I heard Alec and Isabelle's quiet voices, making fear intensify in my chest.

"Alec, that woman threw herself off a bridge to get back the necklace that you gave her." Isabelle whispered shouted to her older brother, "She loves you so much, and nor Zee or Jace meant for that kiss to happen."

"Izzy." Alec quietly sighs, "I can't help but think that one day, maybe- if there was ever a chance for them, she would go to him."

"Are you kidding me?" Isabelle shot back at him in a quiet tone, and I could feel their stares on me to make sure I wasn't listening, "Alec, you are her heart and soul- are you really going to stand here and tell me she doesn't love you as much as you love her?"

"It hurts, Izzy." Alec whispers to his sister and you could practically hear the pain in his voice, "I never thought of Jace as a threat, but now-"

"Jace isn't a threat, Alec." Isabelle hushed him, "He pushed Zee to admit her feelings for you- why the hell would he want to take her from you?"

This made Alec go quiet.

"Jace and Zee don't feel anything for each other, Alec." Isabelle made it clear, "Zee loves you, and I know you love her more than anything in this world."

Alec's voice came out as a mumble, "Of course I do."

"Talk to them." Isabelle persuades her brother, "Fix things with Zee- because, I don't think I've ever seen her in more pain than she is now."

When Alec doesn't reply, I only assumed he reacted with a facial expression.

"I walked in on her this morning- she wasn't in the best state." Isabelle admitted to him quietly, "She had her blade right over her heart- if I hadn't walked in when I did-"

Then I felt Alec's burning stare on me.

Saving me from the burning tension, the alarms start to blaring, red lights flashing throughout the Institute as Alec took a moment to react, clearing his throat, "Aerial sensors."

Clary was quick to ask, "Is it Valentine?"

"No." Isabelle looked at the screen as I looked at them from where I sat, "Could be some kind of wraith demon."

Everyone was on the move, but I got up and grabbed Isabelle's wrist before she could follow Alec, Clary and Jace, "I'm coming with you."

Isabelle stares at me for a moment, "Are you sure?"

I exhale deeply, giving her a nod, "I need the distraction."

-

Alec, Isabelle, Jace, Clary and I ran through the streets of New York, holding our weapons ready.

I had changed into black skinny jeans, an olive green tank top tucked into them, along with a black leather jacket and black combat boots, this being the first thing I had put on, on such short notice.

I had taken my hair out of the bun and used a hair claw to clamp half of my wavy hair up, the daylight exposing the bags under my eyes, and the slightly red skin around my eyes and my nose.

The daylight exposed how terrible I looked since the break up with Alec.

"Where is it?" Jace questions when we stood in the middle of the intersection, our backs to each other as we were huddled together, looking around for the shrieking demon.

"It should be right on top of us." Alec said to Jace for the first time in a while, catching Jace slightly off guard.

Jace sees the demon flying the air, but it quickly hides behind a building, circling around us, "Alec!"

Isabelle breathes heavily, "I've never seen a demon like that."

I suddenly yell out when I caught a glimpse of the demon, my voice strained as I did, "On your six!"

As we all moved so Alec could see, the demon disappeared again, Isabelle looks around, "Can you see it?"

Clary was frustrated, "What the hell is it waiting for?"

Alec has his bow and arrow aimed at the sky, "It's coming around for another pass."

When Isabelle notices the demon, she calls out for Alec when it starts charging itself towards us, "Alec!"

"Relax." Alec kept his aim straight, "I got this."

When he let go, the arrow pierced through the demon, as it teared up into smaller versions, falling onto the ground.

Just as thought that we had taken care of it, the demons got up and began running off.

"Over there!" Alec shouts, as we were all moving in circles, except the demons were too fast.

Clary yelped the obvious as the demons disappeared from our sight, "They're splitting up!"

-

"At least four demons are still unaccounted for." Alec said out loud as we all followed him through the street, "Notify all available personnel."

"What's wrong?" Jace notices the look on Clary's face when she hung up the phone on whoever she was talking to, "Is everything okay?"

"That was Luke." Clary sighs deeply as we all came to a stop to look at her, "Valentine's on his way to Idris."

My eyes slightly widen, "What?"

Isabelle was just as shocked, "How?"

"He made a deal with the Seelie Queen." Clary put her phone away, "Luke's warned all the other Downworld leaders."

Jace mutters, "Damn Valentine-"

"If Valentine gets to that lake-" Isabelle began.

"He won't." Alec stopped her from going any further with that sentence, "Malachi's army is armed and waiting for him."

"We need to warn him." Clary shot back at him, "Who knows how many Circle Members will be there?"

"If we lower the wards, these demons can get out." Isabelle shook her head lightly, "Spread beyond the city."

"Theoretically, my portal rune can pierce through the wards since it's not- any normal portal." My face remained straight, my tone bland, "I'll go."

"I'll go with you." Jace offers, looking at me, "Valentine is so close to everything he's ever wanted, he will kill you on sight if you try to stop him."

"I can handle myself." I roll my eyes, taking a step back, "I'll kill him like I killed Sebastian."

Clary stares at me in protest, "Zee."

"We can't all go." Alec inhales sharply, his stare burning onto the three of us, "The demons need to be dealt with."

"Clary and I'll go with Zee." Jace set it straight as I rolled my eyes and turned away from them, "You two stay here, slay the beasts."

Alec was in agreement, "Fine."

I inhale deeply, my eyes glowing gold as my portal rune shined in front of me. I pushed the rune toward with my palm, the gold portal shining right in front of us.

Right as I took a step towards the portal, Alec's voice makes us all stop, "Hey-"

I looked back at him and realize he was looking right at me, speaking to me for the first time since we broke up, his eyes glued to mine, his voice soft and gentle, "Be careful."

"Likewise." I couldn't help but reply in the same tone, holding eye contact with him for as long as I could before turning and heading through the portal.

"Where's the army?" Clary asks when her and Jace follow me and come out of the other side, looking around to the lack of people.

Jace sighs, "We're still a hike away from Lake Lyn."

"I guess my navigation's still off." I muttered, huffing deeply, "We need to hurry."

Jace was in agreement, "We can't let Valentine reach the lake."

-

Jace, Clary and I walk towards the army of Shadowhunters, that were scattered in the settlement, as Consul Malachi stepped out of the tent, two guards stood behind him.

"Consul Malachi." Jace stood in front of him, "Jace Herondale of the New York Institute."

I put my hands behind my back, "Zee Young."

"Clary Fairchild." Clary does the same.

"I know who you are." Consul Malachi looks between us all, unamused.

"Valentine is on his way to Lake Lyn." I informed him, "He has the Mortal Sword and the Cup."

Consul Malachi seemed unaffected by this information, "Yes, I'm quite aware of Valentine's progress."

"We need to get to the water." Jace said, "Now."

Consul Malachi inhales sharply, shaking his head, "I'm afraid that's not gonna happen."

That's when we all notice the Circle rune on the beer of his neck, as Jace yells it out as the guard began grabbing us, "You're a Circle member!"

"Get off me!" I shouted, trying to fight out of their grips, while the two guards held me.

Clary tried to fight as well, "Let me go!"

"You can't- let go of me!" Jace shouts as they pull us all into the tent, preventing us from stopping Valentine.

-

"Do you have any idea how many speeches I've heard Malachi give?" Jace scoffs in disbelief and anger as Clary, Jace and I were all chained to a metal pillar in the tent, our backs to each other, "How many times I've heard him preach loyalty to Clave above all else under the Angel?"

Jace stared ahead in frustration, "And all along he's he's been working with our greatest enemy."

Clary exhales deeply, "How does the Consul, the leader of the entire Clave, end up a Circle member?"

"Valentine threatened to wipe out any Shadowhunters who opposed him." I stated the obvious, "Malachi's just trying to save his own ass."

Clary looked down, "And sit back while everything around him is destroyed."

Then, Consul Malachi walked into the tent, his hands behind his back.

Jace looked at him in hatred, "How could you side with him?"

"There is only one side- the side of the angels." Consul Malachi spat back and crouched between Jace and I, "Valentine is only doing what the Clave has been trying to accomplish for centuries: eradicate demons."

"The angels would never be in favor of killing millions of innocent Downworlders along with demons." I snipped at him, my teeth gritted, "That's only you trying to convince yourself that what you're doing is right."

Consul Malachi faced me, "When Raziel created the first Shadowhunter, there was no such thing as Downworlders."

"But- over the centuries, disgusting half-breeds emerged." Consul Malachi continued in disgust, "Warlocks, vampires, Seelies, werewolves- they banded together, grew more powerful."

"Finally they will be destroyed." Consul Malachi nodded toward the guards behind him as they grabbed Jace, Clary and I, dragging us out the tent, "And so will you."

-

"Let me go!" I grunted through my gritted teeth as the guard threw me to my knees forcefully, holding me in placing in front of a tree stump.

We were surrounded by a few guards, two holding Jace on his knees, two holding Clary, and one behind me, Consul Malachi joining us with another at his side.

Jace stares at me, whispering to me in assurance, "It's gonna be okay."

I stare back at him, my voice quiet, my face remaining straight, "You don't have to lie to me."

For some reason, it was like after losing Alec, nothing that happened to me mattered anymore.

Even my own death.

Consul Malachi exhales deeply, looking right at me as he came to a stop, "Your father won't approve but he'll understand your deaths were a necessary sacrifice."

I scoff, "For mass genocide?"

"You're the Consul of the Clave." Clary had tears of fear in her eyes, "How can you let this happen?"

"Cleanse the world of demons?" Consul Malachi shot back at her with spite, "How can I not?"

"Proceed!" Consul Malachi yelped and stepped back, as the guard that stood behind him trading places with the guard behind me, and used his foot to slam me against the stump, my necklace making a sound as it hit the wood.

Jace's voice sounded broken, frightened and pleading when the guard picked up an axe, "No!"

A tear fell Clary's eye, "No, please!-"

I felt the cool sharp metal against the back of my neck, being a mental countdown to chop my head off at three.

My eyes were glued to the small gold heart on the end of the gold chain of my necklace, as it rested on the stump due to my head leaning against it.

Despite the tears in my eyes, I felt calm.

Alec, you are her heart and soul.

I just hoped that one day Alec would forgive me for what I had done to hurt him.

Suddenly, there was grunts and screams, the sound of chains breaking and swords swishing, my eyes snapping up to see Jace's eyes gold, fighting off two guards.

My eyes shifted to Clary, who held a seraph blade and was fighting off the guard that had been holding her.

The guard behind me had stopped, being caught off guard as my eyes glowed gold on cue, turning myself, leaning against the stump and kicking the axe out of his hands, pushing myself up and spin kicking him in the face.

The guard pulled out his sword, another guard joining him as they stood in front of me, both of them swinging their blades for my head.

I duck quickly, Jace using the seraph blade he had acquired to break the chains around him wrist, placing the blade in my hand.

I flip it in my hand, grunting as I fought off the two guards, killing them both in one swift movement.

When I turned, Jace was standing over Consul Malachi after he had screamed and fell to the ground, all the guards killed.

"Wait-" Consul Malachi begged, "Please wait!"

Jace slit his throat, "That's the last and only time you'll threaten the life of someone I love."

Clary dropped the sword and threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly, "Thank god you're okay-"

I hugged back with one arm, my other hand holding the blood dripping sword, holding onto her for a few moments before pulling away.

I took a step closer towards my best friend, his back remaining towards me as he stared at Consul Malachi, life slipping away from him, "Jace."

Jace drops the sword and rushes over to me, hugging me, "Are you okay?-"

"I'm okay, Jace-" I hugged back tightly.

"You're okay-" Jace breathes heavily, holding me as tight as ever, rubbing my back.

I slowly pulled away, grabbed my kindjals from the ground that they had confiscated, "We have to go."

-

"Are we too late?" Clary quickly asked as we came to stop in front of Lake Lyn, the darkness of the night covering us like a blanket as we looked around to see no one but the silhouettes of trees.

"No." I did a whole 360, "No, if he'd raised the Angel, we'd know it."

"We beat him here." Jace looked us both with hope, "We can stop him."

Unexpectedly, Valentine caught us all off guard, appearing out of no where, grabbing Jace by the shoulder, making him face him and stabbing a knife right through his heart.

My kindjals slip from my hands, a pain striking in my pain like something was cutting into it.

Valentine stares at Jace, "I'm sorry, son- I had to."

"What have you done?" My voice varied as I let out a scream towards my father, rushing over to the falling, bleeding out Jace, "What have you done?"

I fell to my knees next to Jace, tears present in my eyes, Clary falling on his other side, "Jace, it's gonna be okay-"

Jace's voice was quiet, tears filling his own eyes, making my heart break even more, "I'm so sorry."

"Save your breath, don't say anything." Clary was in tears as well, sniffling, "You need your strength."

"It's gonna be okay!" I pulled out my stele, my hands trembling as I wanted to try and Irazte the deep wound on his heart, "It's gonna be fine-"

But, Jace grabs both my hands gently in his large one, making me freeze, his voice quiet as he looked at me, "It's okay."

"Jace, no-" I began shaking my head, tears streaming down my cheeks, "I have lost so much in the past few days- I can't lose you too."

I couldn't bare the pain of losing my best friend as well. I couldn't.

"Best friends til death do us part, right?" Jace softly chuckles at the pact we made when I first arrived at the Institute, and his words were shredding through my already broken heart, putting it in ten times more pain than it already was.

The stele slipped out of my hands as I held his hand between both of my mine, "Jace, no, please-"

Jace looks at Clary, choking on his last breaths, his eyes glued to hers, "I love you."

I looked between them both in slight shock.

His last words; he told her he truly did love her.

Just as I truly loved Alec.

"Don't close your eyes." Clary's voice began shaking, "Please don't close your eyes."

When Jace does, fresh tears burn in my eyes, "No, no- stay awake, just a little longer, please-"

Clary cries into Jace's chest when he closes his eyes, taking his last breath, "Please come back!"

I stare at my father that I felt nothing but hatred for, "How could you do this? How?"

"Zee, I- I'm sorry." Valentine mustered out, as if he was in just as much pain, "I had no choice."

"First, you leave Jonathan-" I stood up, letting go of Jace, "Then you kill Jace? What kind of father are you?"

Before I could make any movements, Clary was charging toward Valentine, him knocking the both of us out cold.

-

I groan lightly due to the pain present in my head when my eyes cracked open, my eyes staring up into the darkness of the night.

I slowly sat up, noticing how my wrists and ankles were chained, my eyes falling onto Jace's dead body, Clary still out cold a few feet away from him, chained up like I was.

My eyes shifted back to Jace, never thinking ever that I would have had to said this for my best friend, "Ave atque vale."

My head turns, seeing Valentine inch closer to Lake Lyn with the Soul Sword and the Mortal Cup in his hands.

I shouted right away, "Stop!"

"Good, you're awake." Valentine set them down and looked back at me, "Just in time to see history being made."

"You killed Jace." Tears were brimming in my eyes at the slight thought of it, "How could you do such a thing?"

Valentine was honest, "I'm certain he would have stopped me if I hadn't."

"Then you should've killed me along with him." My teeth gritted tightly, "The day I was poisoned with Ravener venom, you had us all fooled by being Michael Wayland. I swore to you that I'd kill you."

"You're too weak to kill blood." Valentine scoffs at me in humor, "Despite the darkness in your heart, you fight through with goodness."

"If that were true, I wouldn't have been able to kill Sebastian!" I shouted at him, tears burning in my eyes at his hurtful words, "I murdered him with my bare hands."

Valentine only seemed pleased by this, staring at him in astonishment, "You truly are my daughter."

A tear fell from my eye, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"No matter how hard you try to be good, no matter how much you fight through it, the darkness will always be a part of you. It will always overpower you." Valentine scoffs at me lightly, stepping back, "It's in your blood."

This made me go dead silent.

My eyes trailed to Jace.

"Zee, I loved that boy." Valentine noticed my eyes shift, "Like I loved Margaret."

"Is this what you call love?" I snapped at him, glaring at him with tear filled eyes, "They're both dead because of you."

Valentine inhales sharply, "See, their deaths were necessary sacrifices, if I'm going to save humanity- if I'm going to save my family."

"Don't lie to me." I shook my head, looking down at my chained wrists, "You've never loved anyone but yourself."

Valentine walked over to me, crouching in front of me and putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "If that were true, then why do you think I've kept you alive?"

"Kept me alive?" My eyes were glued to his, hatred burning in them like scorching flames, "You've almost killed me, twice!"

My anger only grew, "If you're doing this to keep your family safe, what's the worth when we're all dead?"

Valentine sighs deeply, getting up and walking over to the lake, grabbing the Mortal Cup and the Soul Sword, entering the water til it reached mid calves, letting go of the Mortal Instruments.

"Raziel, hear me!" Valentine shouted into the cold night, the water beginning to glow, "I call upon the Mortal Instruments and summon you into this mortal realm!"

Then, Angel Raziel rose from the water, shining a light so bright that it lit up the sky.

"No, no, no-" I began try to get out of the hold of the chains, clenching my teeth at the pain.

"It has been a thousand years since I was last summoned to this place." Angel Raziel recalled, "Why do you summon me now, Nephilim?"

Valentine breathes heavily, "My Lord Raziel, the great men and women in the lineage of Shadowhunters, which you have created here, have failed in their mission to rid this world of demon scum."

By now, Clary had woken up as well and was trying to get out of the chains she was tied in.

"I see you are impatient." Raziel took notice, "What is it you ask of me?"

Valentine began smiling wickedly, "The immediate death of all evil-blooded creatures, demon and Downworlder alike, as well as the disloyal Shadowhunters who protect them."

"The destruction of the souled creatures of the Downworld, and of our own Nephilim?" Raziel realized what he wanted, "That is not Heaven's wish."

Valentine's expression dropped, "What?"

My eyes began to glow gold, my strength rune activating as I broke out of the chains, throwing them to the side and forcing myself up.

Raziel continued, "But, thou who spills thy blood thou shalt compel from me an action."

As Valentine pulled out his blade and reached to cut his palm, I grabbed him by his shoulder and threw him back, breathing heavily.

Angel Raziel had disappeared, except his light was still present, showing us that he was still here.

Valentine got up, jerking his blade to stab me, as I blocked it, punching him in the face.

My eyes fell onto my kindjals that rested a few feet away from us, hidden behind a rock, where Valentine had put them.

I elbow him in the face, throwing him onto the ground, grabbing my kindjals, flipping them in my hands as I stood in position, staring at my father.

Valentine forced himself back up, swinging at me as I dodged it, his knife hitting against my kindjals.

Valentine grabbed me and threw me to the ground, my face slamming against it, my head hitting a rock.

My head ached in pain, along with my entire body, as small tracks of dirt and cuts on my face were present, the side of my head beginning to release blood down.

I pushed myself up, spinning and swinging towards him, him blocking my swing with his knife.

I kicked my foot up, knocking the knife out of his hands, as he caught me off guard, punching me in the face and grabbing one of my kindjals, piercing it right through my middle.

I let out a scream in pain, as it echoed.

"I've worked too long- I've sacrificed too much to let anyone stand in my way." Valentine pushed the blade through me fully, "Even my own daughter."

I grunted, using the kindjal in my hand to slit his throat, Valentine's eyes widening when I had done this.

So much for being weak.

His grip loosened on the kindjal he held through my body, as I pierced the one in my hand through his chest.

I pulled the one out of me, stabbing through my repeatedly, kicking him to the ground with a grunt, his eyes wide as he held his bleeding neck.

I flipped the kindjals in my hand and stabbed them right through him, making sure that as his life slipped away from him, whatever seconds he had left were filled with pain and agony.

Valentine's body goes limp, his blood scattered over my face along with my own.

I grabbed his knife off the ground and ran to the water, jerking to a stop right at the end of the shore, cutting my palm and letting my blood drip into the lake.

Clary threw her chains to the side after she had gotten out of them by using Jace's stele, on her knees by him as she watched me, her eyes filled with tears.

Angel Raziel rose once more, "Angel-blooded one."

"I don't want Downworlders to die!" I cried out, breathing heavily, preventing this from happening being my first priority, ignoring how I could feel my life slipping away from me as well, "Please, you can't let them die- I want another wish!"

"You may compel me to one action, Zee Morgenstern." Raziel's voice echoed through my head, "What is it that you ask?"

I didn't reply.

"If you have a desire, ask me now." Raziel pressed, "And be wise- I will grant but one."

I paused and looked back at a wide eyed Clary and a dead Jace.

I looked at the water, many thoughts running through my mind.

There was a number of things I wanted.

I wanted Alec and I to be okay.

I wanted for what happened between Jace and I to never have happened.

I wanted Magnus to forgive me.

I wanted my mother back.

I wanted my brother and father to be good people, even if they were dead.

I could even alter reality, and go back to my mundane life.

But, what I chose was on impulse.

What I chose was what overpowered everything.

I wanted my best friend back.

"Jace." I looked up at Raziel, "Bring Jace back!"

There was a sound of rushing air, Raziel disappearing, darkness present in the night.

"Jace?" Clary shook him on the ground as I held my bleeding wound, feeling exhausted as ever, "Jace?"

Jace's eyes opened, blinking in confusion, his eyes landing on her, "Are you okay? Where's Zee?"

Clary exhales deeply in relief, "Oh my God-"

I watched them, my breathing becoming slower with every moment, relived.

Clary didn't think much of it.

Because she didn't know the consequences for doing such a thing as using the only wish.

If the Clave ever found out, I would be locked up in the Gard for the rest of my life.

I made that sacrifice.

"What happened?" Jace slowly sat up, his eyes falling onto me, shifting between us both.

"You're alive." Clary softly smiled, sniffling, "Valentine raised the Angel."

I finally spoke, my voice quiet and strained with exhaustion, "I used the wish to bring you back."

Jace slowly pushed himself up, his eyes glued to me, "You could have had anything else in the world and you chose me."

I let out a weak whisper, "You're my best friend."

Nor could I just watch Clary cry over Jace when I knew I could do something about it.

Jace wasted no time to pull me into his chest and hug me tightly. I hugged back with one arm.

I was in pain, but I said nothing about it.

Jace held me for a few moments, "Bringing people back there's always a consequence-"

"Not this time." Clary joined us, putting a hand on his arm, smiling towards me, "This is a miracle."

I slowly pulled away, my eyes falling onto my dead father. I had killed him.

Suddenly, footsteps approached us, Magnus, Isabelle and Alec coming into sight, as he looked frightened until he saw Jace and I, "They're okay-"

"Jace, I- I thought you were dead." Alec's voice was muffled in my ears, "Our rune- it disappeared."

Jace exhales deeply, his voice sounding distant even if he was right next to me, "Look at it now."

Alec's voice was just as distant, "How?"

Before any of us could reply, Jace's voice faded, as an the pain I felt became to overwhelming, "I don't know."

Isabelle hisses suddenly, letting out a small grunt in pain, her hand immediately going to her parabatai rune.

My wound was too serve for my abilities to work, or for just an Iratze to heal me.

Isabelle's eyes widen when she sees her parabatai rune slightly burning red, revealing that I was dying.

My eyes roll to the back of my head, as I collapsed onto the ground, Isabelle letting out a cry of pain, feeling me slip away.

Alec's eyes instantly widen along with everyone else's, as everyone fell to my side.

"Move- move!" Magnus' voice was distant, my vision blurry as I could barely keep my eyes open, "Biscuit, hang on-"

Alec's quick but gentle hands pulled up my tank top slowly, revealing the deep wound on my middle, "Magnus, please- you have to do something-"

His words made my heart jump.

"Zee, Magnus is gonna help you, just hold on a little longer." Isabelle's hand was on my head, using her thumb to caress my hair, the other over her parabatai rune.

I knew she could feel the pain.

Suddenly there was darkness.

I could no longer hear anyone's voices.

I could only feel someone grab my hand tightly.

A hand that was all too familiar.

Alec's.

This brought me back.

Jace's voice filled my ears, as it started to come closer and closer, "Come on, Zee- come on-"

"She's waking up-" Clary's voice followed his.

My eyes slowly open, blinking a few times, trying to focus my blurry vision, seeing my friends all hovering over me.

I was in pain, but not as much as I was before.

Magnus had saved my life.

Isabelle places a hand over her heart, sighing deeply, "She's okay-"

Alec let go of my hand right when he saw I was awake, getting up, clearing his throat, wiping his eyes as he turned away from us.

"You're okay, now-" Magnus helped me stand back up along with everyone else, placing his hands on my arms, "It's all okay, biscuit."

My voice came out raspy, "We're okay?"

"You saved my people- you saved me, biscuit." Magnus pulled me into his chest, "We're okay."

Jace looked at Valentine's dead body, "It's over."

-

I stood between Isabelle and Magnus that night in the Hunters Moon, a drunk Luke popping another bottle of champagne, "To the Downworld!"

I was dressed in a deep red long sleeve, ruffled wrap dress, one that ended mid thigh, having on black ankle strap heels, my hair straight.

"To the Downworld!" We all cheered, holding up our glasses of champagne.

Luke practically giggled, "To the Shadowhunters!"

"To the Shadowhunters!" We cheered again, sipping on the champagne as we all formed our own conversations.

Isabelle places a hand on my back, "I'm really glad you're okay, Zee."

"Iz." I faced her, "I don't know how to thank you."

"Thank me?" Isabelle places her champagne down as well as I do, "Thank me for what?"

"For helping me through everything." I grabbed her hands, "Isabelle, these past few days have been hell for me, and I don't know what I would've done without you by my side. I knew there was a reason you were my parabatai-"

"That's just it." Isabelle squeezes my hands, "You're my parabatai- I will always be there for you, Zee- at your beck and call."

"God, I love you so much-" I threw my arms around her, holding her tightly, tearing up slightly because of how much I loved her.

"I love you too." Isabelle held me tightly for a few moments, pulling away, wiping her eyes gently and picking up her champagne, smiling and gesturing behind me, sipping her champagne and walking away.

I turned to see Magnus, who stood behind me with a smile on his face, picking my champagne up and handing it to me, "How are you, biscuit?"

"Now that we're friends again?" I inhale sharply, "Great."

"Biscuit." Magnus softly chuckled, "I meant physically- you were almost died."

"But, you saved me." I pointed out, putting a strand of my hair behind my ear, "I'm okay, Magnus."

"I don't know, I just- heard you scream when we arrived at Idris, we all did-" Magnus looked down, staring at his feet, "Alec went gray, Isabelle was rushing towards the scream- and I should've left because we saw that Valentine had raised the Angel."

I stared at him, "Why didn't you?"

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something had happened to you." Magnus admits quietly, "Especially with where we left things off."

"Magnus." I place a hand on his shoulder, "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Magnus exhales deeply, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I apologize back, sharing a hug with him, holding him tightly.

"Have you spoken to Alec yet?" Magnus kisses my head and pulled away, "He's been meaning to talk to you."

I did a double take, "Really?"

Suddenly, Luke was stumbling over to me, throwing his arms around me, "Zee, you sweet, sweet girl!"

"Oh!" I gasped in surprise, setting my drink back down, as he leans into me, squeezing the life out of me so much so that I was lifted off the ground.

Magnus shot me a smile, backing away from Luke and I, signaling to me that we would talk later.

"Luke, you're wasted-" I slipped from his grasp, "Oh, look- there's Clary! Go give her a hug-"

Drunk Luke cheers and stumbles away, and over to Clary to smother her in his embrace.

I grabbed my drink, heading Alec's soft voice next to me suddenly, catching me completely off guard, "Hey."

I faced him slowly, my expression softening in happiness at him genuinely speaking to me, my voice coming out quieter than I expected, "Hi."

Alec set his beer down on the small table we stood by, eyeing me slowly, taking extra long to capture every single one of my features, "You look like you got your energy back."

It looked like he was holding back.

Like he was going to say something, but didn't.

"Nothing like being praised by everyone in this room for killing our greatest enemy." I mentally screamed at myself for saying that, the tension growing with every word, "Oh and, a lot of champagne."

This makes Alec smile, a soft laugh leaving his lips, making my heart leap out of my chest.

I hadn't been the reason to put a smile on his face for a while, and doing that made me happy.

All I ever wanted was for him to be happy.

I clear my throat when an awkward tension came between us again, "Uh- any sign of demons?"

"None." Alec has his hands behind his back, shaking his head, "Sensor maps are completely clear of wraith demons."

"It's the strangest thing." Alec thought out loud, his eyes locked into mine, "It's like they disappeared into thin air."

"Well- then, we can take this moment." I picked up his beer bottle from the table and handed to him, moving my glass up in a cheers movement, "To celebrate."

Alec does the same, as I took a drink out of my champagne, as he made the movement, but moved the bottle away from his lips before he could.

This made my eyebrows furrow, as he set his beer back down, his eyes filled with thought and lingering with mine, his tone traced with innocence, "Can we talk?"

"Yeah." My voice went quiet, nodding towards him.

Alec stares at me for a second, blinking a few times before turning away and walking towards the back door.

I exhale deeply and down the rest of my champagne, my face scrunching up due to how much I drank in one gulp, clearing my throat and following him outside.

Alec faces me when I stepped outside, inhaling sharply as he looked down, "Zee, since our fight- it's given me some time to think."

He still couldn't say breakup.

I hugged myself, stood a few feet away from him, keeping the distant for him, "Same on my end."

"Zee, when I heard you scream when we arrived to Idris-" Alec blinked hard at the thought, "I don't know what I would've done if you died tonight."

I caress my thumbs against the fabric of my dress, biting the inside of my cheek, "I feel like whenever one of us has a near death experience, our relationship takes a drastic turn."

"I want you to know that-" Alec inhaled sharply as if he was preparing for some sort of rejection, "I'm sorry for the way that I treated you after I found out about what happened between you and Jace."

"Alec, you shouldn't be apologizing-" My heart broke, taking a step closer to him unintentionally, "You has every right to act that way."

"Seeing the look on your face with every encounter, I- I couldn't bare it." Alec shook his head lightly, his voice shaking lightly, "It hurt me more than finding out about the kiss."

"I can't stress enough that- that kiss mean absolutely nothing to both Jace and I." I wanted to get this all out before he made a decision, "I know you think I might've had feelings for Jace, but I swear to you I don't. Because I have never felt the way about anyone my entire life the way I feel about you and despite anything that happens, how strongly I feel for you, will not change."

"Alec, since the moment I met you, I have always belonged to you." My arms drop to my side as I walked over to him and stood in front of him directly, my voice quiet because if I spoke any louder, I would start crying, "I might not have seen it then, but it's always been clear. There's no Jace, it's just you and I."

"That kiss was through the rune." I grabbed his hands gently, my eyes pouring into his, as he took in a shaky breath, "But, here and now? I can tell you that every fiber in my body loves you. My entire heart aches for you, I am completely drawn to you. And no matter what happens between us, I will always find myself coming back to you. I'm nothing without you, Alec."

"My heart beats for you." I placed his hand over my racing heart, tears beginning to fill both of our eyes, "If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to yourself through my eyes because then, only then will you realize how special and important you are to me. Alec Lightwood, you are my home."

"But, I accept whatever your choice is." I let go of his hands and stepped back, sniffling and looking down, backing away, "If you choose to forgive me or if not, I understand, because what I did was wrong- and I am deeply sorry for what I did to hurt you."

"Zee, wait-" Alec inhales deeply as if he had been holding his breath, moving but stopping himself, making me halt, "Just, please- wait-"

"This entire time I wanted to be mad at you." Alec confessed, his eyes holding a red tint, "I wanted to hate you for what you and Jace had done but- I couldn't help but understand why it happened."

"How guilty you two felt-" Alec continued, his eyes locked with mine, "I was only angry at myself for loving you so intensely that I had forgiven you instantly."

Tears brimmed in my eyes, "What?"

"When you love someone as much as I love you, because of how strong our love is, it makes the forgiving part simple." Our connection was intensifying with every word.

"I mean, I still remember the first day I looked into your eyes outside in the rain in front of the Institute- and my whole world had flipped." Alec poured out his heart and soul to me, "Since then I'd never been so scared of losing something in my life, especially when nothing in my life has ever meant as much to me as you do."

Alec's words were hitting me so hard that I could start bawling, "I don't care where we are- or what's happened- all I care about is that we're together, because- Zee, I need you."

"Without you, I can't operate correctly." Alec confessed, "My mind, my body, my heart and soul- I need you completely, or I'm not myself."

Alec used my own words, "There isn't a Alec Lightwood without Zee Young."

Alec's expression had turned into a puppy dog look, his eyes wide with sincerity, putting it out straight, "Zee, I- I don't think I can live without you."

I sniffled, trying so hard not to let my tears overflow, "I can't live without you either, Alec."

Alec moves, heading right for me as I copied his actions, our bodies slamming together, embracing each other's touch, my hands grabbing his face, his arms around my waist as our lips connected.

In sync, our tears broke free, melting into each other's warmth, forgetting all of what happened.

The only thing that mattered was how much we loved each other; how much we truly meant to each other.

All that mattered was us.

authors note:

whatever jace said in this chapter was meant in a BEST FRIEND way

I was gonna have them broken up for longer but I didn't have the heart to because they're just so amazing together 🥺

this chapter genuinely made me cry, like I'm so proud of this chapter, y'all don't even know.

so much goes on here and zee gets through it ALL.

THE FLASHBACKS.

ZEE AND IZZY MOMENTS

I CANNOT HANDLE THESE EMOTIONS OOF

this chapter was just so- omg

this chapter showed how much they truly did love each other, period

thank you for 19k !!!!

go read metanoia !!!

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